You Ask, We Answer: The New Format Debuts!
This episode is the mini-ep you know and love, but twice as long and with a new name! You ask, we answer!
Listeners ask about how to fit hobbies around a busy life, offer advice for the listener whose husband is in rehab, and have recs for tech-related books and alarm clocks. Plus, Doree and Elise reflect on nearly two (!) years with Elise as a co-host.
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Transcript
The following transcript is AI generated.
Doree Shafrir (00:10):
Hello and welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Doree Shafrir.
Elise Hu (00:18):
And I'm Elise Hu and we're just two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.
Doree Shafrir (00:22):
And this is the first of our new format mini episodes that we're not calling mini episodes anymore.
Elise Hu (00:30):
Yes. It
Doree Shafrir (00:31):
Looks
Elise Hu (00:31):
Like we're likely to call these mega mailbags based on the votes of our Patreon community.
Doree Shafrir (00:36):
Okay.
Elise Hu (00:38):
They are our advice time talk back Q&A episodes in which we take your questions and your calls and your texts and your emails. And we also hear from you with what's going on in your lives, any recommendations that y'all have, any requests for what's going on in our lives or recommendations that we have. So we're going to have these types of episodes on Mondays every other week. They are going to go in between our interview episodes, which will be on the Mondays where it's not going to be advice episodes.
Doree Shafrir (01:11):
Yeah. Our Patreon is remaining the same. We're still doing our casual chats every week as well as everything else that happens on our Patreon at patreon.com/forever35. And yeah, we still want to get your questions and your comments. So please keep sending those in. We'll just be doing them every two weeks instead of every week in like a bigger mega mailbag episode. And you can call or text us at 781-591-0390 and email us at forever35podcast@gmail.com.
Elise Hu (01:47):
Part of the reason we are going to on regular longer form episode per week instead of the two that we were doing for the past couple of years is because both of us hosts have some exciting projects going on. Y'all know that I have been co-directing a documentary about kids who are growing up amid the fire recovery here in Los Angeles. That has started post-production. So we're like heads down trying to edit and assemble a documentary and boy, it's a lot, but also very exciting and artistically fulfilling. And then Doree just publicly announced now it can be told.
Doree Shafrir (02:25):
Now it can be told.
Elise Hu (02:26):
Yes, her new book deal.
Doree Shafrir (02:28):
Yes. So I'm writing a book, another novel, it's called Cedar Drive. It is the story of three women who live on the same block in Los Angeles, Cedar Drive. Yes. And there is a death at the beginning and kind of in like grand Big Little Lies or White Lotus tradition, you don't know who died, you don't know who did it, you don't know how it happened. And then the book sort of unfolds in the months before the death and you learn how it happened and what led up to it. But it's like a big sort of juicy Los Angeles novel and I'm really excited about it.
Elise Hu (03:11):
And you know who died, right?
Doree Shafrir (03:14):
I do. I do
Elise Hu (03:15):
Know who
Doree Shafrir (03:15):
Died.
Elise Hu (03:16):
Okay. I don't know. I don't know your writing process. Maybe you're like, "Hmm, we'll figure it out as we go
Doree Shafrir (03:24):
Along." I mean, I actually had a couple of different versions when I first started. I was like, "Who did die?" But it was also like, who should I lead people to think died versus who actually died? So yeah, it's been fun. I have not finished it. I'm still working on it. And I think right now it is tentatively scheduled to come out winter 28, which basically means- Wow, that's too far. I know, but it really just means the January to March season of 2028. So it's like a year and a half.
Elise Hu (04:08):
Okay.
Doree Shafrir (04:09):
So it's like far, but not that far.
Elise Hu (04:12):
This gives you time to finish it
Doree Shafrir (04:15):
Because
Elise Hu (04:15):
Y'all sold it without it being completely done, right?
Doree Shafrir (04:18):
Correct.
Elise Hu (04:19):
How much more do you think you have to write percentage wise of the book or-
Doree Shafrir (04:26):
Probably a quarter to a third.
Elise Hu (04:28):
Okay.
Doree Shafrir (04:29):
I would say it's about two thirds or three quarters done.
Elise Hu (04:32):
Okay.
Doree Shafrir (04:33):
Exciting. Not a ton. I'm not starting from scratch, but also kind of a significant chunk. And I mentioned this on a casual chat, but I have a conversation with my editor on later this week where we're going to go over the manuscript so far and where it's going and that'll give me, I think more of a roadmap. Also,
Elise Hu (04:55):
It's just generative I think to have
Doree Shafrir (04:58):
An
Elise Hu (04:58):
Editor now because then you have somebody to
Doree Shafrir (05:00):
Go back and
Elise Hu (05:00):
Forth with.
Doree Shafrir (05:02):
Yes. I love having an editor. I always thought people who don't like being edited, I'm like, "What are you talking about?
Elise Hu (05:10):
" Yeah, no, that's the best part of the process. We brought some new producers on to the documentary actually as we are applying for new grants. So there's more grants. There's like grants that you can apply for all the time and I feel like I've been unsuccessful. I've been like, we got a good big grant last year that was unrestricted, but then for every one grant that we've gotten, I've probably filled out like 19. And so this year or just a couple of weeks ago we engaged with some impact producers. So folks who work on the campaign, the social impact campaign end of a documentary. So like if your documentary is about say these people who are wrongfully imprisoned, they might have an impact campaign around the groups that would help with legal defense or something like that. So ours is a film about resiliency of young people and so it's a little bit more broad.
(06:05):
It's not like, "Hey, we need to get so and so out of jail." But I hadn't done any thinking around it and it's coming up in a lot of the grant applications. And so we hired some producers to come on and like consult on this and just being able to be on the phone and just have somebody to spitball with and ask us questions, which then we had to kind of think out loud and respond to, and then they helped mirror and articulate what we were saying back to us and we were like, "This is awesome. We haven't been in the room with other people in a while. It's so good."
Doree Shafrir (06:38):
I love being able to have a collaborator. There's just nothing better to have someone to bounce ideas off of and work together. So that's so great. Actually we got a question that is like sort of related which is- Oh, okay,
Elise Hu (06:55):
Perfect.
Doree Shafrir (06:55):
Someone asked, "Hi, Doree. I think it's so neat that tennis is such a big part of your life. As a parent with zero hobbies, do my baby's swimming lessons count? Can you give us a rundown of a typical weekly schedule for you? How do you work? Do childcare, dog care, and fit in tennis? Thank you for any guidance you can provide. I'd love to hear Elise answer the question too, even though I think she plays less tennis/has other hobbies." Well, I will say I think this is going to change pretty substantially over the summer when I really get into book zone because right now I'm probably playing like four to five times a week
(07:34):
And I need to dial that back because I'm going to need to really buckle down on book stuff. Usually at least one of those is a match on the weekends and then one of those is a match during the week and then I will sometimes have like one nighttime practice and then like one to two morning practices. One of the practices is usually a lesson because I do usually take a lesson every week. So I have been playing quite a bit. Henry's in school so that part of it is like that is kind of childcare and Matt and I split up pickups and drop offs. So whoever takes him to school in the morning, the other person does the pickup. So there's that. And then also if I go to practice at night, like Matt puts him to bed, he's perfectly capable of doing so.
(08:40):
So yeah, we've kind of made it work, but I will need to carve out some more time for book stuff going forward.
Elise Hu (08:47):
Yeah. For me, I feel like I don't have enough time to work. I need a lot more time to work than I currently have hours in the day to work, but it is important to kind of have your hobbies and leisure also just as a matter of self-care. So I almost always reliably take a tennis lesson on Fridays because that's a standing thing. And then on Wednesday mornings, I try and play with my friend Angela right after drop off. So I try to play like twice a week and then I have a standing running date on Thursdays. And what has allowed me to maintain those is just like that they are frozen in my calendar, just like my therapist is always every other Thursday at 9:00 AM. And so because they're there, my other recordings and things that pop up can't come up. They're just blocked.
(09:39):
And so having those blocks are really helpful. I also have to have blocks in the afternoon because the kids have to be shuttled in so many different directions
Doree Shafrir (09:49):
And
Elise Hu (09:49):
Even with three parents, like me and the two dads, and a driver, Ava has a driver too, to drive her to volleyball. That's still not even, it's like not enough coverage sometimes. So one of the great frustrations of this seventh grade year, so the 25, 26th school year has been all the driving. I really feel as though the amount of headspace that I have needed in order to do my best creative work, I just haven't had. I just
Doree Shafrir (10:20):
Flat
Elise Hu (10:20):
Out haven't had and I'm not willing to let go of things like going for a run on Thursdays because that's
Doree Shafrir (10:26):
The
Elise Hu (10:27):
Only time I run anymore. And so that's part of the reason why we're doing one fewer episode per week and then I'm thinking through like what I can take on. So I'll have random people from magazines or from Substacks or whatever ask me to do commissions like write pieces about beauty culture, for example. No, I cannot.
Doree Shafrir (10:47):
I mean, I barely do freelance writing anymore because it's just not worth it. The amount of time it takes to do a reported 2000 word piece for what places pay now, it's like unless you're promoting something, I mean, it's grim.
Elise Hu (11:06):
Yeah. So I'm just having to say no to more things, but in doing so, I think it allows me to A, maintain my blocks of time for exercise or hobbies. My social health is very important to me. I need to have time after the kids go down to go out and get drinks with my friends and hang out. And so in order to do that and still get enough sleep, there needs to be other stuff that goes and I feel like what has gone too much is like my work, like my concentrated flow.
Doree Shafrir (11:38):
I feel that for sure.
Elise Hu (11:40):
I'm just rearranging some things to accommodate.
Doree Shafrir (11:43):
So we got a couple other questions that I just want to touch on before we take a break. Someone wrote in and said, "Found this in my drafts." Oops, but realize these questions didn't come up too much on your 400th celebration, which was great. I was just thinking about how Elise had been on the pod for almost two years now. Curious how you would say your relationship has changed in this time. Also, if there are any takeaways from guests or each other, including Kate, that have really stuck with you.
Elise Hu (12:12):
I mean, for me, and I'm curious what you would say, Doree, I feel like Doree and I didn't even know each other very well when we first started podcasting because we knew each other through our shared editor, Carrie Fry, who was lovely and I'm so glad that she brought us together. Doree really kind of just took a chance to say like, "Hey, do you want to do this? " And now we're legit friends. I didn't hear from Doree all weekend and I was like, "Doree, how was your weekend?"
Doree Shafrir (12:42):
I know. I think I didn't get that text. I think I went to sleep right after I texted you because it had just been such a chaotic, crazy weekend and I was like, "Oh yeah, I didn't talk to Elise all weekend."
Elise Hu (12:57):
That's
Doree Shafrir (12:58):
Weird. I know, same. But yeah, now knowing more about us and our personalities, I do think it's funny that I was the one to reach out and be like, "Hey, we should do this because that feels to me so much more of an Elise thing to do. "
Elise Hu (13:16):
Like, "Hey, let's just try this. "
Doree Shafrir (13:17):
Yeah, but maybe that's why you were so down is because you were like, "Yeah, why not? " And I don't know, maybe I sensed that. But yeah, we didn't really know each other. I just got good vibes from Elise and was like ... I also knew that you had podcasted and had audio experience, so that was also important. We both went into it being like, "We're just going to be super honest with each other. If either of us feel like in three months, I think we gave it three months, if we feel like this isn't working, we'll just call it off, no hard feelings." And I think that was good. We sort of went into it feeling like, "Okay, this is kind of low stakes." Nice that we have been able to grow our friendship in that time as well.
Elise Hu (14:01):
Yeah, it's been so fun. And also to the guest question or the guest part of that question, I feel like Forever 35, one of the great gifts of it is the opportunity to talk with so many women who are inspiring, who are talented, who are often they're writers and creatives, comedians, musicians, whatever, doing things out in the world. And so we get great takeaways from a lot of these conversations. I was just thinking about Maya Shankar, which was an interview that I did on my own one Friday afternoon because of a bunch of scheduling changes and how powerful that was. I remember Debbie Millman was really awesome.
Doree Shafrir (14:47):
I love he so much
Elise Hu (14:48):
Lynn Slater about how to be old.
Doree Shafrir (14:51):
Oh my gosh, yes. You know, what's so funny is when we post our clips on Instagram, we do them as collabs so that we can post them on our own pages as well and the clip of her and so I see all the comments and the likes that come in. I am still getting comments and likes on that post to this day because what she says just resonates with people so deeply. Yeah, I loved that episode. Okay. One more thing just quickly before we take a break, which is someone wrote in and said, "There's been a lot of discussion about micro joys/glimmers on the show lately, which I love. I thought I'd share a new one I've discovered inspired by Elise's Rob." It's listing items on Facebook Marketplace with clever/ridiculous descriptions. I almost texted this to you and Rob. Then I was like, "Do I have this number?" You
Elise Hu (15:48):
Love doing
Doree Shafrir (15:49):
This. I know. Maybe this is one of his micro joys. I find it a good outlet for my creativity and also something I can do while watching TV after my kids go to bed. I listed a bunch of stuff tonight and I'd been looking forward to it all day.
Elise Hu (16:10):
I'm reminded of one of his posts. It was like a deluxe drying rack. Oh no, it was just a drying rack, but he called it a deluxe drying rack and he's like, "Have you ever seen such a deluxe drying rack?" There has never been a drying rack, more deluxe. And they're just so silly.
Doree Shafrir (16:29):
Yes. So anyway, so fun. One of our listeners also feels this way.
Elise Hu (16:36):
Oh my gosh, that's so great. We have
Doree Shafrir (16:39):
To tell us. I
Elise Hu (16:39):
Love this. We have to
Doree Shafrir (16:40):
Tell this. Also, for those of you who still want some of those geometry dish towels, our discount with them is back to 15% off.
Elise Hu (16:51):
Oh, yay.
Doree Shafrir (16:53):
I'm going to take
Elise Hu (16:53):
Advantage of this
Doree Shafrir (16:54):
Myself. I know, right? You can use code Forever in all caps for 15% off and their website is geometry.house. Okay. All right. So please do call or text us at 781-591-0390. Email us at forever35podcast@gmail.com. Our website is forever35podcast.com. We have links there to everything we mentioned on the show. Our Instagram is @Forever35Podcast. And again, our Patreon is patreon.com/forever35. You can join us at the free level. You get access to the semi-monthly newsletter where we discuss pod highlights, product reviews, discounts, giveaways, more bonus content. There's always some fun viral video in there. At $5 a month, you get access to our casual chat, which is now on video, our live casual chats once a quarter, access to our community chat, monthly pop culture episodes and more. And at $10 a month, you get ad free episodes and a shout out on the podcast each and every month.
(17:49):
You can shop our favorite products at shopmy.us/forever35. And after the break, we had a few listeners write in with advice for the listener whose husband went to rehab.
Elise Hu (18:00):
Okay, fantastic. We will be right back.
Doree Shafrir (18:10):
All right, we are back. Elise, do you want to take this first note?
Elise Hu (18:16):
Sure. Hello, Doree and Elise. I wanted to reach out to the caller who wrote an asking for advice on self-care while her husband is in rehab for alcohol addiction. I have experience with this with my spouse. The addiction was not alcohol, but it did take several tries for him to seek treatment. He was gone for five weeks and this was almost three years ago now. I will say that timeframe you mentioned is on the low side of things. Depending on your financial situation, I know people stay up to 90 days. My sister did 90 days for alcoholism and she has been sober for eight years now. What I think is helpful is also setting up support for yourself both now and long term. I would recommend. Having family meetings or couples counseling while he is in treatment, usually there will be a family weekend or a virtual session and continue this afterwards.
(19:04):
Taking advantage of family support groups if they offer it. Have a meeting before he comes home about boundaries and ground rules. For example, will all alcohol be out of the house? What will he do if he feels triggered? What will you do if he begins drinking again? It is important he shares his sobriety plan with you too. Understand you have no control over his sobriety or whether he will relapse. This is very hard. Do fun things. Walk your dog with a friend to a coffee shop, join a group fitness class, et cetera. I struggled with feeling angry after my spouse came home because I had been taking care of our dog, kids, home and was working while he was away. There is a lot of ongoing work afterwards and it is a long haul. I say this not to discourage you but to prepare you for a marathon and not a sprint.
(19:53):
I really wish you all the best. I totally echo that as somebody who has also had addiction in our family. This is only for me. I mean, I don't know what's true for other people's experiences, but I have often felt like with my loved ones who have battled addiction, I'm like, "Oh, so you went and got treatment, you're done." Okay, great.
(20:17):
You're healed sort of like my laryngitis is healed after my steroid therapy
Doree Shafrir (20:24):
And
Elise Hu (20:26):
Most addictions don't run that course. That's
Doree Shafrir (20:29):
Such a good point. Just
Elise Hu (20:30):
Even being able to internalize that it is this long haul and that there are such ideas as dry drunks, essentially that you might be sober but haven't actually processed a lot of the triggers and the darkness that led to the addiction in the first place. And then obviously there's a lot of evidence that addictive behavior can be genetic too, so it can be a lifelong battle. So for the loved ones, we've talked about Al-Anon, which is the support group for loved ones who have addiction in their lives, but also just being able to find group therapy or a therapist or friends who can really be there for you as somebody who's not the one who's going through the addiction, but the person who's kind of standing next to somebody who feels like they're on fire.That's really, really vital that you have a support system too.
Doree Shafrir (21:24):
That's such good advice. All right, this next note I thought was so interesting. Hi, Doree and Elise. I had so many Pause the Pod moments during Mini App 389, Raising Tweens. I have four. What do we do about AI? But the biggest was the listener in Atlanta with a partner entering rehab. This was me about 15 years ago. During our time together, my ex- husband did four stints in rehab for alcoholism and addiction. I agreed with all of your advice. Al-Anon is great. Therapy is crucial and what Elise said about recovery, likely being more than a four to 10 week journey is so true. And I wanted to affirm that if for whatever reason she doesn't want to quote strap in for the ride, she doesn't have to. Getting off the ride is a completely valid option. Partners see addicts at their most vulnerable, lowest moments.
(22:14):
This vulnerability leads to emotional closeness that makes it super difficult to remember that you don't have to stay in the relationship if it isn't serving you and you do not need to take responsibility for supporting an addict's recovery. The listener doesn't share exactly how her partner's addiction has affected their relationship, but healthy, loving relationships are incredibly difficult to maintain when someone is battling addiction. Even when recovery is going well, it can be all consuming and leave little space for showing up in relationships. If the listener wants to go on that journey with her partner, I'm sending her all the positive vibes. I just wish I didn't wait for my ex to quote hit rock bottom or become abusive to decide it was time to leave. Leaving was the kindest thing I ever did for myself and possibly the kindest thing I could have done for him.
(22:58):
It allowed him to gain a deeper understanding of his addiction and its consequences. He passed away due to overdose shortly after divorce was finalized. It was tragic and took some excellent therapy to understand on a deep level that I couldn't have saved him. I hope the listener's partner has a better outcome and that she's able to find all the joy she deserves even in the mess. Finally, my book wreck for this moment is Pima Chodron's Little Masterpiece When Things Fall Apart. There's a reason it had a cameo in White Lotus.
(23:28):
Thanks for all you do to help us take care of ourselves.
Elise Hu (23:30):
That's a really lovely note and I'm so sorry that the life of your former partner
Doree Shafrir (23:37):
Ended
Elise Hu (23:38):
Tragically, but that's an important thing to remember. You can choose to not be in relationship with them. You can actually choose not to be in a relationship with your family members too, but it's obviously different types of relationships. Yeah, that's an important thing to remember. Put your own mask on first.
Doree Shafrir (23:57):
Yes. All right. Do you want to take this last on this topic?
Elise Hu (24:04):
Yeah. Thank you all for sharing
Doree Shafrir (24:07):
So openly.
Elise Hu (24:08):
Hello. Writing in for the listener whose husband started rehab. When my husband and I met, he was six months sober and we've had blips. He tried being California sober for a while, but it snowballed and he was back to his old habits of hiding it, et cetera, et cetera. I should also add we have now been together for 11 years. Thanks, Tinder. I'm so glad you were already in therapy and have a support group. I think that is going to be very important, especially when he gets home.
(24:32):
I don't know if you imbibe or use Kratom, but I think it's going to be very beneficial to his sobriety if you don't use or drink around him. When I met my husband, I told him I wouldn't drink around him, period. When we would go to parties, weddings, out to dinner, hanging out with his family, literally anytime he was present with alcohol. I didn't drink because no one loves to be the sober person in the room full of drunk people. His family never stopped drinking around him and I know there's different opinions on this, but I think for a sober person's partner, they need your complete support. Of course, have a drink when you go out with friends and he's not there. I don't exactly know what the next four to 10 weeks looks like, but my husband recently did an intensive outpatient therapy program.
(25:13):
You are going to need to be his rock and be supportive and then use your outlets, friends, therapy, support group to take care of yourself. I haven't gone to Al-Anon but have considered it and this reminds me I should because I genuinely just don't understand how an addict brain works and believe me, they are different. This is also for a life thing. When you take one thing away, it can sometimes creep into another. When my husband stopped smoking weed, it then became an overspending habit.
(25:43):
My husband is a chef and for the first several years, we didn't have anything in the house, but when he felt comfortable and wanted to buy wine for cooking, he asked me to go to the liquor store with him and that went on for years before he felt comfortable going by himself.
(25:58):
I can't imagine getting to this place was easy. So I would also suggest couples counseling for when he does come home so that you can process what came before and then find a healthy way to move forward together. After a miscarriage, two kids, a technical relapse with weed, some major overspending. We have started couples therapy and I wish we would have started much sooner. This probably isn't clear or concise, but remember to take care of yourself first because you'll be no good to him if you aren't good yourself and it's a marathon, not a sprint, much love. A lot of the same themes coming through here.
Doree Shafrir (26:32):
Yes. Yes. This is tough. This is all tough. Thank you all so much for sharing. And I hope that some of this was helpful for our original listener and anyone else listening who is dealing with addiction in their lives. Yep. All right. We are going to take another short break and we'll be right back and after the break we have some great product recommendations on a bunch of different topics. So stay tuned.
Elise Hu (27:07):
Stay around. We'll be right back.
Doree Shafrir (27:15):
Okay. We are back.
Elise Hu (27:19):
We are back.
Doree Shafrir (27:21):
We're so back Elise. Should we come back from every break saying that? We are so back.
Elise Hu (27:30):
Some real enthusiasm.
Doree Shafrir (27:34):
We have some recommendations, a few voicemails about some recommendations.
Listener Voicemail (27:39):
Hey, Doree and Elise. I just had a book recommendation for the listener that was looking for good novels about AI and the book is called Playground by Richard Powers. He wrote The Overstory and a couple others. It's a Pulitzer Prize winning author and it's a great novel and AI plays a really important role in it. Good read. Highly recommend. Thanks a lot. Bye.
Elise Hu (28:11):
Very cool. Good. Have you read this? Keep on coming. I haven't even heard of it.
Doree Shafrir (28:15):
Yeah.
Elise Hu (28:15):
I mean, I know Richard Power. I didn't know that this was like a big book in AI. Okay. Fantastic.
Doree Shafrir (28:20):
Okay. We also got a recommendation. Great newer fiction about the tech world currently is Culpability by Bruce Holsinger. I found it to be riveting and gave it five stars. Not as fun as Doree's book, but pretty decent for a male author.
Elise Hu (28:37):
Good enough. For a boy.
Doree Shafrir (28:40):
Good enough for a guy. Okay. Culpability also a book I have not heard of, so thank you for the recommendation. Our next voicemail has to do with travel inspired by my big Disney World trip. Great.
Listener Voicemail (28:58):
Hey, Doree, Elise. I'm fresh off some travels and have some tips that I wanted to share just sparked by Doree's trip to Disney World. Just thinking about Disney World, pack extra socks because something we ran into was we would be out all day. We would come back to the room. People would chill or go swimming or whatever and then you don't want to get into your gross socks that you wore all day. Same thing kind of goes for underwear.
(29:28):
And then my general tip is to think about where you're going, whether you're going to be out all day, go straight to dinner, or whether you're going to be coming back for dinner. Because we also went on a trip recently where we were out all day and then just rolled into dinner. We didn't go back to the room. So we didn't change and we needed far fewer clothes than I thought we did. So a sort of overpacked. And then I think my final tip for right now is that we had a bagdrop ... After a red eye, but I wanted to have a change of clothes and wash my face. So I just put those in the outside of the suitcase so they were easy to grab. We don't do a change of clothes in the carry on anymore. I know that was a common tip, but with AirTags and flying direct, I'm kind of like, I'm not going to lose this bag.
(30:19):
I'm going to put my face in that. So I just put the extra change of clothes in the outside of the bag and anything you need to grab quickly in the outside kind of compartment of your large suitcase. And yeah, AirTag's the best. Definitely put one of those in your suitcase. And also if you have a bag with your passport saying you don't want to lose those, put your AirTag on that bag. Anyway, safe travels everyone. I would love to hear other people's tips because it's so fun to think about. Hey, bye.
Elise Hu (30:53):
I heard in there that idea that she kind of had more stuff than she need, which reminds me of my friend Esther's tried and true practice of doing a debrief, not a debrief, a retrospective after every time she packs. After she gets back from a trip, she evaluates and she's sort of unpacking. She evaluates, did I use this? Did I not? And then there's a list of like yeses and nos so that the next time
Doree Shafrir (31:22):
I love that.
Elise Hu (31:25):
The goal is to bring no extraneous items, noth that doesn't get used because it's inevitable that there are outfits that you pack that you don't wear or more socks and underwear that you need or whatever. Liquids that are taking up space and weight.
Doree Shafrir (31:44):
Yes.
Elise Hu (31:45):
Yeah.
Doree Shafrir (31:45):
So she doesn't- That's so smart.
Elise Hu (31:47):
I'm not that rigorous because I don't like to unpack at all. I will leave a bag just still packed from the last ... I have one sitting right next to me right now. I just like
Doree Shafrir (31:56):
Him. Oh, Matt will do that too, which didn't really matter when he was traveling a lot, but now that he's not traveling a lot, sometimes he'll be like- It's like,
Elise Hu (32:03):
"Where are my pants?" Yeah.
Doree Shafrir (32:04):
Yeah. Or he'll open up a suitcase and be like, "Oh, that's where that went from two years ago or whatever." I do also find that sometimes you add something last minute and you're like, "Is this a good idea?" And then that turns out to be the thing that you wear all the whole trip. So I feel like it's not necessarily a good barometer of like, "Oh, I packed this first so I will wear it versus I packed it last." So I really like your friend's retrospective. Yeah. Very interesting. Okay. I love everyone's packing strategies. These are so cool. Okay. And then we also had a listener asking for an alarm clock wreck. Yes. Yes. Okay.
Listener Voicemail (32:54):
Hey y'all, this is Lila from Kansas City. I heard the voicemail from the woman who's looking for a analog clock so they don't use their phone or feel tempted to use their phone when they're trying to sleep. I've been really working on my sleep hygiene this year. It's like my only New Year's evolution and I currently bought for my analog clock, it's a brawn BC22 classic analog alarm clock. It's like a half-stone circle with just like a classic clock face and what's really cool is you can set it where you press the button if you need to check the time at night and it's like this golden light so it's not super disturbing on your eyes and the alarm is like not too obnoxious. It's your typical alarm clock, but it's super easy to set. It's super basic. I shopped around. I see them for $55.
(33:57):
I think I got mine for 38, but again, it's a brawn BC22 classic analog alarm clock. MoMA sells them too, but you'll see it. It's like a half dome and it's like a simple circle clock face and I love it. It's really helped a lot of my sleep hygiene and one thing I learned and it's been helpful with improving my sleep hygiene is staying, not reaching for your phone. If you can, 30 minutes after waking up or waking up, you just wait 30 minutes to check your phone and you should not look at your phone 30 minutes before bed. So it's been a system, but I've been setting stuff with my phone. I wake up either to a relaxing podcast or music, but have the alarm is really helpful so I'm not paranoid about waking up and also if I want to check the time at night, I'm not reaching for my phone and being tempted.
(35:04):
Thanks again. Good luck with your sleep hygiene working friend.
Doree Shafrir (35:10):
Okay. Great rec there.
Elise Hu (35:12):
Yeah. We should start a ShopMy shelf with the alarm clocks. Should make a little note because we're getting alarm clocks.
Doree Shafrir (35:19):
Yeah, we are getting some good rest. Recommendations. Someone else linked to one that they found on Amazon, the Reacher Digital Alarm Clock and White Noise sound machine and they said it has white noise, rain sounds, waves, et cetera. If you need light background noise to sleep like I do. The other thing I like about it is you can dim the clock lights so that you can still have complete darkness when you go to bed. It also has all the normal clock/alarm clock features and most important of all. It allows me to keep my phone outside of the bedroom when I go to sleep. Good. And then someone else said, "I second the hatch. I pay the annual app subscription to access additional lights and sound options about $60 a year. The sunrise style light instead of a jarring sound is a much more peaceful way to wake up.
(36:09):
I also used it as a sound machine when my kids were smaller." I'm sorry, but the idea of playing a subscription to your alarm clock, we are just in peak subscription.
Elise Hu (36:24):
We are. I mean, that's every company's
Doree Shafrir (36:28):
Sustainability. It's every
Elise Hu (36:30):
Company's model.
Doree Shafrir (36:30):
Totally.
Elise Hu (36:31):
Including ours. So don't forget to subscribe to our Patreon.
Doree Shafrir (36:36):
I know. I'm just saying people always subscribe to magazines and to content. I think it's just these ... Did you see that thing a few years ago where BMW was having people subscribe for heated seats?
Elise Hu (36:49):
Oh my gosh.
Doree Shafrir (36:51):
Wow. It's that kind of stuff where I'm like, these are things that used to-
Elise Hu (36:56):
Can't it just be a transaction that
Doree Shafrir (36:57):
Is finished?
Elise Hu (36:58):
I
Doree Shafrir (36:58):
Bought
Elise Hu (36:59):
It once and
Doree Shafrir (36:59):
Now it's like- Yes, exactly. Exactly. Because all
Elise Hu (37:02):
These businesses need you to keep coming back.
Doree Shafrir (37:04):
Right. I don't know. These kinds of things I sort of laugh about. Okay. Our last text here someone writes, "Any mineral sunscreen wrecks for body. I had a bad reaction to Badger and Blue Lizard sunscreens a few weeks ago. I'm in my second trimester of pregnancy and people have told me to avoid chemical sunscreen, but skin reactions have me debating the risk. If I just go back to my Neutrogena/bananaboat, is any sunscreen better than no sunscreen?"
Elise Hu (37:37):
Dermatologists almost uniformly say that any sunscreen is better than no sunscreen, but I get that you are pregnant and so want to find something that's safe. Do you have any rec store for body?
Doree Shafrir (37:50):
There is an Alba Botanica.
Elise Hu (37:55):
We like the
Doree Shafrir (37:55):
Spray. Sunscreen that is a body, they make a body moisturizer that comes with sunscreen.
Elise Hu (38:05):
I really like the Alba Botanica spray, sunscreen spray for my kids for their legs and arms and stuff before they get out the door in the morning.
Doree Shafrir (38:12):
Yeah. I feel like their products are pretty gentle. I have used this Alba Botanica one before, but maybe it's been discontinued because I don't see it anymore. But there are other products, they do make a body sunscreen that is specifically a sunscreen.This was a moisturizer that had sunscreen added to it. So if you can find that, I thought that was a nice product, but I think their regular sunscreens are good also. But also to Elisa's point, I do think some sunscreen is better than no sunscreen. So good luck and congratulations on your pregnancy. Okay. We are in the intention zone. We didn't used to do intentions in the mini apps, but now that we are doing these-
Elise Hu (39:06):
Mega
Doree Shafrir (39:06):
Mailbox. Every other week. Yeah. We're going to be doing intentions. So my intention for last week was to figure out the summer.
Elise Hu (39:19):
How did that go?
Doree Shafrir (39:20):
Have you lined things up? It's not fully done, but it is pretty close. I booked our tickets to the East Coast. I have not booked our tickets home, but at least we have a date that we're going. I figured out two more weeks of camp for Henry and I think I have the third outstanding week. I think I know what he's going to do. So now we have camp all figured out. So that's good. And then this week I'm going to really sit down and figure out my book writing schedule.
Elise Hu (39:58):
Fun.
Doree Shafrir (39:59):
Yeah. So that's exciting.
Elise Hu (40:01):
Yeah. So you're going to apply all of your scheduling expertise that you have from captaining your recreational tennis teams to now your own work. So that's great because you've been like the master of the calendar for so many people.
Doree Shafrir (40:17):
That's true. I've told people that I'm not going to be captaining for the summer or the fall. That's
Elise Hu (40:26):
Good. You can clear the decks a little bit.
Doree Shafrir (40:29):
Clear the decks. Exactly. How about you, Elise?
Elise Hu (40:33):
Well, my intention was to be an adult and I did
Doree Shafrir (40:35):
Pay
Elise Hu (40:36):
One of my parking tickets only to get a second parking ticket right after I paid the first one because what happened was I parked at one of these soccer tournaments and I plugged in the car, the electric car. And for whatever reason I assumed that ... I guess my mind thought, "Oh, I've plugged in the car. I've done the task after I parked," but not the task of paying for that parking. I did not
Doree Shafrir (41:00):
Rent the asphalt.
Elise Hu (41:02):
So then when I went back, I was like, "Oh, there goes another $75 or whatever these ridiculous tickets are. " But I did book my appointments. I have to get a breast MRI next before we decide what to do about my little Papilloma. So I set that up and it's really specific with these appointments. It has to be ... Well, the breast MRI has to happen. Well, according to this place, the sixth day in your cycle, like six to 12 days in your cycle. So we needed to count backwards from the start of my last period, which happened to be very recently. So I can do it next week essentially. So it'll work out great. And then this week we are coming on or by the time this airs, it will be like the day after Mother's Day, but we are coming upon Mother's Day.
(41:51):
So this week I just want to enjoy some time with the children, do some good momming. I feel wistful because my middle one is going to graduate from elementary school
Doree Shafrir (42:05):
Next
Elise Hu (42:06):
Month. And it's like, ma, and I read this caption in the New Yorker today that said something like, "The thing about your kids is every day you spend with them could be the last time you spend with that version of the kid because they're constantly changing." And it's true. It's just like, I don't know when the last day Ava was a kid, because she's not one. And so it is very, on one hand, very fulfilling and gratifying to see them grow up. And then when I was at the fifth grade classroom this morning doing some teacher appreciation stuff and I was like, "They're not going to be little anymore." So I'm just trying to appreciate the time with
Doree Shafrir (42:44):
The kids
Elise Hu (42:44):
While they're kids, I guess will be the intention.
Doree Shafrir (42:48):
Oh man. Yep. I know. I'm feeling that too as Henry wraps up first grade.
Elise Hu (42:52):
Yeah. It goes so fast.
Doree Shafrir (42:55):
Yeah. All right. Well, everyone, thank you so much. Forever35 is hosted and produced by me, Doree Shafrir and Elise Hu and produced and edited by Samee Junio. Sami Reed is our project manager and our network partners, ACAST. Thanks so much for listening.
Elise Hu (43:09):
Talk to you next time.
Doree Shafrir (43:10):
Bye.