Mini-Ep 463: You Can Just Say No
Listeners call in with their thoughts on the efficacy of at-home laser hair removal, the joys of color analysis, opinions on THE best JLo movie, and advice for what to do with all those tiny beauty samples.
Plus, Doree volunteers at the library and Elise goes to a Patreon event.
To leave a voicemail or text for a future episode, reach them at 781-591-0390. You can also email the podcast at forever35podcast@gmail.com.
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Transcript
This episode transcript is AI generated.
Doree Shafrir (00:10):
Hello and welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Doree Shafrir.
Elise Hu (00:17):
And I'm Elise Hu. And we're just two friends who like to talk a lot about serums,
Doree Shafrir (00:21):
And this right here is a mini episode where we hear from you, we share your comments and your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability. But please remember, we are not experts. We're podcast hosts, just mere podcast hosts, and we do always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Elise Hu (00:42):
There are 6 million podcasts right now. There are, yeah. So isn't a podcast host. You have to wonder.
Doree Shafrir (00:51):
That is an existential question that I had not really wrestled with.
Elise Hu (00:56):
I mean, it's small compared to the population of the us, which I think is almost 400 million. But it's a good chunk of the population.
Doree Shafrir (01:04):
Well, yeah, because how many journalists are there in the US? Like 50,000? There's not that many.
Elise Hu (01:10):
Yeah, I think it's fewer newspaper reporters than there are coal miners is the stat because there were more newspaper jobs lost since the year 2004 than coal mining jobs.
Doree Shafrir (01:25):
That is just something that is something, it's a staggering statistic.
Elise Hu (01:32):
I talk about it a lot.
Doree Shafrir (01:35):
Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy.
Elise Hu (01:37):
We have a lot of stuff, a lot of your correspondence to get to today, but just for a quick catch up door, how was volunteering at the library? Tell us about your morning.
Doree Shafrir (01:49):
Yeah, I volunteer at the library at Henry's school every Friday, and I do it when his class has library, so he likes to help me shelf books, which is very cute. And he gets really into it. He's like, okay, this has to be alphabetical, but he's very funny. So yeah, it went well. He was upset though because he had forgotten his library book and he was like, mama, you forgot my library book. And I was like, I didn't forget your library book. I
Elise Hu (02:24):
Tried to get it. I didn't forget anything.
Doree Shafrir (02:26):
I was like, I tried to get you to put it in your backpack last night, remember? And you said you wanted to wait until the morning, so I did not forget your library book. That is your responsibility. And it reminded me of our executive functioning conversation that we've been having.
Elise Hu (02:40):
It also ties into our conversation for next Monday's show, so definitely check that out. Just a little teaser.
Doree Shafrir (02:48):
So it was good. And they allow him, if you forget your book, you're allowed to put a book on hold and then just swap it out when you come back.
Elise Hu (02:59):
Yeah, that makes sense with your book. So it's not, so kids these days aren't learning the Dewey Decimal system, are they? Is the Dewey Decimal system just over RIP or
Doree Shafrir (03:10):
Henry's school library uses the Dewey Decimal system for nonfiction.
Elise Hu (03:15):
That's great.
Doree Shafrir (03:16):
Yeah,
Elise Hu (03:17):
I remember having to learn that in school library in elementary school. So
Doree Shafrir (03:23):
I thought it was gone. I worked in the library in college. It was my work study job. I worked in the fine arts library at my school, so this is just a return to form for me. She books and real continuation checking books
Elise Hu (03:38):
Out. You know what though? It shows a lot about what your passions are because you're willing to do it even for free. So it's like this is clearly something that I feel connected to at a soul level. So yay books. It's true. Very cool.
Doree Shafrir (03:54):
How was your morning?
Elise Hu (03:56):
I have been super productive today. I finally took all of the tapes that I wanted to digitize to the digitization place. So that's a big step. And they said it would only take a week. And I was like, what kind of crazy stuff do you guys see? And he was like, it's pretty unbelievable
Doree Shafrir (04:12):
Because
Elise Hu (04:13):
It's all these people's old tapes. And I gave him two birth videos that he has to deal with, so good luck to him. And then I got off to a bit of a slow start this morning, despite all the productivity later, I got off to a slow start because I don't set an alarm. I generally, like my body knows to wake up around seven because that's when I have to get out the door to take Ava to zero period. And even on the weekends I'll still wake up at seven, just so used to it. Today I woke up, but then if I need to wake up before that, the alarm is Ava. It's Ava around six 40 or 6 45 going, mom. And that's how I know to wake up. And this morning I didn't get my alarm. Nobody called me. And so I woke up at six 50 with a start.
(05:05)
Nobody, my alarm didn't go off. This is really weird. And I go downstairs and Ava was still dead asleep. She just, I don't know her. Hey, Google didn't wake her up. And so then we reversed roles. I had to wake her up this morning and she freaked out. We got out the door, she got ready kind of in the car. But part of the reason why I was running behind was because I was stuck at a valet waiting for my car to be returned to me for 30 minutes. So Sam and I went to this thing for Patreon creators that
Doree Shafrir (05:44):
Sam Sanders was celebrating because there's, there's a lot of Forever35 affiliated Sams. Yes. I feel like we need to clarify.
Elise Hu (05:53):
Yes. Friend of the show, Sam Sanders and co-host of Vibe Check and the host of the Sam Sanders show, my longtime NPR colleague, Sam and I go to this Patreon event, which Dory and I had decided early in the day that we were going to bail on because no offense to our Patreon hosts by the way, but it's an hour long drive
Doree Shafrir (06:13):
For you. For me, I did not have the drive excuse. It was actually quite close to where I live. I had my social battery feels very low, and I was like, I cannot wrap my head around having conversations with people I don't really know. I just was like, I don't feel up for it tonight. And Elise was like, oh, I don't think I can go either. But then you rallied.
Elise Hu (06:42):
I rallied, and here's why I rallied. I got a text around four. I had even wrote them and said, Hey, I know I confirmed, but I'm sorry, I'm going to have to decline. And they just hadn't written me back. So around four, Sam texted me and was like, what are you wearing? And then I remembered that Sam was also going and we hadn't confirmed and I was just like, oh yeah, okay, I'm going to have to pull it together. And I told him, I was like, I, okay, if it's going to take longer than 90 minutes, I'm going to bail. If it's a 90 minute drive, I'm going to bail, but if it's around 45 to an hour, I will try and make it. I'll just be a little bit late. And so ultimately it was about one hour to get there and so I made it met so many interesting creators. We were seated across from not just three but four reality TV podcasters. One has a show just about Vanderpump or started Vanderpump and then continued in that universe. Two of them are Bravo shows and that are kind of Bravo show watch podcasts.
(07:49)
And then the fourth is the host, a guy named Matt who's very lively, who hosts something called Reality Gaze. And they specifically don't cover Bravo reality. So Oh, interesting. We only do reality shows that don't appear on Bravo like they do. Love is Blind, for example, because that's not a Bravo show. And some other ones that are fascinating that I had never heard of before, there was one about pig farmers in Texas. There was one who does the presidential cooking TikTok, it's called Cooking with, nah, I don't want to get it wrong, but basically what he does is he eats what a president ate for the whole day. This guy has a million TikTok followers and he'll just like, okay, this is what Woodrow Wilson ate in a single day and he would just eat liver worst or whatever it is and just eat it all day and it's Oh, that's
Doree Shafrir (08:46):
Kind of amazing.
Elise Hu (08:47):
No, it's so cute. He's such a nerd cooking with Congress. Yes. The Instagram and the TikTok is called Cooking with Congress. He will eat like America, so he'll eat the same foods that are very popular in a particular district. So like the New York sixth district, and he'll eat that. But then for example, he has up here, he ate beef steak and kidney pie for a day because that's President John Quincy Adams diet. Then he eats like the Eisenhower. Sure. It's so hilarious. So I met him and then the other guy who has a great show, and I haven't listened to it yet, but I want to is a ITA pod and he mines, am I the asshole on
Doree Shafrir (09:30):
Reddit? Oh yeah, that's a good idea
Elise Hu (09:32):
For great content. And then he and his coworkers or colleagues or co-hosts will come and discuss them. And the thing about am I the asshole on Reddit is most of the answers are yes, you're the asshole. So he goes to a separate subreddit, which is like, am I the asshole filter or something? And he's like, those are the thorny questions. That's the subreddit for am I the asshole Questions that actually can generate a lot of debate. People have different takes on it. And so he uses that for his podcast and he had invited me to go on to consider am I the asshole questions until I learned he lived in Echo Park. For those of you who understand Los Angeles, I live in basically Venice, so it's like a bi-coastal situation and I probably won't do it now as a result of our distance. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, lots of funny stories, but I know we have a lot to get to.
Doree Shafrir (10:31):
We do have a lot to get to. So we are going to take a little break and come back with some comments, questions, concerns, et cetera from our listeners. But just a reminder that you can email us at Forever35podcast@gmail.com. You can call or text us at five nine one zero three nine zero. Our website is Forever35podcast com. There's links to all the things we mentioned on the show. We are on Instagram at Forever35 Podcast. We post clips from our interviews on Instagram. They're often very funny, so you should check those out. Our newsletter recently taken over by Elise is Forever35podcast.com/newsletter and our favorite product search shopmy.us/Forever35. And I also just want to put in a quick plug for our Patreon because on our Patreon you get our weekly casual chats. You get ad free episodes at the $10 level, you get our monthly pop culture episodes. You also get a shout out on the podcast every month as a thank you
(11:42)
And there's a seven day free trial, so you can just check that out if you are interested. And that is at patreon.com/forever five. Alright, now we take, alright, we are back. We got this text that said, hello, Dorian Elise, I just listened to the latest mini episode and want to comment on Dory's quote saltiness. I absolutely loved it. Dorie, I would say you sounded confident in your beliefs like someone who cares about integrity, not salty or self-righteous. You saying that you didn't want it to sound self-righteous, makes you sound self-aware. I'm sure I'm not alone when I say I want more of it. It was very enjoyable to listen to. Also, Dorie, I think at some point you mentioned that you're somewhat hesitant to reach out to folks in your network regarding your job search. I've worked in the learning and development field corporate training for about 15 years and love sharing my expertise and experience. I always tell people they do me a favor when they reach out for my opinion or advice. I'm convinced I'm not alone in this. Of course, I don't know everything. Advice is just that. Some of it may resonate with you and some of it may not. That's a sweet note. Thank
(12:53)
You. Very sweet note, very wise words. Thank you listener. I so appreciate this. I'm happy to go on more rants at any time. I have a lot of thoughts and now you have given me permission, right? Watch out, encouragement even. Yes. So one of the things that I was ranting about was empties packaging and what we do about empties. Yes. Empties and wastefulness and samples. And we did get a few messages about this. The first one, I was thrilled to receive this text. Hi there. I'm an actual expert in packaging. I have a PhD in the field.
Elise Hu (13:42):
I love our listeners.
Doree Shafrir (13:44):
Did you know you could get a PhD in packaging? Because I did not. That is amazing. I'm sure that's not what it's called specifically, but maybe it's What if this person has on their wall PhD in packaging?
Elise Hu (13:58):
Yes.
Doree Shafrir (13:58):
We dunno. They wrote a thesis on, they wrote a dissertation on packaging. I'd like to read it. I have a lot of thoughts based on your short conversations about empties programs, recycling and reuse. The most useful thing for the environment is to only buy things you use completely. There are lots of refillable beauty packages, but sanitation and shelf life is a huge reason why you don't see them in bulk bins. Okay, that makes sense. Sanitation, yeah. If you want to understand how recycling actually works, Adam Minter is a great expert to follow.
Elise Hu (14:33):
Okay, fantastic. Okay. Alright. I have a friend who went and got a certification at MIT, so you can do online school at MIT in the circular economy. So I guess it's sort of similar.
Doree Shafrir (14:45):
Ooh, should I
Elise Hu (14:46):
Get that? Well, I mean it's not too, she has another job and so I don't think it's too taxing on your time. And now I can always
Doree Shafrir (14:57):
Circular
Elise Hu (14:57):
Economy, call her and be like, I need to get a new compost bin. Which one should I get? And how do I participate in this circular economy better? So
Doree Shafrir (15:06):
Yes,
Elise Hu (15:07):
Shout out to my friends Skylar in Texas.
Doree Shafrir (15:10):
Oh, it's part of their sustainability course. Color me. Intrigued. I will be delving into this more. Alright,
Elise Hu (15:21):
Our next one is about color analysis, which is very popular these days. It's been a whole thing in Korea. People when they go to Korea to do their various skin procedures and cosmetic surgeries, they're also getting color analysis because the color analysis is so detailed and now it's like a real global thing. I'm going to read about this in our email. Hi Dory and Elise. I literally just paused the mini up to send you this email first. After years of having one of my college friends bug us all to do color and style analysis after she had it done, we got together for a girl's weekend and a group session with a house of color. This is C-O-L-O-U-R stylist. It was expensive but worth it and a really fun thing to do as a small group. I already had a pretty good sense that I was a winter, but my other friend was an autumn and it blew her mind.
(16:13)
She's already been getting tons of compliments because her skin tone is popping now that she was wearing better colors for her. For me, the style part was the most helpful as I've gained weight in fun new places as I've gotten older and kind of gave up with the whole style thing. During COVID, this was the kick in the ass I needed. I got a style archetype that feels like me, which has given me a framework for shopping rather than just buying what's trendy. During my session, I told my stylist that I always felt schlubby dressing down like everyone else does here in la and she looked me dead in the eyes and said, but you don't have to dress like that. It was therapy. Now I'm getting compliments too, not only because I look more put together, but I have more confidence in how I look.
(16:56)
Some days it's as simple as adding lipstick. Highly recommend. Second, I've done both at home and in office, laser hair removal and liked both. I got the smooth skin one after my sister had success with it and it did a pretty good job on my legs, armpits and bikini line though hormonal shifts caused some regrowth. A couple years later there's a new one from nude. I think that also doubles as a red light therapy device and if I were buying now, I'd probably give that one a try. I did an in-office removal for my forearms recently because that hair was a little finer and those results have also been great. It didn't hurt very much at all. I should note that my dark hair and lighter skin tone do make me a good candidate. You two are the best. Thank you. Thank you. Listener Chelsea.
Doree Shafrir (17:36):
Wow. Okay.
Elise Hu (17:39):
Laser hair removal, still getting lots of advice and recommendations on that front. I have seen nude NOOD that in the home laser hair removal device. Definitely on my Instagram.
Doree Shafrir (17:51):
I feel like that has been advertised to me for sure. For sure. I also love that the stylist said, but you don't have to dress like that. That's very funny. Okay. We also got a voicemail about laser hair removal that I'll share.
Listener Voicemail (18:13):
Hi, I am just responding to the person who was asking about at home laser hair removal. I do have one by bra that I've had for a couple of years. I really love it. I was like, why did I wait so long to do this? They're not cheap, but I do think they're probably significantly cheaper than doing it at a facility. If you're doing most of your body, I did legs, armpits, bikini area. It was awesome, except for if you get lower in the bikini area, my skin does get darker there and I think it just struggled a bit. So that may be something to do in office if you really want it all gone. But for armpits super fast and legs too. I've been really happy. I should say I'm in my late forties. I think my hair is getting thinner over overall, but it was great. Love it. Okay.
Doree Shafrir (19:04):
Okay. I feel like our listeners are definitely on board with at-home laser hair removal, so this is great info. Alright, just one more email before we take a quick break. Listener name's Shaka wrote in to say, just pause the pod on the latest mini app and the person who called in about having sensitive skin and not liking samples. It made me think about something I've been doing for years. I have specific skin and makeup products that I use and don't feel the need to deviate unless I get discontinued. When I'm offered the we samples at the store, I just drum roll, turn them down. I realize this sounds self-evident, but it took me years to realize that I could do that instead of just taking them and throwing or giving them away to people who don't really want them. I have no one to give them to who'd want them. Unlike the collar. If enough people do this, then they'll slow down the useless production of samples. How many times have we all mindlessly just accepted the sample that comes with a purchase? Just because why not? Well, this is why Love you both shaka.
Elise Hu (20:06):
Wow. Yeah. We can just say no to stuff. I know. It's actually speaks to a whole social problem with women. We're socialized to be pleasing. Yeah, I'll take your sample
Doree Shafrir (20:18):
Percent. Thousand percent. Yes. Alright, well we are going to take a short break and when we come back from the break we have a sort of grab bag. We have a grab bag, something about J-Lo movies, jeans, A lot happening.
Elise Hu (20:40):
Yeah.
Doree Shafrir (20:41):
Okay. We'll be right back. Okay, we are back and we got an interesting question from a listener about burnout, so I'm going to read this. Hi Elise and Dory, longtime listener and huge fan here with a question for the Forever35 community on burnout. TLDR. Has anyone successfully recovered from severe work burnout without quitting the job, causing it context? I'm a mom of a four-year-old and a two-year-old who has worked in advertising for almost 15 years. I'm good at what I do and enjoy the team I lead and the work itself. But recently my physical and mental health has taken a rough turn and I'm just now realizing it's the result of severe burnout. RTO return to office mandates a deluge of 24 7 slacks and colleagues Without boundaries, I'm sure others in the community can relate. What suggestions do folks have for setting a new tone in an environment where everyone is struggling with burnout? Is it even possible? I have the privilege of an extremely supportive boss and peers who want to do better, but are stuck in a rut of bad habits. Thanks for all you do, Doreen Elise, this podcast has held me through two pregnancies and postpartum periods plus much more and I'm so grateful for the wisdom of this community.
Elise Hu (22:05):
I also would go to the community on this too because this is a big question about how do you go through the stress or process the burnout without stopping the thing that causes you the stress? And it sounds like there are a lot of positive qualities to the job. Is this a matter of setting some boundaries around your time or around your scope of work? I don't know. Dora, what would you say?
Doree Shafrir (22:39):
I mean, one thing I would say is I think that you can set the boundary with the 24 7 slacks. I would set an automated message to respond to people that you don't respond outside of work hours. I know it sounds crazy, but I think you can do it. I think the change starts with you. You work in advertising with all due respect. This is not something where you need to be working at one in the morning. It's just not like, it's not a life or death situation. I understand people, deadlines going to say, I understand people have projects, but even so, I don't care. It should not be a one in the morning situation. It should not be a 24 7 slack situation. And if people are consistently working overnight, then there's a bigger cultural problem. I just don't think it's appropriate to expect to have to work around the clock. It's just not, again, with all due respect to advertising, I don't think it requires that level of commitment. I just don't. We're not curing cancer here. And even if we were, I wouldn't want you to do it at one in the morning. So this is a hill I will die on.
Elise Hu (24:04):
This is one of those work norms. The advertising industry can be so insane. It's very sort of like youth centric and I totally get it that Rob works in advertising or has, and then my bestie, Liz is a big advertising C-suite person and they just grind you down hours.
Doree Shafrir (24:26):
But it doesn't have to be
Elise Hu (24:26):
That way hours. It's such a work norm for that industry. And so if you're going to stay in it and not leave your job, then a take good care of yourself. Make sure you're engaging in the kinds of activities that help you metabolize stress, whatever it is, whether it's exercise, whether it's connection and maintaining a good strong connection with your loved ones and your colleagues. Whatever it is, take good care of yourself, but then also work within the system to try and set some boundaries for yourself.
Doree Shafrir (24:58):
And I think that one of the boundaries starts with not responding to slacks that come in at one in the morning. It can wait. It can wait. I don't care what it is. It can wait. The other thing that I would say is, I don't know, maybe there is a way to rethink your role. Maybe there's another position at the company that you could take on. Maybe it's this particular role that is really draining. I don't know. I'm just riffing here because you do say that you don't want to quit your job and
Elise Hu (25:42):
You say you have a really supportive boss. So I feel like this is something that you could actually work with the boss on changing some norms around the
Doree Shafrir (25:50):
Office. I agree.
Elise Hu (25:51):
Essentially just say so that it's not just you saying, I'm not going to respond in the middle of the night. You and the boss could together say, alright, we're going to have some boundaries around Slack where after a certain time we will not respect or expect a response.
Doree Shafrir (26:08):
Correct.
Elise Hu (26:08):
Or between the hours of 9:00 PM and the next morning or whatever. Don't expect your colleagues to respond. Set the norm from the top or get your boss to, especially if they are a supportive boss,
Doree Shafrir (26:22):
And maybe take a vacation. Maybe just take a vacation. Maybe you need a reset, but I'd love to hear what other things people do like maybe day to day to have more balance in their work lives. Do you take a walk every day? Do you make sure to eat lunch at your desk? Those kinds of things. What are some things that you do to combat these feelings? I would love to know. Okay, we are just going to read one more text. Very important one, which says, I'm listening to the mini app 4 61 and the conversation about J-Lo movies came up. Again, I meant to send this in previously because I feel so strongly about it. The best J-Lo movie is enough, A lot of suspense and she kicks some serious, well-deserved ass in the end. That's all. Have a great day. I have not seen this movie have you? Me neither.
Elise Hu (27:26):
No.
Doree Shafrir (27:27):
So I'm going to have to take your word for it, but color me. Intrigued. Alright, listeners, thank you so much. And yes, keep those emails and texts and voicemails coming.
Elise Hu (27:42):
We want to hear about burnout.
Doree Shafrir (27:44):
Yeah, definitely. Call or write in if you have any thoughts on anything we talked about this week. All right, we'll talk to you soon. Bye.
Elise Hu (27:49):
Okay, bye.