Mini-Ep 482: Grow Where You’re Planted
Doree reports on the playdate that started the decluttering and Elise gets to meet Rob’s high school friends. Then they hear from listeners who ask for advice on plants for a container garden and how to get started with a skincare routine.
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Transcript
Doree Shafrir (00:10):
Hello, hello and welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Doree Shafrir.
Elise Hu (00:18):
And I'm Elise Hugh, and we are just two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.
Doree Shafrir (00:23):
And this is a mini episode where we hear from you. We share your comments and your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability. But please remember, we are not experts. We are podcast hosts. We do always encourage you to seek support first and foremost from a medical and/or mental health professional as needed.
Elise Hu (00:41):
That's right. How are you doing? How was your weekend?
Doree Shafrir (00:44):
My weekend was good. We had the play date. The
Elise Hu (00:47):
Long- Oh yeah. The one that you were cleaning for.
Doree Shafrir (00:50):
Promised. An anticipated play date.
Elise Hu (00:54):
Well, tell us everything. How did it go?
Doree Shafrir (00:57):
It went great. Awesome. We really cleaned the front of the house. The house is kind of in two parts. There's the front section, which is the living room, dining room, and then Henry's bedroom and Henry's playroom and his bathroom, and then a half bath. And the kitchen. And then there's the back of the house, which must have been added on later. And it's our bedroom and another bathroom and my office. And there's a door between the two sections. So you could block off half the house.
Elise Hu (01:33):
Oh, wow. Yeah.
Doree Shafrir (01:35):
We kept that door closed because my office and bedroom were-
Elise Hu (01:40):
It became where you stashed stuff?
Doree Shafrir (01:42):
Well, not even where we stashed. There's actually not that much that we stashed back here, but we didn't clean it. So it was like, these are not ready for public consumption. But the front of the house looked great. It was clean.
Elise Hu (01:58):
Amazing.
Doree Shafrir (01:59):
It felt clean. And the guests were delightful. The kids had a blast. They played
Elise Hu (02:08):
Raised
Doree Shafrir (02:08):
Marbles pretty much the whole time. And yeah, it went off without a hitch.
Elise Hu (02:17):
Great.
Doree Shafrir (02:18):
Yeah.
Elise Hu (02:19):
Are you now on deck because it went off so well, are the other parents sort of like, "We'll see you next
Doree Shafrir (02:28):
Week." No. But
Elise Hu (02:31):
Henry
Doree Shafrir (02:31):
Does want to have- Well,
Elise Hu (02:32):
That's a relief.
Doree Shafrir (02:33):
Yeah, exactly. Henry does want to have monthly play dates, he told me. Okay. Monthly. I can handle monthly. All right. Yeah. Weekly it would be a lot, but monthly I can handle.
Elise Hu (02:46):
Yeah. And usually there's so many other things going on too that you probably won't even have to hold to that.
Doree Shafrir (02:51):
Totally.
Elise Hu (02:51):
Because somebody will be having a birthday party or the sports or the recitals or things like that. How
Doree Shafrir (02:58):
Was your weekend? A lot of soccer.
Elise Hu (03:01):
Yeah. It was a lot of soccer. Well, was it? It felt very full, but it's because we're still doing Chinese New Year celebrations. They're still going on because of the immersion schools. And because there's two Mandarin Immersion Elementaries in this area, plus A Mandarin Immersion Middle School and then high school. And so they all do this massive Lunar New Year festival every year and they choose just whichever weekend in February is available. So all of the classes from kindergarten to 12th grade have an opportunity to perform some sort of example of cultural ... Or just perform something from Chinese culture. Oh, okay. The third graders did this whole kung fu thing. The seventh graders did a rap. Wow. The fifth graders had sang. Usually it's a song, but then as they get more sophisticated in their Chinese language skills, they start performing like old plays and operas and things.
(04:05)
Oh,
Doree Shafrir (04:06):
Cool.
Elise Hu (04:06):
Yeah. So it's kind of advanced, but it's always at Venice High School or every year it's at Venice High School. And for whatever reason, every year it's on the hottest day in February and there's no shade. And so I brought up Parasol this time. I had a sunbrella because I knew that this was going to happen, but even the sunbrella didn't really protect me that much. It was a crazy hot. The kids had a good time. Luna was very crabby. I forgot to feed her and she made a point to tell everybody. She was like, "My mom didn't feed me. My mom hasn't fed me. I am starving."
Doree Shafrir (04:41):
Oh my God.
Elise Hu (04:42):
And so one of the other parents ... I know one of the other parents in the booth was like, "I have a chicken katsu sando. I'm going to give it to you. " And so she got herself like a free sandwich from mitzua as a result of telling everybody, "My mom didn't feed me.
Doree Shafrir (04:59):
" Oh my God. So
Elise Hu (05:01):
She had a bit of art. That's so
Doree Shafrir (05:02):
Funny.
Elise Hu (05:03):
Yeah. And then, so that was way on the west side. And then in the afternoon, Rob had his kind of an informal high school reunion. Those guys from his LA high school get together pretty ... Even though they were in high school like 35 years ago, they still do a pretty good job of trying to get together once a year. And this time it's because one of their high school classmates moved to Australia, moved to Melbourne. And so when he comes back, he has people over too, not his house because he doesn't live here anymore. He has people over to his parents' house in the valley where all the boys used to hang out. So it's like they're back at Steve or Scott or whatever his name is, parents' house. And then this time with kids and spouses and everything. So it was cool. I got to meet a lot of his high school buddies.
(05:58)
Oh,
Doree Shafrir (05:59):
Cool.
Elise Hu (06:02):
What those ties are, are so based on nostalgia. And so they were remembering who did what and the football coaches and their shenanigans. And one of them was like, "And this guy was the prefect." And I guess they have prefects there instead of like senior class presidents or prefects are different than class. I don't know. Anyway, and it was cool just to get to meet all those guys. And then Luna had some soccer. Luna has chosen a new team. She has chosen a new soccer team and she started playing with them because it was the official end of the season on February 28th. And she kind of overheated at the end of the game.
Doree Shafrir (06:42):
Oh no. It was hot.
Elise Hu (06:43):
Yeah. And it was really interesting because I saw her sort of on the field sort of heaving, just having a hard time breathing and just kind of like bent over. But then anytime the ball came to her, she had to actually engage, but then she was clearly having a hard time. And it was one of those situations in which the coach didn't notice. And then the other girls were obviously all going a hundred percent, but she wasn't. She was like already dialed down to an 80. And I thought, what's going to happen? Is she just going to play through? And she played through a couple of different plays. And then I saw her go to the ref. She went and raised her hand and went to the ref, and the ref called the coach on and that helped her get off. So I was actually pretty proud of her because she's pretty internal and she doesn't speak up that often.
(07:30)
She's just a more introverted kid than the other sisters. And so I was glad that she advocated for herself. I was going to say,
Doree Shafrir (07:37):
She advocated. Good for her.
Elise Hu (07:39):
Yeah. So that was good because at first the coach was like, "You're holding up the game, mama." Oh no. He's Jamaican. So all the girls are mama. And then the refer called him up and he was very loving and he gave her a big hug. It was very sweet. So yeah, it was just like a lot of that kind of thing. We were just crisscrossing town. Yeah. Wow. So it was pretty good. I don't feel fully recovered from the weekend or by the weekend, but I did get a text on Friday afternoon, last minute invite to go to the desert today. It was so out of the blue and it was actually while I was at a tennis lesson, our friend Caitlin, who has appeared on Forever35, who runs Racket Magazine, she was like, "Hey, do you want to come to the desert to this retreat for a couple days?" You just do wellness.
(08:31)
There's really no agenda except for Wednesday. And I was like, "Excuse me, what? " And-
Doree Shafrir (08:35):
I guess my invite got lost. That's cool, Caitlin.
Elise Hu (08:41):
She goes, "Somebody dropped out. So sorry for the last minute." But I guess this thing starts on Monday and she had dropped out on Friday afternoon or the person who attended dropped out on Friday afternoon. And so I scrambled and I called the dads. I called Rob and I called Maddie and they were very cool about handling it. So I'm going to go and whatever it is that happens at these wellness retreats, I'm going to do those. I did ask, I was like, "Are there any circles?" Because I don't know if I can sit around in a bunch of circles, but I actually do have to podcast on Wednesday podcasts on Tuesday. And there were some things and she was like, "No, there's no set agenda except for if you want to do a tennis clinic with pros, Madison Keys and Yanik Sinner's coach, Darren Cahill on Wednesday, they're doing a whole session.
(09:31)
You probably should do that. " And I'm like, "Oh, okay. Is it okay that? "
Doree Shafrir (09:36):
Oh my God.
Elise Hu (09:37):
I play tennis so infrequently that I don't even have a tennis bag. Am I supposed to just roll up? I guess I'll just roll up with a racket and be like,
Doree Shafrir (09:46):
"Hi." I'm sure they have demo rackets there too.
Elise Hu (09:50):
Yeah. Yeah. It'll be fun. I'll take pictures and share them and report back
Doree Shafrir (09:57):
Next
Elise Hu (09:57):
Time we take. Yes,
Doree Shafrir (09:58):
Please do. Well, Elise, before we take a break, let me just remind everyone that you can call or text us at 781-591-0390. Email us at forever35podcast@gmail.com. Thanks so much to all of our Patreon supporters who came through with so many great questions this week. We put out a call for questions on our Patreon, which is at patreon.com/freber35 and you all really came through. In fact, we got so many that some of them we will get to next week. So thank you so much. But you can also always do that at 715910390 or by email. And our website is forever35podcast.com. You can shop our favorite products at shopmy.us/forever35. And again, our Patreon is patreon.com/forever35. We have our weekly casual chats. We have our monthly pop culture recommendation episodes. We have ad-free episodes. You get a thank you on the podcast at the $10 level and above.
(10:57)
There's just a lot of goodness there. There's chats. There's a lot going on. Patreon.com/Forever35. All right. After the break, we have digital piano recommendations. We have some gardening questions. We have a very interesting family reunion question. So stay tuned for all of that. We'll be right back.
Elise Hu (11:18):
We'll be right back.
Doree Shafrir (11:26):
Okay. We are back. And this is a text that we got. Hi again. I still snore. This was from the listener who snored, but I wanted to let Dori know that I just played my first USTA match, Doubles 2.5, and we won. So fun to hear about Dori's love of the game as I have also entered into this hobby over the past year as a 40 plus newbie. Yay. Oh, I'm so happy for you. Welcome to your tennis journey. It's just going to be great. I'm so excited for you. Okay. Elise, do you want to read this next note that we got?
Elise Hu (12:07):
Sure. Hi, Dorian Elise. Love the pod. It's always a bright spot in my week. I was just listening to MiniEp 481 and wanted to share a recommendation for the caller who asked about a digital piano for her and her kid. I am also a beginner and recently purchased the Donner DDP80E piano and she links it and we will link it in our show notes to get a full set of weighted keys and pedals in a sleek design that doesn't take up too much space. I'm by no means an expert or virtuoso, but it's been a great fit for me. I love how it sounds and feels, and the price point is a big bonus. It looks like Donner also offers even more beginner or advanced models depending on needs. That said, I did quite a bit of research before purchasing and also read that Roland, like what Dori suggested, is known for fantastic sound quality.
(12:54)
Just wanted to offer another option in case the listener is looking for something a little cheaper or more aesthetic. Have a great week. Excellent.
Doree Shafrir (13:00):
Okay. Great rex
Elise Hu (13:03):
There. Yeah. I asked Rob and our keyboard is also a Roland. I guess that's like a very common digital keyboard.
Doree Shafrir (13:12):
Yeah. It's a well known brand. And they specifically are called digital pianos because they have weighted keys as opposed to just a keyboard that doesn't have weighted keys. So they make a lot of great products like that. Okay. Moving on. We have this question that I do not have an answer to, but maybe you do, Elise.
(13:48)
Can anyone recommend good flowers, plants, or decorative grasses that do well in deck boxes? I have four boxes total and I usually like to plant three decorative ones and one with herbs. Every year I end up buying seeds from Home Depot that don't really suit the small boxes, so I'd love some specific suggestions on what to buy. I'd also prefer to support a local garden store instead of Home Depot. So if you have favorite local places or plants they carry, I'd really appreciate those recommendations too. Additionally, I'm looking for a good light and shelving system for indoor growing. I live in Connecticut and like to start seeds with my son to help us get excited for spring. Any suggestions that work well for that would be awesome. Thanks so much.
Elise Hu (14:34):
Oh, this is such a question for my mom and dad and not for me.
Doree Shafrir (14:38):
Oh, okay.
Elise Hu (14:39):
Yeah. My dad has such a green thumb and he always plants and he buys plants for me. And when he's here in town, he will plant them too.
Doree Shafrir (14:47):
Oh my gosh. How cool.
Elise Hu (14:48):
Yeah. So I have no idea. I have a lot of greenery in my house, but I have no idea what they are. I will say that I agree that even though you can get really good deals at the nursery inside Home Depot or in Walmart, even cheaper at Walmart, if you live in a neighborhood that has Walmarts, I still prefer to go to local places and here in Los Angeles, I like the place Rolling Greens and I've gotten plants there and then it's also-
Doree Shafrir (15:21):
They don't have a ton of seeds.
Elise Hu (15:23):
Yeah. Yeah. It's plants more. Mostly
Doree Shafrir (15:25):
Plants. But Sunset
Elise Hu (15:26):
Nursery
Doree Shafrir (15:28):
In Silver Lake has a lot of stuff. I
Elise Hu (15:31):
Don't know. This person's in Connecticut. So we would love to hear any suggestions from y'all on flowers and decorative grasses. I have a lot. My landscaping upfront has a lot of grasses that are native to Southern California. So I don't know that they would do that well in boxes in Connecticut. And then the other thing I really like are succulents and succulents are kind of fun to grow with a kid because they grow rather quickly.
Doree Shafrir (16:02):
Yes.
Elise Hu (16:03):
And then they flower also.
Doree Shafrir (16:04):
Yes.
Elise Hu (16:06):
Okay. So the call out from this listener is any recommendations for good flowers, plants, or decorative grasses that do well in deck boxes, and then also any good light and shelving system for indoor growing. Write us, call us, text us, and we'll share your answers.
Doree Shafrir (16:24):
Yeah. I'm curious, not because I think I will be doing any deck boxes or window boxes or anything like that, but just I'm just curious. Okay. Okay. Next question. I wonder if either you or any listeners has organized a family reunion. This is my first time organizing for our family planned for this August in Maine. We have a wide spread of incomes, dietary preferences, personalities. Just wondered if you have any advice for organizing meals or activities.
Elise Hu (16:59):
I have only attended numerous family reunions because I have like 97 cousins and second cousins. Oh,
Doree Shafrir (17:06):
Okay.
Elise Hu (17:07):
However, I never organize them because I don't want to take on that task. It seems like there's always a widespread of incomes, dietary preferences and personalities. But I will tell you that the memorable family reunions for us tended to be ones in which the itinerary wasn't too overplanned. You had a lot of free time during the day and then one sort of big activity, family, big family activity at night, or you had something outdoors like a picnic or barbecue or something during the day and then you were free at night. It seemed to suit people to not just do organized activities together as a family nonstop. So that was good because we were often going to places that we didn't live. A lot of my family's based in, or my extended family's based in the DC area in Maryland. And so we'll do stuff in Pennsylvania or in DC proper.
(18:09)
And so this allowed for a chance to explore a little bit, but then also be with the family.
Doree Shafrir (18:15):
Nice. I've never done anything like this, so I have nothing to add here. The most family gathering trip or anything that we've done has been with my brother and sister and their families, but I wouldn't really
Elise Hu (18:33):
Call that
Doree Shafrir (18:34):
Like a family reunion exactly. So it's interesting.
Elise Hu (18:40):
I'm glad y'all are doing it though, because I would say there's some second cousins of mine that I really love and I love their personalities and I love who they are and we wouldn't even know each other but for the reunions. Oh wow. We just wouldn't come together normally. But then for example, when I was on book tour and I was in places like Seattle, I remembered I had cousin George and his wife Baharay and they were in Seattle and I could call them. And when I was in Chicago, I had a bunch of other cousins that I could call. So it was cool. That thing is cool. And then that element of it is cool, like the outgrowth from a family reunion.
Doree Shafrir (19:16):
Yeah. Let us know what you decide. I'm very curious. And if other listeners have thoughts or have experience doing this, we'd love to hear about it. So let us know. All right. We are going to take another short break and we'll be right back. And we have a great update from our listener who had originally written in about burnout. And then just to wrap things up, a skincare question, an OG skincare question. So
Elise Hu (19:45):
We'll be right back. We're going to talk about serums. Fantastic.
Doree Shafrir (19:54):
All right, we are back. Elise, do you want to read this?
Elise Hu (19:58):
Sure. Hi, Elise and Dori. It's me, the burnt out advertising exec mom of two from Mini Apps 463 and 465. First of all, thank you, thank you, thank you for featuring my email on the mini episodes. I felt so honored and grateful for all of the love and attention you both and the Forever35 community gave my question. It was the exact encouragement I needed to prioritize myself and my care. Good news, I'm doing significantly better both physically and mentally compared to when I initially emailed. And interestingly, I have the same job for now. Because of this, I wanted to share some of the advice and actions I took thanks to you all. I had honest conversations with my boss and colleagues about my burnout and the changes I would need to make to prioritize my mental, physical and emotional health. Joined a fitness studio along with three friends and prioritized weekly classes that filled both my physical and social cups, started therapy, used all of my available vacation time for that year and planned to do the same this year, recentered my non-working time around family, hobbies and friends, reestablished boundaries and stopped checking Slack and email during non-working hours and have become the person setting and modeling these boundaries for others.
(21:03)
Ultimately have been doing work to separate my own self-worth and self-identity from my paid work and career. I'm still not sure if this roller company is quote forever, likely not, but I have found a much more sustainable groove that will surely benefit me and my outlook on my entire career, especially while I'm prioritizing time and presence with my young kids. Thanks again, Doree and Elise and the Forever35 community for the wisdom and encouragement. Couldn't have done it without y'all. PS, this will be my Forever35 birthday this year, and I've been loving the conversations around how to mark this milestone birthday. Keep the ideas coming.
Doree Shafrir (21:37):
Oh my gosh. I just-
Elise Hu (21:39):
That's so touching.
Doree Shafrir (21:43):
Yeah, I was so touched to get this update. I
Elise Hu (21:45):
Also think that even if you don't stay in this job, which you probably won't, this is a way that you're modeling and then setting boundaries and being a leader here, it's going to have ripple effects for another generation of leaders in your company. So it's leaving a legacy of good for everybody else, no matter how long you stay. So congratulations and we're so glad to get this update.
Doree Shafrir (22:10):
Yeah. So great. And happy Forever35 birthday.
Elise Hu (22:15):
Yeah. Happy birthday.
Doree Shafrir (22:16):
Okay. Final question. So listener writes, "I've somehow magically gotten through life without a skincare routine. I've always found all of the products and steps intimidating, but I think a skincare ritual at night could be really calming and nice. I don't have many skin concerns. My skin is combination. I don't have too much acne, but I do get some redness. I try looking for guides, but got caught up in endless listicles with hundreds of products and was quickly overwhelmed. Where's a good place for a girl to start? In the past, I've liked Neutrogena sunscreen and I have liked Origins, Checks and Balances face wash. I just got Dermalogica Daily Microfoliant because I was looking for an exfoliant, but really it's all just been a mix and match with no intent.
Elise Hu (22:59):
Okay. I'm so glad you asked.
Doree Shafrir (23:03):
What do you think? What would you
Elise Hu (23:05):
Be doing for someone?
(23:07)
Yeah. Well, I would just say obviously we don't have to get into specific products, but just a big overarching idea if you want to build a basic skincare routine. And I actually did a LifeKit episode about this for NPR LifeKit for if you don't want to do a 10-step skincare routine and you just want to do something very, very basic. All of the advice from dermatologists and aestheticians is just cleanse, treat, protect. Cleanse for washing your face, protection is sunscreen, and then treat can include a lot of things, and that's what we get into with various products. Moisturizing falls into treat, actives fall into treat. But those are kind of like the three basic pillars of a skincare routine, and then you can kind of decide what you're doing within those. And there were more specific questions though about guides and listicles. And that's why I wanted just to say, you basically just need to start with some pillars and then never, ever, ever forget sunscreen is kind of the takeaway from every skin person everywhere.
Doree Shafrir (24:19):
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think that when you think ... It sounds like you don't have big skin quote unquote problems. And I put that in quotes because I feel like, what is a skin problem? I feel like a lot of it is created by the skincare- Beauty industry. ... care beauty industry to make us think that we need to solve things. So I do think that less is more, and I totally agree with Elise that you definitely want to start pretty basic. But I also hear you when you say that you want something that will be sort of calming, like a ritual at the
Elise Hu (24:54):
End of
Doree Shafrir (24:54):
The day. So sometimes people, there's things that you can do in your skincare routine that may not actually do anything for your skin, but it feels nice to just do it for yourself. And I put a lot of the sort of essences and toners into that category. Look, essence and toner stands come at me, but I find that those are mostly just sort of like pleasant, nice things to put on your face, like maybe a spritz, like a mist kind of thing. It's like lovely, but do I think it's like moving the needle on how my skin looks? Not really, but that might just be me. I do think that vitamin C serums are pretty great kind of across the board. Some people have sensitivity to them. I talked about this on the podcast because before I got pregnant, vitamin C made me break out and then whatever hormonal shift happened in pregnancy and afterwards, I can now use vitamin C serums and not break out.
(26:07)
So your mileage may vary, but I do think that there are some great vitamin C serums. If you want to kind of start with like not expensive, but high quality products, I think timeless makes some really good products that have like high potency, but you can also start with like a lower potency. But what I'm saying is like quality products. They have quality products. And then yeah, a sunscreen that you really like and a good moisturizer and like kind of see how that works for you.
Elise Hu (26:35):
And skincare doesn't really have to be products either like sometimes a really great facial massage feels nice too. So you could always splurge on something like that. And if you are trying a bunch of things, one hack that I learned as I was doing reporting was that, especially because with Korean skincare products and all the shops there, you get so many samples. It's just like trick or treat every time you step into a store, is that if you are trying something for your face or you overpurchased or you didn't like it for your face, just use them on your body, use them on other parts of your body. So overpurchased moisturizers can turn into foot creams or hand creams and that can be a part of your experimentation.
Doree Shafrir (27:24):
Yes, yes, yes. That's like such a great point. Oh, the last thing I wanted to say, you reminded me of this when you said facial massage, but you can do like washaw and like other kind of facial massage things on your own
Elise Hu (27:40):
As
Doree Shafrir (27:41):
Well. There's tons of YouTube videos that will show you how to do it, not to like overwhelm you, but that can be really calming and relaxing. And I think like works for like whatever that means to you, I think it does like actually do something to your face. So that could be something that you try and it feels really good. And also like an ice roller feels really good or a jade roller feels really good.
Elise Hu (28:08):
Yes.
Doree Shafrir (28:09):
Those
Elise Hu (28:09):
Are all
Doree Shafrir (28:09):
Things that are nice to sort of like incorporate into your ritual because I think they do something like to your nervous system also that is ultimately like calming for your skin.
Elise Hu (28:22):
Agree.
Doree Shafrir (28:22):
Just something to like keep in mind. All right. Well, thank you so much everyone. Thank you for your questions and we will talk to you soon.
Elise Hu (28:33):
Okay. Bye. Talk next time.