Mini-Ep 372: Critters For Self-Care
Kate and Doree suit up in their new Forever35 hoodies to hear from listeners about critters as self-care, roaches in the Gulf Coast, making friends of all ages, and moving in with a partner.
Mentioned in this Episode
To leave a voicemail or text for a future episode, reach them at 781-591-0390. You can also email the podcast at forever35podcast@gmail.com.
Visit forever35podcast.com for links to everything they mention on the show or shopmyshelf.us/forever35.
Follow the podcast on Instagram (@Forever35Podcast) and join the Forever35 Facebook Group (Password: Serums).
Sign up for the newsletter! At forever35podcast.com/newsletter.
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links.
Transcript
Kate: Hello everyone and welcome to Forever 35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Kate Spencer.
Doree: And I'm Doree Shafrir.
Kate: And we're not experts.
Doree: No. But we're two friends who like to talk a lot about serums,
Kate: And this here is a mini episode where we get to hear from you and share your comments and thoughts and we answer your questions to the best of our ability.
Doree: But please remember, we are a podcast host. We're not experts. We always encourage you to seek support first and foremost from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Kate: If you would like to reach us, our voicemail and text message number is 7 8 1 5 9 1 0 3 9 0, and our email is forever35podcast@gmail.com.
Doree: And you can visit our website forever35podcast.com for links to everything we mentioned on the show. We are on Instagram @Forever35podcast. We also have a Facebook group at facebook.com/groups/forever35podcast. The password is serums. We have a newsletter at forever35podcast.com/newsletter. And you can also shop our favorite products at shop.my.us/forever35. And, oh
Kate: No, go ahead, Doree.
Doree: I was just going to say we have some new merch.
Kate: It's so good. I was wearing mine all around the other day.
Doree: It's really good. You should go check it out at balancebound.co/shop/forever35.
Kate: I was cozy in my new forever 35 sweatshirt.
Doree: Oh baby. Yeah,
Kate: I watched the dog in it. Ugh. I was, it's a real snuggling and it's super soft.
Doree: Yeah. Also there's a special mug.
Kate: Oh my gosh. The mug situation.
Doree: There's a special mug. That's all I'll say.
Kate: Go check it out. You might know what we're talking about. Hint, hint,
Doree: Hint, hint. Nay. Okay.
Kate: Doree. What? <laugh> Just
Doree: Nay.
Kate: Did you just nay?
Doree: I Did Just nay.
Kate: Do you see what our first email from a listener is? It's like, it's a perfect segue.
Doree: Yeah. Do you want to read it?
Kate: Sure.
Email: Hiya Kate Horse and Doree. I am a horse girl, have been for 50 years and horses have gotten me through my father dying when I was 13. Various breakups, layoffs, which is ironic because pretty much only yachting is more expensive. Depression and covid to name a few. I've been listening to the pod since the beginning. Many thanks and can't recall hearing an episode about critters as self-care. Did I miss it? If so, would you consider doing another? If not, would you be open to this suggestion? And this person writes that they have a horse trainer who they think they would be a great guest. And of course, dogs and cats and goldfish and praying mantis and all the creatures count as well. I just find that horses have a certain spirituality about them. Thanks for all you do. For your listeners and the world. What a great question. I don't know if we have devoted, I think maybe early on, I would say within the first three months of recording this show, we had a segment where we kind of specifically talked about our pets as self-care.
Doree: Yes. This is ringing a bell.
Kate: And since then it's kind of been a conversation that I think we've woven into the podcast because I do think this is something that rings true for both Doree and me. But I would love to have a more dedicated conversation sometime. And I would welcome guest suggestions.
Doree: That would be great.
Kate: I have been riding again and it's been, I have to say, it's been fascinating because for the first time in my life I'm kind of connecting it to all my, I don't want to say childhood trauma, but I am working through a lot of stuff on the horse right now in ways.
Doree: Wow, okay!
Kate: that I never have before. Even when I took lessons a couple years ago and even then it was still kind of, I was still riding. I rode as a child, which was out of fear, afraid of making a mistake, afraid of disappointing the trainer. And this person that I'm working with now really called me out and they were like, you're riding, you're afraid you're going to mess up. And I'm not, I'm here to yell at you. It's between you and the horse. And so I'm undoing all the kind of ways in which I was made to feel as a kid. I'm asking "stupid questions" that I was always too scared to ask. Afraid of being Like I should have known them or I just, yeah, it's been a lot. It's been intense.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: This poor horse that this poor horse is like, what did I sign up for? I'm just here to give lessons. And you're working through your people pleasing issues on me. I mean, Yeah. I, I Even recently have been noticing the birds outside a lot more. I think the birds have been very happy here in Los Angeles because we've received a lot of rain. So they've been, I mean the birds have been just out there really making themselves
Doree: Interesting.
Kate: Have you noticed this?
Doree: It's funny you say this.
Kate: Oh, hello Bo. That was Doree's dog. I think we need to leave that in Doree because speaking of self-care there he is self-care personified.
Doree: He's really just going for it. This morning Henry was like, mama come outside. There's birds. He saw a bird in our driveway and wanted me to see just the birds.
Kate: Doree.
Doree: I know.
Kate: Come on.
Doree: I know.
Kate: And did you feel like it, you were able to see them in a new light or a more present way? Did you feel that youthful excitement over birds or were you just, come on, I need my coffee.
Doree: I mean the birds were there. We watched them for a minute. They went into our neighbor's yard.
Kate: It's really sweet.
Doree: Yeah, it was sweet.
Kate: Here's another animal thing that happened to me recently at my horseback riding lesson. So I'm riding it and my lessons are at night in the evening and they're outside and they're in Griffith Park here in Los Angeles, which is this beautiful huge chunk of land that we have here in LA. And I saw an owl walking back to the barn. I've never seen an owl in Los Angeles. I don't think I've ever seen an owl in the wild before. Have you?
Doree: I don't think I've actually seen an owl, but sometimes when I walk Henry to school we can hear what sound like really? Sounds like an owl.
Kate: Yes. I bet it is here in la
Doree: And he's always like, do you hear the owl
Kate: So present and so observant.
Doree: He really is. And he loves nature so it's very sweet.
Kate: Yeah. That was just another moment. I think also pets are self-care, but also just kind of experiencing the natural world and the animals. Especially when we live in environments that aren't like rural country environments. We have, obviously there's nature everywhere, but it was
Doree: Totally
Kate: Magical to see this little owl.
Doree: Oh, I love that.
Kate: Well we have a voicemail that's about not so magical animals.
Doree: Okay.
Voicemail: Hello Cat and Dor, I hope you are wonderful. I mean you are wonderful, but I hope you're doing wonderful. I need advice probably from the community and also I have ACO advice. I live in the Gulf Coast, AKA is the swamp and roaches freaks me out talking about it. Even it are not super uncommon. I also bought a year ago, bought a house kind of in the woods. So Roach Central, an older house. I get sprayed every three months. I'm not dirty. And they're tree roaches so they don't come in seeking food. They come in seeking water and also their big dumb. And I've seen a couple in my room, which is a converted attic upstairs and I'm working on saving up my money to get my old house resealed. But I'm trying to find ways, whether it's essential oils or I dunno, whatever to make me feel safe enough about. Cause those freak me out more than they probably should to make me feel safe enough that I can sleep upstairs again.
Because I love my house and I love my room, but currently can't sleep up there. It freaks me out so much. So I was wondering if any Gulf Coast listeners have any tips of anything that they have done for that or you guys I not coming out. Also recommendation. I've seen a lot of comments that the tree hut tropic glow is a dupe for. So De Janiro's bum bum cream. To me it smells more like bum bum cream And Hollister had a baby, which is delicious in its own way, but not exact. But the fireside flurries from Bath and Body Works smells absurdly like the bum bum. I put it on and was like, I have no idea how this combination of scents that includes lavender smells like this other scent. But it does. So also recommendation. I love you both. You were fantastic. Super excited about February 22nd. Ok, goodbye.
Kate: Before we discuss the roaches, I just need to say that I've always called it the Brazilian bum bum cream. And I realize I've never said it out loud or heard it said out loud. And I think I've been saying it wrong for a long time.
Doree: Interesting. Okay. Fair <laugh>.
Kate: It's spelled as we would say, bum as Americans. So I think that's why. But oops. Oops a doodles. I can't, this smell I can't handle. But I know people love this stuff, so I'm here for the dupe.
Doree: Yeah, me too.
Kate: And now on to the other topic,
Doree: The roaches. I mean, I have no real advice other than to call an exterminator.
Kate: Yeah.
Doree: It has nothing to do with being clean or dirty, by the way.
Kate: Thank you. That's a really important thing to point out. And I don't No essential oils.
Doree: Yeah, no essential oils.
Kate: They smell nice and they can make your room smell nice. And I know people use them for all sorts of things. Let's go in with the big guns here.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: Call your exterminator. I have, I get roaches sometimes. I don't get the big water bug. First of all, I hate, I don't mind insect insects and in fact sometimes I love them. But roaches I am absolutely terrified of especially the big ones. I've had some harrowing experiences with them flying into taxis and I just hate them.
Doree: Yikes.
Kate: So they will try to come inside my house often. I think it's when it gets cold, they try to come in and seek warmth. And I also have found one in my dishwasher and I call my trusty exterminator and he handles it and it, that's what I would highly recommend. Again, we don't live in the I the Gulf Coast. I know people in the more humid climates have some, you've got some real big bugs that toodaloot on into your homes. So let us know what you do to deal with them. And look, if you've grown to coexist, I'd be very curious because this is one area where I just, I can't do it. Spiders, I let live in my house. Roaches *shudders*
Doree: Yeah. No, that's a hard pass for me.
Kate: That's a tough one for me. All right Doree, let's take a little breaky break. We'll be right back.
Doree: All right. We are back and we have a text.
Text: Hello cat and Dor. First time, long time. I'm sitting at a cafe on a sunny Friday, Seattle afternoon with a gal pal of mine doing some work and helping her file for her new LLC go. Alicia, we took a minute to sidebar on under eye concealers we love and neither of us have found our holy grail then we thought of texting you. Do either of you have a favorite? We are 36 and both fighting Undereye bags, all concealers we've tried settle into our undereye wrinkles within an hour. We've also tried many undereye creams to help combat the issue. Do you or your listeners have any recommendations for Undereye concealers who overcome this issue? Is there a magical primer we can apply first, Magical Night Cream. Love you both and all you do. Thank you so much.
Kate: Well I have a little tale to tell. Oh, which is that I recently went to Sephora and I they did their little skin, not a quiz, they held up a gadget to my face to find the color of foundation that I would wear. And then we went around and tried a bunch of different foundations and the words of a little bird named Doree Shafrir were lingering in my ear. Oh wow. Which was IT Cosmetics. And I tried a bunch at Sephora and the ones I came to was it, I got their CC cream and their medium coverage foundation, which is all to say that I also use their under eye concealer, which Doree also I know uses. And that is what I would recommend.
Doree: I love the IT cosmetics bye-bye under eye.
Kate: That's like your holy grail you say.
Doree: I would say that,
Kate: Yeah. I also just recently bought the say Beauty Hydrick Beam. Wait, is that the one which I believe is an under eye concealer but it's not. It's kind of like a sheer brightener. It's not going to really, if you are feeling like you've got dark circles under your eyes and you want to really get in there, I like that it cosmetics bye-bye under eye.
Doree: If you want more of a sort of liquidy concealer. I know people like the tart shape tape. I prefer something a little more like a balm I guess. Tackier almost.
Kate: Yes. I've liked used Fenty Beauty and I also have really liked that one and that is a bit more liquidy.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: Do you use any sort of primer? All my primers are by Elf Cosmetics. I used their putty in, they're like heavier one.
Doree: I have not used a primer in a long time when I used to use primer. I really like the Benefit Cosmetics primer. I do think you have to be a little careful in the under eye area of layering on too many things because stuff does tend to accumulate.
Kate: You get those, the creases.
Doree: Yeah, I just wouldn't put too many products there personally.
Kate: And I think for stuff to help combat under eye circles, I mean look, I think our bags, I think a lot of this is genetic. It's just our skin, our bodies. I do think obviously sleep and drinking a lot of water and even just a little facial massage and just moving not the lymph but just moving under the area can help get things going. I don't think you need a magical night cream. I've been using Vanicream body cream on my face lately and I love it. I think it's more just kind of understanding that these are our bodies. Yeah,
Doree: Totally. Well Kate, should we listen to another voicemail?
Voicemail: Hi, thank you so much for your podcast. I've been listening for pretty much the entire time and I really just appreciate the community you've created and I calling in question for the community and I dunno if you would have any thoughts about this, but I'm getting ready to move in with my partner and both of us are in our forties and have never lived with anyone before. And I'm just thinking of all of the household that chores and just things that I want to discuss before we make this step. And I am somebody who likes a shoeless house and I don't know how reasonable or unreasonable that is, but when I'm over at people's homes, I don't even feel right stepping on their baths with my shoes. So I prefer it shoeless. And for me, I've been living in a small-ish apartment, so I'll usually have just small gatherings if I have people over.
And it's usually not a big deal for people to take off their shoes. But I'll be moving into his home, which is a little bigger. And he does like to entertain and I dunno, I wonder if people have thoughts about that. I know it's kind of controversial that the shoeless household, I read an article somewhere recently that was railing against people who have a shoeless house and I have a dog. So I realized that it doesn't make a whole lot of sense logically, I guess because the dog brings his paws in from the outside. But I dunno, should I get over this or should I insist on Sheila's house and also leaving the toilet seat up? Not sorry, not the seat. He doesn't do that. But the lid, I like to close the lid and I've gotten into the habit of it. because I feel like I actually close it before I flush.
Cause I feel like germs splash out it. So I'm not really a germophobe, although I guess I kind of sound like it. It's just habits that I've developed living alone for many, many years. So do I need to let this stuff go? Or is it something that we can, I can get him to do. Yeah, that's it. And then I obviously also love any advice for just moving in with a partner, what things to discuss, things to expect. I mean, obviously every relationship is different, but I want to do it right. So yeah, that's my voicemail. Thanks for listening and thanks again for the pause. Bye.
Kate: You had to talk to your partner and figure out what's going to work for both of you. And it's not ridiculous to want to have a shoe free house. Lots of people do. I'm not one of them, but you're totally within your right. You shouldn't, fuck that article. Just ignore all articles. <laugh>, do what you want. Like look, we're all, yeah, don't worry about whatever that's said. I think you need to just tell your partner what your boundaries are and what you're hoping for. And also then hear them out because it's going to be all about compromise. You're going to have to give and they're going to have to give And look early on in this podcast, at some point people were very upset because I had shelves over my toilet and they were freaking out that poop particles were going to fly out of the toilet when I flushed it. So you're not alone in wanting the toilet seat down when it gets flushed. These are all things that other people expectations, other people have to, it just is a matter of you and your partner kind of meeting each other halfway and figuring out what's going to realistically work for both of you. That's what I say anyway.
Doree: I think that's really good advice. I think also, and I'm not saying any of these are fall into this category, but I do think that there are going to have to be some things that you just let go of.
Kate: Yes. Which is life.
Doree: That which is life.
Kate: which life. And that is hard it to go from living alone to living with another person, whether that's a partner or a roommate or moving back in with a parents. Parents. Like whatever.
Doree: Totally. It's weird. Yeah,
Kate: It's weird.
Doree: But good luck. I mean it's exciting.
Kate: It is exciting. Totally. And I think you'll reach common, you'll reach common ground. And also the longer you all are living together, things will shift. You'll figure out what works for you.
Doree: Yeah, totally. All right, well Kate, let's take another break.
Kate: Okie Doke.
Doree: Alright, we are back and we have another voicemail on another topic.
Voicemail: Kate, I just wanted to give you a little pep talk about making friends with younger people. You said that you felt sort of uncool or just out, I guess not uncool, but out of the, with Gen Z. And I'm not Gen Z, I'm a millennial, but one of my closest friends is in her seventies, she's about my mom's age. And when I made friends with her, I was so intimidated. Cause she just is so fucking cool and has so much knowledge. Cause she's lived longer than I have. And she's done more shit. She's just in an interesting person. She is probably really cool and interesting at 20. And she also is her seventies. Very cool and interesting. And too, I bet people in their twenties would be really excited to be friends with you. And I have also approached women that I thought would be cool to be friends with who are 15, 20 years older than me and had them brush me off. And it was really, it made really sad. And I thought, okay, well I guess this will not be a friendship for us. So just know that I feel like I'm giving you advice about an animal in the forest. They're more afraid of you than you are of them. But truly you would make a great friend for someone in their yay for multigenerational friendships. They're so cool! Okay bye.
Kate: Aww what a Sweet message.
Doree: What a sweet message.
Kate: Thank you. I appreciate this. I will keep an open mind at an open heart to people of all ages, becoming my friends. I will say I posted a video on TikTok that a lot of people saw and someone told me, I was quote mother for it and I had to be like, I'm 43, can you just explain this? And they very thoughtfully were, it goes back to drag culture and queen culture from the seventies and eighties. And I was like, oh, thank you younger person for educating me. It was really helpful.
Doree: So funny. Yeah,
Kate: It was really sweet. oh my gosh. So I appreciate the Youngs for bearing with bearing with me also. I am very mother.
Doree: You are mother.
Kate: I am mother.
Doree: Okay. Last question.
Text: Okay, question. I keep thinking about asking you and finally taking the time to email. I thought I heard on a previous episode, one of you saying that using a toner and an exfoliant like a serum is too much at one time for your skin. Am I totally off, or is that right?
Kate: I think you're off. You can use a toner. I wouldn't use a liquid exfoliant and then another exfoliant on top of that.
Doree: But a toner, it just depends on the ingredients.
Kate: Yeah. I use a hydrating mist all the, every day all the time. So yeah, I would just, yeah, I think if you're putting a retinol on, I would wait. If you use a toner, wait until your skin is dry to put the retinol on. But I put the toner on and then I just put a vitamin C serum on with my face still kind of damp. So
Doree: I think that's legit.
Kate: Yeah, I think that was what we meant. Hopefully that helps clarify. Well, Doree,
Doree: Kate, it's been a pleasure.
Kate: I can't wait to talk more about horses and roaches with you.
Doree: <laugh>. All right, talk to you later.
Kate: Bye everybody.
Doree: Bye.