Mini-Ep 389: Seltz-Care
Kate trademarks the next self-care term and Doree wonders what it takes to make a better hat. Then, listeners bring up questions about setting boundaries with friends, play make-up for young children, and testing out exercise routines.
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Transcript
Kate: Hey, hey, hey. Welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Kate Spencer.
Doree: And I'm Doree Shafrir.
Kate: And we're not experts.
Doree: We're not. We're two friends who like to talk a lot about serums,
Kate: And this is a mini episode where we hear from you, we share your comments and your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability.
Doree: But please do remember, we are podcast hosts. We're not experts. Please seek support from a medical and or mental health professional if your question is beyond the scope of our non expertise.
Kate: If you want to know what brand and flavor of bubbly water to get, I can help you In that case, I don't think you need to seek support elsewhere. I feel like I have that covered. The answer is polar seltzer.
Doree: Okay. Okay. So you are a bubbly water expert.
Kate: I feel very strongly that Polar Seltzer is the premier top seltzer brand, and that frankly nothing compares.
Doree: Yeah, it's very good. I agree with that.
Kate: I know you are an ally in this area. I just feel like the spin Drifty people come in really hot. Oh, and spin drift tastes to me like a bad burp.
Doree: Wow. Those are fighting words.
Kate: They are. And you know what? I wasn't prepared to even talk about this topic that is clearly very close to my heart, but I am drinking a raspberry pink lemonade polar seltzer right now. And as I was explaining to my father-in-law, and I went grocery shopping the other night and I was like, listen, buckle up. I'm about to buy an obscene amount of very specific seltzer, and here is why, and it's because this is what? This is polar seltzers from Worcester, Massachusetts, and it was readily available all through my childhood, and then I moved to the West Coast and was no more, but now it's now here. Now it's in Ralph's and
Doree: Wow.
Kate: So I buy 12 boxes every time I pass Polar seltzer, I buy
Doree: Wow.
Kate: An absurd amount of, yeah, it's the best seltzer. And yes, I will go to the bat on this for this fight.
Doree: Okay. Everyone hear that?
Kate: I might be a people pleaser and many other aspects of my life, but not here. Not at the Seltzer,
Doree: not when it comes to seltzer. You heard it here first. Everybody.
Kate: You heard it here first. This is the kind of hot take you tuned in for.
Doree: It's so true.
Kate: Well, sometimes people reach out to us and they're like, we just want to listen to you for light listening. You're our comfort listen. And to them, I say, let's talk about seltzer.
Doree: Okay. Okay. Are you here to talk about seltzer? Let us know.
Kate: Listen, instead of self-care, it's Seltz Care.
Doree: Oh, you know what? I don't hate that.
Kate: Okay. You know what? Thank you. That makes me feel so proud. Thank you very much. Seltz Care.
Doree: Seltz Care.
Kate: I've, I've copyrighted that, so don't try to steal it. Seltz Care.
Doree: Okay. I won't steal it.
Kate: That was more like a warning to the LaCroix
Doree: Im going to runoff and trademark it.
Kate: Oh, why did Kate and Doree's Friendship End? Oh, Doree stole the term Seltz care after Kate made it up in a rambling speech about seltzer water. Well, that makes sense.
Doree: It's just that's how things end. It's just things end.
Kate: Every great friendship ends with a trademark fight. Ugh. Doree. Hi.
Doree: Hello. Hi.
Kate: I Climbed on a can, a soap can today. Do you have anything you want to share before we hear for from some listeners?
Doree: Do I have any soap cans I'd like to share?
Kate: Yeah. Do you have any soap cans you want to climb on?
Doree: Well, I was telling you before we started recording that I am currently enjoying a Hydro flask full of pina colada flavored liquid IV water.
Kate: Okay. Such a good flavor.
Doree: And you had really been pumping this one up and
Kate: I had gone through like, yeah, go on.
Doree: I got to admit, I was skeptical.
Kate: Oh, seriously?
Doree: I was, but I can admit when I'm wrong.
Kate: You can
Doree: And I was wrong.
Kate: Wow.
Doree: I was wrong. Pina Colada. Liquid IV is delicious.
Kate: So Liquid IV is currently a sponsor on this podcast, but there been times sponsor, they, t
Doree: hey're noting this specific episode segment.
Kate: No, no, they're not sponsoring this. But there have been times when they have not been a sponsor and you and I talk often of our love for Liquid IV and drink it.
Doree: We do.
Kate: Whether or not they are professionally affiliated with us.
Doree: And when they stop sponsoring us. We get indignant,
Kate: We get upset, we get, I have go to Costco and I buy my bags of Liquid iv. And you know what, you're reminding me, I have a friend who just got covid and I dropped off some masks and some other stuff at their house, and I meant to include Liquid iv, but I forgot. So I'm going to bring them some Liquid iv. It's the perfect thing to drink when you I drink it all the time, as does Doree. Clearly is evidence, but
Doree: The linchpin of any Covid Care package
Kate: is a liquid IV on top.
Doree: It's true. It's so true. So I just wanted to share that with everyone. The other thing that I just want to share, and by the time this airs, this will already be a week out of date, but there was an article today in the New York Times about sun protection.
Kate: Oh my God. I almost sent it to you. And then I said to myself, she's already read this.
Doree: Several people have sent it to me.
Kate: I knew it. Okay. The woke up, I saw it and I immediately was like, I've got to get this to Doree.
Doree: And the article itself was very funny. You have to read the whole thing, but they give increasingly ridiculous recommendations for sun protection, including this absolutely massive straw hat. But I am just going to put this out there that I have yet to find a great hat for playing tennis in.
Kate: Wow. I thought you had found one because you showed up once to play pickleball with me and you had a cool looking hat on that had a little neck cover and everything.
Doree: So that is a Cooley bar hat. It doesn't cover enough of my face. I think I need something with a wider brim. And I've looked around and there's not a ton. I just ordered a couple more that I will keep everyone posted on. It's just that, I don't know, for a while I was wearing one from Sunday afternoons that I thought, oh, this is the one. And then it just didn't keep its shape. I didn't love it. So I think in conclusion, I am quitting this podcast to start a hat company.
Kate: You know what? If that is how this ended, I would also would be okay with it.
Doree: Not with a trademark fight, but with a hat company.
Kate: You honestly should design a hat. I don't know how hard that is, but I would support you in this.
Doree: I don't even know where to begin. And all I'm thinking about is the hat. Do you remember when we did the product recall on Scrunchies?
Kate: I do.
Doree: And the person who invented Scrunchies had another invention. Yes. But what was it that went nowhere?
Kate: Yes,
Doree: it was a hat. It was a hat with a zipper pocket to keep things in.
Kate: Oh, like your keys in it
Doree: isn't, well, that's not a crazy idea. Can today in 2023 purchase a hat that has a little zipper pocket in it. But I don't know. Hers was weird looking. All of this to say is, I am just trying to be self-aware about acknowledging what I do not know. And I do not know how to design a hat. I would not even know where to begin. If you are listening and you are a miler, please reach out to me. We need to talk.
Kate: Look, I would love for you to have a career as a hat maker or a milli. I guess I could, I can offer, do you go to school for hat making? I guess that's fashion design, right? You could,
Doree: yeah. Yeah.
Kate: It's a real trade.
Doree: I could offer suggestions, but I would not know the first thing about constructing a hat. But I really need someone to come up with a better hat for me.
Kate: I'm here. I'm here for this. So I support your quest for extreme sun protection while also playing a physical sport.
Doree: I only other real option right now is to get a full face mask situation. And I just don't think that's going to be comfortable to play tennis in. I get so hot.
Kate: I Don't. Is it also possible for you just to play tennis and get a little bit of sun exposure or is that not like, are you really trying to avoid it.
Doree: I mean, that's what happened this morning. I would like to get as little as possible on my face.
Kate: Well, listen, Doree, we should probably take a break and come back and hear from some folks because we've got
Doree: Let's do that.
Kate: We've got topics. We've got a wide variety. Wide variety.
Doree: Okay. We'll be right back. We are back and we were so caught up in our hat discussion that we forgot to remind people that they can call and text us with their hat suggestions at (781) 591-0390 and email us at Forever35podcast@gmail.com. Visit our website Forever35podcast.com. We have links to everything we mentioned on the show. I think people are having trouble finding the links because I've had a few people messaging me lately asking for links that are on the website. You have to click on episodes. Listen, I agree. Our links could be easier to find. What we should done when we first thought about this three years ago or longer five years ago was have just a database of links. We failed to do that. And now five years in and there, do you are so many links,
Kate: do people want just a database of links?
Doree: I think some people would want a database of links.
Kate: I don't even know how we would make that, but if someone has thoughts, you can always give us feedback on databases.
Doree: Yeah. We are on Instagram at Forever35 podcast and sign up for our newsletter at Forever35podcast.com/newsletter. And you can also shop our favorite products at shopmy.us/Forever35. There's a shelf now for Doree's Hotel Suite, nighttime prods, as well as Doree's birthday celebration, long haul prods, as well as listener, five minute makeup routines. And there are some hot new shelves.
Kate: There are some sexy new shelves. And some people have written to us with their long haul products, meaning you're in it for the long haul or you've been using it for the long haul. So if you have one, a prod you want to share, want to share?
Doree: We did a really fun segment with Norm McInerney on our live show. Yeah, sorry if you missed it about long haul prods.
Kate: I mean, my number one long haul prod is probably Vaseline. If I had to really pick one, really, really pick the old standby Doree. Here is an email we received. Okay, here's my problem. Since having a kid who is now four, I find being around a certain friend, incredibly draining. I feel terrible because this friend is great. She's just also a lot, I'm an introvert, so just being around my kid drains me and I try to make my time away from her as energy giving as possible. This friend who I've known for decades, leaves me feeling more drained. It's really hard to make time to see her because I'm leaving my kid and then coming home always feeling worse. Again, this friend isn't necessarily doing anything wrong, but she does require a lot of validation and emotional energy for me, which I was very willing to give before my toddler started emotionally torturing me. L o l. Every time she texts to hang out, my first thought is ug. But I don't want to end this relationship because hopefully in a few years I'll have the emotional bandwidth. She just doesn't seem to pick up on my needs and saying, I can't meet you for drinks. To hear you talk about your life for 90 minutes while I validate you would be cruel. Am I an asshole? What do I do? I don't think you're an asshole here.
Doree: No, I don't either.
Kate: It doesn't sound like you're being an asshole. It sounds like you're really kind of trying to figure out how to make space for this friend in your life when right now you don't quite have the emotional bandwidth to deal with them. And I, I've read through this email many times and I've tried to think about what my approach would be, and I wonder, is it possible for you to really set the boundaries of how you hang out?
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: I'm, Doree responses with two little moans.
Doree: I'm thinking about this too because I'm wondering would it be possible for your friend to come to you? Like it said, it's really hard to make time to see her because I'm leaving my kid and then coming home always feeling worse. Could your friend just, could they come over? Although than that also, that makes it hard for them to leave.
Kate: So I was going to say, and then you're at home with your kid who's already drained you. For me, I have to really get out of my space sometimes.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: I almost wonder if there are, maybe drinks is not the, I don't know. I don't know what the answer is this. This one has really kind of stumped me, I have to say because
Doree: Well, okay, here, here's just one thing that I will say.
Kate: Okay, I'm listening.
Doree: There is a line in here that is pinging for me a little bit, which is she just doesn't seem to pick up on my needs and nowhere in here do I hear that you have ever said anything to the front to your friend about what your needs are.
Kate: Right. Has this been communicated?
Doree: Yeah, and I think sometimes o of course, in an ideal world, it would be great if everyone could just pick up on our needs, especially when they seem really fucking obvious. But sometimes they're not and people are wrapped up in their own drama, so she might have no clue. And I think before you do anything, I think it's, especially since it's someone that you've known for decades, I think it's worth having a real heart to heart with her about this. And look, she might get defensive, she might storm out, but I think you owe it to yourself and to the friendship and to her, quite honestly, to make your needs clear.
Kate: Great advice.
Doree: I thank you.
Kate: I think what Doree said is spot on because this person may also receive you kindly.
Doree: Yeah,
Kate: Good advice, Doree. I think that's the way to go.
Doree: Thank you. Thank you so much. Alright, we have another email. Hi Kat and Dor. My three-year-old has recently been obsessed with pretending to put on makeup. I wear very little, so I'm not even sure where she learned about it. Probably at school the other day we were in a toy store and she wanted to get a set of fake makeup. I redirected and bought her something else, but she keeps talking about it. Am I sending her a bad message about women and beauty to get this for her at a young age? Or is pretend makeup okay, would love your thoughts?
Kate: Well, one thing I've learned as a parent is that there is truly no way to, whether or not you present something to them as they are attend school and hang out with other kids and meet other people. They are exposed to stuff, whether or not you want them to be or not. And so figuring out, I think, how, what your approach is in your own family unit. And also I think being open to the fact that as a human we can change our mind or our F we may make mistakes or we might, I don't know, our opinions might change. All these things I think are just important things to keep in mind as people, whether or not we're parents. I want to say, I don't know if you can ever shield your child from beauty culture, whether or not you let your kid get play makeup. They are going to be exposed to all the ugly systemic things in our society. So it's how you process it with them that I think is important. That being said, I think makeup can be a really lovely form of self-expression and experimentation, especially if you just let them roll with it. So to me it's really about how you approach it and that is what's fallen, how it's kind of fallen in my house, but the way I do it might not be right for the way you do it with your kids. Everybody's different. And this to me seems like a call that you get to make on your own. Not that I don't want to sound not supportive, but everybody's going to have a different take here because yes, beauty culture is toxic, but I also think makeup can be great.
Doree: I have a couple of thoughts actually. I think I have three thoughts. My first thought is, and I see this all the time in parenting groups, is parents and Kate, you kind of alluded to this parenting. I don't know where they picked this up. I don't know where they got this from. And I'm here to tell you it does not matter.
Kate: Good point.
Doree: It doesn't matter.
Kate: Good point.
Doree: It doesn't matter where they got it. It doesn't matter. They exist in the world and it whether they got it from school or whether they got it from their friend who's a bad influence. I feel like I see that a lot too. And it's like you just can't control everything that your child is going to consume or think or care about. So you got to let that go. My first thought, my second thought is there is no better way for your child to become obsessed with something than for you to forbid them to do it.
Kate: Amen. Doree,
Doree: I am learning this firsthand.
Kate: Oh boy. And that's a life lesson for all of us, isn't it?
Doree: This is a life lesson and the converse is also true. So the more you want them to do something, the less they will want to do it. As soon as they pick up on the fact that you are really invested in something, they're like, no thanks. So what I would suggest to you, and this is also advice I'm giving myself, is to sort of take the temperature down a little bit and don't imbue everything with so much meaning and importance. It's a fine line, right? Because the choices that we make and the things we tell our kids, these are really important things, but not everything. It's like I think we were talking about this on excellent adventure once, and I was just not every single thing has to be a lesson. And I think that that applies here. Your child is three, they just want to put paint on their face essentially.
Kate: Yes. I mean, this is something that I've had to reflect on as a parent is like, oh my God, my kid want, wants makeup is this bad? And it's like I'm come, I'm looking at it through the lens of a 44 year old person who's lived in this world. When you're right, the kids are coming to it as kids, but it's hard to remember that and not project all your lived experience
Doree: of course
Kate: onto that, onto them. But you're so right. Totally right.
Doree: So that's just the other thing I would say. And I think, I thought I had three things to say, but maybe I only had two.
Kate: Well, if you think of your third, I mean,
Doree: I guess like T L D R. I think pretend makeup is okay.
Kate: Same.
Doree: It's been interesting. I will say as the mother of a male identified child, it has been interesting navigating it from that perspective because, oh, you want to paint your nails great. Let's do it. You want to, you know what I mean? Because it's sort of challenge in a way. It's challenging gender norms. And I've had to be like, if Henry were a girl, would I be so quick to say, sure, go right ahead. You know what I mean?
Kate: Yeah.
Doree: It's like this weird reverse thing. I don't know. Anyway, Henry wears nail polish and loves painting his nails. And it's just, I think he likes seeing the colors on his nails, and that's all there is to it. We're not having big conversations about beauty culture and the patriarchy because he's four and I'm trying to model for him now. I'm not trying to lecture him right now. I don't know. No one knows anything. We're all just trying figure shit out's
Kate: Well, thats what I mean by You're going to change your mind and do something and then wish you did something. It's just, yeah, there's like no right or wrong in this situation. I think in other situations, obviously. Yes.
Doree: Right. It's like there's no right or wrong until there is
Kate: until, oh, let me caveat. Okay, Doree, we got to take another break and we'll come back and hear from some more people. All righty. So let's wrap up with a couple of voicemails from some folks at home.
Voicemail: Hi, Kate Doree. Okay. I have not called you guys since my ducks disappeared, but when I heard you talking about caboodle, I had to call immediately because I just saw a caboodle again for the first time in probably 30 years. And it was because our little sister graduated from college and my sibling got her what they called a disco box, which is apparently just a term that they made up, but it's basically a caboodle into which they stuff like a bunch of cute things, including some, I think it was all from Target, some cute pajamas, some skincare, and I guess ingredients to make more dip. Said, this is your disco box. And then they gave the caboodle to our little sister for her college graduation. And I just thought, what a perfect use for a caboodle. And I'm hoping that maybe we can popularize the term disco box with a Forever35 readership. And I guess what I want to know is what would everybody put in their ideal disco box that's a caboodle filled with small treaty things designed to create a celebration? Ok, hope y'all have a good day. Love you. Bye.
Doree: Did she say I haven't called in since I lost my ducks?
Kate: I believe this listener had some missing ducks.
Doree: Like quack, quack ducks.
Kate: What other kind of ducks?
Doree: Well, I dunno. I was like, what? I don't recall this at all. Do you recall missing a missing duck caper about missing ducks? Cause I don't
Kate: Vaguely.
Doree: Okay. All right.
Kate: Which I was, when I first heard this, I was like, there are cer and I, I don't want this listener to think that I don't remember them, but there's some things that stand out in my brain. There's a woman who walked into a tree and heard and got a big cut on her head. I remember that listener in Boston.
Doree: Oh, I remember that listener too.
Kate: I remember the listener who puts serums on her butt. Let's see. Okay, here we go. Yes. Oh, wait, no, no, this is not, I'm trying to see. Yeah, I, I'm even searching about her ducks. I'm looking in the voicemail. I need a refresher on your ducks.
Doree: I do too. I do too.
Kate: Maybe Sammy, one of our Sam's or Sam's or Sammy's might remember ducks because oftentimes if we don't remember something they do
Doree: Or a listener might remember ducks.
Kate: I'm just entering ducks into our website to see if something comes up here. Just entering ducks into the search bar. Wait a second. Mini episode.
Doree: Anything? Anything?
Kate: Well, in the transcript, it looks like something has come up on mini episode 325.
Doree: All right, well we will report back.
Kate: Okay. Tell us more about how those ducks are doing too, Listener.
Doree: Yeah, please, please do.
Kate: Okay. But wait, sorry. Back to the caboodle.
Doree: Yes, back to the caboodle.
Kate: I love this idea,
Doree: The disco box,
Kate: So cute, I love it.
Doree: Yeah, very cute.
Kate: Now, I would say in mine would be the peanut butter m&ms.
Doree: Oh, okay.
Kate: I love those. I look. I also like the caramel m and ms. I would love just kind of a bunch of different m&m varieties. Regular m and ms. Okay.
Doree: How about peanut?
Kate: I like a peanut m&m, but I really love the peanut butter.
Doree: Do they still make the almond m&ms? Do you remember those?
Kate: Not to my knowledge.
Doree: Those were so good.
Kate: I don't know if I've ever had one. I bet if you went to the m&m store you could get some.
Doree: Oh, totally.
Kate: What else would I want in mind? Probably some pimple patches, some Vaseline.
Doree: Oh, okay.
Kate: I'm trying to think of fun, tiny things that could go in there.
Doree: I'm like looking around my desk.
Kate: I know. Aren't you trying to really think about what go in your disco box?
Doree: Yes, I am.
Kate: But I also, is it kind of like an emergency kit or is it like a fun emergency kit?
Doree: Yeah. I also have this question.
Kate: I'm going to need more information from the,
Doree: We need some clarification.
Kate: You need to check in, check back in about the ducks and the disco box.
Doree: Alright, Kate, let's hear one last voicemail.
Voicemail: Hi Kat and Dor, I was just listening to episode 265 and you both, along with your guest whose name I cannot remember at this very moment. We're talking a lot about exercise routine, well not routines, but finding exercise that feels good to you and is something you look forward to and is sustainable. And I am 23 and I feel like I am stuck in the try something, get obsessed with it. Maybe for the wrong reasons. I trained for half marathon. I did orange theory for a while, but I'm having a hard time finding something I don't want to say that will stick because I think exercise should probably be changing and evolving with me, but I'm having a really hard time finding something that I look forward to and feels joyful for me. And I'm 23. I'm early in my career. I don't have a lot of extra money to spend trying all the different classes or things. But I was just wondering if either of you have any insight on what helped you find your pickleball, your tennis, your ways of joyfully moving that you both have been talking about a lot on the pod lately. I just got to target. I'm going to go try to find some product for this new wavy hair routine that I'm trying to implement, because I have been influenced by TikTok. So this is a real forever35 moment. Love you ladies. Appreciate any thoughts you have. Thanks.
Doree: Did this listener say they were in New York?
Kate: I don't know, but that's where I imagine them.
Doree: I dunno why
Kate: I don't either.
Doree: That's where I imagine them.
Kate: Okay. I just, okay, you go first.
Doree: Well, I just have a suggestion because I was thinking about not just tennis, but how I found Broadway dance class. And I initially found Broadway dance class through ClassPass, which I think is actually a great way to try out a bunch of things like the way you were talking. Now, I have not done ClassPass since before the pandemic. I do not.
Kate: Does it still exist?
Doree: It does still exist. I think it got bought, but I would do that and see if anything resonates with you. The other thing that I would say is a lot of these places like dance studios, Pilates studios have a first class is free or week trial for $20 or whatever. And you could try stuff out that way too. You don't have to commit to a monthly plan. The other thing I would say, sorry, I was just thinking of a lot of things. New York as well as Los Angeles, as well as many other large cities, has a parks and rec department where you can take very cheap, sometimes free classes and the facilities, it's not going to be an Equinox gym, but you'll be able to test stuff out. I mean, I play tennis on LA Parks and rec courts like cost $8 to rent a court. It's not that expensive to do that.
Kate: You can also join local sports leagues through a Los Angeles parks.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: Which is how I started playing basketball was in an LA Parks and Rec league. I did just also want to say this listener, it's okay to not to stop doing things. I don't think everything has to be a lifelong hobby or lifelong sport or whatever. That's just not for me anyway. I don't think that's always, that's how I am. So it's okay. It doesn't mean you gave up or whatnot. Anyway, I agree with what Doree said. Check out your local parks and rec check out meetup. There are so many in terms of playing pickleball, I just wanted to learn it and so I asked a friend, I asked kind of around and someone had heard of somebody who taught it and I put a group together to take lessons. But it's more just trying stuff and even though I'm riddled with social anxiety and anxiety about being bad and all those things, just still doing it Anyway, it's how I started playing basketball for the first time at 34, which was so much fun. But then just I got scared of breaking my bones, so I've stopped. I just also wanted to add like horseback riding is a hobby, a physical hobby that I do that's a movement-based thing and that's just something I've loved since I was a kid and wanting to get back to it. So I think sometimes tapping into something you either always wanted to learn, look, you might recall I took tap dancing that didn't go well and I stopped. Didn't like it, but I'd always wanted to try it
Doree: There you go.
Kate: And also I did that through Parks and Rec. I did that through Parks and Rec.
Doree: Look at that.
Kate: There we go.
Doree: Parks and Rec. Okay.
Kate: All right. Well, we've gone on for too long.
Doree: All right, everybody. Talk to you soon. Bye.
Kate: Bye.