Mini-Ep 375: Another Person Influenced
Kate and Doree remember what it was like this week three years ago and then hear from listeners about a European adventure, TikTok impulse buying, and slugging with Weleda.
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Transcript
Kate: Hello. Welcome to Forever 35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I am Kate Spencer.
Doree: And I am Doree Shafrir.
Kate: And we're not experts.
Doree: No. But we're two friends who like to talk a lot about serums,
Kate: And this is a mini episode where we hear from you, we share your comments and your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability.
Doree: But please remember, we are podcast hosts. We're not experts. We always encourage you to seek support first and foremost from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Kate: But if you want to reach us, which look, we hope you do, text us or leave us a voicemail at 781-591-0390. You can also email us at forever35podcast@gmail.com.
Doree: Visit our website forever35podcast.com for links to everything we mentioned on the show. We're on Instagram @Forever35podcast. And you can join the Forever 35 Facebook group at facebook.com/groups/forever35podcast. The password is serums
Kate: And sign up for a newsletter at forever35podcast.com/newsletter. Wow, I couldn't Get the words out fast enough.
Doree: And you can shop our favorite products at shopmy.us/forever35.
Kate: Now, I just want to take a moment up top here just to note the fact that over three years ago, for us personally, not for the entire world, but for us, COVID lockdown started, it has been three years.
Doree: Wow. Wow.
Kate: I can still remember getting messages from listeners in New York who are like, we are locked down here and this is happening. And
Doree: I mean, I remember getting emails from listeners in Italy.
Kate: Yes, that's right.
Doree: Being like, we are locked down here. It's crazy here.
Kate: It's coming
Doree: And it's coming. I mean, I look back at in my one line of day journal and these weeks,
Kate: Oh my goodness
Doree: are crazy because there's comments starting to, covid is going to be a real thing or you know what I mean?
Kate: I'll tell you what. Denial is a hell of a drug because at the time I was like didn't understand how things worked. I was like, maybe we won't get it in California. I didn't understand globalization.
Doree: Yes, sure.
Kate: And also how viruses spread clearly.
Doree: Right. I remember panicking the last weekend of February, Matt and I were in Vegas to see the Dave Matthews Band
Kate: Classic
Doree: and to go to a friend's 40th birthday. And something happened over that weekend and I don't remember what it was. It must have been some news story I read, but I suddenly got really nervous and my were with Henry at our house and I texted my mom. I was like, I'm ordering a bunch of stuff on Instacart
Kate: I remember this. Yes,
Doree: Please. Just put it away. It's like supplies. I got toilet paper. I just got all this stuff. And my mom was like, okay. Paranoid poly, you know,
Kate: Big prepper energy.
Doree: I had big prepper energy.
Kate: I did a similar Costco run and I can remember it was before it was in February and I got hotdog weenies, I got food, which is good to have, especially in California. natural disasters are a very real thing. Totally. We have seen and can happen. And I do have a earthquake kit and all that stuff, but I just had this moment of we're going to run out. And it was scary. And there were many times and have been many times since then where we have felt that. Yeah. I mean, it has been a harrowing three years. And I just want to take a moment to acknowledge the trauma we have all been through collectively, because it is fucking a lot.
Doree: It's a lot. It's really been a lot.
Kate: And caring for yourselves during this time, essentially impossible.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: So look, we see you.
Doree: We do. We see you.
Kate: And now we're going to completely shift gears and self soothe with a conversation about makeup brushes.
Doree: I love it. Kate
Kate: A listener, wrote to us,
Text: Hello, responding to the listener who asked when it's time to replace her makeup brushes. I used to run this category at Sephora. Oh, hello. The answer we recognized internally was when the bristles started to fall out. Otherwise, keep 'em clean and you're good to go for years.
Kate: Where Have you been hiding? Sephora, Employee. Listen. Listener
Doree: of this category.
Kate: Yeah. What does that even mean? You ran makeup brushes?
Doree: I don't know, but I love it.
Kate: So cool. Okay. Yeah. When the bristles start to fall out, which as I read this, I was like, oh boy. Definitely have some of those that fit into this category. Hot tip from someone in the know
Doree: That is a hot tip. And it just sort of, again, I think points to this whole, are expiration date's a scam kind of thing. Yes. We have an authority here saying you can use these till the bristles fall out.
Kate: And honestly, even when the bristles are falling out, you can still use them. I put my makeup on with my hands today, Doree. So it's like,
Doree: Well, I imagine they had to be a little more mindful because these were probably brushes that in-house makeup artists were using. Good point. And if a customer came in and you were using a brush that the bristles fell out on their face, they might not.
Kate: That'd be awkward.
Doree: Yeah. They might not appreciate that. Should I read this next text?
Kate: I mean, it is for you.
Doree: It is for me.
Text: This is a text for Doree and all other Maisie Dobbs lovers. If you've read and loved the Maisie Dobb series, I recommend the Lane Winslow series by Iona Wisha. The first book is a Killer in King's Cove and the Purvine Mystery series by Sujata Massey. First book is The Widows of Malabar Hill.
Kate: Have you read either of these?
Doree: I have not. And I love alike. If you like this, you'll like this
Kate: Same.
Doree: So thank you for this. I really appreciate these recommendations.
Kate: I was like, oh, I could try these. And then I realized I finished, I got through half of a Maisie Dobbs book, so I need to go back to the start and go back to Maisie before I do anything else. Okay.
Doree: Or not.
Kate: Or not well. Or just stick to what I like or
Doree: Just stick to what you like. Yes.
Kate: All right. Here's a text.
Text: Hi there. I'm in a place we're starting to travel again. Seems more safe, or at least I'm willing to take risks I wasn't the past few years. Thanks. Vaccines. Since the beginning of the pandemic, I've had two babies after two pregnancy losses, started therapy. Yay. Moved across the country, tried a butt mask. Thanks Kat and Dor. And my partner and I have both had job changes. I'd like to think about a trip with my sister as the most grand gesture of self-care I've taken in a very long time. We've decided to go to Portugal, probably Lisbon and Lagos. I'd love to hear your thoughts on taking a huge trip away from family and young kids and or any and all Portugal recommendations regardless of whether or not you address this. I love you both so much and all the conversations you've put out in the pod universe.
Kate: Thank you for those nice words.
Doree: That is very nice.
Kate: I've never been to Portugal, so this is just like we're opening this conversation up. For those who have been to Portugal.
Doree: I also have not been to Portugal.
Kate: I really want to go.
Doree: I do too. Let's go.
Kate: I mean, no joke. I would love that. Top of the list. I would say I a hundred percent support. If travel is feeling safe for you and you want to do it, I totally support it. And I a hundred percent you support leaving your family and your young kids while you travel.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: They will be okay.
Doree: They will be totally fine.
Kate: I know it's scary. I know it feels weird. I know there's a lot of guilt and stuff we can put ourselves through and that society will put you through and someone will make a comment of, I could never leave my kids for more than a night. Some passerby will make a comment that will make you doubt your entire existence. And we are here to say that whatever you choose is fine.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: And if it helps, my husband and I went to Ireland for 10 days when our daughter was a year and a half old and left her with my in-laws and she's now 12 and she's fine.
Doree: There you go.
Kate: They'll be fine.
Doree: They will be fine. And also, frankly, take advantage of, oh, doesn't say, oh, okay, you're going with your sister. So sounds like your partner is going to stay with the children. But I was going to say, you mentioned in-laws, and not to be morbid, but take advantage of in-laws, being able to watch your children while you can if you have them. or parents or whoever it is. I've just been thinking about that lately. Cause people get old. They do. So anyway, sorry. No, I didn't mean to bring down the mood.
Kate: If anyone out there lives in Portugal who wants to meet up with Doree and me when we come on our trip,
Doree: Yeah, let us know.
Kate: That would be really fun
Doree: That would be super fun.
Kate: I mean, we also would have to hit a Paris.
Doree: Oh, for sure.
Kate: I mean, I know we fantasize, but wouldn't that be fun? It
Doree: Would be fun.
Kate: I think we would travel well together.
Doree: I agree. Because I think neither of us would have any issues with being like, Hey, you know what, I need just like a day to myself. You know what I mean? Or we would just be like in sync. I think
Kate: I think so too.
Doree: Okay. Let's do it. Okay. All right. Well, let's take a break.
Kate: Okay. We'll plan the trip on the break.
Doree: Okay. Sounds good.
Kate: All right. We're back. Our European adventure is booked.
Ugh. Okay. Here is a really intense question that we received that I am dying to answer.
Text: Hi Kate and Dor. I have a big and somewhat scary dilemma to get advice on. I have been dating someone new for about two months, and things have been open and vulnerable and so good between us. I have about $5,000 in credit card debt that I'm working hard to pay down. And this came up a few days ago when he asked why I always use my debit card to pay for things. He comes from a wealthy family and out of the blue yesterday offered to pay it off for me. He said it would be a zero interest loan, which is obviously attractive to me in comparison to the 25% I'm currently paying. But yikes, this would be a huge thing. Is this wildly inappropriate? Should I entertain this suggestion? Should I involve a legal document for this? What if we break up? You can probably see why I've been spiraling in the middle of the night. Thanks.
Doree: I mean, do you want my short answer or do you want my long answer?
Kate: I want Both, but let's both start with short.
Doree: My short answer is, under no circumstances should you do this.
Kate: Oh My God, it is such a hell no from me.
Doree: It's definitely not.
Kate: No. Should
Doree: We say it again?
Kate: Please Don't
Doree: Don't do this.
Kate: Do not,
Doree: Don't do this. So don't entertain this suggestion. I would say thank him for his generous offer and just say, I don't feel comfortable. Or you don't even have to give an explanation.
Kate: You do not need to qualify
Doree: You don't need to qualify it, but I would not do this for all the reasons that you're thinking why it would be a bad idea. Those are the reasons. I mean, it creates such an imbalance of power.
Kate: Oh my God, that's, this terrifies me for that reason.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: Even if this person is completely genuine and kind in their offer, you do not want to be in this situation.
Doree: No, you don't. I mean, right, because it's like things are great now, but you've only known this person for two months and if things go south, do you want to have even a zero interest loan with your ex-boyfriend?
Kate: No way.
Doree: Definitely not.
Kate: And you're right, the balance of power like that, like in a bad case scenario, this really scares me. Yes. And I think you could speak with a financial advisor or do of your own reading on how to pay off this debt. You could open up a zero interest credit card that's zero interest for the first six months, move all your debt onto that credit card.
Doree: There are Ways to do
Kate: This on your own that I think would just leave you in a much better position than being beholden to this person that you're dating.
Doree: Yes, I agree.
Kate: Please Don't do this. Well,
Doree: Glad we're in agreement on this.
Kate: Woo.
Doree: Shall I read this next email? Yes. Okay.
Email: Hi, Kat and Dor, longtime listener. First time emailer. I'm listening to episode 256 on an airplane, and I had to write in about something Kat was talking about. She mentioned that she's trying to control her impulse to buy things when she sees a TikTok influencer saying they won't gate keep a product. I love to watch makeup tutorial and skincare education videos. Inevitably, I see prods that speak to me and say, order me. Now, of course, sometimes I do order immediately, but when I'm feeling a little more self-control, my technique is to log into my online account, usually Sephora, and save the item to my favorites list. If I hear others recommend it, keep going back to it and feel tempted, eventually I will order it. But adding it to my favorites list allows me to save it and know that I won't lose the recommendation forever. I've heard others recommend adding to shopping cart, but I find that makes it too easy to buy it. Next time I'm in the app, if it's in my favorites, I have to actively go to the favorites list and add it to cart to buy, which doesn't often happen. Every once in a while, I even find things in my favorites and think, why did I want that? In those instances, I just delete it and feel good that I didn't buy it on impulse.
Kate: I mean, yes. I love that this
Doree: love this strategy.
Kate: It's funny, I do this kind of organically. I haven't done it intentionally, but I will sometimes favorite things on Sephora, and then months later I go in and look and I'm like, I wanted, I have zero recollection of wanting this product, and it is really helpful.
Doree: That's great, Kate,
Kate: because Add to cart, it does disappear. A lot of websites don't save what's in your cart.
Doree: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kate: I find that Jcrew is a real big one on this
Doree: but it also to this listener's point does make it easier to just buy it
Kate: Yeah, just buy it.
Doree: Yep. Kate, I have a confession to make, which is that I saw something on TikTok the other night and I bought it.
Kate: Whoa. Is it a skincare product?
Doree: No.
Kate: Is it a piece of clothing?
Doree: Sort of?
Kate: Is it a Hat?
Doree: No,
Kate: a bag.
Doree: Do you want me to tell you?
Kate: Yes, but I am kind of having fun, just wondering what is it. It's a sort of piece of clothing. A shoe?
Doree: Yes.
Kate: All right. A shoe. Is it a sneaker with no laces that you slip into? Because I've been targeted for those a lot lately.
Doree: It's a sneaker. Okay. But it does have laces.
Kate: Okay. Tell me what it is.
Doree: It is a new balance sneaker the, hold on. I want to get you the exact model that I got.
Kate: Ooh, those are cute. Those are cute. Thank you. And they replace your Nike
Doree: Yes. the Air
Kate: Air Force ones. Yes. That you have to get rid.
Doree: Yes that Did not. That did not fit.
Kate: Those Are cute. Now, how are you influenced? Did you see it in a TikTok where you could click the link and buy them?
Doree: No. I've some TikTok that have been showing up on my for you page are like, here's trends that are in for 2023.
Kate: Fascinating. Okay.
Doree: Are you not getting these?
Kate: I'm not on TikTok right now.
Doree: Oh okay.
Kate: Because I deleted it.
Doree: So I've been getting a lot of five things that are in for 2023. And a lot of them, them were like waist coats. And those, remember those thick spandexy headbands that we used to wear
Kate: That's in?
Doree: those are in apparently
Kate: fuck Everything.
Doree: And someone had, I think maybe it was five shoes that are in for 20. I don't exactly remember, but I have been looking for a pair of lifestyle sneakers to replace my Air Force ones that I sold, and these came across my for you page. And I was like, you know what? These are really cute. There's free shipping and free returns. If they don't fit or I don't like them, I can just send them back. They had my size.
Kate: Have you gotten them yet?
Doree: Well, they were delivered today. But I am at your house.
Kate: Oh my gosh. Get out of here and go find those sneakers. Will you send me a picture when you get home?
Doree: I sure will.
Kate: This is a topic for another time, but I had, part of the reason I find found TikTok so challenging is videos like that where it creates this feeling of needing all the things and hyper-fixating and never not having the right thing. Those kind of trend, what's in for blah, blah, blah. When I watch it and I'm like, oh, fuck a pointy toed black boot. I don't have that.
Doree: I mean, I think most of these videos I watched and I'm sort of like, huh, that's weird. Or, oh, that outfit is literally something I wore in 1996, or, you know what I mean? Something like that. I think with this particular situation, it was that I had been looking for something like that and hadn't quite found the right thing, and then was like, oh, those are really cute. I'm going to get those. So I was definitely influenced. I definitely bought them impulsively, but they were also something that in the back of my mind, I had been kind of wanting, I didn't go out and buy a headband or,
Kate: that's fair.
Doree: Or a waist coat.
Kate: a waist Coat. I don't even know what that,
Doree: I mean, they're calling them waste coat. They're basically those vests that we used to wear those button up vests.
Kate: No. Oh, I don't. Why are you borrowing from the worst decade of fashion?
Doree: I know. It's so bad.
Kate: It was a bad time.
Doree: It was not a good time. Well, oh, also, also one of these, or I've seen, I've actually seen a couple that said, skinny jeans are back. And I was like, oh, they just fucking trolled the shit out of millennials. This is so funny. They told millennials that skinny jeans were out. So all of the millennials were like, oh no, I have to get rid of my skinny jeans. And now they're like, oh, jk, skinny jeans are in.
Kate: Oh my God. That is, as my children would say, very sus.
Doree: I agree.
Kate: I will say, I am wearing the perfume that I bought from the TikTok that influenced me, and I don't even really like how it smells. I just wear it to prove a point.
Doree: What is it?
Kate: What's the point? ,
Doree: No What's the
Kate: What's the perfume?
Doree: Perfume? what's the point
Kate: It's by a company called, so I think it's maybe Eauso. Yeah. E A U S O. And I can tell you the one that I have, which I bought simply because a woman on TikTok said she wasn't going to gatekeep it. It is called Purple Noon, and it's sold out. And I guarantee you it's sold out because that fucking TikTok went viral. And dummies like me were like, got to get it. Even though it's a scent. I don't know if I'd ever Wear,
Doree: oh my God.
Kate: And now it's not this company's fault. I'm excited for them. It seems like a cool company female and Latinx founded was overt. I mean, support them. And I might be selling this perfume because I don't know if I love the scent. But also other scents on their website seem like I would love, I didn't even pause to review their other scents. We don't need to analyze this. I had therapy yesterday. Okay, let's take a break.
Doree, we're going to round things out here with a couple of voicemails.
Voicemail: Hello. Lovely ladies I wanted to share a new discovery, and dare I say, a holy grail product that has really, truly changed the life of my skin. I am 41. I am chronically dehydrated, have rosacea, some adult acne partridge and a pear tree, you know normal life stuff. And I believe last year started slugging purely based off of TikTok, I must admit. But I was waking up. I realized I was waking up every morning, so my skin always just looks terrible, and I always felt like, I don't know. It felt dry and tight and just uncomfortable and mostly kind of gray and sad looking. And so I started slugging. But I really believe that what I decided to slug with is the key. And I went for the ultra thick, what's it called? The ultra rich cream version of Waleda skin food. Every part of my routine, my skincare is over the counter or the ordinary. Like I am a teacher. That money is very precious and I don't have a lot of it, so I have to really get some bang for my buck. So this will latest skin food. It is rich, it is luxurious, it is very spa-like and smell. And I'm very sensitive to smell, but I really like it. But I do all my nighttime skin routine, pop that waleda on top, go the heck to bed and no joke. I mean, from day one, I've woken up the next morning and my skin just looks better. I'm not having the flakiness, I'm not having the dryness. The tone is better. It helps my rosacea. Not a diagnosis, but I just could not endorse this product enough and wanted to share it. Have a great day, guys.
Kate: Another person influenced by TikTok. Wow. Okay. I do not like the smell of Waleda skin food. I really wish I did. I find I can't handle the scent. And you know me, I can handle most. Yeah, I like smells. But I love this for you. I think this is an example of a very occlusive moisturizer that's great for your face. I mean, this is a very iconic product, and Waleda makes some really nourishing creams, I find.
Doree: Yes, they do. They do.
Kate: Well, thank you for the rec. Any other waleda sluggers out there? Let us know if there's an unscented. I don't think they make an unscented skin food, but they have other unscented products that maybe I will try. All right. Another skincare question to kind of end on. Okay.
Voicemail: Hi Kat and Dor. I am calling from a brisk walk in the Chicago cold. And I just had a question for you guys. I've been going to the dermatologist for a few months now. I am 35 forever, but also, actually I'm 35 right now. And also I have had the combination recently where I'm seeing signs of aging in my skin a little bit in my face, but also I'm struggling with acne. And so I've seen some improvement going to the dermatologist and trying some topical things. But I'm still struggling with acne. And particularly once in a while I've gotten the cystic acne where topical treatment just doesn't really seem like it works. So it's been quite a process. But I'm now about to start Accutane, which I have heard is supposed to rid you of acne once and for all, more or less. And it's been, like I said, it's been a process I've had to get blood work.
I had to find a CDC form pledging that I won't get pregnant while on the medication. I've had to take multiple pregnancy tests in the doctor's office. And I'm really excited about the results. Hopefully that I'll see. But I was warned that it could make my skin pretty dry while I'm on it for the next six to eight months. So I'm just curious if any other listeners have used Accutane. What was it like? How did you care for your skin while you were on it? And just wanted to also say, I loved, thanks for waiting and in a New York minute, I pitched them both to my book club. So love you guys and thanks for possibly answering my questions.
Doree: Aw, well thanks for your kind words about our books.
Kate: Yeah, that, Thank you for that support. That's so sweet. I was listening to this voicemail and when it was a real pick me up to hear that. Yeah. I've never used Accutane.
Doree: I haven't Either.
Kate: I have no experience here. So I just thought this was one of those things we could share with our listeners and see if people come back with advice. Yeah.
Doree: Do you suggestions? Have you been on Accutane?
Kate: Yeah. I know. It can be really in a really intense,
Doree: Very intense, intense treatment. Yes.
Kate: So let's hope we can find you some support.
Doree: Yes. Huh. Well, Kate, it's been great to chat with you.
Kate: This has been fun doing this in person. I missed seeing your face.
Doree: Likewise,
Kate: Everybody. Thank you so much for listening.
Doree: Bye.