Mini-Ep 367: Between a Roc and a Hard Place
Kate and Doree consider wearing robes to their live event afterparty before they hear from listeners about a great drugstore vitamin c serum, introducing pronouns in a conservative workplace, and advice for the listener dealing with rehabbing their arm.
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Transcript
Kate: Welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I am Kate Spencer.
Doree: And I am Doree Shafrir.
Kate: And we are not experts.
Doree: No. But we are two friends who like to talk a lot about serums,
Kate: And this is a mini episode where we hear from you, we share your comments and your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability
Doree: Indeed. But please remember, we are podcast hosts, not experts, and we always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Kate: If you would like to reach us, you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text drop an emoji or a gif slash gif, whatever you say to (781) 591-0390, and you can always email us at Forever35podcast@gmail.com.
Doree: You can visit our website Forever35podcast.com for links to everything we mentioned on the show. Follow us on Instagram @Forever35podcast. Join the Forever35 Facebook group. That's at facebook.com/group/Forever35podcast. The password there is serums. You can sign up for our newsletter forever35podcast.com/newsletter and shop all the products that we are super fans of at shopmy.us/Forever35. And we're doing a live show.
Kate: Oh my goodness.
Doree: It's a, it's digital. So on the one hand, we're not going to be IRL, but on the other hand, that means more people can come, which is cool.
Kate: Come from around the globe, if you will. Actually, I peeked at some of our ticket sales and we do have some international attendees.
Doree: Yeah, that's so cool. Well, I think the timing of it, I mean, I always get a little confused about time.
Kate: Oh, me too.
Doree: But I, it's at 5:00 PM Pacific, so I think that means that
Kate: At the middle of the night in Europe, or early morning?
Doree: It's the middle of the night in Europe, but it is the middle of the day in Australia.
Kate: There we go.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: So our friends down under can join us.
Doree: No, you didn't just say that.
Kate: I did. It was terrible. It was terrible, but I did do it.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: Oh, nowI know I did it. Okay, sorry.
Doree: Yeah. I believe Australia is, or Sydney is 19 hours ahead of us. If I'm doing the math correctly, we're recording this at 11:30 AM and right now it's 6:30 AM tomorrow in Sydney.
Kate: Wow. That still blows my mind. I still.
Doree: I know. It's wild.
Kate: Let me just pop over on onto a world clock here. Okay.
Doree: Ye old world clock.
Kate: Ye old world clock. So yes. Okay. But see, right now in Dubai, for example, it's
Doree: Okay. okay.
Kate: It's 11:30 PM Okay. Interesting. Interesting.
Doree: Okay, so they're 12 hours ahead, so it would be 5:00 AM in Dubai when we do this live show that's a little early.
Kate: Early, okay. It's a little early. Our friends in South Africa might find this to be too early,
Doree: But you know what is cool, Kate?
Kate: Yes.
Doree: If you can't make it to the actual live show, if you buy a ticket, it's available on demand for a week.
Kate: That is cool,
Doree: So you can cozy up whenever is convenient for you and watch our show. So the tickets are $10. You can get them at moment.co/Forever35. And we're also going to have a little after party where things are going to get real intimate.
Kate: It's going to get spicy in that after party
Doree: it's going to get spicy at the after party in the hotel lounge. Oh yeah. This event is taking place at Doree's Hotel. Of course.
Kate: Yeah. This is just, we're all going to put on our imagination goggles, and this is taking place at Doree's Hotel. So bring your room key.
Doree: Bring your room. Key bring, I mean bring, yeah,
Kate: You could even wear the robe from the room.
Doree: Oh, Are you going to wear the robe, Kate? What are you going to wear?
Kate: I actually did think about wearing a robe either to the after party. I thought about wearing a bathroom.
Doree: Oh.
Kate: Like Slipping into something more comfortable for the after party. I imagine it kind of is like a intimate slumber party vibe in front of a big cackling cackling. Crackling fire.
Doree: Crackling fire,
Kate: In front of the crackling fire with a huge stone fireplace. Everybody has a drink of their choice, whether it is alcohol, non alcoholic, it's a safe space to be who you are. They'll be some giggles.
Doree: Very cool.
Kate: Maybe some overshare, and then we'll all go to bed at a reasonable time.
Doree: Yeah, reasonable hour. Reasonable hour. So yeah, that is fun. And there's also going to be some exclusive merch,
Kate: oh boy, this is going to be fun
Doree: that will only be available if you are at the show or you watch it on demand.
Kate: Should we do some gratitude journaling at the after party?
Doree: We could.
Kate: What's food for thought?
Doree: Food for thought. Indeed.
Kate: I can't wait. I am really excited. It's going to be really, really fun, and I haven't had the chance to do a lot of stuff like this, so I feel like we both get very giddy going to just be, I don't know. It makes me excited.
Doree: Oh yeah, I'm stoked. Well, Kate,
Kate: Let's hear for some folks. Should we hear from some folks?
Doree: Yeah, let's do that.
Kate: Okay. We received this really sweet message. This person wrote on mini episode 365, a listener asked how to manage feelings of body image anxiety in relation to an upcoming event with friends. I've been working with my therapist to overcome similar thoughts. I look a lot different slash bigger than I used to, but also had a disordered relationship with food and exercise back then. Of course, most people don't know that, so I worry. People will see me and just think, I quote, let myself go. My therapist has me do some quote and statement exercises to talk myself down. When I'm anxious, it first addresses and validates my feelings, and that then adds some sort of way. I'm working to adjust my mindset. So for example, I'm nervous people at this event will judge the way I look, and I'm trying to be more comfortable and value my body just the way it is. It's an interesting exercise that has helped me calm down on the way to an event. Definitely helps to say these things out loud, and it takes practice because it takes you out of your usual diet, culture, mindset. Hope this helps. What a great practice. I like how this validates your feelings. I do feel like sometimes it's so easy to be like, oh, don't feel that way. You shouldn't feel that way, and actually that gives you space to feel your feelings, but also opens them up to invite yourself into a different way of, or invite yourself into the next feeling, if you will. I thought this is so great. I mean, I'm not a therapist, but
Doree: Totally.
Kate: I like it also raises, I think, the very problematic cultural mindset that if their body has changed and gotten bigger, something bad has happened, or that is bad, rather than that is good, or what their body needed. Yeah. It just, it's, which I think is it's so ingrained in so many different conversations, both of beauty and medical culture, and I mean on and on, but I think that's an interesting, you just raise an interesting point that often our go-to mindset is someone has 'let themselves go',
Doree: And it's hard to not feel that way. I mean, that thought came into my mind unbidden the other day.
Kate: Oh, really?
Doree: I let myself, yeah. I was like, have I let myself go? And then I was like, Ugh, that's such a, that's such awful phrase.
Kate: Well, but also when you think about it, letting ourselves go, we've allowed ourselves to be free of a lot of the restraints. If we just thinking about it from a different angle, this idea of letting yourself go, letting ourself be free of a lot of the back pressure and restraints we put on ourselves. that maybe we need to reframe this whole idea of letting ourselves go when we let ourselves perhaps go, what does that mean? We go, there's more freedom, there's more comfort, there's more joy, there's more self-acceptance and self-love. I don't know, just food for thought on the whole idea of "letting ourselves go".
Doree: I love that.
Kate: I just had a matcha latte and I am ready to talk. I haven't had coffee in two weeks, but the match is hittin.
Doree: Wow. Okay. Okay.
Kate: I know. I know.
Doree: Okay, this is a lot of stuff to think about.
Kate: Just pour over that. Pour over that. Okay. Do you want to take this drugstore product recommendation someone sent?
Doree: Sure. Okay. Drugstore products alert recently started using this vitamin C serum after seeing it recommended on Insta by a derm. I got it on Amazon, but pretty sure it's available at most drug stores. I'm a loyal SkinCeuticals CE Foric user, and may splurge on it again someday, but right now can't quite justify the price. The serum has a lovely light scent, very hydrating, almost like a hyaluronic texture when it goes on and gives a great lasting glow. Highly recommend.
Kate: Wait, what is the serum? I know, I just realized, I'm so sorry. They included a photo and I didn't.
Doree: I was like, this sounds great. What is it?
Kate: I'm so sorry. It's by roc. ROC.
Doree: Oh, sure.
Kate: Okay.
Doree: That, that's like one of those brands that I've seen a lot and have never bought anything by them. Do you know the name of the serum, per chance?
Kate: Yep. Hold on. I'm going to find it. I'm going to find it. It's roc or R O C, Multi Correction Revive and Glow Daily Serum Vitamin C.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: Do you just call it ROC. I don't know what you call that brand, but this is alright.
Doree: This is ROC?
Kate: R O C. I see it all the time. I've never picked it up, but Oh, key dokey. Will do.
Doree: Yeah. Okay. I'm on board.
Kate: Yeah, me too. Doree, should we take a quick break?
Doree: You know what, Kate? Let's do that.
Kate: Okay. All right. We're back. Here's an email we got that. I don't know if I have an answer, but I'm hoping the thoughtful listeners of this podcast might have some wisdom. Hi, Kat and Dor. I work for a very conservative state legislature in a bipartisan office. I semi-regularly interact with a person from another bipartisan office who works in IT pre pandemic. This person was introduced to me using she/her pronouns during the pandemic. This person, I believe, got top surgery and started hormone therapy. Obviously, I'm assuming here based on physical presentation. This person has not disclosed this to me since this happened. I have tried to avoid using any pronouns at all, and instead just use their name while others in my office continues to use she/her pronouns. Would it be inappropriate to ask this person's pronouns? I can't decide if that's rude or would make them uncomfortable. I don't want to force them to out themselves, but I also don't want work to feel like they're not safe to be themselves, even if based on the shitty transphobic legislation that is passed here, they are in fact not safe. Google has been largely unhelpful on this, so I'd love y'all's input. Love you, appreciate you. My number one fuck transphobic legislation and fuck transphobia. I had a thought, my listener friend. You don't tell us what your pronouns are. I don't believe in the email you sent. You might have. I could go back and look. My thought would be, rather than singling this one person out based on your assumptions or whatever, which you may be correct, and I think you are being aware, I would volunteer your pronouns and start if you feel safe doing this. Obviously, again, I don't know what your situation is, but modeling that, not necessarily for this one person who's just living their life, but for the larger community that you are in. I think the conversation that might, especially because it sounds like you are in an extremely conservative area that is passing transphobic legislation, that modeling something different, is really, perhaps impact the most impactful way to go, and in doing so, you may connect with this person who you're thinking about. That was my kind of thought, was that I think that you can take a larger action and almost open the conversation up, not lead by example. That feels a little hokey, but just say like, Hey, everyone, or just start putting your pronouns at the end of an email or just send an email out. My pronouns are she/her/hers. I want this to be a space where if people feel comfortable, I'm using the pronouns that they prefer. So please feel free to let me know how you prefer to be addressed or communicated with CC everybody. Yes, Kate, I love this advice. I mean, this is a very tricky question, and I think this listener is right to really be conscious of the safety and comfort of everybody that the person that they are thinking of specifically, and again, I don't know. I'm a cisgendered, heterosexual white woman. I don't know for the most part what it feels like to feel unsafe in a community that I have to, other than as a woman, than a community that I have to work in and live in. So I don't, don't feel like I can speak to this, but assuming that the person who's writing this message to us is also a white, straight, cis lady that is what I would do in their shoes.
Doree: I think that's very good advice. Kate,
Kate: Do you have anything you want to add, or do you feel like we could just see what any everybody else says? What do you think?
Doree: I think what you're proposing is smart because I think it then just opens up the conversation and allows this person to, if they are comfortable, come forward to this other colleague. This colleague is basically saying like, I'm an ally.
Kate: Yes
Doree: And I think that that is important, but I'd love to hear from other people about this. If other people have been in this position or have thoughts please write in and let us know. Alright. Well, Kate, is it time for a voicemail?
Kate: I believe it is Doree.
Doree: Okay. Let's do that.
Voicemail: Hi. I was just listening to you talk about Adrian's 30 day yoga for January, and I know Kate, you are trying to do it every day but I am doing it except not holding myself to doing it every day, and it's incredibly refreshing. I'm generally a perfectionist trying to move away from that and not holding myself to doing it every single day in order and just working through them as I get there. I have done two, it's January 9th, so I eventually, hopefully by mid to late February will work my way through all 30, but at the moment, I have a kindergartner who doesn't want to go to school. Everyone in my family has had covid in the last couple of weeks, and taking it at my own pace instead of forcing myself to do it on the particular day means that I will eventually get it done and not feel terribly freaked out about it. So I am excited about that for anyone who doesn't want to follow it on every day, all the videos still stay up, even if you don't do it on time. So I'm really appreciating that. I love doing the yoga with Adrian and fitting in as much as I been super helpful for my self care journey. Thanks. Have a good day.
Doree: Okay. Love this perspective.
Kate: Okay. Yeah, I'm with you. Yeah, I haven't been doing it every single day. It is just not feasible for me. I've had some really frustrating days where I just haven't been able to do it. So yeah, I think this is a great way to go about anything, anytime we get too attached to, if I don't make this certain habit every day, it feels like our world's going to fall apart.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: I think then it's time to pause for a beat.
Doree: Yes. It's time to reassess,
Kate: But I love this and I am really enjoying my yoga with Adrian journey. I'm actually, I haven't done it yet today, but I am. I'm ready to get to it, and I'm really enjoying it. She's a really thoughtful yoga teacher. It's been, I'm getting used to there not being music and I'm enjoying myself and of course, sweet Benji.
Doree: Oh, sweet. Benji
Kate: Doree. We got this other voicemail in response to a recent mini episode about fucking with one's eyebrows, and this person has a tale about microblading that they really wanted to share.
Doree: Okay.
Voicemail: Hey I just had a pause upon moment on your most recent episode, about Do not Fuck with your eyebrows. Somebody was talking about that, and I want to add to that, I got my eyebrows microbladed like five years ago, and it was amazing. I thought they looked great. I was recommending it to everybody. Why wouldn't everybody do this? It makes your eyebrows look great. Well, fast forward five years later, one touch up and five years later they look terrible, and I'm desperately trying to fade them. I got a prescription for Tretinoin. I get microneedling fairly regularly. That's helping a little bit, but it doesn't matter how good they look when you first get them, they will fade and the color will change. They're now like a pinkish, reddish color, and I mean, unless you want to get touch up for the rest of your life, don't get them, and if you have them, try to get them removed. Mine are pretty faded, so I think I'm okay with just tretinoin and exfoliating them. We'll see how that goes, but yeah, I do not recommend it. I don't care how sparse your eyebrows are. Draw them in. Fill them in, or just let them be sparse. Do not get microblading done. It will not age well. I'm sorry to anybody who recently got their eyebrows microbladed, but this has been my experience, and also it turns out my eyebrows were fine. I didn't need it at all. I was over plucking them, so they seemed short. I had been over plugging them my whole life, and it's not till as time went on, I was like, Ooh, maybe I'll try to grill them out. They are fine, and I never even needed it, so I'm telling you, even if you think you need it, please don't save your money and save your future self.
Doree: Whoa.
Kate: Oh boy.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: I think this could apply to so many things.
Doree: Okay. Oh boy. Wow.
Kate: Hear you, thank you, listener. Thank you. All right. Let's take another break, and when we come back, we have a couple bits of advice for a listener undergoing shoulder surgery.
Doree: Okay. BRB. All right. We are B and we have a text listener who wrote in about loss of function After arm surgery, there is a professional to help you with exactly this, I would seek an occupational therapy evaluation. This profession is sometimes little known, but the occupation and occupational therapy refers to the things that quote, occupy your daily life and give you meaning. The roots of OT are actually in mental health, although these days it's often medical focused and often mistaken for slash lumped in with pt, I would try to find a good outpatient OT who can both help you with your physical functioning and look at it through the lens of what is functional and meaningful to you. They should be able to both help you regain function and help you learn new or different ways to meet your self-care needs, best wishes in your recovery journey.
Kate: Yeah. I mean, these were the folks who helped me recover from for a year after two hand surgeries.
Doree: Oh, really? An OT, not a PT.
Kate: I saw. No, I saw a hand. I saw specifically hand occupational therapists. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Doree. The amount of times I had to play with a tiny tether ball, like a miniature tether ball with my pinky finger. I mean, just they have you do we picking up marbles and just, it was like sometimes it felt very silly, but it really helped. It's the best. Yeah. I didn't even really understand what occupational therapy was, I think, until I needed it myself as a full grown adult, but very helpful. Here's another text for that listener. Here are some ideas that popped into my head. Meditation and breath work. Go on a walk. Journaling via computer, since they're able to type, getting a manicure, if they really want to splurge, get a facial or eyelash extensions, it also sounds like they want to feel like they can contribute to more household things. Maybe they can take on meal planning and ordering groceries, or they can splurge on having someone come clean their home every other week hoping these are helpful.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: Yeah, I believe they are. I think these are great.
Doree: Yeah. Yes. I kind of want to splurge on these things and I don't need.
Kate: That's a good point. You don't need to be recovering from shoulder surgery to splurge on any of these things. I've never done anything to my eyelashes. I've never got an eyelash extension.
Doree: I have not either. I've done an eyelash lift before,
Kate: Like a tint
Doree: Which I thought was, did I do a tint
Kate: Or is it more that like it pushes them up? It's like a permanent or a semi permanent pushup.
Doree: Yeah. I think I did a tint also, but I don't totally remember. I thought it was fine. It was a little expensive for what it was, I feel, but you know.
Kate: Do what makes you feel good.
Doree: Do what makes you feel good
Kate: Kind of what yoga with Adrian says, do what feels good, that is what she says a lot.
Doree: Yes, yes, yes.
Kate: Oh, well, Doree an another joyful conversation in the books.
Doree: Indeed. All right. Bye everyone.
Kate: Bye.