Kate tries a new skincare TikTok trend and Doree prepares for a solo-trip. Then, listeners send in their thoughts on transitioning more than just the season this fall, loving their middle school years, and getting over an intense, short relationship. 

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Transcript

Kate: Hello, Welcome to Forever 35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Kate Spencer.

Doree: I am Doree Shafrir

Kate: And we're not experts.

Doree: We are not. We're two friends who like to talk a lot about serums

Kate: And this is a mini episode where we hear from you, we share your comments and your thoughts, and we try to answer your questions to the best of our ability

Doree: Indeed. But please do remember, we are podcast hosts. We're not experts. We always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or a mental health professional As needed.

Kate: If you would like to reach us, you can leave us a voicemail or a text message at 7 8 1 5 9 1 0 3 9 0. You can always email us or send us a voice memo at forever 35 podcast gmail.com.

Doree: Indeed, you can visit our website forever 35 podcast.com. For links to everything we mentioned on the show, follow us on Twitter at forever 35 pod on Instagram at Forever 35 podcast. Join the Forever 35 Facebook group, facebook.com/group/forever 35 podcasts. The password is serums. We also have our newsletter at forever 35 podcast.com/newsletter. And we also have stuff on our shop, My shelves@shopmy.us slash 35.

Kate: Get in there and shop my

Doree: <laugh>.

Kate: That sounds weird. And then of course, story. We've got merch. We finally have merch. Check out our balance bound collab at balance bound.co/shop/forever 35. Adorable goodies lurking over there.

Doree: Amen.

Kate: So I have some really exciting news and it's skincare related.

Doree: Okay, let's hear it.

Kate: Well, this is gonna start off in a way that I probably don't recommend, but I'm gonna tell you anyway. I'm doing something new with my skin based on something I saw on TikTok.

Doree: Go on.

Kate: I feel like this is how every what not to do starts, but I'm gonna just go there. I got somehow it on my for you page, a video showed up about something called skin cycling, which is something, which is just a fun name. Some dermatologist named Dr. Whitney Bow, who's on TikTok came up with for the order in which you wanna use your products on a daily basis. So each day has a different purpose. And I found this very clarifying cuz I always kind of arbitrarily throw my retinol on and I'm like, I try to use this every few days, but then I can't keep track and then I don't remember. And this has made it very easy to keep track of when I'm using what product. And the idea behind this is essentially you're maximizing the exfoliation process and then there's lots of recovery. So you're not overdoing it.

Doree: <affirmative>. I will tell you, this also showed up on my, for you Paige, I feel like this is

Kate: Really,

Doree: It's really everywhere. I mean

Kate: It seems like a lot of folks have adopted it and mm-hmm <affirmative> in the early stages. So I don't say that I have proof of it working, but I really like the steps and I have noticed that my skin is not getting, I tend to dry out really fast and get dehydrated. And that has not happened yet, which is very promising. So let me walk you through basically how this derm suggests you do it the first night, in the morning, your standard, you wash or hydrate, use a vitamin C serum moisturize sunscreen. That's what I do. But the routine at night goes like this. Day one, you're gonna use a chemical exfoliant. So wash chemical exfoliant moisturizer. That's what I do. <affirmative> <affirmative>. Okay. Night two, you're gonna wash and use your retinol and moisturize as needed, but do not use oil. I use so for my chemical exfoliant, I use lotion, <affirmative>, and this could chemical exfoliant. We're talking like Sunday Riley. Good genes. We're talking pixie, a variety of chemical experience. Finding one that works for your skin is what's the most important for retinol. I use podcast sponsor apo apostrophes, trein, tre, I can't, can't say it. Doree Tre <laugh>.

Doree: Yeah,

Kate: I think it's trip to know him. I have tre to know him via apostrophe. That's what I use for my retinol night. Then I moisturize. Then nights three and four are recovery nights. So you're not using your exfoliant or your retinol in those nights. You're just hydrating and nourishing your skin. So I use a nice hydrating toner. This is when I throw on a hyaluronic acid serum. I have the OCS hyaluronic C serum, and then I moisturize and I put on an oil

Doree: <affirmative>.

Kate: Okay. I really go for it. And you do that for two nights and then you're back to night one with your exfoliant

Doree: <affirmative>

Kate: And that's it. That's the cycle.

Doree: And how's it working for you?

Kate: It's only been like two weeks, but I think my song looks good. It's more for me, the simplifying of the when to use the products. And it helps me not combine products that shouldn't be combined it very, for whatever, the way my brain works, it very clearly kind of marks everything. So I know like, oh, this is the night I'm doing this and here's the purpose and here's what I use. And then on this night I do this and here's why. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And then so it, I don't know, really helped kind of not only clarify the steps for me and the products, but also streamline what I'm using, you know, don't need. And I've talked about this kind of having this capsule skincare routine and this is kind of also, I think helped narrow that down too.

Doree: Okay.

Kate: I'm a fan. A fan. I would love to hear if anybody else has been practicing this and for longer than I have because I'd love to know what are your results. And for moisture, fyi, I use the D skin or some ave that I have in my medicine cabinet. My oil, I tend to go with super.

Doree: Okay, I'm into this for you. Okay,

Kate: So you've seen the video, but you haven't picked up the practice, is that correct? Or you've seen the in your for you page?

Doree: I have seen in my for you page, I mean feel like a catchy name goes a long way.

Kate: A hundred percent. Is this truly introducing anything new or does it just sound good?

Doree: I think at least I, we all know you're not, you shouldn't, probably shouldn't use the exfoliate in the retinol on the same night. We know that already. We also know that you're not supposed to overuse chemical exfoliants, so you shouldn't be using that every day anyway. And even when I'm like gung-ho on retinol, which I'm, I'm really easing off right now because it's summer and I'm outside playing tennis a lot. And I just wanna be mindful of that. I almost never use it every day either, especially if I'm using a chemical exfoliant. So to me some of this is just like, okay, we know this. I think the, cuz there's one night, there's two nights with nothing, is that

Kate: Right? Two nights of Recovery Door. Yes. Exfoliate, Right Retinoid. Recovery. Recovery.

Doree: Right. So on those nights, do you don't even put on moisturizer?

Kate: No, no, no. Yes, you moisturize you. Oh, I right. Yes. Oh yes. Ok. Oh

Doree: Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my goodness. Yeah. So I mean

Kate: Think this is ok. Great. Oh get I think This's detective. No,

Doree: I think this is great. I also don't think this is earth shuttering <laugh>.

Kate: Definitely for me, the idea of spacing it out is cuz I think I was overdoing it and I would do exfoliate, then the retinol, then exfoliate, then retinol. And never give my skin, never give my skin a break. I think the break is what helps me and doing and knowing you exfoliate and then, then break. That just has helped me kind of slow my role, let's say. But I agree with you. Yeah, totally. This has a nice just, you know, put in a TikTok video and it feels brand new, but maybe it's not

Doree: Right. And she's a very pretty dermatologist and white lady,

Kate: You know what I mean? It's also just, Yeah,

Doree: Yeah. White lady

Kate: Ladies go more viral because they're white. Totally. I'm saying this wrong, but the racism is pervasive and things like that. Yes. And

Doree: Ourselves, and I think we saw some when white ladies discovered slugging, which is something that women of color have been doing forever. I, and I'm not saying that this is something she has is appropriating from another culture, but I just think there is this tendency to brand things and name things that aren't <affirmative> always new, they're just rebranded and great. Good for her. But I dunno, I'm also as discussed, I am a skeptic, so I'm naturally sort of side eyeing.

Kate: I'm a follower.

Doree: What's the

Kate: Opposite of a skeptic? A believer?

Doree: Yeah.

Kate: What's a more naive aspect? I think

Doree: Ultimately if you enjoy this, if this is working for you, then great. I have a problem with that.

Kate: Okay, good.

Doree: So

Kate: I do it.

Doree: Keep us posted, let us know how I will, this works out.

Kate: I'll give you a month and a two month update. Anyway, I wanna hear about what you've got planned because I'm already salivating just at the thought of what you were about to tell me.

Doree: <laugh>. Okay. So I should say by the time people hear this, I will be gone. I'm going on a solo trip. I'm going to New York for four nights by myself. I'm staying with friends and I'm so excited.

Kate: Doree, what brought on this desire, and I know you're staying with friends, but is this a trip for you to see people or is it a trip for you to see yourself? <laugh>. Sorry, I had to do it.

Doree: Its a trip to go to the US Open.

Kate: Shut up. Are you serious?

Doree: I am serious.

Kate: I didn't know this. We have to clarify. You had dates off in your calendar, but I didn't really know what you were doing. Oh, I'm so

Doree: Happy. Oh, we never discussed this. I didn't,

Kate: Didn't know you were going to the US Open.

Doree: Yeah, I'm going to the US Open.

Kate: Oh, Doree, this makes me so happy. I feel like this is a treat for yourself. You get to scratch the tennis itch, which is a passion of yours now that you've been developing over the last few years. You get to see friends and you get to go to New York when it's arguably, hopefully the nicest time to be in New York City.

Doree: Yes. All of those things. Kate good for you. I'll probably thank you. I think it'll probably still be a little warm, but whatever. It's warm here. Yeah, so I've been talking with a couple friends when we were on the East coast this summer, and one of them is also very into tennis, and I was like, Hey, do you wanna go to the US Open? And he had already before in years past, but I was like, I've never been in all my years living in New York. I never went, partly because I wasn't playing tennis at the time, so it wasn't as much of a priority for me to try to go but now I'm like, fuck yeah. So we talked about it and then a couple weeks after I got home, I texted him and I was like, Should we really do this? And he was like, Yeah. And then his husband was like, I wanna go <laugh>. So we got tickets. And Matt, I will say to his credit, Matt was like, You should go. You really need to go. Have you gotten a ticket? He was very enthusi encouraging of this trip. So yeah, that's what we're happening here.

Kate: I love it. Do you have outfits planned for the US Open? Is it a thing you kind of plan your looks for Wimbledon or is it a bit more cash? I know you're like right in. I've been once in my life and I just remember being in Direct Sun

Doree: <laugh>. I mean, I will bring a hat. But anyway, I haven't planned my outfit yet. But yes, I've thought about the fact that I need to plan my outfit

Kate: <laugh>. Okay, good. Just making sure that is an important part.

Doree: Totally. And so far the weather looks okay. It doesn't look like it's gonna rain when I'm there, except maybe a little bit one day, one morning and it's gonna be warm but not crazy warm. So yeah, I'm excited and it's like some good me time.

Kate: I think that is really, really key. I'm very excited for you. You need me. Time is so essential for every human being. It is so essential.

Doree: Yes. All right, Kate, let's take a little break.

Kate: Great.

Doree: All right, we are back with an email. Hello Cat. I was just listening to your latest episode discussing transitioning into fall. I had just been reflecting on this before listening and had landed on a few fall in 10 shoes, if you will, this summer for my family. It was a pendulum swing away from the past two years of travel restrictions, and we've really packed in as much travel gatherings and events as possible. While I am so grateful for this amazing summer, it has left our bank account home and spirits exhausted. First, I decided to challenge myself to spend free September where I'm not buying unnecessary items such as new clothes, makeup or skincare toys, concerts, trips and events, which I have let get a bit out of control as well. This will also allow me to take sock of the stuff we have in our home, reorganize and buy things more consciously.

I also know that the upcoming holiday season tends to always get expensive, and this will give us a chance to budget and prepare for travel holiday gatherings and gift giving that comes up in the next few months. I have also begun thinking how I am craving a regular spiritual practice this fall. I know, Kate, you have discussed this previously and I'm still struggling how I can do this. I know that this is something that is lacking in my life, although I've been a previous churchgoer. I am now questioning how organized religion aligns with my life and how I can incorporate spiritual practice into my daily life and with my family if it doesn't revolve, if it doesn't involve organized religion. Anyway, this is a larger more existential question, but would love to hear how you yourselves or listeners are doing this.

Kate: Wow, interesting. First of all, I love the idea of no spend September to kind of recalibrate before the holiday season where there's so much pressure to spend money <affirmative>. I just thought this is a really smart time to do that pause and I feel like I'm always inclined to do it in January, but doing it before is really wise. <affirmative>, I like this idea. <affirmative>. As for spirituality, <laugh>, I don't have an answer. I would love, I mean, I am also seeking thoughts on how to connect deeper spiritually or with my spiritual side or guides or however you wanna call it.

And I don't have a good answer. I would love to kind of hear what people think, whether it is <affirmative>, people who practice a religion or practice a different sort of spiritual practice. I said practice 50 times there. I'd love to hear about it. Here's an email. Hello Katon Doree. I know you've discussed before the topic of taking a spouse's name when marrying. I am wondering if any listeners have experience of changing their last name, but not to a spouse's last name, to something else entirely. I've been estranged from my father for several years, and when I look at my last name, it makes me sad and it doesn't feel like quote me anymore. But I am not keen on taking my husband's name for the same reason. It doesn't feel like me in trying to think of a meaningful last name. I have a contender, the first names of my two grandmothers combined into one, which luckily works out to sounding like a possible real last name and is a real if rare first name. They were pillars of my life and a name that reflects both my sides of my family feels right, But I have hesitations and would love to hear from listeners who might have gone through this process. How did people but decide to take the plunge to make the change? How do I explain to people the change? Do I even need to explain how long did it take people to get used to their new name? Did anyone regret changing their name? Any other advice? Much appreciated.

I love this. I fully support this instinct. I mean this, it's not something I've done, but I think taking agency over your name is really powerful, especially when it's a rejection of a belief. I mean all of that, but stuff that doesn't serve you

Doree: <affirmative>

Kate: And you don't have to it to anybody. I mean, granted, again, I don't have experience with this, but I have friends who have changed their last names to things that just like whatever they want and I don't ask, it's just their business. But you don't owe anybody an explanation.

Doree: No, you don't. Keep us posted. Let us know what you decide. What a cool thing to be doing.

Kate: I don't know if you have this experience story, but the last name that my ancestors came over with has been altered 8 billion times, so it's essentially meaningless. Anyway.

Doree: Totally right? Yes, yes. I support this.

Kate: Yeah, give us the scoop. I wanna hear more about this and I would love to hear more from people who have made their own choices when it comes to, Hey, last name, first name, whatever name. Maybe you go by one name, maybe Cher will call in.

Doree: Yeah.

Kate: All right, Doree. Voicemail time.

Doree: Voicemail time. Here we go.

Voicemail: Hey, Cat door. This is Jess calling from year-old New England. I just can't stop thinking about the comment you made on a recent podcast episode. It's about how no one liked middle school and I'd the only weirdo who loves middle school. <laugh> was a little silly, but I think it was probably my strongest academic life was maybe in middle school. I was so confident academically I had this group of friends and we would go to the mall. I think it was the first time I had a taste of freedom outside of my home, was small, nothing crazy. It was really Friday nights going to the local mall and getting pizza afterwards with all my friends at someone's house. But yeah, I guess just wanted to say I school and I hope <laugh> other people in the forever 35 community that loved middle school. Love you guys. Bye.

Doree: I mean, I respect this. I don't relate to it, but I respect it.

Kate: <laugh> <laugh>, I actually found high school harder than middle school kind of emotionally and socially and all that stuff. So I actually had a positive experience in middle school. It wasn't like my finest time, but in hindsight, I actually think I grew really positively in middle school. So maybe I'm overdoing it when I say, Okay yeah, I look at my child who just entered middle school and I keep trying to poke around for signs that it's not great and I haven't found them and I'm really

Doree: Oh, that's

Kate: Interesting. I'm one. I'm curious if it's different for this generation, these younger generations. Is it getting better? I mean, probably not, but something I've been thinking about, I don't know.

Doree: Very interesting. All right. Well, Kate, let us take a little break and Okie we'll back.

All right. We have returned with a couple of texts about a recent note from a listener who was going through a breakup after a couple months of a guy who had been, he was separated from his ex, but they were maybe getting back together. She had fallen hard and fast for this guy and was really devastated that he had broken up with her. So this is a text from another listener for the listener going through a breakup from one single 33 year old to another right now, the best thing you can do is close all the doors on that guy. If he comes back, that's his choice. But waiting to see is only hurting yourself more. I recommend going cold Turkey on anything and everything that reminds you of him. Maybe that's dramatic, but it's the only thing that's helped me in the past because after a couple of weeks, your head will be clearer and you won't need the guardrails. Also, maybe make a list of things that bring you joy and slot those in as needed. I planned a whole trip during my last breakup. Still haven't taken it. Maybe I will next year, but it gave me something to look forward to that didn't require real decisions or money. I also listened to Juliana, Calm down by the chicks on repeat. What a time.

Kate: Nothing like a little bit of the chicks to get you on the mood when you're going for a breakup.

Doree: Totally.

Kate: Yeah. I mean, hot tips. I, It's been a while since I've been through a breakup, but the cold Turkey is hard, especially in the

Doree: World internet. Yeah, it's the setting that really firm boundary.

Kate: Yeah,

Doree: It is very tough. Very tough. Especially if they reach back out, Oh,

Kate: Forget it. Forget it. Oh, I don't envy you. It's hard listener. Here was another text message. We received a tip for the listener who's feeling intense heartbreak after a short relationship. I fall quickly as well, and I've been exactly where they are now. It's brutal. I heard a quote that changed game for me, and it was let go or be dragged. Holding on when something is over and not good for you just hurts you more in the long run. Whenever I find myself thinking about an X, I repeat that mantra in my head and I really do feel lighter. Also, one thing to note, they mentioned in their message that they knew in the very beginning, the guy they were seeing didn't want the same thing out of our relationship as them, but decided to keep going anyway. Listen to your gut. It's your guardian angel. When someone tells you what they want, believe them the first time sending all the love. I mean, this is great advice, right? Yeah.

Doree: I mean, I genuinely do believe when someone shows you who they are, believe them. And I think there's so much, I'm gonna make a generalization here, but I think often women try to fix things or think that kind of read into things that aren't there, and it's not our fault because oftentimes these people lead us on in ways that are not super nice <affirmative>.

If someone is sending you mixed messages, it's not your fault if you are holding out hope, because sometimes they are sending you the message that they're in to you, but then other times they're not, and I think we need to pay more attention to the times that they're not, You know what I mean? I think we need to pay more attention to the times where they really are showing us who they are. To me, just the fact that he said he might get back together with his ex is a massive red flag that the fact that he is even contemplating it, and I speak from sort of past experience. The person wasn't person, wasn't married, but had been in a long term relationship with his girlfriend and they broke up. They'd been living together, she moved out, blah, blah, blah, but then they just suddenly got back together and I was like, No one suddenly gets back together. They'd clearly been talking, they'd, if not hooking up and I don't know. It's messy. It's messy.

Kate: Oh, it's messy. Yep,

Doree: It's

Kate: Messy. And then you get covered in the mess, like the mess. It's annoying. You don't wanna have that mess to deal with, but <affirmative>. Anyway, we're still thinking of you original listener who wrote in about this and anyone dealing with heartbreak. It fucking sucks.

Doree: It sucks.

Kate: Turn on the chicks. It sucks. Turn on the chicks. Yeah.

Doree: Well, Kate, yes. Story. This has been a delight as always to get to talk to you have so much fun at the US Open. Oh my gosh. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. I will try. I will try. All right everybody. Talk to you later. All right, bye.