Episode 360: Build A Life You Love with Alicia Menendez
Alicia Menendez, co-host of MSNBC’s “The Weeknight,” joins Doree and Elise to gab about how she centers herself during insane news cycles, what she loves about podcasting that’s so different from her “day” job, and the story behind producing her Broadway show, Real Women Have Curves: The Musical. Also — a plug for walking with weighted vests and Alicia’s fear that high-waisted jeans will stop being cool again.
Before Alicia joins them, Doree and Elise chat about Doree’s hot date with Matt and Elise sends her love to everyone affected by the Central Texas flood disaster.
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Transcript
The transcript for this episode is Ai generated.
Doree Shafrir (00:10):
Hello and welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Doree Shafrir.
Elise Hu (00:16):
And I'm Elise Hu. And we are two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.
Doree Shafrir (00:21):
I mentioned this to Elise before we started recording, but Matt and I went on a really, really hot date today. This
Elise Hu (00:30):
Morning, in fact.
Doree Shafrir (00:32):
Yeah,
Elise Hu (00:33):
Like a breakfast date, like a brunch situation. I
Doree Shafrir (00:37):
Mean, not exactly. It was to the DMV.
Elise Hu (00:43):
Oh. Because when I want to get hot and bothered, I go line up at the DMV.
Doree Shafrir (00:51):
When you want to spend some real quality time with your spouse, may I suggest the DMV? So here's what happened. Matt and I never got our real IDs.
Elise Hu (01:07):
Oh yeah, okay.
Doree Shafrir (01:09):
I have a valid passport. Matt's has expired and he now can't find it, which is a problem that we have sort of kicked down the road, but I was like,
Elise Hu (01:21):
Okay,
Doree Shafrir (01:22):
Let's just get our real IDs. We're traveling at the end of the month,
(01:26)
And so with no valid passport and no real ID, I guess people have been saying you can get on a plane with extra screening, but I was just like, let's just try to get our real IDs, but there's no appointments you have to jump on. You have to get on the DMV website and hope that you happen to have logged on at the exact moment that they've released some appointments. So six weeks ago, two months ago, something like that, I found these two random appointments on a Wednesday in July at the DMV amazing, near USC,
Elise Hu (02:11):
So I just wasn't made. Oh, it wasn't even really near your house, it was kind farther. No,
Doree Shafrir (02:14):
Not at all. It was very far. But it actually turns out that was the DMV that I originally got my California driver's license at. So it was a real full circle moment
(02:25)
And I was like, okay, we're getting our real IDs. It's happening, it's happening. And I was playing tennis last night before I left. I was like, Matt, fill out the paper. You can upload your documents ahead of time, get everything in order. I was like, make sure you do that. And I came home and he had done it and I was like, okay, because Matt has a DH adhd, so the executive functioning is not always the best. And then when we got there, there were two lines. One for people with appointments, one for people without appointments. We're waiting in the line and the people who are at the windows, they seem to be taking a very long time. I'm just like, what could they possibly be doing? I mean, we're talking, I saw two women up there for at least 15 minutes,
(03:26)
So I'm just like, okay. And then they call, we get to the front and we go up there. She looks us up and we had our documents with us. We give her the documents. She's like, okay, here's your number, and we just go and sit down. And I was like, wow, that was it. I mean, we had several more steps to complete. Yeah, you to wait to get that was initial. Yes. And Matt said, yeah, all those people were like me, but they didn't have you to help them. Oh, how romantic. It was very romantic. See, it's a reminder.
Elise Hu (04:01):
Yeah, it's
Doree Shafrir (04:03):
A reminder
Elise Hu (04:04):
Of how we can't do things alone and it's so helpful to have the support of our partner.
Doree Shafrir (04:08):
He did admit that he probably would've just showed up with none of the necessary documentation, but then joke was almost on me because my number was called. I went up to the person, she's checking all my stuff, and then she's like, okay, I just need your driver's license. And I open my wallet and I'm like, oh my God, my driver's license is not in my wallet because I'd taken it out to fill out all this advanced paperwork.
Elise Hu (04:38):
Oh my gosh.
Doree Shafrir (04:40):
I was like, what about a photo? Because I remember I have photos of my license on my phone, and she's like, yeah, that's fine. I was, oh my God, thank God she just needed the number. I don't know. But I was like, I will die if after all this, after I make this big stink about Matt filling out the paperwork and all this stuff and bringing the right stuff and that I don't have my license. I was like, no, but it was all good. She accepted the photo, they took my picture. I'll have my new ID in two to three weeks. Great,
Elise Hu (05:18):
And you'll be safe to fly. Christie Nome, Homeland Security secretary, Christie no's image, her video is playing all over the place at airports right now with her big filler lips reminding everybody to get their real id. And I'm like, okay, Christie gnome. But anyway, you'll now have satisfied the Christie Gnome reminder.
Doree Shafrir (05:38):
Exactly. Well, what I thought was also so funny about the DMV, and I don't know if it's like this at other DMVs, but they have the monitors where you can see your number being called, but then next to the list of numbers are constantly playing. There's no sound, but there's ads and they're all for personal injury. Oh my gosh. Is it called Jacob Sweet James? I think one was Laws Angeles. You know that one? Okay. I think so.
Elise Hu (06:15):
I'm just naming all the billboard lawyers of Los Angeles right now. Well, I'm so glad that you got that done, and it does sound very sweet. What a sweet outing for the two of you and Child-Free Henry was at camp, I assume.
Doree Shafrir (06:30):
And you know what? We were in an out hour, which I feel like for the DMV is not terrible. It also was like if you ever go to Disneyland and you are going to get on a ride and you see some people lined up and you're like, oh, that doesn't look so bad. And you get in the line and then as you get closer you realize that there's another, there's more line 10 more switchbacks and you're like, no. So it was kind of like that because my number got called and I had to go to a different, my desk was upstairs, and so I walked, walked through the whole floor, and I came across this whole other room of dozens of people waiting and I was like, oh, I had been looking at the non appointment line being like, that doesn't seem so bad.
Elise Hu (07:19):
And
Doree Shafrir (07:19):
Then I was like, oh, this is where they've stuck everyone.
Elise Hu (07:24):
It sounds like it moved quickly though.
Doree Shafrir (07:25):
It was not bad. I really, I had cleared the whole morning because I was like, who knows how long this is going to take? Well, good. I'm glad that there's a
Elise Hu (07:33):
Story of victory for today's show to Open Today show. Oh my gosh, yes. And we have an amazing guest today that we can introduce more formally later. But coming up today we have Alicia Menendez, who is an old friend of mine, and also she just got promoted on M-S-N-B-C, so you probably have seen her on primetime on M-S-N-B-C lately. But just before we go to Alicia, I just wanted to send both of our love to Texas, the Hill country in particular, the flooding there was just so jaw dropping and it's been so tragic to see the images coming out of Texas. My home state, I call Texas home and grew up in Dallas and I lived in Waco and lived in Austin and my goddaughters go to Camp Mystic, they had just been picked up the week before the camp that was so devastated by the flooding. Our hearts are heavy and part of my heart will always be in Texas. And so sending a lot of love to our listeners there just absolutely devastating. Dorie texted me that day, I guess on July 4th, I had just gotten back from the parade. The Westchester, the neighborhood parade that I talked about on the casual chat door was like, oh my God, have you seen what happened with this camp in Texas? There's all these missing girls from a camp. And I was like, not Camp Mystic. And and that door was like scam mystic because Ava was waitlisted for it. And yeah, I mean, it's wild. So a lot of complicated feelings.
Doree Shafrir (09:06):
My sister texted me and I had been just sort of like, we had been at the beach and I hadn't been line, you know what I mean? I hadn't been looking at the news.
Elise Hu (09:16):
Me neither. Me neither. So you were the first one to notify me. There were chills all over my body instantly. And then I saw on the Today Show that Jenna Bush, one of the twins talked about it. Her mom was a counselor at Camp Mystic. So many generations of Texas women have come through that, and so really, really hard. Anyway, again, our hearts go out to Texas and there are many ways to help. So you can find those online and various sources we can link to out to some of the lists of how to help, if you should feel compelled.
Doree Shafrir (09:55):
Yeah. Alright, well, Elise, do you want to introduce our guest?
Elise Hu (10:02):
Yeah, yeah. This was an awesome conversation. It was with El Alicia Menendez. She's a journalist, multimedia storyteller. She's named Broadcast Journalism's, new Gladiator by El Magazine, Ms. Millennial by the Washington Post, and a content queen by Marie Claire. She's quickly become a force in American media. She's also just a very warm and generous human being. She's currently the co-host of MSNBC's the Weeknight, which starts at 7:00 PM Eastern Monday through Friday. She's also the author of the book, the Likability Trap, how to Break Free and Succeed As You Are. She's a native of Union City, New Jersey. She's a graduate of Harvard College and currently lives in New York after a long stint in Miami with her husband and kids.
Doree Shafrir (10:53):
Before we take a break and get to our chat with Alicia, just want to remind everyone that our website is Forever35podcast.com. We have links there to everything we mention on the show. We are on Instagram at Forever35podcast. You can join our patreon at patreon.com/forever three five. Our favorite products are at Shop my us slash forever three five. Our newsletter is at Forever35podcast.com/newsletter. And maybe most important of all, please call or text us at five nine one zero three nine zero. We love getting your texts, your voicemails. Our email is February 35 podcast@gmail.com, and those are what keep the mini episodes going. So if you have questions, comments, concerns, need advice, have recommendations, text us, call us, email us. We want to hear from you. Alright, now we'll take a break and we'll back with Alicia.
Elise Hu (11:55):
We'll
Doree Shafrir (11:55):
Be right
Elise Hu (11:55):
Back. Alicia, we are so delighted to have you on the show. Thanks for joining us,
Alicia Menendez (12:07):
Elise. My favorite. Thanks for having me, Dory. I'm so happy to be here.
Elise Hu (12:11):
Yay. We kick off all of our interviews with self-care practices and so what are you doing lately that you would consider self-care? And obviously we mean this broadly, it doesn't have to be some sort of consumerist thing.
Alicia Menendez (12:25):
I'm a big believer in sleep, so I am really dedicated to getting at least seven hours of sleep. And I also try to get 10,000 steps a day, which is partly because I'm a lady over 40 and partly because I actually find it just really helps calm my mind to be out there walking, talking to a friend, listening to a podcast. It's my time each day.
Elise Hu (12:49):
How do you squeeze that in
Alicia Menendez (12:51):
First thing in the morning? That's the only way it actually works because if I don't take the time for myself first thing in the morning, then the day gets the better of me.
Doree Shafrir (13:01):
And first thing, what does that mean? What time are we talking here?
Alicia Menendez (13:06):
I put my kids on the bus and then I try to be out the door with my stupid weighted vest at like eight 30 in the morning
Doree Shafrir (13:13):
Up
Alicia Menendez (13:13):
My sun's screen and my weighted vest. Hold up, let's talk weighted
Doree Shafrir (13:16):
Close me down.
Alicia Menendez (13:17):
Hold on, hold on. Instagram influenced how weighted
Doree Shafrir (13:24):
Is the weighted vest
Alicia Menendez (13:27):
You are supposed to go with 10% of your body weight was the recommendation from, I don't know, Cheryl in Kansas who I decided was a fitness expert. But that's about what I do and I think it feels right to me though. I let my mother borrow it who was like, this is heavy. So to eat her own
Elise Hu (13:49):
And you feel like you're getting some strength training out of it?
Alicia Menendez (13:52):
Oh yeah, because one of those people, I think you and I are about the same height lease. I've been this height since third grade, and so I've been slouching since third grade. And it really forces you to actually stand up straight, utilize your core, think about your body. I have found it's been really good for bodily awareness. So sometimes my husband will see me wearing it around the house and he is like, it's too much. Just we're taking efficiency to a weird place.
Elise Hu (14:17):
It's so funny you mention this because I have walked around with an apologetic slouch for all my life. I'm five nine and I saw that Taylor Swift as she was preparing for the ERAS tour, wore some sort of special bra, I think it's called the
Doree Shafrir (14:32):
Form form bra. It's like $150,
Elise Hu (14:35):
But it's supposed to pull back your shoulders and if you wear it all the time just putz around the house or gardening or whatever it's supposed to actually over time improve your posture. Have you tried anything like this?
Alicia Menendez (14:50):
No, because a lot of them function by beeping, so they beep every time. You don't stand up straight. I'm not sure if this particular product, that's the way it works, but just the idea of another thing in my life beeping was too annoying to me. I also, I'm using an Invisalign and I've been using this Invisalign for a year now, so I feel like that is the only form of self-improvement I can currently invest in me and the rubber bands on my Invisalign, and then maybe next year will be the year I deal with my posture. Got it.
Doree Shafrir (15:18):
I also did Invisalign. Big fan.
Alicia Menendez (15:21):
If I get to the end of this thing.
Doree Shafrir (15:23):
No. Well, I will say it took longer than I thought
Alicia Menendez (15:27):
Always does.
Doree Shafrir (15:28):
Yeah. Everyone says it'll take longer than you think and I was like, oh, it's taking longer than I thought I had to get extra trays in the end, but very happy with the results, so stick with it.
Alicia Menendez (15:43):
Thank you for the inspo.
Doree Shafrir (15:44):
Alright,
Elise Hu (15:45):
Alicia, you just got a big new promotion on M-S-N-B-C, which is now, I guess spun off from NBC and part of something called ver. You're hosting in primetime now. Congrats. Tell us everything
Alicia Menendez (15:58):
I like to say. It's like targe. Okay. It's French. Okay. I have my youngest daughter is going to be six in August, and I always mark time by her birth because around the time that I was going to deliver her, I got my job, my initial job offer at M-S-N-B-C and we're living in Miami and I had to move to New York and that was for an evening weekend show. I came to New York, we launched the show, I'm doing it for a few months and then we end up in lockdown and I'm broadcasting from my garage with a nursing infant who's screaming bloody murder at the top of her lungs while I broadcast from the garage in either sub arctic or super hot temperatures, but grateful to be able to work from home when everybody doesn't have that opportunity and that privilege. Then I spent a little time doing that and then about a year and a half ago I was given the opportunity to transition to a show called The Weekend with Simone Sanders Townsend, who's a very seasoned political operative.
(16:57)
She's worked for Bernie Sanders, for Kamala Harris and Michael Steele, who was the chairman of the RNC about a decade ago. We had so much fun together Saturday and Sunday mornings and found ourselves really being able to set the conversation for the day that we were able to build an audience. So thank you if you were a member of that audience. And just a few months ago, we were offered the opportunity to move to 7:00 PM Monday through Friday. I give you all that context to say I have been working weekends for the past five years, and so the opportunity one to be on a semi-normal schedule, whatever that is, has been just a dream come true and I will never take it for granted and the opportunity to do this work, which is to storytelling of the factual nature where matters and is just such a privilege and such an honor to get to do this work in this moment. And I am traveling back and forth to Washington DC which is its own interesting piece of the puzzle.
Elise Hu (18:03):
Wait, so the studio is not in New York anymore? Is that what's happening?
Alicia Menendez (18:08):
It is in New York, but we try to spend as much time together as possible. And so that means on Monday mornings I head to Washington DC and on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, depending on the week, I head back. So my husband's doing some heavy lifting at home. I am trying to learn how to maximize my time on the Amtrak. If either of you have ideas for me, I would take them. I want to become one of those people who puts a face mask on and listens to a podcast. But if you have ideas, I'll take them.
Elise Hu (18:36):
Has the wifi gotten better on Amtrak?
Alicia Menendez (18:38):
It has. It's much more reliable.
Elise Hu (18:41):
Okay.
Alicia Menendez (18:41):
Well
Doree Shafrir (18:41):
Then good to
Elise Hu (18:42):
Know. That's a big,
Doree Shafrir (18:43):
Big, do you want to be using the time for work or for personal fulfillment or
Alicia Menendez (18:50):
Wonderful question. So on the way down on Monday mornings, I'm absolutely using it for work and I find it to be some of the best work time that I possibly have because there are fewer interruptions. I don't want to even get up and get water or go to the bathroom. But on the way back it is like nine o'clock at night and I've just worked a full day so that I am not functional. Maybe I do one or two mom things like order a leotard, but I'm not actually able to do and you deep thinking. Okay.
Elise Hu (19:22):
And then you're still podcasting too, right? You're still making Latina to Latina?
Alicia Menendez (19:26):
I'm still making Latina to Latina. I've lost track of which season we are in. We're expanding to video, so we're now on YouTube. But on some level I do that for the community that we've built and I do it for myself because I just love the nature of podcasting so much. I don't know if you both have had this experience, but it's so much more intimate
(19:47)
Than, I mean, I've been on TV for years and once in a while someone will recognize me at Trader Joe's, but it's more often that because you're in people's years this like, hi, can you hear me? This isn't more intimate relationship than you have with someone you build a relationship with on tv. I also love interviewing and I think it is an art and a science that requires deep study and preparation and really careful listening. And I don't think we see enough of that. I think especially in this new culture where everything is a clip and clippable, we're not thinking about how do I get to the real depth of the conversation? And my favorite moments in the interviews I do on Latina to Latina, which you don't have the time for on tv, is when I have the opportunity to reflect someone back to themselves in a way that either they have never thought of before or they have long thought of, but never felt that anyone else has seen. And so those moments where someone lights up because I have seen something in them or brought out something in them that otherwise they've not experienced, oh, that is the thing that keeps me me coming back for more.
Doree Shafrir (21:02):
I love that. And I agree. There has been this misconception. I think that interviewing is easy and it's just a chat. And I think those of us who have done it for a long time and our professionals are like, yeah, no, it's actually harder than that. And I mean, one of
Alicia Menendez (21:25):
The things I always tell people who are interested in doing this is to me, most of the work happens before it is in the preparation where I'm reading every interview that a person has done or listening to every interview that they've done. And then from there thinking, okay, do I know what is already out there and how do I extend that conversation further? The work is pushing it out, is getting people to talk about their Invisalign and their weighted
Doree Shafrir (21:54):
Vest. Totally, totally. So I want to kind of switch gears a little bit, and we're talking to you as Los Angeles is being occupied by Marines and National Guard, and I'm wondering from your perspective, what do you think the best use of our energies is right now in this very scary moment?
Alicia Menendez (22:15):
I think it really depends on who you are and what unique skills and talents you bring to this moment. There are people who are showing up all across the country and they are engaging in peaceful protests. There are people who are writing letters and calling their congressional offices, but there are also just people who are showing up and taking care of other people in their communities. And that type of caretaking and caregiving I think can't be undervalued enough or can not be overvalued enough to pick up the neighbor's kids so that they can participate in one of these acts of protests to bring a neighbor a meal when they don't have the time, the energy, the resources, I think this moment calls for us to build community and to care for one another and then to show up in the way that feels most aligned and most authentic to who we are and to not consider any act in any corner of the world to be too little or too small.
Doree Shafrir (23:21):
And how do you think people should keep their sense of hope right now?
Alicia Menendez (23:29):
So I'm a musical that's currently on Broadway. It's called Realism Have Curves the Musical, and it is based in Los Angeles in 1987, and the plot of the show follows Anna, who is the only American citizen in her family and wants to go to college and her immigrant mother doesn't want to let her go. They run a sewing factory, a garment factory in Los Angeles, and it is like this beautiful, bright, brilliant, joy machine of a show. And then in Act one there is a workplace ice raid in the factory next to them, the Goodnight Pillow factory and a few of the workers there are detained and then deported by ice. And every time I see the show I'm like, oh my God, this is 1987 Los Angeles. We have in some ways been here and seen this before and the show America itself kind of breaks your heart and then asks you to put it back together.
(24:34)
And so the fact that there are people who are taking time out of their lives to show up in whatever way that may be, to show up as pro bono legal support to show up at a faith vigil, to show up and make sure that they're the final line of defense. That's where we find hope. We find hope in one another. We find hope in community. We find hope in knowing that yes, this moment does feel different. I don't want to take anything away from that, but there are echoes of this in our past where we can see that when we come together and stand up and say that these things will not be done in our name, that we do have the power to fight back. It would be helpful if people who had more hard power were willing and able to do the same, but they will be moved by the people who have soft power. And so it's the calls, it's the showing up, it's the emails, it's the faxes. They really hate. When the fax machine gets jammed up, don't underestimate the faxes.
Doree Shafrir (25:45):
Yeah, I love this that just calling your representatives actually makes an impact. And I think people forget about those sorts of things that they can do.
Alicia Menendez (25:57):
And having conversations in your family sometimes I'm always amazed by the amount of misinformation, disinformation true information that is just a little off and to approach it. I think if you still have the time, patience, and energy from a place of love, which is like if I can bring this one person to see this in a more complex and nuanced way, then I will have done a piece of the work.
Doree Shafrir (26:25):
I love that. I don't want to stop talking about this moment, but I do also want to ask you about being a producer of a Broadway show. As far as I know, this is your first one. How did this happen? Tell us everything.
Alicia Menendez (26:42):
I'm a failed theater kid, which is I think half 50% of the M-S-N-B-C staff are failed theater kids. I got an email from Barry Weisler who's a famed producer. He produced Chicago, he produced Waitress, and I thought that it was my brother punking me from a decoy email address asking me to if I wanted to, it was just too good to be true. Like, Hey, failed theater kid, do you want to be a producer on a big Broadway show that I'm producing that happens to line with all of your interests around empowerment and community and immigrate? Give me a break. So I was like, okay, sir, I'll get on the phone with you and see if this is really you. And it was in fact, Barry Weisler and not my brother. And I think he thought he had to sell me on the show, but I didn't need to be sold at all.
(27:30)
My grandmother when she came to this country from Cuba, worked as a seamstress in a garment factory, no healthcare, no social security. My father was the first in his family to go to college. I a generation later get to have the great privilege of storytelling. How lucky am I and how amazing is it to sit in that theater at the James Earl Jones and watch all of this incredible talent on opening night? Lin Manuel Miranda was there and I was like, Lynn, I mean, where has all this talent been? He goes, well, they've all been in regional productions of In the Heights because those are the roles that are out there for Latina actresses. And it's not that there's a dearth of talent, it's that there's been a dearth of opportunity. And when the opportunity presents itself, you're like, my goodness, there is such a deep bench. And so it has been the most fun thing I've ever done.
Doree Shafrir (28:32):
I love that. So we're just going to take a short break and we will be right back.
Elise Hu (28:45):
Alicia, you're busy working on various projects in across different areas and you're swimming in all this news and the headlines for work. What are you doing to just kind of center yourself and try to take care of your loved ones even when there's just so much noise and not a lot of signal?
Alicia Menendez (29:05):
So aside from the sleeping and the walking, I mean, I think this is one of those places where I actually feel really lucky to be a mom, which is my kids just demand a certain amount of time and attention that forces me to be off my phone and away from the news and focus on them. The worst moments of motherhood is when my little one would be like, what are you doing? Who's that video of? And I'm like, oh, I'm watching a video of a stranger on the internet instead of paying attention to my kids, and it snaps me right back into that time. But I'm kind of a believer in this, which is I built a life that I love. I love where I live. I love the person I am married to. I love the two children I have. I love the work I get to do, and that's the joy, the joys in the fact that I had a lot of privileges that led me to be able to make a lot of right choices, but I made the right choices for me and I'm living a life that is authentically mine, authentic my own.
(30:13)
I see a totally different life where it's like I would've lived the life I had planned for myself until I was 22 where it's like I would've gone to law school and gone and become a lawyer, and maybe I'm happy in that life, but maybe I'm not. And I think what I'm watching with so many of my friends who are also over 40 is just one of those things. Feeling out of place work or home or friendship throws the whole thing out of order and there's no face mask or bath that undoes that truth. So I'm not doing the most self-care because I also don't really feel like I have
Elise Hu (30:56):
To.
Alicia Menendez (30:56):
I feel energized and happy in my actual life.
Elise Hu (31:00):
I love getting called out by my kids or I don't love, but it sort of amuses me getting called out by my kids for being a screen teen. So they'll call me a screen teen if I'm doom scrolling or something. They're like, okay, screen teen. Wait,
Alicia Menendez (31:16):
Really? That's so funny. Again though, over 40. I'd be like, thank you. Thank you so much.
Elise Hu (31:24):
Okay, so I love that answer. I think that it is so true that especially when you get to about 40 and you're in, there's a lot of talk about millennials going through our various midlife transitions, the midlife portal, everybody's calling it.
Alicia Menendez (31:41):
I'm wearing the stupid jeans, Elise, I am. Some younger person told me to.
Elise Hu (31:47):
You're getting Instagram influenced. Yeah, you're in it. But as you kind of think about this, now that you're looking back, how do you want to be a good role model? How do you want to help other folks along
Alicia Menendez (32:04):
A good role model to professionals or a good role model to my own children?
Elise Hu (32:10):
Would you answer the question differently?
Alicia Menendez (32:12):
Yeah. I mean, what's coming up for me with, I have two daughters. They're eight and they're five. And there I'm realizing how many shortcomings I have and how much work I still need to do on myself in order to be a really good role model to them. I've done a lot of work in the last 10, 15 years on boundaries and setting boundaries. That is a thing I did not grow up doing total people pleaser. I'm born in July. I am a cancer an INFJ. Boundaries are hard for me, but I'd focus so much on boundaries that I've done no needs work. I have no ability to assert my own needs.
(32:44)
I have no ability to assert my own needs in any capacity. And for a person who is otherwise generally competent, I have no basic skills in saying, I would like a slice of pizza. I would like to not do that thing you're asking. I don't know. But when you have children and they come to me with things where I'm like, oh, I need to help you learn how to set a boundary. I need to help you learn how to assert a need. And that is hard to do when you do not have the muscle memory or the skillset. So part of it is just me working on myself. And then in terms of being a good role model with people in the workplace, I am just going to admit I am struggling with the emergence of the soft girl era because I love it conceptually.
(33:38)
And at the same time, I just do not believe I would've attained the things I have attained and been able to do the things that I have done much of which I hope has been in the service of others and in something bigger than myself, if not for a lot of hustle and a lot of working holidays and a lot of skipping a nap and a lot of coming in on the days when I didn't want to show up and come in. And so I am still sorting through as I give counsel to others how much of that grit needs to be maintained, even as I understand the need for us taking better care of ourselves and making sure that we have a lot of life that fits in with the work we're being asked to do. But yeah, I think also being honest with people about the fact that you're in struggle as part of the service of being a role model. I think part of the disservice a role model can do is acting like they have it all figured out. And if you do, please call or email me. I would love to hear about it, but most people are in process, and I find it more interesting to know where people are in their process then to be sold like a one size all fake bill of goods.
Elise Hu (34:55):
As you were talking, it occurred to me that something that has really changed, I think after my twenties really, but even more so now in my early forties, is that I really want to be better at hyping other people up, especially my peers, because I think coming up in hustle culture sets you up to be in a very kind of competitive position, especially in broadcast news. It was constantly too much supply of people, not enough jobs, not enough demand. And so we were constantly looking over each other's shoulders to try and get a leg up and what a waste of energy. And so now I just want to be a high hive for everyone and encourage each other to each other up. And I think that's, I don't know. I feel like that's how I would answer the question. You're very good at that, and that's what made me think too.
Alicia Menendez (35:44):
Thank you. And I was going to say, I've never read that off of you, Elise, so either you were doing a very good job being, it was just steal
Elise Hu (35:50):
Competitive. I'm not that competitive anyway. That's why I'm not in broadcast news anymore,
Alicia Menendez (35:55):
But I so appreciate you reflecting that back in me because it is really important to me to be a one person hype hive. And if I love you, I will love you so hard and go to the mat for you. And I've been thinking about this a lot because now I've been through launching television shows, launching a Broadway show, publishing a book, and two things that come up for me are this. One is if you want to support your friend, you have to take a maximalist approach. You have to be the person who buys the theater tickets in the first two weeks, who pre-orders the book before it is even available, who posts it on Instagram, and I am talking about your grid, not your stories, nobody's there. You have to post it there too with the link included reminding people to either ask their library to carry the book or to buy it.
(36:47)
On the flip side of that is I am not a natural asker, and so when I have had projects, something that I have had to learn is how to ask for support and to be really explicit about it. Not to say, oh, I'm producing row Women of Curves. You should see it to say the show is launching April 27th. Tickets are available@curvesbroadway.com. I would really like if you'd come and you'd bring your mother and your aunt preferably in the first three weeks of the show to really give direction. Because I am, as both of you are an extremely busy person, and so you are actually saving me time by being explicit about how I can be most helpful in hyping you up. And so I'm trying to embrace both sides of it, both do the most as early as you can, and when you are the person who needs the hyping, ask your people for what you need.
Elise Hu (37:40):
Yeah, yeah.
Doree Shafrir (37:41):
Okay. That's a tough lesson I think for a lot of us, and I think it also goes back to kind of what we were talking about earlier where you were saying we all need to kind of be leaning on our communities right now and being part of our communities right now. And I think it goes both ways. We need to be helping in our communities, but we also need to be able to ask for help from people. And I think the term mutual aid, it's mutual, right? It should go in both directions. I think it's a really good reminder,
Elise Hu (38:14):
Alicia,
Doree Shafrir (38:16):
I
Alicia Menendez (38:16):
Always feel like you're saying your name with a little extra, Elise. Oh, yes. Whenever you say my name, Alicia,
Elise Hu (38:23):
Before we let you go, we have to talk about what else you've been influenced by because surely it's not just the weighted vest. Are you doing anything for skin or haircare you really swear by?
Alicia Menendez (38:37):
I love the electrolytes.
Elise Hu (38:39):
You
Alicia Menendez (38:39):
Can't overdo them. You have to drink quite a bit of water to go with it, just like one pack a day, but it makes me, I feel great. So I've been influenced by that. Let's see. I use a vitamin C serum that I can't tell if it's actually making a difference, so I'm not willing to pump that out on anybody else. I'm like, what? Actually, that's sort of the funny thing is if you ask me what I do, I could tell you everything I do, but the real question is what's working? I think the things that are working best are like I try not to wash my hair every day. It's actually the doing less. It's like, how do we just stop touching and fixing and that, and then how do I do that? I bought some t-shirts and influencer told me to buy. Fine.
Elise Hu (39:29):
Do you have a dry shampoo that you like for the days
Alicia Menendez (39:31):
That you don't wash? No. I'm anti dry shampoo. I am anti dry shampoo. I have very fine hair, and I find that it just ends up making me look like when it's my kids' hundredth day of school and they go in with powder in their hair, it just looks like a residue. I just think I have dirty hair. It's okay, guys. Calm down. I love that. What else? I have an influenced
Elise Hu (39:57):
Guy.
Alicia Menendez (39:59):
I don't know if either of you have had this, but I did realize at some point that all of the clothing I had was from 2006. I lived in Miami for a period of time. There's a different aesthetic than New York, New Jersey. I had two children. I was either pregnant or nursing for a few years, and that basically is a 10 year stretch, and then all of a sudden you're like, oh, nobody's wearing this anymore. Oh, no, this doesn't actually fit on my body anymore. So I have been paying attention to what the kids are wearing, but I find it all very confusing. Does anybody have a good pair of jeans? Can someone please send me the link?
Elise Hu (40:39):
I love high-waisted jeans, though. I love that high-waisted jeans are not embarrassing anymore because remember that time probably around 2006, 2007 when Jessica Simpson came out wearing mom jeans and everybody was like, Ooh,
Alicia Menendez (40:52):
I had nightmares though about when it swings back, it's going to swing back and then I'm not going to be prepared. It all comes full circle, so get ready.
Doree Shafrir (41:01):
That's so true.
Alicia Menendez (41:03):
Enjoy those high waisted jeans.
Doree Shafrir (41:05):
You can. Yeah, exactly. Alicia, I know we talked a little bit in the beginning about how you are on Amtrak a lot, and I know you travel a lot. Do you have any travel hacks or packing hacks? I tro
Alicia Menendez (41:22):
Dory. No, no, no, no, no, no. Please send them my way. I'm the person who, when I open my purse, it is like there are cords coming out. They're half eaten snacks from my children. There are whatever I am doing. You should do the opposite. Okay, fair. Fair enough. This may be this conversation and the humiliation of having to admit that I have a Mary Poppins bag of nonsense that I, that's the thing. It's like I, last week I was like, oh, I forgot my AirPods. And the week before that, there's always something. There's always something that I'm forgetting, but then the growing is I just have to learn to live without it, and it turns out it's fine. Totally. Almost anything except my contacts I can live without.
Elise Hu (42:05):
That was actually the travel hack I was going to share with you, which is just get a smaller bag so the smaller your bag gets, the more selective you have to be with what's in it, and the fewer goldfish crumbs will wind up on the bottom.
Alicia Menendez (42:20):
I literally turned it upside down the other day where I was like, the crumbs have got to get out of here. It's gross.
Elise Hu (42:24):
I'm there. I'm there. Well, this has been a delight. Where can folks find you?
Alicia Menendez (42:29):
Please find me Monday through Friday on M-S-N-B-C at 7:00 PM Eastern. Every Monday there is an episode of Latina to Latina, which you can find wherever you listen to your podcast. And then I'm most active on Instagram at AliciaMenendezxo. Until that beautiful girl in Spain who secured at Alicia Menendez decides she wants to give it up. She's vacationing in Myorca. It looks beautiful one day though.
Elise Hu (42:59):
You've been called out at Alicia Menendez in Spain.
Alicia Menendez (43:01):
Yeah.
Doree Shafrir (43:05):
Thank you so much. Thank you, Alicia. Alicia, this was so fun. Thank you both. Well, that was a great conversation with Alicia. She's had such an interesting life and career. I really enjoyed talking to her. You have cool friends.
Elise Hu (43:23):
The only thing though is I don't know about a weighted vest, really, the whole weighted thing that seems like more work than I am
Doree Shafrir (43:30):
Strong enough for. I was kind of sold after she told me that. I was like, maybe I should get a weighted vest. Yeah. I also, it's also one of those things where as soon as someone mentions something, you start seeing it everywhere. I feel like now I'm seeing all these people walking with weighted vests and I'm like, weighted vest day.
Elise Hu (43:54):
Well,
Doree Shafrir (43:55):
Alright,
Elise Hu (43:55):
Intentions?
Doree Shafrir (43:56):
Yes. Last week you were going to be present for unstructured time. How is that going?
Elise Hu (44:03):
Yeah, there was so much unstructured time on our vacation in Zion National Park. Yes. Yeah. The kids were just rotting when we were at the cabin and not out hiking or doing the narrows. First of all, the trip was incredible. I talked a little bit about it on our mini app, and thank you again to our listener who offered so many suggestions. Zion National Park, don't sleep on it. It's incredible. I was, I really engaged. Eight, I'd give myself a b, but we did just have so much unstructured time, so we did have just so much time together hanging out, and there were lots of toys in our cabin that allowed Luna to be really creative, and she made this giant castle with the Jenga blocks that were in there. Oh, cool. And we made all sorts of designs, like knocking 'em over like you do with dominoes, and so there were lots of fun things that we did.
Doree Shafrir (45:02):
Oh, that's fun.
Elise Hu (45:03):
I'm glad. I do get a lot of fulfillment and memory making from these vacations. So not bad. I give myself a b. What about you? You were just planning on spending time with people,
Doree Shafrir (45:15):
Trying
Elise Hu (45:15):
To kind of fulfill the legacy of your sister-in-law?
Doree Shafrir (45:18):
My sister-in-law, yeah. I have been making, making more of an effort. Good. So
Elise Hu (45:24):
Yeah,
Doree Shafrir (45:24):
We'll see. Hopefully this will continue. So I talked to the top of the show about how Matt and I went to the DMV and maybe I will take on another life task this week. One of those things that I've just been putting off. I'm trying to think what that will be, but I'll come up with something. There's certainly many things on the checklist that need to happen.
Elise Hu (45:52):
I had that pile of clutter, all the stuff that was moved out of my parents' storage that got moved to my house that I still haven't dealt with. I talked about this a few episodes ago and I still haven't dealt with, but I do have Raul, who's an amazing handyman. He's going to come over on Thursday to help with some things, and maybe I can talk him into going through that pile of stuff with me. Maybe I can be like, oh, this is so heavy. I can't move it around on my own. Maybe you can help and maybe he'll feel bad for me and help. But my intention this week is, we can talk about this at the start of some episode, but my scalp got sunburned a little bit.
Doree Shafrir (46:30):
Oh no.
Elise Hu (46:31):
Yeah, there's a little pink stripe where my hair part is, and I think it's sunburned on my scalp and my skin is just super dry because I've spent so much time in the sun spent in the National park in Utah. But then also I went to Phoenix for a couple days, and so just my intention is just to super hydrate the skin all over my body, including my scalp. Yeah. I actually feel like I've been in Arizona. I'm going to start either peeling or looking real leathery, so I'm going to work on skin hydration.
Doree Shafrir (47:06):
Okay, love that. I'm a big fan. All right. Well, thanks everybody. Forever35 is hosted and produced by me, Doree Shafrir, and Elise Hu, and produced and edited by Samee Junio. Sami Reed is our project manager and our network partner's Acast. Thanks everyone. Talk to you next time. Bye.