Mini-Ep 382: Cheap, Fast, Or Good
Kate surprises Doree with a sunscreen she’s loving and Doree uncovers a Big Gmail conspiracy while clearing out her inbox. Plus, listeners ask for pointers on selling your clothes fast, request advice for how to deal with a narcissistic mother-in-law, and send their reactions to recent Product Recall episodes.
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Transcript
Kate: Hello Friends, and welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I am Kate Spencer,
Doree: And I am Doree Shafrir.
Kate: And we are not experts.
Doree: We're not. We're two friends who like to talk a lot about serums,
Kate: And this is a mini episode where we hear from you, we share your comments and your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability.
Doree: Please remember, we are podcast hosts. We're not experts, and we always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Kate: If you want to reach us, our voicemail and text message number is (781) 591-0390. You can also email us at Forever35podcast@gmail.com,
Doree: And you can visit our website Forever35podcast.com. For links to everything we mentioned on the show, follow us on Instagram @Forever35podcast. We do have a Forever35 Facebook group at facebook.com/groups/Forever35podcast. The password is serums. You can sign up for our newsletter at Forever35podcast.com/newsletter and shop our favorite products shopmy.us/forever35.
Kate: Okay, and just a few little bits of business. Number one, we have a giving circle. We are raising money to help the Virginia State Senate and their House of delegates. Please donate whatever you can to our giving circle. We also are doing a live show in celebration of my co-host Doree Shafrir's birthday party that's on May 17th, 5:30 Pacific. You can find all information at the link in the show notes. Please join Us.
Doree: It's moment.co/Forever35.
Kate: There you have it. You can also find us in Los Angeles playing in the i'd hit that deep dive bitches. Mother's Day weekend, pickleball tournament on May 13th. If you want to come cheer us on. You can get tickets at the link using the code Kate/Doree for 15% off.
Doree: Oh yeah, baby.
Kate: And now I want to talk about sunscreen.
Doree: Okay, let's talk about it because I'm curious which, okay, which one you're going to talk about
Kate: Really.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: Okay. I, we've received, or at least either we've received or I have heard that Trader Joe's daily facial sunscreen, broad spectrum. S P F is an actual dup for super goops unseen sunscreen.
Doree: Wait, Kate, I'm having major deja vu because I talked about this.
Kate: No, you didn't.
Doree: Yes, I did. Yes I did.
Kate: Do you own the Trader Joe's sunscreen?
Doree: I Did, but I gave it away because I don't like it. And I have discussed this on this very podcast.
Kate: Well, look, you know that the way my brain works, I don't retain any information and we also do three episodes of this podcast a week for the last 5 years.
Doree: It's true. It's true. I'm not like mad. I'm just, just laughing because
Kate: Wait a second, but I like it.
Doree: No, I know. Take us apart. And this is what I'm saying, this is the beauty of the world.
Kate: It's the beauty of beauty, the beauty industry.
Doree: Two people can have very different opinions about something and it's okay.
Kate: Two people can be in love as friends, but hate a sunscreen.
Doree: But yeah, in fact, I gave this away because I did not like it.
Kate: Do you like Super goops unseen sunscreen.
Doree: I've used it. I don't love it. It's not my sunscreen of choice. I personally don't like the texture. I don't like how it feels on my skin. It's got a Vaseline vibe, which is maybe what you like about it.
Kate: Probably why I love it. Yeah, because when you and I were together recently in the sunshine, I asked to borrow some sunscreen or just to use your sunscreen and you busted out the supergoop play foaming sunscreen, which I like.
Doree: Yes, the play. Play sunscreen.
Kate: Yeah. Okay. Well, I have to say I freaking love this Trader Joe's sunscreen. I
Doree: That is wonderful.
Kate: There. I'm proud of my, yes, I'm proud that we can be two different people, but I picked it up. I was buying snacks because we had a couple people over to swim and I saw it and I was like, I've heard so much about how this is a dup for that unseen sunscreen. Now I will say this, the price difference between the two is so massive.
Doree: Oh, massive. Absolutely massive.
Kate: If you are a supergoop unseen sunscreen user, I would get your butt to a trader joes and get the biggest cart you could find and load it up because it is literally the same.
Doree: Yeah, I think it's, I think it's pretty much the same.
Kate: And it's $9 at trader Joes.
Doree: Yeah. Yeah.
Kate: Well, I'm glad we solved this.
Doree: Listen,
Kate: I thought I was coming in hot with brand new info. I thought your mind was going to be blown
Doree: I Mean. I'm sorry that I couldn't offer that to you today.
Kate: No, it's my own problem.
Doree: Oh, I had an interesting morning, Kate.
Kate: I want to hear about it. We haven't really caught up yet today, so
Doree: We have not, we usually keep each other apprised of pretty much every minute of every day. So it's weird that you don't actually know this yet.
Kate: Oh my God. I realize how hilarious that sounds. But if you aren't privy to, I realize that everybody's on our personal text messages, but we really do talk all day long.
Doree: It's true. We do.
Kate: God.
Doree: So it unexpectedly rained overnight here in Los Angeles.
Kate: So wild. I know.
Doree: And this morning I got an email saying that my tennis was canceled because the court was wet. So I was like, okay, you know what? I'm not going to go to the gym. I'm not, I'm just going to go home and kind of like, I'm kind of in a nesting mode. I was talking about the other day, I reorganized my son's playroom and I just was just going to go home. And then I was like, what I really want to do is deal with my fucking inbox. I was getting those annoying messages from Google that was like, you're almost at the end of your storage. And I think I already pay for extra storage and Google. And I was just like, I don't want to give you any more money Google, just because I'm lazy about deleting emails
Kate: Just because you get all your shopping emails sent to that promotion inbox.
Doree: Right! No, I'm sorry. I'm not going to pay for that, exactly. So I did, I pretty much deleted every unread email that was more than a year old.
Kate: Wow.
Doree: I just mass deleted.
Kate: Oh my gosh. That is the mass delete in the Gmail inbox is one of the best feelings in the world because you're living on the edge.
Doree: Oh, totally.
Kate: Because they don't come
Doree: Back. No, they don't come back. But I was also, if it's more than a year old and I haven't read it yet.
Kate: Yeah, you're not going to
Doree: It's out of my life. There's, there's no reason to keep it around. Now, Gmail did have a little trouble with my requests. They did not like that. I was trying to mass delete thousands of emails. It got very angry with me. I was getting Error messages.
Kate: Wow.
Doree: Things weren't deleting. I to finally figured out that I could, it was easier to select all conversations that match your search on my desktop. But then when I went to actually delete them forever from my trash, my desktop was like, absolutely not. But I could do it on my phone. So I was able to kind of do it in batches and I went from, so I still have a ways to go, but I went from almost 40,000 unread emails to a little under 11,000.
Kate: Okay. So now here we are. You have 11,000 emails in your inbox.
Doree: Inbox, yeah. Oh, and I totally cleared out my promotions and my social tabs, whether or not things were red or unread. It just Goodbye.
Kate: Just delete. Just delete. Just cut the cord.
Doree: Just cut the cord. So now my promotions tab is empty. My social tab is empty. I mean,
Kate: So now,
Doree: Yes. Oh, sorry. No, go ahead.
Kate: So now you are, you're sitting here, you've got, you've still a good chunk of emails in your inbox.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: Are you just going to leave and leave that there and then just kind of move forward? Do you have more clearing out that you want to do?
Doree: Well, what I'm doing now a little bit of is if I see a, usually a promotional email come in or some email that I'm like, oh, I never open these emails. I will either search for that sender and delete all of their emails or unsubscribe from that email because it's like, if I never read the emails from whatever, then why am I subscribed? So it's kind of a combination, but that is
Kate: That is the best feeling in the world.
Doree: I deleted so many emails that I'm not even getting the percentage. Gmail's not even telling me the percentage that I'm using anymore. I went from 13 and using 13 and a half gigs to under 10. So that's a lot of deleted stuff.
Kate: Yeah, that's a ton. It's just like that feeling when you clean out a closet, you don't even look at what's in it. You just take it all and put in a trash bag.
Doree: Yeah, I was putting all these emails in the metaphorical trash bag.
Kate: Good for you.
Doree: So, that felt good. I mean, I think the next step is deleting emails that I have read,
But that is trickier is trickier because there is stuff there that I don't want to delete, but there's probably also a lot that I could delete. So I think that's, that's phase two. But I'm feeling pretty good about phase one. It was very satisfying. And I was also getting so annoyed that Gmail didn't want to mass delete 5,000 emails at a time.
Kate: It's like, what's wrong with you?
Doree: Yeah, I was al. Cause I was also like, okay, you're telling me I don't have enough storage, which fine, but now you're making it hard for me to delete these emails. Is this a conspiracy?
Kate: Oh, probably. It's a big Google. It's
Doree: Really, it's big. It's a big Gmail being like, Uhuh, we're going to make you pay. So oh, that was how I spent a lot of my morning just getting rid of these emails.
Kate: I, I've recently kind of gone in and done something similar with my Gmail. I'm making a concerted effort every week to go through my email and I'm not keeping inbox zero, but I'm keeping it really low and that helps me make sure I don't miss stuff because I really struggle with the missed emails. That is a real issue for me. So that is something I have been doing coming. I don't quite have the system down yet, but I do go through delete stuff and then try to kind of label stuff so I can kind of see what I do need to still address. It's not perfect, but it feels like I'm actually getting somewhere, which with email sometimes it just feels like there's no digging out of that.
Doree: Totally. Well, even I deleted all of my promotional emails and within an hour I had already gotten 20 more.
Kate: Oh My gosh.
Doree: And I was like, get out of here. Deleted them all.
Kate: Do you have a separate I I've tried to do this and failed so many times, but creating a separate email account where you put all, when you sign up for a Nordstrom Rack rewards
Doree: Yes.
Kate: Or whatever you give them that a shopping email address. I've never succeeded at this. So
Doree: Okay, so I used to have a Yahoo email that was just my same email, but at Yahoo, and that was where I put all of my, Sephora all, I signed up for all my lists with that email. And then, I don't know, I stopped checking it. It didn't really work for me. So now it's just all in the same account. Yeah.
Kate: Good work. Doree.
Doree: Thank you Kate. Thank you, Kate. I'm really just
Kate: Good ridence to those emails. Good.
Doree: Really trying to get my life together. All right, Kate, let's take a break and hear from some listeners.
Kate: Okay. Okey dokey.
Doree: Okay. All right, we are back. We have a text. Hi Kat and Dor. Just encountering a financial situation and looking to sell lots of clothes, shoes, and prods for fast cash Dor. Since you're pro at selling clothes, can you give me some pointers? Thanks so much. Okay. The first thing I will say is that it's kind of that thing of what is it? You can't have something be fast, can't, if you're trying to get work done, you can't have it be fast, cheap and good. It can only ever be two out of the three. It can be fast and good, but not cheap. It can be cheap and good, but not fast, et cetera. You get it. So the thing that stuck out to me in this was that you're looking for fast cash. And I think when you are looking for fast cash, you have to lower your expectations of how much you're going to be able to get. If you're like,
Kate: you have given me this advice personally before.
Doree: Yeah. It's like if you are looking to absolutely maximize the amount of money you're going to get for your used stuff, then be prepared for it to take a while because you might need to post it on multiple sites might, it's just a longer process. If you just need the money right now, you're just going to have to deal with the fact that you're probably not going to get as much for your items as you might have anticipated or what you think they are worth, but you'll get the money quicker. So that's just my, that's spiel in general about selling stuff. And also, unless you are selling stuff that is super in demand, you're not going to get, you're probably not going to get even close to what you think you should get for it. Because most clothes, most shoes, even most bags, it's like buying a car. It depreciates the second you drive it off the lot, this stuff depreciates. The second you take it, you take the tags off. Or even when you keep the tags on, even if something is new with tags, it's probably not going to sell for even close to what you bought it for. So I say that just to manage expectations. The fastest cash is to take your stuff to a consignment store in your town that will give you cash immediately. A Buffalo exchange kind of thing, not an actual consignment store where you're waiting for the item to sell to get the money. A place like Buffalo Exchange that will just hand you cash for your clothes and you will walk out the door with some cash. You are not going to get a lot of money from Buffalo Exchange and they're not going to take a lot of your stuff, but they will be the quickest route to getting money in your hand. If you have a little bit more time, you could take stuff to, if it's designer stuff, you can take it to the real real. Now a big caveat with the real real, because I recently took a bunch of stuff to the real realand I had a very mixed experience. They took almost everything, but on the real only bags and some clearance items are not returnable, everything else is returnable. So there's one dress that I sent to them that has been bought and returned, I think now three times.
Kate: So that is frustrating.
Doree: I don't think I will ever, and actually I ended up having, because after 30 days they will send you your stuff back for free if it hasn't sold. And I asked them to send me back my stuff because I was just like, this is ridiculous. I did sell two bags that from on the real, real that I got the money for because they're not returnable. So if you have nice bags, I would say maybe take them to the real Real, they will just deal with selling them and that's easy. You can sell on Poshmark. Poshmark, I find to be, again, hit or miss stuff. It's weird. Some stuff sells immediately. Some stuff just sits for months. It's hard to say exactly what's going to sell quickly. If you have stuff that is a somewhat trendy brand, like a Farm Rio, a doin one of those, I would join one of the buy sell trade groups on Facebook. There's ones for literally every brand and sell your stuff there. And then I think another route you can go is to have a, basically just have a yard sale or have an apartment sale. Those are my, those are my big suggestions.
Kate: Do you have thoughts on Facebook marketplace?
Doree: I don't like Facebook marketplace personally. I think there's too many scammers. That's why I like the Buy sell trade groups because they're usually pretty tightly policed and you can sell stuff using PayPal goods and services and you're somewhat protected. Facebook marketplace just seems like filled with scammers. I would probably not sell something on the open Facebook marketplace personally.
Kate: These are hot tips.
Doree: Those are my strategies. Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to remember what, I feel like you and I have had this conversation, or you were asking me for pricing advice on stuff.
Kate: You were basically, you need to let go of the expectation that you're going to get a lot of money for your things because number one, we have emotional attachments and things, so we're like, this is so nice. Why would no one want the this?
Doree: Totally.
Kate: And the truth is, everybody's looking for a deal because I know how I am when I'm trolling my buy, sell trade groups. I'm here to barter baby. I'm looking for a good deal. So that can be very frustrating though. When you're like, this the is an excellent condition and it should get this amount of money. And it's like, it's probably not, as you said, I think you are equating it to a car is brilliant. I've never thought about it that way.
Doree: The other thing I would say is if you join one of these buy sell trade groups, if you're not a member or just any sort of private selling, buying, buying and selling group on Facebook, don't just post right away. I would just go through posts, take a few days and see what people are pricing things at, see what sells quickly. I know with, I'm in the doin buy, sell, trade and I'm in the farm Rio buy, sell, trade. And with both of these, there seems to be a ton of extra small and small sizes being sold all the time. And if you're selling anything over a medium, it tends to get bought pretty quickly. I don't know, just some little tips.
Kate: Alright.
Doree: Yeah, those are my thoughts. Those are my thoughts. Good luck though. I mean, I think for me personally, it's also a little easier because I can, I have an Instagram account that I sometimes sell stuff on. I can always fall back on that. I'm in some parent groups that sell stuff. So I personally have cultivated many avenues of selling. The average person probably has not, but that doesn't mean you can't.
Kate: Yeah.
Doree: I've just put in the time, I guess is what I'm saying.
Kate: You have really done the work here, but I do think going local is a smart way to go as opposed to trying to do a site, the real reel.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: I've had mixed results on the real reel and with Poshmark, I've sold a bunch of stuff and done pretty well there.
Doree: And there's also always eBay. I feel like people forget about eBay, but eBay still exists and is still a thing and actually takes a lower commission than Poshmark and certainly lower than the real, real. I mean the real, real will just like they take a lot. So those are my thoughts.
Kate: Let's read this question here, Doree.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: Is there a kind way to tell one's that they'd love recognition of their birthday? I've been with my husband for 13 years and she's never recognized my birthday, no call, text or gift. And that the typical thing to do when one has the means financially and mentally as she does, is to purchase one's son a milestone 40th birthday gift, as you can tell, my default is to be passive aggressive and snarky. What can I say to her that's she's a relatively narcissist narcissistic person and I'm sure we'll hold anything we say against us. I've told her I've heard about something before. And to that she only reminded me of the money she lent us years ago at her own desire. Never again will I accept money from her help. I have thoughts.
Doree: I have thoughts too, but I feel like I just rambled for a long time. Why don't you share your thoughts and then I'll share mine.
Kate: My thoughts is just to say back to you listener, how important is it that this person who you have described as a narcissist recognized, why do you need, what is the need here and what is the need? I do want to say, I mean, I don't know, everybody's financial means are different, but I don't think it's typical for people to get a, this is not defending the mother-in-law. The mother-in-law sounds like a real challenge, but I don't think it's typical to get a 40th milestone birthday present. That's not something I'm familiar with in my neck of the woods. So maybe it is somewhere else, but I've never heard of that and I kind of feel like save yourself the hassle of dealing with this person. Don't worry about getting recognition from them on your birthday. you know Why they're not, they sound like they're, that's just not in their ability if she is relatively narcissistic. So why put yourself through the misery of trying to ask for this thing that you want, having it not be well received, having her hold it against you or whatever she's done in the past. I'm not quite sure why this is something you feel like you want to put yourself through. I understand the sorrow that comes from them not recognizing you, but I think it's almost better to work through that than to try to get something from this person that I don't think they can provide you.
Doree: Kate, you pretty much took the words right out of my mouth.
Kate: Did I really?
Doree: Yeah. I mean, I was going to say, I think you got to let this one go for your own mental health.
Kate: Same.
Doree: This person is never going to be the mother-in-law you wanted her to be, and that sucks. And you are more than entitled to grieve that and to be angry about it. But I don't think she's going to change, and I think you need to try to find whatever it was you were seeking from her, from someone else or somewhere else. I'm also curious, how does your partner feel about this? Does he care about his mother doesn't acknowledge his birthday or your birthday? Why has he not said anything to her that's like, why is it on you, I guess is my question to say? I'm just wondering the question. I think ultimately, I think this is something that you just have to make your peace with and I think it's occupying emotional real estate for you that could be better spent elsewhere.
Kate: So well said.
Doree: Thank you, Kate.
Kate: And to note this listener says they'll never accept money from this person again, then why would you? I wouldn't even want to get into the weeds of a milestone birthday gift. I mean, as much as it, that would be nice.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: And it just sounds like ultimately you will be doing you and your partner a favor not to be connected or receiving things from this person in any way.
Doree: Yes. Yes.
Kate: I'm sorry it's so hurtful
Doree: It is really hurtful that
Kate: That's really hurtful and it is a big thing to grieve. I feel you, your pain. So I feel your pain coming through in your message and I'm so sorry, but I do agree. I think save yourself here.
Doree: Yeah. Well, Kate, let's take another break.
Kate: Okeydoke.
Doree: Alright. Okay. We are back and we have a couple of reactions, responses to some recent product recall episodes. So here we go. Here's a voicemail.
Voicemail: Hi Kat and Dor. I'm literally pulled over on the side of a country road because I had to call you and talk about a lot of things. But first of all, loves Baby Soft. Is that why Taylor Swift said she feels like everybody's a sexy baby? Because that line from her song is the only thing I could think of throughout the whole episode, which was otherwise cringe. Of course. But then the other thing is, with all the products you've been doing on product recall, I feel like my mom started buying these for my older sister in the eighties. She's 11 years older than me. I was born in 1991 and she just never found new products to buy for me as a teen and tween, I used sun in well into the 2010s. But also I have a very distinct memory of stealing Love's Baby Soft out of my sister's hot pink and purple caboodle, and I'm sure so many people have caboodle memories as well. Anyway, love you guys. I love Product Recall and hope you have a great day.
Doree: Love that.
Kate: I dont think that's what Taylor Swift is singing about. I think she's, I did a little Googling and you can read some pieces on what she means by Sexy Babies, and I think the most basic interpretation is The Virgin whore
Doree: Hmm.
Kate: Or is that a thing, the virgin whore? That's a thing, right? An archetype if you will.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: Yeah. I think that that is kind maybe what she's talking about, the Madonna whore Complex I think is what it's called. But I would Google it. I mean, I would be very flattered if Taylor Swift was like, when was, I'm not flattered. I would be fascinated if Taylor was thinking about Love's Baby Soft.
Doree: Yeah,
Kate: that'd be amazing.
Doree: That's really funny. All right, Kate, let's hear one last text. I don't usually listen to podcasts when I'm in the car with my kids, because you never know what topics will come up today. I was listening to the scrunchy ep while picking up my daughter and decided to keep listening once she was in the car. If any ep would be G-rated, surely it would be this one. I was so wrong. What can I say? I mean, look, we have to blame late nineties Cosmo for the R-rated of this episode.
Kate: Wasn't our idea to put scrunchies around
Doree: No
Kate: Penises?
Doree: Yeah. I mean,
Kate: We received some emails and messages from people who have also done this, so we'll be sharing those at a later time, and we'll be sure to tell you to
Doree: Can't wait to share these.
Kate: Yeah. But we have to make sure you turn off the podcast.
Doree: Yeah. I guess we could give, if you're listening with kids, you might want to skip this part disclaimer going forward.
Kate: I feel like we'd be giving that all the time though.
Doree: I know it's That's true. You're right. You're right.
Kate: We have an explicit rating on this podcast for a reason, which
Doree: we do. We do.
Kate: There's going to be swear words. There's going to be scrunchies on penises. You know.
Doree: No, it's just the way it goes
Kate: It is what it is.
Doree: It is what it is.
Kate: It comes, with the territory.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: Ugh. Well, Doree, let's end it there on that delightful note and we will talk to you all later.
Doree: All right. Bye everybody.