Mini-Ep 362: We Contain Multitudes
Doree tries to convince Kate to re-pierce her nose and hear from listeners about piercings that are totally worth it, a positive high school superlative experience, and dating and STI’s.
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Transcript
Kate: Hello friends, and welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I am Kate Spencer.
Doree: And I am Doree Shafrir.
Kate: And no, we're not experts.
Doree: No. But we're two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.
Kate: Okay? Okay. Hi.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: Hey, this is a mini episode.
Doree: Hi.
Kate: Where we hear from you. Hello, Doree. We share your comments on your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability.
Doree: And please remember, we're not experts. We're podcast hosts. We always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Kate: Yeah, we do. If you wanna reach us, our voicemail and text number is (781) 591-0390, and our email is Forever35podcast@gmail.com.
Doree: And you can visit our website, which is Forever35podcast.com for links to everything we mentioned on the show. Kate, I realize we should also mention that we have transcripts up on the site. Now sometimes they're a little delayed, but we have been publishing transcripts of the episode, so you can go check those out there. You can also follow us on Instagram @Forever35podcast, and you can join the Forever35 Facebook group at facebook.com/groups/forever35podcast. We do have a newsletter at Forever35podcast.com/newsletter, and you can shop our fave prods at shopmy.us/forever35.
Kate: Well, Doree, now that we've done the business, should we get down to business?
Doree: Wow. Kate, I see what you did there.
Kate: It wasn't, wasn't a great transition, but it was some sort of word play.
Doree: It was, some good wordplay.
Kate: Doree. Wait, speaking of wordplay, can I just tell you that, So per your suggestion via the Forever35 gift guide, I gifted Anthony.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: A personalized crossword.
Doree: Okay. And?
Kate: And it was through the website, Uncommon Goods. You basically get to create six of the clues and that they generate the rest.
Doree: Right.
Kate: And he had feedback for me because he was like, one of these the way you phrased one of these clues is really not made it a little confusing because it wasn't, it's not how we do it in like crosswords,
Doree: wait. One of the ones that you had written?
Kate: So I had written the answer was,
Doree: oh my God,
Kate: the current coach of, I know. I was like, dude, I don't know because I hate fucking crosswords, man.
Doree: Oh my God.
Kate: God. Layoff with your crossword rules. But he was, I, he wasn't like scolding me. He was lovingly, teasing.
Doree: Right, for your information.
Kate: Yes. I had written like, Roy and Dean, and the answer was Hubert, who is the current head coach of the UNC Tar Heels basketball team, my husband's other true love besides his family is UNC basketball. And he said that the way it would be phrased in an actual crossword would not be that way. He had some sort of feedback where he was like, that was, it just made it confusing because blah, blah. I was like, ok. Ok. Alright.
Doree: Wow, I hear you. Okay.
Kate: It was very sweet. You know what? I have married a, for better or for worse, a crossword nerd. Crossword nerd. And I love him for who he is, but it really made me laugh that he had this opinion about how the question should have been structured so that he could have gotten that clue.
Doree: That's so funny. Yeah. I mean, I kind of love it, but it's really funny.
Kate: I do too. Its why I love, I love him. I love him for who he is,
Doree: Right, sure.
Kate: But part of that is him having thoughts about my crossword work.
Doree: Oh my gosh. amazing.
Kate: Anyway. Anyway, we are not talking about wordplay today.
Doree: Oh, we're not? I came prepared to talk about wordplay. No, I didn't. I usually come prepared to talk about word play.
Kate: We've come prepared to talk about piercings.
Doree: We have come prepared to talk about piercings
Kate: And some other things. But we we're going to just start off the first bit of this episode with some listener shares about their own piercing journeys, because quite a few of you have written in about getting pierced later in life or younger in life. But we kind of put the question out to folks in the middle-aged category, have you gotten pierced as a middle-aged person?
Doree: And people
Kate: Answered
Doree: And people answered and people have. There we go.
Kate: Doree. Well, before we get started, I did just wanna say, one listener did reach out and ask about nipple piercing. They wanted to hear from other listeners who maybe had gotten their nipples pierced because they want to do it. So if anyone wants to just share some nipple piercing advice or feedback for this specific listener, hit us up, share it on the pod or share it with them. But they were specifically looking for like, Hey, I wanna get my nipples pierced. Have you done it? Question mark. My answer is no, Doree, I think, I don't think you have your nipples pierce.
Doree: Mine is as well. Yes. My answer is no,
Kate: But if anyone out there has them pierce, I do actually do have one friend who has his nipples pierced. I guess I could ask him.
Doree: Really? Still?
Kate: I do. Like a dad friend. Do He's just
Doree: Really?
Kate: Yeah, he's a dad.
Doree: Wow. Okay.
Kate: I mean, dad's, can get their nipples pierce too. We contain multitudes and sometimes when we have kids, we often appear to the rest of, to others around us, or at least I make the assumption that nobody has rich inner lives, but we do.
Doree: But lo and behold they do. All right. Well, let's hear a voicemail.
Voicemail: Hi, Forever35. This is the completest Listener. I've never missed an episode from Sacramento, California. My name's Michelle. I can't believe you just talked about piercing on Friday's, episode on Wednesday. I just got my cartilage pierced. I'm almost 50. I feel like a complete badass. My 10 year old daughter looked at me and said, you are so cool now. So I think the teenage threshold that Kate felt when her kids said it would be uncool, maybe do it before they're a teenager and they will still think you're cool. So glad I did. It hurts though, and I haven't slept well in a couple of nights, but worth it to look like a badass in the eyes of my 10 year old. Have a fabulous holiday girl. Bye.
Doree: Worth it. This listener has deemed it worth it.
Kate: The hurting freaks me out. I have my upper ear cartilage pierced on one ear. It's the inner little thing that I want to get, but they just confirmed my fear of it hurts. That cartilage is hard.
Doree: Yeah. I mean, I'm sure it doesn't hurt for that long.
Kate: I mean, also, isn't the hurt part of the thrill? Is that weird to say?
Doree: I mean, I don't know. Is it
Kate: Thats true. You haven't pierced in a while. You have, but not in a while. I don't, don't know. I mean, part of getting a tattoo, there's something like, there's something satisfying, but something kind of like you just kind of are grin and bear it. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe that's part of it. I'm tempted. I am really thinking about it.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: All right. Definitely on my mind.
Doree: Well, should we hear another voicemail on this same topic?
Kate: Oh yes. Oh yes.
Voicemail: Kat and Dor. Elaine from Central Oregon calling, and I'm calling in regards to episode 359. So Doree said that her body does not agree with piercing, and mine does not either. I have had my ears pierced a couple times and they never work out. They always get infected. I had my belly button pierced and it got infected, and I had a nipple piercing, which I'm still feeling like took out. It got infected. And finally I got my clitorial hood pierced, and surprisingly have not had any issues with this piercing. So I get to walk around secretly with this super sexy piercing and nobody knows about it. And it's really fun. And I haven't had any issues with it. So weird. Ears, belly button, nipples, all issues. Clitoral hood. No problem. So Doree, maybe that's what you want, need to try. Alright. Love the pod podcast and longtime listener first time caller.
Doree: I do love that this listener just kept trying.
Kate: Yeah. They believed
Doree: They really did.
Kate: And they wanted to be pierced.
Doree: Yes. And they found the body part that would accept the piercing.
Kate: Let's give it up for clits.
Doree: Okay. Given it up. This is not something that I'm going to do, but I respect that this listener did it, that it's working for them. Yes.
Kate: I love, I'm also not going to pierce my clit clitoral hood, but I do love the power of body autonomy that comes through piercing. And the way that this listener describes, they get to walk around with this very cool, very sexy piercing, and nobody knows that feeling of, I made this choice for myself and it involves nobody else, which, oh, were, we two all have that privilege when it comes to our uteruses. But that's another, we've talked about that at length, but you know what I'm saying? Right. Body autonomy is so important and oh, anyway, I always like to just bring it back to the patriarchy, ruining everything. Doree.
Doree: I love that. I love that about you. And yeah,
Kate: Let's take a break. We're going to come back and hear from a few more piercers. So let's recalibrate and we'll talk to you in a bit in a second.
Doree: BRB. All right. Oh, we are back. And here's a text. In the past year, I've gotten three ear piercings and a long loathed tattoo covered up with another better one. It's been part of my journey to reclaim my body from the patriarchy slash diet culture and not to be so precious about it, and also to stop giving so many fucks as a 42 year old adult. I love my new body art, and I'm glad I did it. It's become a new part of my laid back style, which has helped me feel more connected to my body. I say, go for it. Love this attitude.
Kate: Yes. I love this. The context of it being a part of your journey to reclaim your body from the patriarchy and diet culture.
Doree: Yes. A thousand percent.
Kate: I hadn't really thought about body art in this way, but yeah. Yes. Way to go.
Doree: Yeah. I agree.
Kate: This also, this idea of not being so precious about it is really interesting to me, because that's something I do think about of if I get a tattoo, what if I hate it when I'm 80 and my grandkids don't like it? It's like, well, who cares? It's just amazing. Okay, so this listener chimed in about a nose rep piercing. We're going to play their voicemail. But I thought it was interesting because in a private conversation that you and I had, at some point, I believe you told me I should rep pierce my nose. Am I dreaming this?
Doree: Oh My gosh. No, you are not dreaming this. Okay. So here's what happened. Kate and I were together, IRL, and we were at this panel discussion, and Kate was sitting across from me at a table, and the discussion was like to our left. So we had to kind of turn our heads to watch it. And so I saw Kate's face in profile, and I was like, oh my gosh. Kate's nose would look so great with a little stud right there. I could just, I saw it so clearly. It was weird.
Kate: Wow. Yeah. That's wild.
Doree: It was intense. So yeah, you were
Kate: Really having a moment.
Doree: I think that you should fulfill this vision of mine and just get a little nose stud. And I think
Kate: Touching
Doree: It should go on your left nostril. Yes. That one,
Kate: That's, that was where my nose was pierced when I did have my nose
Doree: Pierced the side. That's the side that
Kate: You were seeing it.
Doree: I was seeing it. I could really see it. So I think you should honor my vision.
Kate: Okay. But didn't you also have your nose pierced or am I making that up.
Doree: No, no, I did. I did. I had a nose ring, not a stud.
Kate: That's even cooler. Honestly. It was love, a nose ring,
Doree: 1996 and it got infected and it was gross, and I had to take it out. So yeah, here we are.
Kate: Okay.
Doree: 25 years later. So Kate, I think you should do it.
Kate: All right. Well, let's hear from this listener who rep pierced their nose.
Doree: Okay. Let's do that.
Voicemail: Hi Kat and Dor. This is Emily, longtime listener calling in about adult piercings. I'm 37 and I just got my nose re-pierced this year, almost 20 years since I originally got it done when I was 18. And I was inspired by my friend who is in her early forties and got hers pierced for the first time. And it's been so great. I feel so confident about it. And I will say I initially took my nose ring out when I first started my career in corporate America working for mostly middle-aged older men who didn't get it. Well, guess what? It's 2020s times have changed, and the corporate environment is different. And by the way, I'm the boss now, so I feel very confident embracing it. So anyway, highly encourage you to get whatever you want. Pierce embrace that Gen Z mentality. PS Kate, my mother was also always a free mugger, frequently spelling in the car. I also tried once to free mug in my mother-in-laws car, and she shot that down very quickly as if I was a toddler. Anyway, so keep on the free muggings. Bye.
Doree: I respect your mother-in-law. I'm just going to say that we've been hearing from a lot of free muggers, and I'm sure we're going to hear from them on a future episode. And I will just, be cringing the entire time.
Kate: It's going to take a while. It's going to take a lot of work to put together all the messages because there are so many other free muggers in the world. But keep in mind, we're only hearing the free mug folks, the
Doree: I know. I know. Everyone's revealing themselves as free muggers
Kate: Someone, someone
Doree: Like, Ugh.
Kate: We had this pitched the idea of doing a free mugger mug merch, and a lot of people were like, yes, do it. And one person wrote in, I'm going to paraphrase and probably get it wrong, but they're like, please do two mugs, free mugger on one. And then Rational Human Being on the other. I really laughed hard at that.
Doree: See, they get it.
Kate: Your people are out there, don't worry. They're just silently all cringing and listening to the free muggers.
Doree: I know. I know. We're just not hearing from them. But it has been hilarious for me to see all the messages from the free Muggers.
Kate: Free mugging community.
Doree: I mean, Kate, you've really found your people.
Kate: I have. And let me guess, I wonder what the percentage of them that have ADHD like me. I bet it's pretty high. Not going to lie.
Doree: We did. Well, I know we're, we'll get to this in a future episode, but
Kate: Not to like diagnose from an armchair.
Doree: I know, but it was interesting. There was at least one where someone was like, Doree's connection with the Bedtime Rebellion and stuff blew my mind. Because I do think it's all connected.
Kate: Well, you know, and I have a personal inside joke about how you do offer a lot of thoughts, and they're always right. You're very good at seeing what's going on.
Doree: But that puts a lot of pressure on me. Okay.
Kate: Okay. I mean, you're like a 10 outta 10 at this. I mean, you're right. It is part of the Bedtime Rebellion.
Doree: It's just because I am a doctor.
Kate: I mean, this is great. I love the idea of piercing your nose. I'm not going to lie. It's tempting. I don't think I'm going to do it. It's tempting.
Doree: I mean, you could do it and then just take it out. It's reversible.
Kate: I know. It's true. It's all reversible. I know.
Doree: Wow. I'm pushing this. This is interesting.
Kate: I know. It's interesting because you're not normally like a pusher, especially of piercings.
Doree: I know. I know. But I liked it.
Kate: Here we are.
Here we are. All right, one more, one final email from the Piercing World. This was really sweet. This person wrote, Hey, Kat and Dor, longtime listener. Since season one, first time emailer, I was just listening to mini up 359 and had to share my dad's piercing story. My dad got three large piercings, parenthesis, large gauges in one ear at the age of 61. This is immediately after his retirement from a long career. I was at first nervous and took it as an indicator that this mental health, that his mental health could be on the rails. But eventually I realized how happy it made him, and I was proud of him for making a change that brought him joy. Apparently he felt inhibited from getting piercings while in his corporate office job, particularly as a guy. So his retirement was a liberation point being, I'm absolutely pro getting a piercing at any age. But when someone in your life does make sure you don't assume to know the why they do it.
Doree: I love this.
Kate: So cool. I love this too. Way to be supportive of your dad
Doree: And way for your dad to just do something that made him happy. And also kinda sad that for so long he felt like he couldn't really be himself.
Kate: This is the second mention of corporate America. I just wanna note that because it sure does stifle.
Doree: It's true. Well, Kate, actually that's a good point. We should probably talk to HR before you get a nose piercing.
Kate: Yeah, we don't know if we're allowed to wear it here in the Forever35 headquarters,
Doree: So let's make a note of that. Okay.
Kate: Okay, deal.
Doree: Kate, let's take a little break and we're going to come back with a couple unrelated messages from listeners. Great. Okay. We are back. And as promised, we have an unrelated message about superlatives, a topic that is still going. Apparently,
Kate: you know what? It will never end. Let's call superlatives the best topic,
Doree: Most likely topic, most likely to succeed. Class clown. Okay, here we go.
Kate: Oh my God. Okay.
Voicemail: Hey guys, at just had my pause the pod moment. I'm listening to your year in review episode, and you're talking about the issue with superlatives in your high school yearbooks. And while I completely agree that for the most part it's just an awful thing to do, just like you guys have been saying, it's for other people, it might just be this throwaway joke or comment, but for the rest of us, it stays with us for the rest of our lives. And so obviously I think it should be done away with. However, for me personally, it was really positive experience. I considered myself to be a quote nerd in high school. I had the feeling that kind of people looked down on me. I didn't feel like very popular. And I was in a lot of AP classes and I got voted most likely to be a superhero. And it was a complete surprise. And I was very touched and pleased. And that has really stuck with me. So I know I'm in the minority here, but I just wanted to say that it does exist that I had a really, I was so happy to have been voted for that. It was very strange. It was another, it was a boy who was considered it was, again, not okay, but every time a person who presents this female and a person who presents his male was always chosen. And the boy who was chosen most likely to be a superhero was a boy that was considered quite popular. And so I had a great day where we got to go take pictures for the yearbook, and you guys were just talking about the superlatives, and I was remembering how good that made me feel. And like I said, I know I'm in the minority, and I'm very lucky. Anyways, I love the pod. I love you guys. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
Doree: Wow. Okay.
Kate: I love, this is so great. I'm so glad that you had this positive experience. Most likely to be a superhero too, is I actually kind of like this superlative. It's not based on looks, it can really kind of go to anybody. I don't know this one. I feel like of all the ones that we've heard, this one's really sweet.
Doree: Totally. And also just once again, sort of drives home the idea that our self-perceptions are often, I don't wanna say wrong, but people don't perceive us in the same way that we perceive ourselves. And we are often harder on ourselves than people are on us.
Kate: Ain't that the truth?
Doree: And so I think it's just important to step outside our own narratives for a second.
Kate: I love that. Doree. All right, Doree, we're going to end on this question. This is an email we got. Hey, I have a big time adult question. I'm in my early forties and dating. Never thought I'd be saying that, but here we are, a gentleman who I'm falling for, but have yet to be intimate with, revealed to me that he is HSV2 positive. I super appreciate the honesty and the courage, and it must have taken to tell me that before our relationship got physical. However, I'm totally torn on what to do next. My brain is telling me that since he's taking a daily prescription to prevent outbreaks, and we would practice safe sex, something I would insist upon anyway, that it should be okay if the worst happened. It's not a terminal illness, but the part of me that grew up entrenched in gross purity culture is shouting for me to run away. That it's not worth the risk that we are in a committed relationship, and it is foolish of me to potentially jeopardize my health and any future relationships with a potential exposure slash diagnosis. PS, I would've asked to swap test results before getting hot and heavy. But I wanna share with our listener friends that I just learned most STI panels, even comprehensive ones, don't screen for herpes. You have to specifically ask for it. Thanks, modern healthcare love ya'll, and thanks for being my girlfriend sounding board on this. So listener one, I really appreciate you considering us for your sounding board here. That's really an honor. I have never been in your position, nor have I ever tested positive for HSV2. So I'm going to tell you the honest answer is that I don't know. And I think that you should consult a medical professional first and foremost on this one. And I think we wanna open this question up to people in the audience who maybe have been, in your experience excuse me, have been in your position or have had a similar experience, or who may be on the other side of things as the HSV2 positive person. Because this seems as much as I would love to give advice here, I really don't personally, and I think, Doree, I'm going to speak for you, don't feel qualified. I think you have a lot of interesting things that you're reflecting on here, listener. And I would love to just, I want you to get your answers, but I don't think they can come from me or you, Doree, would you agree?
Doree: Yeah. I mean, I can tell you what I've read in Facebook groups, but that's not medical advice. And I don't wanna give medical advice on this podcast. So I'm going to defer to listeners who may be able to offer medical advice. And I would also encourage you to ask a medical professional as needed as we stay up top.
Kate: And I would say like, look, you're falling for this guy. If you've got a good one here, don't let him go. That's the romance writer in me talking.
Doree: Yeah. I mean, I want to say that if he doesn't have an active outbreak, you are not at risk of contracting it. But I don't want to say that with full confidence without getting confirmation from, again, a medical professional. I personally don't think this should be a deal breaker, but that is just my vibe. And it might not be your vibe.
Kate: And your vibe is everything.
Doree: Your vibe is the vibe, so. All right. Well, Kate, this has been a pleasure.
Kate: Doree. I will talk to you when I get my nose pierced.
Doree: I can't wait. All right. Bye everyone.
Kate: Bye everybody.