Mini-Ep 378: Blushes and Crushes
Kate tells Doree about her big cry to Bruce Springsteen. Then, listeners question whether underwear under tights is “normal,” send in their 5-minute makeup routines, and consider a work crush while married.
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Transcript
Kate: Hello and welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I am Kate Spencer,
Doree: And I am Doree Shafrir,
Kate: And we are not experts.
Doree: We're not. We're two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.
Kate: And hello, this is a mini episode where we hear from you, the listeners of this show. We share your comments and your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability.
Doree: Please remember, we are podcast hosts, were not experts, and we always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Kate: We do love to hear from you, and the best way to reach us is by sending us a text message or leaving us a voicemail at (781) 591-0390, or emailing us at Forever35podcast@gmail.com.
Doree: And you can visit our website Forever35podcast.com for links to everything we mentioned on the show. We are on Instagram @Forever35podcast, and we have a Forever35 Facebook group at facebook.com/groups/Forever35podcast. The password is serums. We also have a newsletter at Forever35podcast.com/newsletter, and you can shop our favorite products at shopmy.us/Forever35
Kate: I also do want to mention our giving circle. We are trying to stop the right wing in Virginia from gaining two seats to get the majority. All right. Now,
Doree: Yes, Kate,
Kate: We're recording this a few days in advance here, but last night Wisconsin just shifted their Supreme Court representation and it feels great.
Doree: It really does.
Kate: So if you are motivated to keep that kind of change rolling, drop a dollar or two into our giving circle. Doree and I have donated together to get some funds started. We're going to try to raise as much money as we can, so please link in the show notes to our giving circle.
Doree: Yes, and Kate, we are almost halfway to our goal.
Kate: I just want not feel good in a world of just news that brings you down. We're already at $9,000.
Doree: That's amazing. I know. I'm so excited about this.
Kate: Speaking of being brought down, I had a therapeutic cry. I haven't had a therapeutic cry in possibly years.
Doree: Wow. Okay.
Kate: I don't not, I don't want to pry. Do you remember the last time you had a big hardy cry?
Doree: I honestly don't.
Kate: Yeah. I hadn't had one in a while.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: That wasn't also brought on by a movie. I did have a massive cry watching everything everywhere, all at once. Just sobbing.
Doree: Yeah. Okay.
Kate: On the couch, as my daughters stared at me, I was out of my fucking mind.
Doree: Aw,
Kate: That was a big one for me. Little woman, another big one. This was brought on by music. I dropped my daughter off at school.
Doree: Oh, wow. Okay.
Kate: And I was just bopping on the three minute ride back to my house, and Bruce Springsteen's dancing in the Dark came on the eighties on eight on Sirius XM Radio. And I fucking, I lost it. I lost, I don't,
Doree: wow. Okay.
Kate: It's all connected to my mom because she loved that. Born in the USA album. It came out when I was a kid. I remember I have vague memories dancing to it and listening to it in the car, and Doree, I don't know what happened, but now I'm on such a Bruce Springsteen kick.
Doree: Wow. I love this.
Kate: I was weeping. I was like my mom and I could have what it was. I was mourning the adult relationship. I never got to have with my mother. I never got to do things with her as an adult. Really. She died when I was 27. She got sick when I was 26. I was still basically a baby who couldn't feed herself on her own at that age, and I was just like, oh, my mom and I could have gone to a Bruce concert. And then you just like your life flashes before your eyes, but then just the song is beautiful and the song is sad. So when you have a dream, have a dream about someone who you haven't thought about in a hundred years, and you kiss in the dream and then you wake up and you have a crush on them.
Doree: Totally. I have been there.
Kate: You've been there, right? We've all had those moments.
Doree: Yes. Yes.
Kate: That's basically what happened to me. But with Bruce Springsteen, then I put on, I've never really been into Bruce, but now I'm like,
Doree: Interesting.
Kate: Oh, Thunder Road. I just been driving around listening to Bruce Springsteen. I don't know what's happening.
Doree: So I will tell you, I feel like I might have talked about this on the pod before. I don't remember. But when I worked at Rolling Stone, you were sort of contractually obligated to be a Bruce Springsteen fan. You didn't have a choice.
Kate: That makes sense, its a real kind of, especially I feel like a certain kind of white man from the East coast,
Doree: A thousand percent, and you just loved Bruce Springs Winter. Loved Bruce Springsteen. So I started working there, not being an especially big Bruce Springsteen fan, but I got kind of caught up in the moment and I ended up going to a couple of Bruce Springsteen concerts, and he is amazing in concert.
Kate: Really?
Doree: He's really amazing, and this was over 10 years ago, but I've heard he's still, I mean, he played for three hours straight. He's just a showman, and I think you should go to a concert, Kate.
Kate: I think I'm going to, the only time I've ever even come close is in, I think 2002 or three. I stood outside Central Park while he performed the album, the Rising, which is an album that also makes me cry because it's about September 11th in New York City in New Jersey. That's the closest I've come to seeing Bruce live, and I think I'm ready, but now I've feeling urgent about it. I've got to fucking get to a Bruce Springsteen concert.
Doree: Yeah, I mean, you do.
Kate: He's not getting any younger. I know Bruce has a lot of stamina. Also, I just want to say, man, seventies to early eighties, Bruce is, that's a tasty treat.
Doree: Oh, yeah.
Kate: Like, holy shit.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: I went there, what i wouldnt with Give what I wouldn't give, I might need to write fan fiction of just me and that Bruce Springsteen. Anyway.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: I will get me to a Bruce concert.
Doree: I think you'll enjoy it. Is he touring now? What's he doing?
Kate: I think he's doing a massive n I think he's doing one of those residencies at Madison Square Garden type thing.
Doree: Oh, Okay. Okay.
Kate: I'll find him. I'll track him down.
Doree: You will track him down. Oh, yeah. Wait, he is going to be here in Los Angeles in December.
Kate: I can wait that long. That gives me a lot of time to, oh my God. But it's on my child's birthday and she, oh, no. I can go on December 1st. There's two shows. Okay. Okay. Do you want to go?
Doree: Yeah, I'll go with you.
Kate: Okay, thank you. I need to really learn his catalog and I will be there because I know some songs, but not a lot of the deep cuts.
Doree: Right. Okay, let's do it. Let's go to see Bruce Springsteen.
Kate: I can't believe this came together so seamlessly.
Doree: I know. We've been to some good concerts together.
Kate: We have. New kids.
Doree: New kids.
Kate: Wait, is that the only one? Oh, Elton John. Yes. That's two
Doree: Two Iconic concerts.
Kate: We're seeing just really old men perform.
Doree: Yeah. Interesting. Ugh.
Kate: All right. Well, look, thank you for indulging me as I got that off my chest.
Doree: Of course,
Kate: if anyone has, Bruce Springsteen is part of a vital part of their self-care and wants to just kind of tenderly guide me to Asbury Park and show me the ropes. Let's do this.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: Here's a message from a listener that's very funny. Hey, Kate, horse and Doree, please weigh in on this decades long family disagreement, underwear under tights unnecessary because of the gusset in the crotch, or Yes, of course, you are supposed to wear underwear under tights. What is your verdict? I grew up wearing underwear until my stepmom came into the picture when I was 10. She was aghast to learn. I was wearing underwear as it was not necessary. I then went underwear less under tights for years until recently when I decided to screw what my stepmom thought and go back to wearing underwear because I feel more comfortable with it on what is normal, question mark.
Doree: Okay. I think the key phrase here is I feel more comfortable with it on
Kate: Yeah, thats your normal
Doree: Your normal. Wear, the underwear. I wear underwear with tights, so
Kate: I also wear underwear with tights, but I will say everybody has different textures and feelings and sensations are different for everybody. Right.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: Sensory people have so many different sensory experiences that I also think it is completely fine not to wear underwear under tights, but I don't think one is normal and one is not normal. I think it's, as Doree has noted, what is comfortable to you.
Doree: Yeah. There's no right or wrong answer here.
Kate: No. In fact, I bet there are some people who never wear underwear under any other clothes.
Doree: Yeah. There's people who never wear underwear, so I have stopped wearing underwear under my tennis skirt because there is built in short underwear, and I find that it feels too, too bulky, almost like it really feels like underwear, what's built in a way that it doesn't with just a regular pair of leggings, for example.
Kate: I Often find when I have a pair of shorts that has that built in underwear in there, I've always just assumed I'm not supposed to wear underwear with those.
Doree: That is, yeah. I mean, don't,
Kate: Yeah, but again, whatever you want is fine with us.
Doree: Totally. All right. Well, Kate, let's take a break.
Kate: Great.
Doree: We'll be right back. Okay. We are back with an email. Hi, Kat and Dor. Just listened to mini epp 376 and have some thoughts. I am also an almost 40 year old mom of four, and I'm sure many listeners do not want to spend a lot of time on my everyday makeup. Also want to feel good about my face. I think it would be fun to do a five minute face type question on the pod where listeners weigh in on their everyday go-to tried and true makeup products. I have to say, I do not share the same enthusiasm for this, SAIE, slip tint as Kate, despite all of the great reviews, found it to make my skin look rather dull and not enough coverage, and was looking for something less Dewey than the Ilia skin tint and have since found what I believe to be the holy grail of foundations. Wow. Those are big.
Kate: I know
Doree: big words.
Kate: I've buckled in my seatbelt
Doree: Unless I've somehow missed a mentioned along the way. I wonder how Kosis skin improving Foundation SPF 25 has not yet come up. I've tried so many different skin tin slash foundations from Illia to SAIE to the Kosis Oil, and in my opinion, this is by far the best. It evens everything out without feeling heavy and makes my face look fresh while giving just the right amount of coverage and glow. I apply with my fingers and then blend with a beauty sponge, damp for less coverage, dry for more. I also use Kosis concealer and have recently added their face powder. Love it all, and feel like their formulations really nail what my almost 40 year old self is looking for in a foundation product. Multipurpose, easy to use, enough coverage, no glazed donut effect, et cetera. I also use in Love the Merit cheek bomb in terracotta, the Sephora Insta Brow Waxy Brow Pencil and the Tower Beauty Making Waves lengthening and Volumizing mascara followed up with a swipe of Chapstick and five minute Face Donzo.
Kate: Well, well, well, if it isn't the old Kosis Skin Improving Foundation S SPS 25, I've never seen this product in my life or twice. I haven't either, but I think that's because the Kosis serum oil stuff like nudged, its way to the front of the line.
Doree: Yes, I agree
Kate: and I don't like that stuff at all.
Doree: I know you don't. Yeah.
Kate: I find it like, blah. No disrespect to the Kosis community, but it's I, it's like slimy. It's shiny. It just does not do it for me, so I'm very curious about this foundation.
Doree: I'm curious too.
Kate: All right. Okay, listener. We'll, think about it.
Doree: Challenge accepted,
Kate: And I like these other products that you recommended. Oh, my God. I want to tell you something because seeing the word Sephora, Insta Brow, waxy brow pencil makes me just want to tell you that I'm going to go try getting my eyebrows laminated.
Doree: Okay. I've been intrigued by this, and I've not taken the plunge.
Kate: Me too. I think this is at the core of the Selena Gomez, Hailey Bieber feud too, because I think they were, oh, allegedly mocking Selena's laminated eyebrows. Anyway, I don't even know what eyebrow lamination is. I didn't know it was a thing until two days ago, but this is how I like to roll impulsively with little information, so
Doree: Love it. Love it.
Kate: Okay. Here's another comment on the quote. No makeup. Makeup. Look. In defense of the no makeup makeup, look for me, it is not about looking like there's absolutely nothing on my face, nor is it about being flawless in my casual day-to-day life. I just don't feel comfortable walking out into the world in a full face of makeup. I want to wear just enough to feel a bit more put together, but anything heavier or dramatic is just not where I'm at right now. I'm currently a stay-at-home mom. When I used to work in a professional environment, a clearly made up face helped me feel more confident in that space. It all varies for me based on my environment. That said, here are my minimal makeup product, recs Maybelline Dream Fresh BB cream or tart merracusia tinted hydrator. Both great and both all often mix in with sunscreen to save myself a step, a lush, Clinique, chubby stick or NAS orgasm. Wow. Those two together, quite a combo. Depending on if I want to stick or powder concealer back to Maybelline Fit Me if needed. A touch of Maybelline fit me powder. Mascara I cycle, but I always seem to return to covergirl Lash blast volume, waterproof. Lips, usually aquafor, but niveea, Blackberry gives a gentle kiss of color, fresh sugar balm takes it up one more notch. I like a lot of these drugstore recos.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: Nivea Blackberry is what's really catching my eye, I got to say.
Doree: Yeah, This is, I'm intrigued. I'm intrigued.
Kate: Okay. Thanks for these recs. I know what I'm adding to my next target order, and it's nivea blackberry and maybe some of these other things, but All right, Doree, let's pause it up. Take a little break again, and we'll be back.
Doree: Okay. Alright
Kate: All right. Doree, we got kind of an intense email question.
Doree: Let's hear it.
Kate: All right. This listener wrote to us, I've been with my husband for 10 years and married about half of that, and we have two kids under four. You get it. We're in the thick of these toddler years where survival is number one. Anyway, I somewhat recently started a new job that has positioned me to meet someone that I just so happened to find myself very attracted to. I rarely find myself actually attracted to anyone who isn't a celebrity crush, so this is out of the ordinary for me. While we aren't coworkers, I do have to interact with this person some to a relatively minimal extent. We've become friends, and I find myself having a bit of a crush on this person. I'm so confused. It's gotten me questioning what monogamy even is and why are we trying to uphold these impossible standards for ourselves. I'm not even exactly obsessed with wanting to fuck this guy, though that is a little bit of it. I think I'm just excited by those butterfly feelings that have become a thing of the very distant past. Really, it's just exciting to feel interesting and mysterious and attractive to someone who is completely new to me. I am so compelled to explore it. It's hard to explain. Ultimately, I am happy in my marriage and I have never considered leaving it, nor would I ever want to hurt my partner. While I think we currently are experiencing a lull in our marriage, I have no doubts that this is the person I want to be married to. However, I feel like I am somehow already betraying him by not telling him that I'm experiencing these feelings. Am I the worst person? I haven't actually crossed any lines like giving this guy my cell number, though we have texted through an app at work or even explicitly said anything to him that crossed a line, but it's how I'm feeling inside that is plaguing me with guilt and shame. Will I get over this? Is this normal,
Doree: The old work crush
Kate: God? Oh, a work crush? Is there anything like it
Doree: Work, crush, always harmless fun until it's not
Kate: Married single. We've all had them. Right? It doesn't,
Doree: yeah.
Kate: Let's just first say that.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: I also just want to as reassure this listener. You are totally normal. You're not a bad person. I think this is a normal part of life. In my opinion. Being in a monogamous relationship is a choice, and it being attracted to other people is human nature. You're still, you're choosing to be in your marriage, but you can't help that other feelings come up like this. I think the most important thing is to know what the boundaries are in your relationship, in your marriage. There are some folks who are in cons, have a consensual, non-monogamous relationship. There are all sorts of parameters that you can set up in your marriage, and then to honor that commitment in whatever way that looks like, and communicate with your partner as needed. If this continues to unfold in a way that is leaving you feeling uncomfortable or questioning,
Doree: I think that's such good advice. These are tricky. These are tricky questions,
Kate: And there's layers of stuff, right?
Doree: Yes.
Kate: It's that having that relationship with a spouse change because young children are added to the mix, and that feeling after having kids or even just aging or at various times in our life where we're like, oh my gosh, so it feels so exciting to be attracted to someone and have someone be attracted to me.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: It makes us feel good about ourselves. I think these are all normal things. It's just a matter of how you engage with them.
Doree: Yes,
Kate: And only you can know what to do here.
Doree: I have talked about my workplace relationships gone wrong. I've written about my workplace relationships gone wrong. My, my only advice here, my only real advice here, kind of your marriage aside, is truly proceed with caution because it can feel very fun and flirty and a distraction, but you have to work with this person, and I just would really urge you to think twice before you cross any lines. Whether that's giving him your cell phone number or your personal email, or even getting coffee every day. It's just tricky when you know you're attracted to them,
Kate: And the other thing is, it's easy to be attracted to somebody or to have this kind of crush feeling to about someone who we don't have to deal with all their gross human things.
Doree: Totally. Totally. Kate,
Kate: Haven't had to deal with this person clogging the toilet yet, or all the other things that we deal with in a longer relationship.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: So be, I think crushes can become these kind of idolized outlets that, and it doesn't A, it's not actually who the crush is in reality.
Doree: Great point.
Kate: So yeah, I would say
Doree: Great point.
Kate: I would just keep a boundary in place. I think it's okay to talk to your partner about what's going on. I don't think you've done anyth. I think what you're feeling is, and experiencing is normal. I really do.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: Thank you for asking us such a hard question. Yeah. We know these are sensitive topics,
Doree: Very sensitive topics. Well, Kate, this has been a joy as always.
Kate: It has Doree. I'm, I'm thinking about the time I dated a coworker and then he dumped me, and then I went and I listened to this year's love. Do you remember that album that came out by that guy, Babylon? Do you remember that?
Doree: I don't remember.
Kate: This is like, so 2021, oh God. What is this guy's name? Hold on. David Gray.
Doree: Oh my God. David Gray.
Kate: I got down
Doree: Did you say 2021.
Kate: I know. Not 21, sorry. 2001. I'm, this is 2001.
Doree: Oh I was like, What?
Kate: Sorry. No, I just have this vivid memory of getting dumped after work and then walking back to my apartment, listening to this on my disc, man. Oh, and then having to see the person the next day.
Doree: Ooh. It's the worst.
Kate: It's the worst. Yeah. Well, on that note.
Doree: On that note. All right. Bye everyone.