Mini-Ep 451: Party City
Doree and Elise catch up and discuss going to a beauty brand party together and Elise’s trip to Zion. They also learn how to clean a tutu and respond to a couple of work-related questions.
Mentioned in this Episode
Team Forman: instagram.com/teamformantennis
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Transcript
This episode transcript is AI generated.
Doree (00:10):
Hello and welcome to Forver35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Doree Shafrir.
Elise (00:17):
And I'm Elise Hu. And we're just two friends who like to talk a lot about serums,
Doree (00:21):
And this is a mini episode where we hear from you, we share your comments and your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability. But please remember, we are podcast hosts. We are not experts. We always encourage you to seek support first and foremost from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Elise (00:39):
And we're catching up for the first time in a couple episodes because I have been on summer vacation. So it's really good to see you. I'm excited to catch up. I'm
Listener Voicemail (00:47):
Excited
Elise (00:49):
To hear what the listeners have in store for us, but thanks for bearing with us. But yeah, I'm used to catching up with you a few times a week, and so I've missed
Doree (00:57):
You. I know I missed you too.
Elise (01:00):
We haven't even told folks about our milk makeup event that we went to.
Doree (01:05):
Oh my gosh, yes. Well, I think that was the last time I saw you. That was right before you left for Zion. Yeah, we were invited to this event for milk makeup that they were doing in conjunction with Amazon Beauty. And it was a very, I don't go to that many events, but this one happened to be not that far from my house. And Elise, you had no excuse. I had no excuse. And Elise said she would come from across town. So I was like, okay. And one of my friends was in town and came with me for the first portion of it. But yeah, I don't go to that many things and I sort of forgot about the whole influencer world, which is a very different world. It was fun. I mean, it was fun to check out milk makeup and they had some cool, they had a claw machine where you could get a little blush lip combo.
Elise (02:07):
Yes. The big product that my daughters are really into from milk is the cooling water jelly tint, which is kind of like that jy thing, which was exactly the product in the claw machine.
Doree (02:19):
So
Elise (02:20):
My daughter Issa was like, don't come home without a cooling water jelly tint. And thank goodness they were handing them out from that claw machine. That's so funny. And Rob actually succeeded. Yeah, Rob came along, Dory's friend came for part of it. We met a workout influencer.
Doree (02:39):
Yes, totally,
Elise (02:41):
Totally. She teaches at Barry's, so she told us the good days to go to Barry's and the days not to go to, I never want to do anything about my weak butt syndrome or my dead butt syndrome, so I'm like, okay, I can't go on Tuesdays. So we got good intel about Barry's bootcamp. But yeah, it was funny because the venue was amazing. It's in the milk photography studio. So milk started as a photo studio, so where you can rent gear and lights and all of those things, and a lot of fashion photography happens there
Doree (03:20):
And it is still like a working studio.
Elise (03:25):
And so they use that for the milk makeup event. So you can imagine the venue was really unique and awesome, and the food was great. I was very happy with the fries and Rob were chowing down on the hand rolls. They enjoyed those. Yeah, Rob was like, this is good party sushi. So that was good. But yeah, the crowd was a little cheesy. A little cheesy. And I don't know, I mean, I think I got there a little bit later. We saw Justin Thoreau, Dory's friend, wasn't sure whether it was Justin Thoreau, but it was definitely his new wife.
Doree (04:02):
My friend was like, that's Justin Thoreau. I was like, no. And then Elise was like, oh look, it's Justin Thoreau. And I was like, oh
Elise (04:12):
Yeah, you couldn't recognize him without his tank top, his signature sleeves off of his shirt.
Doree (04:19):
You know? What else? And I feel like this is the case with a lot of celebrities in real life. He was smaller than
Elise (04:25):
I, so small
Doree (04:26):
Than I was picturing both and just sort of like stature.
Elise (04:34):
Yeah, he seemed slight. He didn't
Doree (04:36):
Seem built. He seemed slight. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so yeah, that was very fun. But I want to hear about your trip to Zion. I wonder it. It looked amazing.
Elise (04:46):
It was incredible. And I took little video clips so that I could make a TikTok about it. I just haven't gotten around to doing it. It wasn't too hot. The most magical part was renting the E-bikes because the main drag that takes you straight through the middle of the park is close to cars from I think March through October. So the only way to really cut across Zion through the middle of it is if you're on a bicycle or if you're in the shuttle that takes visitors through. And gosh, the freedom and the beauty and the vastness of just seeing the park on bike was incredible. And they only let us rent to 12 and up. So Ava had her own bike. Rob and I both took one of the sisters. So I think Rob had Issa and I had Luna, and it was just so much fun and it gives you that real awe effect where you feel I am, but a speck of dust in time and everything is large and vast and everything's going to be okay and the rivers will keep running. And so I think we all need that. I think St. Brene Brown talks about this all the time that we need awe and wonder. And so I got to feel that and I'm back feeling recharged. Good. It'll last for 12 minutes, but for now,
Doree (06:09):
But for now,
Elise (06:10):
Feeling good, feeling good,
Doree (06:12):
Good, good. And your kids had fun.
Elise (06:15):
They had an incredible time and we did no device free vacation days because
Doree (06:22):
Nice.
Elise (06:25):
I wanted them to actually pay attention to what was happening, but that meant sometimes we had to drive into, because we were staying about 45 minutes away from the actual park entrance itself, and so I didn't have the devices to help distract the kids in the car ride. Oh yeah. Yeah. So that was a little hard for us as adults. Like, oh wait, the grownups are talking. Don't talk to us. The grownups are talking.
Doree (06:52):
Oh my God, that's
Elise (06:54):
So funny. Yeah, we can talk a little bit more about it on the Monday episode too. But yeah, it was a good time. Thank you to the listener who suggested so many of the places that we went. Yeah, that's very cool.
Doree (07:04):
So Elise, remember someone asked us about how to clean a tutu.
Elise (07:10):
Yes. I had a mom friend ask about this and had put out That's right. Yes. And we put it out to the forever 35 family.
Doree (07:18):
Yes. So we got a response.
Elise (07:20):
Oh, thank God. I think my answer and your answer was like, why would you ever clean it? How many times do you wear it? Do you need to clean it?
Doree (07:30):
And this person is an expert, which is why I love our listeners because they're experts in fields like tutu cleaning that we are not. So this person wrote, hi there, my name is Liz and I direct a nonprofit dance organization in Maryland. This is my first time texting in, and I can answer your tutu question to properly clean a tutu, create a vodka and water solution in a spray bottle. You want the solution to be more water than vodka? Turn the tutu inside out, hang it upside down, and spray the solution all over the tutu to eliminate odor and bacteria. Let it dry thoroughly before storing. Thanks for the show. It's the highlight of my
Elise (08:13):
Week. I had no idea this is how you're supposed to clean a tutu.
Doree (08:18):
I mean, me neither. This is why our listeners are so amazing.
Elise (08:24):
Know how to, I'm excited to create and lucky for my daughters. I have some vodka around. I've got my Tito's vodka from Austin, Texas, which is my go-to. Yeah, there you go. I mean, I hate to waste it on this spray solution, but if I must,
Doree (08:43):
If you must, you must. And it is supposed to be more water than vodka.
Elise (08:49):
Okay.
Doree (08:50):
So it doesn't have to be a full bottle of vodka. Thank you so much, Liz. And then we also got, this is like everyone is answering your questions here about things that you need solutions for. Someone else wrote in to say, Elise brought up having her charging cords stolen by her daughters in a recent episode. And I wanted to share the system that I started using when I was at Mizzou with roommates and still use now living with a partner
(09:23):
Instead of having personal charging cords, chargers belong to a location. For example, when I lived with two roommates, we had a designated kitchen counter charger, a charger that belonged to the outlet next to the couch, and we each had a charger that was for our room as well. Now with my boyfriend, we have a by the couch charger, a desk charger, and we each have a charger that lives next to our side of the bed. It can take a bit of trial and error to figure out where chargers are actually the most beneficial to the most people. And obviously sometimes you still have to move a charger for some reason, but it helps cut down on charger theft and being suddenly caught powerless with no charger. Hope it helps. Liz. Oh, another Liz. That's so
Elise (10:03):
Funny. Two Liz. Yeah. And Liz, I just want to say MIZ to Liz. I'm a fellow Mizzou grad. Probably weren't there at the same time, but this is an excellent solution.
Doree (10:15):
I love this solution.
Elise (10:18):
What a
Doree (10:18):
Great idea. Can really
Elise (10:18):
Teach you this right away. It's a great one. I'm going to start the kitchen one now. I'm just going to say the one that's plugged in here doesn't leave here. Lives here. Yeah, this is where it lives. The kitchen charger, I might label it. I've got that little label maker. Oh,
Doree (10:35):
That's a good idea, right? This is the kitchen charger. Don't move it. That's right.
Elise (10:43):
That'll be on the label as well.
Doree (10:45):
Yes. This means you do not
Elise (10:47):
Remove,
Doree (10:48):
Right? Yeah. Alright, well Elise, before we take a break, I just want to remind everyone they can call or text us at (781) 591-0390 and email us at Forever 35 podcast@gmail.com. We also have our website forever 35 podcast.com. We have links there to everything we mentioned on the show. Our Instagram is Forever 35 podcast. Our newsletter is at forever 35 podcast.com/newsletter. And our favorite products are at shop my us slash forever 35. And after the break we have some work related questions.
Elise (11:26):
That's for you, Dorie. I feel like you're the expert. We'll be right back.
Doree (11:38):
All we are back. And as promised we have some work related questions. Elise, do you want to take this first one?
Elise (11:45):
Okay, here it's Hi, Elise and Dory, longtime fan writing in for some advice. The company I've worked at for the last five years recently decided to relocate my position to a place I have no desire to live in. As a result, my options are now one, find another position at the company or two leave and take a generous severance of six months starting in January. As far as layoffs go, this one is pretty kind. While I love the company, they have a small list of cities we're allowed to live in and I don't love my current location. I'm preparing to become a mom in the next couple of years and I'd love to move back to Southern California to be closer to friends and family there. Plus the thought of taking a month off after 16 years of working nonstop feels tempting. If I find another job at my current company, which is very doable, I'd be stuck here for those early child rearing years, but make a lot of money doing so, albeit with limited community. I'm single, so that feels daunting. Or I could use this as an opportunity to move back home, but face a frightening job market where I could be unemployed for up to a year, which is what I keep hearing from people. It's a real clash of my values, which are security and relationships. So I'm curious, what would you do? Find another job internally or take the severance? Would love to hear your thoughts. Love the show.
Doree (13:04):
What do you think, Elise? I'm very curious to hear your thoughts.
Elise (13:08):
This is such a tough one given the context of the uncertain moment and uncertain economy that we're living in right now.
(13:16):
Because I've been reading, partly because this summer has been so such a roller coaster. I've been reading about the job market and how we don't really know what the labor market's going to look like even by fall. So in this clash of values, which is security versus relationships because it's 2025, I'd probably take security over relationships even though that's probably not my natural inclination. It's the year itself and the economy that we're in. That makes me feel uncertain. I don't know. I mean that's such a binary choice. This is so nuanced, which is to say I'm not trying to devalue or dismiss the importance of family and how my craving, we've talked about this in previous episodes. I have craved having family nearby in those early child rearing years, which I haven't had and you haven't had either. And I often think that's such a missing ingredient or has been a missing ingredient in an otherwise very fulfilling life. So the other complicating factor in this scenario is the severance. That's a pretty good severance and you can do a lot with that time. So yeah, I mean, my quick answer is I'd probably find another position at the company and stay in a less desirable town. But because of the severance is tempting. If you want to move back to Southern California, where are you on this story?
Doree (14:57):
Okay, I mostly agree with you. What I will say is that you say I'm preparing to become a mom in the next couple of years. If you said to me I'm pregnant or I want to get pregnant in the next six months or something like that, I think I would probably lean towards take the severance and move to Southern California. But because you say you're preparing to become a mom in the next couple of years, this is sort of a more distant timeline. And as I know with fertility stuff, stuff doesn't always happen on the timeline that you want it to. I'm also leaning towards taking the job security over the relationships now because you're not pregnant yet,
(15:49):
You're kind of preparing for this life that isn't your reality right now. And I think what I would do in your position is I would try to find another position at the company if that's even an option. You say it is, but it might not be. So try to do that. If you get a job and you start preparing to become pregnant, then I would start looking while you have a job for a job in Southern California, I would buy yourself some time and try to get that other job. Or at least save up enough money while you're working that you can get pregnant and move and have a cushion. Because I feel like it's like, it's tempting I think to just take the severance and go, but it's like you're being forced to do something on a timeline that maybe wasn't exactly what you were envisioning.
(16:50):
So yeah, I mean, I will also say I've been writing this column for slate, this workplace advice column for slate and this tactic by companies is becoming very common where they're telling people, oh, you got to relocate if you want to keep your job. And what ends up happening is people relocate and then they lose their job anyway. So I would hate to see you relocate for this job because I do think it is a way for the company to be doing layoffs without actually doing layoffs. So I would be really careful there. So if you can find a different job at your same company and you can either stay where you are or relocate somewhere that you want to live, that you would keep living in, maybe that's southern California, then great. But I would not relocate to some other place that you don't want to live in for this company or for this job because that feels very risky to me. So I hope that helps. But yeah, I mean these are like, it's a tough one. Thorny tough questions.
Elise (18:05):
There's no right answer. Yeah, it depends on so many factors.
Doree (18:09):
Yeah.
Elise (18:09):
Alright, Dorrie, I have another long one for you.
Doree (18:11):
Okay, great.
Elise (18:12):
Dear Dorry and Elise, I'm hoping I can draw from both your expertise regarding workplace and friendship, given an issue I'm having that intersects between these two categories. To start, my issue is my coworker slash friends behavior has become increasingly distracting at work, making it more difficult to get my job done and I don't know how to distance myself. For context, I have known this person for a few years. We worked together at a previous job briefly and hung out a few times outside of work as friends. I wouldn't consider her a close friend by any means. And the friendship was mostly initiated on her end. I moved on to another job and about a year later she ended up also leaving the previous job and taking the same position I held. And now we shared a small office together. To be clear, I did not know we would end up working together, nor did she.
(18:57):
At first, things seemed copacetic. We chatted a lot about our personal lives. I helped her learn the ropes. It was nice to have someone with whom I shared some history at the new job. She was always very chatty about everything, mostly not work-related, which was fine when we weren't busy, but our workload steadily increased in the past six months as the workload increased. Her pleasant chattiness, which was at worst annoying and distracting, started becoming more negative, gossipy, and then progressed to straight up constant angry venting. I empathized with her offered support where I could encouraged her to ask for help and go to management, but that only did so much. I turned a corner on how I felt towards her as a friend and a coworker when on a few occasions when we were particularly overwhelmed at work, she lashed out and was blatantly rude to several of our support staff.
(19:44):
This behavior was addressed with the parties involved and she met with our manager. I don't feel she has taken any accountability for her behavior and she continues to play the victim and wants to vent to me about it. I don't want to be this person's friend or office mate. I have tried just ignoring her and I've tried to say gently, I don't want to hear about the interpersonal issues she's having. I have not talked to my manager directly about this yet. I like my job, although it's not perfect, but she is making it to the point where I don't want to go to work. How do I approach this? Also, I think a themed month on careers would be awesome. Thank you guys for all the wonderful content in Parasocial friendship. I took that one to read because I want you to answer it. Tori,
Doree (20:27):
This stinks. I'm so sorry. It is complicated by the fact that you share a small office with this person. So my typical advice to Gray Rock them is tougher because you share an office. I think that now is the time that you go to your manager.
(20:48):
I think this is when you involve your manager. I think this is an issue that you have tried to deal with on your own. This person has not changed their behavior. The behavior towards the support staff was addressed, but your own interpersonal issues were not addressed. And I think you need to tell your manager, you want to move to a different office and then you can really just gray rock this person and you only engage with them when you need to engage with them on office related things, on work related things. And you just don't engage with them on anything else. This person sounds like they need help beyond the parameters of workplace management. It sounds like they have some deeper stuff going on, but I would bring this to your manager. This feels like it's above your pay grade to try to work this out on your own because you've already tried and it hasn't really worked.
Elise (21:51):
Yeah.
Doree (21:51):
So that's my advice.
Elise (21:54):
It's good
Doree (21:55):
Advice. Anything else?
Elise (21:56):
Thank you. No, I think she has already tried to deal with it. Yeah. Head on. So I'm always wary of leapfrogging the direct conversation with your colleague, which she didn't. She already had a conversation or a series of them where she was like, this isn't cool.
Doree (22:12):
Yeah. All right. We are going to take another break and when we come back we have a couple more responses to some recent episodes.
Elise (22:20):
Great. We'll be right back.
Doree (22:29):
Okay. If you remember recently, Elise, we had another very thorny question from a listener whose younger relative was in a pretty controlling relationship.
Elise (22:43):
It seemed emotionally abusive at best.
Doree (22:45):
It seemed emotionally abusive. And this listener was wondering how to address it with the relative who seemed like she might be open to kind of hearing some feedback. And our advice was to sort of tread lightly, but let her know that you're there for her.
Elise (23:05):
So
Doree (23:05):
This listener wrote in to say hi. I was just listening to episode four 50, and I think one thing that could help the young girl who is in a controlling and unhealthy relationship is talking about what helped you as in the listener who wrote in know when you were with the right person, what things made you feel like, oh, this person is the one, and how did that person treat you, et cetera. Not so much telling her the way her boyfriend is treating her is bad, but showing her through your relationship what she should be expecting.
Elise (23:34):
That's such good advice. Yeah. Modeling and just showing instead of telling is always so solid. And then people are watching all the time, especially young people. And I think that because we're such verbal people and we get into hyperverbal situations, but just showing is really important. So that's great.
Doree (23:56):
And I don't know if this listener was in a relationship, but I think if they have ever been in a healthy relationship, they can kind of point to that. I don't think you need to currently be in a relationship to offer this. Alright. And Elise, I think this was something that you brought up as well on the topic of lab results with no context.
Elise (24:19):
Yeah. I was like, what does this
Doree (24:20):
Mean? I don't know. So this listener says, I went to my OB GYN to start looking into more aggressive fertility options. She did some blood work and I got the results back upon somewhat informed Googling, my husband is a doctor though, not an ob. I learned the results were either because of a brain tumor or pregnancy. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Thankfully took a pregnancy test and it was positive. My kid is almost five and my OB still hasn't reached out to me to tell me I was pregnant.
Elise (24:52):
Oh my God. On the flip side, your OB still hasn't reached out to you to tell you you have a brain tumor. So that is also, you could, this is true. Look at the glass half
Doree (25:02):
Full option. Totally, totally.
Elise (25:06):
Oh my god, that's funny. That's a story.
Doree (25:09):
And then our last text is a listener recommended UV clothing from Block uv and that's BLOQ uv.com. And yeah, their stuff seems mostly workout, but that's how
Elise (25:31):
We bop around a lot. Anyway,
Doree (25:33):
That is how we bop around a lot. That is very true.
Elise (25:37):
Yeah.
Doree (25:38):
There's also this tennis coach I follow named Jane Foreman, and she always has a code for block uv. So if you follow, because everything she posts, it's like, use this, I forget what the code is, but it's like use this code for 20% off. So if you go to her Instagram, which I think is just team foreman, you should be able to find her code. Oh my gosh. But they also have a bark UV section and they have a sun shirt for dogs.
Elise (26:14):
We know how adorable Oscar looked in his Kirkland brand hoodie.
Doree (26:18):
Keep your furry friends safe and stylish with our dog. Sun shirt. Does there a thick coat of hair? Not keep them safe? Well harmful UV rays during outdoor adventures, keeping your dog's coat cool all day long. And then it also says it's perfect for use after surgery to protect sensitive areas. So I could see that. But we've
Elise (26:39):
Been there. Yeah,
Doree (26:40):
Yeah, exactly. And they also have kids' clothes, which are kind of cute. Alright, great. Block UV. Noted. Noted, noted. Thanks listeners. Yeah, thank you. All right, well that brings us to the end of the show. Thanks everyone for listening and we will talk to you soon. Talk to you soon. Bye.