Mini-Ep 336: Good Tub Grub
Kate and Doree reminisce about haircuts circa 2012 and hear from listeners about how to deal with a snoring partner, eating popcorn in the tub, and wearing the same dress for 100 days.
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Transcript
Kate: Hello and welcome to Forever 35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Kate Spencer,
Doree: And I am Doree Shafrir.
Kate: And we are not experts.
Doree: Now we are two friends who like to talk a lot about serums,
Kate: And this is a mini episode where we hear from you and we share your comments and your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability.
Doree: But please do remember, we are podcast hosts. We're not experts, and we always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Kate: If you wanna reach us, our voicemail and text number is 7 8 1 5 9 1 0 3 9 0, and our email is forever 35 podcast gmail.com.
Doree: And we have website Forever 35 podcast.com which has links to everything we mention on the show. Twitter is forever 35 Pod Instagram. It's forever 35 podcasts. We have a Facebook group, Password to Serums. We have a newsletter forever five podcast.com/newsletter. You can also shop all the products that we mention on our show at shop my.us/forever 35. And just another shout out to our balance bound Forever 35 merch collab. You can get the stickers, the notepads, the DO'S Hotel set. It's the pencils. Oh my gosh, the pencils. I feel like we haven't talked about the pencils enough.
Kate: We haven't honored them.
Doree: We haven't honored the pencils.
Kate: I mean, the pen, a pencil is a perfect thing that in its birth state, like unused state, it's like the perfect specimen. Do you know what I mean? The fresh untouched eraser and the smell of the wood and the lead.
Doree: I also love a pencil with a saying on it.
Kate: <affirmative>. I do too. A witty pencil. A witty
Doree: Pencil, Exactly. A witty pencil.
Kate: I have mine right here. They're so pretty. I love them. And we're really like, we should use pencils more and give ourselves space to make mistakes in a race. Ooh,
Doree: Okay, love that.
Kate: Just food for thought. I feel like when you become an adult, you just become a pen person and we should all be pencil people just saying,
Doree: Wow, food for thought. Just saying. So pick up your quotable pencil set from the river 35 collection, $12 for five pencils. It's a great deal. All right. Anyway, Kate, I have some big news.
Kate: I'm here for it, obviously. I mean, this is my job, but yes, I'm here for it.
Doree: Also, I just wanna preface this by saying that we are recording ahead a bit because I am going away and then Kate's going away. And so there's just like, there's a little bit of time shifting happening. So I know
Kate: We could record this and something could happen in between the recordings. Yes. Between the recording and this coming out.
Doree: That wasn't Yes. But also I feel like that wasn't what you were talking about. The fact No, <laugh>, what I was gonna say is I feel like I've been talking about the fact that I'm going away for three weeks and yet still have not gone as of this recording, <laugh> <affirmative>. I mean actually you have in three weeks worth of episodes. Yes, exactly. But when this airs, I will have already returned. In fact, I will have been back for a week. But the other day I was thinking about my old hairdresser in New York and I was like, Huh, I wonder if he's even, I wonder if his salon is still open. What's he up to? <laugh>? And so I checked it out, his salon is still open, appears to be bustling. And I was like, You know what? I'm gonna see if I can get my hair cut while I'm in New York, cause I'm going to New York. I feel like I've mentioned that. Maybe I haven't. And I called yesterday, he answered the phone <laugh>, which I was like, Oh, hello. Okay. And I was like, Hi. So I'm an old client of yours from 10 years ago. And then I was like, I moved to la. That's why I stopped coming in <laugh>. Not like I haven't seen you for 10 years because I was seeing someone else, but now I wanna come back. So I felt like I had to be like, I moved.
And actually I remembered cuz I used to go back and forth to New York much more frequently. And I remembered once trying to make an appointment with him and it got canceled. They canceled it for some, I don't remember why. It was like, Oh, he is not gonna, he's actually gonna be on vacation, or something happened and I wasn't able to go. And then I just kind of dropped it. But I was like, You know what? Let me see. I'm not gonna be in town for that long, but maybe he can squeeze me in. And he was like, How's Friday at two 30? And I was like, You know what? That's perfect. I will see you then.
Kate: Wow. Yes. Wow.
Doree: So I'm so curious to see how this goes. It kind of reminds me of, this is a little far afield, but bear with me. So many years ago, my family, I think it was just my mom and the kids, I don't think my dad was there. We visited my grandparents who lived in south Florida and we were taking a road trip to Sarasota on the other coast. My parents, my grandparents lived on the east coast of Florida and Sarasota was on the west coast of Florida. And for a couple days before we left, all my grandfather would talk about was this restaurant that we were gonna go to. And the duck that he had eaten there,
Kate: <laugh>,
Doree: Sorry, I don't know, go on. 15 years ago or something like that was his, oh my God. Abiding memory of Sarasota that there was some restaurant and we had made a reservation and we were gonna go and he was gonna finally be able to eat this duck that he had been fantasizing about for years. And then of course we get there, he has the duck and he's like, Oh, it was fine,
Kate: Don't worry.
Doree: And it's become this sort of running joke. My grandparents have passed away a few years ago, so they're not even alive anymore. But it has become this running joke in my family of all you have to say is I'll remember papa in the duck. And it's like everyone knows exactly what you're talking about
Kate: <laugh>.
Doree: And it's just become this marker of something that you have built up in your mind that in reality is not that good <laugh>, but you have
Kate: This, Oh my God,
Doree: You have this memory of it. And I'm sure we all have those things of course. And yes, of course we are not always disappointed by these things. Sometimes things do live up to our expectations, but a lot of times they don't because our memories of them are not accurate <laugh>
Kate: Or they've been built up and shifted and morphed in our brains
Doree: Or our own personal context has changed. Maybe at the time the duck was the best thing he'd ever eaten, but 15 years later it wasn't. Maybe our own personal tastes have changed. So I just, Is this going to be a papa and the duck situation? Have I you our
Kate: Papa,
Doree: The memory of this hairdresser as the best haircuts I ever had, no one has ever come close to cutting my hair like this hairdresser. And I feel like I'm just, I'm going to walk out of there and I'm gonna be like, Well this haircut's okay.
Kate: Oh my God. And then we will forever call your haircut the duck.
Doree: Yes. My haircut will be called the duck <laugh>. Oh. Anyway, I
Kate: Just, oh God, I love this story so much.
Doree: I just felt like I needed to share that because I'm like, I'm so excited. But then there's also this little part of me that this little voice that's he'd last cut your hair in 2012, maybe that's the only haircut he knows how to do. You know what I mean? He only knows how to do, do circa 2012 stylish haircuts,
Kate: Doree hair <laugh>, which that was a good time for hair.
Doree: And actually I look back on photos of me from that era, I think he probably started cutting my hair on 2010. So he cut it for a couple years and I'm like, You know what? My hair looked great. It really did look good, but why has no one else been able to replicate it? My other question, which also makes me think that I'm misremembering. Do you know what I mean?
Kate: Of course. But stuff always is better in hindsight than it is now. Yes.
Doree: Well, and also my hair has changed to be fair as well. My hair is different now. I've had a baby. Yeah. I don't have as much hair as I used to. The texture's a little different. So there's also that to contend with. I don't know. It's gonna be interesting. <laugh>.
Kate: I can't wait. Now I'm looking up my old hairdresser in New York City because I'm like, what is she up to? Should I, No, but I love my stylist here in la.
Doree: I mean your hair
Kate: Always looks, but I know what you, Oh, that's very nice. Shout out chi baby. Everybody goes see cha link in the show notes. But yeah, it's weird. I know what you mean. I still actually, I got my hair cut into a bob in 2008 right after my wedding and it's like one of the best haircuts I've ever gotten. And the hair stylist then couldn't like replicate it. Remember when Katie Holmes had that Bob?
Doree: Yes. Remember it was kind of a iconic Bob,
Kate: Katie Holmes, so iconic. And she had gone, I mean, it was all tied into, of course, her relationship with that nightmarish human Tom Cruise. But that I had a similar cut and it was so good. And I still think about it, <affirmative>, I still think about it and I've never been able to replicate it. And I guess sometimes hairstyles they're snowflakes a little bit. Are they ever fully the same? Well, anyway, I can't wait to see if you like the duck. Will you like the duck dying
Doree: To die. And the irony is, I hate duck
Kate: <laugh>. It's very gamey game. It's
Doree: Gamey. Yeah. And I eat, I eat foul. I eat chicken and Turkey, but I cannot eat duck. I do not like it. Anyway. Well,
Kate: Hopefully you like your haircut better than you act, than you like duck.
Doree: I mean, here's hoping I will of course report back, but I fear, but people will not get the actual update for another week because of our recording schedule. But
Kate: I will please text me asap. I can't wait to get the full report. .
Doree: Oh, you will get it whether you like it or not. All right, let's take a break.
Kate: I like it.
All right. Here's an email we received and I have to say, anytime anybody else wants to send us an am I the asshole email. Oh my God, we are here for it. Okay. Yes. Hi, Caton Doree. Okay, help me out here. Am I the asshole? In the past, I've struggled with sleep and with a lot of work I've gotten to wear, I have pretty good sleep hygiene and I'm able to consistently sleep well. In part, this involves going to sleep at a fairly consistent time each night. My husband does not sleep well and stays up later than I, in addition to just not being able to go to sleep. So from the outset, I often feel guilty for going to sleep while he's still up. Then there's this, I usually wake up during the night needing to use the restroom because I drink a ton of water, which fine.
However, when I do often, it often happens that my husband is snoring when I do, making it difficult for me to go back to sleep. I've tried several kinds of earplugs, but none have proven very effective. So I'll go to another bedroom to go back to sleep. He doesn't like this because he likes to wake up next to me in the morning. Nevermind that I generally wake up earlier than he does anyway and get up before he does. It really bothers him, as in he's brought it up multiple times in a crossway. Is it bad that I prioritize my sleep if I just lay there awake? I don't see how that does either of us any good. It would not only mean I'm awake, but I'd also feel irritated at him over something he can't control. It's not his fault that he's snoring. I don't know if I'm really looking for a solution. I just am not sure how to explain this to him or if I should just suck it up and figure out how to go back to his sleep to sleep. Thanks in advance. Not sleepless.
Doree: You are not the asshole. You're not the asshole. <laugh> like, I think sleep is so important. Kate, what do you think?
Kate: You're not the asshole. I think there needs to be some examining here of what your husband's expectation is <affirmative>. Like why does he need for you to wake up next to him in the morning? And why is it so important that he believes you should sacrifice your sleep on a work day?
Doree: <affirmative>,
Kate: That seems excessive of him, quite frankly. I think it seems selfish. Yeah, I
Doree: Agree.
Kate: Now if you wanna find, I think it's worth talking about. Hey, why, Let's dig in. Why is that important to you? Oh, I just like it. Well, let's go on. Well, I struggle with loneliness and it helps me, I don't know, whatever it is, let's get to the bottom of it and honor this relationship that we're in <affirmative>. I really think that this is not clear to me. The other night, for example, I was having a full blown panic attack and I couldn't sleep. So my therapist always suggests you remove yourself from the space that you can't sleep in and go somewhere else. <affirmative>. So I went and slept on the couch and I fell asleep and nobody was upset. That wasn't a big deal. I needed to sleep so I could function. So I think there's something more here that needs to be discussed between the two of you.
Doree: The other thing is, you know, say it's not where, wait, where is that part? It's not his fault that he's snoring. Oh yeah, you say, yeah, you literally say it's not his fault. He's snoring. Okay. Yes. It's not his fault, but he should also also do a sleep study and see if he, he might need a C P A or he might have sleep apnea <affirmative>. The other thing is my husband snores. And it sounds like your husband has done nothing to mitigate his snoring. Has he tried using those breathe right strips, which actually really help. Has he done anything to try to not snore as much? I'm just curious because I think it's really hard to completely eliminate snoring, but I think there are things that he might be able to do to help the situation. I am also a light sleeper. I also sleep with earplugs. I also sometimes have trouble falling back asleep if I wake up in the middle of the night and my husband is snoring. So I fully get you. I get you. And it's like
Kate: I would say, Oh, I'm sorry. I also think it's important for you to articulate to your husband the challenges, because I think sometimes people who don't have a hard time sleeping don't understand how hard it
Doree: Is.
Kate: I am a person who needs, it takes me a while to fall asleep. I need certain things and Anthony can just roll over and he's asleep in a minute and I just can't. I think it can be hard to understand what that's like. Anything. So I think it's worth really talking to each other about it because, and coming to a place of hopefully understanding about each other's needs and compromise
Doree: <affirmative>.
Kate: But in short, you're not the asshole at all.
Doree: Well, I'm glad we solved that.
Kate: All right, onto the next one.
Doree: Hi Kainor. I would be grateful for advice from you and listeners on how to make friends at work. I just started a new dream job and I really wanna make connections with people in my department and across the organization. In my previous job, it took me over two years to make friends at work. I think it was in part due to an overbearing boss who controlled, who I was able to communicate with. And also, it could have been partly because of the pandemic. It wasn't until I was leaving that job that me and my colleagues became open about exchanging personal contact info and forming a closer bond. Although it seems like some of them were already friendly outside of work. So maybe it's me. In either case, I would like to do things differently this time and start making bonds from the beginning. Many people have been in this very large company for over 10 years and already seem to be quite connected. On a personal level, where should I start? I'm never sure as to how to take things from professional to friendly slash social.
Kate: Okay, so maybe there's something wrong with me, but my initial response was like, you don't need to be friends with everybody you work with.
Doree: And that was my response too. <laugh>
Kate: <laugh>.
Doree: And I wonder if this is the Gen X in us.
Kate: Oh my gosh. Well, and also this doesn't honor what this listener wants. This listener does wanna have these friendships, of course, with these people. Yeah. I realize as this is, I'm speaking this out loud, this is not at all the response you're seeking, nor is it respectful of what you're asking. But that is my personal instinct is like, it's okay if your relationships at work are cordial, professional relationships, and don't ever transition to more intimate personal ones, But that is what this lister wants. So let's figure it out.
Doree: I mean, I guess my first bit of advice is be patient, like you said. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, many people have been in this very large company for over 10 years, so I don't think it's realistic to expect that you're going to become super close with people very quickly. So be kind to yourself, you know what I mean? If it doesn't happen immediately, I think you just need to be a little bit patient. The other thing I would say is does your company have any employee resource groups? S <laugh>, I think they're called where employees of various, they often have an l LGBTQ group or a black employees group, or just any sort of affinity group that you can be a part of that might be a place to meet people. If there's any sort of softball team or any extracurriculars at work.
Kate: <affirmative>,
Doree: You could join those. Is there anyone on your team who you get a good vibe from? You know, could just start by being friendly. Maybe you walk to, is there a cafeteria? Maybe you walk to the cafeteria together. Just, I think ease into it. Look for organized ways for you to meet people outside of your department and then also try to form those bonds with people in your department.
Kate: Those are great suggestions.
Doree: Thank you, Kate.
Kate: I don't have anything to add. I think that's lovely. Well, we are speaking to a friendship expert, so we will pose this question as well but I think Doree nails it. I think you nailed it.
Doree: Thank you so much. No notes,
Kate: Nothing. Well,
Doree: I actually only have one just note of caution which is try not to bond with people over complaints about the company.
Kate: Doree, agree. This is such good
Doree: Advice because that in my experience, that can become very toxic and it can also really affect the way that you view your work and you view the company. If someone is always in your ear being like, Ugh, can you believe that our manager did X, Y, Z? Also, it's just not a great thing if don't use Slack or email or don't use any company <laugh> messaging to do this. Just always be very careful. But I have been in situations where I became friends with people at work because we would just complain to each other all day. And that's not actually, I think the basis of an actual friendship usually. And like I said, I think it can become very toxic. So that's just my one note of advice. It's not to say you can never complain about work, but if you find that you are only complaining about work with the people who you have become friends with, and that I think is something to examine.
Kate: This is such good advice because been there, done that and doesn't never productive as much as it feels good to talk shit.
Doree: Right? I tried to bond with Sam talking shit about Kate, and it just went south.
Kate: Yeah, it didn't go well. And I tried to talk shit about you with Sam didn't go well. They were like, Yeah, no, it's just doesn't work. It's
Doree: Just horrible. No, no, it doesn't. Jk. LOL as if jk. Okay,
Kate: Jk. We would never,
Doree: Okay. I love this last email. I absolutely love eating in the tub. It's like my own private retreat tonight. I had Bulgogi tacos and plain Lays chips, but one of my most common things to eat is popcorn drizzled with olive oil and sprinkled with Parmesan cheese and nutritional yeast. That is so
Kate: Specific. I love it.
Doree: Sounds
Kate: So good. It's rare, a tub.
Doree: It's rare that I drop anything in the tub, but if I do, I fish it out tonight. I'm drinking lemonade, typically two glasses at the ready so I don't have to get out for a refill. But I've been known to have a dark beer or occasionally glass of wine tub eats. Don't knock it until you've tried it. But paradoxically, the idea of a milk bath turns my stomach a bit.
Kate: I guess what I'm having a hard time with, and first of all, I love popcorn with nutritional yeast, but what if some of that cheese just like cri crumbles into the tub, that is hard to get out. It's not like a chunk of taco. It's for some reason that is, that's a line for me. And again, I'm a person who sits on my bed in my street clothes. I'm not that grossed out by most things, but this one is hard for me. But I also don't like when hairs float by in the tub. So maybe it's me.
Doree: <affirmative> <affirmative>.
Kate: Well, thank you for sharing, listener. Thank you. We'll try it before we knock it next time. All right. It's time for a little ad break. Doree, shall we? Brb.
Doree: Let's,
Kate: Here's a note. Hey ladies, your discussion about the go-to dress and ethical fashion for over a year now. I've seen an ad in my feed for the 100 day challenge from a company selling basic Marino woo pieces. Basically, if you wear one of their dresses a hundred days in a row and send the picture proof, they'll give you a coupon at the end, which will pay for another dress. I am so intrigued by this challenge and feel like I could do it in the winter when there would be more possibilities for layering outfit variation with tight scarves, et cetera. There are also tons of cute pictures from people who've already done this challenge. I love the idea of a uniform and not having to have to think about what to put on every day. After hearing your discussion on the pod, it reminded me of the idea, and maybe this winter I'll finally pull the trigger. It also reminds me of someone's art project many years ago where this woman wore the same brown dress for an entire year or something like that. Anyone else know what I'm talking about? I've seen this 100 day dress challenge before and I'm trying to see if I can make, Okay. The company's called Wool and Wool and then Ampersand, I believe is the company. Okay.
And in theory, I think this is an interesting idea. And actually I feel like I had an acquaintance who started it, and I'm not sure if they've made it a hundred days or not. I think if you, personally, I think it is more realistic to have 10 items of clothing that you wear and rotate than one thing you wear every day.
I actually don't think this is realistic. The folks who have uniforms, let's say Steve Jobs or President Obama or whoever has said they have a uniform, Steve Jobs had 10 black turtlenecks, right? He didn't have one, I assume. Again, I dunno. Totally. So I think I love the idea of a uniform also, and if this dresses it for you, great. But I do feel like you need, I don't know. I know in my daily life, even in a consistent weather pattern, I'm gonna need something more than the dress. And I think they're saying like, wear it with leggings, wear it without, wear it with a jacket, wear it without, But I'm also gonna want a t-shirt every now and then, but I'm not opposed, I think it's a cool promotion from this company. It's certainly be curious if anyone's done it with success.
Doree: Yeah, I, I'd love to hear. All right. Well, Kate, we have one voicemail, two buckles out this episode. Here we go.
Voicemail: Hi, forever 35 ladies. I love the pod. I just wanted to call in. I'm a Canadian and I have to say, you say Toronto wrong. You guys always say Toronto. We, Canada. We say Toronto. Thanks. Bye.
Doree: All right. Noted
Kate: A silent tea is what I'm hearing. Toronto. Toronto. Toronto. Toronto, Toronto. Okay. Thank you. All right. As we've noted on this podcast, I tend to enunciate every syllable, as I say, menstruation and I say Toronto, but Toronto. Okay. I can try that. Thank you. Thanks for checking in on that one.
Doree: All right, everyone, we'll talk to you soon. Bye. Bye.