Mini-Ep 284: Dish Please
Doree announces a fun new surprise and Kate’s having a virtual In A New York Minute launch party - with Doree! Then, listeners weigh in on the Great Dishwasher Debate, send a Burts Bees rec, and call on the advice of the “talls.”
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Transcript
Kate: Hello, and welcome to forever 35, a Podcast About the things we do to take care of ourselves. I am Kate Spencer
Doree: And I am Doree Shafrir.
Kate: And together we are not experts.
Doree: No, but we are two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.
Kate: And this is a mini episode where we hear from you. We share your comments and your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability
Doree: Indeed. But please remember we are podcast hosts, not experts, and we do always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Kate: If you would like to reach us. Our voicemail and text number is 7 8 1 5 9 1 0 3 9 0. And our email is forever 35 podcast, gmail.com. Just go ahead and make us an entry in your contacts so you can ping us whenever you want.
Doree: We love it.
Kate: We Do. We love a late night ping.
Doree: You don't get an actual ping when we get texts. Do you?
Kate: I, I could, but I have it turned off. Okay. For like a hot second. I was, and then it was like, this is, this is a lot. And also I'm like sitting there just replying all day. So I try to, I go in once a day and check on everything.
Doree: Right, right, right. Okay. Um, well you can also visit our website forever 35 podcast.com for links to everything we mentioned on the show. Follow us on Twitter at forever 35 pod on Instagram at forever 35 podcast. Join the forever 35 Facebook group, facebook.com/groups/forever 35 podcast. The password is serums and do sign up for our newsletter@februarythirtyfivepodcast.com slash newsletter. We have another issue going out on Thursday.
Kate: Speaking of newsletters, That was easy. Segue,
Doree: Segue away, Kate.
Kate: That was a good one. I'm proud of myself.
Doree: I Am proud of you too. I mean, you just really get it. You get me.
Kate: I like to set you up. Like, I like to throw you the softball and watch you hit it outta the park. You really,
Doree: Really teed that up. I mean, yeah. I kind of teed it up for myself and then you just ran with it, which I love. I
Kate: Kinda, yeah. I'm like a puppy who kind of just marches on, in and takes up too much space, you know, WATS on, in and demands to be pet
Doree: Petted. Um, well, so yeah, so Kate, uh, teed that up for me. I am launching another newsletter that is not a forever 35 newsletter.
Kate: No, I'm not involved.
Doree: Kate's not involved. She is Supporting
Kate: Doree Shafrir original. I am. I'm very excited.
Doree: It's a Doree Shafrir original. Um, it's called now we're talking. It is on Substack. The kind of like tagline is that it's a newsletter about navigating life as a human and a mom. It is not restricted to people who identify as moms. We welcome all, but the focus will be on kind of like maintaining your personhood when you are a mom and all the kind of shifts in identity that a lot of us go through when we become parents, it is not a parenting newsletter. There's plenty of really great people who write parenting newsletters. It's not going to be about how to like deal with your kids' tantrums. There's like so many smart people who talk about that stuff. And I do not feel like I need to add my non-expert voice to that chorus. I, but I do feel qualified to expound on how to kind of keep, like I said, like keep your sense of identity.
Doree: And, and it's an identity that's like changing, right? When you become a mom and like, who are you now? So that's what I will be exploring in my newsletter. There's going to be a lot of talk with quote unquote, regular moms. Um, oh, okay. You know, very broadly defined. I really wanna get at the totality of experiences of being a mom, um, in all kinds of diverse ways. And there's gonna be a lot of, um, opportunities for discussion, which I'm excited about. I'm really hoping to create a community if you will. And I will say one other thing, which is, you know, I feel like in a lot of parenting spaces, I see talk of like wanting to get off Facebook. Mm Hmm. And what I will say about that is, you know, I'm launching this on Substack. Substack has some good tools for discussion.
Doree: And my hope is that down the road as the kind of community gets going, my plan is to launch a discussion community on another platform, not my own platform, but another, another non platform. So that is something that we have to look forward to that I'm excited about. Um, what else the newsletter is free. There will also be paid subscriptions offered. And if you go to the website, Doree dot substack.com, you'll see my kind of discussion of what a paid subscription offers and why I'm offering paid subscriptions. And one thing I will say about that is, you know, forever 35 has always been free for listeners and we are ad supported. And with this community, I felt like
Doree: People, I wanted people to feel a certain sort of ownership over it. Right. And so I thought one way to do that is to offer paid subscriptions. And I also wanna acknowledge that like, you know, as Kate and I say, like our labor on forever 35 has value and like we deserve to be compensated for that. Yes. And I do believe that my time and labor and effort that I'm putting into this newsletter is also valuable. So I hope that people will recognize that, but, um, the newsletter will be free for the first month just to like every, all the content will be free for the first month just to kind of get people, um, acclimated to what we're doing. And then the paid portion will kind of launch, but one, the main newsletter every week will be, will, will always be free. I just wanna be clear about that. Um, yeah.
Kate: I like what I'm hearing.
Doree: Thank you, Kate. Are you gonna subscribe?
Kate: Uh, I don't know. I feel like, of course I'm gonna subscribe. I already tried. Yes. Yes. We all already tried. Well,
Doree: We are recording this. We are recording this prior to the launch. So the website is still, um, private, but by the time you all hear this, everything will be live and public. I also just, and I say this in my like welcome note, but I also wanna be clear that nothing will change with forever35.
Kate: Oh yeah. I mean,
Doree: this is not. This is not going to affect forever 35, the podcast, or even forever 35, the newsletter in any way, all of that will still keep going. This is just another
Kate: Doree wants more shit to do. Okay.
Doree: Listen, if
Kate: let's add to her plate,
Doree: If you're not sick of me yet, Here's another thing that might make you sick of me.
Kate: I really love the title because that's a thing you say can actually visualize how you say it in your head. You get kind of excited.
Doree: I say, oh, now we're
Kate: Talking. And you're like, now we're talking like you, that is a real actual doree ism. It is. so that's so funny. Funny, I love that you landed on that.
Doree: Well, I'll tell you how I landed on it. Um, you know, I was trying to figure out a, uh, a name for the, for the newsletter obviously. And I, you know, I nothing really like was sticking and I was texting with my sister-in-law and she and I were, were kind of talking about what the newsletter would be. And then she was kind of joking and she said goop. And I said, oh, now we're talking. And I was like, wait a second.
Kate: Oh, That's it.
Doree: Hold on, hold on.
Kate: Hey, I happen to say that a lot.
Doree: Yeah. And then I, I just liked how it was like both something that as you say, I do say, and it's like, you know, it's enthusiastic. It's like, oh yeah, yeah. Like now we're talking, but it's also like, okay, now we're talking like, now we're really talking like now into it. And so I wanted to kind of in imbue the newsletter with that spirit. Cause I want it to feel like a place where people feel safe and comfortable talking amongst themselves.
Kate: Well, Doree, I love that. And thank you. I wanna segue to another place where we are going to be talking in a safe space. Kate, you
Doree: Are like the segue queen today and I love it.
Kate: I've had two cups of coffee and now a cup of decaf. And I feel like the decaf has, has caffeine in it. Oh, I feel a little wired right now.
Doree: Okay. Well,
Kate: Yeah. Let's,
Doree: Let's talk about what you're about to segueway to, because I am so excited.
Kate: Let's let the people know what's happening. Look, if you've been, if you've been craving a live chat with me and Doree, it's happening in honor of my book launch, I am going to be in conversation with Doree Shafrir.
Doree: Oh baby.
Kate: And you can come and you can come having a virtual book celebration. Here's the dets Friday, March 18th at 8:00 PM. Eastern. I would say, we're gonna chat for about an hour cuz you know, we've got things to do in the evening, like cook dinner and watch the love is blind reunion. And I mean, I'll have already watched that, but we can still talk about it. Uh, and all you have to do is I'm gonna share a link. You submit a receipt. If you have purchased the book, that's all you gotta do. You throw the receipt up there. It doesn't matter where you bought it from and you will be invited to a live event with Doree and me and I'm excited. I kind of, as I was thinking of, I was like, I kind of just want it to be a bit of a free for all. Oh yeah. Is that a bad way to go into a live event?
Doree: No, no, not at all.
Kate: Like it just feels Like it should be just us yamering yes.
Doree: I feel like the best live events have a little bit of that. Like free for all vibe to them.
Kate: You'll be able to, uh, ask questions. We can tell, I don't know stories. We can reveal secrets. I don't think we really have any secrets to reveal, but haven't already been revealed.
Doree: Well, we don't know that
Kate: We don't know, but anyway, I would absolutely love to have forever 35 listeners there. It really is intended for forever 35 listeners. Honestly it is. Anyone can join, but it is called the in a New York minute plus forever 35 virtual launch party. Um, and so I will include a link again. All you have to do is just upload your receipt and uh, you'll get a ticket and we'll see you there.
Doree: Kate will, um, attendees be able to ask questions.
Kate: Yes. Story. Yes they will. Kate, why are you so beautiful Kate? Can we see your butt acne? What's your favorite thing about do you're really?
Doree: You're really leading the witness here.
Kate: I mean, I don't wanna like put words into your mouths with these questions. Also someone wrote us today and corrected our use of button and they said it was called ASNE. I just wanna throw that out there.
Doree: I disagree.
Kate: I don't think I like
Doree: No. Right. Listen is not a thing. Sorry, listener,
Kate: but we can debate this in our live virtual event. We can. So again, Friday, March 18th at 8:00 PM, Eastern, there will be a link on the website. There'll be a link on the show notes. There'll be a link on our Instagram. I also just did because I'm in the rush of promoting my new book, which is about to it. Come out. I did just wanna mention once again, you can pre-order it pre-orders are so helpful to authors. I'm so grateful for every pre-order and there are two bookstores. You can pre-order from where you can get a signed and personalized copy. Uh, I will include that link it's Romans and the rep O so I will have a link for that. You can also pre-order the audit book, places like Libro, FM, who we love and audible, uh, and anywhere else that does audio books. And it's not me narrating. There are two amazing professional voice actors doing the narration. They're so good. And you know, it's just, it's all happening Doree. And I will have another live LA event that is, I will be telling people about in a little bit too. So, you know, it's all coming together. It's all happening. I wrote a book love here. It is. I appreciate your support so much. Everybody thinks
Doree: Now Kate, as a point of clarification, if someone pre-orders the book that does count to attend this event, correct
Kate: Preorder. Yes. Any time that you have purchased it from the day it was available to be bought or preordered up until Thursday, March 17th at 8:00 PM. So you just have to plop that in there the day before the event, it could not be easier. You just upload a photo, it's all there for you to do so. Yes. And I just also wanna say, I truly appreciate everyone who is supporting and has supported me in this book coming out. It means the world to me, I like cry about it every day. So thank you.
Doree: Aww. Um, and I just wanna ay, I just wanna put it up my own personal plug for Kate's book, which is that you should buy it. It's so wonderful. It will. It will bring you joy. If you are looking for joy in your life, buy Kate's book. If you don't want joy in your life, then I mean that's on you, but
Kate: Buy it for somebody who does. I, I will say the, like it does make me happy and excited to imagine that in this really hard time, somebody might get a little like break from stress by reading my book. I hope it provides people with some joy and like lightness and happiness, because that is why I love to write. And man, you know, times are crazy. Oh, and you know what? My dog just came in, squeaking a ball to really hit the point. She just decided now was her time to shine. Goodness gracious. That's probably a good time to take a break then. Okay. Let's do that. Okay. BRB.
Doree: All right. Well Kate, we have returned and we, we elicited some strong feelings about a controversial topic,
Kate: probably one of the most controversial we've addressed here on this podcast. And that is when you're a guest at someone's home for a meal. Do you load your dish into the dishwasher without asking with or being asked? Yes. Do you just,
Doree: which was, which was the nature of the original question?
Kate: Do you just take the initiative and start clearing the table and then go loading the dishwasher? Another person's dishwasher, your way. A hot topic. This is something I do do. So I've been scandalized.
Doree: All right. We have a voicemail to kick things off.
Voicemail: Hi, this is Maria from Florida. And I'm calling in regards to the person that messaged you. People not clean on their dishes, uh, when they're at this person's house. And I just wanna say that in my house, I'm not a super neat or clean person, but whenever I'm in someone else's place, I do the most. So if we're just having dinner, like the two of us, like just like two couples, I would like ask, um, I would just collect all the plate from the table and I would just start hand washing them on unless they told me we can just set it in dishwasher. And um, if it's like a large gathering, I would just ask the host, like, is it okay if I just start loading the dishwasher? Um, cause I don't know, to me it's just weird that if I'm there and I'm not like helping in any way to like clean up, I dunno, it makes me feel guilty for some reason. And I was like, I like to help them as much as I can. Um, and um, even if it's just like me just hanging out with my friend at her house and I had a of before I I'm gonna go sink and the glass of, and just so I, I guess it just depends person to person. that's it. Love you guys!
Doree: I hear that.
Kate: I relate to this so much.
Doree: Yes. And I think you are a great guest.
Kate: Me?
Doree: I mean you and the listener,
Kate: I thought you meant the guest on the podcast. I was like, what?
Doree: I mean the, yeah, the listener is, is as well.
Kate: Yes, I agree. And I just, it, it, this resonated with me because I have the am urge where I'm like, I must do something to like, prove my value as a house guest. Let me do all your dishes. So I understand the feeling of being a dish pleaser. It's like a people pleaser, but you're trying to please the dishes.
Doree: Yep. I get it. I get it.
Kate: All right. Well how about this message?
Text: Hi Kat and Dor! First time, long time, had to pause the pod to weigh in on loading someone else’s dishwasher vs setting used dishes on/in the sink. When I am hosting, I am firmly in the camp of set them in the sink and let me load them in the dishwasher later, with bonus points if you cleared any remaining food into the trash can before hand. I’m very particular about how my washer is loaded up, so much so that my wife is the designated unloader, while I always load. It makes me so stressed when someone tries to be helpful and put dishes in the washer. I agree it is best to ask as the guest
Kate: Okay. All right. I would mess up at this person's house.
Doree: Um, I mean, yeah, I I'm, I'm firmly in the camp of like guests should offer ultimately hosts should not expect.
Kate: Now question for you. You have a dishwasher in this house. You did not have a dishwasher in your last house, correct?
Doree: Um, we did not for a while and then we got one.
Kate: Gotcha. So what I am curious about is do you have a particular way in which you like or dishwasher to be loaded or does your husband?
Doree: My husband hates the dishwasher. My husband prefers to handwash.
Kate: Oh, fascinating.
Doree: He does not believe in dishwashers. I will also say I hate doing dishes. And, um, now that I have been cook dinner as discussed previously on this pod in male planning, we have, um, decided on a division of labor where I cook and he does all the dishes, you know what, that's very similar to how we operate. I always make most of the time, whoever makes dinner, which is mostly me, the other person handles all the dishes. Yeah. So I am pleased as punch with this arrangement because I, I truly hate to doing dishes. Um, now occasionally, you know, there will be some dishes that I do. I usually put them in the dishwasher. I don't feel like super strongly about it. I will tell you one thing that does annoy me and like, this is, I, I'm not, I don't wanna be like too critical of this because it's, it's nice that they're doing the dishes and loading the dishwasher. But like when my parents come and they do the dishes and load the dishwasher, they will not run the dishwasher until the dishwasher is like literally stuffed to the gills.
Doree: Like until like every one of our dishes and pieces of silverware is in the dishwasher. And that I like, you know, they don't wanna like waste water or whatever, which I appreciate. But then that also means that like, sometimes we have like no forks because they're like waiting to run the dishwasher. And also, I think it's like too crowded. It's too crowded there.
Kate: It's really funny. I feel like this is what we do in our house.
Doree: Um, so you know, I'm not gonna run a dishwasher with like two plates and a fork, but like, I don't think that the dishwasher needs to be overfill before it runs. That is my one, um, you know, dishwasher belief that I feel strongly about. All right. We have another voicemail on this important topic.
Voicemail: Hi, Kat&Dor. This is penny from Massachusetts. Um, I morning, um, I of the talk about, um, um, so is philosophy and it's right, but when I have guests over my whole point is they get a night off. You know, they don't have to cook, they don't have to clean, they don't have to worry about what their kids are gonna eat. Um, you know, everybody goes home hopefully, but the one thing that I really have, you know, have kids to do as well as, um, say you go to a friend's house or, you know, and you have, um, you know, chocolate milk or hot cocoa or any kinda beverage, or even if they, you know, give you a plate and you had a snack, put it in the sink and put a little bit of water in it so that, you know, the liquids and stuff, don't stick to the dishes. So it's really helpful for the hosts when they are loading their dishwasher their way. So they can just quickly do a rinse with water and they can put it in the dishwasher and they don't have to worry that, um, the glasses and taste and stuff, you know, they're, it's still gonna have residue on it. My kids, uh, we all do it, my husband and I, we all do it when we go to our friend's houses. And of course, um, you know, if we're all helping thes clean up after, um, you know, then sure, like I'll dishwasher, but if not then I usually help with rinsing it and then they can load it their way.
Kate: Okay I love this.
Doree: This is kinda what I was saying. The host shouldn't expect anything. It's like a nice bonus. I think if the guest offers, but like, ultimately you're the host and like you're having guests over to your home. Do you know? Do you see what I'm saying?
Kate: Yes. And I think the original person who wrote in about this was like not expecting it. She, I think the hope the original poster was like, I'm horrified that people are doing this. Have I, am I supposed to do this? Or was she offended that people weren't doing it?
Doree: She was offended that she was a host who was offended, that her guests were not loading the dishwasher when they came to Her house.
Kate: Got it. Okay.
Doree: Which to me felt like unfair.
Kate: Yeah. That is interesting. I think this is, I like this person's point of view, too, that when you are hosting, you are offering your guests a break from like, yes, the exactly challenges of their own life. Now, that being said, I love the water in the cup. You gotta water. You gotta put water in the dish.
Doree: Yeah, I hear that.
Kate: I mean, all right, well, one last message from a listener they wrote.
Text: Regarding dishwasher etiquette at someone's house. My sister in law is the only guest who I would ever expect to load the dishwasher - and that is because she comes over weekly for dinner and one time she started to load dishes, and I was like "let me tell you how to do it at our house if you'll be over all the time." Literally no one else. But I think people either have incredibly strong opinions about the correct way to load, or no opinions at all. There is no middle ground.
Kate: Hard agree. I have no opinions. I'm a free for all dishwasher loader.
Doree: Okay. Yep.
Kate: Sometimes the bowls up top, sometimes the bowls on the bottom, it makes Anthony crazy. Drives him nuts. He has very, a very strict idea about where and how the bowls should go in.
Doree: I'm with you, Kate it's like sometimes they, it makes more sense for them to be on the top. Sometimes it makes more sense for them to be on the bottom.
Kate: Life's too short, you know, don't worry about where the bowls go, but I know many for many people, this is an important thing. So we see you all right, Doree, it's a break time.
Doree: Let's break.
Kate: And we're back with a product recommendation from a listen.
Email: Hello! I have been meaning to write in about Burts Bees products ever since you guys mentioned it a couple weeks ago on a mini episode. I LOVE the cleansing oil. It feels so luxurious and is a great price and smells amazing. It lasts a while and I just think it's simply perfect. Sometimes their products are hit or miss for me, but I always repurchase the cleansing oil.
Doree: Mm
Kate: I've never even given a thought to the Burt's Bees cleansing oil.
Doree: I haven't either, but I'm intrigued
Kate: $15.49, a natural blend of coconut and argan oils.
Doree: Ooh,
Kate: Well hello. Hello?
Doree: That sounds nice.
Kate: Yeah. I mean, okay. Six fluid ounces. Yeah. $15.99. All right. I see you there. Bebe's cleansing oil. Okay. When I run outta my current one, I might, I might pop on over and grab one of these.Great recommendation. Okay. Thank you. Listener.
Doree: Um, we have another email.
Email: I know we talk all the time about size inclusivity, but I feel like there's a giant category that has been overlooked my entire life. Tall people. I know it's not the same. I was a kid who literally got laughed at because her pants were too short. It was not a thing when I was growing up to have lengths of pants. And I was never "skinny and tall, model like" like people assume tall people are. I was 100% average. And I hated it because I stuck out everywhere.
These days I think all of my pants come from the Gap. I don't own a maxi dress. I went to the banana republic website the other day looking for pants, thanks to a marketing email. Do you know the inseam of their "tall" jeans? Do you?? 31". Thirty one fucking inches. That is shorter than the standard inseam on a regular, go to the floor pant
I don't know what to do. I can't wear shit that is short. I love being tall, I love having never had to own a stool in my entire life because i can reach or climb. But, seriously. Do I just stick with the gap forever? I remember a time when their boot cut jeans were 37 inches!! Their skinnies are now maybe 34/35. *sigh* I just want to wear pants.
Kate: Well, I am a fellow tall person. I am five foot, 10 inches. And I have been since basically the sixth and seventh grade. So I see you and I get it. I did wanna first note, like one, you know, height, challenges in clothing is not the same as I think, size in inclusivity in terms of sizing in that size, inclusivity is rooted and stems from fat phobia. And as far as I know, there's really no like height phobia. So I do think there's a big difference and I just wanted to make sure we kind of, you know, called that out. Um, but I do understand the challenge of finding clothes that fit, especially pants. I also have a very long torso. And so I've always struggled with shirts and with bathing suits and my recommendation to you, my friend is Buy what works for you. Like if you're buying all your pants from the gap, that's fine. I buy, like most of my jeans have kind of ended up being made well, because they make a lot of jeans in tall sizes.
Doree: Mm.
Kate: I know J. Crew also does. I haven't bought jeans from Abercrombie and Fitch, but apparently they have become like very you well known for their genes. Like for example, I'm looking at.
Doree: Interesting.
Kate: Yeah. Abercrombe people love Abercrombie jeans. They offer everything from a size 23 waste to a 37 waste and the length they offer extra short, short, regular long and extra long. So I would definitely, again, I have not bought Abercrombie jeans yet, but I would definitely check them out. Um, I also know, like, I think Athletica offers tall size. Like I got some sweats like joggers from Viri and they offered them in tall. I do think a lot of brands are offering pants in different lengths now to accommodate both smaller and longer people. Mm. So if anyone out out there is tall share where you're buying your pants, I would love to hear them. Um, but you know, I, I understand this listener, like I can handle a 34 35 inch inseam. You might be taller than me. And I hear that you need a, so maybe we need to hear from our friends who are like six feet and above on where they're getting those jeans.
Doree: What about old Navy? Kate?
Kate: I believe old Navy also does get into tall sizes. You know, it, they do one of the challenges I think with sizing is that a lot of these brands offer tall, but they don't sell them in store. So for example, yeah. Which is really frustrating. Like Madewell does make a lot of jeans in tall sizes, but they're almost only available online. And that I find frustrating. I mean, and look, I'm a size 11 shoe, you know, I get it. Like, there's not as many things in our size and it's gotten better over the years. Um, hold on. I just wanna confirm that old Navy does tall sizing, please hold
Kate: As I look on a pair of their jeans. Yes. Old Navy also has tall and petite. Um, the other thing I think you could think of is like taking jeans to get the hem brought out a little bit. That might be a possibility. If you go to a good tailor, I know you can get things hemmed up, but you might also be able to get them taken out a little bit as well. But yeah, talls talk to us, you know, I mean, I can, I'll all, I was gonna text my cousins because all my cousins are taller than I'm five, 10, and I have three other girl cousins and they're all taller than me. So, um, I'll ask them where they get their jeans.
Doree: Um, great. But yes, calling all talls
Kate: Talls, were we summoning you. We've put the signal out. Where are you buying your pants? I'm and by talls, I'm talking look respectfully 5, 8, 5, 9, and above. You five, sevens I love you. But it's, it's different up here.
Doree: Yep. Yeah,
Kate: It just is just is.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: All right, Doree. Well, that brings us to the end of the road here. We've covered it all
Doree: We have indeed. Well, it it's been a pleasure. Everyone by Kate's book, subscribe to my newsletter.
Kate: Thanks. We Appreciate you.
Doree: We appreciate you. And we'll talk to you soon.