Listener Q&A: Nude Attitude
Kate and Doree discuss following the lives of semi-strangers online for years, and then hear from listeners about feeling at home in your postpartum body, dealing with friends and infertility, and how to keep your cool when you're keeping it child-free.
Kate prepares for a haircut and Doree gets lucky in a buy-nothing group before they hear from listeners about super drying skin conditions, worrying about not fitting in at a fancy hotel, and the promise of a reunion romance trope.
Mentioned in this Episode
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Transcript
Kate: Hello and welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I am Kate Spencer,
Doree: And I am Doree Shafrir,
Kate: And together we are not experts.
Doree: We're not, but we are two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.
Kate: We are, and I want to tell you, I took a cooking class on Saturday with my husband as like a little date night, which was so much fun actually. I really loved it.
Doree: Cute.
Kate: Really enjoyed it. Shout out to hip cooks where we took the class, but I just had an observation, which is how weird it is when you are in these situations with strangers for a couple hours and you form a really weird bond, and then you're like, bye, see you later, and you never see them again.
Doree: Yes. I Guess
Kate: when you sit next to somebody on a plane,
Doree: Yes.
Kate: You know those weird relationships. You are in this cooking class, we have to eat our meal all together. We're all making the food and chatting and everyone's getting to know each other, and then it's just like, well, bye now. I don't know. I just find those experiences so strange.
Doree: It's funny you say that because do you remember, I would say anywhere from 15 or maybe more? Yeah, 16 to 10 years ago, let's say.
Kate: Okay.
Doree: If you met someone, even just in a cooking class, you would add them on Facebook or they would add you on Facebook. Does this resonate at all?
Kate: Yes. You'd meet somebody in passing and then the next day you get a Facebook friend request.
Doree: Yes. No one does that anymore. Maybe you start following them on Instagram, but it's it's not really a thing anymore.
Kate: That's such a good point. No, but you're so right. That is really fascinating. I hadn't thought about that in a while.
Doree: So in my Facebook feed, there's a guy I did a surf camp with in the Dominican Republic in 2011, but I have seen his whole journey with meeting his wife.
Kate: Oh My gosh.
Doree: All that people I met in Tulum in 2008, again, knew them for one week and now he's been, now I know their lives because we've been Facebook friends for 16 years. I recently sent a screen grab of the instructor from my bikini bootcamp who I'm Facebook friends with
Kate: what?
Doree: To the friend that I went on that trip with and was like, remember this guy? And she was like, oh yeah, I've followed his whole paleo journey. You're just like, oh, these random people.
Kate: Whoa.
Doree: Who I've never seen again. Literally never seen again. I knew them for a few days 15 years ago, and now we are somehow linked forever.
Kate: Wow. That you know what? That is really fascinating and the fact that that doesn't still happen. You're not still acquiring new acquaintances. You'll never see again.
Doree: No, and in fact, there's people I feel pretty close with most of my mom friends. I'm not Facebook, most of my IRL mom friends, I'm not Facebook friends with, I have a Facebook mom group of people, but they were people I mostly met through the Facebook mom group. The people who are Henry's friends parents we're not Facebook friends.
Kate: Oh, that's interesting. See, I am Facebook friends.
Doree: But your kids are older.
Kate: Yes. Yes. Well, I also feel like once you get to, although in preschool, I became Facebook friends with some, but you know what? The first preschool my daughter went to. No, I don't. I'm not Facebook friends with most of those parents. I kind of wish I was too, because now I want to see what their kids look like as 13 and 14 year olds. That's the other weird part of the journey is you become, I met, there's some moms I met in a mom group in Brooklyn and then we moved when Eleanor was 10 months, so I never saw them again, but I still am Facebook friends with them, so I still kind of see what have you been doing for the last 13 years? How are your kids?
Doree: It's really weird. I'm just looking at my feed right now. I want to see if anyone comes up who is one of those random people. I mean, it is mostly my groups and I mean, that's the other thing. People don't post a lot to Facebook just on their feeds anymore. It's all in groups.
Kate: I know it's kind of sad,
Doree: But yeah, every time I see someone like that, I'm like, oh yeah, you
Kate: Can You think of the most random person that you've been following along on their journey, whether it's a Facebook friend or also someone you followed on Tumblr 15 years ago who you still follow. Do you have anybody like that?
Doree: Yes. I mean, one of,
Kate: a lot of people like that.
Doree: One of them is one of the guys I just mentioned from surf camp in the Dominican Republic. He was like, I must have been. I was in my early thirties. He was probably 20 and he was there with his brother. They were Canadian, we're Facebook friends. Why? That was just what you did. It's these people that I met on trips mostly again 15 years ago. There's also a mom in Texas who I've seen her kids grow up, but I only know her because we were on this trip in Tulum in 2008. So she had a very young child at the time. Now her kid's in their twenties, but I don't know her and those people, you don't add on Facebook anymore, you know what I mean?
Kate: No, we don't do the random Facebook ads anymore or remember, we were all poking each other on Facebook early on.
Doree: I was never into the poking. I got to say I was not into the poking.
Kate: There's a person who I have been following since Tumblr in 2007. I have followed this woman through her wedding, moving to San Francisco, having a kid moving back to the east coast, having two more kids. I have followed this woman's entire adult life.
Doree: Wow.
Kate: She does not know who I am. We've never met, but she was a real kind of early Tumblr person and I just followed her blog or whatever her Tumblr, whatever you called them, and now I'm still there. Her kid's like 14, but I was there for the wedding and I look at her and her husband. I'm like, well, we're all getting old. We're all getting old guys Again, they don't know I exist, but yeah, and she's not an influencer. That's interesting. She has 7,000, not only, but she has 7,000 Instagram followers, so it's not like she's got a hundred thousand Instagram followers. She's essentially a regular person who was kind of a Tumblr influencer.
Doree: Yeah, I was going to say, was she big on Tumblr?
Kate: I bet she was. Yes. I think a lot of people probably followed her on Tumblr.
Doree: That makes sense. Fascinating.
Kate: It's a little strange, but yes, I do know what you mean though. The like a person. Yes, I bet 15, 10 years ago I would've followed or found at least one of these people from this cooking class
Doree: Right, and added them on Facebook.
Kate: Facebook, Yes. I would've followed their lives for 10 years
Doree: And you're like, I don't actually know this person, but we had fun one night.
Kate: Yeah, One night for three hours we made a flank stake and now I'm invested in their lives. But this is what throws me for with social media too, and I'm not saying anything new or exciting, but I really, and I've been thinking about this a lot as I try to spend less time on social media, is that I really do think it prevents me from genuinely catching up with people because you're catching up via social media, even whether this is an acquaintance or one of my closest friends, my best friend just got a new puppy and it's like I'm following the puppy on social media, so I haven't really texted to be like, how's the puppy? And I do think it creates a little bit of a wedge because we get the information without seeking it out from them.
Doree: That's interesting.
Kate: So I'm trying to be, as I try to spend less time on social media, I'm trying to remember, you have to actually forge the relationships and also ask questions. Not everybody's just giving us the info online.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: Food for thought,
Doree: Huh? Food for thought. Food for thought.
Kate: Also, Have you ever thought about this?
Doree: I can't wait to hear what this is. Yes.
Kate: Again, It's not groundbreaking.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: What if somebody has that relationship with you? What if someone
Doree: Oh, For sure. I'm sure all of these
Kate: been following your life.
Doree: Yes. I'm sure All of these people, the best is when I sometimes will get messages from these people being like, Hey, it's always like I'm writing a novel or it's like some, they're like, oh, this person, I remember this person. I actually got one of those. Oh my God, I'm just remembering this now. I got an Instagram DM from someone who was like, Hey, I don't know if you remember me, but we were in Cabo. We were on a yoga retreat in Cabo together in 2012, and her Instagram hand, her name wasn't like her real name and her picture, I was like, what is your name? And then she told me and I was like, oh yeah, I sort of remember you. You know what I mean?
Kate: Goodness. Yeah.
Doree: But I'll tell you another funny thing that has happened, which is that people I met pre-Facebook on random trips or whatever because I used to go on more trips.
Kate: I know you went on a lot of trips, a lot of retreats, trips
Doree: Found me. I did a summer abroad program when I was in grad school in Berlin, and one of my friends from that class found me and I was like, oh yeah, we went to a naked pool together once.
Kate: Wait a second. Hold on. I'm going to need this story. You went to a naked pool in Berlin?
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: Go on. If you feel like sharing,
Doree: it was not a sexy experience. There were just a lot of naked people and
Kate: In a pool
Doree: Swimming about,
Kate: Wait, it wasn't like a hot spring or
Doree: No,
Kate: it was just, you're at the Y, but everybody's naked.
Doree: No, I'm going to try and find it. Liquid Rom, could this be it?
Kate: Liquid Pool Berlin. Let's Google and see. Yes, they're naked. What is this liquid Rom? Is this it?
Doree: I don't think this was it. It was not. This looks like a rave. No, this was not it. I mean, or maybe it turned into this, but this was not it. I mean, I feel like in Germany there's more nudity
Kate: Than America.
Doree: Just like,
Kate: I mean, we are never nudes over here.
Doree: Yeah, we are never nudes over here. I don't know. I don't,
Kate: Okay, so wait a second. Sorry, just packing up. Set the scene. You and a friend were like, let's go to the nude pools. And then you went and just swam around and that was, it's not sexual, it's just, and then
Doree: it's like going to a Korean spa here, except it was co-ed.
Kate: Oh, wow. So the pool, was it like dipping pools or was it a just a big swimming pool?
Doree: It wasn't like swimming laps,
Kate: Like a soaking kind of thing. Bouncing around maybe.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: Now this is where I am now. I'm now on a website where I'm looking for Berlin Berlin's best. They call it FKK, which is Free Corp per culture, and that is their nudist culture. Did I say that right?
Doree: That's definitely how it's pronounced.
Kate: Okay. Here, I'm going to send you the link and then you can say it in German. So it sounds like this is kind of a part of German culture is, like nudism is
Doree: Actually, yes, this is what I'm saying.
Kate: Yes. Okay, that's really cool. I didn't know that about Germans. I didn't know that they were just down to Naked Swim.
Doree: Well, now I'm on naked adventure.eu would've happened. Wait, this actually might be at, no, I wonder if this is it. I don't know if I would recognize, oh, you know what? Actually this does. Does this look familiar? This looks, no, no, I don't think so. I don't think this is it. Anyway. Alright.
Kate: Wow. Well, I'm glad we got this anecdote
Doree: Nude additude. I've better read
Kate: You going out to
Doree: Make it this link that you sent me.
Kate: Nude Attitude. That's a great title for this episode.
Doree: You got a nude attitude.
Kate: Wait, so what is this word? Free? What is this?
Doree: Where?
Kate: How Do you,
Doree: Okay, so it says, oh, I see. Oh, fry corporate culture. I believe it means free body culture.
Kate: Wow, cool. Fry
Doree: Ture
Kate: Couture. I don't think I've ever said a word of German.
Doree: Oh, well, I mean these are mostly outdoors. This place was definitely indoors. Listen, if you are German and you're listening to this and this rings any bells, please let me know because
Kate: or Balls doesn't ring your balls.
Doree: EWW
Kate: They would be at one of these pools. The balls would be out
Doree: gross.
Kate: Sorry,
Doree: Stop. I think we need to,
Kate: she's spoken like a true American.
Doree: Yes. Alright,
Kate: let's take a break. Okay.
Doree: Before we do that, let's remind everyone that our website is Forever35podcast.com. We are on Instagram @Forever35podcast. You can join our patreon at patreon.com/forever35. We are in the home stretch of the oc.
Kate: Good Lord, the show
Doree: We're not traumatized at all.
Kate: It has bewitched me.
Doree: You also get product recall and our casual chats if you join our Patreon, our newsletter is at Forever35podcast.com/newsletter. And you can call or text us at (781) 591-0390 and email us at Forever35Podcast@gmail.com. And now we'll take a break.
Kate: Alright, we are switching gears and we have a bunch of questions and comments from listeners about parenting, pregnancy, being childless, being childless by choice, lots of questions, comments, thoughts. Now, if any of this is I guess a loving content warning, not for everybody, but we are covering a lot of ground, so stick with us.
Doree: So let's kick things off with a voicemail.
Kate: Here we go.
Voicemail: Hey there, Kate and Doree, very long-term listener here. Huge fan of all of your Patreon content. Thank you so much. I really appreciate having so much of your content to listen to. Anyway, I'm calling with a question for the two of you as moms who are a bit further out in the motherhood journey than I'm myself. I am 37 and my son is just about to turn 10 months old. And I am wondering about how to be comfortable in a postpartum body. It's been 10 months now and I still feel like I've been run over by a truck pretty much every day. I know I should work out more, but I'm so tired when I have a moment, I really don't want to work out and I'm kind of a good cook. But we're all just totally in survival mode at the moment. So it's not really a time in our lives where we're planning and cooking super healthy meals. And it's also not really about weight. I did gain weight, but I'm not hugely bothered by that. It's really just that I feel weak and achy and uncomfortable and odd and just not really at home in my own body. So I've been wondering, does that change? Does it get better? How was it for you guys? Did you have strategies? Yeah. Does it get better? Please tell me. Thank you. Bye.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: Short answer. Yes,
Doree: Short answer, yes, definitely. The insanity of, I think the first year is just not something that I think is replicated. The demands change and things get complicated in other ways, but the experience of having a completely helpless human who you have to just be taken care of all the time is that does get better. They do become more independent and autonomous creatures.
Kate: Yes. I think it takes a long time to kind of, well, I don't even want to say feel normal, but just kind of feel like you're emerging in the world again. And would, if you can let go of the I should be doing this or we should be doing that, and just figure out ways for you to get through in terms of I should be working out. I mean, no, you shouldn't. I would not put that on yourself, but also I would try to reframe it as, could you move for five minutes a day? Could you stretch? Could you meditate? Could you do something that just kind of centers you in your body? I don't think it has to be that you're going out five days a week and power lifting. I think it can really be even just a walk around the block.
Doree: That's your thing.
Kate: Yeah, that's your thing. Amazing. And also just a reminder that we're not set up for this to be an easy experience in any way. So it's not you.
Doree: Totally. I will say that I had kind of just started feeling more normal when lockdown hit.
Kate: I mean, the madness of that is so wild.
Doree: I stopped breastfeeding in November, but I was still pumping pretty much till Henry turned one. And so lockdown hit six weeks before he turned one, and I just started going out a little bit more with friends, kind of dipping a toe into the outside world and then boom,
Kate: Surprise,
Doree: Surprise. But I think that lockdown aside, it took me at least a year to feel like the brain fog was lifting a little bit.
Kate: Yeah, Because I had had my second child when my first child was about two. I didn't start to come out of a fog until my second kid was like three.
Doree: That's a lot of foggy years.
Kate: It's a foggy year or five, it's just foggy. I do think toddlers are hard. It's always challenging being a parent, but the kind of getting rest and that set of thing, it does come back. You will have time to work out again. So I would just, if you can give yourself a little break on the pressure of feeling like all the things that you should be doing,
Doree: Which I fully acknowledge is easier said than done,
Kate: So much easier said than done from people who now have Doree. Your son's still, he's almost five, but that's still a bit of a wild time. My kids are now can cook eggs on the stove without me being home.
Doree: And also my son doesn't do drop off play dates yet. There's just a lot of ways that he is still very, very young.
Kate: Yeah, he's still very dependent.
Doree: Yes. But it has gotten a lot better from when he was one for sure.
Kate: Thank you for your question.
Doree: Yeah, I really like this question. Alright. Should we hear another voicemail?
Kate: I would love that.
Doree: Okay.
Voicemail: Hey, question I think for Doree, but I suppose either of you could answer when you are or were struggling with getting pregnant. Did you have to deal with friends who have kids who complained about their kids a lot to you? And if so, how did you navigate that with Grace? Because it's hard to listen to people complain about how hard it is to be a parent. I know it is hard to be a parent in theory. I'm not one yet. I dunno actually. So I empathize with them, but also it's hard to sit and listen to the people complain about the thing that you want the most in the world. So yeah, just wondering if you had any advice. Thanks.
Doree: I am so sorry you're going through this. I have been there. I relate. It's really hard. The way I dealt with it was kind of Trying to not put myself in situations where I knew I was going to be the only non mom in a group because it was too hard. And it's not fair also to tell new moms or even old moms like, Hey, I don't think it's fair to be like, Hey, don't talk about your kids. That's just tough. They should be allowed to complain. But also, it's really hard to be on the receiving end of that because I know what would go through my mind is I would love to be complaining about this, and that's not fair to put on your friends, but it's also not great for you to be around. So it sucks, but I just kind of remove myself for a little while. I don't have any other great suggestions because I think it also, it depends on how close you are with the people. I think if it's your best friend, I think you can just be like, Hey, you know what? It's really hard for me right now to listen and I totally don't want to put you in a situation where you feel like you can't talk to me. But it's just really hard right now and I hope at some point I can be that friend again for you. But right now I can't. For me, it was a lot of people who I wasn't super close with and I would just find myself if I was at a party and I would suddenly find myself standing around in a group of four moms and me,
Kate: That's the worst. And they're all talking about kids,
Doree: And I see myself doing it now.
Kate: Right. Of course.
Doree: Same when you're the only one. It is a little, this kind of sucks. So I don't know. I see you. This is really, it's such a hard place to be.
Kate: Yeah, it sounds like it. I've never been in that position, so I don't really feel like I can weigh in.
Doree: Has anyone ever,
Kate: I think your advice is sound.
Doree: Has anyone ever said anything to you? I'm having a hard time. Have any of your friends who don't have kids ever said anything to you along those lines?
Kate: I'm trying to think of a specific instance. I try to be conscientious of those conversations because also it's sitting around hearing a bunch of lawyers talk about law when you're not a lawyer. It's like, why don't Also, this is just, even if it's not super triggering, it's also boring to sit and listen to people talk about shit that doesn't apply to you, which we all do at times in our life, but sometimes it's just like, I don't care.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: I don't need to, whatever the topic is, your favorite baseball team. I don't know, whatever. But I think people, yes, people have communicated or have communicated. It's just I'm feeling sad about this right now. And so it's just kind of hard for me. I mean even I think there were times when you opted out of a couple podcast things before you were in IVF treatments. It was, and I fully get that. I think that applies to so many things too. It's just being, I think it's just having our empathy, trying to always try to turn our empathy on when we can. And we're not always perfect at knowing when something might not be comfortable for somebody or might not be pleasant for somebody to be listening to. But yeah, I think communication, if you feel comfortable, is really valuable.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: And it's nice of you to give people the opportunity to try to improve in that way. That's a gift that you would be giving people, but no pressure. You don't have to give the gift. Great question. That's really hard.
Doree: Really hard.
Kate: We're going to switch gears.
Doree: Okay, let's do that.
Kate: And now just come in with a parenting tip. Okay. That according to this listener, it has revolutionized all caps. Their morning routine. This person wrote, we now use the time timer to tell the kids minor five and seven and your mileage may vary when they need to be at the table for breakfast. Then we use the timer after breakfast to tell them when they need to be ready for school so they can brush their teeth, put on socks and shoes at sat. Instead of us badgering them every step of the way while trying to get breakfast and lunch ready. They're in charge and everyone is happier. Hope this helps anyone out there who has been losing their temper before breakfast. We use the time timer all over my house. It really helps my kids and me.
Doree: I sometimes write with this woman who has a son who is a year older than Henry, and we use the time timer when we write for writing sprints. And she told me recently that she got a time timer and it has changed her life with her child in the same way that her kid is able to now understand because it makes you visualize the time. He has a better grasp of time and how long things take. And she was just like, thank you for bringing this into my life.
Kate: The time timer is one of the greatest inventions.
Doree: I have one sitting on my desk.
Kate: I do too.
Doree: Oh, hello.
Kate: I love it. For example, one of my kids was taking very long showers and
Doree: You were like, we live in California, you can't take really long showers.
Kate: I was like, you have to take a three. It has to be three minutes. We have to be, not only do we need to be saving water, but just this is unnecessary. And I love, look, I know the pleasures of hot water blasting at you for a long period of time, but it was getting absurd. And she brought that time timer into the bathroom and it was the only thing that helped. It was the only thing that helped. It was amazing.
Doree: Wow.
Kate: Yeah. I love that fricking time timer. So much more than using your phone to time yourself. I highly recommend trying out a time timer for anything it can be used for so many times.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: Thank you to the inventor of the time timer, whose name is Jan Rogers.
Doree: Thank you Jan.
Kate: Because I'm on their website looking at Jan holding a time timer and she's wearing an Apple watch, but she knows a time timer is what we need.
Doree: Gets it.
Kate: She gets it. Thank you, Jan. Okay, should we do one more?
Doree: Sure.
Kate: Oh, we have time for more than one more. We could do a million.
Doree: A million. Wow.
Kate: We have two more. I think we can do the next two.
Doree: Okay. Here's an email. Hi Kat and Dor. Can we talk about how lonely the first trimester is? I just found out that I'm seven weeks pregnant and cannot be more over the moon excited. I have PCOS, so you can imagine how excited I am to know that I conceived on my own. My family also knows I struggl with PCOS, so they are not by any means pushy on me, pushy on asking me if I'm pregnant for background, I just got married and my family knows we're trying. When I found out, I immediately told my husband and one of my best friends. So I only have two people who know as of right now, my first appointment slash ultrasound until I'm about 10 and a half weeks. How am I supposed to wait that long? I'm going crazy. Just wanting to know if everything is okay with the baby and want to wait until that appointment before I start telling lots of people. However, that's a very long time to wait. I so badly want to share the news early, but I'm terrified that something will go wrong and I'll have to retell them some bad news. Just feeling very impatient and a little lonely while not feeling well and having to pretend like everything is normal.
Kate: This is such a tricky time and tricky thing. I mean, I think you get to do it how you want, but I understand the balance of wanting to share the news but not wanting to have to deal with having to reshare, upsetting news if things change. I understand it. I've been with you. And the other thing is, and I think our bodies, oftentimes in early pregnancy, we're having extreme reactions to being pregnant. You feel sick, you feel tired. I had a lot of bleeding in early pregnancy both times, which was scary. And then when you're not telling people you're going through these things in a really isolated way, and it's just very lonely, it's just a strange time. I mean, I don't know if I have any advice on how to get through it. I just remember, especially with my first pregnancy, just really feeling this so deeply.
Doree: So I think I have probably a unique perspective on this because I was doing a podcast about trying to get pregnant whilst trying to get pregnant. So I was bringing thousands of people along for the ride every time we did.
Kate: That's so intense.
Doree: Embryo transfer. People knew when I got the call from my doctor telling me that the transfer had worked and I was pregnant with Henry, they knew right away. They knew that weekend and
Kate: I knew that weekend.
Doree: And you knew that weekend
Kate: I was in a hotel room with you.
Doree: Yes. And at first I was sort of like, oh, this is weird. Yeah, you're not supposed to tell people till 12 weeks or whatever it is. But I kind of changed my mind about this and I decided that It's not your responsibility to take care of other people's feelings about if you lose your pregnancy. And in fact, I think that I believe it is more important to have the support of people, and I hope this doesn't happen, but if you lose your pregnancy, so to me, I think we need to challenge this idea that you shouldn't tell people until 12 weeks because then that just means that so many people are suffering alone because they haven't told anyone. Whereas think about it this way, if you're like, Hey, I got a positive pregnancy test. I'm only seven weeks, so I'm a little nervous, but right now, today I'm pregnant and you tell people this great, they can be happy for you for three more weeks. And then at 10 weeks, 10 and a half weeks, when you go to the doctor, you either get to tell them, we had our first scan and everything looks amazing. Or you have to be like, I'm so sorry, but you don't even have to say you're sorry. You can just be like, yeah, there was no heartbeat. And then they get to comfort you and you don't have to feel so alone. So I personally feel like I've been on a one woman crusade for the past six years, and of course everyone can make their own decision. If you don't feel comfortable doing this, you don't have to. But I wish we could normalize telling people before it is socially acceptable. Because here's the other thing, a lot of people feel like shit during the first trimester. I know I did.
Kate: Me too.
Doree: So I was glad that I had told so many people that I felt like shit because then I could be like, you know what? I really feel awful today. I'm not going to be able to go out or whatever. Instead of just being like, I don't feel good. And that also felt good just to be able to be honest about that. And people were very supportive. Like Kate Spencer. Yeah.
Kate: Oh, thanks. That's right. You had a lot of nausea those early.
Doree: Yeah, it was very bad.
Kate: Am I remembering correctly?
Doree: Yes. I was very sick and I was taking Diclegis, which is an anti-nausea medication that also makes you sleepy and brain foggy. So in my attempts to feel not nauseous, I felt very out of it.
Kate: Yes, I remember this.
Doree: That's just another thing. I hope you don't feel like this, but I dunno. I feel like you can tell people and it's not, and you don't have to feel bad if the pregnancy doesn't work out because you're worried about how other people are going to feel. You can feel bad of course, but not like, oh, I don't want to let them down. That's not on you. That's on them am.
Kate: Yeah. I think the question is, who are you trying to protect by not sharing this information? If it's yourself, great, because it might be too much for you to share. And then if you lose your pregnancy, have to share that. So
Doree: Totally
Kate: protect yourself. But if you're doing it to protect other people, and I say this as a people pleaser who's been working so hard on why she is this way and learning about other choices I could make, and it's very clunky and hard, but I do think Doree is totally right, that it's not your responsibility to manage their feelings so you don't have to protect them in this way. Alright, let's take another break, Doree, and we'll come back and share our intentions for this week.
Doree: Great.
Kate: I really appreciate people asking us these questions and sharing these things.
Doree: Me too.
Kate: Thank you for doing that. Well, last week I think I had told you I was going to throw out all my expired medication. Not only did I not do that, but last night I took a medication that was expired.
Doree: Oh, how'd it go for you?
Kate: Well, I'm still here. So good. But I mean, it was expired January, 2024. I was like, you know what? This is fine. Right. That's fine.
Doree: I took Tylenol the other day that expired in, I want to say 2019
Kate: Doree. No.
Doree: What?
Kate: No, don't do that.
Doree: But why?
Kate: I don't know. Because I don't think you're supposed to.
Doree: You're not supposed to because it's not supposed to be as effective, but I don't think it will.
Kate: It's not going to hurt you.
Doree: Hurt you.
Kate: Okay. Okay.
Doree: I mean, feel free to weigh in anyone and tell me that I'm wrong, but it seemed to work.
Kate: Okay. Well that's good.
Doree: So yeah.
Kate: Well, I would like to eventually clean out all the expired medication in my house, but I just don't think it's going to happen right now. I dunno. It's on the list this week. I just want to have patience with myself, with my kids, with other parents that I'm dealing with, with life. I am an impatient person. It is a practice and I am just trying to be more patient.
Doree: I like that.
Kate: Thank you. How about you?
Doree: Well, last week my intention was to invite people over.
Kate: Ooh.
Doree: And Henry is going to have a play date on Wednesday at our house.
Kate: Oh, that's a big deal.
Doree: It's a big deal.
Kate: Well done, Doree. You did it.
Doree: And over the weekend I did. I took it upon myself to do a major closet cleanout of Matt's clothes.
Kate: Okay. Now, did you have to convince him to let you do this? Or was he all for it?
Doree: He was all for it. And there's various reasons why it was I psychologically better for me to do it. And yeah. And also I have three big bags of stuff that are going to be donated. I brought some stuff to my son's. Preschool was doing a clothing drive this week, and I brought three smallish bags because I was like, oh, we can't overload. I have three massive bags, so we'll see. But that feels good. So I'm hoping to kind of continue the momentum.
Kate: That's awesome. Yeah. Well done.
Doree: Thank you.
Kate: You're really on a roll.
Doree: Thank you, Kate. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm really trying.
Kate: I mean, I see you. I see you trying. I see you on it. So I see you. Well, Doree, this is the time where we thank our Patreon subscribers at the $10 level. I believe it's your turn to read names.
Doree: I believe it is.
Kate: And I love to sit and listen to everybody's names. I find it so fun.
Doree: We are so grateful to our Patreon supporters. You help keep the podcast going. We love talking to you in the Discord. If you want to check out what the Patreon is all about, you can do a seven day free trial. That's at patreon.com/forever35. At the $10 level. You get ad free episodes, which always fun. And you also get your name read on the podcast every month as a little thank you. So thank you to the following people. Amy Schnitzer, Heather Hale, Megan Donald Brew, Jr. Jen, Jen, Helen de Mos, Shelly Lee, Kim Beagler, Amelia Dela, Sarah Jenna, Sarah Boozy. Alison Cohen, Laura, Susan, ETH, Ette, Lynette Jones, Fran, Kelsey Wolf, Don Alexandra, Houghton. Laura. Eddie. Pam from Boston Tel Apte, Valerie, Bruno, Jane Thoreau, Katie, Quatro, Jackson, Amy Macheka. Liz Rain. J. DK, Hannah, M Julia. Putt, Juliana. Che. Marissa, Andrea Sepulveda, CE Bee, Diana, Becky Hobbs, Haer, Kirsten Collins, Coco Bean, Laura Hadden, Josie Zi, Nikki Boer, Juliana Duff, Chelsea Torres, Angie James, Tiffany Griffith, Diane M. Martin, Emily McIntyre, Stephanie Ana, Elizabeth Anderson, Kelly Dearborn, Christine Bassis, Caroline, Jessica Gale, Jennifer Barrett, Zuma, Lundy, Carrie Golds, Heather Kinka, Ann Tao, Rodham, Nikki, Catherine Eon, Kara Brugmann. cc, Sarah Agan. Jess Kabin. Jennifer Olson, Jennifer HS, Jillian, Beman, Brianne, Macy, Elizabeth, Holland, Karen Perelman. M, Bethany, Lisa, Travis, Kate, M, Emily, Brier, Josie, Alquist, Tara, Todd, Elizabeth, Cleary, Monica, Joanna, stone, and Beth. And thank you to our listeners who put in the pronunciation of their names in their patron names. We really appreciate that.
Kate: We do. Thank you. I also, in my head, I'm doing a bit where Kim Kardashian subscribes to the podcast and we read her name.
Doree: Oh, that would be funny.
Kate: Or just any celebrity whose name would make you chuckle in that list.
Doree: Totally. Or someone who is not a celebrity could put in a celebrity's name as their name.
Kate: Or What if somebody from our past who we haven't seen for 15 years, but you met on a surf trip 15 years ago, subscribes, and then you see their name.
Doree: Oh my gosh. That would be so funny. Well, on that note, Forever35 is hosted and produced by me, Doree Shafrir and Kate Spencer, and produced and edited by Sam Junio. Sami Reed is our project manager and our network partner is Acast. Thanks everyone so much.
Kate: Bye.