Mini-Ep 356: Weird Bird Phase
Kate and Doree hear from listeners about their pleasant Forever35 dreams, Henry’s tiny chair, advice for staying in touch with long distance friends, and recommendations for sleepwear that’s almost as good as sleeping naked.
Mentioned in this Episode
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Transcript
Kate: Hello, friends. Welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Kate Spencer.
Doree: And I am Doree Shafrir.
Kate: And we're not experts.
Doree: No. But we are two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.
Kate: And this is a mini episode where we hear from you, we share your comments and your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability.
Doree: Please do remember, we're not experts. We're podcast hosts. We always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Kate: If you wanna reach us, our voicemail and text number is (781) 591-0390 0390? I said that right? And our email is forever35podcast@gmail.com.
Doree: And you can visit our website forever35podcast.com for links to everything we mentioned on the show. We're on Instagram @Forever35podcast. We have the Forever35 Facebook group and all the spinoffs. You can also sign up for our newsletter, forever35podcast.com/newsletter, and you can shop all of our fave recommended prods at shopmy.us/forever35.
Kate: Well, Doree, let's hop right in, shall we hop? hippity hop?
Doree: Let's hippity hop.
Kate: So we got a very sweet voicemail from a listener who had a dream, a forever35 dream, and the dream world that this listener describes. Sounds delightful. So just wanted to share this with everybody.
Doree: All right, here we go.
Voicemail: Hi, Kate and Doree. This is my first time calling. I had to call because I just woke up from the most amazing dream. I jumped that I was at a forever35 convention kinda thing in Chicago, and I walked into this amazing hotel ballroom, and they had all of these stations with makeup products and skincare lines, and I gotta do a face mask and a face wash. And then I was putting on makeup and you guys were there. And my best forever35 listener friends were there. And it was wonderful. And the only bad part about it was that I had to wake up and realize that it wasn't real. Anyway, hope you would enjoy this. Hope you had wonderful post Thanksgiving dreams, and you're the best. Thanks for everything you do. This is Nattie bye.
Kate: Oh, this feels like when I had a dream that Harry Styles were in, really, he and I were in a loving relationship. Wasn't like a sexy dream. It was more just like this tender dream in which we were partners. It's kinda like that. Yeah. And then I woke up and I look, I'm turned over. And I was like, well, I'm happy with the person I have. But Harry was really loving in the dream.
Doree: Well, that's really nice. I'm glad he was so loving. in your dream. Sounds like he's an amazing in your dream boyfriend,
Kate: Dream partner. Who knows what he is like in IRLs. But he was great. I mean, this is so sweet. This is kind of how I imagine were there ever to be a real life gathering what it would be. We're all just kind of doing masks and hanging out in a ballroom.
Doree: Yeah. Yeah. I guess
Kate: Mean, let's send it out into the universe. See what happens.
Doree: Okay. Let's try to manifest this
Kate: Deal. All right. Doree, next up, we have a books.I can't talk today. A book box recommendation for you.
Doree: Well, and just to remind everyone, I had asked for mystery book subscription boxes. Cause I mean, to be fair, I had not done an extensive search, but there didn't seem to be anything that immediately caught my eye. But here we go.
Speaker 4: Hi, my name is Irene. I'm just calling in response to Doree's most recent statement about looking for a mystery book subscription or collection. And her not being able to find a good one on the gift guide episode. There is fantastic local small business in Thomasville, Georgia. The bookstore is called The Bookshelf in Thomasville, Georgia. And the owner, Annie Jones, does a great book podcast where she kinda goes in detail of everything she reads every month. Her staff is very charming, her looks amazing. But anyway, her bookstore does specifically curated subscription services. So they can either put together a box for you based on your preferences, or you can pick which staff member who's reading interest most closely aligned with yours. And they'll automatically ship you a book every single month, which is really fun. And Annie is Taste is impeccable. I always find that her books are amazing that she recommends. So something to consider. You're interested in that. Her podcast is called From the Front Porch and then the bookstore is called The Bookshelf at Thomasville, Georgia. Okay. Bye
Doree: Okay. The Bookshelf at Thomasville, Georgia
Kate: So, Annie is a great Instagram follow. I'm just going to toot my own horn here and say that she read and recommended In A New York Minute and talked about it on the podcast. So I really trust her recommendations.
Doree: Well, well well, Kate,
Kate: But her podcast is really, really delightful. It has, I think we have quite a few listeners who listen to it. There's a nice kind of calming energy to it that I think occasionally we also bring to the table, thus the overlap. Yeah. And I mean, what's better than supporting an independent bookstore?
Doree: I mean, not much.
Kate: Nothing else.
Doree: So this is interesting. On their website, it does not appear that their subscription thing is active. Oh, no. So I'm wondering if,
Kate: Oh no,
Doree: It's still a thing.
Kate: All right. But anyway, let's find out.
Doree: We'll find out. Let's find out. Thanks for the wreck. And yeah, we actually, we got a few other recommendations for bookstores. There are some indie bookstores that do this, which was cool. Yeah. So thank you for all those recommendations.
Kate: Well, Doree, a listener also had this question for you. Well, first they said, will never not think about the pod while brushing my teeth at the office. To which I say, great. That's what we want here on this show.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: We want you to hear our voices in your head as you stick a rub away, standing over that office sink. Oh. But then they also asked, I still want a tiny chair update, please. And this has nothing to do with me. This has to do with you.
Doree: Well, should we remind everyone what this is in reference to?
Kate: Let's refresh the mines. Okay. Take it away.
Doree: So my husband was going to Vegas with a friend, and he asked Henry, my son if he wanted anything in Vegas. And Henry said, a tiny chair,
Kate: So specific, so neat.
Doree: It was so specific and so random. Matt did not return with a tiny chair. Much to my chagrin. I think by that point, Henry had forgotten about it,
Kate: So he didn't hold onto this.
Doree: He has not held onto it. He has never again requested a tiny chair.
Kate: Stop. It's never come up?
Doree: It's never come up. I don't, don't know where this came from.
Kate: Wow. No, but he was never like, oh, I read about a tiny chair. Bluey has a tiny chair. There was no connection to,
Doree: Well, this was before he started watching Bluey, I think, which he's now very into. I think he was already watching Mickey Mouse, the extended Disney Jr. Mickey Mouse universe. But I don't recall any tiny chairs. I don't know where he got this from. They have a dollhouse at school. Maybe he saw a tiny chair in a dollhouse.
Kate: I can't remember how I revealed this to if I revealed this to you or on the podcast, but we have a tiny chair in our house. It's like a thing in our house.
Doree: Well, you mentioned this
Kate: Okay.
Doree: You mentioned this after the whole tiny chair situation. And I was like, oh, interesting. We do not have a tiny chair.
Kate: Yeah. We have a tiny chair that Anthony has had since before we started dating, which we started dating in 2003. This is a tiny chair that he bought as a gift for someone that he kept for himself. And now a tiny chair is, that's what we call it. And it's displayed proudly in our home. So if Henry ever wants to come check one out, it is a cute, like a chair for a good sized doll.
Doree: Wow. This is so interesting.
Kate: Tiny chair. Yeah. Just ask Anthony and the next time you see him, just be like, how's tiny chair? We don't even call it the tiny chair. It's name is. It's just tiny chair.
Doree: It's just tiny chair.
Kate: It's tiny chair. Yep. Yep.
Doree: Wow. Okay.
Kate: Yeah. The weird things that we have every, doesn't every family have kinda weird, quirky tchotchkes that are just unique to their own family vibe?
Doree: Oh, for sure. For sure. Yes.
Kate: I'm trying to think of what I had growing up that would qualify. I mean, we had a stuffed chicken that sat by the front door of our house. I don't know.
Doree: Were your parents, you how some people would collect frogs, or pigs or something? Were your parents, were either of your parents into that kind of thing?
Kate: My mom loved birds before it was cool to love birds. You know how it became very twee kind of when we were all Zooey Deschanel ing in the mid auts
Doree: Yes. I really wanted, I really wanted a sparrow tattoo for a long time.
Kate: Yeah. We all had, there was a weird bird phase.
Doree: I'm really glad I didn't do that.
Kate: Yeah. I can't imagine you now with a sparrow tattoo.
Doree: No shade to anyone who has a sparrow tattoo. But anyway,
Kate: I mean, I have a butterfly tattoo anyway. Yes. Story my mom collected. My mom has always loved birds. And she always had little, she was like a little treasure collector. My mom also collected dead bugs. Like the dead beetle shells. Yeah. She loved insects. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. You? Did you?
Doree: No. My parents were not really collectors.
Kate: They had none of those tiny praying angels that people have. What are those little angels, precious moments?
Doree: No, that's not really a Jewish thing.
Kate: Jewish people didn't have tiny angels all over the house?
Doree: Nope. No, they don't. Well, on that note, let's take a little break.
Kate: Okie.
Doree: All right. We are back, and we have yet another voicemail.
Speaker 4: Hey Kat and Dor. Long time. Long time. I have a question, maybe more for Doree, but Kate, feel free to weigh in too. Okay. So a year ago right before the holiday season, I had gotten a huge promotion and raised at work. I had started dating someone who was really into me, and we were excitedly introducing each other to our friends and family. Things were going really well at the end of 2021. Fast forward to this year that relationship ended recently, and I have been pretty heartbroken about it. Work has been pretty tough and the raise that I got last year is certainly not going to happen this year, thanks to the state of the economy. And my family has been fighting a lot. And as such I have been forced to attend a friend's Thanksgiving instead of a family Thanksgiving because of all the toxicity there. And all that to say is that I'm going into this holiday season feeling really sad.
I don't wanna decorate. Usually I bake everybody these really great cookies that I spend all day making. I just don't have the energy. I can barely show up to things right now without feeling just crushed. I have an awesome therapist who is helping me a lot. I work out every day. I make sure to just count my blessings where I can. But I'm just curious Doree, in times when you were single and really going through it in your thirties, how did you survive the holiday season? Cause this year, I just wanna crawl into bed and emerge on January 1st. So any advice that you could give me would be hugely helpful. And shout out to my forever35 girls, Morgan and Amanda, if you do end up playing this. And if not, your voices just always give me a lot of happiness. So thank you. All right. Bye.
Kate: Oh, hi Morgan and Amanda.
Doree: Well, I mean, this was always tough. I also wanna make it clear that I had some depressing holidays when I was partnered. Just you know.
Kate: Very good points.
Doree: Being partnered does not necessarily make for happy holidays. But yes,
Kate: Mean, I Say it again, Doree. I mean, yeah.
Doree: But I do think that there is something especially hard, especially as you get into your thirties and if you're the only single one in your family, for example, that can be a challenging.
Yeah. I mean, I think that leaning on friends at this time is a good idea. And also, you don't have to participate in anything you don't want to. I live, if you don't wanna do holidays because you think they're going to be too stressful, then don't do them. And that's okay. I don't know. Take care of yourself. But I will say there were some times, and I feel like I still do this, where in advance I will be like, I'm not, I'm not going to go home for X, Y, Z holiday, and then the holiday comes and I'm like, oh, I wish I'd gone home. You know what I mean? So I don't know. I don't have Great, a great answer for you, Kate. What else?
Kate: Well, I'm glad that this listener said they have a therapist. I mean, listener, you sound like you're going through depression, and I just wanna make sure we're flagging that and that that's something you're talking to your therapist about. And just remind you that if it's an option for you, that medication might also help. And it doesn't need to be, it can be a long-term solution. It can be a short-term solution. Doesn't be either or. But that to me, that just stuck out is that is another way of caring for yourself. And I wouldn't hesitate. I would encourage you to bring that up.
I guess my response is similar to you Doree, which is you don't have to, you can opt out. You can opt out. But I would also say, if you're really struggling, which it sounds like you are, to let friends know, you don't have to say I, you know, don't even have to have them do anything. But I think it's just valuable for, and we're going to talk more about friendship actually after this, but just to check in with the people in your life who you do have really strong relationships with, and just say, I'm struggling right now. I just want you to know, it helps me to tell you. I just think it's always good to have people aware of where you are. And so if you have the energy to do that, I think it's worth it.
Doree: Oh, I think that's such good advice
Kate: And good. We'll be thinking of you. It's really hard. Really. The holidays are fucking hard for so many reasons. And they're trigger central for so many reasons.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: We all have our own things that get set off during this time of year, so I see you
Doree: Totally, totally.
Kate: Well, here's an email that we received from a listener asking for some thoughts on friendship. They wrote to us. I'm so lucky to have made amazing friends in college, graduated in 2010 and graduate school, graduated in 2015. But I'm not good at staying in touch with them. Lately, I've been feeling so guilty. Every time I think about how much I've neglected these friendships, I think they're still reasonably intact. We see each other at weddings, occasional visits to each other's towns, et cetera. But I'm missing the everyday parts of friendships, especially since I'm struggling to cultivate new friendships in my current town. I know I need to just pick up the phone and call, but I feel so nervous and anxious about it that I very, very seldom do it. Then I feel even more guilty for not calling, which really only amplifies my nervousness. I think I'm worried about picking up the phone and realizing that we've drifted away from each other. We're not as close as we once were, or simply not having enough to talk about. I didn't have a texting plan on my phone until 2012. How have all my social phone skills dissipated? Do you have any advice for staying in touch with long distance friends?
Doree: This is hard, but I mean, I think you just, you kind of said it. You do just kind of have to do it. You could also, sometimes I will set appointments to have phone conversations with friends instead of just picking up the phone and calling. Oh, sometimes I will just pick up the phone and call. But yeah, sometimes I'll like, I'll be like, Hey, we haven't talked in a while. Let's talk this week or something and we'll make a date to talk.
Kate: Love it.
Doree: So maybe try that. I think also real honesty around this stuff is often helpful. A text that's like, Hey, I know I haven't been the best at staying in touch, and I really wanna try and change that, and I miss you. I think is really powerful. If I got that text from someone, I would be like, oh my God, yes. I miss you too. Yeah. No one has sent me that text, but you know.
Kate: I'll send it today.
Doree: We never talk anymore. We only do this podcast.
Kate: I can really relate to the anxiety spiral that this listener has. I think quite a few people have this. The feeling of you lose touch, or you didn't do something, or you didn't respond to an email or a message, and then you feel this shame or guilt or embarrassment that you didn't do it. So then you're too embarrassed to respond. So then it just gets prolonged, and then time ticks on, and then it's longer, and then you feel embarrassed by, it's like it's a very vicious cycle. And so I just wanna acknowledge that because I have been plagued by that to the point where it has ended friendships for me.
Doree: Wow.
Kate: Where I'm so racked with guilt and shame. Yeah. Yeah. It might be a people pleaser thing, but it is definitely a very real and debilitating feeling. And so I just wanna say, I see you. So my suggestion would be to, I don't know why you need to call. Why don't we do this on your own terms? And for this, I would say write some letters. And if you have access to a computer or a word processor, type the letter. Because unless you're a hand writer, but for me, the easiest way for me to write is to type something. So this gives you all the power. It gives you control over the conversation. The thing that you're nervous about, not having anything to talk about, et cetera. You're not having a phone conversation. You can say all the things that you've expressed to us that you wanna say and pop it in the mail.
Doree: This is great advise.
Kate: You can even do it over email too. But I think a letter is, it's very intentional.
Doree: Yes. This is great advice, Kate.
Kate: This to me, you can edit the letter. You can choose whether or not you send it. I just think a letter is the way to go. Your friends will appreciate it.
Doree: I love this.
Kate: So that would be my suggestion for you. It sounds like you don't wanna text or talk on the phone, and I would do what Doree said and say, speak your truth. These are people who care about you. You can say, I'm feeling awkward, and I'm sorry. And I'm trying to navigate these feelings. And the first step is me reaching out and trying to commit to being better about reaching out. That's it. You've got this. I believe in you so deeply.
Doree: Kate just gave you a great pep talk.
Kate: Well, geez, thanks. I guess I just can so empathize. I truly, I truly did this with an actual two human beings when I was a teenager. I was like, yeah. I mean, this has happened to me before. I mean the feeling of, I'm so embarrassed that I've have been out of touch, that I literally ghost even harder, even though that's not what I wanna be doing. It's a very confusing thing, but that's why I have a therapist.
Doree: Kate lets take another break. Yeah. Okay. We'll be right back.
Okay. We're back with an email. Hi, Kate and Doree. My husband and I have been together for over 16 years. Soon after we started dating, we started sleeping naked together every night. Not always in an overtly sexy way, just because we liked the level of physical connection being naked together creates. We now have a young toddler and another baby on the way, and I'm realizing that we're probably going to have to start covering up a bit once our kids get a little older slash aware and start coming into our room after nightmares, et cetera. While my husband can easily just sleep in his boxers, I need recommendations for what to wear to sleep. I sleep very hot, so I'm thinking maybe some kind of lightweight tank and shorts combo. Any particular brands or cooling fabrics you recommend? Thanks in advance.
I do. I have a fancy recommendation, and I have a not so fancy recommendation. My fancy recommendation is Lunya
Kate: Mm-hmm.
Doree: Because they make a tank, a silk pajama tank and shorts set.
Kate: I've slept in those.
Doree: That I think would be perfect for you. It also comes in, you can also get it in a short sleeve shirt if you don't want a tank top. And then there's a V-neck tank top and there's a button up shirt, short combo. They have different combos depending on what your level is and when your level of comfort is. And I find their pajamas to run nice and cool.
Kate: Yeah, they definitely run cool. For sure. I concur.
Doree: That would be my splurge, my splurge recommendation. And then my budget recommendation would be the Stars Above line from Target.
Kate: Yes. That's also my budget recommendation. I fucking love Stars Above.
Doree: Stars Above is great. They shame shamelessly, knock off every expensive athleisure pajama brand. I'm looking at their stuff and I recognize these fuzzy pants are a skims knockoff. These are an EJ knockoff <laugh>, just like, okay. But they have this floral print, satin pajama, Cammy, and a matching set of shorts, and they're $12.99 each. So that could be a good option for you. Kate, did you have other suggestions?
Kate: It's so funny. So I was also going to mention Stars Above, because I do love Stars Above.
Doree: Stars Above. I mean, stars Above is just so great.
Kate: It's a classic. My favorite pajamas that I wear, my favorite short set is by Eberjey. I really, it's really comfy. I tend to run, I'm always cold. So right now I'm wearing basically a snowsuit to bed, but I think the Eberjey, I also love a night shirt or a sleep shirt or a night. Oh, like a short nightgown. I find those to be very comfortable. Okay. Without the challenge of a pant. And I also love skims pajamas. I have a pair of skims. I have a couple pairs of skims PJs that I really like, and I find them very, I have this lemme see if I can pull it up real quick. I have this sleep set from Skims that's just kind of a cropped tank top, and some, for lack of a better word, boy shorts. And they're very basically nothing and very comfortable. So I believe actually they're called the boyfriend boxer. I love those. So skims is, I will say, I don't love Kim, but I like Skims. And then I haven't tried Lake pajamas, but I feel like they're always recommended. And now I'm looking at their website and I wanna buy a nightgown. So their PJs also seem cute and light.
Doree: Great suggestion.
Kate: All right. Well, Doree, rounding out the episode. We have a text message. Had to pause the pod. My heart went out to the listener who just called in about having two young kids and was struggling. I was there a few years ago, and my kids are spaced about 20 months apart. Even with a fully engaged partner, it's really hard. Something that helped me is to fight for me time. Ask your partner to remind you to make a time for yourself. If you forget or let other priorities take hold, pick a few hours once a week that you can be away and make it sacred. It took practice to put myself first occasionally, but now it's a muscle that's stronger. Hang in there. Yeah. I mean, it's really hard. It's hard with work. It's hard with maybe not having a partner. I think this one listener did, but do you know, we talked about this on the show, a very early guest, Priyanka. I remember her specifically talking about, I think she had weekly me time. That was just for her.
Doree: She did mean this was when she still only had one kid when she was talking about this. But the principal still stands.
Kate: Yeah. Yeah. So I think definitely carving it out and making it consistent the same time every week, if that's possible. I also think helps you stick to things.
Doree: I like that.
Kate: Very tough. Very tough. Me time is hard.
Doree: It's really hard.
Kate: It's really hard. Yeah. But don't make it, we time. Make it me time. I just pulled that one outta my butt. But it works.
Doree: Amen.
Kate: It works.
Doree: Well, Kate, it's been a pleasure as always.
Kate: Indeed. We will talk to you all later.
Doree: All right, bye.