Mini-Ep 376: Saie It Ain’t So
Kate and Doree answer listener questions about “flawless” makeup, moving across the country, learning to drive as an adult, and navigating an awkward social situation.
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Transcript
Kate: Hello and welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Kate Spencer,
Doree: And I am Doree Shafrir.
Kate: And we are not experts.
Doree: We're not. We're two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.
Kate: And this in your ears right now is what we call a mini episode where we hear from you, we share your comments and your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability.
Doree: Please remember, we are podcast hosts. We're not experts. We always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Kate: If you want to reach us, you may leave us a voicemail or send us a text at (781) 591-0390. You can also email us or email us a voice memo at Forever35podcast@gmail.com.
Doree: And if you want to visit our website, you can do that. For links to everything we mentioned on the show, we're on Instagram @Forever35podcast. And the Forever35 Facebook group is still going strong at facebook.com/groups/Forever35podcast. The password is serums.
Kate: Ugh, Doree.
Doree: Yes, Kate,
Kate: We're kicking things off with a listener who wants to know our exact makeup process. So let's read their message and then let's just kind of do, take this first few minutes of the show to break. Well just to discuss and we can break down what we're wearing. This person wrote to us and they said, hi, Kat and Dor, longtime listener. First time email. I'm a 40 year old mom to four who has never had the time to care about makeup. I just tossed something on and ran off about the day. Now I am finding I have time and interest and all the things I see on TikTok, Insta, et cetera, contouring and highlighting, and honestly just learning how to put on eye makeup. But I'm stuck. I purchased the things I am targeted and then get them, and I have no idea how to use it. Videos aren't helping either. I don't even know what order to apply anything. I swear I thought it was concealer then CC Cream Foundation. But the internet tells me otherwise I just cannot get it. Please share your makeup process step by step. That's in all caps. I need help. I want what they're calling gym makeup. Really, we have to put on a full face for the gym now, question mark. Haha, for my everyday look natural, yet flawless. Thanks for the help. Love you both. I have a lot to just to say about what we're being fed versus what is feasible. And
Doree: Same.
Kate: I have kind of made peace with the, and I understand the way those videos make you feel. I watch them and I'm like, oh my God, I've got to be fucking contouring my nose and not my face. And then I just have said to myself, you know what? That's just not going to be for me. I don't have the time or energy or quite frankly, the interest in learning how to do that. And I think that is just fine. And I do think we really need to look, if that interests you and you want to learn how to do it and you love it, that's great. But we can also make peace with the fact that we are being bombarded with billions of bits of information that makes it feel like we're being told to do things when we still can. Even though I know free will is probably a myth, we can still kind of choose what we want to do.
Doree: I also want to gently push back on this idea of natural yet flawless.
Kate: Keep talking
Doree: Because I feel like this plays into the whole pernicious no makeup look.
Kate: Shuttery shutters,
Doree: The quote, natural beauty look where the whole idea is to not look like you put in any effort. But look as this listener writes, flawless. And I think that this is a very pernicious message that has been kind of put forth to us by influencers, by websites, by magazines. And I would just urge you to reconsider this idea. It sounds to me like you don't want people to know that you're wearing makeup because that would imply that, I don't know. That would imply that you need makeup
Kate: Or that youre trying too hard.
Doree: You're trying too hard. You're worried what people might think if they know that you're wearing makeup, but you want the effects of wearing makeup without actually wearing, without people thinking you're wearing the makeup. So to me, that's sort of a dangerous self-esteem road to start going down. And there's nothing wrong with wearing a full face of makeup if that's what you want to wear.
Kate: Yeah, yeah. And I think also it's interesting when you talk about this idea of we look, we are wearing makeup but look like we're not wearing makeup it, it's another way of hiding the labor that goes into things.
Doree: Yeah, exactly.
Kate: And the labor that we're all kind of required to do by society. That is fucking exhausting. All that being said, I have product recommendations for you, but I'm bump. I mean, I have thoughts.
Doree: Let's hear them.
Kate: Okay. I think you would really SAIE beauty. S a i e. I do really like their products. If I'm putting on makeup, if I'm choosing to wear makeup for just a regular day where I'm working and picking up my kids and making dinner, that kind of day, dropping something off at school or running an errand. I don't wear makeup every day, but if I were choosing to put some on, I would possibly use some sort of primer. Really, I think anything goes here. Whatever you got, then I would put on, I like the saie, slip tint, dewey tinted moisturizer. It's extremely sheer. There's barely any coverage, but I think that's what you want. If you want a little more coverage. I really love the IT CC cream. It's really great. And then I, I bought a bunch of the saie beauty stuff, so I've just been kind of using that really. It's super quick. I put that, I'll put their lightweight, what do I put on underneath? Hold on. They have something called a serum foundation. Hydro Bounce Serum Foundation. So I'll put that on my face. Then I'll put their slip tint on maybe a little blotches of their Dewey highlighter. This is not sponsored. I just bought a bunch of their products. They have a dew blush, liquid cheek blush. I do two dots of it on my cheek because I find it very pigmented and I just rub it in with my fingers. And then I put a little bit of their hydra beam brightening creamy under eye concealer on, and that's, and then I'll put on a mascara. And for mascara, I have two that I really like. One is by Shoshi Glamor, and it's a refillable mascara. This brand just sent us some stuff and I use it, and I really love their mascara and their lip products are like to die for. Their lipsticks are great. And then also the Gwen Stefani, I think you pronounce it gxve, although I think she spells it like G X V E or something fucking annoying. But that mascara is excellent. So I use those two. And then I might, realistically, I'm just putting on some lip balm. I'm not even putting on a lipstick or anything. And that's just like a day-to-day. I also do like the Jones Road Miracle Balm. My caveat with this product is, I think I have it in the color. I think it's Dusty Rose, maybe it's flush. I forget the exact name, but I'm just using it on my cheeks. It's like a giant tub of product. And I use very, very little of it. You could share this with Split a miracle bomb with four friends. So I like it, but it's just enor. The amount of product you get is absurd to me.
Doree: Yeah, that's fair. Okay.
Kate: So that is it. If I was putting on a heavier makeup face, I would probably do use different products. I also like the Jane Iredale Dream Tint as a light foundation, but those are, that's kind of my, if I just tossed some makeup in a bag for the day, that is what I would be wearing. Doree, anything you want to add?
Doree: Yeah, I want to share my kind of, actually, I will share exactly what I take to the gym. So I bring my Under Eye concealer. My IT cosmetics. Bye-bye. Under eye. I bring my, I don't think I've ta, I've actually don't think I've talked about this product on POD before, and I actually really love it. It is from euphoria.
Kate: I've never heard of this
Doree: Place, their B Y O blush color-changing blush oil. So allegedly it reacts to your skin's pH to give you a flush. That is exactly your perfect shade.
Kate: I mean, my Hello Kitty pixie pH lip tint does this, and it is so fucking great.
Doree: Yeah, it's actually very cool because I have noticed it does give me a tint that is the perfect kind of cool pink shade that
Kate: yes, ooh, Doree,
Doree: I'm supposed to be wearing.
Kate: Do I need to tap itty tap, add to cart on this one and favorite it and watch it and think about it.
Doree: I really like it. There's a bit of a learning curve to it because it doesn't show up right away. So I think our instinct often with blush is you put some on and then you think, oh, I need a little bit more. But if you don't wait the 10 seconds for it to adjust to your skin, you end up with so much product on your face because you didn't let it figure out your color. But if you do, then it's great. And I like to use a little beauty blender to blend that in and blend in the concealer. And then I use my Thrive Cosmetics mascara, and that's kind of it for my very Oh, and an eyebrow pencil I will often bring, or some sort of eyebrow situation. I think doing your eyebrows is a very underrated quick, easy,
Kate: I agree.
Doree: Thing to make yourself look like a little bit more pulled together. So those are the four things I would do. And then if you want, you can do a lip gloss or something. I have to come clean and say that I love the way lipstick and lip glosses look. They don't really last on my face. I'm always touching my face or drinking something. And the super long lasting ones, I feel like inevitably dry out my lips. So not that I've given up on lip gloss and lipstick, but I'm not like a must do for me.
Kate: Yeah.
Doree: You know what I'm saying?
Kate: Yeah, I do. That's why I'm just putting on my rose lip balm and just, or Vaseline,
Doree: I just call in a day.
Kate: Yep. Signing off.
Doree: Yep. So anyway, that's what I got to say.
Kate: Yeah, I mean, look, we could definitely do, if people want to toss out their Pro recs, we could do a whole episode on this, but let's also discuss the implications and the larger things around it. Cause I do think it's interesting. I think I'm curious about our feelings about this brings up a lot of feelings. Anyway, Doree, let's take a break and when we come back, we have a couple questions about transportation.
Doree: All right. We'll be right back.
Kate: All right. Welcome back. Doree, would you mind reading this first email for us?
Doree: I definitely would not. Hi, Kate and Doree. I would love some advice. I'm making a big CrossCountry move from Des Moines, Iowa to Richmond, Virginia to go to graduate school in the fall. I've lived in Des Moines for over 10 years, and I'm paralyzed with anxiety about all the logistics that need to fall into place with a move. This, I'm very excited about graduate school, but the current stress of moving is totally eclipsing that. You both have done big Cross Country moves before. Do you have any advice or tips for how to do this? How do I look for apartments when I'm 18 hours away? How did you move your things? How much money did you save to pull it off? Help? I will be moving with my partner who will continue working their same job.
Kate: So when my husband and I moved from Brooklyn, New York to Los Angeles, California, some of the things that we did, one, we never looked for apartments ourselves, friends, there was an apartment opening up in our friends building, and they went and looked at, they told us about it, looked at it for us, and we rented it site unseen. I only saw pictures of the apartment.
Doree: Wow, okay.
Kate: Because I think I've had other friends and other people I know one of them will go out and look and sign a lease on something before the move, but I don't think we could afford to do that. So that is how we did it. It's a risk, but that is just what we did. So I think you can rent an apartment site unseen from, you know, can ask for sure someone, the owner or landlord or whoever, to do a video tour. That might just be how you have to do it. It's not a permanent home. You're only living there for however long your lease is. But that's what I would recommend. And let's see. We also had movers, and I would thoroughly research if you're using movers thoroughly research, because I've heard some horror stories of cross-country moves, and we had them come and we had an eight month old baby at the time, so we paid the extra to have them pack up our apartment, which was magical. And then it was about three to four weeks of waiting for our stuff in Los Angeles. They came and packed us up. We flew out the next day and then our stuff arrived. I would recommend going and getting some basic stuff to have in your new place. We slept in an air mattress. We had went to Target and bought blankets and a few plates and those sorts of things. Plates, I still use to this day, plastic's, big plastic bowls that I love. So you're going to want to do, we literally landed at the airport and drove to ikea. It was really intense. It was intense. It was with a baby and a cat. So I think you just also have to constantly be reminding yourself that moving is one of the most traumatic things that you can do. It's extremely unsettling and stressful, so you have to just understand or just remind yourself that when you're overwhelmed and stressed and freaking out, everything is a fucking disaster. This is a extremely big life event. I don't remember how much money we saved because it was 12 years ago, but we did not have a ton of money saved.
Doree: You said that you are going to graduate school. The first thing I would do is I would reach out to your school. They almost definitely have some sort of housing office, and I would ask, there are any internal lists, bulletin boards, you know what I mean? Internal Craigslist type places where
Kate: totally
Doree: apartments are posted. It sounds like you're not going to have any sort of student housing, but I would ask about that because that is a good way to find places that are probably near campus, and I don't want to say vetted, but people have probably rented from them before. The other thing I would do is call the admin of your particular program and ask if there is any sort of department email list of graduate students that you could email and ask if anyone in the department has any knowledge of available apartments. I would take advantage of the school.
Kate: Yes. Great.
Doree: Going into a school situation. The other thing I would say is I'm going to assume that one of you will be driving, I, I'm going to assume that you have a car that you will be bringing if that in assumption is incorrect, I'm sorry, but I'm going to assume that I would pack. Really go through your stuff and think about what are the things that I'm really going to need for two to four weeks while our stuff is getting moved. One tip that I've seen that I've never tried, but seems like a super useful thing to do, is you pack a suitcase with the things that you think you'll need, and then you only use the stuff out of that suitcase. And if it's not in the suitcase, then you put it in the suitcase.
Kate: Oh, smart Doree, this is before you leave.
Doree: This is before you leave. And you kind of do that for a few days because that way like, oh, you go to brush your teeth and your toothbrush isn't in the suitcase, then you put it in the suitcase. You know what I mean? So that way you could at least have those really important things that you might not want to entrust to movers any sort of documents or whatever, and medications, all that kind of stuff. But then also stuff that would just be annoying to live without for a few weeks.
Kate: I love that. That's such a good suggestion. I've never even thought about that. I love it.
Doree: I forget where I read this tip. It's possible it was in Forever35 travel. But yeah, I mean, I'm always like, I should do that. And then I forget.
Kate: You never have. Yep.
Doree: I've never done it, but it's always advice I give people. Cause I'm like, if I were more organized, I would do this.
Kate: Yeah, it's a great idea.
Doree: Yeah. So whoever thought of that great work
Kate: Credit goes to you. Good luck, listener with your move.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: Here is an email we received. Hi Kat and Dor, looking for some advice on learning how to drive. I'm going to turn 34 soon, and I feel pathetic that I never got my license. I tried to learn in my twenties and with undiagnosed A D H D, a bad teacher and overwhelmingself doubt. It just didn't happen. I've told myself that I need to at least try to learn again, especially now that I'm on meds for the a d, adhd, but I keep talking myself out of it because I'm so scared of failing. I should also add that at this point, I need to first rewrite the written test because that has now expired, but I can't even get myself to refresh myself on the rules so I can write the test. Anyone else out there who learned how to drive later in life? Any tips?
Doree: I did not personally learn how to drive later in life, but I have some friends who did.
Kate: Oh, interesting. Okay. And yeah, I,
Doree: Well, I think it's actually fairly common for people who grew up in New York City to never have learned how to drive.
Kate: Totally.
Doree: If you grew up in LA you, it's not a blanket generalization because obviously there's a lot of people who can't afford cars in Los Angeles, but it is more of a driving city than New York where even people who could afford cars oftentimes either don't have one or it's just not something that their kid would learn necessarily. It's just not as much part of the culture. So I do know a few people who grew up in New York who as adults either moved out of New York or for whatever reason, decided they needed to learn how to drive and did as adults. I think this is just the kind of thing where you just have to psych yourself out and own it and try as much as you can to let go of the shame that it seems like you feel over never having learned how to drive.
Kate: I agree that it's definitely much more common than I think it seems.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: And even if it wasn't, it's still okay.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: I think if you can break it down into really digestible steps, because you mentioned the test and I just see you and I understand the feeling of, I understand the inability, not the feeling, the inability to rewrite the written test. You have to refresh yourself on the test. So I think if you can set yourself up with very doable goals, open the website to just write down the url. What is the website where I, I'm going to learn about this written test. Okay, I found the url. Now I at least know what it is. Then tomorrow I can maybe open the url. I also think that if it's within your means financially to get a go to driving school research.
Doree: Yeah, totally. What the good driving schools are in your area and take private driving lessons. I mean, I took driving lessons when I was a kid. Driver ed was truly a bizarre experience for me. It was very weird. I don't know if you took driver's ed, but I think there are lots of driving schools. There are lots of folks learning how to drive as adults, and I would just get yourself, find someone who you feel really comfortable with, and just take your time. There's no rush. There's no pressure.
I have, I will say I sincerely hope that driver's ed has evolved since the time that I took it in the early to mid nineties.
Kate: Yes, agreed. Great.
Doree: There's a lot of unnecessary fear mongering, I think.
Kate: Yeah.
Doree: I hope that they have now learned to walk the line between instilling a healthy degree of safety and awareness versus trying to scare the shit out of teenagers.
Kate: God, I remember those times. Yeah. So strange. All right, Doree, let's take one more break and come back with one last question.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: All right, Doree, we're just going to end things today with some thoughts from a listener about a person, one of another listener, who was worried that a friend had unfollowed them on social media or muted them. I should say.
Voicemail: Hey, this is in response to the listener who was worried about her friend, who maybe might have muted her on Instagram or doesn't watch her post whatever in conjunction you guys are saying about the algorthem, and being invisible etc, I just want to say that I have been known to before It was an option. I used to unfollow people who maybe were acquaintances, but that I felt posted too much and were inhibiting me from, or prohibiting me, rather from seeing other posts I want to see. But sometimes it could be as simple as that. If you post too many stories a day and the friend just wants to see specific content, or another move that I'm noticing a lot with my friends and myself to some degree is I'll mute a lot of noise and then, or I'll go through phases where I mute everybody and just log on to only look for the feel good stuff, but then I'd also not make it a thing. Make sure you haven't done anything. I don't know. depends on how close you are, that last part's probably garbage, but I just want to just share my thoughts. Bye.
Kate: Yeah. Yeah. I do like that this listener's like maybe your friend just followed you because you're too much online. I mean, yeah. That's like real talk, right? That could be it.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: Or you're not just for them. Your online presence isn't for them, which isn't a critique of you. It just is what it is. Look, everybody has the right to exist on social media how they want, right, Doree. Yeah. It doesn't, I think somebody muting you or unfollowing you, doesn't mean that they don't like you. Totally. It's we have to figure out new boundaries to set in this online world.
Doree: Yeah. I think that's really fair. I mean, and it's the kind of thing where, well, whatever, we already already discussed this. I appreciate this listener's point of view. I also think that you can drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why someone did something on social media.
Kate: Yes.
Doree: And ultimately it doesn't really matter.
Kate: Yes.
Doree: You know?
Kate: No.
Doree: So
Kate: This is such a good point. Amen. Amen. Amen.
Doree: Kate, this is my way of telling you that I've unfollowed you. I'm just kidding. I haven't unfollowed you.
Kate: You know what? Remember when I accidentally blocked you on Instagram?
Doree: Yes.
Kate: Do you remember when I accidentally blocked you?
Doree: I do. I remember. That was Hilarious.
Kate: Yes. It was so weird.
Doree: It's like, Kate, I think the reason you're not seeing my stuff is because it appears that you have blocked me. Anyway.
Kate: It was an accident.
Doree: All right.
Kate: All right. Well, Doree, let's set a boundary and sign off.
Doree: Great. Bye everyone.