Mini-Ep 332: A New Age Dawns

Kate follows listeners’ laundry advice and reports on her success and Doree takes the plunge into a political volunteer career. Then, listeners investigate which red lipstick TSwift really wears, ask how to grieve a pet, and give in to waking up early. 


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Transcript

 

Kate: Hello, a and welcome to Forever 35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Kate Spencer,

Doree: And I am Doree Chare.

Kate: And we are not experts.

Doree: We are not. It's true. But we are two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.

Kate: We do like to talk about serums, and this is a mini episode where we hear from you, we share your comments and your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability.

Doree: But please do remember, we are podcast hosts who are not experts and we always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.

Kate: If you wanna reach us, our voicemail number is 7 8 1 5 9 1 0 3 9 0, and our email is forever 35 podcast@gmail.com. You can also text us at that phone number, and I want you to know that two different people sent us photos of the eggplant emoji in the wild, like someone, was it a state fair? And they had stuffed eggplant emojis as a prize and they sent us a photo of that. And then another person was visiting the town of Clayville Maryland where there is an eggplant statue in the town. Yeah, Catonsville, Maryland. That's what they said. Yeah. There's a big an jean statue in this town, <laugh> of Kate of ca. Oh, Elcot City, Maryland, excuse me. That is where the picture is from. Elcot City, Maryland. They send us a picture of a big eggplant statue, so you know, will see pieces of this in the world and you'll wanna let us know. So please text us <laugh>.

Doree: You can also follow Visit our website forever 35 podcast.com for links to everything we mentioned on the show. We are on Twitter at February 35 pod on Instagram at February 35 podcast. And you can join the Forever 35 Facebook group at facebook.com/groups/forever 35 podcast. The password is serums. We do have a newsletter, which you can sign up for at forever 35 podcast.com/newsletter. And you can check out all of the pros we recommend in a more easily digestible format at shop my.us/forever 35. I also do wanna put in another plug for our Balance Bound five collab lab.

Kate: This is our merch

Doree: Stuff is so cute. This is our merch. Check that out at balance bound.co/shop/forever five.

Kate: All right. Now that we have gotten the show business out of the way, I have an important follow up to a conversation that we had on this show, which is people who use Dawn dish soap to remove stains as they launder their clothes. And yesterday Yes indeed. I did it. I used Dawn. Okay.

Doree: And it was

Kate: Amazing. How did it worked really well.

Doree: It works, right?

Kate: Yes. And in fact, it's crazy. In one instance, I rubbed the dawn onto the stains and then I threw my clothes in the laundry and I forgot to add any sort of laundry detergent and

Doree: Oh,

Kate: Funny. Okay. Didn't even matter. The dawn just did its stuff and the stains were gone. I didn't even need the A.

Doree: That's amazing.

Kate: Support of a detergent. So our listeners were right. Wow. Our listeners were right.

Doree: Yeah, it's great. I love just spritzing a little dawn on and going to town

Kate: <laugh>. I did document it on our Instagram. And what was pos possibly the least exciting Instagram stories ever be created on the planet? Just me rubbing soap into clothes and then doing laundry. But I was like, You know what? This is a hot topic. We got a lot of feedback on removing oil stains. I am going to document this journey and I don't know it like now, do I ever need to buy shout spray again? I kind of don't feel like I do.

Doree: I mean, you might not have

Kate: To. No disrespect to the shout company, but I might not need you anymore.

Doree: <laugh>. I also just wanna say, I'm gonna talk about my little laundry hack that I texted you about.

Kate: Okay. Lay it on us.

Doree: Cause you were talking about how you don't, you don't know what the laundry symbols mean. And sometimes tags just have the symbols. They don't say tumble dry low. It's just like a symbol and you're like, What the fuck is this? So what I did is I did Google it, but then I printed out the guide to all the symbols and I just taped it up next to the washing machine.

Kate: This is such a good idea.

Doree: That's it.

Kate: <laugh>. I know, but that's a really good idea. And I know this is gonna maybe sound silly. Did you read that idea somewhere? Or were you just like, I know how to

Doree: Solve this? I think I came up with it. I think I, Doree Shri <laugh> came up with this genius hack <laugh> to print out, because I also was like, I can never remember what any of these things mean.

Kate: No. And the are intuitive.

Doree: No, they are not intuitive. Whoever came up with these sig symbols, I would like a word <laugh>. Yeah. It's

Kate: Like a picture of an egg cracking or something. And you're supposed to know what the fuck that means in regards to laundry it. It's so confusing. All right. That is really smart. And something I think I could easily actually literally do that right now as we're recording this podcast. I won't.

Doree: Yeah.

Kate: But that's a great idea. And also that would help because my children do their own laundry and they just kind of throw it all in and often they forget to add detergent as well. But I might help just to, in case they do have questions, to have that there. Well, for the whole family. All right. Good idea. Doree. Good hack.

Doree: Oh, thank you.

Kate: What have you been up to this week

Doree: Over there so much? Well, Kate, I have been volunteering for a political campaign.

Kate: Tell me everything, because this is not something I already know. This is news to me.

Doree: I just wanted to save it for the pod, get your true unvarnished reaction.

Kate: What if my reaction was gross? How being involved in politics is dumb.

Doree: That would be a legitimate reaction. No, I mean, okay, so as you know, I was a journalist for a long time, and at least in my most recent job at Buzzfeed where I was for six years, you couldn't be involved in any sort of advocacy, political advocacy even. You couldn't even say go to a pro. You weren't even supposed to go to a pro-choice march or anything like that. It was just like you were supposed to be unbiased. And I think that objectivity is an illusion and journalists should just be upfront about their biases instead of pretending they're objective because just bullshit. But nonetheless, we were forced to keep up this facade of objectivity. But then when I quit in 2018, I was like, Okay, cool. I can be more vocal about my political beliefs. And now I was like, I think actually our experience raising money through the state's project, the Giving Circle has been really influential <affirmative> on my thinking and just showed the power of advocacy.

And I was like, I wanna get involved in a super local campaign. And so I started volunteering for the city council campaign of someone who is challenging my city council person, who I'm not a fan of. And I have a friend actually, who had been volunteering with this candidate's campaign since before the primary. And I said to her, Oh, I'd like to get involved. And she was just email the campaign. They're always looking for volunteers. So I emailed them someone reached out, I had a one-on-one call with one of their people who oversees volunteers. Then someone texted me and was so and so thought you might wanna be a lead. And I was like, What's a lead? And it turns out a lead is someone who motivates other volunteers and gets them to canvas and do other stuff. And I was like, I can do that. Cause the other thing I realized is I don't mind bothering people.

Kate: <laugh>. Thank God. We need people like that in politics and campaigns. That's so good,

Doree: Because I realize it's kind of similar to when you're a journalist and you're trying to get a source to call you back.

Kate: Oh my God,

Doree: Couldn't, You're just, Hey, just checking in. Did you get my message? Let's figure out a time to chat. Hey, <laugh>. You know what I mean? It's just this sort of dance of figuring out how to diplomatically, but firmly follow up with someone and get them to do what you want them to do. <laugh>, which ultimately I find very rewarding. So yeah, it's fun. I like it. I enjoy it. And yeah, I'm trying to channel my powers and my experience for good.

Kate: I think that is awesome. I'm so proud of you.

Doree: Oh, thank you, Kate.

Kate: I mean, it can be

Doree: Easy to

Kate: Feel cynical and get frustrated. And I think one thing you and I have really both thought a lot about this year and for a while is that really the importance of participation in super local politics. So I think you were just really walking the walk. Doree, I admire it very much.

Doree: Thank you, Kate. I am, I'm trying to walk the walk. I'm trying to get involved both cause it's great to donate money, but that's also kind of the easiest way to get involved. And I was like, You know what? I wanna just take things to the next level,

Kate: Challenging yourself. That's

Doree: What it's like. I am, I'm challenging myself. I'm stretching my wings, doing something that is a little bit outside my comfort zone. Once I got into it, I was like, Oh, okay, I get this. But kind of getting over the initial hump of just calling people and being like, Hey, I'm calling from this campaign and we have this event coming up and like blah, blah, blah, <laugh>. I was like, Ugh. Also, I wasn't expecting people to actually answer. And so then a couple of them the worst. And I was like, Oh hi, <laugh>.

Kate: It is. I mean, I have done phone calling for campaigns before

Doree: You phone banked. Yeah,

Kate: A bunch. And the entire time I have, I'm like, every time I'm praying the person doesn't pick up because I'm so much, I'm not like you. And that I'm, I do mind bugging people. It's not bugging, but you know what I mean. I do mind that kind of, it's just not in my comfort zone, so.

Doree: Right.

Kate: I love that you are harnessing not just your passion but your skillset.

Doree: That's what I'm talking about, Kate. Well, Kate, we should take a little break and we have some stuff to get to from our listeners.

Kate: All right. We'll be right back.

Well, let's start with a very important message from a listener. They texted us forever ago, a listener wrote in wondering what red lipstick Taylor Swift uses, and now we have the answer for the VMAs. She wore Pat McGrath's liquid lust matte in Ellison four. Pat posted about it, but my source was Taylor Swifter St. Taylor Swift styled, which I've been meaning to send in forever as an answer to the original question, Better late than never, I hope. Okay. I mean, we have much to discuss in the Taylor Swift front. Not only do we now know what her red of choices, which is gorgeous, by the way, I don't own any Pat McGrath. I think I gotta get my hands on this. How do I not own any Pat McGrath makeup,

Doree: Do you? I don't either. No, She's

Kate: Iconic. All right. Well, this might be my first Pat McGrath purchase, but we also received the announcement that Taylor's coming out with a new album, Midnights. She looked great at the VMAs. So thank you listener for this hot tip on this red. I wonder if it will look good on my skin. I can't wait to try it. All right. Wow. Tangent, alert. Moving on.

Doree: Totally

Kate: An interesting voicemail that we received. Okay. This person has an interesting dilemma that I'm very curious to get your thoughts on.

Voicemail: Hey, I would love some advice about this dilemma that I have from you or from listeners on the pod and calling in from Montreal, Canada. I'm about to finish my PhD in clinical child psychology after many long and complicated and emotionally traumatic years which is nice when I'm finishing. But had things gone normally, I would've graduated, I don't know, two to four years ago, which is when the rest of my cohort graduated. But I needed to start my thesis over from new supervisor, new topic and everything. So the fact that I'm actually finishing right now is kinda a testament to my willpower and my intense stubbornness, I think. So I'm finally getting there and I have many, many supportive and wonderful friends who have cheered me on, and they've all said, Oh, we'd love to be at your thesis defense, which is kind of these days hybrid.

Either you come by zoom or you come in person. And I suspect that they will want to make social media posts about my hopefully successful defense to say congratulations. And even though I'm so proud of myself and what I've achieved, I'm really, really reluctant to post anything about it online. Cause it feels like I should've gotten a really long time ago. And actually I'm a little bit embarrassed at how long it's taken, even though it wasn't my fault. And also, I used to find these posts about other people's successful thesis kind triggering for my anxiety back when I thought that I might never finish. So it's weird to have other people do it for me. So what I need advice on is how do I kindly ask my supportive friends for whom I'm so grateful to not post about this? Or should I instead work on overcoming this embarrassment and reframing the narrative by remembering the social media never shows the full story, et cetera. And then maybe I could be a nice example for others to see about someone who had significant setbacks and some failures and overcame those roadblocks to achieve their success. But the idea of putting it out there just makes me wanna disappear into a hole. And it's so conflicting to be proud of something and simultaneously really, really embarrassed about the fact that it took so long. So would love some advice on this. Thank you so much. Love you guys.

Doree: Thoughts? I mean, I think you can say I'm keeping this off social media for now, and I'd appreciate you not posting. That's an easy way to just deal with it. I want you to be proud of your accomplishment, and I would love for you to not be embarrassed about it taking so long, but you finished, Oh my God, I dropped out of a PhD program. A lot of people don't finish PhD program, so just the fact that you finished is pretty freaking amazing. So that's what I'll say about that. I mean, I personally don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about. And it's very kind of you to think about it being triggering for other people. But ultimately, that's not your responsibility

Kate: To everything you said,

Doree: In my opinion. But after all my little pep talk, you still don't feel comfortable. I think you can just have a little chat with your friends, and that's totally fine. And they should respect that. Yeah.

Kate: And not everything has to go on social media in order to be celebrated. I

Doree: Think. Yes.

Kate: I think this is something that I'm really trying to remember and try to shift to my own life, is that there are other ways to celebrate things other than just posting it. I know this,

Doree: I love that, Kate,

Kate: This is our world now. It's not going to change. So me saying, we didn't use to do this, I hate, that's irrelevant. This is how it is now. But I also think we can find other ways to celebrate or say, I still appreciate you celebrating me. Let's get dinner and drinks.

Doree: It's so funny you say that because I went to a baby shower the other day, <affirmative> of a good friend and I took a picture of her. She had this very cute cake and took a picture of her in front of a cake, and I was gonna post it. And then I was like, Why am I posting this <laugh>? You know what I mean? It's just like, why does, Am I posting this <laugh>? Like if she wants to post it, fine, But am I posting this just because I want people to know that I was at her baby shower? That's weird. Am I? Or am I actually posting it to celebrate her? Well, I'm already celebrating her. I'm at her baby shower. She knows I'm celebrating her. I don't need to post it to my Instagram. So it was just funny to hear you say that because I had these thoughts. The other, I went through all of these thoughts the other day as I was debating whether to post a very innocuous photo to Instagram, but I ultimately landed on not posting it.

Kate: No, I think

Doree: It's a real end. I think

Kate: It is. No, I really think it is a larger kind of conversation that we should be having of, When I quit Twitter, my brain would constantly come up with things to tweet, even though I knew I had not been on the app anymore. And I was like, I would come up with things and want to tweet them. And then it was like, why do I, why can't I just have this thought and not share it? And how we've basically been conditioned, It's now muscle memory to wanna just post and share and tweet and Instagram and all that shit. So I think taking a pause is great. I love that. Did you end up posting it? You didn't, did you right?

Doree: You didn't? No, I did not. I did not post the

Kate: Cake. I mean, the cake sounds still delicious.

Doree: Cake. Yeah. I mean, it was a big cake from Susie Cakes. So Suzy strong with that. Anyway, Kate.

Kate: All right. Next email. Should

Doree: We read this other email?

Kate: Yeah. Take it away. Doree.

Doree: Hi cat door. Let me put the little trademark

Kate: <laugh>. I know. So cute.

Doree: Which I appreciate. I'm wondering if you two or your listeners might have suggestions regarding the loss of a pet, especially one that is very sudden. I'm finding it's kind of a mixed bag on how people react to the loss of a pet. But for my partner and this loss really is devastating. Any suggestions on how to grieve or ways to honor the pets are appreciated?

Kate: It is

Doree: A real, You and I both been there.

Kate: Oh, fuck yeah. I mean, it's hard because I think if people who don't have pets or don't have the same relationship to their pets don't understand how deep of a loss it is, and it truly is it, It's true loss. It's true grief, the kind that we experience in other ways. And I see you. Yeah it's very real. So number one, yes, We both see you on this. And I would try to focus on the reactions you get from people who understand your experience. Cuz from those who don't, like, it's not intentionally being unkind, they just don't get it.

Doree: <affirmative>

Kate: How to grieve. I mean, I know I have people who have had services and celebrations of life for their pets. I think art is a beautiful, I have my neighbor, he had a funeral service for his dog. He was so close with his dog. Everybody in the neighborhood knew his dog and his dog was his family. So Oh yeah. His dog is buried in an animal cemetery here in Los Angeles.

Doree: Oh my gosh.

Kate: Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I know mean LA we tend to really go for it here,

Doree: But Sure, sure, sure.

Kate: And they do. I do think art or, I mean, I have my cat's ashes. Oh, that word.

Doree: What did you do with your cat's ashes? May I ask?

Kate: They live on a shelf in our family room and sometimes my kids take them out and hug them.

Doree: Are they in a decorative urn?

Kate: No, they came back to us in a pretty box. And then in the box they're in like a can.

Doree: Got it. Cause I still have my dog's ashes in the box that they came in in a plastic bag.

Kate: I think you could put them in something nice, A little decorative, a little urn. I think that's nice. Or you could bury them. Yes. And whatever you feel called to do. Excuse

Doree: Me. Yeah, I mean, my dog died 12 years ago.

Kate: <laugh>, I mean, my childhood dog died and her ashes just lived in a cabinet in our kitchen. And what looked like a Big Mac, an old Big Mac container. Those remember those styrofoam things?

Doree: I do. I do remember those. Yeah.

Kate: I mean someone, I mean, you were very close with your dog before I knew you. I used to read, I remember when your dog died, cuz I remember reading what you wrote about it. It was devastating. Yeah.

Doree: I wrote a piece in the New York Times about my dog dying. It was very devastating. She was old, but not super old. And she had been, she'd been sort of deteriorating, but not really. She was kind of fine and never had any health problems. And then she, I think she had a stroke. They determined and her basically her back half was paralyzed. And that was just sort the beginning of the end. And I think she lasted another two weeks. So it was kind of swift, but not, it wasn't overnight or anything, but it was relatively fast. But I was devastated. I was also somewhat newly single. I had been single, I think for four or five months at that point. So I also felt kind of alone in my grief, although my ex-boyfriend did come with me to do the actual euthanasia, which I did appreciate. But yeah, I mean, it was really sad. I think I can still make myself cry when I think about it. So yeah, I don't know. That's not super helpful. I guess. It's just like it's gonna be sad. I'm sorry. It really sucks.

Kate: It really sucks. Maybe people have ideas on how they've kind of celebrated or grieved a pet who's past or honored them. I mean, also a donation in their name to a rescue or some other organization that's meaningful I think can be really nice too.

Doree: I love that.

Kate: Oh, it's really hard. Also, if you feel really hard called you could foster. There's stuff like that that you could do, but you might not be ready for that. All right. Well

Doree: That just remind one more thing that just reminds me, reminded me that when we adopted Bo six years later, the rescue was like, We just wanna make sure that you're not doing this because you're grieving your dog. And I was like,

Kate: What?

Doree: I was like, she died six years ago. <laugh>. I mean, as we all know, animal rescues are their own <affirmative>, their own beast, if you will. But I, This is a crazy

Kate: <laugh>, a weird thing to say.

Doree: That's a weird thing to say. She didn't die a month ago. <laugh>. And even if she had, does that really matter? I dunno. I guess they worry that you're just adopting a dog to replace the dog. And once reality sets in, you might not actually want the new dog, I'm assuming.

Kate: Yeah. Yeah. But I think so.

Doree: I get that. I don't know. Well, we'll

Kate: Link to your piece in New York Times too.

Doree: Oh, thank you Kate.

Kate: Right. Already. Why

Doree: Is this 11 year old story getting a bunch of new hits,

Kate: These clicks, <laugh>.

Doree: All

Kate: Right. Well, Doree, let's take another break and we'll be right back with a couple more listener comments.

Doree: All right, brb.

All right. We are back. Hey, header. Any chance you could talk about wide shoe recommendations on the pod? I have very wide feet, and I find it really frustrating that so many options for wide feet look incredibly stylish or matronly. One of the especially difficult things about having wide flat feet is that even wide width shoes from places like DSW don't expand the width of the soul of the shoe. Interesting. Thankfully, Birkenstock are in style, but that's all I can find. That fit. Would love recommendations from listeners for stylish on trend shoes for extra wide feet.

Kate: Now, I don't have wide feet, but I wanted to include this message to open it up to the audience here, because this is frustrating. I imagine for this listener, you deserve a stylist shoe. I don't have extra wide feet. Doree, do you have any thoughts on, or is this gonna be a real audience participation question?

Doree: I think this is gonna be an audience participation question. I don't have wide feet. I have discussed how I have a wide toe box. Oh yes. But I have actually, other than that, I have somewhat narrow feet. So that's another sort of annoying problem in and of itself. Our old pod sponsor, Bionic makes shoes and wide wits, so that might be one place to check out. I believe. Give, I'm just checking a couple of places. Yes. Naturalizer also makes shoes in wide, and they have gotten much trend, much more trendy,

Kate: I will say. Hope for sure.

Doree: So that is

Kate: Another's atos. I'm just looking real quick. I meant to look this up before. I like Mato shoes.

Doree: Maisto

Kate: Shoes. Do they come in wide? Yes, they do make com them. They're not always stylish. Some of their shoes are a little old stuffy, but some of them are cute. The other thing I might, the only thought I have, and this really depends on what size shoe you wear is, I wonder, and I don't know the science of shoe width, but I wonder if you found men's wide shoes that they would be more generous than women's size wide shoes?

Doree: I had that thought, and I didn't say it because just, and maybe I'm wrong here, but based on this listener's email, my takeaway was that they were looking for kind of stylish shoes. And I do think that men's shoes, it's a different vibe. You know what I mean?

Kate: I do. I end up wearing a lot of men's shoes because I'm a size 11 women. Women.

Doree: But men's fancy sandals. No, no.

Kate: <laugh>. No, no, I know what you mean. I'm not wearing a men's fancy sandal. No. It's more like, yes, if I wanted a cool pair of Nikes, I can buy men's or like Yes. Et cetera. Totally. Yes. It does depend on the style of shoe for sure. And there that does not to say there. You can't. Yeah. Yes, I agree with you. So maybe

Doree: We have some, My husband has my husband, he buys I think, extra wide shoes, and so that's something that he has to deal with as well. The other thing that I would say is if your exact width, I'm looking on Zappo's website, and you can search by wide. And they have different degrees of wide. They have E, double E and triple E all the way up to nine E, which I assume is quite wide. And then they also have W and ww, which I assume just stands for wide and extra wide. But these various ees seem promising,

Kate: Seemed like where it's at, getting to the

Doree: Ease. So I don't know, you could see how that works out. And at the very least, they might show you some brands that carry wide shoes. Also, Zappos has a good return policy, so you could order a bunch of stuff. And if they don't fit, you can easily send them back.

Kate: Yeah, they do have a good return policy. Well, Doree, let's wrap up just by reading this text message dedicated to you. Oh, this person writes. Okay. I just listened to App 2 27, and when I got to the part about Doree waking up at three to 4:00 AM some nights I could totally relate. My unsolicited advice is give to it. I was waking up around 4:00 AM most mornings. I got up with that for a bit, then slowly started sleeping a bit later. I now consistently get up at 4 45 and take time to have my coffee and do something for me before everyone else is up. I am an artist. And having the hour and a half or so to sit at my desk and listen to a podcast and drink coffee has improved my life immensely. I look forward to 4:00 AM now. It's not something I ever saw myself doing, but I love it. So try giving in for a bit. Find a routine that feels like self-care and a splurge for you.

Doree: I honestly wish I could do this, but I feel literally nauseous when I wake up too early.

Kate: I do too.

Doree: I, and I feel so horrible the rest of the day that I just can't, Like maybe if I train my body to fall asleep at eight and then I woke up at four, that would be different. But if I'm falling asleep at my regular 10 30, 11, and then I wake up at four, it's just not enough sleep for me. It's just not. So I wish I could give into it, but I need more sleep.

Kate: So same boat. Same boat.

Doree: And I woke up again last night at 3 45.

Kate: No, you did.

Doree: I sure did. And I couldn't fall back asleep till like five 30. Oh. And then my alarm, I set an alarm because Henry's little wake up light turns green at seven 16, and he immediately wants to get out of his crib. And so I tried to get up at, By 7 0 5, my alarm went off and I drifted back to sleep. And then at seven 20, I sort of jerked awake and he was screaming for me. And I was like, Oh my God, I feel so bad.

Kate: Oh,

Doree: I know. He was like, What Mama was doing? I was like, I was sleeping, bud. I overslept. He was like, Why? And I said, Because I woke up in the middle of the night and I couldn't fall back asleep. And then I fell back asleep, and I overslept why he's in that phase.

Kate: <laugh>. Oh boy. I don't know. It's hard being a grown up.

Doree: I know. I was like, I need to be honest with you. I just overslept <laugh>. Right, right, right. No, great secret here. No, great secret here. Anyway. Yeah.

Kate: Well, thank you, listener. All right. Well, Doree, I'll talk to you later and talk to everybody else later too.

Doree: All right. Bye. Bye.

 
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