Mini-Ep 338: The Name Of This Episode Is Tub Pizza
Kate and Doree sniff out a new scent collection they’d love to collab with. Then they hear from listeners about style-shaming and reclaiming your body after a physical change, hairbrush dryer tools, and more advice for grieving the loss of pets.
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Transcript
Kate: Welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we try to do to take care of ourselves. I'm Kate Spencer.
Doree: I'm Doree Shafrir.
Kate: And we are not experts.
Doree: No. But we are two friends who like to talk a lot about serums,
Kate: And this is a mini episode where we hear from you, we share your comments and your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability.
Doree: But please remember, we are podcasts hosts are not experts. We always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Kate: If you would like to reach us, our voicemail and text number is (781) 591-0390. I have the texts open. You can shoot us a text. Someone sent us a picture of a meme, a Patagonia meme. You all know us so well.
Doree: Oh, Kate, did you feel seen?
Kate: I did feel well with the news that Yvonne Sheard, who's the owner of Patagonia, that their family is basically putting all their ownership of the money that they have from Patagonia. It's like 3 billion into a trust that goes back to environmental, what's the word? Environmental sustainability. Basically, they're giving money back to the planet. I was very moved and so many people sent me the link. I thought I did post about it in my stories. Yeah, go. Patagonia, one of my favorite employers of all time besides this podcast. Okay. And yeah, our email is Forever35podcast@gmail.com.
Doree: And you can visit our website forever35podcast.com. For links to everything we mentioned on the show, follow us on Twitter @forever35Pod on Instagram @Forever35podcast. Join the Forever35 Facebook group, facebook.com/group/forever35podcast. The password there is serums. We also have a newsletter at Forever35podcast.com/newsletter, and you can head on over to shopmy.us/forever35 where you can shop all our recommended prods arranged more thematically.
Kate: I just wanna tell you, Doree, I'm still over in our text messages from listeners and someone sent us a picture of a child in a bathtub when they wrote, following your conversation about eating in the bathtub. I feel that you need to see this picture of my niece living her best life enjoying her dinner in the tub. And it is indeed adorable. I will send this to you, Doree. It is, Oh, looks like she's possibly, this child's probably eating pizza. Anyway. That is the life. That is the life we want for all of us.
Doree: Yeah. Wow.
Kate: Tub pizza.
Doree: Tub pizza.
Kate: The name of this episode is Tub Pizza. Oh, can I, Oh gosh. Okay. Wait. Oh, I need to just bring something to the listeners' ship's attention because you were already in the know about this and it kind of rocked my world.
Doree: Well, okay. I, was and I wasnt. I did some more digging and I, and I have to revise my initial comment about this.
Kate: Okay, so then let me bring up the thing.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: Because I'm curious as to where this is going. So I was in a location this week in a person's home and I was alone and they had a, what's that thing called with the sticks that stick out a diffuser? The sticks. And it was a brand named hotel collection. The scent of the diffuser was called Midnight in Paris. And this thing smelt so good that I was beside myself. And so I googled and I was like, what is hotel collection is, it seems to be an actual brand inspired by hotels, not made for hotels, but a brand of scent products inspired by hotels. It is. And you were like, Oh yeah, I know what this is now. Is this accurate?
Doree: Okay. So I used to have hotel collection sheets because those, it was a, it's a brand called Hotel Collection. I think you can mostly just get it at Macy's. And they were what I think it was a West, I slept on them on at Westin Hotel. And I was like, Oh my God, these sheets are unbelievable. I need to get these sheets. So I bought them and they were great as advertised. And so when you said hotel collection, I just assumed it was part of hotel collection sheets. But my Googling has revealed that I believe these are separate companies, both named hotel collection
Kate: What is happening?
Doree: Because I think you go, when you go to Macy's and you search hotel collection, all you get are sheets and bedding or they have mattresses, they have various hotel collection things. And when you go to the hotel collection website for a diffuser, there's no sheets.
Kate: Not only are there no sheets, but you can't even figure out who's behind this company. That's why I'm So you know how normally there will be an about section and it'll be like 10 years ago I was sleeping at a hotel and I thought, I wanna smell like this.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: There's nothing, I can't figure out what this is. Just that this was one of the best smells I've ever smelled. It filled up the room and I have been on their website and I want numerous scents.
Doree: Well, and also it appears to also be like you can get a subscription.
Kate: Yes. They also have it. So they have diffusers for air conditioning, they have air conditioning scents. So like at a hotel, when you go to a hotel and it smells really good.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: And it's cuz they're pumping sense through the hvac. They have this and then here's the twist. They have wine.
Doree: What?
Kate: They sell wine. What is this company? I just need some clarity if anybody else has any of their scents that they wanna recommend. If you have a subscription, if you know what this is, I need to hear from you because I'm about, I'm going to buy this diffuser. But then there are other scents that I want. cabana, which is a jasmine bergamot scent. I love a jasmine.
Doree: I know you do.
Kate: This diffuser was, so this midnight in Paris. The notes are sandalwood, vanilla, and amber. And it, so it actually smells like a perfume. I have called 1969, so maybe that's why it resonated. But it was like a whole, it's, it was the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe when you open the closet and there's a whole other world on the other side. That's what it was. Discovering hotel collection scents. It opened a wardrobe and here it was.
Doree: Here's another thing that's kind of confusing is there's a weston store where you can get diffusers and candles and such, but they are not branded hotel collection. They are branded Weston.
Kate: What is this?
Doree: What is happening? We need to get to the bottom of this
Kate: Question for you. Do you still use those sheets?
Doree: No. I forget what happened. Wait, and now I'm seeing Weston has their own line of sheets. This did not used to exist, I swear to God.
Kate: Oh, that's fascinating. I mean, I was reading some article recently about how hotels are creating signature scents that they sell or spas are doing this. And even here in Los Angeles, I think I've talked about how I have the signature scent of the Americana and Grove Outdoor Shopping malls.
Doree: I mean, oh,
Kate: I've purchased most diffusers and candles.
Doree: My husband loves buying scents of Disney rides
Kate: I have smelled your house.
Doree: I got him a Pirates of the Caribbean candle for his birthday. I got him a Fenway Park set of candles.
Kate: Does it just smell hot dogs and beer?
Doree: And I think one smells like peanuts. And so the Disney scents theres is one that smells like the monorail allegedly. I mean, I don't know all a lot of these scents are very overly overpowering for me. You know how I feel about
Kate: That's right. You're not a scent person.
Doree: Yeah, I like a subtle scent. But anything too synthetic irritates. I get my eyes start watering and stuff. A couple times I was at your house and I had to be like, I need you to blow up this candle. Do you remember,
Kate: I know a few times all the time, and I can't remember if you were pregnant or not, but cuz sometimes when, cause you're pregnant, often your scent, you sense of your scense of scent can be heightened. I do wanna note that there's a Phish song called Sense scents and Subtle Sounds which I just feel like kind of aligns with what you were just talking about. so.
Doree: Oh, interesting. Not sense and sensibility.
Kate: No, but I mean, God bless Jane Austen, the paint saint of my heart really all over the place.
Doree: Well, Kate, this is a real mystery that we are trying to untangle here. Who, I mean, I'm just behind the mysterious hotel collection.
Kate: You should be a detective,
Doree: I am a detective. I'm gonna have to put on my detective hat. And I'm wondering where is the Dorees hotel collection?
Kate: Oh, now this is a fun idea. Now you don't like scents, so what would it be selling.
Doree: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I must must clarify.
Kate: I misspoke. Misspoke.
Doree: I don't like overpowering kind of synthetic scents. But give me a Jenny Kane candle or
Kate: no fricking Jenny Kane.
Doree: Oh my gosh, I'm blanking on the PF candle. The PF candles. I love those. It just can't be super strong. A lot of the room diffuser sense I've tried are just way too overpowering for me. But I like a reed diffuser usually. Although sometimes those have been overpowering too. So it honestly, it just kind of depends. But there's specific scents that I do really like. And obviously those would be part of the Doree's Hotel collection.
Kate: I mean, look, if hotel collection wants to collaborate with us on the imaginary hotel that we have and creating a signature scent, I think that would be probably bucket list level situation.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: A signature sent for a hotel that doesn't exist is really, I don't know. That could be a new thing. I'm into that.
Doree: A new frontier.
Kate: A new frontier for us to just trek across.
Doree: Yep. Yep, yep.
Kate: Well, shall we take a break and come back with a bevy of voicemails?
Doree: I honestly would like nothing more.
Kate: We'll be right back. Okay.
Doree: Well, Kate, we have returned and as promised we have a voicemail.
Voicemail: Hi, Kat and Dor, I just had my first pause the pod moment you just had to call. I'm listening to Doree talk about her wardrobe and wanting to look at everything in her closet and feel excited about wearing it. And I'm having some very visceral reactions. I totally agree. That's what I want. Also, I feel like that's for years now, that's what I've been striving for and it somehow never happens. As I'm listening right now, I'm realizing maybe it's unrealistic to think that that could happen both from a time it takes to find the clothes and the money it takes to buy all of the clothes. And then how things like your body change over time to then have to be constantly keeping it updated. And it's also just making me wonder about the other overwhelming feeling I'm having while I'm listening is this sense of stress and anxiety about it all. Because it's like I always am trying to achieve this thing and I can never achieve it. And clothes and outfits feel so important to women in general. And I think the way we're perceived in society, and there's so much that is said about women and what they wear, and I don't know, I wonder if this is a pressure that we're putting on ourselves that we don't necessarily need. I would love to hear more about this conversation if anyone else has takes. Okay, thanks. Love you guys. Bye.
Doree: Wow,
Kate: this is intense, huh?
Doree: I love this voicemail.
Kate: Okay. Talk to me, What is resonating for you?
Doree: Well, just this idea of like, Well, wait a second. Yes, it is a lot of pressure to put on ourselves to think that everything in our closet is going to be stupendous. I mean, and it's also just making me think. So it's been the summer, I've been wearing a lot of dresses and shorts with drawstring waists. And the other night I went to put on my jeans and I was like, Oh, these are tight. I can barely button these jeans. And I was like, Oh, guess, guess my body's changed. And now that's a thing. You know what I mean? And I'm like, Oh, okay. Now I don't really have jeans to wear, but then it's like, do I just am going out and buying new jeans? I don't really feel like doing that, honestly. So I don't know. It's very interesting. It's just very, it's all very interesting. And whenever I do something like this, I always am like, I'm gonna be quote unquote better about what I buy. Because ultimately, right, that's the problem. Just impulsive shopping, buying stuff that isn't quite right, but you're like, Well, it's cute, but it's not actually cute on me, but I like it. Or it's on sale or whatever. You know what I'm talking about.
Kate: I do know. I do.
Doree: Yeah. So this really does resonate. Also compounded with this idea that we should have a style. That was one of the things, I think the curated closet wants you to do this. They want you to name your style.
Kate: Oh, fast. Oh yes, yes, yes, yes.
Doree: And then everything this you by is supposed to be kind of part of your style. And I get that in theory I guess. But it's like, why do I need to name my style? I dunno. Now I'm really, really unpacking this thanks to this listener's voicemail. Maybe my style is just things I feel like wearing.
Kate: This is fascinating. Maybe you don't need to have a style. You don't need to be like, I'm boho modern.
Doree: Right, Exactly. Exactly. And something else that I've been thinking about in line with the work of Aja Barber and even Jessica Dino, because she talks so much about over consumption, is the ways in which we are pressured, whether consciously or subconsciously by consumerist forces that are larger than ourselves. When suddenly skinny jeans were out, you can't wear skinny jeans anymore. And it's like, Oh, okay, I guess I'm out of fashion if I wear skinny jeans and those pressures of like, Oh, well, I guess I have to buy different jeans now. That's all part of our overly consumerist capitalist society, this feeling that we are always obsolete if we are not always at the cutting edge of fashion. But that is just playing into fast fashion and over consumption. Wow. I apparently have a lot to say about this.
Kate: No, you know what, it's hitting me because the other night I was looking at TikTok and I got stuck into a few of these videos where it's a stylist or they're not even, I mean, they're just the person who's like, I'm a stylist on TikTok and this woman made this video that's like, Here's what we're not gonna be wearing this fall. And then she showed this perfectly fine outfit of a woman in, it might have even been her in skinny jeans and a green utility jacket, like a sweater and LL bean duck boots. And she was like, Here's everything that's wrong with all these items of clothing. And I was like, Oh no, these are all things I own and here's how to make it modern. And it's like, well, making it modern requires like thousands
Doree: Right and it makes question yourself.
Kate: Yes. And I've now spent all this money to make, so I don't look like a person who doesn't know it was, it's so, it was so shamey. And I think a lot of these videos are, and a lot of them are like, Hey millennials, here's what you loved to wear. Remember we all loved wearing a big chunky sweater with skinny jeans and loafers or ballet flats, were not doing that anymore. Here's what you need to do to be cool and get a chunky loafer and a loose jean. And it's like, well, fuck. Okay, but that costs money and time, and it's making me feel bad about myself. It's a weird style shaming that goes on. And the myth that every style is fine is not true. The amount of skinny jean shaming that has happened. So this resonates with me also, Doree, I feel you on this. And I feel this listener. It's a rat race. Anything else. It's a keeping up with the Jones's. It's asking us to spend money that we don't have and time that we could be doing other things on. Now that being said, I fucking love clothes. So what do I do?
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: Somebody tell us what do we do? What do we do?
Doree: I don't know. I don't know. Also, But by the same token, I do think that clothes are an important mode of self-expression. And I do enjoy the act of putting on clothes and feeling good about what I'm wearing.
Kate: That's the other side of things. Yes. I love that.
Doree: So I don't know. I have this dress that I bought last summer that I'm wearing right now, and I wore it the other night when I went out to dinner and I wore it this morning to go to a breakfast, like an event breakfast kind of thing. Not just like to a diner which I could have worn it to a diner anyway. And it feels like one of those good all purpose kind of semi dressy. I think I wore it to one of your book events.
Kate: Actually, I was gonna say actually know the dress. I can see the dress.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: It's a good dress.
Doree: And I think what I'm getting at is, I think sometimes people also have this feeling of, I can't rewear this because I wore it to X. And in fact, I'm seeing a friend tonight who I also saw earlier in the week who I had dinner with when I was wearing this. And I had this thought of, Oh, I shouldn't wear this dress. She already saw me in this dress on Tuesday. And it's like, who fucking cares? What the hell? What is wrong with me? I actually had that thought, or that either I would change or, I would be, I know you wore this on Tuesday. Kinda make a joke. Make me light of it.
Kate: Oh god, yeah.
Doree: You know what I mean?
Kate: Yeah, I know.
Doree: I already wore this. I know you already saw me in this earlier this week as though I'm some fucking celebrity who gets photographed by paparazzi,
Kate: you are to me,
Doree: when even those people should be re-wearing clothes. You know what I mean? like,
Kate: Yes. Which I will say Kate Middleton. Kate Middleton does do a lot of re-wearing of clothes.
Doree: She does, she does
Kate: Princess Kate, Future Queen
Doree: Princess Catherine. Excuse me.
Kate: Oh, you're right. God, who am I? How could I do that?
Doree: Anyway, I don't know. It's all really interesting food for thought. And I guess my TLDR is that I don't have the answers, but these are the, I'm very grateful to this listener for bringing this up because these are questions that I do think about a lot and am still wrestling with.
Kate: Yeah, big time. These are good. Well, we've got another voicemail that kind of touches on this similar more about body and clothing after children having children.
Doree: Yeah.
Voicemail: Hi, Kate and Doree since you guys are both moms, I thought you might have a good perspective on this. I am about eight weeks postpartum. I have a two and year old and now, well, two month old and done having kids. And now this point where I had my body back and it's not sort at the whim of babies and toddlers, but now I'm sort of looking at my closet and nothing really fits the same. And I've gone through a pandemic and I'm sort just wondering, how did you guys get your, I dunno, your personhood back, How do you reclaim your body after having children? Children I don't wanna diet, but I do feel like I wanna get closer to who I used to be is physically and kind of mentally. And I'm just curious how you guys navigated that. And I'm sure you're still navigating it to some sense, but how do you do that? And from a I I'm in right now, from a closed perspective, when do you decide? Is it, I'm trying to get my old clothes, and call it. When is that point for you guys? Okay, thanks so much. Bye.
Kate: I think it is really, really hard after going through a big body transition, having a kid and the biggest one I've gone through personally. So that's the one I can speak to. I think the language that we use a lot of times it's getting back to the old me, but I think it's more than just the look and feeling of our body. I think it's about getting our body autonomy back in a lot of ways, our independence. And it's really tricky because I think there's a bunch of stuff that needs to go on here. A lot of self-acceptance because I'm this whole idea of our body's coming back and blah, blah, blah, and that's bullshit. And I think we have to get to a place where, of real self-acceptance that everything is forward moving. There's a lot, I'm talking in circles culturally, there's a lot of pressure to lose weight after having a child to appear the same. And I think that has to do with erasing a lot about our personhoods. And there's a lot of things to think about with this conversation. And I would focus more on you reclaiming your sense of self, physically, mentally, emotionally, all those things as opposed to trying to, I don't know. I don't know. This is tricky. I'm struggling. Doree, I'm struggling. What am I trying to say here? You're good at translating my thoughts into words. I feel like, my rambling thoughts.
Doree: Well, I really mean, something you said that is really resonating is this is about body autonomy in a lot of ways and feeling like you've getting your body back, not in the sense of getting your beach body back, but in the sense of actually getting your body back if you had been breastfeeding, you don't have someone attached to your boob anymore. You don't like those kinds of getting your body back. So that's just one thing. The other thing I would say is these feelings are completely normal. And it's it, it's normal to almost mourn the person you used to be before you had grew a child inside of you and gave birth to it, but now you are this new person and your body did something really fucking cool and amazing. And I personally think you should honor that. And to that end, to me, it's not as much about fitting into your clothes from before pregnancy. It's about honoring the body that you have now. And so what that meant to me, and I don't remember exactly when I did this, but I think it was around the time that I stopped breastfeeding. I, I tried on a lot of my clothes and some of them fit, some of them didn't. The ones that I really loved, I put away in an underbed storage container. And I was like, I'll come back to these at some point. Maybe I'll fit into them, maybe I won't, but they're not gonna be in my face all the time. And then I gave away or sold some other stuff and then I slowly bought new clothes that fit. And I think you need to have some clothes that fit. And I also think it's really detrimental to your mental health to constantly be in this cycle of I'm losing weight so I could fit into my old clothes. I'm a size bigger than I used to be before pregnancy, and that's just fucking reality. But I'm not buying my old size and being like, Well, I should be fitting into this. You know what I mean?
Kate: Well, it's also bodies change. The idea that our bodies, whether we are birthing people or whether even have a uterus or not, bodies change. Time is moving forward. Bodies are gonna transform in a variety of ways. And, it can be as simple as metabolism changing. It can be as simple as I broke my hand and now I don't have mobility in my hand. So many things, and diet culture that again, I am totally susceptible to and participate in. But the messaging is that, and I mean all this beauty culture, all of it is, is don't change. Turn back time, go back, go back, go back. And that's impossible. That's not natural. Oh God, I'm really on a soapbox. It's not natural.
Doree: No.
Kate: But also just the psychological impact of having a child, and I'm speaking specifically someone who had a child in biological child, but I imagine adopting or fostering a kid comes with its own physical things that I don't know about, but it's so grueling. There's so many layers of this. And I think the most superficial one that we all think about is our body's changed. How do we go back to looking like we used to? But there's just so much to kind of unpack with all of this, whatever you can do, listener, just to cherish and nourish yourself, I think is the best way to gain self-compassion for your body, the way your body is now as opposed to trying to shift it again. I'm talking in circles here, but I hope I make a sense.
Doree: No, I hear you well, Kate, we should really take a break.
Kate: Oh yeah, we should, When we come back, we're gonna talk about pets. So changes.
Doree: I'll get back. All right. We are back. Alright. This is an email we received on a recent mini-epp. A listener asked for ways to honor a recently deceased pet when our beloved cat Henry died a year and a half ago. My nine year old daughter and I went to a local nursery with the thought of buying a plant in his honor. We ended up buying a lemon tree, and that has been so fun. We keep it in a large pot on our deck in the warm months and in a corner of our living room in the cooler months. We named the tree Henry and honor of our cat, and it's so fun to get to talk about Henry the tree now. He has given us several good lemons so far. My daughter and I were grieving our cat more than our other family members were, and the two of us picking up this tree was a meaningful thing to do together as we navigated our grief. Love you guys in the pod and shout out to Doree's son Henry. I love this.
Kate: I love this too, this is so nice.
Doree: Henry the tree.
Kate: I know. This, is so, this is a love, really lovely way, I think to remember anybody or any animal that you've lost, I think this is just lovely. It's, it's a physical remembrance. There's also kind of the providing, there's a element of giving and you giving back to it. It's just is. It's just really lovely. Well, here's another response we got. I was a veterinary technician for 15 years. During that time, I grieved for countless pets, which I loved as my own many, which I saw from their first visit to their last, as well as losses of my personal furry family members as someone who wasn't able to have children. And during that time in my life, wasn't financially able to seek alternatives. My pets were and are my kids. And the loss hits so incredibly hard in hopes of helping one listener in hopes of helping even one listener. I wanted to share this revelation I had years ago in regards to people who perhaps didn't understand why the grief for their lost pets was stronger than they anticipated A pet is with us in our spaces, in our routines, schedules, and lives every day. Of course, that loss is significant and painful. There are very few loved ones I see every single day of my life. Being able to wrap my head around a maybe obvious fact allowed me personally to sit with and accept my deep grief over my lost pets, as well as reframing the narrative for other owners who initially may find their grief uncomfortable in its intensity. This may not aid in how to deal with the loss of a four legged family member. I have found over the years that this is extremely personal, but excuse me, hopefully it may help owners accept a grief, which is perhaps more intense than one may have thought it would be. I mean, this listener's, so Right. I'm sitting here recording this in Both my dogs are in this room sleeping. They're always around. Sometimes they're my only friends.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: Oh, our pets. What important part of our lives. I mean, even spice, the ghost Mantis, who we have in our kitchen, I feel attached to. She's a mantis
Doree: Look. I get it. I get it.
Kate: I love spice. She's like a real kind of a salty bitch. This mantis. I love her.
Doree: Oh, hello.
Kate: Yeah. She really, The mantis has a personality. We have a mantis.
Doree: Wow.
Kate: We have a ghost Mantis. Yeah. Yeah. Well, as always, Doree a true pleasure to get to be here with you.
Doree: Yes, Always Kate. All right everyone. Thanks for listening.
Kate: Bye.
Doree: Bye.