Mini-Ep 412: Puppy Love
Elise preps for her new puppy and Doree shares a harrowing but low-stakes tale of petty theft before hearing from listeners about improving vocabulary through crosswords, the best dish towel recommendations, how to help a family member struggling with their mental health, and what prods they think a Sephora employee would rec to a certain orange former U.S. president.
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Transcript
Doree: Hello and welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Doree Shafrir.
Elise: And I'm Elise Hugh. And we are just two friends who like to talk a lot about serums,
Doree: And this is a mini episode where we hear from you, we share your comments and your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability. But please remember, we are podcast hosts. We are not mental health or medical professionals, and we always encourage you to seek support first and foremost from one of them if needed. Elise, what is happening?
Elise: Well, by the time this is on the air, I will be a new mom again of a fur baby.
Doree: Oh my God. I was like, wait, what?
Elise: We haven't had a dog in seven years because after the death of our beagle while I was posted in Korea at aged 17, so she lived a long life.
Doree: Oh my gosh.
Elise: After the death of our beagle, I was like, my heart is too tender. My tender heart can't take it. We tend to outlive our pets if we're lucky. So I don't think I can have another dog, but I've continued to have cats and we still have Abe, my black and white farm cat. But after a lot of effort, have finally been able to bring home a golden retriever puppy, and it's a great opportunity for the girls because they don't really remember the Beagle. Luna wasn't even born yet, and Issa was only two months old when Sadie died. And so yeah, we have a family dog. Oh my gosh. So any crate training, potty training, having a toddler in the a fur toddler in the house, tips that y'all have, please call in, write in Forever35 podcast@gmail.com or text us
Doree: 7 8 1 5 9 1 0 3 9 0 or call.
Elise: I need
Doree: All puppy tips. Wow. I can't believe you're going to have a puppy.
Elise: And I might be able to prevent shoe theft from my front porch because the puppy could be just chewing up all our shoes.
Doree: Oh, that's right. You won't have any shoes to steal. That is a good way to stop, shoot theft. Just don't have any
Elise: Shoes back in that world. Right?
Doree: Yeah. Wow. I love this neighborhood. It is a neighborhood mystery. I wonder if you're going to see someone in your neighborhood wearing your shoes.
Elise: I hope not. That would be really hard. I feel like that would be so hard to see.
Doree: Right.
Elise: Because could I ever really be sure whether they're mine too? They're like for sure Nike running shoes, but they were going to bring back the memories of shoes I used to own that were so blatantly stolen off my porch and replaced with whatever shoes the person wore to my house.
Doree: One time after a bar class, someone took a water bottle of mine and it was a nice glass water bottle with a protective thing around that said Buzzfeed on it, which is important later. And I was like, oh, I guess I will never see that water bottle again. I checked the Lost and found it wasn't there. And then a couple weeks later, this girl in the class who I had clocked as having mean face
Elise: Shows up and Pia
Doree: And Pia shows up with my water bottle and a sort of Ren fair looking sticker, a black and silver sticker on it that says, fuck off.
Elise: This is hilarious. This is an episode of Curb Your
Doree: Enthusiasm. Oh, it was insane. I could see peeking out from under the sticker, a little sliver of white of the Buzzfeed logo. She had tried to cover it up with the sticker, and I was like, Hey, I think that's my water bottle. And she got all, you
Elise: Confronted her?
Doree: Oh, I confronted her. I was like, no. I confronted her and I was like, Hey, I think that's my water bottle. I can see the Buzzfeed underneath it. And she just wordlessly handed it back to me and I was like,
Elise: Whoa. She didn't try to deny it,
Doree: But I just thought it was hilarious that she had tried to conceal Cover
Elise: It up, right?
Doree: Yes. Because also there was something else weird about, I think the top was slightly broken. There was something, you know what I mean? Where I was like, this is a hundred percent mime and she knew it. She handed it right back.
Elise: I hope you have that water bottle on display somewhere in
Doree: Your I still do have that water bottle, although now that I'm thinking about it, I haven't seen it in a while.
Elise: Oh,
Doree: So I wonder where it's, did someone else steal it?
Elise: I kept the sticker on. I was going to say, has it been stolen
Doree: Twice? I kept the sticker on because I was like, this is just too good. Anyway, just tales of petty theft.
Elise: This podcast has taken a thematic turn.
Doree: It has really taken a thematic turn, but it's just organic
Elise: To our lives and our life
Doree: Experience. So true. So Elise, recently we heard from a listener who wanted advice on how to improve her vocabulary, which I thought was a really interesting question. That's right. And another listener had what? I was like, oh my God, this is such a great suggestion. So I will just read this text that we got in response to the listener who wanted to improve her vocabulary. My friend recently got me onto doing crosswords. I never really wanted to do crosswords. I just felt like my vocabulary was not ample enough to do the crosswords. But in doing a daily practice and sometimes looking up clues to find new words, I feel like I'm getting better and my vocabulary is expanding. So I just wanted to throw that out. There also teaches me random facts that I can use in casual conversations. Law.
Elise: Fantastic.
Doree: Yeah. Do you do the crossword?
Elise: I do. Not traditionally, but if I'm on a group trip and somebody else is doing it, I will participate. But I am not a regular crossword solver. I do the spelling bee on the New York Times Games app. Spelling Bee is where they give you six or seven letters and then one letter in the middle. You have to make various combinations of words, at least four letters long, and they all have to use the middle letter. What about you? Are you a crossword person?
Doree: I am a crossword person. And I actually do agree with this listener. It does expand your vocabulary, although in very specific and often esoteric ways. I didn't know what a neat tide was before.
Elise: No idea.
Doree: And I still don't really know what it is. Let's see. A moderate tide that occurs when the sun and moon are at a right angle to each other causing the ocean's bulges to partially cancel each other out.
Elise: How is it spelled?
Doree: NEAP.
Elise: Okay.
Doree: A tide just after the first or third quarters of the moon where there's at least when there is the least difference between high and low water. Anyway, anytime a clue about tides comes up in the New York Times crossword, you're like, no, this is neat. Because it's like
Elise: How often do you do the New York Times crossword?
Doree: I try to do it every day.
Elise: Wow. That's great. And when do you make time to do it? Is it part of a ritual?
Doree: It's part of bedtime.
Elise: Okay.
Doree: I get into bed, I write in my one line a day journal, and I do the crossword. And if sometimes I'm so tired that I just fall asleep, basically doing the crossword and then other times I can finish it. We had a woman named Amanda Sitz, I think is her last name on the podcast a year or two ago. And she is this fascinating woman who writes crosswords. And I tried to get her to admit that there are a lot of, are proportionally too many clues about Lord of the Rings and Greek mythology. And she was sort of like she didn't, didn't want to come clean. I'll put it that way. But I have noticed that if I was more familiar with Lord of the Rings trivia,
Elise: Then you would kill it. You would just eat at crosswords. Yeah,
Doree: I would. So anyway, but yes, I loved the suggestion and yeah, do more crosswords. Alright, let's take a little break and we'll be right back.
Elise: We'll be right back.
Doree: Alright, we are back. Elise. We have also been talking about other careers.
Elise: Oh, fantasy other careers.
Doree: Fantasy other careers.
Elise: If we weren't doing what we're doing and just yapping into mics for a living and writing
Doree: And
Elise: Spilling our guts
Doree: Onto
Elise: The page,
Doree: What
Elise: We would be doing.
Doree: And we had talked about like, oh, maybe we should go back to school and become therapists. And then we heard from a therapist who's like, every therapist I know is so burned out and they want to be writers. And I was like, okay, that's a problem. But we did get a very interesting suggestion from a listener that I wanted to share.
Voicemail: Hi, Doree Elise. My name's Veronica, and I'm a longtime listener, and I had my first pause the pod moment just now when you asked for recommendations on career transitions that don't require expensive education. I recently pivoted for my career of 10 years working as a costume maker for ballet theater and opera to become a union electrician. Now, going into the skilled building trades may not be exactly what you guys have in mind for your career transitions, but I still wanted to call in case this information could benefit any of the other listeners all around the country, and especially in major cities, union apprenticeship schools exist and will train you for free in how to become an electrician, a carpenter, a plumber, a brick layer, or any of the other skilled building trades. So if you're somebody that likes to work with your hands and feels like you can do this kind of work and would be interested in it, this is actually a very cost effective career transition for you to make. After a few years, you can be making a six figure salary and all of these union positions include very good benefits and pensions. Additionally, most of the unions have incentive programs for them to recruit more women into these jobs. So I think is a great way for somebody looking for a new career to support themselves and find stability. I hope you guys find this information interesting and I can't wait to listen to more episodes. Bye. Love you.
Elise: I really like the stability part. And then there's such a dearth of women in construction generally. I've heard some Ted talks about this actually in my other hosting role, just that it's an awesome way to get outside to work with your hands, but there's not enough women, there's not enough of a sense of community among women builders. And so I love this. I love this tip. And then also training is often free. Is that what she said? That a lot of the training is subsidized, so that's awesome.
Doree: Yeah,
Elise: I feel really out of my depths when it comes to handy person tasks a lot of times. Oh, totally. Even if it's just tightening my toilet paper or holder in my bathroom, I was just like, I need to fix this, but then I am going to have to watch a YouTube video and figure it out. And I feel as though, because these roles are often gendered, I'm often relying on dudes in my life to do it, but I shouldn't. I could do myself. Gosh, darn it.
Doree: Gosh darn it. Okay. And then we also got a voicemail with just a general sort of perspective on this that I agree with.
Voicemail: Hey, do and E, I just got done listening to the woman talk about the grind of capitalism and how we're all burnt out and how you were saying a lot of people want to in journalism, want to be therapists and a lot of people anyway. You know what I mean? And it really got me thinking about the structure of our society and the way in which it's set up to just set up for burnout. For example, I have a master's in anthropology from a very expensive private school, and I guess you could say I'm an anthropologists and I do policy White House stuff related to my area of expertise, and I've been doing it for 15 years and I've done good. I'm towards the top, but I still have 20 years of work to do before I can retire. And do you know what I would love to do if I won the lottery?
I would do organization. I would walk into people's houses and help them organize their house. Doree, every time you and Matt talk about this on Eggs and Adventure, I just salate get so much joy and satisfaction out of cleaning and organizing my own home that I wouldn't have to work a day in my life if I did that for a living. But I can't, can't just quit. I've got two kids and a mortgage and life I can't quit and start from ground zero. So not that I'm stuck, but I don't know. Our education system is just not set up for that. And it makes me kind of sad because there is something that I think I could get a lot of joy out of and help people with, and I just don't see myself reasonably being able to do it until I retire. And then it would just be a side gig. I dunno. Thank you for listening to me and complaining about capitalism, but that caller just really rung through with me. Alright,
Elise: Thank you for sharing that with us. I bet. Last week's mini up caller is going to spark more thinking and more voicemails on this topic actually, because so many of us feel this way, that there are other ways that we want to spend our time or we don't want to just spend so much of our time at work.
Doree: There's
Elise: Other things that make our hearts happy, but the things that make our hearts happy, don't necessarily pay the bills. I would love to throw parties for a living. I would love to just plan parties and throw parties, but not necessarily for clients. I just want to throw parties. But that's not a job. I mean it's right, but yeah,
Doree: It is. But yeah, I hear you a
Elise: Hard one to get into
Doree: For sure. I mean, also we've been conditioned to think that if you quote work hard, you're a bitter person,
Elise: Right? There's a really good book on all of this actually that I read, I want to say two years ago. I don't know if it's on my shelf, that's why I'm all turned around. It is called Laziness Does Not Exist by Deon Price. If y'all are thinking about career changes or just feeling burned out, this was a great book and it's a pretty quick read. I want to say it's less than 300 pages, but L Laziness does Not Exist by Deon Price.
Doree: I love
Elise: That. Is my book Rec on this topic?
Doree: Alright, do you want to tackle this next one?
Elise: Yes, but it comes with a trigger warning so it concerns topics of self-harm and suicidal ideation. Those of you who might be sensitive to these topics, just giving you a heads up. Hi, Doree Elise. I need help figuring out how to help my 15-year-old nephew who has been struggling with depression for several years. I have a close bond with this nephew, even though we don't get to talk or see each other regularly anymore. He has struggled a lot with mental health issues growing up, but things have gotten very difficult in the last three to four years. In that time, he has been hospitalized three times because of suicidal thoughts, the last being this past week, which was particularly scary because he harmed himself. My question is how do I help? I have a full-time job and don't live close to my nephew. So as much as I wish I could, I cannot go visit him regularly or offer to help care for him when he gets home from the hospital.
I'm really at a loss for how to help beyond just reaching out and letting him know that I love him and am here for him. I would love to have something tangible I can do to make sure he knows this rather than just saying the words. I feel extremely guilty that I have not been keeping up communication with him recently with both of our lives getting busy. So I know this is something I need to work on too. Do you or the community have any thoughts as to what more I can do here? I don't want to overwhelm my nephew or my brother and sister-in-Law with this question because I know they're obviously dealing with a lot. Sorry for the heavy topic, but I just know that this community is always so supportive and compassionate. Any advice would be appreciated.
I also know that we have, first of all, thank you for your letter. Thank you for your question. And this is a community call out. So those of you who have some experience and have some thoughts, please call in and write in and text. This is one of the questions which of course our caveat at the beginning of these episodes applies to. We are not medical or mental health experts. We are podcast hosts. And so obviously we do have some mental health experts among our crowd. And if you are hearing this question and want to weigh in, please do call us, text us email. Doree, what was your first reaction?
Doree: My first reaction is reaching out and letting him know that you love him and are here for him is really important. And also, I do feel like this is slightly above my pay grade and I don't want to weigh in a way that could potentially be damaging. So I am going to check out of responding to this question I think and open it up to people who might have actual expertise in this area.
Elise: Yeah, that feels right. That feels right though. I will say that I know you have been reluctant to overwhelm your brother and your sister-in-Law, but for a similar situation in my extended family, I know it means a lot to the parents to have people to talk to and have people reach out to the parents too. So I would check in and ask your brother and sister-in-Law how you can help every once in a while. I mean, obviously don't pester them or anything, but it does mean something because they're going through, this is a family unit of course. So it's not just happening to your nephew, it's happening to all of them and they're all part of a system. And so to the extent you can be supportive to the parents, I think that's the right instinct.
Doree: Yeah, I mean, I think also the idea of ring theory. You're not supposed to ask for help from people who are closer to the person struggling than you are. You're supposed to go outwards. So this person is asking us for advice. They're not asking the nephew himself or the parents. All right. Yes, please weigh in everyone if you have thoughts. And we are going to take another short break and we'll be right back. Okay, we are back. We got a text that says, if you all were working at Sephora and former President Trump rolled in, what products would you recommend to make him look like? Less of a nightmare, better makeup, eye makeup, prods for his puffy eyes, et cetera.
Elise: There's professionals around him who have advice and products are him. He just doesn't listen. The issue with that guy is he's such a narcissist. He's not going to take any advice. Nobody who's like, Hey, you don't have to wear your hair that way. You don't have to put that much bronzer on or whatever his skin covering is. Nobody's listening to him or no,
Doree: He's not listening to anybody. He's not listening to anyone. He's
Elise: Not listening to anybody. So I think maybe my advice would be to strip down, actually not strip his clothes down, but strip. That's disgusting. Actually take the gunk off his face and just start from a blank canvas because how long has he been wearing that orange stuff? It's been at least a decade. I don't even know what his natural skin color is, but it's got to be better than the coverup. It's got to be, I don't care if it's super pale and he looks like Casper the ghost, he would still look better than what he's doing now. Dora, what would your advice be?
Doree: I mean, lay off the self tanner. Lay off the bronzer and then I would just be like, okay, bye. I wouldn't want to go into too much detail with him. You know what I mean?
Elise: Yeah. He's kind of beyond product recommendations and help.
Doree: Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
Elise: Also, do you want to help this guy?
Doree: Right. That's what I mean. Larger philosophical question. That's what I mean. I think as an employee, I would probably get fired if I was just like, I hate you, I can't help you. So I would want to at least appear as though I were helping him, I guess, but not really help that much. Alright, we have on a different topic. We have a voicemail, someone needing some recommendations.
Voicemail: Hey, Doree and Elise, this is Krista longtime Canadian listener and I just wanted to call in as I'm prepping lunch for my kid come home from school. I'm wiping down the counter from this morning's breakfast and I just wondered if you gals or any of the community have a wreck for me on a dishcloth. I hate smelly dishcloth. I tend to have a whole pile of dishcloths and just use lots and wash them in the washing machine. But I really am in need of like, this is the best dish cloth and you can wash it and reuse it and it doesn't get all weird and crusty in between washes or disintegrate. It doesn't smell just a little help from a busy mom. Love the pod you guys. Thanks.
Doree: Do you have dish towel res?
Elise: I actually need some, as I'm listening to this voicemail, I'm thinking to myself. Yeah, you're right. My dish towel sucks.
Doree: Alright, we're opening up the floor for dish towel Rex, let us know
Elise: Our voicemail and text number 7 8 1 5 9 1 0 3 9 0.
Doree: Hit us up. Alright, one last crucial voicemail.
Voicemail: Hi ladies. I found out yesterday some more details about who I'm sure is a very nice lady that my recently widowed father is now seeing, and I obviously have all of the feelings, but he is happy and I want him to be happy. However, I am now eating my feelings in the form of Trader Joe's Korean food, the rice balls with a fake meat. It makes me so happy the turn me on to them. Have a great day. They're all doing a great job.
Elise: They come in packs of three, right?
Doree: Yes.
Elise: They're in my freezer right now.
Doree: I find this number frustrating, to be honest. Why?
Elise: Three?
Doree: I don't know. I guess
Elise: Things come in three. It's kind of biblical and all. But yeah, they come in packs of three. It's called Juma bop, and they're in the frozen food section usually near the kimchi. So get in on that.
Doree: All right. One just last note, I do have a Costco wreck.
Elise: Yes.
Doree: The Farini Italian butter. It comes in packages of three logs. It's unsalted delicious butter. It is so good. I think this was originally a wreck from the OG butter queen herself, Kate Spencer. Yes, it is delicious. Where do you find it? In the refrigerated aisle with the other butter
Elise: And
Doree: Dairy
Elise: Things. With the other butter. Okay. With the other butter,
Doree: Okay. But it's really good. It's really, really good. So that is my Costco wreck of the week.
Elise: Yay.
Doree: All right, thanks everyone. Well,
Elise: Thanks do, yeah, and thanks everyone. Thanks
Doree: Elise.
* Transcripts are AI Generated.