Mini-Ep 370: QVC and Clutter Culture
Kate gets influenced and de-influenced to buy and try new products and Doree is along for the ride. Then, listeners share their thoughts on clutter culture, vibrant butt care, and the calming power of QVC.
Mentioned in this Episode
To leave a voicemail or text for a future episode, reach them at 781-591-0390. You can also email the podcast at forever35podcast@gmail.com.
Visit forever35podcast.com for links to everything they mention on the show or shopmyshelf.us/forever35.
Follow the podcast on Instagram (@Forever35Podcast) and join the Forever35 Facebook Group (Password: Serums).
Sign up for the newsletter! At forever35podcast.com/newsletter.
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links.
Transcript
Kate: Hello and welcome to Forever35, a podcast all about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I am Kate Spencer,
Doree: And I am Doree Shafrir.
Kate: And we are not experts.
Doree: We're not, but we are two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.
Kate: I'm going to save it, but wait until I tell you about the middle of the night skincare meltdown. I had recently.
Doree: What?
Kate: I'm going to wait. Yeah, I'm going to save it. But just on the topic of serums, just know I've, I'm having a moment. That being said, this is a mini episode where we hear from you, we share your comments and thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability.
Doree: Please remember, we are podcast hosts. We're not experts, and we do always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Kate: If you would like to reach us, our voicemail and text number is (781) 591-0390, and our email is Forever35podcast@gmail.com.
Doree: And you can visit our website Forever35podcast.com for links to everything to mention on the show. We are on Instagram @Forever35podcast. You can also join the Forever35 Facebook group at facebook.com/groups/Forever35podcast. The password is serums and you can sign up for our newsletter at Forever35podcast.com/newsletter.
Kate: And also don't forget, we're having a live show on Wednesday, February 22nd at 5:00 PM Pacific, 8:00 PM Eastern. Tickets are $10 and they are available at moment.co/Forever35. The show's also going to be available on demand for a week, so you can get a ticket and just watch it whenever you want. We've got an after party happening right after the show where we're going to set some intentions, kind of like rehash, what just happened, and maybe also wash our faces.
Doree: Maybe we also wash our faces.
Kate: I'm just saying if you want to see us wash our faces, you might want to show up. Doree. I am in a full face of SAIE and merit makeup today.
Doree: Okay, tell me more.
Kate: I bought some new makeup. I was influenced by the influencer Jess Ann Kirby, who had posted about say S A I E makeup. It's been on my mind. I feel like I see a lot of people post about it and I wanted to try it. I wanted to take one for the team and try it out, and I like it. Okay. It's very minimalistic. I bought a bronzer that they have and then I tried to contour with it, but I've never contoured in my life. I just watch videos of people talking as do their makeup, and so I thought that would mean I would know what contouring is. Turns out I don't. But I did kind of put the bronzer on my forehead and then try to rub it in, but their makeup is, it's nice. It's a very light touch. And then the merit I did on my brow and the mascara, Caroline Moss and the G Thanks community. They are big Merit mascara fans. I always, Caroline influences me all the time, so I kind of want to just make this my daily makeup and hide all my other makeup. Have you been influenced by the de-influencing movement on TikTok at all?
Doree: I have not. Tell me more.
Kate: I mean, it's just people now de-influencing, so they're like, I can't wait to influence you. I'm going to tell you either what I felt like.
Doree: Oh. Yes, yes, yes. I have seen this. I have seen this. Yes. yes.
Kate: And so some of it is just people who, there was someone who worked at Sephora and Ulta and, and shared what products always got returned. There are some people who are sustainability influencers, for lack of a better word, but folks who are focused on less consumerism, et cetera, et cetera, talking about de-influencing. Then there are some people who are just like, you all fucking bought that Stanley Water bottle, stop buying it. By the way, I have it sitting here at my desk. Anyway, I, I was thinking about this idea of having just a little makeup kit and having that be it. So I'm playing around with some products right now and seeing what I, I still do my CoverGirl mascara.
Doree: Okay. This is exciting.
Kate: Yeah. So I'm in this face of makeup. I also did just want to mention again that I'm going to be at Strand Books in New York City on February 15th linked to ticket in the show notes. I keep forgetting to mention it, but I, I'm trying to get, encourage people to come see me on a panel about romance and give me some safe hugs. safe hugs.
Doree: And that's on, that's this Wednesday?
Kate: Yeah. Yeah. It's this Wednesday. I'm flying to New York tomorrow. That's also why I bought this makeup because I don't really have a ton of makeup to do my face when I want to do my face. Yesterday I watched a literal tween, maybe she was 13, get ready to go to a Bat mitzvah on a TikTok. And I was like, this person knows more about makeup and has more makeup than I do. What the fuck am I doing with my life? A literal child, I'm sure she's 13, but it was like, get ready with me Bat mitzvah edition. I'm going to my friend's bat mitzvah and I have to get my makeup done. And then this child just contoured her face and I was like, and has braces. And I'm like, I what?
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: Anyway.
Doree: Anyway. Wow.
Kate: So that's going on. I'm being influenced and being de-influenced, but I did buy some makeup and I like it.
Doree: I like the lipstick you're wearing.
Kate: Well, you know what that is, Doree.
Doree: What
Kate: Dootdootdoo Black.
Doree: Oh, by honey.
Kate: Honey By Clinique.
Doree: It looks great on you.
Kate: Well, we have been getting some listener suggestions for topics and products to cover on our new weekly episode, product Recall. And Black Honey has been mentioned a few times. I'm smoking it like a cigarette, so maybe we'll do black honey at some point.
Doree: Yes. We should totally do black honey at some point in clinic product.
Kate: Yeah, the history of it is interesting. I mean, it's an old product. It's been around forever and it looks good. I think it looks good on everyone. It's my theory. Doree, we did get a very sweet listener email from someone named Maya. They included their name. They said, I'm emailing today. They'll let you know. I've been listening since the beginning of the podcast and I am a forever fan. Although a 35th birthday is usually not that special. It feels special to me this year because it's my Forever35 birthday on February 9th. If I can get a happy birthday from Kate and Doree, that would be so great. Thank you for being a constant in my life for the last five years and beyond. Kind regards.
Doree: Aw, happy birthday
Kate: Happy 35th birthday. Way to go. Sorry we missed it. We're a few days behind because of our recording schedule.
Doree: It's true.
Kate: But we are celebrating with you. Welcome to this side of 35. It's great over here.
Doree: It does feel good over here.
Kate: Yeah. The water's warm. It's come on in. It's come. It's warm, but it's not going to burn your skin and it's clean water.
Doree: Totally, totally. Kate, should we hear a voicemail?
Kate: Yeah, pop this baby on.
Doree: Let's do this.
Voicemail: Hey, Kate and Doree I am calling because I was just listening to the episode about clutter. Well, sort of the closer of the episode about clutter, and I'm doing a little Sunday morning decluttering right now. And it just struck me, the thing that Doree said about systems, we need a system. Everyone has a system. Just reminded, I've heard those same words come out of my own mouth, and it just reminds me so much of diet culture and the way that I have felt at other times in my life about everyone just has a practice or a specific exercise routine or it's just that kind of aspirational system, jealousy that has been really bad for me in my life. And I've felt as my own relationship to my body has changed for the better, that some of that anxiety and striving has transitioned to cleanliness and order in the home. And I wonder if it's kind of a phase of life thing where I feel less expectation from others about how I look, but more about how my home is. And I don't know, it's just something that I want to start thinking about because it is a point of enormous stress and sometimes shame and embarrassment for me. And I don't think that serves me. I love having a clean workspace, the clean desk, but I'm not sure that all the pressure I put on myself to have perfect systems or a perfectly decluttered home is actually serving me, and I kind of wonder who it's serving. So anyway, thought I would share, and I love the podcast. Love y'all. You've gotten me through a lot of hard years, so I appreciate you.
Doree: Interesting.
Kate: Yeah. This definitely raises a lot of thoughts and feelings and questions for me because I do think there is this obsession with 'aesthetic', not just order and having a clean home or an organized home, but also how your home looks because everybody is so online. There is this feeling that, and this kind of goes with influencing, I think a little bit, but this feeling that like, oh, everybody's home is organized, clean and up to date on all the trends except for mine. And it can really do a number on the way you think about yourself. I see the parallel. I do see the parallel. I don't know if it's, I don't think you can compare diet, culture and or obsession, not clutter culture, but I don't know what you would call it, but there is some sort of interesting there. Do you think?
Doree: Yeah, I mean, this has been coming up a lot lately because of Julia Fox's apartment tour which she posted on TikTok recently. And her apartment is messy. And I think a lot of people, especially moms, found it very relatable and it's led to a lot of conversation around the presentation of homes on social media, especially mom influencers, homes on social media. I was reading Catherine Deser Morton's newsletter from The Cut, which is called Brooding, and her topic today was Who gets to be Messy?
Kate: Oh, that's interesting.
Doree: And it is very interesting. And she talks about how there's a hierarchy of acceptable messes, and here's how we see the patriarchy coming into it, because a lot of times, like brilliant are "allowed" to be messy, and women not so much, and intellectuals are allowed to be messy and other people not so much. So it's interesting, and I like that there is this conversation happening around mess and cleanliness.
Kate: It's also, I'm certainly rooted through the lens of racism as well. There must be that angle.
Doree: Yeah, I think so. I mean, I think this is also coming at an interesting time when Marie Kondo was recently in the news for saying that her house is messier now that she has three kids. And I don't know, I think people are just being more transparent about the struggle to not be messy, and how sometimes you just are messy and there shouldn't be a moral value judgment attached to it.
Kate: I think we should probably take a break.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: All right, Doree, we are back with a complex question from a listener in the UK.
Doree: All right, let's hear it.
Kate: Hi, Katen Doree. I have a situation I'd love your advice on. I think I need to break up with my village choir. I joined when I moved here, rural Northern England back in 2017 because I wanted to make friends in the community and I liked singing. The vast majority of members are older, retired folks, and I was the youngest member by at least 30 years. I didn't mind that and made one good friend in her seventies who sadly passed away last year. My issue now is that since the choir started meeting again, when Covid restrictions eased in my area, the whole vibe has changed. I no longer have anyone I'm friendly with in the choir, and my attempts to chat to people have been pretty obviously rebuffed. I even ran into someone on a walk recently who has been sitting by me for months and tried to say hi, and she pretty clearly had no idea who I was, which made me feel really bad. Now I'm wondering if these people can't even remember who I am. Why am I there? I'm not getting any of the social or community benefits. I want it out of this community. And it's also pretty expensive. It costs a hundred pounds a year to be a member. The standard of music is also pretty bad. I'm no perfectionist, but I'd be embarrassed to invite friends to a performance. Plus, there's a lot of messaging now about how 'younger' members need to be doing more to secure the future of the choir, which I resent because I think this just means me. I have a full-time job, which I don't think any of the current organizers do, so I really don't see why I should have to squeeze yet more unpaid labor into my life while they are retired. I guess I'd just love to know your thoughts on this, and if you or listeners have any advice on how to break up gracefully with an entire choir. The petty side of me would love to send them a long email detailing all the ways they've made me feel unwelcome and sidelined while simultaneously talking endlessly about the need to attract new younger members. But that's probably not the most constructive thing to do.
Doree: I think you can just quit. Am I missing something here?
Kate: Yeah, I don't think you need to even write a letter. You don't have to be in this choir.
Doree: Yeah,
Kate: I get the feeling you want to say something. Of course. How do you break up with your village choir? It seems like you're just like, Hey, I'm not going to be a member this year. Bye is the easy way to do it. But what I'm hearing is they've kind of hurt your feelings and you are trying to fig. You want to let them know as part of the flounce.
Doree: I personally do not recommend a flounce here.
Kate: When do you recommend a flounce?
Doree: Very rarely. Very rarely. Especially a flounce in writing because
Kate: Yes, because that will last forever.
Doree: That will last forever. You don't know where it could land. You don't want this forwarded throughout your village. I would caution against this. These people sound like annoying and you're not getting what you wanted out of it. So I think you can just, who I don't know, you would email who you would email. You can email, you said the, there's some current organizers. You can just say, I've decided to resign from the choir. Thanks so much for everything these last few years. And then if they ask you for more details, then I think you can say, I'd be happy to get on a phone call with you or meet in person to discuss and then you can tell them. You can give them a piece of your mind.
Kate: Excellent advice. I would also just say, we've all turned very weird after being isolated from each other for so long, and when we do interact, there is the constant fear of either getting sick or getting somebody else sick with covid. So I do think understanding that we've forgotten how to interact is something that could be at play here. And look, you could also go this route, which is find a bunch of young, find a bunch of young people or your friends an infiltrate the choir and make it to your own liking, but that requires effort. So you know, don't want to do that. I hear mean not just the unpaid labor, they're kind of wanting you to do about getting younger members, but I mean, just bring your own friends in and it take it over from the inside. Just another option, Just another idea. Oh, here's a text. Someone said to me, but I actually kind of Doree thought that you might have some insight on this. Someone listener wrote Hey, Kate, I'm listening to today's episode where you were discussing your vision board, and I love this relaxation journey for you. Don't you feel like living in that space of relaxation and gentleness is so difficult with an ADD brain and maybe perfectionism, people pleasing tendencies? I really relate to this. Yeah, I do actually. I'm not even sure I genuinely know how to relax or just actually genuinely be quiet, but I don't think, and I'm sure that is an experience that many folks with ADD can relate to, but I also think that other people who are neurotypical or neurodivergent other ways probably also have this, I mean, it's really hard for any of us to relax right now. Do you find it easy, Doree
Doree: To relax?
Kate: Or just to give yourself, allow yourself space to take time to do nothing?
Doree: No. I mean, it's hard,
Kate: Right?
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: I think it's really, really hard. There is, at least for me, there's a feeling of either I'm wasting time or I'm selfish.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: So listener, I think totally hear you on this and it is really hard for me to wind down and I bet lots of people feel this way. So thank you for connecting.
Doree: All right. Here is another text. Growing up, I was always someone that needed a dark room and just the white noise of the window, air conditioning, and I couldn't have any other sounds in my bedroom. But then when I had kids and I was on maternity leave, I wanted something to be on for all of those late night fe feedings and just constantly getting up in the middle of the night. And at first I was doing Netflix, but I didn't like that because it stops in the middle and asks if you're, asks if you're still watching. And so a couple of years ago I discovered qvc, and it's perfect because the volume of the channel stays the same. There's no flashing for commercials or from going from scene to scene, and the content stays the same. So it's not like you're going to wake up in the middle of the night and something else is going to be on that's louder or more colorful or have a laugh track or somebody yelling or crying. And especially during the holidays, they have the studio all decorated, and so it gets you in a festive mood. Sometimes I do the Food network or H G T V two, but with my streaming service, there are still ads sometimes, but not with QVC or H S N, it's always there for me, just like you two have been.
Kate: I love this. QVC is kind of the original TikTok.
Doree: Oh, interesting.
Kate: Because they, they're scroll themselves. Every new product is essentially a swipe, and I think it has the same dopamine hit feeling to it. Just reading this made me feel very soothed, and I couldn't tell you the last time I watched QVC or H S N, but it made me immediately want to watch both of those things.
Doree: Totally. Well, you know.
Kate: I'm sorry. go ahead.
Doree: You know what, Matt, so Matt watches my husband, Matt watches a lot of YouTube, and what he discovered recently is on YouTube, it just got on YouTube within the last few weeks, is the new Yankee workshop with Norm Abram.
Kate: Oh my God. Oh my God. This brings me to my childhood.
Doree: Now, that is soothing
Kate: Similar as like Bob Ross, right?
Doree: Yes. Yeah. And I mean, for us being from Massachusetts, there's like a comforting new Englandy aspect Boston accent. It's kind of fun and it's a very calming, it's very slow, you know what I mean? And if you have YouTube premium, I think it's called, there's no commercials, and you can just put
Kate: Sounds good.
Doree: You can just put the channel on and let it play and play and play
Kate: Something about it, about these, I don't know what you would call it, non-fiction kind of TV content that feels like company in a way that I think sometimes scripted TV does not feel.
Doree: That's interesting. It kind of feels
Kate: It kind of feels like he's keeping you company as he just like,
Doree: yeah, totally
Kate: sands some wooden tables.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: Have you ever bought anything off of QVC or online like that? H S N? I don't think I have.
Doree: I feel like I, because you can also buy something from their websites, and sometimes their prices are cheaper. I feel like our Vitamix is from QVC, but Matt bought it.
Kate: Well, they've got a good deal on a Dyson right now, Dyson vacuum, so I'm, I will a hundred percent be checking Q V C.
Doree: Yeah, they often have good deals, so
Kate: Oh my God, this is fascinating. Fryer with Alberti and Amy featuring Jason Maraz. I could watch that. All these shows look great over 50 and Fabulous Women with Control. Okay, wait a second. Is that Kim Catrell? No, I think that's just another woman. Okay. Sorry, I got out of hand here. All right, let's take another break Doree.
Doree: Okay, let's do that. Okay. We are back and we have another voicemail, so let's hear that.
Voicemail: Oh my gosh, you guys, I had to call in, pause the pod and say, first of all, thank you for the laugh always, but particularly on this really gray wintry day when you send, there are billions of vibrant people walking around the earth with hemorrhoids has just made my day. I am one of the billions of people walking around that ist and also has hemorrhoids. Here's the, I'm also rounding the corner, my third trimester of my first pregnancy and have been for, I don't know, months freaking ahead about my care leading up to and post specifically postpartum. And I feel like the conversation around butts just doesn't happen enough because whenever ask a care provider or even my doula about it, and I'm like, I'm specifically asking for things that can help to not make the butt apocalypse situation worse, postpartum slash in labor, what? And maybe that's just not a thing. Maybe there's no preventative, I don't know. But anyway, I keep getting all this advice about Karen, I'm like yess. I have a regimen, Kate, the preparation H suppositories and wipe are amazing. I have a whole routine. Some sits baths of whatever, but I'm like, it's already bad. Is it going to get worse? I'm freaking out. Okay, this is turning into a whole thing. Thanks, letting me, but really, truly thank you for being a safe place to talk about, butts
Kate: You know.
Doree: We are.
Kate: We are. But I think you have really kind of opened up a new level of this conversation. In talking about colonoscopies. You were getting a, yeah, I think you listener brought it up and you kind of initiated a deeper conversation. This is your butt contribution. I tend to be like the butt obsessed person, but I do feel like you're chiming in here about colonoscopies, and we've received so many messages about getting them, about the preventative care, about folks getting colon cancer younger and younger and I just think it's really glad that we're having this conversation. So thank you to you listener, and you, Doree.
Doree: Oh well, thank you so much, Kate. We got another text about colonoscopies. This listener wrote texting in about colonoscopy pills. I got a colonoscopy in August using the pills for prep, and honestly loved it, which feels like a weird thing to say about the whole thing. You just drink a lot of water and take the pills. I will say it is a lot of pills, two phases of 12 pills, but it only took me five or 10 minutes to take the 12 pills each time sipping with water. Also, as someone who got a colonoscopy at age 34 due to gastrointestinal issues last year in Helen Peterson, posted a whole article chronicling her experience, and honestly, I found it and the comments so helpful as someone who didn't know anything about colonoscopies. Also, now, I'm always willing to talk about it with friends because I'm at the age where most of my friends haven't had them or might be going in for their first one. Colonoscopies and bodies are so cool.
Kate: I mean, that's a very nice spin on colonoscopies. They're cool.
Doree: It is. I mean, I feel like maybe people are becoming colonoscopy influencers.
Kate: Well, what an important thing to influence on, honestly, as we talk about influencing and de-influencing at the top of this episode.
Doree: Yes,
Kate: I truly can't think of anything more important than influencing people to get colonoscopies. Get mammograms. Advocate for yourself and your health. Look, you and I are both people who have been impacted by loved ones having cancer, and I think the more you fucking know.
Doree: Yeah, for sure, for sure.
Kate: Well, soap boxed,
Doree: We have soap boxed. It's been great soap boxing with you.
Kate: It has, and inside my soapbox is some nice soap.
Doree: Oh yeah. What kind of soap, Kate?
Kate: Just like a homemade kind of thing with essential oils. Maybe some chunks of lavender. Ooh, some goat milk.
Doree: You made it yourself.
Kate: Yeah, I made it myself here in my farm, in my perfect kitchen.
Doree: That's so great for you
Kate: Everybody. Thank you for listening.
Doree: Bye.