Mini-Ep 351: Lollipops Or Lube
Kat and Dor receive an interesting email about dyeing pubes, and they hear from listeners about deciding when to have children, playing the comparison game with close family members, and breast-augmentation support. Plus, the Cough Drop Coitus Confessor writes in to tell more!
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Transcript
Kate: Hello and welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Kate Spencer.
Doree: And I'm Doree Shafrir.
Kate: And we're not experts.
Doree: We're not, but we are two friends who like to talk a lot about serums,
Kate: And this is a mini episode where we hear from you. We share your comments and your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability.
Doree: And please remember, we're not experts or podcast hosts. We always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Kate: If you wanna reach us, you know where to find us, hit us up on that voicemail or text, 7 8 1 5 9 1 0 3 9 0, or you can email us on the geems Forever35podcast@gmail.com.
Doree: You can also visit our website Forever35podcast.com for links to everything we mention on the show. You can follow us on Instagram @Forever35podcast. You can join the Forever35 Facebook group at facebook.com/groups/forever35podcast. We also have a newsletter, Forever35podcast.com/newsletter, and you can also shop our fav prods at shopmy.us/Forever35
Kate: <affirmative>. You know what, before we get into a larger conversation, I have to tell you about a weird email that I got today that has been in the back of my brain. It might have come to the Forever35 email. It was about pubic hair dye. Did you see this?
Doree: Oh, It was a press release, right?
Kate: Yeah,
Doree: I think I got it to got it to my personal email.
Kate: It came to the Forever35 email account, but it was only addressed to me. They must know I have a real interest in pubic hair and it's like body hair. I don't get it. I think it's dying. Our gray pubes is what this is for, but then the whole post is body hair is natural. #yes, body hair positivity. <laugh> like, why would we be dying our pubic hair? Cover your gray. Literally cover your gray pube hair dye is what we were pitched today. And I just feel like, I mean, again, I'm not here to yuck your yum dye, your pubes, by all means. Anyone out there dying their pubes. I would love to know
Doree: <laugh>. I just feel like it's not necessary.
Kate: Well, what's interesting about this press release is it's specifically hair dye quote, formulated for men, <affirmative> for their beards, mustaches and body hair, including pubic hair. And I think that's interesting because women have been conditioned to rip all their pubic hair out, and here we have a product that is celebrating and enhancing men's pubic hair. This is not to say that men don't also wax and shave their pubic hair. I just find this to be fascinating through the lens of beauty, culture and sexism.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: What is happening? So I just wanted to bring that to our attention and like, Hey. Oh,
Doree: Thank you.
Kate: I do wanna know if people are dying their pubes. I really do.
Doree: I am not
Kate: <laugh>
Doree: Kate.
Kate: Well, this is my segue to talk about how I am
Doree: <laugh>. You're just testing the waters.
Kate: I just wanna see how you would respond. Again, I don't wanna yuck anyone's yums which, what is so weird, Doree, one of my kid was like, don't yuck. She used the phrase, don't yuck my yum, my nine year old.
Doree: Interesting.
Kate: I didn't realize they knew that or were using it.
Doree: They knew it. They know it and they're using it.
Kate: They know it. <laugh>. Yeah. Anyway should we hear from a couple listeners to get us so started here?
Doree: Let's do that. Alright. This is an email from a listener who says, I'm 33 and we'll be turning 34 in March. I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years, and we recently moved in together. We've talked in generalities and then sometimes specifically about marriage and kids. A while ago I told him I'd like to start trying to have kids between 34 and 36, and he said he was comfortable with that. Now it feels like 34 is looming and this timeline I set up before is becoming real. I want to have kids. I want my parents who are in their mid seventies to be able to meet my kids, but I'm not sure I'm ready to become a mom so soon. How do you know when you're ready? Love listener from the Midwest?
Kate: Well, there are two things at play here, I think is the one figuring out when you're ready. The whole problem about reproduction is that we can get to a point where we're mentally ready to have children. It doesn't mean that our bodies are going to necessarily get pregnant when we're mentally ready.
Doree: I see what you're saying. Yes,
Kate: Is kind of, so at 35 you might be like, I'm ready, and but then it might not happen if that's the route you wanna go. Having kids no route is guaranteed. And getting a child, having a child in the many ways that one can do it, it can take a long time. So the stuff is all very tricky, and I don't know if I necessarily have an answer except to say that if you're hesitating, I would listen to that more than the other side of things.
Doree: Yeah, I think that's really good advice. I think that's really good advice. Also, it's kind of a cliche, but I think when people say, no one's ever really ready, I think that that is true. I think that at some point you just have to take that leap of faith.
Kate: Good point.
Doree: And you'll figure it out. I think there was a reason you said you wanted to try to get pregnant. Between 34 and 36, your parents are getting older. You, you're just feeling, it sounds to me like you are ready, and you're just sort of scared about what this big change is going to mean for you, which is totally normal and understandable.
Kate: I think it's worth having the conversation with your partner too, since they are currently a part of your consideration. And having children doesn't mean you can't do this without them, but worth talking to them about. Right.
Doree: Totally, totally.
Kate: Keep us posted and maybe other people have more concrete advice about how they "knew" when they were ready. I mean, I think I've expressed this on this podcast before, but I definitely had children I think earlier than I maybe would have initially thought I would because my mom died when I was in my mid twenties, and that kind of made me push me to wanna start having kids. I was like, oh fuck, I could die when my kids are young. But I wonder if I hadn't gone through that experience, if I maybe would've waited. I just don't know. It's just so weird how things can happen in your life that change your decision making.
Doree: Totally. I think that's such a good point.
Kate: Well, shifting gears. Oh my gosh, and I didn't even mean to put this in. I didn't even mean to start this episode by talking about pubic hair, but here's a question about pubic hair. This person texted us listening to yesterday's mini app while I get ready for a new friend date with a woman I met at a book club, my therapist held Also, I have a shower question do others wash the outer labia, especially if they have pubic hair. I was thinking about it in the shower today because I always use mild soap to wash front and back.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: Oh, is your labia washing a concerted moment where you're like, I've gotta get in here? Or is it kind of the general soapy scrub,
Doree: General soapy scrub, but I do make sure to hit it.
Kate: You hit the spot <affirmative>. Yeah, I get in there. I try to get in there, but I'm, I'm never soaping up my pubes and giving them a rinse. Maybe I should, but I do try to,
Doree: I'm not shampooing my pubes.
Kate: I have never thought about pubic hair this much as I have in the last 10 minutes.
Doree: I mean, look,
Kate: Is pubic hair care the last frontier of beauty startups?
Doree: Maybe
Kate: This is where we should, how we have chuckled about in the past, how there's always a new face oil. Maybe this will be like we've started pubes because we felt like pubic hair washing was underrepresented in the shower community, so we started pubes soap to make a specific soap for washing our pubes. I'm just saying we could start that business.
Doree: I mean, you could.
Kate: Would you want to though. All right. Let's take a break and hopefully not talk about pubes when we come back.
Doree: Okay. Let's do that.
Kate: Okay. Hi, Kat and Dor, this is an email longtime listener, first time emailer. I was wondering if you had any advice or could talk a bit on the pod about dealing with jealousy and comparison. I have a twin sister who is loving her job recently moved into a beautiful new apartment and has the time and money to frequently go on weekend getaways and trips. I am currently in law school, and while I know that it'll pay off in the end, I don't have a lot of extra time and money to spend on getaways trips or a nice apartment to top it off. Whenever my sister goes somewhere or does something fun, she sends pictures and messages about it in our family group chat. I want to be happy for her, but I also find myself comparing my situation to hers and feeling jealous. Not only that she has the time and money to do fun things, but also a bit annoyed that she has to tell our whole family about it. How do you suggest I handle this? Should I just come to terms with the fact that we're at different stages in life? I would love to know how others have dealt with jealousy in comparison, especially with close family members.
Doree: This is tough. I mean, a very wise writer I know wrote in their book, comparison is the Thief of Joy.
Kate: Dory is referring to me, but that is a quote that I, that's from somebody else. I didn't come up with that sentiment,
Doree: Kate, I told you that my mom had never heard that she, and then she read your book and she high, she basically highlighted it, wrote it down. She was like, Kate had the most wonderful <laugh> "comparison is the thief of joy". I was like, yes, that is a wonderful, but I was like, she did not make that up, <laugh>.
Kate: No, I didn't.
Doree: But it is a great saying but it's really hard. I you note this also in your novel, but it's very hard not to compare ourselves to others, especially when they are close to us. I mean, I basically wrote a whole book about this <laugh>.
Kate: Yeah, you should read Thanks for Waiting. I feel like, Doree, you dig into this very well.
Doree: Also, having a sister who actually coincidentally went to law school is a lawyer and she does different things than I do and we're on different paths and I've just made my peace with it. I kind of think that's all you can do.
Kate: I agree. This reminded me of a moment when I, not to keep talking about the time of my life where I dealt with my mom having cancer, but my mom got diagnosed with terminal cancer. I quit my job. I moved home to care for her. I had no income. I just was like, and obviously in a very low place in my life, and I will never forget picking up, being at a pharmacy, getting a prescription from my mom and getting a text from a good friend who had just basically gotten the dream job of our industry and it was a huge deal, a life changing job, and she was celebrating this and it was so hard for me to be happy for her. And I think sometimes you are just not in the head space to, sometimes you just are jealous. I don't think jealousy is a thing that we can just shut off.
And so I think we have to just honor the fact that it's how we feel and validate our feelings, but also know that most cases, the person is not intentionally doing anything to cause us harm. I don't think your sister personally is doing anything wrong by messaging the group chat. I think she's in your sister's mind. She may just be trying to celebrate a fun time and share with your family, but I certainly understand why it impacts you in that way. So I think you just have to allow yourself the space to, you know, you are in different stages. You're feeling jealous and I hope find places where you can express that therapy is great for this.
Doree: Yes, I agree. And actually, if you're in law school, you probably have counseling services on campus that you can take advantage of.
Kate: But good luck. I think everybody can relate to what this listener wrote. I mean is so this So human
Doree: <affirmative>
Kate: Like a hundred percent, yes. A hundred percent listener, yes. Alright. I Doree, correct me, I don't think we've read this, but for some reason it was feeling familiar, so correct me if we've already shared this. All right. A listener texted us and said, my first pause the pod moment in response to the listener with the upcoming breast augmentation. I had one earlier this year, and I was also unsure about what reactions to expect from coworkers. I went from a small B to a D, so I knew it would be noticeable. I only told my direct supervisor and a couple of close work friends prior to going out for surgery. To my surprise, when I came back to work, nobody said anything to me. I was worried about having uncomfortable conversations about my body, but my coworkers were either respectful and didn't bring it up or possibly didn't notice. I hope this helps ease some of your pre-surgery worries.
Doree: No, we haven't read this. We only read the email or text from the original person. I love this. You know what, I think this is also, again, just one of those examples of just because we are our own main characters doesn't mean that we're everyone elses.
Kate: Yeah, not everybody's gonna notice.
Doree: Not everyone's gonna notice. I mean, I, I've gotten haircuts that I thought were pretty drastic and not everyone has notice. You know what I mean? There's just, people are just in their own worlds, I think.
Kate: Yeah. I hope, I wonder how this listener is doing, the one who is getting the breast augmentation. I would love to hear from them, but I think it raises such an interesting kind of conversation about the workplace and our autonomy in the workplace and how we don't really have to share anything with anybody if we don't want to, but we still are spending our entire lives with these people. It's just such an interesting, weird space to tread in and I'm curious, I'm curious how it's going for that listener, but I'm so glad this person weighed in and hope and I hope that the original listener has a similar experience.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: All right Dor. We're gonna BRB
Doree: Alight, let's take another break. We'll be right back. All right. We got an update, which honestly, one of my favorite things, <laugh>, when people update us or clarify things. Hi Kat and Dor. I'm cry laughing at my desk at work listening to the pod because I just had to text my wife that the cough drop coitus confession, <laugh> made it onto the air on Forever35. Here's some relevant context. It tends to happen during the transition from foreplay to, "where are the tissues and what towel needs to be washed? Anyways" I've not been bone and heard the wrestling of a cough drop wrapper yet. Her bedside table drawers are basically a mini Walgreens, and in this Walgreens, the cold and flu aisle is right next to the family planning aisle. So yes, she'll be going for a vibrator or lube and get sidetracked by a quick cough drop <laugh>. The other sex offense you need to know about is I'm married to a Carmex addict, what I call the dreaded grease, and while a cough drop is an occasional offense, I'm pretty conditioned to the much more predictable mids sex pause to find her Carmex and regrease. Am I being conditioned in a Pavlovian way to the smell and feeling of menthol? Also, one of her love languages is applying pre-sex carmex and offering that she's "only putting on a light coat" <laugh>. She really is just as smart and funny and as beautiful as you say she is. One of the many ways she's my own Kat and Dor is she just published her own romance book Anticipation of the ABCs of Romance: Book One and fans of the pod to check it out. I'm really proud of her and Book C may just be C is for Cough Drop
Kate: <laugh>. I feel like we need to be best friends with this couple.
Doree: I mean, there's a lot
Kate: C is for Cough Drop. I, cackled! I cackled, okay. Can we break this down?
Doree: Yes. Let's,
Kate: Okay. Number one, I mean, the bedside drawers that are mini Walgreen, this made me chuckle and I just do love the interruption of being like, I'm gonna go get the vibe, and then they're like, just gotta have a little throat menthol to really calm things down.
Doree: Okay. I thought I still don't fully get the, I have to say, I still don't fully get the cough drop.
Kate: I'm addicted to cough drops. Right. I have a full on cough drop addiction, so I get this.
Doree: Also, I would be worried about choking. There's just a lot about having a cough drop during sex that I, I don't know. But again, don't wanna yuck anyone's yum, its just is not for me. I'll put it that way. The other thing that I just wanna say is I thought when you started talking about Carmex, I thought you were going to say something about blowjobs
Kate: <laugh>. Ooh. Well, I don't know the gender identity of the partner. I mean, either way someone's gonna be getting a tinkly fellatio no matter what the genital, with a Carmex lip.
Doree: Yeah, that's that's true.
Kate: But did you think they were greasing up for a good old,
Doree: I thought maybe that the Carmex made, there was more of a tingling sensation.
Kate: Oh, I thought you were gonna say it's like a mouth lube.
Doree: I mean it, it's sort of sounds like this person is using it as a mouth lube, but I thought, I thought that was where they were going with this. That's, that seems maybe, I don't know. Would that feel good or would that feel uncomfortable? <laugh>,
Kate: I mean, I just, having to even just kiss Carmex lips. I just am not, I can't, I don't know. But I love mean the humor that this and the humor and love that this person writes about their spouse with is so delightful. I love that this part partner puts on the pre-sex Carmex and offers that she's quote, "only putting on a light coat". I just love that so much.
Doree: I, mean.
Kate: And I think Carmex. Carmex also, it feels like we're saying CarMax the, I know <laugh> used car sale company. I know but Carmex, folks who are into Carmex are into Carmex. You can't break that addiction. That's a tough one. That's how I am with Vaseline.
Doree: Yeah. Yeah. It's a tough one.
Kate: Yeah. So look, listener, we commend you for just yes, sanding the menthol that is a part of your sex sexual relationship with your spouse. <affirmative> and thank you for this follow up and everyone check out Anticipation, The ABCs of Romance <laugh>, which looks very good. I'm gonna download it. It a real book. I'm excited to read it. Doree, we have one voicemail here that is kind of on this topic.
Doree: Alright. Let's hear it
Voicemail: Kat and Dor, I'm listening to mini ep 349 where you read the message about the person partner paused during sex to put the cough drop in their mouth, I will say that once I was masturbating and I was sucking on a lollipop and the flavor, the sweetness somehow added an extra sensory experience and made it better. Anyways, thank you. Bye.
Kate: Okay. I mean, the vulnerability, the sharing <laugh> community that we have here, it's like, what is life? I love it. I love it so much. This is great. I mean, this is interesting to me to have this kind of taste sensory element that's not tasting of a body part. <affirmative>, they make strawberry flavored lubes and stuff like that. Isn't that all a thing?
Doree: That is all a thing. Yeah. Yes.
Kate: But I like just having a little snack in the middle of it and it adds to the pleasure. <laugh>
Doree: It really heightens things. <laugh>.
Kate: Yeah. I'm just interested. I'm interested, anyway, my kids got lollipops for Halloween, so I'll dig into this.
Doree: Okay. Please report back.
Kate: I dunno. I dunno if I will. all right. Well, look, I mean, we're so lucky to have the listeners that we have. Thanks so much for sharing all these different parts of yourselves.
Doree: Amen. All right. Bye everyone.