Episode 322: Relying On My Group Chats with Delia Cai
Doree and Elise are overjoyed to introduce the very online Delia Cai to the podcast! They discuss the resurgence of speed dating, how hard it is to find one reliable place to hang out online, where she goes to hear the pop culture hot takes she needs, and the surprising popularity of hating on karaoke, goldendoodles and more.
Photo Credit: June Kim
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Transcript
Doree: Hello and welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Doree Shafrir
Elise: And I am Elise Hugh, and we are two friends who like to talk a lot about serums. I'm excited about today's episode. I want to catch up and we certainly will, but I got to say I'm super excited about our guest today, Delia Cai.
Doree: Go on.
Elise: I am an elder millennial, so I'm a little older than today's guest who is firmly in millennial, squarely in the middle of the millennial generation, but we share a lot in terms of coming of age online, and then this generation really inventing social media that is now creating addiction and destroying democracy and all these things. And I feel like our conversation today really is a reflection of that and an interrogation of being extremely online, which I always find
Doree: To be
Elise: Interesting.
Doree: I like this analysis. I like this.
Elise: It's a lot of irreverence and fun stuff too, so I don't want to be too high minded about this.
Doree: And I overlapped at Buzzfeed. I didn't really know her. We were on different teams. She's a lot younger than me. She's 10 years younger than you, but she's 15 years younger than me. So when we worked at Buzzfeed, I think she was in her mid twenties and I think she worked out of New York and I was in la, so I didn't really interact with her that much, but I was such a fan of her writing. She was just one of those people who you were like, oh, you're really smart and you understand the internet in a way that a lot of people just don't kind of to your point. And she also launched a newsletter called D'S Links that is just so delightful.
Elise: Delia first came into my consciousness through her newsletter because she was writing a newsletter back before Substack was maybe even invented. Yes.
Doree: Yeah, she was writing on Tiny Letter.
Elise: Okay. And I just remember her voice being so sharp and somewhat and very observant and witty. I'm just really glad that we got to just talk to her and see where her mind's at and how she's catching up and keeping up with the flood of headlines and news now that we're all in various silos and group chats of our own, there is no one place where everybody hangs out anymore. Media used to hang out on Twitter a lot.
Doree: Yes.
Elise: And now Twitter has basically ceased to exist or ceased to exist in a way that's useful and she reflects on that. We are at this moment where it's hard to figure out where to hang out and we are in far more fragmented online communities.
Doree: Yeah, totally. We're talking about Delia before we kind of caught up, but I want to catch up a little bit because you shared this on the Patreon casual chat. You shared some more stuff about how things are going with the pup on the Calo chat, but I thought maybe the catch our other listeners up about
Elise: That. That's right. We have a two month old, I guess almost three month old by the time this airs puppy. It's a golden retriever we have named Oscar. He's just such a sweet boy. He's a sweet boy and we brought him to the school drop off this morning and all the kids were just like, oh my goodness. He's like a stuffy because he is very in that's in that he's
Doree: Like a stuffy,
Elise: Right? He's in that soft fluffy phase of his puppy hood
Doree: And
Elise: He's doing really well. I mean, I'm a little sleep deprived because of zero Hour, which I've already complained about, but I'm further sleep deprived because he gets up even earlier than the girls. He's been getting up at 5 45 to go out and it's still dark out.
Doree: He's a
Elise: Baby, right? He's a baby. He's a little baby. He's a baby. I have run into some parents that drop off who are like, you could not pay me a million dollars to go back into newborn faith.
Doree: As I have said, I am with them. I admire what you are doing immensely and could never do it myself. I mean, look, if someone was like, you have to take this puppy or it will die, I would be like, okay, I'll take this puppy, but my choice would be to not take the puppy. But I think it's very cool, and I should say not we. Elise posted a picture of the pup on Patreon, which reminds me that our sale on our Patreon memberships is still going on. You can get an annual membership for 15% off. This is going to be going through our official relaunch, so just a couple more weeks, so get in on that sale. You can save 15%.
Elise: Okay. And relevant to our conversation with our guests today.
Doree: Yes,
Elise: There are just so many different places to hang out online and I have found Patreon to be a great home to hang out with the Forever35 community.
Doree: So
Elise: We have a running chat. We're putting up monthly chat threads specifically on pop culture and your recommendations for each other. There's very lively comments and a really engaged community when we put up posts. Doree and I are sharing some behind the scenes things like we shared just a selfie of us after we were all made up for our recent relaunch photos that we were doing to freshen up our website. So there's so much going on there and since there isn't one central place for the monoculture to hang out with us and the Forever35 community on patreon.com/forever three five, why not?
Doree: Why not? Go do it. Alright, well Elise, should we get to our conversation with Delia? We shouldn't keep people waiting any longer, I feel like.
Elise: Yes. Yes. And we talked a little bit about her bio, but currently she's a writer and editor living in New York previously the senior vanities correspondent at Vanity Fair. So she covered celebrity and culture and recently this summer we talk a little bit about this in the conversation she published the Viral Hate Read Pop-Up newsletter, which you can read about in the New York Times. It is so good. And her debut novel Central Places was named as one of the Today show's best new books of 2023. Now Nylon thinks she's a lit it girl.
Doree: She's a lit it girl. And before we get to Delia, just a reminder that on our website Forever35 podcast.com, we have links to everything we mention on the show. We are also on Instagram at Forever35 podcast. Again, our Patreon is at patreon.com/forever three five. We have our favorite products at Shop my us slash forever three five, and we also have a newsletter that comes out every two weeks, Forever35 podcast.com/newsletter. And if you want to call or text us, that is at 7 8 1 5 9 1 0 3 9 0, and you can email us at Forever35 podcast@gmail.com.
Elise: Yay.
Doree: Thank you. Alright, here is Delia. Welcome Delia to Forever35. We are so excited to have you on the show.
Delia: Thank you. I'm so excited to be here.
Doree: Yay. We like to start off by asking our guests about a self-care practice that they have, and we've been sort of qualifying this lately because self-care has kind of developed this other connotation, I think over the past few years that we've been doing the show, but basically just anything that you are doing right now just to make yourself feel good.
Delia: I mean, I think this over the past year or so, I turned 21 or not 21, I turned 31 in March.
Doree: I was like, wow,
Delia: You really are a prodigy so much with your career career. Yeah. I think in my head I was like, oh, forever. Forever 21. I turned 31 in March and I feel like around then was when I realized, oh, I got to stretch in the morning, which sounds so probably of course, but at first I was in denial about it. I was just like, I don't know. I do feel so much better whenever I even just take five minutes to stretch, but surely I don't have to do this every day. And now I've come to terms with just like, yeah, I think it's every day and it takes a few minutes, but it really does make a difference. Yeah.
Elise: How did you learn to stretch? Were you an athlete? Oh no. Do you just stretch? I
Delia: Watch a lot of Instagram videos. Yeah. It's not an exact science, but I think I just am going off of, oh, stuff hurts now. So just maybe address that first thing. I relate to that. Yeah,
Doree: It
Delia: Doesn't get better. I hate to
Doree: Bear
Delia: Bad.
Doree: News's begin really
Elise: Well, we wanted to talk with you because you are so online and really came of age during web two, which is what I think the social web is now called. We'd love to know how you've evolved as a writer and just as a human being on these platforms, especially as they've become worse and worse they've become in ified as the term goes.
Delia: I've been thinking about this a lot because I think now I'm just writing my newsletter and doing a lot of freelancing and so the need to be plugged in, it hasn't changed, but I think especially since Twitter started devolving, I've felt a little bit like crazy where I'm just, it feels harder and harder to feel like what is the conversation happening or what's going on? It truly feels almost like learning how to use these tools and then they're kind of dissolving in your hands and then you're just like, well, what am I supposed to cut the wheat with? So I feel a little, even now I just feel a little bit despairing because I think really the answer now is like, oh, I've just been reading a ton of newsletters, but there are so many that even sifting through that feels, it just feels like reading Twitter, but everything is so long anyway, and so I've been trying to figure out where do you limit the cutoff?
You could just be reading endlessly. I just thought I'd be better at figuring out, oh, if you just pay attention to these people or outlets, that's probably all you really need. But at the same time, I think the sense of just I'm always catching up is that hasn't gone away in a way, but I think maybe when I was younger I was just like, oh, this is just how it is. I'm never going to read anything. And maybe I was less, I just kind of accepted that. I was just like, well, I'm just the baby.
Doree: I think there is an actual answer to this, which is the development of the endless scroll. I remember when Buzzfeed, when I was working at buzzfeed and they introduced the endless scroll or the infinite scroll to their homepage, and there is no end to it. It is infinite. It just keeps going. Whereas in the older internet, you would go from page to page and there was this sense that things were more finite, and now it's just like, Nope, you can just keep going.
Delia: That there could even just be a break between, okay, now I have to click something else. Exactly. Whereas now you just sit there and scroll. But
Elise: I think you speak to a really important new limitation after post the Hellscape that Twitter became, because even if there was an endless scroll on Twitter, it seemed to be kind of a central place, at least for certain very online people in the media. So there was kind of a convening place and now there's not one single place where everybody hangs out and none of the alternatives seem to fit that bill. Nobody's going to all the parties. So what are you doing beyond reading a ton of newsletters that you can't finish?
Delia: In some ways, my views have shrunk a little bit because I,
It's impossible to keep up with social media. It's almost just as hard to read everything that comes in my inbox. And so I've kind of recently just tried to be like, if you can flip through each copy of the New Yorker and New York Mag that you get, and then you just keep up with your group chats, that's probably good. That's its own sort of self-selecting. If my friends are actually talking about something, I think it's almost like we're relying on each other. We're kind of farming it out of just like, okay, let's just talk about what's made it through the membrane to us. And I think we're all just kind of, did you remember anything you looked at this week? And that almost, I think has been its own sort of threshold of just like, oh, if it really stuck with you there then and now too, I think I'm realizing like, oh, now I'm taking those recommendations really, really seriously. Whereas maybe before I've been like, oh yeah, I'm sure I'll come across that book review and now it's like, link it to me now I got to take this seriously.
Doree: So we're just going to take a short break and we will be right back.
Elise: You've also recently left your job at a magazine where you were writing. You were at Vanity Fair for a while. So how does it feel now that you're out of traditional media, the TRA media, if you'll and no longer working for a single institution?
Delia: It's so funny, I didn't realize how much of, I've only worked for Trad Media before this year. I was at Atlantic Media and The Atlantic at first, and then I was at buzzfeed, and then I was at Vanity Fair for a few years and I kind of forgot just how much of your brain is dedicated to just tracking kind of internal politics and what's going on with the company. You had to, and sometimes it was really fun,
Elise: But also a psychological
Delia: Tax. Oh yeah. Yeah. That was definitely a huge part of the job was just paying attention to what was going on and seeing who felt this way about what, and in some ways, I miss having stuff to talk about with just people that you see every day that's kind of just like, oh, you feel like you're on a team and you're on some kind of mission together, but it is very strangely smooth brained to wake up in the morning and not really, and just feel a little bit like, oh, I don't need to figure out what's going on in this meeting that may or may not have consequences for me. Just that kind of almost this filtering or selective listing where you're just trying to figure out at all times, what does this change? What does this new hire mean for me? Because now it's really just, oh, I wake up and I look at my various spreadsheets and it really is just, it almost shrinks down the worldview a bit of just like, okay, how are we going to just do the really basic parts of the actual job and not so much worry about, I dunno, where is the company headed in Q4?
Because I don't know if that was ever useful to know about, but it felt like
Doree: That actually brings me to something else I wanted to talk to you about, which is, you mentioned this in a recent issue of your newsletter Dee's links that a recent LA Times piece on age gap friendships made you think about how, and I'm quoting you now, how remote work and the societal tilt toward contract slash gig slash freelance work have almost totally dissolved the workplace as a source of intergenerational bonding. Where to find our elders now out on TikTok as they attempt the Apple dance depressive. So I just think it's interesting that we're sort of highlighting these two polls of being in the office. There are definitely things that I don't miss from being in an office, all the weird politics and all the pointless meetings and the commute and all those things, but there are these intangible things that I think sometimes we don't really think about these intergenerational friendships that you bring up. So I, I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on that. What has the shift to remote or hybrid work, how has that kind of changed this generation's, I guess, view on work? How has it changed their experience?
Delia: I don't know. I feel like this is just one of those things that it's going to be like, this was such a huge shift and writing through it every day, it feels so normal, but I do think especially in 10, 15 years, you're going to be like, whoa, that is a huge, huge, just break in this decade song tradition.
I mean, I've been thinking about it because at Vanity Fair, we were still going in the office at least once a week. I think I was trying for twice, and I would notice just what a different almost body it felt to sort of be like, okay, first thing in the morning you get up and you go to the office. And then just the way I remember holding myself all day of just to not be taking a little 10 minute nap every few hours on the couch was definitely a bummer. But it felt like being in the world in a way that I think, I live in a little apartment in Brooklyn by myself, and I've kind of described my apartment to people where I'm like, it feels like my apartment and my brain feel one and the same where it's really just me in here most times and it feels so cozy and safe.
But also I think there are just some days where I just feel so unattached to reality because of it. The thing is, it's so funny to glamorize the idea of being in an office and just hanging out or killing time because you weren't allowed to go home yet because that was so miserable, but it was kind of just hilarious to sort of be somewhere but not feel like you have to be juicing this place or this location for all the whatever social or productive hours that you had to do. I feel like now even if I go to a coffee shop, I'm like, I got to get all this stuff done so I can meet up with my real friends later. Or when I'm with friends, it's like, this is our sacred social time and we have to really get our money's worth. Whereas we were at the office and it was just like, well, we're here anyway. It doesn't matter what we're doing. You don't have to just be firing in all four cylinders
To be in some place. You can kind of just hang out. And I mean, I'm really thinking a lot of the Buzzfeed days where that was just so the perfect place to be just chilling in a big office with a ton of other people hanging out who had the time. I do wonder, it just sort of feels like time becomes more compartmentalized where it's like, now here's my work time, here's my social time, here's my errands time. Versus maybe sort of a more looser concept of time even where it's just like, well, I'm at the office anyway.
Elise: Yeah, there's this sense that you have to optimize your units of time when your home is also your workplace, and then your workplace only serves a function if your workplace is still a physical office. It really only serves a function as a workplace now because people don't go to the office every day consistently in many workplaces. And so it's like you go and your colleagues aren't even there necessarily.
Delia: Yeah, you're zooming with them and then you're like, well, what is this?
Elise: Right. Well, on this topic of meeting up and how people are meeting up, it's come up a few times in our conversations over the course of the summer about how dating apps are kind of over and Gen Z's wanting to meet in real life speed dating is coming back up again as you are observing it. What is the landscape like now for meeting, and whether that's meeting people for friendships or meeting people for more romantic prospects going forward?
Delia: I feel, I mean, this could definitely be a bias towards living in New York and I don't know, living in Brooklyn, but I've sort of seen a really concerted effort around the middle ground. I think we used to think it was going to be either the apps were the answer for everything, or it was, or these more almost, I don't know if institutional is the right word. I just remember my early times going to lot of just these sort dig day, happy hour events, sort of these, my God sponsored
Elise: In DC we had Fishbowl dc
Delia: Yeah, yeah. These sort of meetups where it's like, but I don't actually, I don't know who's throwing this. I don't know anyone who's going. It's kind of a desperate Sure. And I feel like there's kind of now an interesting middle ground where it's like my friend Eliza works at this bar in Fort Green and she started hosting single nights, singles nights, and the way that she's sort of been promoting is she just texts all of us and she's like, come hang out with me, bring a single friend. And I think that is just so much more comfortable, the middle ground of like, well, my friend is doing this, and there's sort of more of a second first degree connection here versus just it's either sort of fishing from a pool of strangers. I think I'm seeing that. My friend Anne, she's at Conde Nast and runs Dean Vogue and them's video team, and they also have this Gen Z newsletter vertical called Mixed Feelings, and they've been hosting these really fun speed dating nights and readings. And so I think people are gravitating more towards these almost, I mean, grassroots, I guess just sort of these things of like, oh, my actual friends are doing things and hosting things, and this is where people are going to gravitate, versus it has to be some big giant
Elise: Production
Delia: Festival or production. I think people are figuring out, oh, maybe it used to feel a bit lame to go to your roommate's comedy standup when you're like 23 and now we're all, you're speaking Lisa's language loves going beginner stand nights. Oh my God. I mean, that's so brave. But I think now we're sort realizing maybe when you first moved to New York and you see stuff like that, you're like, oh, that's so cringe. And now you're like, no, you got to a go support your friends and also just go to these things. Nothing better.
Doree: This is a total aside that we don't need to go off on a tangent of, but I do find, I guess the renaissance of Speed dating to be so fascinating because it was such a eighties cliche, desperate thing that people did. And now I think people are like, oh, kind of to your point there is, it's so efficient. Yeah, it's efficient, but it's also connective. You're not sitting there swiping through an app for hours. I dunno. I think with
Delia: The speed dating thing and also the sort of run club discourse, I think there's just this relief of like, well, if this person's here, they at least have the intention of getting out of the house. If they care enough to be here, you're already more interesting to me. Yeah, a thousand
Elise: Percent. I have a friend in Philly whose friend also owns a bar, and they are hosting Pitch a Friend Nights where you basically make a deck for your single friend and then five people a night will go up with their deck and pitch their friend to the rest of the crowd. So even if the people who are being pitched aren't the people who end up meeting their partner or their date or somebody to have sex with that night, there's a room full of single people who have come out to, and they express the presentations is to meet
Delia: Someone. Yes.
Elise: So it's so much fun. If I had a bar, I would totally start that. I just feel like, how fun, and you should open
Doree: A barleys, you'd be a great
Elise: Bartender. What a dream I saw in Fast Company that you're starting a whole new advice column. Tell us a little bit about that and what kinds of questions you're answering, what kind of advice you're giving Delia.
Delia: So I started this column with my friend Steffy T, who I worked with at Buzzfeed. We were on the same team, and she was always my Gen Z sort of whisperer. The one who's like, this is what a 0.5 selfie is,
Elise: 0.5.
Delia: And we stayed close and just would joke about the differences between even just, I think she's five years younger than me. It's really not a huge difference, but even that difference is enough to be like I was at we at some party and she brought her digital camera, but she was like, oh, this is from when I was in middle school. I dunno how to use it anymore. You look like you would know how to use this. I was like, I mean, I do. I think I had the same exact one. But yeah, we started doing this column for the Fast Company because we just, this is just something we love talking about where it's like, sometimes I'll ask her, do you think DMing someone, this is weird. And she'll so funny the way sometimes her opinions are totally different than mine, where we'll just discuss, is this a weird thing?
Is this how you do it? And then she'll be like, I think that's super weird. Whereas as a young millennial, I'm sort of like, no, I think that's super normal. And so it's just even seeing that tiny micro difference in our opinions, it just became something we love to talk about. And so I think for FastCo, we wanted to tackle some of just these bigger questions around what should feel like maybe codified etiquette online, but that we have noticed that there are nuances around and there are differences between, well, it depends who you're talking to. And so it's been a really good place for us to just work out some of these differences and try to understand what, try to even develop a framework for ourselves, how to behave online and how to address awkward situations.
Elise: What have you settled on? What are some rules or some absolute no-nos that you have actually agreed on?
Delia: I mean, when we had this one really great question early on that was that we both addressed where it was, how should we think about, I think the question was, do I keep posting my croissant breakfast even when Global War and Catastrophe is going on? What are the ethics of that? Isn't that cringe? And she and I had this conversation that ended up playing out in the column where we're just don't think it's cringe anymore. I think we used to feel maybe especially during periods of very heightened news, say the summer of 2020, the summer of 2020 with all the George Floyd protests. And I remember even then it was like, oh, if you're not exclusively posting or talking about these protests and in the news, do you risk seeming shallow or out of touch? And how has that changed maybe since then, or has it not changed? And so that was an interesting conversation. I think with her, she was sort of, I don't think Gen Zers have ever thought that was, gosh, to sort just keep posting because it's like, well, life goes on. You still have to eat breakfast, why not post it? And I was sort of working out a little bit of, I think millennials have a little market baggage where it's like, you're not used to just being on a 24 7 twitch stream almost.
Elise: And
Delia: So the idea of, but I have to make my, I think millennials still are hung up on this idea of, oh, my posts on social media. It's like the statement for the day day. And it's like, no, no. I think now it's just very much everyone's come to the acceptance of, we all contain multitudes. We can care about what's going on in the news. We can also care about like, oh, my sandwich looks really good. And I think that's fine now. And I don't think it always was.
Elise: Okay, let's take a break and we will be right back.
Doree: Can we talk a little bit about your hate read series? Oh
Delia: My God, yes. I missed it so much, such a nice month.
Doree: It really made a splash in a way that I feel like a lot of written stuff just doesn't, anymore. People don't talk about things in the same way that they used to. And hate reads was really something that I saw a lot of people talking about. Every time you published one, it was just, people just exploded. And so I'd love to hear just a little bit more about the origin of it. Did you expect it to blow up the way it did? Did you get a million pitches for it? How did you decide which ones to publish?
Elise: I learned to hate a lot of things that I didn't previously hate through this series. Totally, totally. Some of the arguments were really persuasive, and I was like,
Yeah,
You're right.
That's
Irritating. So anyway, well tell folks what it is and how it came about and all that.
Delia: I mean, so hate read it was what I really wanted to do was when I was waiting to be laid off, I was like, oh, I want to make a zine. Especially, I was talking to a bunch of other friends at Conde Nast who were also just kind of sitting around. And so I remember I had lunch with Chris, guy Molly from gq, and I was just like, I have three zine ideas. And one of them that I told him was, I was like, I want to do just anonymous reviews of things. And he was like, that's funny, you should do that. But I remember feeling, well, I don't know how to make a, I don't have Photoshop anymore. It was these really logistical things. And then I was like, well, maybe it doesn't have to be a zine. It can just be a newsletter and you publish one a day and you just try to see if you can. My goal definitely was, I want to see if we can still make something viral on Twitter. Maybe not in the same way it used to be, but I was just sort of, I think one of my questions was like, are we still seeing even the same Twitter? And I wanted to see if you could actually influence it and have other people see things that you're making if you're not Sabrina Carpenter.
But I wasn't sure how it was going to work. And so I just reached out to a bunch of friends in February, January, February where I was like, I have this idea. I think I wrote this email as a bit like your mission, because I was just like, we should be able to hate on things without getting, I love that torched on Twitter by Stan. And so I just invited all my friends to pitch me things, and then I think we got 15 or so essays from there, and I was like, this is good. Let's just launch it. And then over the course of it's launch, people started a emailing me back,
Elise: But
Delia: Also pitching me some really good ones. And yeah, it was interesting. If I could go back and redo it, I would've done the essays in a different order, but I didn't know how many I was going to get, and I wanted it to make a splash. But it's funny because there's one, I look back and I'm like, you put a mean one up really soon, and maybe you could have saved that for the end when people had kind of gotten a little bit of froth going. But I think interesting. Yeah, so it was a bit uneven, but surpris
Elise: Some of the things that people hated, because I remember towards the end, somebody wrote an essay about hating hate read.
Delia: Oh, yeah, yeah, meta. I was so meta. Someone pitched me that, and I was like, that's the perfect way to end it, because I was going to end it on just, I hate succession because at that point I was just trying to figure out what's the thing that people are going to be most mad about? But someone did. I really liked the one that was like, I hate Goldendoodles, because I just thought that was a funny thing where I was like, yeah, we're all seeing this kind of dog everywhere. There's something a little uncanny about it. Let's make the case against Golden Doodles.
Doree: Yeah, there's a Golden Doodle backlash. I know multiple people who have golden doodles who are, these dogs are insane, and no one talks about it, so you're onto something.
Delia: But I was thinking about just the really specific gripes I would read on Jezebel or Gawker. One of my favorite blog posts of all time was Gia Tolentino making fun of the Milkshakes, the really extra milkshakes that I think Chrissy Tegan popularized, or it was just the milkshake with the cotton candy and the Snickers bar and all this shit on top of it. And she just wrote this really funny scree against it that was just like, I think she was, think of every fun, enjoyable sex act you've performed. Would you want them all to happen at the same time? No, that's too much. You guys all need a con Marie. You're like dessert life. It was just so funny, the idea of kind of this, well-reasoned, impassioned screed against something that ultimately doesn't matter, but it's just one to kind of be like, yeah, I do think these suck. So I kind of wanted to channel that energy.
Elise: Well, let's flip it as we wrap things up, Delia, I'd love to know what you're super excited about, what you love, what you will defend to the ends of the earth
Delia: In the culture
Elise: In general, in the culture or in general? I mean, if you really like long naps, sure. I mean, we want to know that about
Delia: You. I mean, I was just thinking about this thing where I was like, honestly, I think I'll be on Twitter until the end. I just don't have, I really admire all of everyone who's just been like, I just don't want to be on Elon Musk's playground anymore. That's totally fair, very reasonable. Probably the smart choice. And I just think there's a part of me that's just like, I really came of age getting on Twitter sophomore year in college and immediately plugging into the mainframe, and I can't really picture an internet or being in media without it. And so I will never get off.
Doree: I love this. Maybe you'll have another series of controversial things that people love, such as Twitter. I want to do heat reads season two. Yes, please. I want to do it. Tee that up. Tee that up. I would love that. Well, Delia, where can our listeners find you? Subscribe to your newsletter, read your advice column, all the things.
Delia: I mean, des links.com is where you can find my newsletter, which pretty much plugs, excuse me, everything else. I'm still on Twitter and will be forever as Delia Cai. Yeah, those are my two. You got to stick with two, I think.
Elise: Okay,
Delia: Fantastic.
Elise: Delia, it was such a delight to talk to you. Thank you so much for coming on.
Delia: Oh, thank you for
Elise: Having me.
Doree: Well, that was Delia. She was great.
Elise: Yep.
Doree: Now, Elise, let us now enter the intention zone.
Elise: The intention zone. We need sound
Doree: Effects. We really do need sound effects. We always used to say that. Yeah. And we just never got sound effects, but we really need some sound effects.
Elise: I want a marimba or something.
Doree: Right,
Elise: Exactly. We need a Roomba. I'm just going to get a xylophone, one of those, baby Fisher-Price xylophones and be like D. Oh my God. Now we're in the intention zone.
Doree: Yes. I love that. Let's do that.
Elise: How did you do on last week's intention?
Doree: I got to say I did pretty well. Awesome.
Elise: Even with the mom retreat you were at, because weren't you staying at a campground?
Doree: Yeah, but I wasn't in the sun. I didn't do the field games, which were in the sun on the soccer field. And when I played werewolf, we were outside, but it was in the shade and I was wearing a hat. So yeah, so I feel like I've really done a good job of staying out of the sun. I did not play tennis during the day at all in the past week. I have to play a match on Saturday at 9:00 AM but I was supposed to also play on Sunday, and I was like, I'm going to sub someone in because I want to try to keep it to one daytime excursion
Per week, at least for the time being. But yeah, so far it's been pretty good. And I've really been loading up if I have to go outside, if I have to walk the dog or whatever, loading up on the sunscreen, wearing a wide brimmed hat, et cetera, et cetera. Yes. So I feel like I've been doing a good job going to pat myself on the back. Good for you. See, I need a marimba sound for that too. Okay. So I haven't talked about this on the pod. Maybe I'll talk about it a little bit more in another episode. But I am in the middle of a four week strength program on the Peloton app.
Elise: Whoa. Okay. That sounds serious.
Doree: It is. Glutes and Legs with Adrian Williams. I had the revelation that I'm sure will be mind blowing to many people out there that as we age, truly the root of a lot of our issues are because of weak glutes.
Elise: It's true. It's true.
Doree: I mean, right. New problems. It all stems from weak glutes. And I was like, okay, I got to build up those glutes. This is a whole
Elise: Conversation. Yes. Is it? So we are going to have to have this conversation in our next mini E because Yes. This is so funny that you bring up basically weak glutes. Glutes because it's become a running in joke in my house. I'll tell you more about it. So listeners, stay tuned to the next mini. Oh
Doree: My gosh, I can't wait.
Okay, so I am halfway through. I'm like, I'm halfway through week two of the program. And what I like about this program, because I've tried to do other Peloton strength programs, and some of them were too much, some of them it was like five days a week, and I was like, that's too much for me to fit in. But this one with Adrian, the first week is three classes, but then the three other weeks are two classes, which is totally manageable for me. The last class I did, I was like, I feel stronger. I could feel myself getting stronger. It was crazy.
Elise: That feels really
Doree: Empowering. It was crazy. And I was like, I think I need heavier weights.
Elise: Great.
Doree: I've maxed out. That's great. So I'm buying some heavier weights today from some woman off Facebook marketplace. So good. Also weights, I forgot. Weights are expensive. Yeah, don't buy new
Elise: Stuff
Doree: If
Elise: Somebody has. Of course.
Doree: Perfect. Of course not. That's perfect. So Jerry, I'll be coming over later this afternoon. Thanks, Jerry, from all of us. Thanks, Jerry. So anyway, so my intention is just to continue, stay consistent, fit it in,
Elise: And get stronger.
Doree: Really, I'm enjoying it. I'm enjoying it.
Elise: That inspires me because I remember a few weeks ago, I had the intention to do more walking. I was going to walk every day and follow that app that Instagram sold me. So I did get more serious about doing more cardio and walking, but what went by the wayside was any strength training, because I was spending my exercise units of the day walking. I was walking so much more. It was like 45 minutes to an hour of walking that I was like, well, that's as much as I can exercise today. Now I can't go lift or go to a Pilates class, so I will kind of do an analog to your intention and just intend to do strength training at all, because I have really let it go by the wayside for the last three
Doree: Or
Elise: Four weeks.
Doree: So
Elise: Just get back into it. And it's so important. It's so important to prevent osteoporosis. And my hips are constantly tight, and then I get lower back pain. And anytime I get lower back, my PT is like, that's because one of your glutes doesn't fire one of them. Yes. We'll talk about it. It's like one side is particularly weak. Both of them are weak, but one side is worse than the other.
But just to check in on last week's intention, I had intended to give Issa my middle daughter, my disenfranchised middle daughter, more time, more attention. And we have been able to spend some time right before bed together, which we don't always get to because I'm running around picking up the older sister or something. And so in some ways, I did actually fulfill that intention and get a little bit more like mommy daughter time with Issa. But I think that it could be better. I mean, I still think her love tank needs more filling, so I will work on that. I mean, we're tight, we're cool. It's just like there's only so many hours in a day and there's so many people that need time and attention. And now there's a puppy. Now there's a puppy, and our attentions are divided. So yes, I will still keep it at the front of mind while focusing on my explicit Forever35 intention this week, which is just doing anything for my muscles at all. Strength Train.
Doree: Alright, well Elise, this is also the time of the month when we thank our $10 a month Patreon supporters.
Elise: And
Doree: These are the supporters who get ad free episodes. They also get all of the Patreon exclusive content that we provide, and we are just super grateful for them because they help keep the show going.
So thank you to the following supporters, Michelle, Melanie Cambior, Barbara Chia, Callos. Amy, Amy Schnitzer, Heather Hale, Megan Donald Brew, Jr. Devlin Esco, Helen De MOIs, Shelly Lee, Kim Beagler, Sarah, Sarah Boozy. Alison Cohen, Susan Eth, Lynette Jones, Fran, Kelsey Wolf, Donne. Laura. Eddie, Pam from Boston, jet Apte, Valerie, Bruno, Jane, Thoreau, Julie, Daniel, Katie, Tron, E Jackson, Alicia, Merritt, Amy Mako, Liz, rain. J. DK, Jennifer Smith, Hannah M Julia, putt, Maddie, O'Day, Marissa, Bel, Diana, Becky, Hobbs, Haer, Coco Bean, Laura Hadden, Josie, H, Nikki, Boer, Juliana Duff, Chelsea Torres, Angie James, Tiffany G, Diana Martin, Emily McIntyre, Elizabeth Anderson, Kelly Dearborn, Christine Basses, Zulema, Lundy, Carrie Gold and t Nikki, Catherine Ellingson, Kara Brugmann, Sarah H, Sarah Egan, Jess Bin, Jennifer Olson, Jennifer Hs, Eliza Gibson, Jillian Bowman, Brianne, Macy, Karen, Perelman, Katie, Jordan, Sarah, m Lisa, Travis, Kate, M, Emily, Bruer, Josie, Alki, Alquist, Tara, Todd, Elizabeth Cleary, Monica, and Joanna Stone. And just a reminder, you can get those memberships now 15% off. Also, if you are a $5 supporter and you want to upgrade your membership, you can do that and get the discount for the annual subscription. So that's another cool thing that can happen. That is at patreon.com/forever. Five.
Elise: We're so grateful for you all and welcome to the new members.
Doree: Yes, and a reminder that Forever35 is hosted and produced by me, Doree Shafrir and Elise Hugh, and produced and edited by Sam Junio. Sami Reed is our project manager, and our network partner is Acast. Thanks everyone.
Elise: Thanks y'all.
Doree: Bye.
*Transcripts are AI Generated