Mini-Ep 420: Do The Thing
Doree and Elise get some clarity on which hair product to avoid and hear from listeners about the joy of the F35 archive and leaning into being nice to the people around you this season.
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Transcript
*Transcripts are AI generated.
Doree: Hello and welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Doree Schiffer.
Elise: And I'm Elise Hugh. And we're just two friends who like to talk a lot about serums,
Doree: And this is a mini episode where we hear from you, we share your comments and your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability. But please do remember, we are podcast hosts. We're not experts in medical and mental health areas. We're experts in some other things, and we always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Elise: I have one serum update. I have a serum update influence.
Doree: Oh, a d influencing
Elise: Serum. One of our listeners. Yes. Because during one of our recent mini apps, somebody called in to recommend the Trader Joe's hair oil. Said it was really light and not oily and really made their hair soft. And I was really excited about it. So I'm at Trader Joe's this week, and when I find the hair oil, there's actually a hair serum near it. And I wasn't sure which one I was supposed to purchase because I didn't know whether to take hair oil literally, or it was just kind of like some sort of hair treatment. And so I took a pic and I put it up on the Patreon and asked the collar which one it was, and the caller responded to say it is the one that is called hair oil. And then someone else chimed in to be like, do not get the hair serum. It is the worst.
Doree: Oh.
Elise: So just be very careful not to get that is the serum that I'm de influencing the hair serum at Trader Joe's.
Doree: But you didn't actually get the hair serum. You were influenced by a listener.
Elise: Oh, that's right. That's right. I am just the proxy. I'm the proxy for this post.
Doree: Got it. Okay.
Elise: I guess we could just try it out. They don't seem too pricey. I want to say they're under $10, so we could do a little experimentation, see what happens. Totally,
Doree: Totally. Wow. Alright. Well I feel de influenced.
Elise: Well, and while we're on the topic of Hair, Doree has changed her hair. Do you want to update everyone because I can't see you.
Doree: I did post a picture in my Instagram stories, so if anyone follows me on Instagram, they might have seen it. Yeah, I went back to closer to my natural color. I had had blonde highlights for a while and I enjoyed the blonde. It was fun. It was balayage, so I wasn't fully blonde. The nice thing about balayage is it grows out really nicely, so I didn't feel like I looked weird or anything, but also I felt like my hair was getting long. I like long, I'm actually growing my hair out, but the ends were feeling unhealthy and I was just like, I need a haircut and I think I want to go darker. So I saw my hairstylist yesterday and she's never cut my hair before. She's only ever done my color, but I was like, I don't have time or energy to be running around anymore to multiple people.
Elise: I was going to say, wow, you were going to two separate people.
Doree: I was going to separate people. And I was just like, no. And I love, she's great. And we talked about my goals, my hair goals, and I showed her some pictures and she's like, okay, we can do it this way or we can do it this way. And I was like, well, what do you think? And she's like, I think we should do this. And you know what I also love about her is I booked balayage because that's what I've gotten in the past, but I ended up just doing single process color and she just charged me for the single process color. She didn't charge me for what I booked. She was totally cool with that. I didn't even ask. That's just what she charged me. And so I was like, I like you. Yeah. So now I'm just getting used to my new raven haired light. It's very dark. It's quite dark. She said it would lighten up gradually, but right now it is quite dark and I haven't had hair this dark in a really long time, so I'm kind of getting used to it. It looks great. I like it dark. Thank you. The reception seems positive so far, so I'm just rolling with it. And my soul feels darker these days, so it felt like my hair needed to match. And it's fall, right? Exactly.
Elise: Its fall. We have fewer hours of sun now.
Doree: Yes.
Elise: This is the time of year that because there's so much less, there's so many fewer hours of sun. If you want to get a laser facial, you're supposed to get laser facials during this time of year when the days are
Doree: Short. Yes,
Elise: True. It was my hair person that actually reminded me of that because Oh, that's so
Doree: Funny.
Elise: I had asked her, I think in June, I was like, Hey, I want to try a laser facial or one of the Korean Thermage knockoffs because Thermage is so expensive. And she was like, wait, you want to do that in the summer? You can't do that in the summer. And so the other day she was actually at my house and she was like, did you still want to get that laser facial? So pretty great.
Doree: What else is happening with you?
Elise: I am going to have to see an orthopedic surgeon about my arm that still won't make that T lift like a T correctly or without pain from the cycling accident are, yeah, but it's very hard to get in with specialists. So even though it's been almost a month now since we were crashed into a speeding cyclist.
Doree: Oh,
Elise: I haven't gotten it treated. And then when I try to make an appointment, it takes another two weeks. So I don't think I'm going to get in until the beginning of December, but hopefully I'll be all right. I decided to do it because Rob went to get his wrist, which was injured in the same incident. He went and got that looked at yesterday and they were like, you're going to need surgery.
Doree: Oh my God.
Elise: Yeah. Yeah. I really wish we would've gotten that guy's
Doree: Info. I know. I was going to say, I'm even more annoyed. That person just, I still would regret rode off, but you were in shock. You know what I mean? When that kind of stuff happens, it's just like what is happening?
Elise: But yeah, so that's my big health update. Mentally I'm just trying to stay even just talking and venting to a lot of friends.
And then I have a really busy day ahead and I really had the desire to cancel or reschedule my therapist and I decided not to. I was like, you know what? Because I just have a bunch of work piling up and things are behind. Because I was in an all day meeting yesterday and I was like, oh, this is great. I'll just move Jonathan, my Jungian analyst. And then I was like, you know what? No, I actually need to have this hour for myself. I haven't even spoken to him. And even though the work continues to pile up, I think that it's important that we prioritize our mental health when we can. And I have this privilege of him being my therapist for many years. So I'm keeping it. I'm keeping my time.
Doree: Okay. I'm glad you're keeping it. I think that's wise. I also have a couple of voicemails that I want to play before the break.
Voicemail: Alright, this is going to be a little hokey, but I just wanted to bring a little bit of honor to the thing that is Forever35 that has been created. Obviously it's been a rough few days for me, for women, for people, for the planet. It's been a little rough and I don't want to listen to the same daily podcast because it's weird ones that are recorded and they don't know yet. But also I can only pick so much of the like, oh, it's bad. Y'all was perfectly timed and then there were suddenly too many of them. So when I need a podcast and I can't listen to anything recent, I've gone back to the 2018 episodes of Forever35 and just I'm like mentally, I'm like, okay, they're two years into Trump's presidency. Yes, COVID hasn't happened yet, but they're still living and it sucks and we're doing work, but nobody's dead obviously, metaphorically, but well, I feel as if I might've bungled this, so this is awkward, but it was just a cool thing. I'm incredibly high. Okay, the end.
Elise: You did not bun that. It was perfect. It was perfect. In fact, that was just what I needed to hear.
Doree: I really enjoyed this. I sent it to Kate because I was like, she needs to hear
Elise: This. I'm sure she loved it,
Doree: But this really brought me joy. So thank you.
Elise: 2018, thank you. Was when I first found, heard y'all and first heard Forever35 because I don't remember how I stumbled upon y'all, but I really enjoyed one of your very, very early episodes. It was an interview with one of my favorite writers, Mary HK Choi.
Doree: Oh my gosh.
Elise: It had to have been one of your first 10 episodes or something.
Doree: Oh my gosh, that's so funny. It was very
Elise: Early on and I'm like, who are these Doree Kate? It was so long ago. Oh my goodness. I had just moved back to America too, so I didn't really know what the podcast scene was here or anything. Wow. And it was great because y'all talked about being in la and so then I was like, oh
Doree: Yeah, in the same
Elise: Town.
Doree: You're like, who are these cool ladies?
Elise: Yeah, I did think that. And look at us now.
Doree: Yes, I'm sure you did. Wow. That is very cool. We got one other voicemail that I just want to play before we take a break. So here we go. This is kind of on the midlife theme and I just love this so much.
Voicemail: Hi, I'm a long time listener. I just listened to your episode, I think it's 3 28 on midlife, and I had to pause because your conversation about midlife, the question of is this all there is at midlife really, really stuck with me. I'm 41 years old and right before my 41st birthday, I kind of had that moment of like, gosh, is this all there is? And I decided to do a thing I've wanted to do for a million years and I started writing romance novels, which has just sort of been a long time dream of mine. And in the year since I've written, published two books, published two novels, written a third, and I'm in the process of starting the fourth. And it has brought me not just sort of personal joy, but it has also just brought me this space that I think I haven't had really since I got married and had kids.
This kind of carving out a space that belongs to me, it doesn't belong to my husband, it doesn't belong to my kids, doesn't belong to my family, it's just mine. And in the process of publishing and marketing the books and everything, I have discovered this huge, very robust online community of indie romance writers and readers. And I feel like at the age of 41 now, almost 42, I feel like I have found my people. It has just been such a kind of unexpected midlife joy. So I guess the point is just to say I agree with this wholeheartedly and in your forties is the perfect time. I'm going to do the thing that I have always wanted to do, really answer the question for me of is this all there is? And for me the answer is no. This huge beautiful world out there full of friends and people and a tribe I really didn't know I needed. So I guess this is just a little push or encouragement for anybody who's wondering if they could do the thing in your forties to absolutely do the thing.
Elise: Do the thing. How great is that? Yes. How that feels. Awesome. That felt awesome. Now I want to know who this author is so that we can find out about her books. We could do a shout out. I know for the books,
Doree: She just left a voicemails, so I don't even have her name's. Okay. It's a mystery. Yeah. All right. We are going to take a break. And actually this does bring up an interesting point. If you are doing something new in midlife, we'd love to hear about it.
Elise: Yes, call in.
Doree: Call in. Alright, we will be right back.
Elise: We'll be right back.
Doree: All right. We're back. And we had asked people last week or the week before about holiday traditions because someone had written in about how they were going to be just with their family on Thanksgiving and we're kind of wondering what to do. So we got this lovely series of texts from a listener who said, I'm responding to your episode about holiday traditions. We aren't religious, but I wanted to use the holiday season to focus on kindness and little things we can do that are slash were approachable and not huge commitments. When my kids were little, I found this house, I think at Michael's that we call the Kindness House. Every year I fill each day with a folded up piece of paper and occasionally a Hershey's kiss as well with something for the kids to do on that day. I keep the papers from year to year and have adjusted them as the kids have gotten older, but at least I don't have to start from scratch each year.
For example, we used to live near a lake and when the kids were little, we would paint rocks with kind messages and put them around the lake on the path. Another one is to bring a holiday card to their teacher. Another is to let someone else go in front of you in line. My kids are older now 11 and 14, and last year in November, I was starting to think maybe they had outgrown it, but then my 11-year-old said twice, Hey mom, you are getting the kindness house ready. I think especially this year, it'll be a good reminder for our family that even if the country is in shambles, we can still figure out what we can do to make our small community better and have it in our power to be kind such a great way. And they sent a little picture of the Kindness House,
Elise: And it's such a great way to respond to this moment because when we are feeling helpless in the macro scale, we can really lean into each other like our smaller communities and our neighborhoods and our circles. So I love it. That's awesome that your older kids want to do it too. So cool. Especially because the teenage years can be so self-centered for kids developmentally appropriate. Of course, but's awesome that you're maintaining it.
Doree: Totally.
Elise: Okay, the next one is from Jen from the Bay Area. Hi, do and Elise, I just started taking a beginner's tennis class at my local parks and rec program. I haven't played in over 10 years and am enjoying myself, but I need some tennis shoe recommendations. My current shoes aren't cutting it and my feet are just so sore. Just FY. I have flat feet, so if you have racks for tennis shoes with an arch support, it would be helpful. Thanks, Doree. I go to you for shoes on shoe expertise, that's your area.
Doree: Okay. So the thing about shoes is everyone's feet are different and the shoe that I recommend for me might be different than the shoe I would recommend for you. And I also am not a shoe expert, so I can't say these are good for flat feet, these are good for high art. I don't know. So I think you need to go to a tennis store and I can guarantee you that there are tennis stores in the Bay Area because tennis is big in Northern California. Go to a tennis store, talk to them, try on a bunch of tennis shoes, see which ones feel good to you, and go from there. Don't order something online without trying something on first because you might end up with something that is just not appropriate for your feet. So take the time, go to a tennis store and try on a bunch of shoes and please get tennis shoes because, and not running shoes, a really great weight, right? Not running shoes. A really great way to get injured is to play tennis in running shoes.
Elise: You can so easily roll your ankles that way.
Doree: It's like, yes, and it will happen. Maybe it hasn't happened yet, but it will happen. So please get tennis shoes. You can also, I believe you could also play tennis in basketball shoes because they have that ankle support, but I wouldn't recommend it. I would just get a pair of tennis shoes. Okay, that's my soapbox about tennis shoes. Great job. Thank you. Okay, I'll read this next one. Just discovered your podcast and love the episodes and the vibes here so much. I heard on one of your recent episodes you talking about how good and important planking is to health and how if you only do one exercise, planking would be a great choice. However, it's good to note that if you have split abs, also known as diastasis recti, planks, along with sit-ups and pushups are not beneficial exercises for your body and can actually make the splitting of your ab muscles worse. This is a sad slash not sad moment for me as I have split abs and really dislike all these exercises. Anyways, thank you for all you do and for providing such a lovely and inspirational corner of the world for women to gather.
Elise: Okay, good advice. This reminds me one of my besties, Sarah did get split abs after childbirth and she ended up having to get surgery to sort of put her abs back together.
Doree: Yeah, I was going to say, if you have split abs and you haven't talked to a doctor yet, I would do that. Not a doctor, not a medical professional. Right.
Elise: Again, we are
Doree: Not, would medical professional suggest that? Yes.
Elise: Alright, we'll take a break and we'll be right back.
Doree: Okay. We have returned and we have a question for you, Elise.
Elise: Okay.
Doree: This listener writes, over the summer, you mentioned that you were planning on taking one of your daughters to Paris. Did you wind up going, if so, would you be willing to share details about your trip on an upcoming episode? We are taking a family trip to Paris this December with our six and 10-year-old. I'd love to hear about your experience and any advice or recommendations for being there with kids and tweens.
Elise: I'm very disappointed to report that at the very last minute, maybe two or three days before our trip past the point at which I could even reasonably reschedule it and not lose money, I ended up deciding we couldn't go. So Issa and I did not make it to Paris and it's because I had my Ted talk coming up I think the following week, and there was so much travel, it was in Atlanta and there was so much travel before it and then after it, and I was just too stressed out and I was like, you know what? It feels way too indulgent to try and fly to Europe for a long weekend. And Issa was very disappointed and in fact she's been grumpy about it for weeks, for weeks. And then I was actually talking to my ex-husband this morning about how he issa's been grumpy and he was like, she's just feeling like middle child, she's gotten forgotten and we're just really going to have to shore her up.
I feel like the Paris thing is sort of tied into it. So I didn't get to go. Our guest from earlier this summer who wrote a book about living in Paris, moving to Paris, she has a whole section of her list that she sent me about what to do with kids. So I would need to find a place to post that for. I don't know if the Patreon would be the right place, but it has some obvious suggestions and some less obvious ones. So I'm sorry I don't get to vouch for kid places yet because this is going to be rain checked until next summer. Okay. There you have it. Bummer for me. Bummer for Issa.
Doree: Yeah. Alright everybody, we have one more voicemail that I would like to share
Voicemail: Message for. I live in Washington DC and last night, this morning I woke up and I had a notification that somebody came to my door at four 16 in the morning and I thought, oh, was there an Amazon package that was getting delivered? Because sometimes they come super early. Between four and 8:00 AM is the first window and I didn't see a package, so I looked on my doorbell camera and sure enough some man walked up to my door, picked up my old knockoff Birkenstock plastic shoes that I keep there to quickly run to take the trash out or do some room or whatever, sleeping or whatever. Looked at him, grabbed him and walked away. He didn't even leave his own. Rude, rude.
Elise: He didn't leave his own rude. He didn't even leave his own.
Doree: So
Elise: Rude. This whole porch theft porch, shoe theft is happening coast to coast.
Doree: Coast to coast. It's an epidemic. It's an epidemic of porch shoe theft. Mine
Elise: Was technically so watch out everybody. Technically trade. I guess it was a porch shoe swap. I got some really, really nasty old Birkenstock like shoes. That's true. In place of my expensive running shoes.
Doree: Yeah. Well, I'm sorry that that happened to you listener
Elise: And that you didn't get a swap
Doree: And that you didn't even get a swap. I mean,
Elise: What a joke. What does this world come to?
Doree: Elise, do you have any Costco or Trader Joe's recommendations for this week?
Elise: I don't have anything fresh. I just did want to follow up with you on your recommendation last week. I did see the spicy tempura seaweed snack.
Doree: Oh yes.
Elise: Yeah, I haven't bought it yet, but I can confirm that I saw it at my trader. So I'm guessing they have been released nationally.
Doree: They've been released into the wild.
Elise: Yes. Yes indeed.
Doree: Okay. Well keep me posted if you end up getting it because I'm curious to hear your thoughts.
Elise: Awesome. Will do.
Doree: Okay everybody, thank you so much and we'll talk to you next time and we'll talk to you soon.
Elise: Yeah.
Doree: Okay. Bye. Bye.