Mini-Ep 490: Lucky In Living
Listeners have things to say about ways to reduce your spending, group dynamics, and learning how other people live at a young age. Plus, some questions about alarm clocks and tinted moisturizers!
This is our final mini-ep before the show goes to Monday episodes only. Every other week we will feature listener mailbag episodes (the same format as the episodes formerly known as “mini-eps”), just not “mini” anymore – they’ll be at full length. If you have thoughts on what to rename mini-eps please send us an email or leave a comment. forever35podcast@gmail.com
To leave a voicemail or text for a future episode, reach them at 781-591-0390. You can also email the podcast at forever35podcast@gmail.com.
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Transcript
This episode transcript is AI generated.
Doree Shafrir (00:10):
Hello and welcome to Forever 35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Doree Shafrir.
Elise Hu (00:16):
And I'm Elise Hu and we're just two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.
Doree Shafrir (00:20):
And not only is this a mini episode where we hear from you, we share your comments and your thoughts and answer your questions to the best of our ability. This is the last mini episode.
Elise Hu (00:29):
End of an era.
Doree Shafrir (00:30):
End of an era. We will still be doing listener question feedback comment episodes. They will just be every other week and they will be longer. So that's why we're not calling them mini episodes anymore. They are just regular old episodes.
Elise Hu (00:45):
Yes. We need to name our mailbag episodes.
Doree Shafrir (00:49):
I'd like to put this out to the listeners.
Elise Hu (00:51):
Yes. Do we just call it mailbag and so y'all know what it is or is there a better one word or two word kind of name or category for the type of episodes that the minis used to sort of explain? We're also going to stop numbering so you're not going to notice the numbers of the episodes in your feeds, which could create a secondary thing in which a lot of folks are like, "Hey, I'm writing in about the question in mini episode number 388."
Doree Shafrir (01:28):
Right.
Elise Hu (01:28):
So that's not going to be a way to reference it, but you'll be able to say, "Hey, I'm writing in about the William Sonoma croissants." And I think we're going to know- Oh, I know the
Doree Shafrir (01:38):
William Sonoma croissants.
Elise Hu (01:40):
They're really good.
Doree Shafrir (01:42):
Oh.
Elise Hu (01:43):
They're the ones where you get the dough. So you get the dough sent to you and then you bake them yourself. And I used to do that and serve them at a lot of the engagement parties and baby showers and stuff that I hosted because I loved doing those, of course. I like to throw parties.
Doree Shafrir (01:58):
You like to throw parties you like to host.
Elise Hu (02:01):
I love a party. I love a party. So listeners, we're probably just going to call it something like mailbag or feedback or something like that, or we hear from you or I don't know. I don't know what to call it.
Doree Shafrir (02:15):
If you have thoughts, let us know. You know how to reach us forever35podcast@gmail.com or 715910390. You can call or text us or email us. Many options. Elise, how's it going?
Elise Hu (02:32):
It's going really okay. I'm maintaining.
Doree Shafrir (02:36):
You're maintaining. Okay. I
Elise Hu (02:37):
Am still kind of reentering my regular routine and life after a whirlwind week in Vancouver. I interviewed no fewer than nine geniuses and I think several of them in one day. Sometimes it was like four a day or it was three interviews, but one of them was with two people. That is
Doree Shafrir (03:03):
So intense.
Elise Hu (03:04):
And then these are all TED speakers, right? So they all have big things to talk about and they're high caliber people. And I would go from I interviewed The Deepness, which was the first woman to dive 381 meters or something into the sea. She is the woman with the record for the deepest dive into the
Doree Shafrir (03:23):
Ocean.
Elise Hu (03:24):
Wow. And we talked about the bottom of the sea, but then I switched from her to a guy who mapped all of the history of sound on earth on this planet. What? And so he did the soundscapes from the beginning of earth, which is I don't know how many billion of years ago. And then I talked to this one guy at a party. So I went from interviewing those people to then talking to a guy at a party who was explaining to me how he could see the Big Bang.
(03:58):
The story about Mark and how he can see the Big Bang is so funny because I met Mark at a cocktail party for TED Speakers and he explained to me that he was like, "You see that building over there and how you're sure that that building is there because you can see it? " I'm like, "Yeah." And he goes, "You are seeing back in time because for your eyes to register the light on that building, it's like three nanoseconds back in time." So you're technically looking back in time in order to even register the building in space. And he goes, "If you look really, really, really far away then, that means you're looking really, really, really far back in time." So if you have a really good
Doree Shafrir (04:41):
Telescope
Elise Hu (04:42):
That looks really, really far away, then you're also looking very, very far back in time. And that's why I can see the big bang and I know that it's real just as you know that that building is real. And I'm like, "Whoa, Mar. Whoa." He is a professor at the University of Virginia in astronomy. And
(05:04):
So I leave that cocktail party and then I go do a bunch of other parties and things. And then I had a TED buddy this year who was a friend of mine from LA who was going to his first head. And so we did a lot of mingling together. We hung out and did lunches so he didn't feel like he was alum, whose name is Matt. He texts me the next day and he's like, "You got to meet this guy. He can see the Big Bang." And I was like, "Oh, Mark, you're talking about Mark?" He's like,
Doree Shafrir (05:32):
"Yes, Mark
Elise Hu (05:33):
Is so cool." And so we both separately met him at some functions. How funny. And we are big fans of his. I will find his bio page from his university so that we can put it in our show notes for those space geeks out there who want to learn more about them. But it was really fun to get to meet him. I also got to interview Anne Patchett, literary legend. That's
Doree Shafrir (06:01):
So cool.
Elise Hu (06:02):
Her talk was about her love for reading and how much it's been an obsession and like a real spine of her entire life and what it's given to her and how it's like her true love and how it ended up inspiring her to open her bookstore in Nashville Parnassus books and how that's become a third space and all that. It's a beautiful talk. It was so funny because we came out of that and we're like, "That was such a well written TED Talk. Who wrote that? " Wow. Would be a good writer. We were just being sarcastic. I mean, she's brilliant. But something that really stuck with me about what she said was, not in her talk, but afterwards I was like, we do kind of a lightning round kind of like we do Forever 35 questionnaire if there's time. And so I think we had some time with her and one of the questions was like, "What's the best advice you've ever ignored?" So what's advice that you were like, "Uh-uh." And I'm so glad that I- that.
(06:59):
And she said, every time somebody told me, "Oh, you have to have kids, you'll regret it if you don't." And I was like, "You know what? That makes perfect sense." She's like, "I'm so glad I never had kids." And we're probably as readers all better off for it too, because what if it affected her output? But she knows herself. She's always known herself. She never wanted to have kids. And she was like, especially in the era I was coming up, she was like, so many people were like, "Oh, you're going to regret not having kids." And I was like, "But imagine the flip side. Imagine if somebody came up to me and was like, you should never have kids. Don't have kids because you're going to regret having kids." How
Doree Shafrir (07:36):
Invasive.
Elise Hu (07:38):
And so if you flip that advice, it totally makes sense. And she was really straight about it and I kind of loved that. I love that. I like how self-possessed Anne Patchett is and what he clarity and her clarity of mine and the way it comes through in her novels obviously is something that we are all richer for.
Doree Shafrir (07:59):
For sure. I love her. Well, Elise, before we take a break, we do have a note from a listener that relates to the trip that Ava recently took.
Listener Voicemail (08:11):
Oh, okay.
Doree Shafrir (08:13):
So this listener wrote, "I've been listening to your podcast since 2020 and love it. The chill, casual but informative vibes you give off are super entertaining. I just got caught up with the newer episodes and was so surprised to come across the one of Elisa's daughter visiting Lima and Machu Picchu as I am Peruvian."
(08:32):
It's not often I hear about my country in a podcast, so thanks for mentioning the story. Peru, with all its issues, is a beautiful place, especially the Andes, rainforest, and beaches. Your daughter might be too young to appreciate this trip now, but in time she will. I visited these ruins twice as a kid and took it for granted as I now realize how lucky I was to have one of the seven wonders of the world in my own country. As tired as I was when hiking it, I remember admiring its beauty and feeling a magical energy there. It really is like no other. I wish for all parents to show their kids good values and important life lessons and I think this form of traveling is one way to do so. I've never learned more about the world and it's people than in those rural/adventurous trips.
(09:12):
And I'm forever grateful to my parents for these experiences. If you have the means, expose your kids to the rest of the world and help them learn about how others live. Traveling and meeting new people, seeing new places and cultures is so educational and rewarding. And if you can't, at least show them via a documentary, book, have conversations, help them value and not take for granted what they have. I'm sure your daughter learned so much during her trip. I truly hope she enjoyed her time in Peru and that she cherishes this experience as she grows up.
Elise Hu (09:40):
That's so lovely.
Doree Shafrir (09:41):
What a nice note. Thank
Elise Hu (09:43):
You for writing it.
Doree Shafrir (09:44):
Thank you so much. That's so cool. Once again, you can call or text us at 781-591-0390, email us at forever35podcast@gmail.com and you can visit our website, forever35podcast.com for links to everything we mentioned on the show. We are also on Instagram @forever35podcast and please join our Patreon at patreon.com/forever35 if you want to hear from us more than once a week. We do our weekly casual chats on Fridays, which are also on video. We also do live casual chats every quarter. You get access to our community chat on Patreon and then at $10 a month, you get ad free episodes and a shout out on the podcast every month. All right we are going to take a short break and when we get back we have an interesting voicemail about the question about group dynamics that came up a couple weeks ago. Okay. All right, so we will be right back.
(10:42):
All right we are back and we have a voicemail.
Listener Voicemail (10:48):
Hi there. I have some thoughts about the group inclusivity question. I'm not a professional as in I don't run these groups, but I am a parent of two young children and I have been to these groups and I was listening to this thinking, oh, I've probably been guilty of being the parent that just goes and sees my friends. And I think from the listener, this likely seems like a drop in group. That's my guess if she's saying that people show up and then maybe they don't return. So I mean initially I was like, oh, you could make it more formal, but I also have a feeling that people might be attending the group as a way to hang out with their friends because they have young children and sometimes it's easier to go to a group setting where they're all kind of catch up with your friends.
(11:46):
So then my other thought was if you're offering these drop in groups, could you offer like a special group for newcomers or do it age based based on the kids? I find I often connect better with parents who have kids the same age as me because then you're all going through the same things with like toddlers or if it's baby, you can just relate a little bit more and it's easier to break the ice if you're being like, "Oh my gosh, my kid panicked because I peeled a banana and they wanted to peel it. " That's like an automatic icebreaker if you have kids the same age or if it's like a paid group, maybe you could do something like if you never signed up for this group before there's like a first time newcomers discount and then maybe you have run a group once a week that is just some people who've never been before and then those people can kind of, they're all new and it's not so scary to walk into a room and everyone but you knows each other because I know I've also been that person where some people seem really cool but I don't want to intrude if they are maybe have their friends and I don't want to like be the odd one breaking up the group.
(13:02):
So yeah, maybe like newcomer offer or split up the playgroup a little bit by ages, but yeah, it's tricky. I've been on both sides of this. Good luck.
Elise Hu (13:12):
This actually reminds me of a different TED Talk that hasn't come out yet but will and it's by the sociologist or social science researcher, Nicholas Epley and it's all about talking to strangers and how research indicates that it is good for us to talk to strangers. It is good for us to connect with other human beings. All the longitudinal studies show that it makes us happier to have these kinds of connections and very rarely are they so sideways with somebody who might be dangerous or whatever, not the things that we're scared of, but we as humans are biased to fear having these conversations. So we like have this negative bias that it's going to not go well for whatever reason, but we have to kind of overcome that bias a little bit more intentionally to just like talk to the person whose hat you really like that you saw on the train because it ends up being not just good for them but also good for you to have done it and how it applies to this in that when there are newcomers we should do our best to try and lean into that and welcome them and include them because they probably think that you don't want to talk to them.
(14:28):
More often than not, I should just chat or try and chat because it redounds well to everyone. But thank you for your actual like practical suggestions there on bringing all newcomers together in as a group. I think that could certainly help. But when there are new folks that lets all of us try and commit to just getting past our bias for the negative or our filter for the negative
Doree Shafrir (14:52):
I love that. I feel like you're really good at that.
Elise Hu (14:55):
I kind of have to force myself to be because I was a shy person and so I think it's like really an active practice and it's only made things better and easier
Doree Shafrir (15:07):
When you get into it as a practice Yeah, that's really interesting. I also think the suggestion about doing it by the age of the kids is so important because that was so key for me is like being these mom groups where all the kids were within like, I don't know, a month to a month and a half of each other. We were all going through the same stuff at the same time. So that is definitely important I think. Okay. We got a couple of voicemails and emails about spending less.
Listener Voicemail (15:45):
Hi Dora and Elise. I am just calling in response to the Mini App this week where someone wrote in asking about how to shift spending and just be more mindful of spending but not in like a diet culturally way and I just had two quick thoughts on that I wanted to share. One is not necessarily buying less or like cutting things out of your spending, but just shifting that spending to more local businesses. So rather than going to like a big chain grocery store or like a Walmart or a Target, spending that money at a local, like a smaller local chain or even like an independent grocer in your neighborhood. So not only does that keep the money that you're spending directly in your community and supporting your neighbors and also knowing that the more you shop, the more they can buy in terms of inventory and just provide more to your community.
(16:40):
It's just so much more fun to actually see the results of your spending and know that everything is staying locally, but also like it's just nice to just like say hello to a real person. Also the other thing I was thinking about too is just like focusing on being more additive and actually this is kind of like something I do in response to diet culture on the food side is like being more additive. So instead of like cutting things out, like what can I add to make my meals more nutritious or more in line with like what I'm wanting to put into my body so rather than what can I add? So if you're adding new hobbies, if you're adding more time getting together with friends or connecting with neighbors or going for a walk with someone or whatever, the more you do that, the less you're thinking about spending.
(17:28):
Sure, you might like meet a friend for coffee or have to buy groceries if you're inviting someone over for dinner or buying someone a birthday present or something like that. But I don't think that's the spending she's talking about. For me, it's like the mindless like, do I need more t-shirts from the gap? I mean, maybe I do, but like I probably don't. And if I think about like the time that I could spend just like clicking around on my phone or my computer, but yes, in terms of being additive, the more positive things you add into your life, the less you're thinking about what you're missing, what you need to buy, how you need to spend your money. And I think like some of the goals that she's envisioning or like what she wants to get out of this, being remindful of spending would just tap in naturally without cutting things out in the way that I guess we're trying to avoid when we're thinking about it, not being like diet culture.
(18:19):
Okay, sorry I talk too much. I love you guys. Bye.
Doree Shafrir (18:23):
I love all of these suggestions that this listener just left us. I do think that this idea of like consciously shopping local is so important
Elise Hu (18:32):
And also the idea of being additive
Doree Shafrir (18:34):
Yeah, totally. So we also got a message about this. This listener said I wanted to write in to respond to the listener who's trying to reduce spending and their susceptibility to advertising and consumption. One way that I've integrated this into my life is through buying clothes secondhand and buying my kids clothes and toys secondhand as well. I'm fortunate to live in an area that has a very active buy, sell, and free cycle Facebook groups. Since it's all hyper local, this practice also feels like I'm part of a really positive local community effort. I'm part of a local women's clothing buy sell group and a separate kids buy sell group. I find so much joy in getting a great bargain on clothes. I just scored a cheap pair of mother jeans, for example, and also love selling and giving away my kids' gear to other parents.
(19:24):
This honestly feels like a hobby to me now and not at all like a spending diet, but at the same time I'm reducing consumption and waste so it's a win-win. I mean, I love this too
Elise Hu (19:33):
And go to Depop. We have this great sponsor relationship with Depop, which is encourage both of us to do the same thing
Doree Shafrir (19:39):
And
Elise Hu (19:40):
Buy pre-loved and it's been awesome.
Doree Shafrir (19:43):
Finding so much
Elise Hu (19:44):
Great stuff.
Doree Shafrir (19:45):
Yes. All right. So we are going to take another short break and when we come back we have a couple requests for recommendations.
Elise Hu (19:54):
Okay. We'll be right back.
Doree Shafrir (19:55):
We'll be right back. All right, we are back. Elise, do you want to take this next message?
Elise Hu (20:07):
Sure. Hello ladies. Love the pod and all the recs you provide. I'm from Canada and when I was in Palm Springs recently, I ran into Trader Joe's for all the skincare. I have two travel questions for either of you. One, favorite hotel in Boston. My husband and I are thinking of visiting there. It's this place we've always wanted to see. We'd like to see all the sites and stay somewhere central. We don't want to break the bank but also stay somewhere lovely. Two, any tips for Uber drop off and pickup at a Dodgers game in LA? My daughters are doing a dad and daughter trip in July and going, "I seem to remember one of you talking about this before once. Would love to hear any tips." Thank you and have a great week. Well, Doree, you are from Boston.
Doree Shafrir (20:49):
I am from Boston, but I do always kind of joke that people ask me for Boston recommendations and like I haven't lived there since I was like 18. So my recommendations are based on just like trips going back. I have stayed in some hotels in Boston. The Liberty Hotel is kind of cool. That could be an option if you want to splurge. I know you said you don't want to break the bank, but the Newbury is like the best location possible. It is right across the street from the public garden. It's at the end of Newbury Street, which is like this lovely walkable street with tons of shops and other restaurants and cafes and stuff. That would be like a really lovely place to say it's also right by the train. You kind of can't get more central than that. Liberty is like not quite as central.
(21:47):
It's not quite as walkable, but it is right by the train so that could be another option. But if our listeners have other Boston Hotel suggestions as people who may have traveled there more recently and stayed in a hotel, because the most recent time I stayed in a hotel was in Brookline closer to my parents, which you probably don't want to be in Brookline. You probably want to be like more central.
Elise Hu (22:14):
When I'm in Boston, I almost always stay in Cambridge because it's so walkable and trainable and I just don't remember where all I've stayed. I want to say I haven't stayed somewhere that was like so unique that it really stands out, but Cambridge is a great place in
Doree Shafrir (22:34):
Boston to- Cambridge is great. ...
Elise Hu (22:35):
To stay if you're going to kind of have a home base.
Doree Shafrir (22:39):
Well, and the Liberty, one thing that it is walkable to is Cambridge because it is like right off the bridge. So you can walk across the bridge and you're right by Memorial Storo Drive and there are things to walk to. It just doesn't feel quite as central as like being right on Newbury Street.
Elise Hu (23:01):
What about Dodgers games? I've only ever driven to Dodgers games and parked. Me too. So I don't want to give you- I don't have Uber suggestions the wrong information. Okay. Okay.
Doree Shafrir (23:10):
I mean, I see Ubers going into Dodger Stadium all the time. There is a specific drop off and pickup point for Ubers. So I can't imagine that it would be super complicated, but getting out of Dodger Stadium, whether or not you Uber or you drive is challenging. So I would say if you don't want to be stuck, you might want to leave a few minutes before the end, or it could take a long time to get out of that parking lot. So just a little pro tip. Okay. Now for a couple of voicemails with requests for products.
Listener Voicemail (23:55):
Hi, Annalise. This is Emma calling from Chicago and my question is, what are you or other listeners using for an alarm clock? I know this is old advice to leave your phone outside the bedroom if you can and use an alarm clock, but what specific alarm clocks are people using? What do you like? What's cute? What works? All right. Thank you both so much. Love you.
Elise Hu (24:23):
I use my phone alarm, so I don't have any alarm clock suggestions.
Doree Shafrir (24:27):
I use my child.
Elise Hu (24:29):
I was going to say, I don't actually have an alarm clock situation that I set regularly, but if I am taking a nap, for instance, and I need to get up by 2:15 or something, then I use my phone.
Doree Shafrir (24:43):
I do still have an old clock radio, a Tivoli clock radio.
Elise Hu (24:47):
Oh, those are nice.
Doree Shafrir (24:50):
I mean, it's got to be at this point almost 20 years old. It has a docking station for one of the first iPhones or iPods even. But sometimes if I do need to set an alarm, I do still set that and wake up to the radio and you can still buy ittivally. I mean, they're expensive.
Elise Hu (25:14):
They're well made. They last forever
Doree Shafrir (25:16):
Clearly. Yeah, they're well made. I see one model here for $100 so that could be an option. I know Hatch makes a popular alarm wake up light thing, that could also be something that you look into.
Elise Hu (25:39):
Good. Yeah.
Doree Shafrir (25:41):
Okay. If other people have suggestions, we'd love to hear them. And now finally, we have another request.
Listener Voicemail (25:48):
Hi all. I would love to hear your recommendations for a daily tinted sunscreen. I'm sure you've covered this a million times on the podcast, but I specifically am looking for recommendations for tinted daily sunscreen for mature skin. I have tried SkinCeuticals, I've tried EltaMD, I've tried Jones Road, I've tried Cosys, I tried Supergoop and there's something about my aging skin that makes all of those get kind of flaky. So I'm wondering if there's some kind of mystery tinted sunscreen out there that I haven't uncovered yet that somebody has to share with me. So if that's true, please let me know. Thank you.
Doree Shafrir (26:43):
Okay. So Tinted Sunscreen, I actually do have a recommendation because it was just sent to me by Ilia and I'm actually wearing it right now. I really like it because it is a tinted mineral sunscreen for sensitive skin. It's called the Sun Serum Mineral Sunscreen. It's SPF 50. It only comes in two shades so that might or might not work for you. I am wearing the light medium shade and then they also have a medium deep shade, but it does feel so nice going on and I think it has just the right amount of tint. I don't want to feel like I'm wearing a foundation. I just want a little bit of tint and it says, and I also like that it's SPF 50. I would recommend the Ilia Sun Serum.
Elise Hu (27:44):
So my one thing to add is just the tinted sunscreen, the Korean tinted sunscreen that I love and that I wear before sports and everything. And it turns out is the number one sunscreen for Korean golfers is a brand called Dominas, D-O-M-I-N-A-S. And if they come to the US, then we are going to be all about it right now. I think you have to get it muled or get it on eBay or something, but the Glo Job Girls who came on the show and you can go back and listen to that episode, give us a little backstory on that when they came on. So great question. Listeners, if you have any suggestions as usual, call in or join the chat, the running chat on our Patreon.
Doree Shafrir (28:27):
Yep. All right. Thanks so much everyone.
Elise Hu (28:29):
Talk to you next time.
Doree Shafrir (28:30):
Bye.