Mini-Ep 306: Sunglasses and Hot Girl Walks
Kate ices her eyes and Doree celebrates her birthday with a wonderful hot stone massage. Then, listeners send in their thoughts about the Bumble couple, ask how to brighten dull skin, and request help picking out sunglasses.
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Transcript
Kate Spencer: Hello, and welcome to 35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I am Kate Spencer
Doree Shafrir: And I am Doree Shafrir
Kate Spencer: And we aren't experts.
Doree Shafrir: No, but we are two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.
Kate Spencer: We do welcome to a mini episode where we hear from you. We take your questions and your comments, and we wait, we take your questions and your comments, and we try to answer your questions to the best of our ability.
Doree Shafrir: we share your Comments, said it, wrong thoughts. We share your comments and thoughts, and we answer your I to the best of our ability.
Kate Spencer: I was trying to do that from memorization and it, I didn't nail it. I didn't nail
Doree Shafrir: It's. Okay. Okay. That's all right. Okay.
Kate Spencer: All right.
Doree Shafrir: Um, well, I also would like you to remember that we are podcast hosts, not experts, and we always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Kate Spencer: If you wanna reach us, leave us a voicemail or give us a ringle Dingle at the phone number (781) 591-0390. Or hit us up on the jeans at forever 35 podcast, gmail.com.
Doree Shafrir: And you can visit our website forever 35 podcast.com for links to everything we mentioned on the show, shop everything we mentioned on the show. Also at shopmyshelf.us/forever 35. Kate's butt care shelf is live
Kate Spencer: <laugh> it's lit. It is Live little lit. It is just like my butt
Doree Shafrir: In action. So literally you're gonna wanna, you're gonna wanna get on over there. Um, and you can follow us on Twitter at forever 35 pod on Instagram at February 35 podcast. Join the forever 35 Facebook group, where the password is serums. And don't forget to sign up for our newsletter, February five podcast.com/newsletter.
Kate Spencer: Well, I have a prod to just throw the pile of prods.
Doree Shafrir: Great. Toss it on.
Kate Spencer: This is a product that I'm keeping in my fridge and my husband opened the fridge and was like, what are these blue things doing in the fridge? Because I bought a cooling facial tool set from target, which are basically look like two tiny Marraccas. Ooh, they're they're like glass Globes on little glass sticks. I'll I'll make sure we include the link. Wait,
Doree Shafrir: Someone mentioned these
Kate Spencer: Jamie Jamie Greenberg, Jamie makeup passed 35 guest. No, then I did. I was talking about them.
Doree Shafrir: Maybe it was you, someone brought them up recently. Anyway. How are, how are, how are they working out for you?
Kate Spencer: Well, I put them in my fridge and I haven't really tried them because I wanna kind of use them with a serum. Um, and I kind of keep forgetting that they're there because you <laugh> the best part was. So these are, these are basically like, you know, in the family of an ice roller or a Jade roller, it's a cooling tool. That's gonna kind of reduce puffiness inflammation, kind of help you do your lymphatic drainage if you will. um, also just good. If you're crying and need to roll something under your eyes, I opened the box and in my brain, I was like, oh, I'll just throw these in the freezer. That's where they go. And then the immediate thing you see when you open the box is, do not freeze, which was very, I will say very helpful and very embarrassing that I needed that little signage. But yes, because it is water and glass. You do not wanna freeze them You put them in the refrigerator.
Doree Shafrir: Okay. That makes sense.
Kate Spencer: Okay. Um, but I have just kinda rolled them on my face a little bit and they're, they're great. I mean, it's a cool idea. We did have a listener recommend like a, a spoon and I do feel like a, a cooled spoon would probably do the same, but you know, I'm all, I I'm a sucker for a product. So of course I bought these. So I'm kind of planning on doing like a face mask or just like a, a longer, like, I don't know, just like a night in where I kind of just get to like lay in bed and play with my face tools. So I will report back, but I'm very excited to own them. I saw these in a video on Jamie's Instagram and I immediately was like, I want a globe on a stick to rub under my eyes. Of course I do.
Doree Shafrir: You've always liked like a cold thing on your face. Like You love an ice roller.
Kate Spencer: Yes. It really does. Not only does it kind of help tighten everything up, it just, I find it really does kind of eliminate that, like that, like under eye puffiness, like if I've cried too much or haven't slept like, this is where I go with my new eye gel, like, I just, I just am into some tools, some eye tools right now. That's where I'm at. I've got my dear eye masks. I'm just, I don't know. Under eye is maybe like where I'm living here in 2022.
Doree Shafrir: Okay. I'm here for this.
Kate Spencer: Thank you. So did you have a nice break?
Doree Shafrir: I did. And Kate, I just have to thank you publicly for giving me this time for me.
Kate Spencer: Oh my God. Please.
Doree Shafrir: flexible. It just, it, it really, it really helped for recording an episode ahead of time. I mean, you just really, it was great. It
Kate Spencer: Was literally, no, it was easy peasy.
Doree Shafrir: Well, I really appreciate it. Um, yeah, we went to, uh, a town called Summerland, which is on the way to SA it's like two towns over from Santa Barbara. Um, and we rented a house for three nights and it was great. It was really nice. The house was nice. It had an ocean view, Big deck. Um, and I got a massage.
Kate Spencer: All right, take us on a play by play.
Doree Shafrir: Okay. I was like, I'm gonna sell. Cause it was my birthday. Um, a week ago when this airs, it will be, it will have been a week ago and I was like, I'm gonna get a birthday massage. I just have a little afternoon birthday massage. So it wasn't actually on my birthday. It was on, it was the day after, but still, um, and I went to this place called float in Santa Barbara. That's just like a, like a day spa kind of sitch. Um, I do like massages and facials and all that kind of stuff, but it's not like attached to a hotel or anything.
Kate Spencer: Okay.
Doree Shafrir: Free standing spot if you will. Um, and I got the hot stone massage. I've had a couple of hot stone massages my life, I will say. And I've always enjoyed them, but it's, it's not always the thing I gravitate to, but I was like, they're usually very relaxing and I just wanna feel relaxed, Kate, I got to tell you, this was one of th best massages i've ever had, and I've had my fair share of massages.
Kate Spencer: Wow. That's I knows a bold statement.
Doree Shafrir: It is a bold statement, but I feel confident making it.
Kate Spencer: Yeah. You don't speak in hyperbole often. Yeah, I don't. In fact, it's not your
Doree Shafrir: Thing. Some might say I'm a little too critical.
Kate Spencer: <laugh> excuse me. That's set off the cough.
Doree Shafrir: I,
Kate Spencer: I mean, OK.
Doree Shafrir: Look, I'll just, what, what I mean by that is when I make a strong recommendation, you can trust that it is a true endorsement and this was, it was really, really good. My therapist name was Teresa Teresa. I, I forget.
Kate Spencer: Okay. Okay. So
Doree Shafrir: Float in Santa Barbara, if you are in the Santa Barbara vicinity and you need a massage go to float, get a hot stone massage, this is not sponsored. They did. They do not know that I have this podcast. They did not pay for this massage paid for it myself. I just, I was very pleasantly surprised because you know, you never know walking into these kinds of situations.
Kate Spencer: Yeah. You never know if a, you never know good or not.
Doree Shafrir: You never know. Um, but it was really, really, really good. So that was great. That was really great. And I was just really glad. So for you, thank you. I was really glad I had done that for myself.
Kate Spencer: I'm glad you did. I'm really did,
Doree Shafrir: You know, in other, the person that I had been playing tennis with a couple times a week, um, has been unavailable for the past few weeks. She was unavailable for Passover. She had all this family in town, then she was away like, and so one, then I was away. Um, doctor's appointments. Like we've just sort of been like ships in the night. And so I haven't been playing as much and I've also found that I haven't been just like moving my body as much and I need, I need something else. And I don't wanna go back to a gym because my comfort level is just not there with COVID. Um, so I'm, I'm a little bit like, what do I do? Do I pick up running again? Ugh. <laugh>
Kate Spencer: I mean, you could do a hot girl walk. That's all the rage Ann. Shen passed Forever 35 guests. It was Anne danger on Instagram is going for hot girl walks. And I was like, I'm gonna start hot girl walking, which is like a TikTok thing. I don't know if you've seen this on TikTok. People are going on hot girl walks on TikTok. It's basically a mental health walk. You said you don't wanna go back to the gym. Would you do a dance class? Because I do feel like Broadway dance was so Important to you.
Doree Shafrir: It was, but I don't think he does live classes anymore.
Kate Spencer: Okay. Okay.
Doree Shafrir: I feel like I need to find something.
Kate Spencer: Oh
Doree Shafrir: Yeah. Yes.
Kate Spencer: Wait, I wanted to say, what about pickleball? Well, you're like a natural for pickleball
Doree Shafrir: So I'm trying to find something that doesn't require scheduling with other people fair. That is, as you know, I do have some other people to play tennis with, but it is like, you are sort of like reliant on finding a mutually agreeable time. And I can just tell you there's three other women from, um, my group tennis class from a few months ago and we keep trying to find a time to play and like the four of us. And we have literally not been able to find a time.
Kate Spencer: Yeah, that's the night. That's the Nightmare.
Doree Shafrir: Um, so yeah, so I'm just sort of like, can I find something that I can just, do you know what Kate you've given me some ideas, this is why I came to you. Cause you know, good. You're always inspiring. Um, and I'm gonna take them under advisement.
Kate Spencer: I appreciate that. Do
Doree Shafrir: Yeah. Well, let take a little so we can hear from our listeners. All right. Well we have a couple of voicemails
Kate Spencer: To, we should say we're, we're talking about the listener who communicated to us that they were the maid of honor in a wedding and they really didn't like their friend's future partner who they believe, or they knew to have cheated and also knew to be perusing bumble.
Doree Shafrir: So here we go
Voicemail: Hey Cat and Dor, I just wanted to give an alternate perspective on the listener who's fiance is on bumble. Um, I got married and didn't stay married for very long. I was only married for like a year and a half and I sort of had a feeling in my gut that it wasn't the right thing, but I did it anyway. And once I got divorced, all of my best friends were like, yeah, we kind of saw like no one was surprised. They all sort of saw it coming. And what I felt was that I don't know if I would have listened to them, but I do wish that one of my best friends had sat me down before the wedding, if they had these concerns and like in a very gentle way, I think there's a way to be like, look, I love you. And no matter what you choose, I'm going to support you. You're my best friend. I have your back, no matter what, um, I'm always gonna be a safe person to come to, but I have to share some concerns with you and just ask the question of how you are feeling about it in your gut and just give you the opportunity to talk about that and explore anything you might be feeling with me as your best friend in a safe way, because if somebody had given you that opportunity, I don't know for sure, but it could have been a moment for me to reflect out loud about the doubts I was already feeling and possibly make a different choice.
Voicemail: Um, divorce is very hard and very complicated and very heart wrenching. And so I would just say, I do think there's actually a safe way to talk to your friend about this, um, and not jeopardize the friendship, um, and just make it clear that you care about her. Um, and you know, I, I personally wish that my friends hadn't kept their doubts to themselves. Um, so that's what I got. Uh, thank you, cat And Dor for everything you do. Okay. Bye.
Kate Spencer: Okay. Interesting perspective. Number one.
Doree Shafrir: Interesting Kate, I do. I would like to read an email that you did not put in the document if that is okay
Kate Spencer: Wow Doree is going rogue, everybody.
Doree Shafrir: This, this, this hardly ever happens,
Kate Spencer: Do it, do it. I love I
Doree Shafrir: Get in there, but I do just want to read this email from the perspective of another person who married someone. Oh
Kate Spencer: My God. You know what I meant to put this in and I don't know why I forgot.
Doree Shafrir: Okay. Well thank you
Kate Spencer: You for thank you for grabbing this. I'm so glad you included this. Okay, go on. So
Doree Shafrir: I wanna include this because I hear what this caller is saying, but I also feel like ultimately, like it wasn't your friend's responsibility to do that for you. And they might have had other reasons for not doing that, which this listener raises. Um, so here we go. This is from another listener. Um, I wanted to say you're absolutely right in your advice to not say anything. I know this very well myself. Not because I've been in the friends place. I've been in the brides when I was 23. I also married a no good man who none of my friends liked and who treated me very badly. I'm sure it was painful for them to stand by me on my wedding day. And it wasn't until later when I had divorced him. But I found out the same question came up in my friend group. Do we try to talk her out of it?
Doree Shafrir: My best friend in the group was the one who argued. No, because they needed to prioritize, keeping ties with me over everything and didn't wanna give him any reason to manipulate me, to cut them from my life. She told them that one day I would need them and they needed to make it as easy as possible to find my way back to them. She was right. They made it easy to find my way back. And they did it with grace and love. I don't know how hard it is to be the friend having to stand by, but I do know how hard it is to admit the person you love. Isn't worthy of that love Doree is right. Your friend has all the information she needs. She just isn't ready or able to act on it one day. She might be, make it easy for her to find her way back to you and to herself. Thanks ladies. It means so much that you hold this space for all of us who listen.
Kate Spencer: Hmm. Great advice.
Doree Shafrir: Yeah. I mean, I, this, it just, it raises such interesting questions for me about like the responsibility of the friend.
Kate Spencer: Well, and I also think it's dependent on the kind relationship that you have with the friend,
Doree Shafrir: And the kind of relationship that you have with Your partner <affirmative> because The caller, I mean, revealed very little about the nature of their relationship with their partner. This emailer said it was clear that this friend was being treated very badly. Maybe this other caller, you know, nothing was like super obvious, but they just like, didn't have a great feeling about it. Yeah. You know, do I also just wanna raise to this? I hear, I, I really hear what the caller is saying and I, and I agree that there is a way to do it kindly, but to me it feels like it is very risky for a friend to do that on the Eve of someone's wedding. And the friend risks so much bringing up these doubts that I, I understand why a friend would not do that.
Kate Spencer: Interesting. Doree. I like that you have taken this one really to heart. I feel like you're really passionate about this.
Doree Shafrir: Well I think It's a really interesting question. Like it raises a lot of, it raises a lot of issues about like friendship and marriage and relationships and, you know, again, like what I said, like responsibility
Kate Spencer: Mm-hmm <affirmative>,
Doree Shafrir: You know, it felt like that caller was almost saying like, if only her friends had said something or, I mean, she did say it. She said if her friends had sent them, said something, maybe she wouldn't have gone through with the we with the wedding and like, Ooh, like that, that, I don't know, that felt weird to me.
Kate Spencer: Well, I think, you know, it can feel, there can also be a sense of embarrassment. Like I had this happen actually. Like I got out of a relationship and then I found out my parents, like both did not like the person I had been in a relationship with. And it was like, and I'm glad they didn't say anything. Cause I think I'm sure they, they guessed correctly that I would've been angry.
Doree Shafrir: Yeah.
Kate Spencer: But there's also this feeling of kind of like, oh, I'm so embarrassed. Like, you know, and I, I do think there does come a point where you can, you, depending on the relationship you have with a friend, you can speak up and say something. Yeah. Um, and, and it's up to them, whether or not they receive it, you know? And I think this caller is saying that they would've received that, right. If at the time, but you know, again, who knows, um, let's read this email, this other email, Dory that we got from a therapist, they said, uh, I work with many individuals and couples who practice consensual, non monogamy, maybe not, but listening to the caller, I couldn't help. But wonder if her friend and fiance have an agreement about his use of the app or meeting with other women. The caller said herself that her friend was aware of what her fiance was doing.
Kate Spencer: Perhaps the friend simply did not feel comfortable sharing this with the caller. She might have sensed that the caller and other friends of hers would be extremely judgemental and not be accepting or openminded of such an arrangement as honestly, it sounded like the caller would've been, I sense that when people think of ethical slash consensual, non monogamy, they sometimes think it's synonymous with only polyamory, which it includes and have a lot of preconceived notions about how that doesn't work. They're quick to dismiss and judge it. The reality is that many couples out there, many who might appear perfectly monogamous to others, practice some version of non monogamy, whether it's an agreed upon don't ask, don't tell policy are more of a monogamish arrangement and it totally works from them. All that said, it's very possible that in this caller situation, her friend's fiance is in fact just scum.
Kate Spencer: And the friend is not fully consenting to his behavior, but putting up with it for whatever reasons, not cool. However, I do think y'all dropped the ball and at least a missed, or at least missed an opportunity to be more inclusive to those practicing consensual. Non-monogamy a group that often gets overlooked in this Mononormative world. And in conversations like the one you had about this caller to be fair, this emailer, I just also wanna say I condensed their email a little bit. Um, but to be fair, like I did not think of non monogamy when I heard this email partially because the way the caller presented the situation.
Doree Shafrir: Yeah, totally.
Kate Spencer: Uh, it made it sound like the fiance was keeping secrets, but we, this was not the only email we had mentioning, like asking that we include non-monogamy and the consensual non-monogamy in this conversation. So an interesting point of view coming in hot from this therapist.
Doree Shafrir: Yep. Well, thank you For that.
Kate Spencer: I, yeah. Thank you. I really, this is a fascinating one. I will be very curious to hear how this caller handles the situation.
Doree Shafrir: Yeah, me too.
Kate Spencer: We had one caller just call in and mention that the listener, the original caller was just the way that they were describing how they felt was like they were in a lot of pain and despair over the situation and that they felt sick over it. I think they used the term. I feel sick about this. Yeah. And to really listen to not just like the words that you're saying there, like, I feel sick, but also that your body is having this reaction to the situation and to take a step back and care for yourself. And I just thought that was also a nice perspective. Not about how to handle this, dealing with this relationship, but how to care for yourself. If something is making you feel so distraught that you're feeling physically, you know, unsettled, that's your, that's your body's, you know, maybe telling you that something is, something is not right for you in this situation and you need to care for yourself.
Doree Shafrir: Totally.
Kate Spencer: All right. Let us break. Let us take a and we'll brb
Doree Shafrir: All right. We have burb <laugh>
Kate Spencer: <laugh>
Doree Shafrir: Um, okay. This was a text
cat And Dor I'm getting over COVID and was wondering what your go-to skin care practices are after recovering from a cold flu, et cetera. My skin looks washed out and dull. Any Recs on getting a little glow back? I know it may be a matter of the virus simply leaving my body, but I would love some tips to help me look less. Zombie-like thank you for this pod. I've listened from the very beginning and you've helped me save. Have you, you have helped save my sanity over the past two plus years.
Kate Spencer: I thought it might be fun to give yourself like a little at home facial. Ooh. You know, I mean, from one person who's getting over COVID to another, I hear you. I have been like really leaning into my skincare practice actually to help me feel good right now. Um, I'm I'm I haven't noticed that my skin is washed out. I am losing my hair, which is something that I think can happen after you have COVID so that's interesting. Um, so I would say like, get out first, look at the products that you have. Let's not buy anything new, get out, you know, get out an exfoliator, you know, what, what, see what you have. If you have an exfoliant, a mask, really nice oil or moisturizer a cleanser, I would just set yourself up and do some steps and really like give yourself a nice kind of exfoliating facial treatment. I don't think it needs to be anything fancy. Just like slow your role. Give yourself a facial at home.
Doree Shafrir: I love that.
Kate Spencer: Doree. Do you have any like thoughts on specific things that they could do?
Doree Shafrir: Um, yes, there is. Um, the drunk elephant baby facial.
Kate Spencer: So good. That's a great suggestion
Doree Shafrir: And it's very exfoliating. It is. Um, I would, I would use that. That should, that should reveal a nice glow. Um, yeah. That's like, I think that's a, that's a good one to kind of like jumpstart things.
Kate Spencer: Okay. The other thing I wanna say, well, number one, obviously hydrate, hydrate, hydrate, drink more water than you think that's gonna help your skin. Um, obviously don't overdo it, but you know, drink a lot of water, but then I' obsessed with this dewy glow MIST I had to run in the house and get it because it was so good. It's a brand called 1 0 7. I believe this is a Korean skincare brand and they make something called the dewy glow serum mist. And I mist this on my face and my skin looks like I'm like a fresh, I don't know, little scrubbed baby. Like I just <laugh> it's really because it's, I think it is infused with other things besides, you know, I think it probably has some, let me see what I can find in here. 1 0 7 serum mist. Okay. Sorry. I just wanna, it's a very fine mist, which I love. It's very hydrating and it is going to make your skin look dewy and fresh. Even when you're feeling that kind of dullness. So highly recommend this 1 0 7 Dewey glow serum mist I don't know where I got this. I think someone sent this to me. It's just been in my closet and I busted it out recently and I was like, oh my God, where did this? Where have you been on my life
Doree Shafrir: In your closet?
Kate Spencer: <laugh> that's fair. That's fair. But like, I had not even heard of 1 0 7 before, but listen, I love a surprise. Like I love when you just pull something out and you're like, oh, this is amazing. So yeah. Recommend, recommend.
Doree Shafrir: All right. Um, we have one more email. Okay.
Fam, what sunnys are we wearing? Because the sun is shining in the bay area and maybe it's time to stop buying cheap drugstore glasses. That hurt my head. Do I have a large head? I mean, debilitating self-doubt so no, but physically the jury's out. Who's disrupting the disruptors. Love. You love the pod. Love both your books. Happy belated to Doree, speedy recovery for Kate on all fronts and shout out to Sam and Sami for all the behind the scenes work.
Kate Spencer: Well, I love that shadow to Sam, Sami. Yeah. They really are making it happen behind the scenes. I have two recommendations that I wanted to share and neither are very pricey.
Doree Shafrir: Okay.
Kate Spencer: In my, in for my budget, I should say I never, like, I don't wanna make sweeping statements. One. I have mentioned before in our newsletter, the brand is gooder, G O O D R. You go to goodr.com. I wear their sunglasses called the OGs. They are $25. I will normally buy like three or four pairs at a time. And so I have for them everywhere, they are super lightweight. They work they're incre like great quality. They are intended for fitness. So you could run in them. I just horseback rode in these today. Like they're not, they don't feel like you have giant plates on your, like, hanging off your nose. You know how some sunglasses feel that way.
Kate Spencer: And they make these in all sorts of they make goodr like styles and all sorts of sorts of cool styles. I just happen to prefer the OG, but I love good or sunglasses and take it from someone who has spent like $300 on designer, sunglasses only to like, leave them on a shelf in target. It is not worth it. They break like, get your cheap. but good quality sunglasses are the way to go. The other brand that I really like that I ripped off from Megan Markle because she wears them. Are Lespecs, Lespecs. These are gonna run you about 70 bucks. The air heart are kind of a cat eye frame. They're very chic. And I have those and I, I just wanna repeat, I bought them because Megan Markle wears them and they look good on her.
Doree Shafrir: Um, my sunglasses are from, eye buy direct.
Kate Spencer: I love eye buy direct. <laugh>
Doree Shafrir: They're fine.
Kate Spencer: Any
Doree Shafrir: They're they're I think they're fine. The quality is not great, but I also lose sunglasses so often and their prescription, and I'm just like done spending more than like $30 on them because I just lose them so much. They're like the one, like, I'm pretty good about not losing things. For some reason, sunglasses. I just cannot keep it drives me crazy.
Kate Spencer: Um, and you gotta get on the goodr train. Okay. Because you you'll be sad when you lose or break them, but it won't feel like you just crumbled up a hundred dollars and like peed on it, you know?
Doree Shafrir: But do they do prescription?
Kate Spencer: Oh, I forgot that you need prescription so long.
Doree Shafrir: Yeah. That's the thing.
Kate Spencer: I have prescription sunglasses from Warby Parker. Yeah. And I like them. I like them fine.
Doree Shafrir: They end up being like, they end up being like 150 or $200.
Kate Spencer: Yeah.
Doree Shafrir: With The prescription. So like that doesn't doesn't work.
Kate Spencer: Henry agrees. Henry agrees.
Doree Shafrir: Well, that's Bo, but
Kate Spencer: Yes. Oh, that was Bo.
Doree Shafrir: That was Bo
Kate Spencer: It sound like a child going, oh,
Doree Shafrir: No, it was Bo going,
Kate Spencer: Oh my God. Sorry. Sorry. Henry. Compare you to a dog.
Doree Shafrir: Um, well Kate, our sun, my sunglass, my sunglass quest lives another day, but
Kate Spencer: I will say, um, Zenny also has some nice frames if you wanna try other, like, I, I mean, making them prescription will add on, you know, a bit of a challenge, but yeah. I like Zenny too. Um, well do let's, let's open it up to listeners. If anybody has, uh, sunglasses, you wanna share with us? We're here to listen. Yeah. Tell us what you wear.
Doree Shafrir: Tell us what you wear. All right, everyone.
Kate Spencer: Thank you. You.