Episode 244: Let's Unpack That with Hitha Palepu
Kate prepares to cruise through the next week and Doree cares for her sick kid. Then, renaissance woman Hitha Palepu joins them on the pod to chat about the life lessons you can learn from romance books, packing to the best of your ability, and what it’s like to be a woman of color in business and entrepreneurship.
Photo Credit: Molly Morris
Mentioned in this Episode
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Transcript
Kate: Hello and welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I am Kate Spencer,
Doree: And I am Doree Shafrir,
Kate: And we are not experts,
Doree: And we're not Kate, but were two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.
Kate: Hey! And if you want, you can visit our website forever35podcast.com for links to everything we mentioned on the show. You can follow us on Nope, on Instagram. You can follow us on Instagram @Forever35podcast, and you can join the Forever35 Facebook group where the password is serums.
Doree: You can shop our favorite products shopmy.us/forever35. You can sign up for the newsletter Forever35podcast.com/newsletter. And you can also call or text us at (781) 591-0390 and you can email us at Forever35podcast@gmail.com
Kate: Wow. Why I just make that weird size? Sorry. I don't know. I'm tired
Doree: Before we started recording, I was lamenting to you how my poor son was up most of the night puking.
Kate: Never fun.
Doree: Never fun. I had just been, I think we dodged the hand foot in mouth and RSV that was rampaging through our preschool class.
Kate: I'm sorry, those poor kids right now.
Doree: Yes. And Henry had both as a baby, and so I was like, well, maybe he still has some immunity. I don't know. Even though I know you can get it more than once. Maybe it was the same strain, who knows? Blah, blah, blah. I was just like, oh, whew. We dodged a bullet, thank God. And then it's like JK
Kate: The universe knows. The universe knows when you think you have not gotten sick, think you've avoided it.
Doree: Yes. The universe was like, you are going to be humbled.
Kate: Yep.
Doree: I, and you know what, universe? I am humbled. I am humbled.
Kate: Yeah, because you have been dealing with barf all night.
Doree: That's right, Kate. I've been dealing with barf.
Kate: Dealing with barf, the Doree Shafrir story of the last 24 hours
Doree: Barf this morning. It turned into diarrhea. I mean, not to be super graphic, but we're all friends here.
Kate: We are. We're close and we don't ever hold back about what goes on with our bodies.
Doree: No.
Kate: It's like, we are the opposite. If you know how people say that kind of weird misogynistic thing of women don't shit, it's like, well, here we do it all.
Doree: I mean, I was talking about my son, but Yes.
Kate: Yes. But I'm just saying in general, we talk about all body functions here.
Doree: Yes. Oh, yes, yes,
Kate: That is, we're not in denial about what our bodies do.
Doree: Very true. Anyway,
Kate: I have been meaning to share a product that I really love and I just keep forgetting. And I didn't put this in our doc, but I
Doree: Just wanted surprise. I know.
Kate: So I have been using this night cream that I really like. Not gonna be for everyone. It's really, it's a thicker cream and you don't need a lot. But I wanna mention it because I'm liking this brand and they are available at Target. And I like the prod, the price point. It's called Bybi, B Y B I. And the product that I wanna especially shout out is their protein Cream Night Nutrition Protein Cream. This is a little, goes a long way Night Cream, and I'm loving it. It's super hydrating. I'm really into it. And then I have also used their oat milk facial cleanser, which is a very, gentle Face cleanser. And that has been really nice. So I had never heard of this brand. I received these products via and maybe not via them, but via another company that sent me some stuff. So again, this was a gift. These were gifted two gifted products, but I've been using them readily and will probably reorder.
Doree: Wow.
Kate: Yeah. I really, especially a night cream after a retinol when your skin is kind of dry, this stuff is just really nice and thick. And again, I will say you do not need a lot. And then this oat milk cleanser is just super, super gentle. It's a really gentle, kind of creamy cleanser, if you will. that's really nice. And the cleanser is $16.99 and the moisturizer, I think it's $24.99. And you can get it at Target or online at Target,
Doree: Kate
Kate: Amongst you can get at other places, but I'm always an accessible brand that everybody can get. I like.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: Bybi. Who knew? Welcome to the podcast, Bybi.
Doree: Never heard of them.
Kate: I never heard of them either. I know. And often there's so many skincare brands. Do we even need to talk about the fact that Brad Pitt is launching a skincare line?
Doree: No, we don't need to talk about it.
Kate: We don't it. We don't need all this celebrity skincare. And I know there's just, there's so much. But I do think occasionally it is nice to find a product that you like. Although now look, I just wanna say I am over now on le domain skincare, and now I am like, should I buy Brad Pitt skincare? This looks fun.
Doree: I'm gonna say no.
Kate: No. All right. No, no. Kate. No, don't do this.
Doree: I'm just gonna say, don't do it. You don't, Kate,
Kate: Dont do it.
Doree: Okay. You don't.
Kate: I will say that packaging is really beautiful though. This is how they get you.
Doree: I mean, look, we always knew that Brad Pitt had a great aesthetic sense. That was always his thing.
Kate: You would always read those articles about how he was like a minimalist. When he was married to Jen,
Doree: He was basically an architect
Kate: And Jen just wanted to have that relaxed, Malibu casual home. And he was always doing this intense architecture classic Brad.
Doree: Anyway, so no, I will not be...
Kate: Okay. I don't need to buy a $320 cream for 1.7 fluid ounces.
Doree: No. Guess what you dont.
Kate: What is the math there? What is that? Like $30 drop. Okay. Anyway, okay. I won't buy it, but I do want you just to look at the jar because the jar is beautiful. I'm just gonna text you the jar.
Doree: Fine.
Kate: If I could just get a jar for free, I would want this jar. Isn't that a pretty jar? The wood
Doree: Brad, please send
Kate: Just an empty jar.
Doree: Kate a jar. She doesn't need the product. She just wants the jar.
Kate: I do need the jar with the wooden cap.
Doree: The wooden cap, ok.
Kate: Do you see that with a little bit of a gold guitar pick on one side?
Doree: I do.
Kate: Everybody, we're gonna post a photo of this beautiful jar and we're all gonna talk about it. The jar might be worth more than the cream inside. Okay. Sorry, I could talk about this all day. I will let it go.
Doree: Oh, Kate, what else is happening with you?
Kate: We had planned a cruise in honor of my father-in-law's 80th birthday, and we were going to go on this cruise in May of 2020. And so we all know how that turned out comically.
Doree: We do know how that turned out.
Kate: Cruise was the worst place to be. It might still be the worst place to be, but I am going to, I'm boosted, I'm gonna mask and I'm gonna hope for the best. But we wanted to do this as a family because it's not something that we've ever been able to do before with Anthony's family. And that is really important to us. So we are going on a cruise, I guess now in honor of my father-in-law's 82nd birthday. And so I've never been on a cruise. And for better or for worse, as someone who hyper fixates, there's a lot to learn about cruising. So I have been
Doree: That's true.
Kate: When I should be doing so many other things, I have been learning all about what you need to bring on a cruise.
Doree: Oh wow. Okay. So let's talk about what are some things that you're bringing on cruise?
Kate: I mean, did you know that the walls of your cruise cabin are metal? So you should bring magnet hooks that go on the wall to hang all your stuff because the cabins are very small. Did you know that,
Doree: Kate? I will tell you, I have been on a cruise.
Kate: You have?
Doree: I have.
Kate: With your parents or as an adult?
Doree: No, as an adult. I went on a cruise with an ex-boyfriend. I mean, at this point, I think it was 20 years ago.
Kate: Sam Or different, not Sam.
Doree: Different ex. Pre-Sam.
Kate: Okay.
Doree: It was a Caribbean cruise and the rooms are indeed very small. This was pre-social media cruising. So there were some websites that told you kind of what to do, but there wasn't Facebook, there wasn't, wasn't really anything else. So we didn't know about magnetic hooks, you know what I mean?
Kate: Oh, you didn't.
Doree: No, I mean, I feel like we did some prep for it and I remember having a really good time. We did a mix of some of the boat excursions and then some play we planned ourselves. And it was fun. It was weird, but it was fun. I've never done it again, but I'm like, glad I did it. You know what I mean? I think now any trip planning has become more intense because there's so much information.
Kate: This is why, and we're not gonna introduce our guest just yet, but we talk about this with our guest today, kind of about packing because I think part of this social media and the consumerist capitalist ties into social media is this idea of we need all new things for every new thing that we do, which doesn't work with most of our budgets, dot, dot, dot. And yet. But I will say I have been obsessively watching the YouTube videos of a gal who goes by the handle LifeWellCruised. And I've learned a lot from her. I've learned a lot. I've even just learned about the boat. I didn't understand, especially if you don't have a cabin with no window and no balcony, it's gonna be pitch black. And they're so tiny that often people travel with battery operated motion, motion light motion sensor lights that they put in the bathroom. Yeah, I mean there's just a whole world of in the know cruise life.
Doree: So what are some things besides the magnetic hooks that you have procured also, do you have an inside cabin or an outside cabin?
Kate: We have an outside cabin. I don't know if our balcony is gonna look over the ocean or the inner part of the boat, but it, we do have access to the outdoors, which as a person who kind of panics and gets claustrophobic, that helps me mentally. There's not a lot of outlets in the room. So there's a very specific has to be cruise approved charger that you should bring for one of your outlets. The magnet, magnet hoods hook situation is a big one. Maximizing space is a really big part of it, especially they're gonna be four of us in this room.
So figuring out, and we are a family, we are not a clean family. When we're in a hotel room, we are like, it's a disaster. So I bought an over the door shoot mesh shoe rack that I'm gonna bring that apparently people recommend. That's smart for organizing. I mean, people love a travel, a hook, travel cosmetic bag. I'm not gonna bring one of those. I don't wanna spend the money. I bought a tiny fan because apparently these cabins get hot and you can't just pop open the window. So I bought a tiny fan, battery operated fan. And then there's also Doree, there's formal dinner nights on a lot of cruise ships.
Doree: Yes, yes. I do recall.
Kate: This is news to me. And again, that's not my vibe. So I also signed back up for Rent the Runway because that way I can have access to more formal outfits that I can then return.
Doree: And who has there been a family point person who's making the dinner reservations and planning the excursions? Or is everyone kind of on their own?
Kate: Nope. There is one member of the family who is doing that labor and that person is my husband.
Doree: Oh,
Kate: That person is my husband. I don't know what we're, I'm just like, yes, sure, I will go there. Sure. You figure it out. And he's coordinated it for everybody because we're going there with three families going basically. So,
Doree: Okay. I love that this is not your job.
Kate: He actually, I will say we, we've had the very good fortune of going on a couple trips this year and he, he likes to plan and figure stuff out. And I just like to be like, okay. And then I like to order the hooks off on the internet. I like to order. Oh and wipes. I'm gonna wipe down this room so hard. You do not. I am getting hospital, hospital grade travel wipe Doree.
Doree: Speaking of puking, you don't wanna get that Cruise ship Neurovirus.
Kate: I don't wanna get cruise ship neurovirus. I'm already trying not to get cruise ship COVID, so I gotta try not to get cruise ship Neurovirus. Yeah, I gotta try not to get it all. Especially I will say reports are coming out that second and third covid infections, it's not good for you to get covid again and again. So early studies, who knows obviously. But as a person who's already had covid, I don't really would like to avoid it. So I don't, I'm excited to go on this cruise. It's a lot going with an extended family too. Cause I like to make sure everybody's having a good time. And there's gonna be kids ranging from age seven plus more seniors. Although
Doree: Are your kids friends with their cousins?
Kate: They have one cousin on that side, and yes, they are friends. And the other day I came in and Lydia and my niece were zooming and packing together, but it was like three weeks. So Lydia had a pile of clothes on her floor. Yeah, it was really cute.
Doree: That's so cute.
Kate: It was really cute. Yeah, it was really <laugh> sweet. So I'm excited that they're gonna get to spend time together and that I get to spend time with my niece. I don't see them that often and my brother and sister-in-law obviously. But just realize the other day I dropped my daughter, my Lydia, my fourth grader off at school and their grade was going on a field trip. And her friend was just like, I am so excited. This is my first field trip. And normally they're very lucky at their school that they, there's always some sort of little activity like field trip every year that they do, even if it's just to the park down the street. But because they haven't really been in school since first grade, these kids have never done that. And even when they were there last year, COVID really prevented it so very, I forget that they have missed a lot of stuff and they are aware of the things that they have missed. And part of that has been spending time with their cousin and being in person with their cousins. So just something I'm thinking about more and more as we kind of drift into this weird space of post covid, even though it's not really post covid, but we're kind of post, we're post early. I don't know. You know what I mean?
Doree: I do. I do.
Kate: So that's just been on my mind a lot lately.
Doree: Okay. Well Kate, I'm excited for you and I do feel like this is the perfect segue into introducing our guest.
Kate: Take it away, Doree.
Doree: Oh thanks. Don't mind if I do. Our guest today is Hitha Palepu and Hitha is a real renaissance woman. I would say
Kate: That's the perfect way to describe her.
Doree: She really is. She's the CEO of a pharmaceutical company.
Kate: Yeah, no big deal.
Doree: And she's also a partner in Adama Ventures, which is focused on investments in women founded in women focused companies. She's written two books. We're Speaking: the Life Lessons of Kamala Harris and How to Pack: Travel Smart for Any Trip. She also has a newsletter called Five Smart Reads. And her Instagram is also just a delight and full of tips and just smart takes on things. And yeah, she's just wonderful. And so we were so excited to get to talk to her. I mean we did talk a lot about packing
Kate: I know. We were like, sorry, we need to corner you and discuss this at length.
Doree: We also talked about entrepreneurship and motherhood and a lot of other things.
Kate: Well, what we talked about, so Hitha and I have been Instagram friends, but never ever talked or met in real life or even online real life. And she is an avid romance reader, but not just any romance. She also reads the Ice Planet Barbarian book series. So we have talked about this over Instagram dm. So I was very excited to find an ally in my alien romance pursuits and she talk about self care.
Doree: Also. She came to romance during the pandemic.
Kate: Yes. Via Jasmine Gillary. Okay.
Doree: Via, Jasmine
Kate: Just let her tell this all to you herself.
Doree: Sorry, we don't need to give you,
Kate: We're giving you Cliff notes. We're so excited.
Doree: I know. Well, it was just such a lovely wide ranging, interesting conversation with
Kate: New skincare prods to recommend, which I have,
Doree: Yes. With skincare pros. Okay, so we're gonna take a short break and then we're gonna come back with Hitha.
Kate: We always get started asking our guests for self care practice. And this can be a loaded question, especially just considering current state of the world. But what is something that you do that you consider self care in your life?
Hitha: This is a very boring answer, but it's a daily practice, which is I don't read a few chapters of a romance novel every single night. I cannot sleep and I cannot read nonfiction at night. I cannot read thrillers at night because I will not have good dreams. I need to read things that are happy, move forward. And I also, because romance novels have a very similar arc, I have to stop reading right before the conflict or get in bed early enough to get through the conflict and get to the happily ever after. So I have good dreams. So that is my daily practice. If I do not read a romance novel before bed, I do not sleep well. So when I'm out and I'm coming home after a dinner, it switches to I'm listening to a romance novel on audio. So I have that practice as a part of my bedtime routine. If I don't have too much time between when I get home and when I need to be lights out in asleep,
Doree: I feel like you're really speaking Kate's language.
Kate: No, I'm beaming. So we have DMed, you and I about Ice Planet Barbarians. Now I have this in our questions to talk to you about, but we're just gonna get right to it. Because I talk about this book series, poor Doree has literally for the last year, I've just been like Blue Aliens fucking, but it's provided me with such comfort. And so I would love to know specifically if there is a book or an author that you have really resonated within this space, especially for folks who are like, because we still hear from folks all the time, or I don't read romance, not for me and maybe blue aliens aren't for everybody, but I do think romance can be,
Hitha: I love those sexy blue aliens so much, they are just bless them. I feel like I split up, barbarians used to be written into comprehensive sex ed curriculum, just not necessarily book one, but the subsequent ones
Kate: Yes, yes. You see the author's growth.
Hitha: Exactly. Because these aliens are almost obsessive about consent and taking care of their partners in such a profound way that I am on one hand of my random obsessions is F1, which I think answers the age old question, why are men? I have these
Kate: Wait, by F1 do you mean Formula One?
Hitha: Yeah, Formula One.
Kate: Something Doree likes.
Hitha: We could get into that too. So on one end I have Drive to Survive explaining conventional and toxic masculinity in a very entertaining format. On the other hand, I have men as they should be, whether they're aliens, humans, half alien, half orks, devils. I mean I thought I had a boundary when it came to kink and Ruby Dixon continues and Katie Roberts continue to just push that envelope. And I am, the limit does not exist.
Kate: Yeah, I mean you bring up such a good point about the kind of consent aspect of these aliens who all they wanna do is perform felatio on their partners in a very loving way. And there is something to be gained from that. I guess my question to you is how do you help people move beyond the stigma of certain genres of reading or of anything? Right. Because I do think a lot of these books, romance in general, but especially as we get into Monster Kink theres a lot of stigma.
Hitha: I love age because the older I get, the less I care about what people think about me and the less I gate keep, but also question myself or shame myself on what brings me joy. And the reason I love romance and I think it is just a brilliant genre, is these are really, it's incredible storytelling and to write a steamy scene with dignity and with grace and in a way that I go, I have tried to write these scenes, I cannot, I turn into an 11 year old boy and I'm like, <laugh> penis mean seriously. It's embarrassing. Which is why reading them, I have such respect for romance authors because they are not only crafting incredible stories and characters and plots and making me feel really happy at the end of the book, but they're also bringing dignity to sex and to intimacy that we don't often see in the shows.
A lot of the shows we watch in the movies we see and in a lot of male authored books. So to me, I think romances the smartest genre because it appeals to our angels and our higher selves. And frankly I love escaping to a world where women, especially women of color, are just loved for their multitudes and not shamed for it and appreciate as their whole selves and that their pleasure is a priority. It's not an afterthought. And that is the world I would like to live in. And until I do, I will just read romance and vote and canvas and do what I can.
Doree: And we're talking to you the day before election day. So it's timely. what was, I always like to ask people what their romance gateway was.
Hitha: Jasmine Gillery The Wedding Date
Kate: And a recent book. So this is in the last, that book came out in what, 2018? I think. So a recent
Hitha: 2018 was my entry into romance. So Net Galley I looked interesting to me when I saw it on Net Galley, I was like never really read romance, but this seems interesting. I was more interested about Alexa being a chief of staff or a mayor. And then I read it and I'm like, I'm so happy, I'm so happy. And I think I reread it right after I had finished it. And that is a mark of a great book when you're like, I did not get enough of these characters. I need to go spend some more time with them. And that honestly just opened the floodgates From there I dug right into Alyssa Cole's Reluctant Royals series, which is so smart and I love so much.
I read The Idea Of You, which isn't technically romance, it has some romantic themes, but honest God I was five months pregnant when I read that and I was like, this book is gonna put me in the labor. I swear to God, And it, that's where it began. And I will say during the pan early months of the Pandemic romance kept me sane after just a day of keeping my kids somewhat safe and healthy, trying to get my work done, trying to keep everyone alive and live to live another day, two chapters of a book which just calm me down and bring me such joy and just make me feel like, okay, I have taken care of myself today. I have escaped this hell hole that we live in right now and I can make it through another day.
Doree: We just spoke to Kennedy Ryan on the pod and we were having a conversation that it's interesting to now have this conversation from the reader perspective because she was talking about it from the writer perspective and especially how the pandemic affected romance. Romance as a genre. Just people like you finding so much solace in it. So it's just interesting to hear the other side of that coin. I guess
Hitha: I am very grateful for Kennedy Ryan because I read Queen Move in May of 2020 and that's what I realized I could be in perimenopause
Kate: Oh wow. You learn things from romance too. You
Hitha: You do. And literally got an Everlywell, women's hormonal screen panel sent it in. It said I was borderline, but then my mom is like, oh yeah, I went through menopause. I was finished with menopause by the time I'm 42, you're probably in it. Oh my gosh. And I was like, so one, thank you, Kennedy. Because one, that book is just truly excellent and I loved that whole series. But then two, you really do learn a lot from romance.
Doree: Yeah, yeah. I, I also am not a huge romance reader, but I have dabbled in romance, especially historical romance and yeah, I mean a lot of them are very well researched and you do learn a lot. Switching gears a bit, you wrote a book about packing
Kate: Oh boy. We need to talk about this in great detail.
Doree: And I would say Kate and I have both talked about the anxiety that we have leading up to travel and how that often manifests in buying stuff that we "need" for our trips. So that's one thing that pinged for me. And then the other thing is just the anxiety of packing, feeling. I always feel like I either over pack or under pack. There's never the perfect amount of packing. I don't know, I'm rambling, but I guess I'm just saying, I'm asking, could you give our listeners of a pricey of your book and what are the top three techniques that you think people are not doing right now when it comes to packing that you think everyone should be doing?
Hitha: Okay, well I got you. This book will change your life.
Doree: Thank you.
Hitha: How to Pack, I mean, this started from me being a poor packer. I only learned how to be a good packer after being a poor packer. So I want to just say where you are is very normal and we've all been there. So give yourself some grace because, it is going to be okay. Okay. How you packed in the past does not have to be how you pack in the future. And it's about progress, not perfection. So the first thing I always recommend is writing a list a week before your trip to help take out some of that anxiety. It is one very small micro action you can take to just get yourself organized. And it is, you don't even have to finish the list right away in a single sitting. You can just get it started. And even if it's just listing out activities you're gonna be doing, listing out how many days checking the weather, but also making some accommodations. It could rain. Maybe I'll take a travel size umbrella. It could be really sunny. Do I have sunscreen? Do I need to go grab some? And that also keeps you organized in the what do I need to buy category. Cause if sometimes you genuinely need to buy things before a trip, especially if you're going on a beach vacation or a ski trip or a city weekend with some girlfriends and you're like, what do I wear out these days? What?
Doree: Okay, wait, could I interrupt you for one second? Yes. Because you just said something that really blew my mind, which is, well first of all, making your list a week ahead of time. Okay. Wow.
Kate: I know not the night before or the morning of?
Doree: And two, listing out the activities that you are going to do. Okay. All right. Sorry. Please proceed. I just needed to note my
Kate: You're mental noting. I'm going on cruise in two weeks so I am tuned in. Okay. Sorry.
Hitha: I got you. And by the way, if we can FaceTime, I will walk you through everything. I've done this before. I'm here to help. The second is when you're picking your outfits, after you've listed out your activities, think about what you would wear if you were at home for that activity. What makes you feel like a million bucks on a day to day basis? What has that little bit of stretch that if you're bloated or post flight bloat is very, very real. And I want everyone to think about that when they are packing because you want the jeans that you can wear, even if it's you're they're a little tight or you're a little bloated and they're still comfortable, pick the tops that make you feel great, not the ones where you're sort of fussing. Which is also why I really recommend making 80% of the items you pack from your power pieces. Those go-to items that you rely on a daily basis. And 20% can be your fun fantasy pieces that is like, I want to be this person when I am on this trip. There is room for both, but the 80/20 rule is how I deploy it in terms of packing. 80% should be power pieces, 20% should be fun pieces.
Kate: Is there ever a world in which we're allowed to bring more than three pairs of shoes? I read that you recommend three pairs of shoes and I'm like a six pair of shoe person. How do I change.
Hitha: Start smaller. How about start with five if you know who you are here, here's my thing, again, it's progress. Winnowing it down to five pairs from your normal six pairs is progress. And I'd be very proud of you if you run it down to five, are you? And if you're wearing all those shoes and that is your security accessory security blanket piece, then we can make concessions in other areas because your shoes are your statement and that's making you feel really comfortable. So these rules are flexible or are meant to be adapted for you. So I would not stress out about, oh my God, which three pairs of shoes. I just find it helpful to provide a guideline and then let you take what works for you and adjust accordingly.
Kate: I love that. I think that's so the, especially planning a week out is so smart and for any moment in life honestly. But it just kind of helps you get a handle on the situation because I do feel like so much of packing or preparing for a trip, there's this kind of unhinged energy involved, at least for me, this kind of last minute scramble that feels so terrible, it doesn't feel good. I never feel joyful packing for anything I feel.
Doree: And especially with kids then, oh you get it. That's this whole other layer of madness. Especially with small children. I mean, oh my god, do you have a suitcase of choice? Also, are you a checker or a carryon?
Hitha: I mean with kids. With kids, you're gonna check in a bag. Yeah. So relax, you're gonna check in a suitcase when you're traveling with young children. And that is okay when it's just me. I could do 10 days in a carryon, but again, I've been doing this for a while and by the end my suitcase looks like a disaster too. So please, it's not like the beautifully photographed suitcase at the beginning of a trip. It is a dumpster fire. So I actually think if checking gives you sense of security, check your bag. If carry on gives you a sense of security, carry it on. It's your choice.
Doree: So we're just gonna take a short break and we will be right back. Okay, we're back.
Kate: Can I ask you about your experience with menopause? Because we sure, we get a lot of questions about perimenopause and menopause and it's moving forward on talking it about it more on the podcast, but we haven't really gotten there yet and I don't think I'm quite at menopause. So I would love to know about your experience and any kind of advice or thoughts you have for people who may be feeling like their body is entering into that next phase of life.
Hitha: Yes,
Kate: I know loaded,
Hitha: Literally go read Queen Move for many reasons, but especially those symptoms, I mean it was like weight gain around the abdomen. I'm like, I have that, but isn't that just all the wine I've been drinking during the pandemic? It was a lot in those early months. It was the irritability, it was the aggressive hot flashes and we were living with my parents at that time. So I was like, I just thought it's cuz my mom is slow to put the air conditioning on. I was making excuses. But then when I said, okay, let's try this, let's try that, and the symptoms were abating, I was like, okay, so this could be a thing. And it really was those textbook symptoms of night sweats, hot flashes, dryness of my skin inside and out and terrible mood swings, which I think all of us felt in those early months.
I certainly do still, but I would've really just shrugged this off as, oh this is just a stressor in the pandemic. This is the stress of just being a mom and someone who works in the pandemic. This is nothing. But those symptoms made me actually take it seriously and I EverlyWell being able to offer tests like that and have it shipped to your home made my life so simple. No affiliation, just a fan of people having data and being able to use that data to their advantage. And then I talked about it with my OB once I got back to the city. And I'm lucky to have an incredible OBGYN who really takes the time to listen, does not dismiss your symptoms, but does not talk at you. She really cares about having a real conversation with you. And she said, look, your blood work is borderline, but if you have that family history, you're probably in it now.
If your symptoms feel like they're ever gonna get to a point that you can't manage them with lifestyle changes, let's talk about hormone replacement and whatnot. There are options here, but I'd also like you to take this as an opportunity because you also have anxiety and depression to maybe establish some better lifestyle changes as much as you possibly can to help. So I have to be really regimented about how I start my day, how I end my day, what I put on my plate in a day and learning to say no because it will trigger a lot of different symptoms both in the mental health side of things and my perimenopausal symptoms. The second is I met this incredible woman named Yasmin who created a company called Beeya Wellness. And these are seeds that are naturally help meant to help you into two phases of your cycle. And she said people hadn't said they've noticed a reduction with their perimenopause symptoms when they take these seeds, it's a natural food.
Kate: We're talking a seed, A seed from a plant, we're talking like
Hitha: Seed blends. So they're these basically it looks like a seed blend. But I started taking them and they really did help manage my symptoms. So now I am that person who has to pack her Beeya packs every time she travels because I'm like, I'm not letting these go. I need these. So that has been a more supplement food based tool that has helped me manage my symptoms. And then the third is just talking about it. I just wish that half of this population would stop shaming us for just having uteruses and being women and having things be pander to us. Whereas the things they do and appreciate and enjoy are respected. And I'm really done with that narrative and I'm writing a new one. So that means I talk about perimenopause, I talk about mental health, I talk about alien kink, romance novels, I talk about it all because I'm really done having it be this be defined as somehow shameful or a girl thing. This affects over half the population, so no, we need to talk about it.
Kate: I think the way I always kind of viewed menopause through a younger person's lens was like, Ugh, here my mom goes again talking about the hot flashes, not truly understanding the impact that it can have on your physical and mental health and so much about our bodies is treated that way and not taken seriously. And I think you make a really good point about us not discussing the impact or the impact not being validated in the cultural narrative of via la patriarchy,
Hitha: Something I'm, I think I'm a mediocre mother at best most days, but one thing I'm very proud of as a mom is I had this Rachel Antonoff sweatshirt that is the women's reproductive system. And at a very young age when Ro was three and now I'm teaching Rocky, he knew this is a uterus, these are the ovaries, this is the fallopian tube, cervix. And so now when I have my period Ro is like, mommy, is your uterus shedding again? And I'm like, yes baby. And then he knows where my candy stash is and he goes and brings me m&ms and he's like, here you go, you just rest. And I am like, listen, most days I feel like a terrible mother, but this is one day where I go again, we get to raise the next generation of men. Will they continue to uphold that conventional masculinity patriarchal narrative or are they gonna embrace an and write a new one? I would like them to write a new one.
Kate: Well it's like the video. There's a video going around that I'm sure is on TikTok, but I'm on a TikTok break. So I saw it on Instagram of a woman who's interviewing men on the street New York asking if women can pee with tampons in. And most of these men maybe all are like, no, I think they know that it's two different holes.
Hitha: There was one guy who was asked to list what parts of the women's reproductive system and I was like, my seven year old would school you in this test. Yeah, I was like, one, I am a good mother. And two, all of those men are voting, all of those men are voting.
Kate: Yes, all of them. And I don't know if they're progressive or conservative or what, but none of them knew across the board. And that is alarming. It's the same way that you ask many cis men how many tampons women use through a menstrual cycle and the answers are from one to 100, like a varied amount. And I appreciate the openness because the only way it's gonna get through is by talking about it with those folks. But I think you're right with the younger ones that hopefully really gonna make a difference.
Doree: I mean this is something that I think about all the time as a mom of a boy identified child. Yeah, it's a big responsibility. But I think we're up for it and it does give me hope when I see friends of mine who are also moms of boys raising them to be just more enlightened. So
Hitha: Amen to that, I wanna raise, there's a glorious Steinem quote that I think a lot about, which is "we've been so focused on raising our daughters like our sons that we've forgotten to raise our sons like our daughters." And I think about that constantly. If I have a parenting mantra, it's that.
Kate: Wow, that's a good one. I've never heard that quote.
Doree: That's a good one.
Kate: Can you talk to us a little bit about your experience with entrepreneurship? I know it's my understanding as an observer is that there's a lot of societal barriers that have been put in place for women, especially women of color. I would love to know what advice you have for other entrepreneurs. What are the ups and downs? What are the red flags?
Hitha: I mean I have to preface this with, I have a very privileged and nepotism entree into entrepreneurship. I work with my father and that is how I got my job certainly. And a lot of people in my position will say, my father or my mother would be the first to fire me if I wasn't performing. I could say that all day. Whether people believe me or not is up to them, but it's the truth. And with that comes I think some degree of security because if you're walking in with the gray hair that you share a last name with and you share a very similar look to, people are at least going to not dismiss you. And I don't haven't had to deal with as many of the macroaggressions that a lot of female founders, especially women of color founders face when they're pitching, when they're going out there to raise capital or make deals.
So I gotta preface it with that. I will also say it hasn't been easy, but I think being a mother and being a Philadelphia sports fan from childhood has prepared me for entrepreneurship because I'm very used to rejection and I'm very used to heartbreak. I'm like at this point I have a very thick skin, nothing. I don't take nos personally anymore. And that's a very easy thing for me to say at the stage we're at now where we've successfully raised capital, we have a licensing deal that's funding the rest of the company in development through launch. And I'm in a very privileged position and I'm kind of at the part of the story where things are, I mean hopefully we have no more ups and downs and no more conflict in this story, but things is doing okay in the thick of it. Yeah, it sucked.
You think you have that diligence done and this fund is gonna give you a term sheet and they turn around and they say, well actually we wanna see this, this. And you're like, okay, back to the trying board. When you don't pay yourself for years because you need to take care of your team, that's never easy as well. And again, that's a very privileged thing to be able to do. I'm honored that I'm able to be able to do it. But it's also not easy when you're spending 14 hours at your desk to get no after, no after, no. Or people ghosting you or getting feedback. Well what if this person was ceo? Like why are you the ceo? And I'm like,
Kate: Ooh, you're missing the whole point.
Hitha: I'm like, did I just said? So to be clear, you like the product. Oh my god, you like our team. These terms are favorable to you. But because I am me and I am the CEO of the company that's stopping you from moving forward and when this is what my tips for those situations is, repeat what they say back to them very slowly with a low register, very calmly to kind of get it out is like, do you hear what you're saying? And if they say, yep, that's correct. And then be like, you know what? I appre thank you for your time, good data. It's clear that this is not going to be a fit and I wish you won't and get off and scratch that person off your list. Put a bunch of red flags on that tracking spreadsheet you have and talk about it with your other founder friends.
Because if that person gave you that feedback, you don't want something to happen to a friend if they do take that capital. The thing with entrepreneurship with early stage companies, especially in the life sciences sector, is you raise a lot of money to often fail. And those failures, if you've raised a lot of money and you've given up a lot of equity in your company, you will be removed by your investors like that and they have no problem about it. So your baby, what you have spent years and your own capital and your own sweat and effort to build can be taken away from you immediately. So I also hate that we glorify how much people raise or how much something goes public for or valuations because these are arbitrary numbers. I wish we celebrated profitable businesses, businesses with a healthy growth number, businesses that are hiring disproportionately, people who are being shut out of the workforce because traditional capitalistic rules and those don't get the same press and attention that they deserve. So I'm really here to help as my investor side of my journey has kind of come to an end and that's cool. But I'm here to help businesses and founders think about getting capital building businesses a little differently so they don't need to raise a ton of money and we start celebrating them the way they deserve to be celebrated.
Doree: I mean, yes. And also I just wanted to just say thank you for being up front about your privilege because I feel like a lot of times it gives people the wrong idea about what is possible and the help that people have had. And not to say it's not realistic for anyone to do what you did without family help. But it's important I think for people to know that you had that help. So I really appreciate that. So thank you for saying that. Okay, so we usually like to wrap things up <laugh> by asking about our guest skin care routine. So Hitha let us in on your deepest, darkest skincare secrets
Hitha: Just like romance novels, F1, Taco Bell. This is one of my favorite things to talk about. So mornings I don't cleanse, it's just cold water on my face to both wake myself up but to just quickly rehydrate my skin. Then it's the Indie Lee CoQ10 toner, a few spritzes of that, then right now, because it's a weird climate, but when it's traditionally fall, not 70 degrees in November in New York I'll do a serum. So in lighter in warmer weather months, it's the Wander Beauties, Sight-C, their vitamin C serum, in the colder months, it's the Ranavat Brightening Saffron Serum. It smells like dessert when you put it on your face. It's so good. I just bought another bottle cuz I'm running out and thank God it's the last day of the Sephora sale. So I got 15% off.
Kate: Ooh, hold on. Googling
Love Ranavat. It's an incredible, it's a beautiful skincare line that blends iveta with the best of modern science and I love that it's a both and not either or in that skincare kind world. I follow that up with Alchimie-Forever Gel Eye Cream. Oh my god, this is a espresso shot for your eyes. I have been loyal to this eye cream for five or six years now. So highly, highly recommend. And then I end with either, depends on what kind of sunscreen I'm feeling that day. If I'm doing a mineral I'll put on a moisturizer. So I love shop State Ofs. moisturizer in the blue jar. It's very hydrating but it doesn't like clog your pores. State Of is designed for women in perimenopause and menopause. So big fan of also their whipped body butter. It is like the yummiest lotion in the world. So hugging Stacy London who I love, these are amazing products. And then I'll do the Live Tinted or Wander Beauty mineral sunscreen if I'm doing mineral. If I'm not doing mineral, I love Saie Beautys. Not the tinted but the regular sunvisor, which is also a great moisturizer for me. On warmer months, that's all I need. In colder months I'll maybe still do that moisturizer from State Of in the mornings. Evenings is a whole thing. If I'm wearing makeup or whatnot, it's a double cleanse. So I will start with the Tatcha cleansing oil, which is perfection.
So Good. Yes, so good.
Hitha: And then I got this new cleanser that I am obsessed with. It is from a company called Motif. The Abundance Cleanser is their only product right now, but it is magic. It is both deeply cleansing but still hydrating and it's got just a tiny bit of a scrub in it. So it feels like you get a nice gentle exfoliation. The beautiful thing is in the evenings what I'll do is I will leave it on for a minute and brush my teeth while I let it sit on as a little bit of a mask and then rinse it off and you are glowing. Glowing. It's like the one new thing in my skincare routine and people have been, your skin looks great and I'm like, it must be this cleanser. Cause that's the only thing I That's new. Okay, next step is CoQ10, Indie Lee Toner and then a good skin care junkie. I have my Alpha, my acid night, my chemical exfoliation night, my retinoid night and then my break nights. So
Kate: Are you a skin cycler? Is that what I'm hearing you skin cycle.
Hitha: It has a name. I've been doing it for years.
Kate: I know, right? That's fair.
Hitha: Now it has a name. So I love that. Alpha-H Liquid Gold Concentrate for my chemical exfoliation. I've been using that for a couple years now. It's great. They also have a peel, so sometimes if my skin just needs a little bit more of a turnover, I've had a pimple recently and I wanna help turn over that a little faster. I use that. My retinoid is Wander Beauties, Do Not Disturb Retinoid Concentrate. It is feels gentle but extremely effective. Big, big, big fan of this. And then on break Nights, Alchimie-Forever has a pigment evening serum that is beautiful and very gentle so that feels nice on break nights. Or I'll do the Ranavant serum again. Same eye cream cuz it's just the best. And then night moisturizer in the winter I do the Ranavant Bakuchie Cream, which literally smells like Indian, like another Indian dessert Kala. And it's just feels like you're putting dessert all over your face and it's just absolutely amazing. And then I end with an oil. I'm not really precious about oils. I literally like the Equilibria CBD face oil. It's really great. And I like to do a little Gua Sha if I have time at night to just sort of give myself a little extra love.
Kate: This has been such a delight to get to talk to you. I'm so glad we get to chat IRL after chatting over DM for so long, this is such a treat for our listeners who wanna follow along with you and all your work. And also we should mention you do a really wonderful kind of weekly story roundup that I find very useful with links. Where can we find all of that?
Hitha: My home on the internet is really Instagram, so you can follow me at @HithaPalepu, H I T H A P A L E P U. And from there you can go over to my sub stock, which is called Five Smart Reads. And there's a daily and weekly newsletter to send you the five stories that I think are important or my incredible team of contributors finds important to teach you about a perspective from a perspective you may not otherwise have learned from. And the weekly newsletter is the behemoth roundup of my random musings, whatever romance novels I'm reading at the time and questions from the internet that people ask me.
Kate: Thank you again.
Doree: Thank you again.
Hitha: Thank you.
Kate: Well listen, I am so glad we finally had Hitha on the pod. I feel like she's just kind of been this dream guest in the back of my brain for so long and a dream person to get to know. And so I'm just totally thrilled that we
Doree: I'm like, do we get to be friends now?
Kate: I kinda assume that anyone who comes on the podcast has kind of shifted into this new territory of pod friend, like a prend. I'm gonna call them friend, A friend, where even if they're like, who are you again? I'm gonna be, remember that time I spoke to you for 30 to 45 minutes about self care. Were friends.
Doree: Oh my gosh. It's so true. Well, Kate, how did drinking more tea go for you?
Kate: Okay, I know that's kind of a silly intention, but I will say it's actually been amazing. It's cold, it's done this, what happens in Los Angeles every fall is that it's like a hundred degrees, a hundred degrees and then one day it's 60 degrees. And so even though it's not cold by degree measurement, your body, the shock of a 30 degree temperature drop is really unsettling. So we are going through that right now and I have been pounding tea, especially rooibos, which I love rooibos. I had the extreme privilege of studying abroad in South Africa in 1999, which is where I first started drinking rooibos tea with my host mom. Cause I did a family home stay. And I have such fond memories every time I drink rooibos, it just brings me back to my lovely host mother and hanging out with her in the afternoon after my classes. But also, I love rooibos tea is to me just the most soothing, delicious, comforting herbal tea. And oftentimes my kids and I do bedtime tea and books and we'll drink tea and do books. So we've just been chugging tea lately. Yeah, it's great. It's been great. And I find it soothing. I love being warm. So there's a real kind of nurturing self care aspect that comes from a caffeine free tea for me.
Doree: Oh, I love that.
Kate: Well, Doree this week, it's a vague intention, but I just wanna, my intention's just cruising. I just kind of wanna like, oh, here's the crazy, here's the coolest thing about this cruise. I'm not gonna have internet access, so I am going to be doing a bit of a digital detox. I mean you could get wireless, but it's like $80 a day per person or something
Doree: yea, isnt it notoriously expensive.
Kate: So expensive. And so I just was kind of like, oh boy, I'm, I'm just gonna go for it. I was like, how am I gonna play Wordle every night? And I guess the answer is you're not. And I'm just gonna have to be okay with that.
Doree: Are you bringing books? What are you bringing?
Kate: I will bring books. Yeah. I use a Kindle to read and I will bring my Kindle with books on it. Or I'll bring, I have so many paper books, but I'm trying to pack light, so I'll probably kindle.
Doree: Okay, that sounds great. Yeah. Well, last week I was going to really think about my carbon footprint and my husband's car is still in the shop.
Kate: And you've, you've still been fine with one car?
Doree: I've really been thinking about it. Yeah. I mean there have been a couple of pain points here and there but we've mostly been fine.
Kate: That's amazing Doree.
Doree: Yeah, it's been good. And then this week, it's the last week before Thanksgiving, which is wild. And I have a weirdly busy week. I'm going to a couple of concerts and I dunno just, it ended up being one of those weeks and I'm like, oh, how did that happen? So I'm trying to not freak out about that and just have fun and get through it.
Kate: Doree, I love it. I have gratitude for you.
Doree: Thank you. I do. And likewise me for you
Kate: And us for you person listening.
Doree: Yes. And just a reminder that Forever35 is hosted and produced by me, Doree Shafrir and Kate Spencer, and produced and edited by Sam Junio. Sami Reed is our project manager and our network partners is Acast. And we'll talk to you all again soon.
Kate: Bye
Doree: Bye.