Mini-Ep 450: What Is Midsommar, Anyway?
Doree and Elise hear from listeners about recs for kids and money, how to support a family member in a bad relationship, and more (non-frumpy) sun protection recs.
Mentioned in this Episode
To leave a voicemail or text for a future episode, reach them at 781-591-0390. You can also email the podcast at forever35podcast@gmail.com.
Visit forever35podcast.com for links to everything they mention on the show or shopmyshelf.us/forever35.
Follow the podcast on Instagram (@Forever35Podcast) and join the Forever35 Patreon.
Sign up for the newsletter! At forever35podcast.com/newsletter.
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links.
Transcript
This episode transcript is AI generated.
Doree (00:10):
Hello and welcome to Forever 35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Doree Shafrir.
Elise (00:17):
And I'm Elise Hu. And we're just two friends who like to talk a lot about serums
Doree (00:21):
And this is a mini episode where we hear from you. We share your comments and your thoughts and we answer your questions to the best of our ability. But please remember, we are podcast hosts. We are not experts. We always encourage you to seek support first and foremost from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Elise (00:41):
Can you believe we have passed mid-summer? Mid summer
Doree (00:46):
Wait, summer just started,
Elise (00:48):
But we are past the summer solstice or I guess that isn't,
Doree (00:53):
That's the beginning of summer. Isn't that the beginning of summer?
Elise (00:58):
I thought, well, yes, but isn't it called midsummer? I'm so confused. I have idea was like it's
Doree (01:03):
Midsummer. Lemme look this up. Oh, maybe that means the beginning of summer, not the middle of summer,
Elise (01:08):
Mid summer.
Doree (01:10):
I have no idea. I didn't see that. It's the name
Elise (01:11):
Of that film. Yes, it's the of that film. It's the name of the foreign Florence Pugh film. But what does it actually mean? Date? Tuesday, June 24th. Yeah, it was yesterday. The name Midsummer is attest in old English as mids more and refers to the time around the summer solstice. Okay. Alright, well there you go.
Doree (01:35):
Learn a new thing every day.
Elise (01:36):
I can't believe we've passed it, but it's not technically the middle of the summer season.
Doree (01:43):
Yes, that's what I was confused by.
Elise (01:46):
Yes. So we now have offered up a little cocktail chatter for you. We have past midsummer, but Midsummer is not the middle of summer. This is like the old Linda Richmond on Saturday Night Live. When do you remember Mike Myers playing Linda Richmond on Saturday Night Live? And it was always like a thigh master is neither a thigh nor a master discuss.
Doree (02:11):
So
Elise (02:11):
Good. It's
Doree (02:11):
True. Oh my God.
Elise (02:14):
Midsummer is not the middle of summer. Discuss.
Doree (02:17):
No, it is not.
Elise (02:22):
How are you doing? How are you doing?
Doree (02:24):
I'm okay. Other news. How are you? Yeah, how are you?
Elise (02:27):
I'm good. I am really like, I'm feeling so much immense gratitude that we're on the West Coast and I'm no longer on the East Coast where there were just bad smells everywhere because everybody was sweating constantly.
Doree (02:42):
Oh God.
Elise (02:43):
And then the sewers smell, it just smelled. You lived in New York, so you remember what New York was like in the summer and DC was, they don't call DC a swamp for nothing. It was just very mosquito ridden and very, very, so I'm glad to be home and we are getting ready for our big national parks trip.
Doree (03:07):
Yes.
Elise (03:08):
Couldn't come a moment sooner because apparently the budget cuts are proposing like 25% cuts to the maintenance of national parks. So I'm like, great, I'm getting it in under the wire.
Doree (03:19):
Oh dear. Yikes.
Elise (03:22):
I know you learn something new every day. I'm full of fun facts. And then I was thinking, I've been trying to log my micro joys since we've put a call out to listeners to think about their micro joys and call in with them. I was staying at my friend Kristen's house in DC so thank you to Kristen for this amazing arrangement in which I get to stay at her house, which she just leaves empty because she lives elsewhere and her house smelled so good. There was this faint scent in there. And so I went and found the diffuser that she used and so let me see. Let me find, I wrote it down. I was like, I'm going to borrow this or I'm going to buy one of these. It's called Nest fragrances and the scent was white peony and Honeysuckle
Doree (04:14):
Nest is nice. It
Elise (04:14):
Wasn't overpowering. Yeah, yeah. Well, I wasn't even familiar with it until I stayed at her house.
Doree (04:21):
I've had some nest diffusers and they are lovely. And I'm going to just say it. I think Peony is having a moment. What? With the Trader Joe's candle.
Elise (04:33):
I was burning that this morning. Smells delicious. So Nest smells great. Or this particular fragrance from Nest smells great. I need to find out the cost. Is nest expensive? Are they like Dipti? It's not,
Doree (04:46):
Yeah, I mean it's not like the most expensive, but it's like you would buy it at Nordstrom, not target. You know what I mean?
Elise (04:56):
Well maybe there's a dupe.
Doree (05:00):
I'm sure. I'm sure there's a dupe.
Elise (05:03):
If I go shopping and find that it's whoa. Then maybe there's a dupe.
Doree (05:07):
Elise, we got an email with some solidarity for you.
Elise (05:12):
What could this be about?
Doree (05:13):
This person wrote solidarity. Elise, the same thing happened to me with my cat bringing a live bird inside through the doggy door. Luckily it was during the day it flew about our 13 foot ceiling living room and we just opened every door in the house and closed the curtains waiting for it to exit. It did eventually, thankfully we had the doggy door permanently removed. Good thing too. Just this week she brought us a live snake. What? I am so, so thankful. I was able to yell at her through my closed glass door until she let the snake go outside. I would've died if she brought that into my mess of a living room and I had to find it.
Elise (05:54):
So this is a possibility. I have that possibility in store for me apparently. I'm really trying to keep Abe locked in.
Doree (06:03):
Yeah. Once your cat decides to start bringing you gifts, I guess all bets are off.
Elise (06:12):
I'm shuttering. I'm shuttering.
Doree (06:14):
Bo has never brought me a gift.
Elise (06:17):
Yeah. I don't know if it's a dog thing. I know that cats like to do it, but it makes sense for animals to have an offering.
Doree (06:26):
When we first got Bo, he was being fostered and his foster mom told us that he would kill rats in the yard. He was a rat catcher.
Elise (06:38):
What a talent.
Doree (06:39):
What a talent. I know he just looked at me like what? Now maybe we don't have rats because he has not brought me any rats. But he does. He does have the hunting gene. If he sees a squirrel, he is like,
Elise (06:59):
So we know he has the capacity he can do it, but thankfully he hasn't.
Doree (07:05):
Oh, Matt just, Matt heard me say that and just reminded me that, oh my god, when Henry was really little, we had this outdoor big outdoor playpen for him and we kept, and it just sort of lived in the front yard. And I forgot that Bo had once trapped a skunk in the outdoor playpen. What? Oh my God. He smelled so bad.
Elise (07:34):
Oh, did they spray? Oh, so the skunk did spray y'all. Oh my
Doree (07:38):
Gosh. Well it didn't spray us, but sprayed Bo and we had to get him a special skunk bath and the whole thing. It was terrible. I
Elise (07:48):
Cannot Oh,
Doree (07:50):
I
Elise (07:50):
Know. Oh, what an adventure.
Doree (07:52):
What an adventure nature. Anyway, everyone's having encounters with wildlife. These
Elise (08:01):
Pets are, I was going to say, these pets are really answering the call of the wild.
Doree (08:06):
Seriously. My God. Alright, well Elise, we should take a break. Before we do that, I just want to remind everyone for these mini episodes, we love getting your calls and your texts. Please call or text us at (781) 591-0390. Email us at February 35 podcast@gmail.com. Our website is forever 35 podcast.com. We have links there to everything we mentioned on the show. Follow us on Instagram at Forever 35 podcast. Our newsletter is at forever 35 podcast.com/newsletter. And our favorite products, including now, hair Oil, is at shop my.us/forever 35. And we're going to take a short break and when we come back we have some recommendations on talking to your kids about money, which came up in our episode with Amanda k Clayman. Great. So we'll be right back. All right, we are back and we are going to kick things off with a voicemail.
Listener Voicemail (09:10):
Hey Dorian Elise, hope all is well. I was just listening to the episode with Amanda Klein and heard one of the listeners call in asking about books or blogs for dealing with kids allowances and just wanted to give a quick plug for a podcast for children and families called Million Bazillion. My daughter is 11, she's about to start middle school and she loves it and she's a couple afternoons a week. She stays with my parents who watched the kids, and so they listened to it with her. And my dad, who worked on Wall Street for many years in marketing has listened to it and even he's commented to be like, wow, this is a really great podcast. It's very informative, very kid appropriate. So just wanted to give a plug for that. And also really quickly, if I don't get cut off, very curious about the stuffy purge that Elise mentioned at the end of the podcast. Where do you take all the stuffies? We are perpetually purging stuffies, but I find that there aren't a lot of places that cake used stuffed animals. So if anyone has any suggestions for ways to purge stuffies that avoid a landfill, would love to hear that as well. Alright. Happy Summer
Elise (10:38):
Million. Bazillion is the podcast, is that right? Million Bazillion? It sounds really good.
Doree (10:44):
It is called Million Bazillion.
Elise (10:46):
Yes. Okay. I have not heard of it before, so thank you for the suggestion. I need it for my kids. As you know, Issa's very into Shark Tank and boards of directors and things. She's into corporate world, so maybe she'll get into this podcast and finances.
Doree (11:01):
Yeah. So what's so funny is we got a text that said hello for the listener asking about teaching their kids about money during the Amanda Kla episode. The Million Bazillion podcast is great for this.
Elise (11:11):
Oh,
Doree (11:11):
My 11-year-old daughter has listened for years and has learned a lot about how money works in the world in a fun and straightforward way. Favorite episode I've listened in on explains how YouTube content creators make money. So we got this voicemail and we got this text and I was like, what the odds? An 11-year-old girl listening to this podcast, but it turned out these are two separate listeners.
Elise (11:32):
Wow.
Doree (11:34):
So it must be big in the 11-year-old girl community.
Elise (11:38):
Sounds like it. And I need to get Issa into this. It sounds perfect. And speaking of Issa in particular, one of our listeners called in during a previous mini app to remind all of us that fourth graders in the country get free access to national parks. They get that fourth grade pass and I mentioned to Issa like, oh, we need to print out your pass before we go to the national parks. And she's like, so you're using me just because I happen to be in fourth grade.
Doree (12:09):
Oh my God.
Elise (12:09):
And I'm like, well, yes. Oh, that's so funny. Yes. Oh, Issa. Yeah. Got to love her. Got a love her. Alright, this million bazillion podcast. And then the question about stuffy donation, there is a local group that we donate our pre love stuffed animals to so long as they're clean and in good condition. And it's called Be Beautiful Buddy. That's be like BE and then Y-O-U-T-I-F-U-L. Be Beautiful Buddy. Drives happen here locally and that's where we give them to because it sounds like Salvation Army and Goodwills do not take them. Alright, so moving on the next email. Hi Dory and Elise. My niece recently graduated from high school and has been in a year long relationship with her boyfriend who has been controlling and critical of her. He's made hurtful comments about her appearance called her selfish when she tried to get a job and shared unkind things his family has said about her.
(13:15):
Despite this, she's still with him and hasn't made any post high school decisions seeming to wait for him to make the call on their future. It feels like she's more in love with the idea of love than with him, but I'm worried that she lacks the confidence to see her worth and recognize she deserves better. She has accepted a summer sales position out of state to save for their future, which will give them some distance, but makes us fearful because they live in an area where it is common to get married young. This has everyone close to her on edge. Later this month I'll have the opportunity to spend time with her during a family vacation and she mentioned wanting to talk about her boyfriend. She has some recognition that it isn't a healthy relationship, but hasn't cut him off completely yet. I want to be there for her and offer advice, but I'm also cautious. I don't want to push her away or make her feel judged in a way that would drive her closer to him or prevent her from confiding in me in the future. Have you had any experience navigating this kind of situation? How can I approach the conversation in a way that encourages her to think critically about the relationship without alienating her? Thanks so much for any insight you can offer. Who, boy, have you had any situation like this with your family members or friends?
Doree (14:29):
No, I haven't. I think the best thing that you can do is listen and tell her that you are there for her and you'll support her. And I think that coming out too hard against this guy who sounds like a total nightmare is going to backfire. And when it does implode spectacularly because it will, she's going to need someone to turn to.
Elise (14:58):
That's absolutely right. This is really tender territory. I think the nuance and the connection that you share with your niece really matters here because if she is the victim of hyper controlling behavior, which is what this sounds like on its face, then her self-worth and her own voice has probably been eroded over time. And especially because she's just carving out her identity. She's very young, right? These are formative years. So that controlling relationship can often feel, especially if your self-worth has been eroded, like a kind of stability or comfort or love, which is tangled in there. And so the goal here isn't to get her out. That specific objective seems to be exactly what Dory is saying, could backfire. I think the goal is to really help her reconnect with her inner emotional engine, her soul, her voice, and really making sure that she feels trust in you as her aunt and as somebody that she can go to is vital.
Doree (16:05):
I think it's a really good sign that she wants to confide in you.
Elise (16:11):
Yeah. She's already noticing some yellow flags, if not red
Doree (16:15):
Flags.
Elise (16:16):
So your role is to help her trust what she's already feeling.
Doree (16:21):
Yes.
Elise (16:22):
Yeah. Navigating the actual talk is so difficult because you've got to validate her and her experience without attacking the boyfriend. Then you're setting yourself up as an oppositional person. But maybe just staying curious. I mean, the advice that comes up so often in any kind of therapy that I've ever done is always asking the other person to reflect, what do you like about the relationship? What feels good about the relationship? What are the things that don't feel so good? How do you feel about yourself when you're with him? If a good friend of yours was describing this kind of treatment to you, would you be okay with it? What would you want for her? And so that could help with just making sure that she has a lot of self-compassion. Yeah. Anyway, it's a very tender, it's a tough one, but just being there for her and making sure that you're a trusted adult for her, I think is so vital.
Doree (17:27):
Yeah, I think that's really good advice. All right. We are going to take another short break and we'll be back with a couple of Sun protection recommendations.
Elise (17:40):
Great. We'll be right back.
Doree (17:48):
Alright, we are back. And the first text we got is someone who said hi messaging from Vancouver Canada about sunscreen. I've been using this mineral sunscreen on my entire face for years. It doubles as primer, so helps my eye makeup set and stay put. Highly recommend. And it is the Tzo TIZO, facial primer tinted sunscreen, SPF 40. I have tried their products before. For me, it's been mixed why I think it was the consistency. So this feels like your mileage may vary, you know what I mean?
Elise (18:31):
Yep.
Doree (18:32):
Some people might love it. I can't give it my full throated endorsement because I remember not being super excited about it, but that's just me.
Elise (18:43):
It isn't cheap either.
Doree (18:45):
Well, this is Canadian.
Elise (18:47):
Oh, Canadian dollars. But yeah, Canadian dollars, that means it would cost just a little bit less. Right? Like 60 us.
Doree (18:54):
I see it on their website for 45, so maybe it's extra in Canada. I don't know. So yeah, definitely not cheap though. All right. And then another listener wrote in to say, free fly apparel has some nice UV clothing. My husband loves the hoodie long sleeve, and I do the regular long sleeve, lightweight and breathable and somewhat less frumpy than other brands.
Elise (19:22):
Yes, we are still looking for non frumpy Sun Protective
Doree (19:26):
Clothing. Yes, I was not familiar with this brand. I will say on the website, the models are younger than, oh, then the Cooley Bar site, which is funny to me, but I would say yeah, the stuff looks a little cooler. Maybe I'm just super picky. I dunno.
Elise (19:57):
All day Tank on the free fly site, it's a sporty cropped tank. You wouldn't even know it's special UV protective clothing. Yeah, it's cute. It's cute. It's a good color. It's a good green. Oh, I'm sorry. It's called Sea Pine. The women's All Day Tank in Sea Pine. Take a look. Folks. If you're looking for non frumpy UV clothing,
Doree (20:19):
I think not all of their clothes are uv.
Elise (20:23):
Oh wait, just fyi. Right. So maybe the cute stuff isn't the UV clothing.
Doree (20:31):
Yeah, I don't know. I clicked on Sun Protective, sun protection and I don't see a tank
Elise (20:38):
Rot row.
Doree (20:40):
But yeah, I mean, I think this stuff is fine. Some pants aren't bad.
Elise (20:47):
I have a question from a mama in my chat groups that I wanted to put out to the listenership, because I think some of you all have surely been dancers in the past or have dancers in your family. My mom friend asks, can anyone tell me the best way to clean a tutu? It's all
Doree (21:13):
Tool. Yes.
Elise (21:15):
I don't know the answer. We've warned the tutu's that we have. We've warned them for one performance and maybe warn rehearsal going to say, so my answer is, I've never cleaned it tutu. But if you are to reuse one over and over or you want to give it away, what would you do to clean it? So if there's any good tips for that,
Doree (21:37):
I think handwashing,
Elise (21:41):
Yeah, probably,
Doree (21:42):
I guess. Yeah, don't throw it in the washing machine for sure.
Elise (21:49):
Big mistake. Big
Doree (21:50):
Mistake. Big mistake.
Elise (21:51):
So just a heads up a little programming note for next Monday, we are going to be on vacation because as I mentioned, I am going to be in Zion on the family trip that was inspired by one of our listeners. And while we're on vacation, we're really excited because we're going to drop in our feed the latest episode of our friend Sam Sanders podcast, vibe check that he co-hosts with his friends Saeed Jones and Zach Stafford. And each week they tackle what's going on in their lives, just like Dorry and I do at the start of these episodes and also tackle what's going on in the wider world. So we're really excited about that. That's coming up on Monday. So you'll hear us at the top of the show, but then an episode of Vibe Check and we Forever 35 hosts will be in the vibe check feeds too. So if you listen to both shows, you're going to get to hear this kind of crossover sensation. So that's coming up on Monday. And then we'll be back in your feeds for regular mini app next Wednesday.
Doree (22:55):
Alright, talk to you soon.
Elise (22:57):
Until next time.