Episode 377: Teeing It Up with Hilary Lassoff

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Written By Forever 35 Podcast
Hilary Lassoff Golfing Bunker Club Founder

“[Golf] is not about being perfect.

It's about being gentle with yourself and enjoying the process.”

-Hilary Lassoff

We’ve got a golfer on the show! Hilary Lassoff, Founder of Bunker Club – a golf-centered social club for women, queers and underrepresented voices – joins the pod to talk about all things community, sports, and how coaching can change the way you feel about a sport with Doree and Elise.

Plus, we did it! The Forever35 (aka YOUR) Giving Circle investments helped us make Virginia the country’s newest pro-democracy trifecta! Thank you to everyone who was able to donate! And thank you to everyone who voted, went door-knocking, or in any way engaged civically this election cycle. <3

Transcript

 

The transcript for this episode is AI generated.

Doree Shafrir (00:10):

Hello and welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Doree Shafrir.

Elise Hu (00:17):

And I'm Elise Hu. And we are two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.

Doree Shafrir (00:21):

Today we have Hilary Lassoff on the podcast. Hilary is the founder of Bunker Club, which is a community and social club for women, queers and other underrepresented voices in golf. And she's just doing something really cool. Yeah, we had a really interesting conversation with her about being an athlete, why she loves golf, why people should get into golf. She really wants Elise to come play golf with her.

Elise Hu (00:53):

Doree has gotten to know Hilary, sort of pre her appearance on the pod and pitched her as a potential guest because she's doing a lot of community building because she has just a lot of energy and moxie, but also golf. We love having some jocks on the show every once in a while. We had, I remember having Caitlin from Racket Magazine on last summer and she was awesome and very opinionated. How did you get to know Hilary?

Doree Shafrir (01:24):

So a friend of mine knows this woman who teaches pickleball, and I think that this woman is friends with Hilary. And so that woman had told my friend about Bunker Club and then my friend told me about it and I just started following them on Instagram. And then at one point Hilary had posted something about poker tournament that Bunker Club was hosting and your ears perked up. My ears perked up and I just dmd her and I was like, I can't make it, but have you ever thought about having a cash game, just like a casual cash game? Mind you, I didn't know this. I didn't know her, but she was like, oh my God, other people have suggested that too. I'm going to put something together. And then a few weeks later she was like, I'm hosting a poker night. You should come. And so I went, turned out she lived really close to me. She since moved, but she lived really close to me at the time and I was like, oh, this is so fun. And she's so gregarious and so welcoming and so outgoing, and I didn't really know that many people. Although it turned out there was someone at the poker night who I had played tennis with a year earlier. I hadn't seen her in months, so it was fun to reconnect with her. But yeah, that's how I met Hilary. I basically slid into her dms.

Elise Hu (02:59):

Long story short, I slid into her Ds, long story short, and today she is on Forever35. Yes, in a bit. First we're going to catch up because this is the first Monday after last Tuesday's sweeping victory for Democrats all over the country where there were races, notably Virginia, where we directed our giving circle funds. So many of you contributed to our Giving Circle goal, which we kind of did last minute this year with the State's project. Big update there. If you recall, when Melissa Walker from the States project was on, she said that there were all these toss up races. She really wanted the states project really wanted, and Democrats nationally really wanted Virginia to be a pro-democracy trifecta. Essentially to have the majorities in both houses of the state legislature and the governorship. And with the victory of Abigail Berger, who is now the first woman governor of Virginia, along with holding the majorities in the legislature, Virginia is a trifecta just as the State's project had been working for, it's not just holding a slim majority, it is a expanded majority, which was crazy. And it was due in part to you all and your investment in Virginia and wow, it was really weird actually on election night for something good to happen. Yeah, I was sort of disoriented. I know and scared. I was sort of like uhoh, what's going to happen now?

(04:39)
But very exciting there in Virginia. I know a lot of New Yorkers are very happy that Cuomo is not back in office and we have the big victory of Momani. And here in California, that ballot measure, that was the one thing on our ballot, we had one thing to vote for and people lined up to vote in California. I was surprised. I went to vote at two o'clock in the afternoon. I sent Doree a text, an image. There was a long ass line to vote for one thing.

Doree Shafrir (05:10):

Well, I dropped our ballots off because in California there are these ballot boxes in front of libraries and other civic buildings. And so I just bopped over to the library close to our house and dropped 'em off. And there was a steady stream of people also dropping off their ballots, which I was like, oh, I haven't really seen that before when I've dropped ballots off on election day. And then I was driving home from picking up Henry from school, and we drove past a polling place in a church and there was a line wrapped around the block.

Elise Hu (05:42):

Wow. I

Doree Shafrir (05:43):

Was like, wow.

Elise Hu (05:43):

And this is all for the one ballot measure to redraw our lines in the middle of a decade in order to counter the redistricting that was going on in Texas. So that ballot measure won decisively by double digits. I don't have the numbers right in front of me, but was pretty crazy, like yay for democracy, yay for turnout in an off year. Totally. I'm pleasantly surprised because it's been feeling pretty bleak, but let us just celebrate this one night. That was pretty phenomenal. And I mean, turnout was a big win, so that was exciting to see. But what other headlines are going on? Do you have any exciting weekend plans coming up? Are you going to 18 birthday parties?

Doree Shafrir (06:31):

Well, I told Matt that we're going to have to play rock paper scissors to see who goes to this birthday party on Saturday with Henry.

Elise Hu (06:43):

I know you divide and conquer.

Doree Shafrir (06:47):

It's at a David Buster's type place. It's not David Busters sensory

Elise Hu (06:51):

Overload. Yeah,

Doree Shafrir (06:52):

Massive sensory overload for me. Not to mention my child, it's also far, it's really far from our house, so I don't really want to make that drive. So I'm like,

Elise Hu (07:11):

It's so funny you mentioned Dave and Busters because on Mondays, every Monday I have a work meeting with my production company partner, Rachel, and we catch up on the weekend and we talk about what culture we've been listening to or watching. It used to be like everybody who checked in would talk about a podcast that they're really into and make a recommendation. So it was sort of this discovery thing, but then it turned into more of a like, what are you watching? What are you reading? But before that, I kind of asked her, I was like, okay, what's the thing that you're really grateful for from this weekend? Or what was the best thing that happened to you this past weekend? And she was like, there were two Dave and Buster birthday parties this weekend, and Tim went to both. So her husband handled two Dave and Buster birthday parties in a row. And she was like, because I couldn't have done it. I can't do it. It's just too much for me. Rachel is a very sensitive soul. She can't handle all of the lights and the sounds and the socializing. She won't do it. And so for her husband to have done that, that was her big gratitude.

Doree Shafrir (08:08):

I mean, honestly. Yeah, that's huge. So romantic. And then my tennis team is having a party to celebrate nationals, and then also one of our beloved team members is moving back to where she's from, which is Dubai. A little far. Little, little far. Yeah, a little far. So everyone's very sad about that. It's kind of a sendoff. It's a sendoff. Yeah. So that'll be nice. And one of the other teammates is hosting the party, so that'll be really fun. Cool. I'm glad we get to do

Elise Hu (08:50):

It. Are the spouses going? Those of you who are partnered, have the partners gotten to know each other?

Doree Shafrir (08:55):

No, this is very much like this is our

Elise Hu (08:58):

Thing. Yes. Got it. I only ask because of Texas, because you mentioned when you went to nationals, all the

Doree Shafrir (09:06):

Husbands went, all the men folk were there. But no, that actually seemed to be the exception, not the rule at nationals. It did seem like most people were not there with their spouses that they had kind of done a girls trip for whatever it's worth. But yeah, we haven't done hangs with the partners. And also not everyone is partnered, so

Elise Hu (09:38):

You don't want it to seem

Doree Shafrir (09:40):

Like, yeah, we don't want it to seem like dividing or anything. But yeah, I'm excited for that. It'll be nice to just hang out with everyone without the pressure of a tournament.

Elise Hu (09:53):

Yeah, you can just socialize and eat and drink and be merry. Fantastic.

Doree Shafrir (09:57):

Alright, before we get to our guest, just a reminder that you can visit our website, which is Forever35 podcast.com. We have links there to everything we mentioned on the show. We are also on Instagram at FE 35 podcast. Our Patreon is at patreon.com/forever35. Our newsletter has moved over to Patreon, so you can join our Patreon at the free tier and get our newsletter. And then at the various other tiers, there's all kinds of bonus content. We do our casual chats, we also have ad free episodes. We do monthly pop culture recommendation episodes, so there's a lot happening over on our Patreon. And that's at patreon.com/forever35. I should also mention that the Patreon keeps the podcast going, so thank you all. If you like the show and you want it to keep going, please support us on Patreon.

(10:52)
It really does make a difference. So patreon.com/forever35. Our favorite products are at shopmy.US/forever35, our newsletters on Patreon, but you can also sign up via Forever35podcast.com/newsletter. And you can call or text us at (781) 591-0390. Email us at Forever35podcast@gmail.com. And as I mentioned before, our guest today is Hilary Lasoff, and Hilary played collegiate golf at Florida Tech. She is a poker enthusiast, a boxer, a vintage car lover, and the founder of Bunker Club. And we are going to take a short break and we'll be right back with Hilary.

Elise Hu (11:34):

We'll be right back.

Doree Shafrir (11:43):

Hilary, welcome to Forever35. It's so good to see you and have you on the show. Likewise,

Hilary Lassoff (11:49):

Doree and Elise, thank you for having me.

Doree Shafrir (11:51):

Yay. Well, we start off our conversations with our guests by asking them the same question that we are going to ask you as well, which is what is a self-care practice that you have?

Hilary Lassoff (12:05):

I love self-care and when I was looking at and falling in love with a Forever35 podcast, and I saw, and I don't want to jump the gun here, so we may have to restart the podcast, but a skincare routine for me, a lot of self-help hasn't always been in skincare, it's been a lot more in other practices. I've been kind of recently, golf is honestly a lot of my self-help and my mental safe space. But yeah, I do. And starting to do more, a lot of meditation and walking and being in nature and things like that. Again, without jumping the gun. I'm a very simple girl when it comes to skincare, I will say. And my girlfriend has gotten me very much more involved in understanding and learning skincare. I've learned brands that I didn't know those existed before. Now there's a regiment that I'm doing at night as well. But yeah, I mean for me, self-care runs the gamut for me of the entirety day of what different things that I like to do or partake in that kind of bring fun and peace to the day.

Elise Hu (13:16):

Yeah, and for us too, the show is about all different ways that we take care of ourselves. And it sounds like you get a lot of, you feel a certain kind of freedom and step into yourself by playing golf, which isn't true for a lot of us. Like me, I never really found it peaceful, but I would love to know what you feel like, what you got out of it when you first fell in love with it, what it brings you today.

Hilary Lassoff (13:49):

Yeah, well, like I said before we even started the podcast and recording, I really am excited to golf with you and maybe not even change that perspective, but kind of get you golfing again and finding a new love for it. Because I think it's my own experience, and I think a lot of people share in this experience is, as we know, golf is very rooted in a very specific culture that as women when we're young growing up, it's not something actively that is presented to us or even welcomed to us, even if we have family members that play. I grew up, I didn't have any family that played golf. My mom had a boyfriend when I was 14 and he was a really big golfer. And so my mom fell in love with golf and then I subsequently really fell in love with golf and I was a big athlete growing up and I'm also a twin and I have a twin sister. And so very much, and I think even in hindsight kind of almost in a way competing for my own. I grew up in team sports and love team sports, but once I found golf at a very young age, it was kind of almost this individualism that I got to play and create my own identity in. I got to, and even though golf clubs then still now for women, were working, they're working on that, we're working on that.

(15:11)
That's another conversation. But I got to pick my own clothes. It wasn't just the same uniform that you're going to throw on the rest of your teammates. And I do think in retrospect and in hindsight, that was something really important for me to have my own identity. So golf really gave me that. I was able to used hop the fence, I had a country club behind my house and I would hop the fence and go play golf and just kind of make it my own on my terms when I wanted to go. So I fell in love with it really quickly and I became really good at golf and I ended up going to school to play golf and now working in the golf space and providing a space for women and for marginalized groups in the queer community to join in a sport that has been rooted in a very different culture and a gatekeeping s culture. So yeah, golf has been all the things to me and has afforded me meeting so many amazing people. I've been to so many places to play golf, and so having now being someone who can provide that opportunity to someone else through golf is really special to me.

Doree Shafrir (16:21):

Yeah. So tell us about how you started Bunker Club, because when I met you, you had started Bunker Club. I did not know a pre-B Bunker Club, Hilary. So tell us kind of all about the genesis of it, why you wanted to start it and how it's going.

Hilary Lassoff (16:40):

Yeah, Doree, I'm so happy to know that girl pre Bunker Club, who is she?

(16:45)
Yeah, I worked in the ad industry for 10 years. I look 13, but I'm really almost 35. So I worked in the ad industry for 10 years and a bunch of my friends and my, my really good group of queer girlfriends, we all played golf ironically here in la and we would go out a bunch and growing up in golf as women, you would get the similar star on the golf course or stairs on the golf or all the, I won't say misogynist, but just everything that kind of goes into women approaching a golf course or being out on a golf

Elise Hu (17:22):

Course. So many dudes wanted to help me with my swing.

Hilary Lassoff (17:26):

So many dudes want to come in and tell you, and I think that, and it's so important because it's not about a man versus a women thing, but in community, in women, we share something so special. And then when you filter that down to sub communities within the l LGBTQ community and other multicultural groups and other marginalized groups, we get to really find safe spaces and

Hilary Lassoff (17:51):

We

Hilary Lassoff (17:51):

Get to learn better. We get to enjoy company more. And that just is, and that's the beauty of community and us getting to pick and choose that. But so we would go out a bunch to play golf and I was like, oh my God. And especially in LA is we know there's not a ton of golf courses that you can just go and post up at catch a vibe, have a cocktail after, maybe have a dinner after. It's kind of almost to me and it's a country club versus just kind a public, you roll up, you don't have your space or where you go or where you want to hang out. So I kind of started bunker on the premise of, oh my God, I love to play golf with the people I love the most. And wouldn't it be so cool to create an actual physical space in a golf world?

(18:39)
Almost kind of like if you guys watch the L word of any listeners have watched the L word, a planet mixed with a Soho House mixed with a golf country club, but just for us and just for women and just for the queer community and this beautiful growing community that we're experiencing and that we're taking part in. So that was kind of the premise for it. And then very quickly it was all of a sudden everybody was like, oh my God, I grew up playing high school golf. At least you are like, oh my God, I played golf with my dad, but I never felt welcome. Or Oh my God, I played golf in college, but I don't really have a group of girls or group of queer women or to go out and play golf with. And then the wheels started turning of like, oh my god, physical space and maybe part two or three or four, but how can we actually build a really cool community where we can do golf and have fun?

(19:31)
And then we can also do really cool social events too that we just get to kick it, like Doree our dinner and we have member dinners and really cool social events. And so yeah, just trying to create in a very real way, a safe special different place that people can just come and be themselves and set their day down or set something that they're going through down or have a safe space or really fun space to maybe talk to somebody else about it or feel like they can kind of open up. And the bunker, what I've seen over the past 14 months is really this secret sauce magic of when people enter the space and it is about the people. There's a flow there that people can just feel like, and Doree, thank you for nodding your head. That's what makes me so happy. People can just come and set themselves down and be themselves. And to me, creating spaces for anyone to do that is my complete passion.

Elise Hu (20:31):

So just to be clear, bunker Club is now a physical space, though the community around it or it is going to be in step two or three. So right now you all organize events so that everybody can come together and then do people have to apply for membership? How do you become part of the Bunker Club?

Hilary Lassoff (20:52):

Yeah, and I like to think of it too, when someone in the club offered this up the other day, shout out Denise Jones. She's a legend. It's almost kind of like this traveling, traveling golf club. So we pop up at all of our favorite places all around the city and congregate there, and we kind of overtake that space. But yes, very excited to hopefully build a physical space. We're starting a satellite membership as well, so people not in LA who want to partake and want to come to the golf retreats that we plan and want to come to different things and want to do more kind of digital stuff. They get to be a part of it too and feel connected. But yeah, right now you just go on our website and you fill an application to sign up for the club, not in a gatekeeping way. We like to talk and kind of energy check and vibe, check any person that's coming into the space and in the club. So yeah, it's just you go onto the site, submit an application, we hop on a call, we hang out, we talk to any future member, and then from there they sign up and then they're in the club.

Elise Hu (21:56):

That's

Doree Shafrir (21:56):

Awesome. That's awesome. Can you talk about some of the events and clinics and retreats that you do?

Hilary Lassoff (22:05):

Yeah, those get me so excited because we're constantly in a think tank on what this programming and what this curriculum is. And sometimes I'm thinking I want to do, I want drones to deliver cocktails to people when they walk up to, these are the things that I have to sit down sometimes and take a breath. But we do a lot of dinners. We typically do in the club a monthly member dinner where every single month you get to come to a dinner, hang out with a group of people. We have been doing a fun poker night, typically once a month we've been trying to do, we host really fun, amazing golf clinics. So anyone that any level is welcome. So even if you've never played golf before in your life, if you're listening to this podcast or if you are on Instagram or you hear about this from a friend and you're like, this sounds really fun, but I don't even know what golf is, you can still come and we teach you, I wouldn't even say teach you golf, but teach you it's okay to just show up to try something new.

(23:15)
So we facilitate that in clinics on Saturdays biweekly, anytime anyone's a super beginner. We, Callaway is one of our partners. They've given us a ton of clubs, so we have all the equipment that anybody needs to ever come and do that. And then we also do really big retreats, bimonthly. We're actually planning one in Cabo right now. We're hoping to do a Japan trip in 2026. So Elise, let's get you going. Doree, this is the trip for you. But yeah, we really try to plan really fun different experiences where we're kind of like the golf VIP concierge for you every step of the way. So if you want to get better, if you want golf lessons, if you just want to come to the retreat and hang out and play some golf if you're a competitive golfer, and that's really important to you. And that's kind of part of the application interview process.

(24:05)
And we're seeing that a lot more is like, we want to know about you. We want to service you as a member in that reciprocity. If you're a person that's coming to the club because you're super competitive, we're going to make sure that we put you in the competitive groups of golf so you're having good time and you're enjoying it, and you get to have that competitive spirit, whereas somebody that kind of just wants to come and kick it and can I say get high or whatever, can I say that on the podcast? Just kind of come and hang out and take mushrooms and look at nature, but be with people. They get to participate in that as well. And because we know all the people right now, we have just over a hundred women in the club. I hope that no matter how big and how this business kind of flourishes and all the people that we reach, to me, the business is never going to outweigh the human connection, the human touch of the people in the community.

Elise Hu (24:53):

I know this is going to come as a big shocking breaking news alert to you as a golfer, but there was plenty of just getting stoned on the golf team in high school.

Hilary Lassoff (25:04):

Elise, big surprise. Elise, tell me more. Did you play better or worse is my question?

Elise Hu (25:11):

Well, it made the guys way better. I could never partake because I get dry mouth and my eyes get all red and they look like roadmaps and then I can't focus. But the dudes, for whatever reason, it made them much better at golf.

Hilary Lassoff (25:28):

Why did you stop golfing? Can I ask you, I don't want to interrupt your flow, but Sure. Why did you stop

Elise Hu (25:32):

Golfing? I really only joined or only started playing golf because it was the easiest sport to get a varsity letter in and practical. There were so few women golfers, I never scored like under a hundred, right? But for whatever reason, you could get recruited for colleges even just by being a woman golfer,

Hilary Lassoff (25:57):

Just by showing up,

Elise Hu (25:58):

Just by showing up. But really the reason why I needed to do it was because I grew up in Texas where athletics are everything. They valued sports so much that you got sixth and seventh period for your athletic activity. So at Plano senior high school, you would have off-campus lunch and after off-campus lunch, sixth and seventh period were for your sport. And so I had to play a sport so that I could get out of school by noon. And then golf was a great one because all you had to do was go to your country club or your public golf course and go hit a bunch of balls and the coach would just drive around from country club to course to country club to course just to make sure you were there hitting a bucket of balls. And so

Hilary Lassoff (26:47):

The coach would travel to the

Elise Hu (26:48):

Places? Yes, that's right. He would

Doree Shafrir (26:49):

Just drive around. There was no a team practice at a specific golf course.

Elise Hu (26:54):

There was two days of the week, but the other days you just went to your club. So basically you school

Hilary Lassoff (27:00):

The kids that went to their club?

Elise Hu (27:01):

Correct. So basically you were just out of school at noon and I was working a lot. I was doing my JC Penney catalog modeling and Levi's commercials and stuff like that. So I needed to be out of school,

Hilary Lassoff (27:13):

So know that for the podcast.

Elise Hu (27:14):

Yeah, they're hilarious. So I needed to be out of school anyway to go to castings and work. And so golf just worked out in a very practical way. And to this day, I'm still terrible at golf, but my brother is very good. My father is very good. My brother started a golf company. He was doing a tee time booking system for all of the nation of China about 10 years ago. And so he's a big golf guy because the other athletes in my family are so athletic, I could just never compare and I just never really fully tried. Which is a segue to you, Hilary, because you mentioned you played other sports growing up, and I was curious about your other sports and what just being in team sports gave to you, what that meant to you and how you feel like it shaped you.

Hilary Lassoff (28:05):

Yeah. Oh, I love team sports. I played every team sport that you could play. My mom, my mom has two lesbian daughters, so good for her as twins, and she grew up, she led us and put us in every single team sport, but then she also was like obviously have to dip my toe, dip their toe and dance and ballet and tap. And I remember trying to do all that,

Hilary Lassoff (28:32):

But

Hilary Lassoff (28:32):

Even as my mom says today, I wasn't the tap dancing type. I was more of the shoot a hoop and kick a ball and maybe run into someone and get physical. So yeah, I played basketball growing up. I played soccer growing up. I played a bunch of tennis that's more individual, but I played a bunch of tennis. I'm a big pickle baller now. I do love pickleball. But yeah, I played softball growing up really like every lacrosse, any and every sport. And I just love, I mean, it's the interwoven into what we're saying, just being a part of a team, being around other women. I got to, we get to see and learn so much in a lot of those settings around people that we get to show up to a practice every single day or every week and get to see those same people and hang out and build community and build rapport with them. The success I think that a lot of women in sport have after sport

Hilary Lassoff (29:33):

Is

Hilary Lassoff (29:33):

Really special and all of that. So I think being in team sports is everything. Being in a team, in a community in any way we can when we're young and when we're older is just really, really important and now more than ever.

Doree Shafrir (29:48):

So we're just going to take a short break and we will be right back.

Hilary Lassoff (29:59):

How do you like to be coached? That's a really good question. Can I say I don't, no, I'm kidding.

Elise Hu (30:08):

No, I've just been seeing so many different types of coaching now because I have three daughters and two of them are athletes and each year they have different coaches and I'm seeing so many different ways of encouraging the girls to grow. And I'm just curious what you respond to or if there's overarching ideas about coaching that you feel like work or are effective that aren't necessarily specific to people.

Hilary Lassoff (30:36):

I love that's very thought provoking. That's so real because it's such a good question. Honestly, up until very recently I didn't quite understand or I didn't see that the way that, for example, in golf, the way that I was coached in golf my entire life, and again, being in a male dominant sport, take a hyper-focused male sport and insert females trying to learn a lot of the time from a male coach, even today, I was always told, and women are still told, not even just in a coaching mechanism, but in an actual teaching mechanism of a sport, this is how you should do it and this is how the boys do it and this is what the swing is, and you have to use your body to fit into that mold. And I, looking back was doing that so much throughout my entire golf career, and that was obviously all that I knew, but now my girlfriend and partner who we run Bunker Club together and we actually met planning a golf event for Bunker Club over the phone and fell in love and now we're doing this together and she is an incredible golf coach and golf mentor to me.

(31:48)
And it honestly wasn't up until this past year, my coach now and teaches me just mentally and she's so elevated in the way and she always says this, and it's resonating so much in this conversation, it's like it's not about teaching people how to play golf, it's teaching a person. And so there's so many different mechanisms to how to teach that person and every single person is different. So it's not just someone coming. And we try to now to in this hindsight in the way I was coached and never, I used to be told I'm a really handsy golfer and I use my hands a lot. I was always told for men, that's not the type of swing that you should have. You should have a much more linear or straighten it up the line swing. And now when we're kind of coaching together and when she's coaching me, it's like my hands are my best attribute. And leaning into that and having somebody in your life, whether you're a really young girl and your daughter's age or even in our adult life, having someone be able to look at you and see you if you're learning something new or even if you're seasoned then and be like, no, actually there's not one way to do something. And because you're a person that does this or thinks this way or your body is shaped this way or you had an injury and now you can't rotate that much, this is another way to do it.

(33:05)
That's been a huge aha moment to me, and we've been embodying that a lot in the teaching within Bunker and how we're kind of showing up for the people that really do want to learn and understand a new thing. Obviously that's super intimidating as well to show up in something new, so we want to make sure that, yeah, it's not like a one size fits all. So I'm learning through everything that we're doing, which is very cool.

Doree Shafrir (33:31):

Elise, do your sort of

Elise Hu (33:32):

Coaching the person, do your

Doree Shafrir (33:34):

Kids have female coaches or are they all men?

Elise Hu (33:38):

The assistant coach for soccer and the assistant? Yeah, the assistant coaches are women and then the head coaches are men. Though I will say it warmed my heart to hear the head coach of my 13 year old's volleyball team say the other day that he won't let the girls watch game tape because my 8-year-old has to watch game tape for her soccer games to see where they are on the field and see their shape. And I'm like, okay, they're in second and third grade, but that's cool, whatever for volleyball, because they're in seventh grade. The coach specifically said, I won't let any of these girls watch game tape. Don't show game tape to the girls if you can avoid it until they're older because nobody's harder on themselves than a 13-year-old girl. And so he was like, I think they're not going to take the right lesson from watching themselves back going to like Right.

(34:35)
And I really liked that. I thought it was very tender and it kind of saw the girls, and honestly, my older daughter ended up choosing a team this year where she knows no one else, but she really connected with the coach and the assistant coach because she felt sort of seen and they had different cards to play and different ways to coach for the different girls on the team. And so I think that really tracks with what you're saying is that ultimately you want a coach who sees you and is less focused on everybody else or everybody on the team fitting into this specific technical box because golf is very technical, so this is true of volleyball too. And so there are certain mechanics that you have to get right to even get the loft on the ball or get a serve correct. But seeing what motivates the individuals could eventually get them to get the technical parts, I think is what you're saying.

Hilary Lassoff (35:27):

That's so special. I absolutely adore that. That's so special. We talk about that all the time. I've always been showed video in golf video's a really big teaching mechanism lot.

Elise Hu (35:37):

There's so much video now, right?

Hilary Lassoff (35:38):

There's so much video. And then I went to send, I was about to send a video to a lesson that we had and my partner was like, no, they're the type of person that is going to watch this video and critique and that's not the point of what we're doing, and I want to get this person away from that. And I was like, oh my God, you're so right. I would watch this tape over and over and over trying to be perfect. And that's really cool. What's great about golf too, because it's not about being perfect, it's not about hitting a perfect shot, it's about just even from a day to day, it's just about showing up with what you have that day. And obviously golf is so mental and being mental, it's super emotional. If you are in an emotional state that day or something in whatever capacity for me, you're probably going to show up, not that's going to filter in to the golf and into the round. So it's almost too, we talk about being really gentle with yourself and however you're showing up.

Doree Shafrir (36:36):

For someone who has never played golf before who might be listening, what is your kind of elevator pitch for why to take up golf or at least try golf? What is it about golf that is so special?

Hilary Lassoff (36:52):

I would say for all the masochists listening to this episode Forever35, it's a never ending pursuit of no, but to me, golf, this is going to sound really, I'll tee it up this way. Golf to me is very much, it mirrors life, like what we're kind of saying. It's very much a sport that you get to show up in how you want. You get to be an individual contributor to how you learn what you're learning, what you get to practice that day. I think especially learning something even a little bit later in life, it's putting us back in that childlike mentality

(37:30)
That you get to go out and learn something new and be humble. I mean, we have a ton of badass women in the club that are very hyper successful in what they do, and then they're learning how to play golf, and it's so humbling to them. And we get to kind of see that process where they get to really set that down. So I don't want to say golf is therapy, but even if you just want to come and push yourself or test yourself or have some therapy or learn something about yourself, and then how awesome to do it in a community. Full, wonderful, amazing people.

Elise Hu (38:07):

You haven't even mentioned the part about how you're spending hours and hours outside.

Hilary Lassoff (38:12):

The nature is everything. And then you get to go to different golf courses around the country, around your neighborhood, around the world. Playing golf is so fun. You get, and then obviously if you're looking to retire and still be super active at 90 in Palm Springs, you and your partner or your wife or your husband, you guys have something to do for the rest of your life. It's beautiful. Yeah.

Elise Hu (38:35):

If I would've liked golf more, had I been able to drive a cart around, because on the golf team you have to walk, you always walk the nine holes, you always walk the 18. And so it was just a lot of walking around with your bag on your back.

Hilary Lassoff (38:48):

Yeah, more of memories. Good point.

Elise Hu (38:50):

Yeah,

Hilary Lassoff (38:50):

No, yeah. It's more of a leisure, right? What golf, what do you like about golf? To your point? A lot of people want to just go to a beautiful place in nature, drive a golf cart, have a beer, have a glass of wine waiting there in the golfer when you're done hitting the shot, make it your own and you don't have to hit every shot even, or you don't have to get out of the golf cart, or you don't have to schlep a bag for four hours and just feel like you're like every step is your last step and you get to kind of make off your own. And that's the choice. And I think the way that golf is going to, a lot of people are putting their stake in the ground of how to make off more accessible, even from a timing perspective, how to make off to make play more quick.

(39:34)
Even when we do a lot of the team events, it's very much in a scramble where people, no matter what their level is, they don't have to go and be like, every shot is the most important. And they can kind of set that down and be like, my teammate's going to hit the next shot, or This is for fun prizes or kind of how to just make this fun and it doesn't feel like it's this big heavyweight, at least great, even in the metaphor weight to carry every single time we step up to that shot because it is daunting and golf is so daunting and it is so time consuming. How do we just kind of set a lot of that perception down and make it really fun? And I think that's really cool.

Elise Hu (40:13):

Okay. Quick question before we let you go.

Hilary Lassoff (40:16):

Favorite golf movies? Yeah. Oh my God. I don't want to go. This is so fun. I love you guys. And I didn't even have to talk about skincare because I was telling my girlfriend,

Elise Hu (40:23):

We can chat offline anytime.

Hilary Lassoff (40:26):

Let's start offline. Well, mine was just like a water and a serum, and I was feeling embarrassed by that. Now I embarrassed.

Elise Hu (40:32):

Our interviews do not focus on skincare exclusively at all. I know I'm playing. I know. So yeah. But yes, my question was favorite golf movies? I love golf movies. Favorite golf movies. Yes. What are yours?

Hilary Lassoff (40:46):

Okay, my favorite and Elise story, we're going to watch golf movies together, so we're going to be able to talk about this as well. Hear Gil favorite more.

Elise Hu (40:55):

That's

Hilary Lassoff (40:55):

One of them. That's one of them, not the second one. And I don't want to hate on that one, but that was kind of wild. That was a while. That seemed like a money

Elise Hu (41:01):

Grab, right?

Hilary Lassoff (41:03):

ITT Money. Gra. Thank you. Tin Cup. Hands down

Elise Hu (41:07):

Of I was about to say that. Renee Russo. Kevin Kosner. Excellent. Chemistry G. Kevin

Hilary Lassoff (41:12):

Cos yes. I mean, just Next Level. The Greatest Game ever played. Have you seen that? It's a Disney movie. I haven't seen one of the best. And then my third, I'll wrap in three. We love in threes is the Legend of Bagger Vans with Will Smith and Matt Damon.

Elise Hu (41:28):

Yeah, that one's good. The only thing I would change is I would also add Caddy Shack.

Hilary Lassoff (41:36):

Oh, I mean, I actually played on that golf course in college and it was so, so fun. The entire pro shop was loudmouth and the whole thing. It was just cool to kind of be there and be like, oh, that was like, yeah, I, that's a great movie. I love that they

Elise Hu (41:51):

Wrote, I still like, oh, I have that going for me, which is nice. Yes.

Hilary Lassoff (41:56):

No, actually, actually this was so fun, you guys. I love you so much and I would love to get Elise you playing golf again if you would like. And Doree, I

Elise Hu (42:04):

Still have

Hilary Lassoff (42:05):

My golf

Elise Hu (42:06):

Clubs out there. They're vintage now. Let's go. But Callaway, so that lines up with your sponsor, which is fantastic.

Hilary Lassoff (42:16):

Yep. Fantastic.

Elise Hu (42:18):

How can folks find you, Hilary?

Hilary Lassoff (42:20):

You can go to the Instagram Bunker Club LA on Instagram. We post a ton there. Information's on there. And then on the website, if anybody wants to submit an application for membership, it's bunker club la.com.

Doree Shafrir (42:32):

Also, I just want to mention that Bunker Club has the best merch. Everything is so cool. Thank you. Ill just leave it at that.

Hilary Lassoff (42:40):

We love merch. Thanks. Do we love merch. We love merch. We love good apparel.

Doree Shafrir (42:45):

Yeah, everything looks so good. So even if you're not a member, you can still buy some merch. Just going to say that.

Elise Hu (42:52):

Fantastic. You can patronize the club. You can support the club. Ready to send you guys

Hilary Lassoff (42:55):

Some merch. Love you both. Love you too.

Doree Shafrir (42:58):

Thanks Hilary. Thank you so much. Yeah, yeah. And see you guys soon. All right. Well, I'm glad we got to talk to Hilary.

Elise Hu (43:10):

Yes, yes. I do want to meet her in person. It does seem like we would have a good time hanging out or just riding around. I don't really want to golf, as you know, but I will ride around on a golf cart or have somebody drive me around on a golf cart. That would be fun. Yeah,

Doree Shafrir (43:24):

She's a good hang. So recommend now intentions. Last week, my intention was to stretch. I did not do too much stretching, I have to admit. And we had talked on a different episode about how, maybe this was a casual chat, but my tennis coach had told me that I basically told me I should do conditioning strength training. And not that this is breaking news, but it was a good just like, okay, get off your butt and do some strength training, because I had been doing it and I kind of stopped. And so I'm going to try to get back into it. How about you, Elise?

Elise Hu (44:06):

Well, I'm supportive of that. I feel the same way that I need to get back into strength as well. And we just recently had cadence to Booth on too, and I should mention one of our listeners, my friend Pamela said that she listened to the Cadence to Boost episode and was very inspired. And so she went to Target, bought a kettlebell, is now doing Cadence's kettlebell program. No way. And she was like, all you need is one kettlebell. She's like, it's not bad, you should try it. So maybe as you get back into strength, there's a wreck for you. That's awesome. Maybe do Cadences program. So anyway, my intention was to sleep more because I had a deficit and I wanted to get to bed an hour earlier each night. And I have failed pretty miserably at that. There's a bunch of factors that have made it an issue, which is first my middle daughter Issa got sick, and then a couple nights later, my middle daughter Luna got sick.

(45:09)
And so when you have kids that are up in the middle of the night because they're sick, it's sure to disrupt your sleep. And then at one point I accidentally locked Abe, my cat in the room. And so then he was scratching at me to wake me up because he wanted out of my bedroom. Oh no, I know he likes to be, he doesn't closed doors. He likes to be able to get in and out. And so I had closed the door on him and he was very unhappy and that disrupted my sleep. So instead of re-upping sleep, because I don't think it's going to happen in this coming week, I'm going to do something very concrete and measurable as my intention, which is daughter Ava with the ankle strength or ankle sprain issues. She has homework now from her PT to strengthen her lower back chain and her ankles. And so she has like five or six exercises that she's supposed to do each day, and I'm going to try and do those with her. I'll just try and follow along to partially encourage her to do it, but also because I could benefit from some of these strengthening exercises. So that will be my intention.

Doree Shafrir (46:12):

Well, there you go. Okay. Well, Forever35 is hosted and produced by me, Doree Shafrir and Elise Hu, and produced and edited by Samee Junio. Sami Reed is our project manager, and our network partner is Acast. Thanks everybody.

Elise Hu (46:27):

Talk to you next time.

Doree Shafrir (46:28):

Bye.

 
Forever 35 Podcast
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