Mini-Ep 381: History of Hosiery
Kate stumbles upon some listeners while at a Phish show and Doree celebrates Henry’s FOURTH birthday! Then, listeners ask about how to organize clothes when your weight fluctuates, what to buy a new dad who has everything, self-care recommendations after being laid off, and a unique way to keep your tights from riding down.
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Transcript
Kate: Hello and welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I am Kate Spencer,
Doree: And I am Doree Shafrir.
Kate: And we're not experts.
Doree: We're not, Nope. But we're two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.
Kate: We do. And this is a mini episode where we hear from you, we share your comments and thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability.
Doree: But please remember, we are podcast hosts. We're not experts, and we always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Kate: If you want to reach us, our voicemail and text number is (781) 591-0390, and our email is Forever35podcast@gmail.com. You can also visit our website Forever35podcast.com for links to everything we mentioned on the show. Our Instagram is @Forever35podcast. We are on Facebook groups where the password is serums. We have a newsletter, which you can find at Forever35podcast.com/newsletter and products that we mentioned on the show can be found at shopmy.us/forever35
Doree: Woo Wow. Thank you, Kate. I do just want to remind everyone that we are doing a live show, and I'm so excited about this, partly because it's going to be my birthday celebration.
Kate: I would say you can be like a hundred percent excited about this
Doree: Ok thank you
Kate: because it's going to be your birthday celebration,
Doree: And we have two special guests joining us, Nora McInerney, and Sammy Junio.
Kate: I mean, I can think of no one better to celebrate you
Doree: Honestly
Kate: Than those two people.
Doree: Me neither. So I hope,
Kate: And me, and also me and our listeners
Doree: And you, of course. Yeah. So I hope that you'll join us. It's on May 17th at 5:30 PM Pacific, 8:30 PM Eastern. And if you can't make it at that exact time, you can still buy a ticket and the recording will be available for a week after the show actually airs. So that's always a nice thing to be able to watch it whenevs and tickets are available at moment.co/Forever35.
Kate: Let's do this Doree.
Doree: Let's do this.
Kate: Lets live.
Doree: The last one was so much fun. If you were at the last one, you know how much fun it was, and
Kate: It was like beyond fun. I was so nervous. And then it went, it was too fast and it was too furious. It was just like, we've the most fun.
Doree: Well we've made this one longer.
Kate: Oh yeah.
Doree: Last time the show was an hour, which I frankly thought was a little too short, but I think we were just trying to test the waters and we had no idea how it was going to go. And then we were like, wait, it's over. So we've extended it by half an hour, so it's an hour and a half long. And then the after party is also going to be longer. The after party is going to be 45 minutes long. The after party is going to be in my hotel suite, so it's going to be real intimate.
Kate: We're going to be in our PJs.
Doree: Yeah. If you remember last time, we did indeed slip into something more comfortable.
Kate: Maybe you know what? We're going to have to to plan out party outfits for this show
Doree: Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Kate: I Know. We need, I don't know. I need something sparkly, you know, because you best believe I'm still be jeweled Doree.
Doree: Oh, you sure are.
Kate: When you walk into a live show. This is me, Taylor Swifting, in this experience. But I'm going to do it. I'm going to wear a Taylor Swift show.
Doree: Oh my gosh.
Kate: Era's tour outfit to your birthday show.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: How do you like that?
Doree: Fair enough, fair enough. I'm excited. moment.co/Forever35. We'll see you there.
Kate: Well Doree, speaking of podcast listeners, I have attended many Phish shows in the last 10 days. Now
Doree: Go on.
Kate: I'm done. And I also attended the LA Times Festival of Books, which was amazing. And met folks who I met podcast listeners in both places.
Doree: That's so cool.
Kate: Now, at the book festival, that wasn't as shocking to me, right? Because it's readers, it's the daytime.
Doree: Sure, sure, sure. Yes.
Kate: And I was doing these kind of designated book signings. So I was meeting people at the Phish concert. One time, I was just in the water bottle line, and a person approached me, shout out to them, we're from Wisconsin.
Doree: Amazing.
Kate: And then the other time I was washing my hands in the bathroom and someone just runs by and goes, Kate Spencer, I love your podcast.
Doree: Oh my gosh.
Kate: When I tell you that I chased this person out of the bathroom, because that is how you make a friend. I did. I chased them out. I was like, what? Who are you? Mysterious new friend?
Doree: Amazing.
Kate: Then I have invited myself to see Phish shows with them. So let's see if they, cause they did. Oh, I was like, DM me. And then I didn't check our voice messages until today, and they had texted the pod. Wow. And then another listener was there DMing me, and we couldn't quite find each other. But look, if you are a Forever35 listener, I want to hang out at Phish shows. Don't be shy.
Doree: She does want to hang out at Phish shows.
Kate: I Love making friends at Phish shows, especially when we're all there about self-care.
Doree: Yeah,
Kate: I'm just there.
Doree: Yeah,
Kate: Just there to hang. So that was really special. It was really wonderful to be at my favorite place in the world, aka a Phish concert. And for to have the pod come up in that space was,
Doree: Yeah, that's really cool.
Kate: Strangely meaningful for me. Doree, that's really cool. And then I would cool. Then I would text you immediately every time.
Doree: I loved it. I loved it. I felt like I was there
Kate: Every time. Just I just met a podcast listener.
Doree: Yeah, it was awesome.
Kate: So that's what I did for self-care this last week. But what happens when your self-care is exhausting? Is a question I have for everybody?
Doree: That's a really good question,
Kate: Because I'm exhausted right now, which if you can't tell from my voice, which sounds a little hoarse.
Doree: Yeah, that's a very good question.
Kate: I'll think about it. I'll think about an answer. Maybe somebody else has an answer, but I don't know. I don't know the answer.
Doree: Well, I celebrated my son's birthday party this weekend, which is I, well, I celebrated my son's birthday this weekend.
Kate: His birthday is actually this very moment as we are recording.
Doree: Yes. Not the day this is airing, but the day we are recording is his actual birthday. And I was also exhausted yesterday.
Kate: That's a grueling hosting, a children's birthday party.
Doree: Hosting a children's birthday party. I was very anxious about it, but it turned out great. He was so happy. He danced. He,
Kate: oh my God.
Doree: He was just like,
Kate: oh my God.
Doree: He was so cute. It was really sweet. And I think people had a lot of fun. So that felt good. But I was, yesterday, I was like, oh, I'm, I'm real tired.
Kate: Yeah. I believe it. Oh, that is, because I think there's something about hosting, I mean, that I personally find exhausting, but also knowing you are trying to accommodate kids. You're trying to accommodate parents. Totally. You're also focused on your own child. That is. And it's so much fun and so great, but also a lot,
Doree: A lot, a lot, a lot. Yeah. But it was good. It was really good.
Kate: I'm really glad.
Doree: Thank you.
Kate: And Happy birthday to your four year old, which is my
Doree: Four year old, four old. Oh my gosh.
Kate: I cannot believe that.
Doree: Well, Kate,
Kate: yes Doree.
Doree: We got an interesting text.
Kate: Let's hear it.
Doree: I will read. How do y'all organize your clothes when your weight fluctuates? Overwhelmed with what fits me right now and forgetting what I have in bins. I have a suggestion for you that is based in part on my organizing of my son's baby clothes.
Kate: Hear it?
Doree: Because when he was born and for the first few months of his life, I was getting clothes, they changed sizes within two months, maybe sometimes sooner when they're really little. And so I had bins that were labeled three to six months, six to nine months, nine to 12 months, 12 to 24. You know what I mean? All that stuff. And I think that's what you need to do. I don't want you to just throw all your clothes in one bin. I want you to have individual bins or bags or however you do it. That's like shirts, size, whatever, pants size, whatever. And that way, exactly where everything is by size.
Kate: Could you also, this, my thought was going to to list the exact items and tape it on the bin so that you don't have to wonder, you could even take photograph everything that's in the bin and keep it in a photo album on your phone and label it by bin. I realize this sounds and probably is very time intensive, but once it's done, it's done. And in bin number one, I keep all my pants size, whatever, and here is what they look like. And then you can just scroll through the photos.
Doree: Totally. I think you need some kind of system that is, whether it's photos or a list or just labeling, it needs to be type of item and size.
Kate: I think that's a great suggestion. Being nitpicky about this one, I feel like will help you in the long run because it can feel very overwhelming and it can feel like you have nothing when that's not true. So I like your suggestion. I feel like getting, I'm about to quote the band Phish and say, get down to the nitty gritty, but I think that is what you want to do.
Doree: And then if you're up for it, I would like every few months just kind of go through the bins.
Kate: Good idea.
Doree: Because I know for me personally, hanging on to clothes that are way too small for me is psychologically draining. Now you say your weight fluctuates, so it sounds like you're up and down, but if there's stuff that you haven't fit, whether it's way too big or way too small for two years, I would consider just getting rid of it
Kate: With you on that. A hundred percent. A hundred percent.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: Here's an interesting response to a question we received about tights listening to the underwear with tights convo. And the real game changer is underwear over the tights keeps them from riding down. For the record, I also wear underwear under my tights. Okay. Where were you listener? In 1988 when my tights were riding down in every church and every family photo where what? Did you know this hack of wearing underwear over the tights too?
Doree: No, I don't think I did.
Kate: Now you're giggling over there
Doree: Because I just like, it's called underwear.
Kate: Well, I don't know. In this situation it's called Overtight wear.
Doree: I mean, I guess
Kate: I love the idea of having something to ke. I mean, tights are one of the worst inventions for comfort, in my opinion. I mean, I guess sometimes they feel good, but the sensation of them constantly never quite fitting. Right. They're either too small or just,
Doree: Well, I also imagine as a tall, I'm speaking to you, Kate. Oh, forget it. Buying tights must be very annoying because if they fit in the length, they might not fit in the waist. And it seems like a nightmare.
Kate: There's a terrible feeling when you put on a pair of tights that are too not tall, not long enough, and you can't get them all the way up. So there's like kind of, yes, the crotches two inches of spa. It's just a fucking nightmare. No, I mean, the patriarchy in one item of clothing. I mean, truly could just be tights.
Doree: I mean, I feel like 50% of my moving to LA was so I didn't have to wear tights.
Kate: Oh, why did you move for a job? Or the weather or
Doree: no, tights,
Kate: change of pase? I just don't want to wear tights anymore.
Doree: No. I feel like I've mentioned this on the podcast before, but I had this friend in New York who had grown up in LA and she never wore tights. Even if it was like 35 degrees, she would not wear tights. And at the time I was like, what? Aren't you freezing? And now I'm like, you know what? I get it. If I had grown up not having to wear tights, I think as a grownup I would be like, fuck no.
Kate: Yeah, a hundred percent. And I just also want to say, I feel like tights would be a really fascinating product recall episode because I don't really know the history of hose wear.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: But I'm curious.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: I want to know who created this oppressive nightmare.
Doree: Well, for a long time, people who wore tights often wore them with a garter belt
Kate: And that held them up. Is that right? Yeah. Yeah.
Doree: With a clip. With clips. And then I don't know if it was legs that developed the pantyhose that came up to your waist, but it might have been.
Kate: Well,
Doree: Because before that, people just wore thigh highs attached to a garter belt.
Kate: I might need you to get on this. Teach me all about tights, or I will teach you one of us.
Doree: Alright well, one of us.
Kate: I'm curious.
Doree: One of us will get on this. Okay.
Kate: Okay.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: Alright. Let's take a break, Doree.
Doree: Okay, let's do that. Okay. We are back with a text. Hey, friends. After literal years of avoiding doctor appointments, I finally made one to get a mole checked out, any advice or pep talk to help me slow the spiral and not stress about skin cancer. In the meantime, love, love, love.
Kate: I have a suggestion. I want you to go to google.com and I want you to Google CBT techniques for catastrophizing and start checking out different techniques to help you manage that spiral. Because what that is, is catastrophizing. I mean, look, not a doctor or a mental health professional, just a person with mental health issues, who does this? I have an anxiety disorder, and what helps me from going down that path is practicing actual techniques, literally off of a worksheet that my therapist has given me, because I work with a cognitive behavioral therapist on how to work through that experience. And if you do, this is something that is common for you, and you do not have a mental health professional who specializes in C B T in your life, I would highly recommend looking into exploring that for yourself, because this can be the spiral. We often joke about spiraling, but it can be debilitating. I know how mentally and exhausting this can feel. Anyway, that is my suggestion. I'm so happy for you that you have made the appointment, but actually now I'm rereading this and it says, after literal years of avoiding doctor's appointments. So that to me tells me this is a lot for you, and it might really actually help to have a professional guide you through this experience.
Doree: Totally, Totally. Ooh, I'll be thinking of you. Keep us posted please
Kate: Keep us posted. And good job. That's a huge step booking that appointment.
Doree: Yeah,
Kate: It's a big deal. I so see you.
Doree: Thank you for Kate. Thank you for pointing that out, that just booking the appointment is
Kate: Oh, oh my God.
Doree: Such a big step,
Kate: Yeah. That's really hard to do. So
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: Nice work. Okay, Dora, here's another email. Okay. Hi Kat and Dor. I have a burning question for y'all. And the larger, Forever35 fam, my longtime bestie is about to become a dad for the first time. My go-to parent gifts are usually very mom centric as it's usually the mom I am friends with. So I'm at a loss as to how to mark this huge life changing moment for him. I would like to mark this occasion with a special memento, but I am at a loss. Additionally, our income brackets are very different, and he buys himself whatever he wants or needs, including luxury items. And this is not in my budget. If the circumstances were reversed, I know he'd buy me something super thoughtful and luxurious, and he's definitely a better gift giver than I am. So T L D R, sentimental Gifts for New Dads.
Doree: I always like something personalized with a date.
Kate: Oh, cute.
Doree: To just commemorate. Now, I think that you didn't give us a budget, but I'm going to assume that the Tiffany stuff is out of your budget. But what you could do is look on the Tiffany's website and get some inspiration, and then look for things that are cheaper and see what you could get engraved. So that could be one thing. You could get him a frame. I don't know. A cup. Something cute. You said you want it for him though, not for the baby. What do you think, Kate?
Kate: One of my personal favorite baby gifts, gifts were baby onesies that were very specific, not either inside jokes or stuff that,
Doree: Oh, that's a good one.
Kate: Would make me specifically chuckle, or not even necessarily has to be in humor, but just something kind of, this personally kind of might sound kind of self-absorbed, but when someone gave me a twilight onesie for my baby, I was like, yes, l o fucking L. And I think a one, number one, you can get any sort of thing made. There are many sellers on something like Etsy that could create something cool for you. And I feel like an article of baby clothing is not going to set you back too much, but it's still really personal. And the sweet thing about little pieces of baby clothing becomes special to you. I have a couple bins of my favorite baby clothing that my kids had that I've just saved. You could also frame it. There's little things like that I think you can do that are, they're for the baby, but from what I'm hearing, your friend is going to get himself if he needs a massage or a cashmere sweatshirt.
Doree: Yes, yes.
Kate: He's got that covered.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: I think you don't have to spend a lot of money for something to be special, unique, and personalized. So I would say something that the baby might be able to use or wear that reflects your love for your friend and your relationship, the real kind of insider part of your relationship might be the way to go.
Doree: Kate, we're going to delete my suggestion, I think of going to go with yours.
Kate: Listen, you know what my mom, let me tell you. She was so good at this stuff and she would've loved a monogram sterling silver picture frame.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: You can never go. You can never go wrong with something like that. It's timeless.
Doree: Yeah, yeah.
Kate: It's a classic Doree.
Doree: Okay, Okay. Alright. Okay.
Kate: We are leaving that in.
Doree: Okay, fine. But I also really like your suggestion.
Kate: Oh, thanks. Thank you. Thank you so much.
Doree: Yeah, Matts co-host from James Bonding, got him a James Bond onesie. He got some Dave Matthews band onesies people got him Star Trek onesies, people got him, definitely got him stuff that for his fandoms, I guess I don't have as defined fandoms, so no one got me any fandom onesies.
Kate: If you had been playing tennis as much at the time, I would've gotten Henry A. Little 1970s. John McEnroe tennis onesie, like a little outfit with little white shorts, little headband, a little white headband.
Doree: You know what? It's not too late.
Kate: Henry will be like, what is this? I like dressing myself. I'm four
Doree: And I'll be like, wear it!
Kate: All right, Doree, let's take another quick break and we'll come back with a couple more listener thoughts.
Doree: All right, sounds good.
All right, Kate, we are back with an email. Dear Kat and Dor, self-care recommendations for being laid off. I was laid off last week and it came as a surprise, even though there have been a lot of layoffs in my industry recently. My partner and I have one young child, and I have been the primary income earner in my household for the last few years. What do you recommend for taking care of myself and dealing with the grief and betrayal and all the feelings of this moment while also looking for my next opportunity, self-care, forever denying feelings. Never.
Kate: I really like that last line.
Doree: Yeah, me too. That's a good one.
Kate: I have not been laid off, which is shocking to me. I have survived. I have somehow managed to survive companies stick around at companies that were going through massive layoffs. This is not me tooting my own horn, this, that was just the luck of the fucking draw. But I have been through a lot of shit at work, and I think honestly, the best thing is commiseration and camaraderie. I mean, if you want to treat yourself to things that might make you feel kind of better in the moment, I think that's always nice. But I do feel like letting yourself feel the feelings and also having folks who get it, there with you. Totally. And whether those are other coworkers or friends who have been through it, that those seems like the best remedy to me.
Doree: Well, Kate, I have been laid off.
Kate: I know, talk to us.
Doree: It's not fun. I mean, I have not been laid off as the primary breadwinner with a child, so I just want to caveat out that I was laid off
Kate: Lets honor that nightmare.
Doree: Yeah, I was laid off. I was in a relationship, but I didn't have a child. I was not married, so it was a very different time in my life, and I just want to acknowledge that. But yeah, I mean, I definitely leaned on friends the night I got laid off. I went out with two of my close friends and we just got drunk and they listened to me bitch. I also think it's good because you said you're going to be job seeking. I think you can give yourself, I would give yourself at least a week if you like. I'm going to assume that you have a week to just not really do anything and just sort of clear your head. And then what I would do is I would devote a certain amount of time each day to job searching and literally put it on a timer, whether it's one hour or half an hour or two hours, you decide that. But that is going to be your job searching time, and then you're going to put it aside because I think you will drive yourself crazy if you are just looking online all day, every day for job stuff. So I would be targeted about it and just give yourself that time. The other suggestion, and this also has to do with job searching, but also sort of morale. And this is not my, I can't take credit for this idea. I read it somewhere, but they say that when you're a laid off or you're looking for a job that you should reach out to your, they call them weak ties. So these are people that you're not besties with, but maybe someone like you worked with five years ago or a person you were friends with in college but maybe haven't talked to in a little while. And these are the people you reach out to at this time to sort of network, offer to take them to lunch, offer to take them to coffee, I think, or could reach out and ask if they work somewhere that you're interested in, ask if they have any job openings. I think you can be as explicit as that, but that is a prescribed thing that you're supposed to do when you get laid off. And I think it actually makes a lot of sense. So I would do that. And then the other thing I would do is try to do something every day, even if it's just 15 or 20 minutes, that feels like self-care to you.
Kate: I think that's excellent advice Doree.
Doree: Thank you. Thank you.
Kate: Good luck. We are rooting for you.
Doree: We are. And please keep us posted.
Kate: Well, Doree, that brings us to the end.
Doree: It does
Kate: of this episode
Doree: Of this episode. Yes,
Kate: Yes. But another one awaits.
Doree: All right, everybody.
Kate: Have a great day. Bye.
Doree: Bye.