Mini-Ep 317: Your People Are Out There
Kat and Dor have their travel backpack selection in the bag! Then, listeners ask about low maintenance hair care, wonder what to do about a post-lunch red nose situation, and send in thoughts on affluent friends.
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Transcript
Kate: Hello friends, welcome to 35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I am Kate Spencer
Doree: And I am Doree Shafrir,
Kate: And we are not experts.
Doree: No, but we are two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.
Kate: And this is a mini episode where we hear from you. We share your comments and thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability
Doree: Indeed. But please do remember we are podcast hosts. We are not experts. We always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Kate: If you would like to reach us, you can wrangle Dingle us on the voicemail or tingle Ingle us a text at 7 8 1 5 9 1 0 3 9. Do loved tingle wing. I can see it on her.
Doree: Oh my God.
Kate: Tingle wing us tingle
Doree: Wing.
Kate: <laugh> I just gotta keep you on your
Doree: To story.
Kate: I mean, and then of course can hit us up on the jeans at forever 35 podcast. gmail.com
Doree: Do visit our website forever35podcast.com for links to everything we mentioned on the show. We are on Twitter at forever35pod. We are on Instagram at forever35podcast. There's also a Facebook group at facebook.com/groups/forever35podcast. The password is serums can sign up for our newsletter, even though it's currently on hiatus at forever35podcast.com/newsletter and on shop my shelf, you can check out all the products arranged kind of thematically at shopmyshelf.us/forever35. And I do just wanna put in another plug for our giving circle, which last time I checked was over $13,000, which is amazing.
Kate: And you know what, Doree, we haven't mentioned this, but we've had giving circles. Oh my gosh. Yes.
Doree: Yes. I think she said
Kate: 22, 23 giving circles deformed because of our podcast and our giving circle. And some of the names are really good. Treat people with kindness, music, magic giving and action from the Pacific Northwest with love. I mean, shout out to all the giving circles that you have made. This is so amazing. We're so thrilled and honored to have you participating with us. Thank you
Doree: So cool.
Kate: Yeah. I'm just checking out our numbers. 13, over $13,000 raised. We're doing it. We're doing it.
Doree: We're doing it. We'd love to get to
Kate: 21 thing.
Doree: Yeah, we'd love to get to 20. So if you wanna help us get there, please do donate. The link is in the show notes every little bit helps now, Kate.
Kate: Okay. I'm
Doree: Here. I would like to switch gears a bit.
Kate: Okay. Hold on. I'm shifting into reverse turning, doing a three point turn.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: All right. Okay. And now I'm back in drive. Okay. Here I am.
Doree: Okay. All right. Um, are you driving a stick or automatic?
Kate: I'm in this fantasy. I'm driving a stick, but I don't actually know how to drive stick. So in, in the factual fantasy, it would have to be automatic unless you wanna really be jerked around.
Doree: No, I, I would love to learn how to drive stick.
Kate: I, my dad tried to teach me in our pug station wagon. We also
Doree: Had a pug
Kate: Stop.
Doree: Yeah we did.
Kate: Was it a silvery blue station wagon?
Doree: No, it was like a cream color, beige a beige. It was
Kate: A beige. Oh my gosh. My parents were such Phou loyalists. Like we were the only people I knew who had a Phou.
Doree: That's so funny. We also had a Phou.
Kate: Well that my dad tried to take me, teach me a stick in that car. And I was like, you know what? I hate this. I don't. I have to say, do you think it's because I'm lefthanded and it's hard. It was so hard for me to mentally. I mean, I know millions of lefthanded people drive stick, but it was so hard for me to wrap my head around it. I hated it.
Doree: Oh, maybe, maybe we should just learn how to drive, stick in the UK.
Kate: You know what? That would be so much better. Honestly. <laugh> the UK is so much friendlier to lefties. Yeah. I mean,
Doree: For that reason alone. Yeah. I
Kate: Hadn't even thought about that, but you're so right. Oh, that's very annoying. Yeah. Why did America have to go and make everything confusing? Like why are our cars different?
Doree: I know, right? Why couldn't we use the metric system so much easier?
Kate: Celsius, Celsius makes so much more sense. Well, anyway, we're screwed. We're American, but yeah. I dunno how to drive.
Doree: Um, okay. But the wanted to switch was actually talking about,
Kate: Okay, I'm listening.
Doree: I curious like kind of like what you're, what, what is your go to every day bag that you are carrying around these days? And is there a bag or a type of bag that you feel like you are missing? Because I will tell you, I need, I feel like I need a new backpack and I have not been able to find the perfect one. I got a feel Raven one, like before we went to Disney world in November and I gotta be, I don't love it. It doesn't have enough pockets. It doesn't
Kate: Hold,
Doree: It doesn't hold as much as I thought it would. The side pockets are completely useless. They hold nothing. I just like for the price, which is not that cheap. Like I just feel like, nah, I'm, I'm met on it. And I have this little to me backpack that I got for free at, um, a retreat that Kate and I did that was like partially sponsored by Tomi. Um, and I use that backpack a lot, but it's, it's small. Like I can shove my laptop into it, but then I can't really put anything else into it. So I'm just wondering, Kate, do you have a backpack that you like, do you also feel the lack of a backpack in your life? Is there another type of
Kate: It's fascinating?
Doree: Is there another type of bag that you were like, you know what, I really wish I had an X.
Kate: I actually, I have a specific bag I've been trying to acquire, but they're currently very hard to find, um, which is a travel bag, which is the Patagonia mini maximum legal carryon backpack. This is very specific, but it's a really great BA like carryon backpack that you could put clothes in, as well as like your laptop. I've been trying to find one bad one on eBay. I didn't pick got outbid. What about baboon to the moon?
Doree: Wait a second table that I have a question about the Patagonia bag. Yes. Do they just not make it anymore? Or it's like, it comes in stock and it's immediately sold out,
Kate: You know? I don't know. So I, so I am a former Patagonia employee. I worked at the store in Soho for about two years. I'm like super, super loyal to the brand. I, I really believe in the company. I believe in their products. I love Patagonia forever. So I had their original MLC bag, which is called the maximum legal carryon. It's like a backpack duffle that is like, you can stuff shove so much into. And that was very popular. I did not realize until very recently they made a mini version of it. Oh. And so I don't know. Yes. And I really wanted one for travel this summer, but I don't know if it is super popular and just sold out or if they're on a break from making it, or if there's some sort of like, you know, production issue because there is with everything, but it's called the black hole mini MLC. So that's the bag that I'm on the hunt for. I could, I haven't been able to find a used one, which is where I normally start anyway.
Doree: Okay. Kate, I'm now looking, you're
Kate: Looking for like,
Doree: Well, I'm now looking at the, uh, Patagonia black hole bags page.
Kate: Oh, there's black hole bags.
Doree: There's a whole like wide range of them. These Fanny packs are kind of cute too.
Kate: They are cute. Patagonia makes really great luggage. It's really durable. Huh? Um,
Doree: I did not know that.
Kate: That is my, the backpacks that I, all my backpacks are basically Patagonia, but that's just, again, I'm super brand loyal to Patagonia. Yeah. I always
Doree: Go there first.
Kate: I don't love their computer. I've never like loved a computer bag from Patagonia. Okay. I mean, I, so I don't really have a computer travel bag. I'm going to be traveling. I'm gonna use the away like duffle computer bag. Yeah. Which I like, but you're looking for something you can like carry about town, right?
Doree: Yeah. No, wait, I have a question for you. Is the yes. One that you're looking for the 25 liter.
Kate: Yes. Or 26, I think. But yes.
Doree: It's in stock.
Kate: Shut up.
Doree: Yeah. It's in stock.
Kate: Oh my God. Okay. That means it like it's
Doree: Totally in stock
Kate: Here. <laugh> OK. Oh my God. This is so exciting. Cause
Doree: See, it was, it was meant to be,
Kate: It was, I spent all weekend, like trying to find one of these and then went, got into an eBay battle with somebody. And then I, I mean,
Doree: Unless I'm like looking at the wrong thing, but it looks like, I think it's, I think this is what you're looking for.
Kate: The mini. I
Doree: Texted it to you. Well, it's
Kate: Not. Oh no, this is not it. No, it's not it. This is the pack. Sorry. Yep. I'm specifically looking for the black hole. Mini M L C bag. So if okay. Yon Shinard founder of Patagonia is listening to this podcast. As I know he does, uh, please send me one of these banks.
Doree: Wow.
Kate: Yeah.
Doree: Okay. I mean, it's pretty rude of them not to have it in stock for you honestly. Yeah.
Kate: They're former Kate Spencer, former Patagonia Soho employee demands this bag. Yeah. But their backpack, cyber I think are, are great. And like their, um, you know, their guarantee and their, like they take used products. They sell their used products. It's just, Patagonia's the best. Anyway, during my day to day bag is not a backpack. My current day to day bag is a Claire V like cross body bag that I got on the real reel.
Doree: And that's what you put your laptop in?
Kate: No, I don't ever leave with my laptop. That's not. No, no. This is just my day to day. Like about town, my wallet, my
Doree: Phone. Yes, yes, yes. I
Kate: Saw glasses. Yes.
Doree: Okay. Got
Kate: It. Laptop, laptop bag. I, I don't, I use my like Goyard tote that I got also on no, I got that on posh. Mark. I'll put a laptop in that. Well, I have a iPad. What kind of backpack do I? I have a pad on your backpack that I use that has a computer sleeve. That's it
Doree: Interesting. Interesting. Interesting. Okay. I see that. I'm going to have to do some research.
Kate: Yeah. I mean, I, I get what you're looking for because you and I had a writing date and I saw the computer backpack that you brought mm-hmm <affirmative> and I assumed you were happy with it. I didn't know that you were kind of having this falling out with your F Raven, but
Doree: Yeah, I'm just it's I don't, I just don't love it. Now. I'm curious what people think of the Dagney Dover backpacks.
Kate: I had a Dagney Dover purse that I bought secondhand and I didn't love it, but I've never tried their backpacks now. Here's here's a brand that I am followed by on Instagram that I have come so close.
Doree: Humble brag.
Kate: Oh, not followed. Like they follow me. I mean, they're targeted ads are following me. Oh.
Doree: Was like
Kate: Bragging about, uh, them following me. This is like, I, I look at their luggage all the time and I am very tempted and that is bays B E I S of which pretty little liar star Shay Mitchell is like their face of the brand.
Doree: Okay. You know what, Kate, they are doing a popup at the Grove right now. <laugh>
Kate: You should go. I, they, I, I watch every one of Shay Mitchell's videos where she goes through every bag and every time I'm like, I gotta get this bag and then I just haven't done it.
Doree: Interesting.
Kate: But they have very cool products that seem very well thought out. Now what about a ways backpack? Have you tried that? And then I also wanna go back to baboon to the moon.
Doree: Okay. So Matt has a ways backpack and he really likes it. So that is definitely an option, but it, I don't know. I, I do like it. Um, I think there's, I, I, I don't know. I don't, I think I don't love the design, but I, but you know, I could, I guess I could be convinced, let me, let
Kate: Me
Doree: Take a little Gander at their, their backpacks here. Yeah. You know? Okay. And just preface this by saying away is a sponsor for this podcast. And I love their suitcases.
Kate: Their,
Doree: Their backpacks are a little, like I work in Silicon valley.
Kate: Oh, you don't love the outer style. Yeah. Okay. I wanna another one out there ever. Lane. Oh, renew transit backpack. $85. It is their 15 inch backpack for a 15 inch laptop for easy TSA access catch all zip pockets for passports and tickets, water bottle. Wait,
Doree: This is the, this is the renew transit backpack. You just
Kate: Said that. That's what I'm looking at. Renew transit. Yes. This is intriguing.
Doree: I'm slightly skeptical of this flap on top, but okay.
Kate: Flap a flap. Skeptic. That's fair.
Doree: I'm a flap skeptic, but it does seem roomy and okay. In the video that they have on their website, she has a water bottle in the side pocket, which that I think that is like my biggest pet peeve about the F Raven, the side pocket fits nothing. And so like, it's, it's like a tease. It's taunting me.
Kate: I hate a wasted pocket. It's like insulting. You're you're so right. It's insulting. It's like, why did you put this here? It's
Doree: Like, all you had to do was make it just a little bit bigger. Just a, just a tiny bit bigger. What?
Kate: Like what? Not that hard.
Doree: Not that.
Kate: Okay. Wait, Doree. This Baye suitcase is like, actually what I've been looking for in my life. God damnit, Bayes. Really Bayes. Yeah. But this is like kind of a travel pack suitcase. This is exactly what I want the backpack in black. We call this the day tripper.
Doree: Oh,
Kate: Okay. This looks like more something you might want to bring on an overnight. Okay. The backpack.
Doree: All right. I'm looking, I'm looking.
Kate: Wait, I see to Bayes.
Doree: I see the backpack. I see the two in one backpack. I see the R sack. Are you just talking about their regular backpack?
Kate: It appears to be just called the
Doree: Backpack. The backpack. Yeah. This one is cute. Yeah. You know
Kate: What? It looks like you can pack a ton of stuff in it.
Doree: Yeah. Um, this is interesting. This is very, very interesting.
Kate: I've been looking for something like this, a backpack that opens like a suitcase, like it's zip. So you aren't having these like half zip situations where you're digging for stuff.
Doree: Okay. I thought the same. And the Y Raven is the, it opens all the way
Kate: And I, and you don't like this.
Doree: I do not like it.
Kate: Okay.
Doree: I'm shut out. I do not like it. Now look, this might just be a personal preference thing. I might have been so conditioned by mainstream backpack by big backpack.
Kate: Oh, big backpack runs our lives
Doree: That you know, this new fangled way of opening a backpack, just like through me, but I do not love it. So I think if I get a new backpack, it will not have that opening method. But look, Kate, this has been very helpful. You've given me a lot of options. A lot of food for thought. Well, I did
Kate: Just wanna circle back and mention baboon to the moon, which I never tried their products.
Doree: <affirmative> mm-hmm <affirmative> mm-hmm <affirmative> oh, this is very, this is very cute. This is very Caroline.
Kate: It's very Caroline. Caroline's cute. Like she gets has good
Doree: Style. Yeah, exactly. It's like fun. Colorful
Kate: The bays pop up Doree.
Doree: Okay. We could make it, we could do a field trip
Kate: Now. I, this back
Doree: Field trip.
Kate: A pod field trip. Just to get bags.
Doree: Yeah. Eggs. Yeah. It's for the pod. It's
Kate: For the pod. Well, listen, people might have great recommendations that we are just not aware of.
Doree: Yes. I hope I hope that they do also. It has, it has to be good quality. Like it, it can't fall apart on me. I'm willing to pay a little bit more. Like, I think I would pay up to $150.
Kate: Okay. All right. All you, uh, than that, those backpacks out there.
Doree: Yeah. More than that, I'm kind of like, eh, then we get it. Then, then I feel like we're getting into like fashion backpacks and like, I don't need that. I want like the wide straps. I want this. That's the other thing, like I'm getting older. I don't wanna put my laptop in a tote bag. That's how I end up. That's kinda how I'm gonna end up with sloped shoulders.
Kate: I know, I know. I get, get me a backpack. I understand this journey. I mean, you know, to me has lovely backpacks, but they're up million. Yes. But maybe excited. Maybe have to invest in one. Oh.
Doree: Or maybe second hand.
Kate: Oh, well, second hand is how I buy all my bags. As I mentioned, my current purses used. I mean, I think all my bags at this point are all secondhand. Second hand bag is way the way to go.
Doree: Yeah. Yep. Yep. All Kate, like I said, this has been super helpful now.
Kate: A let's
Kate: All right, Doree. Well, we are back with just a gentle, a gentle email to kinda get us in the mood for today. Okay. All let get. I'm gonna slow down my voice. Okay. Hi, Catora. I just wanted to share what I'm doing right now. It's 9:45 PM in Sydney, Australia. It's a little chilly tonight. Just showered, got into bed, rubbed my new vitamin E cream into my hands in a vein attempt to make them look younger. Listening to you, gals on the pod reading Kate's book. And my cat mittens just came and sat on my lap. That's all goodnight. Wrinkled hands. Never 35 forever.
Doree: Aw, mittens
Kate: A little Australian cat named mittens.
Doree: I mean, what could be better?
Kate: I mean, as we've discussed, it is currently wintertime for our friends down under
Doree: Indeed. I see what you did though.
Kate: Kate. So you, did you hear my <laugh>? Yeah, my really great Australian accent come through. It's
Doree: Really, it was really good. It
Kate: Was well, you know, my children on YouTube, they watch two Australian families all day long and they watch it on our TV. So all day long, I'm hearing Australian children, the Norris
Doree: Nuts,
Kate: The Norris nuts, and the empire family. If anybody out there knows who these people are, you know what I'm talking about? They're just like parents with cute, with lovely kids. And they just do like challenges together,
Doree: Together, together, together. Um, alright, well, thank you, Australian listener.
Kate: Okay. Here's an email we received. Hi, Kate Doree. Wondering if you or your listeners have advice for consistently red nose in a recent zoom work meeting? Someone asked me if I was okay. And when I said yes, they commented that I looked like I had been crying. I looked at my small little square and my nose was very red. I forget if this person commented directly on the color of my nose, but I have since focused on it during all my zoom calls. And it is indeed red. It's not just the screen either. It's red and mirrors too. I talked to some other friends who have told me they have the same issue, particularly during, after lunch zoom calls help. I have a simple skincare regimen though. I stopped using vitamin C and my three brand balancing foam cleanser. As I thought these could be contributing to the red skin.
Doree: Hmm.
Kate: Well, I have some very unsolicited medical advice.
Doree: Oh, go on
Kate: Like take this with a thousand grains of salt. Okay.
Doree: I okay.
Kate: Have a bachelor's degree. And I majored in women and gender studies. So I, I don't have a medical degree.
Doree: Mm-hmm <affirmative>
Kate: Is it possible? You're having a slight allergy to whatever it is you're having for lunch.
Doree: Whoa.
Kate: Well, I'm just saying, it's not like your, I don't think that your skin is suddenly just turning red after lunch because it's like, it's certain time of day. That
Doree: To me is the thing that popped out interesting. Kate way to be a medical detective.
Kate: Yeah. I'm really, you know what, I'm really using all my brain power here because it said friends have the same issue. Particularly during, after lunch. Zoom calls again, this I am not, this is not medical advice. This is just a woman in her bedroom talking.
Doree: No, but I really like how you thought outside the box, you really heard Hoves and you thought maybe that's a zebra,
Kate: Wait, I'm sorry, what?
Doree: Wait, you've never heard this. There's like a, no, there's like a saying in medicine that like, when you hear it's like, when you hear Hoves like you, like, you usually think horses, but sometimes it's a zebra or something like that. Like it's basically like, it's almost always this like normal thing, but like sometimes it's not. And like, you need to think about the other thing. So I'm just saying, I I'm, I'm butchering this saying and I'm sure a doctor can write in and gently correct me, but, um, gently. Uh, but I, I think that's what happened here and I really like it cause I was like, Rosa, rosacea. I D
Kate: Well, that's what it could be. But also that is exactly what it could be. And I could be just like jumping to a conclusion that is not there, but yes. I mean, certainly rosacea could be another thing, correct.
Doree: I mean also not a doctor, but yeah, <laugh>,
Kate: This to me is like take it to the DM.
Doree: I know. That's how I feel too. Take it to the derm.
Kate: And if you're like self conscious of it, you know, just throw some concealer on the tip of your nose and blend it in with a blender and call it a day until you figure out what it is.
Doree: Yeah. I think that's good
Kate: Advice. And, and I do think that this, the person who commented should listen to our episode about talking about commenting on people's bodies, because this is another thing where it's like, they're trying to they're checking in with you, but it becomes a, a comment on your body. So food for thought to that person who did that to you.
Doree: Mm-hmm <affirmative>
Kate: All right. Do, why don't you read this, uh, next email.
Doree: OK. Hi, Kat and Dor. Reaching out to ask your Sage advice about low maintenance hair care. Ever since I had my third child pandemic, baby, I've basically just stopped blow drying my hair. This is fine. It's not important enough to me on a day to day basis to prioritize any who I have fairly thick brunette hair, it's mainly straight. However, the front slash sides has always been straighter than the back, which is semi wavy. And it does get rather poofy when it air dries. And when it's humid, I live in Maryland. So a lot, I don't love the way it looks when it just air dries in my former life, I would blow dry it and straighten. Now I mainly just put it up. Is there any type of product slash balm that might help it dry better or any other tips or tricks that I'm missing and shadow to Doree for inspiring me to move my body more consistently. It feels great. Oh, so happy to hear that.
Kate: Shout out to you.
Doree: Shout out to me. I love when people shout me out
Kate: <laugh> so I would recommend, okay. So two things I have very, I have straight hair that has gotten a bit of a wave in the last few years, just as I think, you know, your hair changes. Um, and my recommendation would be to use a curl cream and keep it in the shower and scrunch your hair. And so that's what I do when I air dry and I don't have curly hair, but it's, I think it's just the product that kind of helps, um, hold the wave a little bit. So that would be my recommendation is don't brush your hair, keep it really damp in the shower, take a squirt of curl cream and scrunch it in and then towel dry and see what happens. And that might give you a little bit of body.
Doree: May I also make a recommendation?
Kate: Yes.
Doree: Okay. So I have a product called the Bumble and Bumble. Don't blow it. Fine hair, air, dry styler. I think I've talked about this product before. I really love it. It's a cream. You put it in your damp hair. You kind of scrunch and your hair air dries like much nicer than it would on its own. Now you say you have thick hair. Well, low and behold, they have another product called the Bumble and Bumble. Don't blow it. Thick hair styler.
Kate: Ooh, this sounds great.
Doree: So I would do that. They also have a surf styling leave in and I've always liked their surf spray. So the surf styling Levon might be another option for you, but full disclosure, I have not used it. It does say that it moisturizes detangles and fights frizz while creating soft beachy waves without the grit. So
Kate: I'm obsessed with this stuff. Story. It is the Ori bay appre beach wave and shine spray. And I use this on wet hair. You can use it on dry hair. It's essentially I think like a bit of a sea salt spray.
Doree: The can I see the bottle? Yeah, I have this.
Kate: Do you have this? Mm-hmm <affirmative> I love this. I especially love the way it smells, but it says just spray on we dry hair toss to taste and let dry in the sane air. Follow with lipstick and heels. Well, I tell you what, I don't do this in sane and I don't follow it with lipstick and heels, but I do really like this UN wet hair. Cause I kinda given up dry my hair.
Doree: Maybe you should go to San Tropez.
Kate: I have never been to San Tropez but I am not opposed. All right, well listener, great question. I bet we'll get some ProRes for you. I would love to hear what other people are using for that kind styling situation. Doree. I love your Bumble and bubble racks. I might go by those.
Doree: I'm a big fan. So I used
Kate: To get my haircut at Bumble and Bumble in New York.
Doree: Oh
Kate: Yeah. Yeah. Memories.
Doree: All right. Um, alright. Let's take a little break and we'll be back with a couple more things from listeners.
Kate: Remember the listener who wrote to us about having like affluent friends who are making them kind of feel less
Doree: Than like shit?
Kate: Just yeah, just the presence of the affluent friends who were, they were a bit ignorant and also it was just that feeling of like, they have more. Yes. And that can make us all feel bad. So we got a couple responses. Here's a text in response to the listener that was in a more affluent community and having trouble finding friends. I find that when you find friends that it has nothing to do with their social economic status, you just have to find your people. Probably what is happening here is that you're falling into the trap where the women get together. And all they talk about is superficial stuff, which means they're going to talk about all the shit they've accumulated or all the things that they have done, but you're not really getting to the bottom of who they are and their values. I have friends who come from all walks of life. What somebody has, has nothing to do with who they are, cat and door is so right. Most of the time it's just generational wealth that gave them a leg up in life. So I just wish their listener would know their value and keep looking. Your people are out there. Don't waste time on people who don't really want to know you, the person you'll be stuck on a loop of keeping up with them, which might make you miserable and even get you into debt.
Doree: Mm.
Kate: Nobody wants to be made miserable.
Doree: No. With their
Kate: Friends.
Doree: No. And I mean, that's a real keeping up with the Jones' situation that this listener points out, you know, you could get into a situation where you're constantly trying to like, have everything that these people have and then you're like, oh fuck, I don't actually have this money.
Kate: Yeah. And that is, I mean, you know, that is so much of, I just think our innate culture cuz kind of consumer is totally culture that we're in. Right. You know? And I also can just speak from my own personal experience as someone who often tries to seek out self-care in buying things, that's spending money. You, someone
Doree: Gonna someone who often seeks out affluent.
Kate: I mean, no, I do not. Uh, no, I, I find that I often try to make myself feel better by buying things. Yeah. Like that's gonna solve it and right. It does it's it is a, it is. There's no spiritual spirituality to be found there. So ultimately like it's not gonna, you know, it's nice to have things I'm not gonna lie, but it's not gonna bring you joy or fulfillment to try to, you know, keep up with the materialism of your peers.
Doree: Aim. Amen. All right. Well Kate, let's hear a voicemail on this same topic.
Voicemail: Hi Kate. And do this is Ellen from St. Louis and I just finished listening to you guys discuss who wrote in, um, with the issue about comparing herself to her wealthy and affluent new friends and neighbors. Um, and it just prompted me. I, I felt prompted to call, I would just encourage this person to come up with some replies that don't necessarily maybe put her in an uncomfortable situation where it's on her to educate these people or to change their minds, but maybe just raises their awareness awareness while keeping her comfortable as comfortable as you can be when you, you know, criticize someone even, um, very subtly. Uh, a lot of times I have had friends who are more fluent than me. I was raised very poor and very low class and not, you know what I mean? And um, I had lots of friends with both parents at home and lots of money and snacks. My mom would always say to me, well, I'm glad that works for their family. We're doing what works for our family. And that's what I've taught my kids to say when like, well she's a phone eight I'm for, if someone's better have a nanny or you know, I'm that works for you. This is what's working best for then maybe that person takes the invitation to have a conversation about it. Or maybe they're like, oh, and they don't. But then they're on notice that they can just shut the fuck up about being so obnoxious. Um, hope it's that I curse. Um, the other thing that I would say is to E listener, to look for other places, for friends, because it's hard, especially if you're in a new community, where do you find them? Maybe get to know the other moms in after school care or people that you might see out and about. I don't know, you gotta be a little brave there, but you can transition away from these people who are, as Kate said, good enough but not good. Boy That stuck with me. And comparison is the thief of joy. Do not let these people take anything away from you. Okay good luck! Bye.
Doree: Kate, did I ever tell you about my mom reading your book and you, you have a line in, you have that line in your book. Comparison is the thief of joy. Yes. Have we talked about this? We have talked about this.
Kate: Your mom did that stand out to her.
Doree: She had never heard it before. And she like,
Kate: so it's like her version of the zebra hoop.
Doree: Yeah. <laugh> and she was like very taken with it and like wrote it down and yeah. And I was like, well, you know, Kate didn't make that, but yes it is. Yes. And I was like, but yes, it is a very good like saying, but yeah, she, she, she was really like a, it really hit her anyway. I loved what this listener said.
Doree: Ah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna take this phrase.
Kate: I'm gonna use this.
Doree: Yes. It's so good. This is,
Kate: I thought this was such a great response.
Doree: Oh, it's so good. I'm gonna use this. Thank you. Listener.
Kate: You're a genius.
Doree: A genius. Huh? All right. Well, Kate, it's been a pleasure.
Kate: Truly. It has. Uh, thank you all. I mean, who knew we could talk about bags for so long?
Doree: I mean, look, love a bag. Give us a topic and we'll just, we'll run. We'll take it there. We'll take it. Yep. All right. All right. We'll talk to you all again soon. Bye.