Mini-Ep 353: Buying Into Big Lotion
Kate and Doree share an update on the Forever35 Giving Circle before hearing from listeners about peeing while running, in-shower lotions that they swear by, and changing the gift giving culture within their family.
Mentioned in this Episode
To leave a voicemail or text for a future episode, reach them at 781-591-0390. You can also email the podcast at forever35podcast@gmail.com.
Visit forever35podcast.com for links to everything they mention on the show or shopmyshelf.us/forever35.
Follow the podcast on Twitter (@Forever35Pod) and Instagram (@Forever35Podcast) and join the Forever35 Facebook Group (Password: Serums).
Sign up for the newsletter! At forever35podcast.com/newsletter.
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links.
Transcript
Kate: Hello and welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I am Kate Spencer,
Doree: And I am Doree Shafrir.
Kate: And we are not experts.
Doree: We're not, but we are two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.
Kate: And this is a mini episode where we hear from you, we share your comments and your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability.
Doree: But please do remember, we are podcast hosts. We're not experts. We always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Kate: If you want to reach us, our voicemail number is (781) 591-0390. You can also text us there and our email is Forever35podcast@gmail.com. And I did wanna put out like a request.
Doree: Oh, ok.
Kate: If anyone wants to dial us and tell us how, if you're an American who celebrates Thanksgiving, call us from the bathroom and let us know how Thanksgiving is going.
Doree: Oh my God.
Kate: Give us whatever hot Thanksgiving gossip is happening at your family's Thanksgiving or your Friendsgiving or whatever, kind of giving you experience. And perhaps it's not at all, but if you do, you know how there's always just some sort of story from Thanksgiving.
Doree: Yes, I do.
Kate: Yeah, tell us how it's going.
Doree: I love that request. You can visit our website forever35podcast.com for links to everything we mentioned on the show. We are on Instagram @Forever35podcast and you can join the Forever35 Facebook group at facebook.com/groups/forever35podcast. The password over there is serums and we also have a newsletter Forever35podcast.com/newsletter. I am going more on this in a bit. I can, can't promise this, but I'm going to try to get our gift guide out as a newsletter before the episode actually airs. So newsletter subscribers, not like a week before, but the day before. So newsletter subscribers will get a jump on everything that we recommend. Now,
Kate: I'm really excited about this gift guide. I have to say I'm actually in my hand. I'm using one of the things that I'm putting in the gift guide. So, right
Doree: Now I'm hoping I can get this together.
Kate: Okay. Whatever I can do to help.
Doree: I just wanna set expectations low. But if you want to potentially get that gift guide early, do sign up at Forever35podcast.com/newsletter. And just a reminder also that you can shop all the products that we mentioned on the show that we endorse strongly at ShopMy.us/forever35. And just another reminder about our collab with Balance Bound, balancebound.co/shop/forever35, I'm using, I use my stuff every day. I'm not going to lie
Kate: I do too. Actually. I just used my planner from them and I use my journal from them all the time. I love my Balance Bound products. They're really good. The quality is excellent. I mean, yeah, It's so good that my dog tried to chew my, sometimes it's not, it's just not that deep post-it notes.
Doree: Wow.
Kate: Yeah, she loves them.
Doree: How dare she. Well, so I alluded to this with the newsletter, but we, I just wanted to give a quick programming note about next week before we get into it. We will be running the gift guide episode on Monday, so giving you time to get all ready. And then Wednesday and Friday we will be airing reruns to give ourselves a little bit of a break. And as previously discussed, Kate will be incommunicado on a cruise. Anyway, so
Kate: My first cruise.
Doree: First cruise. So yeah, so Monday gift guide, Wednesday, Friday reruns.
Kate: I just wanna say, if you happen to be on this cruise with me,
Doree: Oh my gosh, how fun would that be?
Kate: And we somehow figure out that we're both on the cruise together. Please say hi. If you're going on a cruise, the week of Thanksgiving?
Doree: That would be amazing.
Kate: Let me know. Send a text.
Doree: That would truly be amazing
Kate: Because I would love a friend on the cruise. Not that my family and my extended family that they're not my friends, but it would just be a fun what a fun treat.
Doree: What a fun treat.
Kate: We can meet at one of the water slides again, I've never been on a cruise, so look out
Doree: As discussed. Kate has not been on a cruise.
Kate: Sorry. I know. I just feel like it's such, it feels so overwhelming and new and I don't know what to expect. And also the fact that I can't just text you while I'm on the cruise is stressful because I feel like I love having somebody to update or to be like, whoa, can you believe it or just be help. I don't know how to do this.
Doree: And there's no computer lab?
Kate: No, there's no internet cafe on the cruise from what I can tell.
Doree: That's what I'm wondering. No business center.
Kate: I mean, maybe there is. It seems like they've thought of everything. There's like 10,000 restaurants and 50 performances, but I don't know about a business center. That's a good question.
Doree: Is there standup comedy?
Kate: I think so. There's definitely a musical performance. There's an ice skating show. I've never experienced anything like this. I'm very excited and I'm also excited to get to be with my in-laws.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: It'll be fun. It'll be fun to get to do this with them. Anyway,
Doree: Anyway, Kate, we have an update.
Kate: On an entirely different note. Yeah, I'm like a little bit emotional about this, to be honest with you.
Doree: Same.
Kate: Okay.
Doree: So same.
Kate: At some point this summer we started a Giving Circle with the State's project and Doree, I believe this was initially your idea, something that you wanted to do with the podcast.
Doree: It was, and I got the idea from Virginia Soul Smith who writes the Burnt Toast Newsletter, and she had started a Giving Circle for her newsletter subscribers. And I was like, that's such a cool idea. We should do that.
Kate: So we went into this with I think zero expectations. The way the Giving Circle works with the State's project is that we are raising funds for candidates on the local level. This does not mean candidates running for governor does not mean candidates, I believe. Am I correct on that?
Doree: Yeah, you're correct. Yeah. Does not mean candidates running for the US Senate.
Kate: Right.
Doree: None of that. House, State,
Kate: No Presidents
Doree: Legis state legislative races. I don't even think they're raising, they're not raising money for governors either. Governors, secretary of State, none of that. It's It's the legislatures. Very narrow focus, which I liked. I feel like sometimes it feels like fundraising is this sort of water hose that they just kind of spray and there's no real focus. So I really liked the focus of this. Anyway, please proceed. Sorry Kate.
Kate: Well, we went into this, like I said, with low expectations. I think our initial goal was to raise $10,000.
Doree: Yes,
Kate: We donated money, you and I as a podcast.
Doree: Yes, we did.
Kate: To get it kicked off. We did. And we exceeded the goal of $10,000 very quickly.
Doree: We did.
Kate: And so we raised the goal to $20,000. And to be clear, this is funds raised by you, the listeners of this podcast, people who either heard us talk about this or saw us mention it on social media, chipped in and truly chipped in all different amounts of money. And by the end of our fundraising tenure in October, the listeners of this podcast, that would be you, raised $51,961,
Doree: Omg,
Kate: Which is so much money. And we held a Zoom for anyone who had donated to get to vote. We had Melissa Walker from the State's project on to talk to us about the different areas and different states that this could go to. And everyone there who attended voted and we decided all the money raised in the Forever35 giving Circle was going go to folks running in Pennsylvania where Doree went to college.
And as you probably know if you've read the news, what has happened is that Democrats obviously had an incredible showing that was not expected and that happened on in some of the national elections. But it also really happened at the state level. The Democrats going to quote, this is a quote from the American prospect. Democrats didn't lose control of a single legislative chamber. They flipped the Michigan State Senate. They're still in the running to flip chambers in Minnesota, Arizona, and Pennsylvania. They fend off Republican super majorities in North Carolina and one trifecta that would be Governor House and Senate in Maryland and Massachusetts by snapping up open governor seats. And so much of this happened because of the work of the state's projects and money raised through Giving Circles like ours. So right now as we record this the Pennsylvania House is on the verge of flipping. It's currently too close to call, which they won 11 seats. There are three races that are uncalled. And this was, I think went beyond expectations. That's what I've gather.
Doree: They were expecting to make inroads this year and were hoping to flip the house in 2024. And now it's looking like this might happen this year.
Kate: We just sat in on a Zoom that talked about some of this organized through the States project and learned that because of this funding were candidates were able to and their teams were able to knock on over a million doors in Pennsylvania. A million. A million. What?
Doree: It's wild.
Kate: So this is all because of you all and the contributions that you made as individuals to a larger group, which then became part of a larger group. Honestly, I don't know if I've ever really sat and seen or looked at the actual impact of financial dollars to elections in this way. And it's just been incredibly moving and it's really meaningful in terms of protecting the rights that we care about.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: So I just wanna say thank you from the bottom of this podcast heart. This is just so amazing. We're both so grateful for everyone who contributed and we hope to do it again.
Doree: Yeah, I mean think that this has shown that there's a lot of power at the local level. There's a lot of power in investing at the local level.
Kate: Amen. Doree a freaking men to this. We received a voicemail today, we don't need to play it, but we received a voicemail that meant noted that the giving noted what had gone on with the Giving Circle and asked if it was going to happen for Georgia. And I believe what this listener is referring to is the runoff between Rafael Warnock and Herschel Walker in Georgia. So just to be clear, the State's project is focused on local elections. So that right there should answer the question. I don't know if you're referring to local elections in Georgia, I can't speak to that because we don't technically work for the States project, but you could direct that question to them. But if you are concerned about the runoff, which obviously I would urge you to donate directly to the Warnock campaign.
Doree: Yeah, I think that's great advice. Alright, well Kate, I'm like high from that news, I
Kate: Also feel high.
Doree: I know it's so great. Okay, we are going to take a short break and we'll be back in a flash. All right. The flash has flashed
Kate: Well Done.
Doree: So flashed. I don't know. We got an email about running. Hi Kate and Doree, I've been loving your recent discussions about running. I challenge myself to run my first marathon before I turn 30, and now I've got 5 26.2 milers under my belt. Wow. I haven't run a single race of any distance since 2018, but as I approach my 37th birthday, I'm toying with the idea of getting back into it and potentially entering the lottery for the Chicago Marathon. Curious if there are more listeners in this boat and if a forever35 Facebook group for runners would be of interest to anyone. As a side note, I'm a former New York Roadrunners employee and I want to wish Doree all the best in getting a spot in the NYC half. Well, thank you.
Kate: Fingers crossed.
Doree: I didn't run all week because I was a little sick, so hoping to get back into it this week.
Kate: Is there a forever35 runners Facebook Group?
Doree: There's just the Forever35, I think it's health and fitness.
Kate: I would be interested in a run walk group.
Doree: I mean I think that encompasses
Kate: Run Includes walk without saying you need to saying walk.
Doree: Yeah, exactly.
Kate: Okay. Yeah, I love this idea. I would definitely be mean personally. I would be interested in this Facebook group if you wanna start it listener. By all means. There are definitely other Forever35 runners out there cuz we've heard from a bunch of them.
Doree: Yeah,
Kate: Including this next person. Here's an email gals. Thanks for the inspiring running talk on today's episode. I too love me some running after having babies though I definitely pee a little bit when I run, especially downhill. I've done pelvic floor therapy and I don't pee when I do any other activities. So I think running is just uniquely tough on the old pelvic floor. Can you speak to this at all? What are your pelvic floors after having carried babies? Do we just accept that P will sometimes happen and lace up our sneaks? Anyway, thanks for being a place. I can ask questions like these.
Doree: So funnily enough, I am working on a story about pelvic floor therapy for romper.com that I think will be out in the next few weeks. And so I've learned a lot about pelvic floor therapy in the last few weeks. You say that you've done pelvic floor therapy, I would go back and do more and say, you know what I like, I've managed to solve my peeing when doing everything else, but when I run I still pee. What do I need to do to fix this? I don't think that we should just accept that pee will sometimes happen. This is one thing that I have taken away from all of these conversations,
Kate: Interest, interesting
Doree: People who have given birth. You don't just need to accept the status quo of whatever that is, whether it's pain or incontinence or pooping, whatever it is, you can try to make yourself feel better.
Kate: I love that. That's really good advice.
Doree: Definitely see a pelvic floor therapist and I will talk about this in the article as well. There are a lot of devices right now out there on the market that they can be beneficial, but they can also cause more harm than good if you are not using them under the auspices of a pelvic floor therapist.
Kate: And these are things that the average person could just buy on their own.
Doree: Totally. Yeah. Okay. They can just that say these are for your pelvic floor and there's also, there's like pelvic floor influencers who have kegal programs, but your pelvic floor might not need kegals. So this is all to say, I don't think this is something that people should try to self manage.
Kate: Thats really good advice. I mean I can say for myself, I have never done pelvic floor therapy, but I probably should. This is something I've just kind of been like, oh I guess I pee sometimes. And what I'm hearing you say is I don't have to live that life. I mean it might be that way, but they could something to try,
Doree: That is what you're hearing me say.
Kate: Okay.
Doree: That is exactly what you're hearing me say, Kate.
Kate: Yeah, I mean just to answer this listener's question, so I had my first kid 12 years ago, which is bonkers and she ended up being an emergency C-section, but I labored and was pushing. So there was some pelvic floor stuff there. I mean also just the pelvic floor gets kind of bonked around just having a thing inside of you and then the second kid came out vaginally. So it's been a journey, it's been a pelvic floor journey and again, one that I've kind of not paid attention to. So thank you Doree. Thank you listener. Okay. We hope to talk more about this on upcoming episodes too, I think. And in part due to Doree's research and she's really leading the charge here on this pod and talking about our pelvic floors. Leading the discharge?
Doree: Oh no, no. Oh no boo. Ah Kate, we got a text addressed to you that says, I commend you for not deciding to run the Boston Marathon. It's hard to say no, but so great that you were able to prioritize and see it through clear eyes. Love this reminder of how saying no can truly be self-care.
Kate: Aw.
Doree: Did you feel seen? Yes. When you got this text?
Kate: I did and we got another text or email. I went to go find it and I couldn't find it. But someone who is a runner was like, it sounds like you haven't really thought through the how intense. It's mostly training, right? There's the race day day, but really what a marathon is, is the training and that is really what kind of scared me away. And I will say all this week I've been like, Jesus, I'm really glad I'm not training for a marathon right now. What the fuck was I thinking? I actually, we heard from another listener who was like, Hey your body, you've been dealing with Covid for a long time, long covid, whatever you wanna call it. Yeah. Your body does not need to be running. And I wrote back and I said,
Doree: Totally.
Kate: You're right. Totally. So thank you listener, I appreciate this. And also just in general it is sometimes saying no is true is self-care. It just is.
Doree: Oh a thousand percent. Yes
Kate: Justice.
Doree: But it's hard to say no to something that you thought you really wanted.
Kate: Well and I still want theoretically want to do it. It's confusing, right? Yes. But you just kind of, you know, no doesn't necessarily mean no forever. Nos can be a future. Yes. No right now,
Doree: No right now,
Kate: No right now. Alright. on that, no right now note, let's take another ad break and we'll be right back.
Doree: Okay. We're back with an email. I'm perpetually behind schedule in the morning and never managed to put lotion on after I get out of the shower. But I also have Sahara dry skin. I use the Nivea shower moisturizer, I slather it all over my legs and leave it on a minute or two while I wash my hair, then rinse head to toe. I have no idea if this extra time makes a difference. I come out of the shower with that lotion has already sunk in moisturized feeling but not greasy. It makes a big difference, especially in dry northeastern winters. I bet any of the drugstore brands are comparable, but I have unpredictably sensitive skin and know Nivea works for me. So I've stuck with that.
Kate: I want this stuff because I also kind of hate putting lotion on after a shower. Hate the sticky cold body feeling.
Doree: Yeah, totally. I'm with you.
Kate: And I would try Nivea because it reminds me of my grandma. Smells good. That like grandma. Oh she used to have the tins of Nivea everywhere. Remember the tins?
Doree: I sure do. You can still get them.
Kate: I know. Anyway, so thank you listener. We had another voicemail kind of along this topic line. Alright, here we go.
Voicemail: Hi this is Morgan in Portland. I just had my first pause the pod moment. What experience I just calling. I'm the middle of, I don't know if the episode is called Boom boom room, but it should be the listener who inquired about in shower lotions as a new mom, as a fellow new mom though at my kid's, about to turn one, so I guess not so new mom anymore. I got into the habit when she was very new and I did get a chance to shower of using in shower lotions. I am a lifelong full body slatherer and I couldn't quite get the energy up to do that after a shower, much like this listener. And I turned to my old faithfuls from I think high school of Jergens and Nivea in shower lotions. Both are great. I do find that I get some buildup on the skin which is not ideal and it makes me want to not use them long term, but they're great in a pinch. I hope it's helpful. And to that listener, you're doing great. Ask for help. You deserve time just for you. It will make you better and more rested. Take care and thanks pod. Love you both, Bye.
Kate: People are really selling me on this lotion. It's working. Do you all work for the shower lotion industry? Maybe. They work for big shower lotion.
Doree: For big lotion.
Kate: Alright, well before we wrap, we received a text message about gift giving and the holidays. And since we are once again in that season, we wanted to share this one. Try to give this listener some advice. Hi Kat and Dor. I would love some advice from you or other listeners on navigating changes in gift culture in families. Not that anyone needs to justify any decisions, not to spend their own money, but my spouse and I have a new baby are trying to save to buy a home and are looking for ways to minimize expenses at the holidays and focus on spending quality time with loved ones over giving physical gifts. We both come from families that love a sense of abundance when it comes to exchanging gifts at the holidays and there's a lot of emphasis on everyone having lots of things to unwrap and excuse me.
Yes. While this might sound a bit materialistic, I also think it is well-intentioned our parents to feel like they're providing for us. And I think gifts are my mother-in-law's love language. I've felt for a few years that this culture is not my thing, but given new financial pressures, this really feels like the year to change things. I know that I could just scale down the amount quantity of gifts for the adults and my spouses families, but I really hate to think of others spending a lot of money and effort on picking out gifts for me as they have in the past and only giving them a stocking stuffer or nothing at all in return. Would you let everyone know in advance that you're pairing back on gifts this year, suggest a price limit? Something else that I'm not thinking of help. I wonder if it would be worth suggesting everyone picks one person so there's not the need to buy multiple gifts for multiple people. You could, or the folks who want to really give a lot could they could focus that on that one person. Now I know. Then you lead to the discrepancy of what if I get somebody not enough gifts and all that stuff. But that might be a way to change the intensity a little bit and also maybe make it more special or introduces a new tradition. I don't know. I do think it's worth bringing up in some way, because also there are lots of ways to give gifts. They don't necessarily need to be things that you spend money on or spend a lot of money on that then requires mental load work. Especially if creating things is not your thing. Which for me, if someone was like, let's all hand make gifts this year, I would be curled up in the ball and on the floor in a panic. But I do think,
Doree: Kate, I was going to propose that for us exchanging gifts,
Kate: We make gifts for each other. I would be, not only because I don't feel like I'm particularly, this is not really my thing, but also the intensity of me wanting to do a good job and please you or whoever I'm giving the gift to would be so high. It would be a lot for me.
Doree: I get that.
Kate: But it also could be fun. But I do think it's worth a conversation. I really do because this is going to continue on and if you're looking to start a family is going to, then the intense gift giving is going to happen to the children who come up in the family and that can be a lot.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: I don't know. Doree, do you have thoughts on this?
Doree: I think you're going to get pushback and I think it's good to come prepared with some scripts and also to think of it as a boundary that you're holding. Because in my experience for people for whom gifts are their love language and they enjoy buying gifts, being told you can only buy one gift this year is going to be a personal affront to them. So I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, I'm just saying I would go into it prepared for some emotional terrorism.
Kate: Wow, you're saying have a strategy. Have a strategy.
Doree: Yeah. Yeah. And I only know you based on this paragraph that you've written into us. So I don't know the real family dynamics and this and that. Also, I couldn't tell from this, you said, oh right, okay. We both come from family, so it's not just one side.
I would suggest that each of you deals with your own side of the family. So I think you deal with your parents and your partner deals with their parents. So that's number one. Number two, I think it's really important to be very transparent and honest about why you are doing this. What you just said, we have a new baby we're trying to save to buy a home, we just don't have money right now. I would not frame it as a big existential thing and I know that kind of implies that it's temporary, but I think at least now you're getting the train moving. You know what I mean? I feel, I don't know, and I could be totally wrong about this, but my sense from this is that if you start saying things like we wanna focus on spending quality time with loved ones over physical gifts, but it's materialistic, people are going to feel judged and that is not going to end with your desired result.
Kate: This is all true. Doree, I'm really here for this advice.
Doree: So I guess my advice again without knowing too much about your family dynamic would be to put it on yourself and just say, we we're really trying to cut back. If you wanna get us gifts, that would be great, but we're just not in a position this year to be able to afford gifts for everyone. So maybe we could just buy them for the kids or whatever. The other thing is, if you're worried about physical gifts and it sounds like your love language is quality time, as is mine, I would ask for experience gifts ask for memberships to a aquarium or children's museum or an art class or a music class or just whatever. That way you're not adding to the clutter of the home and perhaps these are things that you would've bought anyway for your family or maybe they were things that were out of reach for your family and here's a nice way that you can get them for your family.
Kate: I think that's perfect. This is really these navigating, this is tough.
Doree: It is tough. And I get a whiff of judgment in this email.
Kate: Oh, okay, go on.
Doree: That I don't disagree with necessarily, but I think it's there and that is why I said I would not frame it that way as I went into this conversation with my family
Kate: Listener. I'm going to need to know what you do.
Doree: Kate needs to know. Please text us.
Kate: Yeah, I'm I, I'm really curious. So let us know how you handle it because these are such tricky because you've got financial challenges, you've got family dynamics. It's just rough. It's just rough. Yeah. You've got your partner's family that you don't know might not know as well as your own family. It's just navigating a lot. So any advice people have, let us know as we get deeper into these holidays. You know what, let's talk about it. Let's get into it.
Doree: Yeah, let's do it. Alright. I mean I love questions like this and also I love to be proven wrong. So tell me I'm totally off base please
Kate: And we can text us and tell Doree she's off. Well, I'm over here in the corner making a handmade candle for Doree's holiday present. You all. Please text us and call us and
Doree: oh, I just watched a TikTok about how candles are toxic. So no more candles for me.
Kate: Alright,
Doree: Bye everyone.
Kate: Wow. On that note. Bye everybody.