Mini-Ep 303: Charming Chaos
Kate and Doree watch some heart-stopping, cute TV and then hear from listeners about travel hacks and reusable containers, disliking a friend’s spouse, and skincare steps.
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Transcript
Kate: Hello, welcome to forever 35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Kate Spencer,
Doree: and I'm Doree Shafrir,
Kate: and we are not experts.
Doree: No, but we are two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.
Kate: And this is a mini episode where we hear from you. We share your comments and your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability.
Doree: And please remember we are podcast host, not experts, and we do always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Kate: If you wanna reach us, hit us up on the Javemes. That's the Google voice.
Doree: No.
Kate: How is that? Doree.
Doree: no. No,
Kate: yeah, yeah. I think you know what? No, I don't take orders from you. No, I'm gonna call it. Javemes.
Doree: I'm gonna vomit. <laugh>.
Kate: hit us up on the Javemes. Leave us a voicemail at tech text at 7 8 1 5 9 1 0 3 9 0. Or you can email us at forever35podcast@gmail.com.
Doree: Listen, all I will say is if you agree with Kate's use of Javemes, <laugh> email us. And if you don't email us also, and we'll see Kate, we'll see, we'll see,
Kate: you know what? This, this is gonna be the battle of the summer. Do we call Google voice Javemes or do we not?
Doree: This is, this is maybe best done on Instagram and Instagram poll.
Kate: Sure. We'll take a poll. We'll take a poll, but I encourage people to all send me texts and voicemails on the Javemes in support of it. You know, I gotta keep you on your toes Doree. I gotta keep it fresh. We've been doing this for four years, you know, I gotta pull out, like pull a card out of my pocket and just throw it on the table and see what you do.
Doree: I guess, I guess you do, I guess you do. And you know what you just did. So congratulations. And just some reminders you can visit our website forever 35 podcast.com for links to everything we mention on the show. We also have everything we mention on the show on our shelves on shopmyshelf.us/forever 35. I'm just once again, going to remind Kate that she did promise everyone a butt care shelf,
Kate: you know, it's on my todo list.
Doree: So now that she is fully recovered or semi fully recovered from COVID.
Kate: I would say semi also got a cough.
Doree: I hope that goes. I hope that goes to the top of your todo list. That is the number one priority. Um, you can follow us on Twitter at forever 35 pod on Instagram at Forever 35 podcast. Join the forever 35 Facebook group at facebook.com/groups/forever 35 podcast, password of serums. You can also sign up for our newsletter forever35podcast.com/newsletter. Um, now Kate, now that out of the way
Kate: we did it,
Doree: You, we did it once again, you have a rather large cast on your arm.
Kate: I, yes, it's a, it's not, it's technically not a cast. It's like a big plastic thing. Well, it looks like one, but it's a big plastic thing that they then like stuff with all this cotton and then wrap in like a giant ACE bandage and then tape. So it's not a hard cast. This is gonna come off at the end of the week. But yes, story. I had my second hand surgery of, you know, the last six months I went under the knife again.
Doree: Okay. And, uh, and how did It go?
Kate: Well, I, it was only, it was in the last 24 hours. It was, it was fine. It actually, I'm not in really any pain and they removed all the hardware that was in my hand and then, uh, removed scar tissue. And I think did something that like loosens up the joints because I don't have full mobility in my hand after breaking it very badly, uh, in the fall. So I will be getting this off, I think later this week and going back into my intensive hand therapy, can't wait to see all my hand therapists again. Um, they are occupational therapists, oftentimes people write in and wanna make sure I know to go to an OT and I do. They are all hand OTs. They're wonderful. Yeah. Hopefully this will give me full range of motion and I will be able to regain strength in my hand and be able to use my right hand, um, you know, as, as well as I did before, because it's been, I can use it, but I don't have a full grip. I don't have full strength. Like I can't, I can't hold like a dog leash with my right hand. Um, hard to like open a jar. Um, it's hard to explain, not having active mobility, but basically my pinky and my index finger. They don't go down all the way on their own. Uh, and passive mobility means I can move them down, like move them into a fist, but even my pinky doesn't go all the way. So, um, it's been a real journey, but it's okay. I feel very lucky, you know, I feel lucky ultimately.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: That's what I had insomnia last night and I was lying in bed. I don't know if it was from like the general anesthesia wearing off or what, but I was like up at 3:00 AM and then of course I did read my latest alien book, but I was just laying there and I was like, you know what? I feel really like, I'm very lucky and fortunate and privileged to be able to get this care and to not have it be a big deal. And I just felt very lucky. I have people who can take care of me. I don't know. I felt a lot of gratitude actually after this, uh, second surgery.
Doree: Wow.
Kate: Yeah. I dunno. I dunno where that came from, but it's.
Doree: talk about a Reframe.
Kate: What I know who knew. I don't know. Maybe again, it was, maybe it was, I was tired and wow. Again, the wearing off of the anesthesia, but I'm, I'm not in a lot of pain, which is really nice and I'm excited to get this giant thing off my hand and to hopefully, you know, get back to work on getting those hand, those fingers, those joints moving.
Doree: Yeah. What is the timeframe? Do you know?
Kate: Oh, I think I'll be in physical therapy. You know, this hand therapy two times a week for the next minimum three months. And even then they don't know if this is gonna, if I'm gonna fully regain the mobility, like this is, you know, this is the second I mean? Yeah. Like I had, you know, I had my original surgery. Um, I had two plates and 16 screws in my hand, which they then gave me in a jar yesterday. But no, I mean, I had, I've had cortisone shots put in, I've done extensive hand therapy and it's, you know, I really fucked up my hand. I really fucked it up, which is I I've never had this like serious, such a serious bone injury in my life. So I, I may never regain full mobility, but again, you know, it is what it is. I'll be okay.
Doree: Okay. All right. Well,
Kate: <laugh>, that's the latest from the hand department.
Doree: Oh my gosh. That's a lot Kate,
Kate: I guess it is.
Doree: Yeah. Um, here's a question for you. Um, what have you been consuming? Pop culture wise whilst you know, Incapacitated.
Kate: <laugh> okay. Well, we haven't even talked about my COVID TV watching.
Doree: No, we have not.
Kate: I already went, I've already talked about how I loved the book book lovers. I read that, I read a bunch of like, you know, Ruby Dixon, alien books while I was, you know, hold up. But Doree, I watched the second season of Russian doll, which I loved.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: I finished somebody somewhere, which is an absolutely beautiful show, which I loved. Then I watched both seasons of starstruck. Have you seen that on HBO?
Doree: Okay. So Kate, I, I mentioned this in my newsletter today, which I get it. You might not have read. It's fine. Um,
Kate: I did, it's about Being 45, but I don't know if I got to that part. Okay. Go on.
Doree: So, um, at the bottom I said that, um, my friend, Kate, Spencer was talking about starstruck.
Kate: Oh my God. Okay.
Doree: And so I started watching it. Oh,
Kate: Oh yes. I see this now right at the bottom. Okay.
Doree: Mm-hmm <affirmative> and I'm really enjoying it. I'm I think, I wanna say I'm five or six episodes into the first. One. I mean, one thing I have to say, one thing that I kind of love about it is the episodes are so short.
Kate: I know. Aren't they great? Isn't that the best part?
Doree: Yes. It's kind of great. I mean, sometimes like, I'm like, wait, wait, I want there to be more. But then other times it is just kind of nice to have like this fun little snack.
Kate: I Love that they are short episodes. I feel like the, maybe the season finale is like a 30 minute. Okay. But otherwise, yeah. Otherwise you can just really Knock it out.
Doree: Yeah. They're mostly like 20 minutes. Yeah.
Kate: Yep. Yep. And also how hot is Tom Kapur?
Doree: He's like, not totally my type. I'm not gonna lie. I, See, I, I obviously think he is objectively attractive, but he's a little, he's a little petite <laugh>
Kate: Okay. All right. Maybe not a short, short person type
Doree: Look, look you like what you like, you know what I mean? Um, but I'm really enjoying the show.
Kate: Well, I have two other shows that I am recently obsessed with, um, heart stopper on Netflix, which is another British show.
Doree: Writing it down.
Kate: Have you Not heard of heart stopper?
Doree: Uh, no.
Kate: Doree I don't.
Doree: Kate you know, I'm kind of out of it.
Kate: Okay. I, I feel like someone described it as like euphoria, but happier. And I've not seen euphoria, but it's, it's a show about teenagers in the UK at, um, a boy's school and a girl's school. And, um, it kind of focuses on this one group of friends, specifically, this boy, Charlie, who is gay and out, and he forms a crush on like the star of the rugby team who becomes his friend and who then, you know, they form a relationship and he begins to kind of deepen his understanding of his own sexuality. And it's just such a beautiful show. I'm upset. I'm I'm rewatching it. I've started watching it again. Wow. I loved it so much. Now then the final show that I've started watching is a Doree Shafrir recommendation, which I'm obsessed with, Which is the hookup. It's the hookup plan. The French show.
Doree: Oh! you're watching it.
Kate: Yeah. I'm like four episodes into the first season and I texted you at some point and I was like, is this show gonna destroy me? Because I'm so obsessed with the two, the main character and her love interest. And I'm just like, this is gonna, something's gonna happen. That's gonna hurt me in this. Sh I know this show's gonna hurt, but I'm invested I'm in. So thank you. It's so good. Doree was right. Everybody. The hookup
Doree: Plan it's isn't
Kate: It? Yeah. Which is on Netflix. It's it's excellent.
Doree: Yes, it is on Netflix. It is in French. Although I watch it, I watch it in French with subtitles. I, I think you can watch it dubbed.
Kate: I also watch it French and subtitles. I like everything with subtitles. I don't. I like hearing the original language that's
Doree: Language. We're
Kate: We're we're Francophiles
Doree: We're fancy, but you know, we were just kidding. There's there's nothing. There's nothing good or bad about watching a show with subtitles or Don? No, no, it is entirely one's preference. Um, but I'm so glad you were finally watching the hooka plan. It does feel like a show that was like, kind of made for you. So no,
Kate: I'm like annoyed at like, this is one of the shows where I'm like, why didn't I ever think, like, I love the show so much. It's like too perfect. Also
Doree: The, the main, I know you like resisted it. You resisted it for a long time.
Kate: I think that the French gets in the way where I'm like, am I gonna really like this? If it's French humor, but I, I do. I do really like it.
Doree: It's great. Uh, yeah. And the main that the main guy I will agree with you is extremely
Kate: Hot. It's like a problem. Like I like, I
Doree: He's extremely hot and you know, you know who else is hot, even though they kind of make him like a little bit of a loser is, um, max,
Kate: Is that the brother?
Doree: Yes. No, not the brother. Not the brother. The ex-boyfriend
Kate: Oh, yes. He is hot too. Yeah, let's be, let's be honest, everyone on the show is hot.
Doree: They're all hot. Yeah. There's
Kate: No one that I saw on the show where I was like, I wouldn't make out with you, everybody. I was like, yeah. In even her dad, I was like, great. Put him Adam to the list Anyway. Thank you for, Hmm. Anyway, thank you for that recommendation. Do so. That's what's up with me. Well shows and, and bones.
Doree: You're so welcome. And thank you for the stars, Trek recommendation. You know what? It's scratching. It's scratching the lovesick itch.
Kate: Oh, I love that show. Yes. It, it totally,
Doree: I love that show. It's
Kate: Charming people in their twenties living in London. It's that kind of like contemporary? Yes.
Doree: Charming, British Charming, but like messy people.
Kate: Yes. Charming chaos, if you will.
Doree: Well, should we tell
Kate: The folks what starstruck
Doree: Is even about? Um, oh yeah, we probably should.
Kate: I, I, we totally neglected to do that. <laugh> we just talked about, we just talked about a show. We, we just talked about a million shows, but never told the people. Yeah. What they're about starstruck is about a, um, a woman at a new year's Eve party who has a one night stand and then wakes up and discovers that the man she had a one night stand with is actually a famous actor. And then they, they might start dating and just, we see what happens. And then the hookup plan, where to even begin, it's also about a messy friend group, but in Paris. And in order to help a friend get over a breakup, her best girlfriends, hire her a male escort, unbeknownst to her, she thinks she's just dating a guy.
Doree: Yeah. Yeah.
Kate: Do you sense a theme?
Doree: Um, yeah, so, okay, great. Great chat. Great TV chat. Uh, should we take a little break and hear from some listeners?
Kate: Oh, I can't wait. We've got some, some fun comments and questions when we get back.
Doree: All right. B Doree, we received
Kate: A couple, um, listener comments and suggestions about travel size containers.
Doree: I'm excited about this because I am, I am ready for some good travel size containers.
Kate: Okay. Well, this person wrote.
Email: hello, Kat and Dor. A listener from Canada here. I listened to your episode about travel size containers. And while I thought your solutions were totally reasonable, I felt you could have talked more about reusable containers. Could you try a fruit few brands out on the pod? I recently participated in a spring river valley cleanup in my city and was saddened by the disposable plastic stuff that was everywhere, bags, containers, et cetera. As a global society, we need to move past disposable plastic. This is even more of an issue in countries that lack the infrastructure for recycling my 2 cents on this as I hadn't been too mindful in the past, but now try to use this stuff only when absolutely necessary. Thank you for the amazing pod.
Kate: Okay. I then before I offer up two suggestions that I like another listener wrote to us with a suggestion that I actually have done, and they wrote.
Text: contact lenses, lens cases, make great sample slash travel containers for liquids and creams. If you don't need much, they should be totally liquid tight. But I would beware potentially with oils because some oils can swell plastics. I prefer the ones with the flip caps. Since there's no way you can lose the cap.
Kate: Have you ever tried that? I know you're not a con I have like a million contact lens cases.
Doree: Yeah. So I'm not a, I'm not a contact lens wearer. So this, this like never really presented itself organically as a solution for me. Um, but I am happy to try. I mean, like, I, I, I take this listener's point that they're designed to be leak proof. Um,
Kate: Yeah. It's actually a great suggestion.
Doree: Yeah. Um, so yeah. Kate, do you have any extras lying around?
Kate: You know, I, I do. Um, I actually, this is actually the kind of thing that I should share with people because every time I buy contact solution, they include like at least one to two contact cases. So, oh my gosh. I often acquire. Yeah. I'll have like 30 contact cases and I have done this. I just,
Doree: I will happily.
Kate: They're great.
Doree: I will happily take some off your hands.
Kate: Okay. You just need to label them, you know, like when I've done this in the past, I've put like face cream. I use like scotch tape in a permanent marker. And I just label each little one because sometimes it can be hard to differentiate. Um, another listener did write in and recommend cadence, which are like fancy.
Doree: Yeah. I get their
Kate: Refillable containers.
Doree: I get their Facebook ads all the time.
Kate: Yeah, same, but I've never tried them. They're very appealing looking, albeit pricey. Um, I will say I have, I have a couple of things from REI that I use. They're both by a brand called human gear. I have these things called go tub, little containers, which are these kind of like, how do, how do I describe them? You squeeze the sides and the top pops off. So I use these for cream. I use them for pills. I'll bring like a couple, you know, Tums and put them in there. And then this same company makes this like stackable, um, interlocking container is what it's called, they're called stacks. And they're, they're great. We'll link to all of these things, but I have used these like camping and traveling. And the nice thing is they they're like four little containers that screw onto each other. So they kind of like become the size of one little tiny carryon bottle. If that makes sense.
Doree: I, yeah. I'm, I'm happy to try any or all of these. Not that I'm really well. I am, I am traveling soon, but it's a, it's a car trip, so it's not, it's not like I can't bring, you know, my, my regular size things, but you know what? I will test some of these things out. This is a great suggestion. All right, Kate, we also have a voicemail.
Voicemail: Hi, I have a question. Um, my friend, my best friend of many years is getting married in July. I am planning her bachelorette party and I have a thinking feeling in my stomach. Um, I've never felt this way with a friend getting married before, and it's not unfounded. Um, her fiance, um, cheats on her earlier in the relationship, it's been a 10 year relationship twenties and just meet up with anyone or talk to anyone. And my best friend is going through with marriage. Um, I feel I'm having nightmares. I feel sick to my, about this. I've told her before very politely, um, that I don't agree with this, but I'm not a confrontational person. And I also don't want to lose my best friend. So I'm wondering if I should bring it up again with her getting married in just two months. Um, we've been talking about this. We talked about this earlier in January and kinda, uh, haven't talked about it since. So, um, do you think I should talk to my best friend about whether or not she should marry this guy? <laugh>, um, I'm afraid of losing her, but I'm also feel so sick to my stomach about this entire thing. And it makes it really, really hard.
Voicemail: That's where at party, when you're not excited for the person that you love so much. So that's one question and then the other one, um, I'll say really quickly is that, uh, there's the three best friends, um, that we've only known each other, that we've all known each other for decades. Um, the, the other person does not know, um, my best friend asked her to not tell her. And that's also making me really sick to my stomach because, um, I talked to the, this other, uh, best friend every single day, we plan are planning the bachelorette parties together. Um, she is a co made of honor, um, and it makes me feel absolutely sick to my stomach that I'm keeping this huge, huge, huge secret from her. Um, man, it's just a really hard situation and I would love some wise advice from you and your listeners. Um, thank you so much.
Kate: They got cut off. They've got a lot going on there.
Doree: Well, Kate, I have some thoughts.
Kate: Let me just buckle up my seatbelt because I feel like I'm in for a wild ride.
Doree: As much as it pains me to say this. I don't think you should talk to your friend again about this and I'll tell you why she already knows. She already knows all of this. She knows she's marrying a piece of shit. And for whatever reason, low self-esteem lack of confidence, anxiety, fear, whatever, whatever it is. I don't know. I'm not going to sit here and armchair diagnose her. She's going through with it.
Doree: We all know this is not going to end well, this is not gonna end well, this guy sucks. He, I mean, I don't believe him when he says he's not meeting up with people. Like, why the fuck are you on Bumble then? Like, okay, so he's lying. Um, and he's gonna keep doing this. I mean, like, we all know this he's been doing it. He's probably done it a million other times that she doesn't even know about. So like he sucks, like we've established this. He sucks. However, she is going to need a friend when this shit all hits the fan because it will. And I worry that if you, you know, push her away now, I think, I think she needs you more than you need to take a public stand about this. If that makes sense.
Kate: Yeah. I think your point of view is, is accurate. I mean, I think you can express your concerns to a friend, but ultimately you cannot live their relationships for them. Yeah. They have to figure all this out on their own. And oftentimes friends are going to partner with people who are awful and they may stay with them. Yep. This may be your friend's spouse for the rest of your lives together. Mm-hmm <affirmative> this is not to say that you have to like the person or approve of the person or not verbalize it. No, but I think that, I think that you're right Doree, like this is not you can't um, I think you have to accept your friend for where they are. And I would say the bachelorette party is about celebrating the fact, the friend, and about creating a nice experience for her. I believe her pronoun, the pronoun is her not about celebrating.
Kate: You don't have to, if it makes your stomach curl, you don't have to make it like everybody let's guess Dave's 10 favorite foods. Like you don't have to make it about their <laugh> about him or their, you know, their wedding. But I do think, I do think that your friend can be celebrated and probably needs to be celebrated and needs that support. Now I will say, I totally see you. It is really hard. Yeah. Standing by when the people you love and the people you love, who you see their greatness and they are not treated with respect and they remain in relationships that are with harmful people. It's really hard. And I also am sorry that you've been put in a position of having to keep secrets because that
Doree: Yes, yes. Sucks. That sucks.
Kate: So I think you can, you can express your discomfort with that. All of that. I think you, you don't have to silence your truths, but I agree that you,
Doree: No, you
Kate: Don't need to try to agree with that steer this ship, you know?
Doree: No. The, the other thing that I will say is that, and this, I, I, I acknowledge that this goes a little bit against what I said previously, but the other thing that I will say is that we never know the full story of someone else's relationship. And we don't know, we don't know what your friend is getting out of this relationship. Like there might be some aspect of it that is very beneficial to her. Um, and so, you know, I, I just wanna kind of acknowledge that. What, from what you've said, it sounds toxic, but like, I do just wanna acknowledge that, like, we don't always know the full story. And like I say this because of experience with either like friends who are with someone who I don't like, or, you know, whatever, it's like, okay. Like Kate was saying, like, I'm not, I don't have to be married to them. They are clearly getting something out of this that like, I am not a part of. And like, that's fine. I don't need to be a part of their relationship. Mm-hmm <affirmative> um, so, you know, I, I just wanna kind of put that out there. I mean, I think when it comes to infidelity, it does get a little messier, but, but in general, the like, I don't like my friend's partner, I think is often a little bit more complicated than maybe we're making it out to be, I don't know. Yeah. Just a thought
Kate: Good luck. This is a really hard situation to be in. I, and I don't know of anything I've said is the right thing, but it's really hard. And you're a good friend for caring so deeply. It sounds like you really, really love this person. And it's tough, really tough position that you have, you are in.
Doree: I mean, the, the, like the vigilante in me thinks that like, this guy should be entrapped. <laugh>
Kate: Like, how
Doree: That's, you know what I
Kate: Mean? I was about to say like follow the teachings of Alanon because I do think the teachings of Alanon always come in really handy in situations like this, in that you cannot, you cannot change the other person. You can only like set boundaries for yourself and protect yourself. But I also like Doree, I also like Doree's plan of creating a fake Bumble account and catfishing this guy. Yeah. I also like Doree's plan
Doree: <laugh> all right. Well, should
Kate: Do that Doree. What if, why don't we create a business where we do that for people?
Doree: Oh my gosh.
Kate: You would be so good at that.
Doree: You know what I think I would, I think it would be too depressing.
Kate: It would, it would be, it would suck. I know it
Doree: Would be, so it would be so dark, but it would be fun. All we're gonna take a we'll. Okay. We have returned with a text.
Text: This may be a really stupid question, but is facial oil supposed to go on last, please advise,
Kate: First of all, there's no stupid questions, period. But especially about skincare stuff. I'm still wondering all these things, but the answer is yes.
Doree: Yes. But I will say that like, sometimes there's like an oily serum that goes on, like they say to put on before your moisturizer
Kate: Go. Do you have an oily serum?
Doree: Well, like the RIS beauty, Eler beauty. Elixer beauty. Eler beauty. Eler um, I believe they say to put on before the moisturizer.
Kate: I don't think I've used. That is that oily.
Doree: The consistency to, to me is oily. So I don't know. And same with like the Saint, the Saint Jane, um, luxury beauty serum. That is also, I find quite oily, but it's technically a serum.
Kate: Yeah. This is where I get a little muddled.
Doree: I don't know. Just putting that out there.
Kate: I, I hear you. I normally do an oil last after the moisturizer, if I'm using one
Doree: Same. Um, yeah.
Kate: Well, we have another skincare question to round out this segment.
Text: A question about facial mists, parentheses toner, do people just spray and apply the next prod or do we spray and use our hands to ensure full coverage? I used to do the former, but I've recently switched to the ladder. Is there a right way?
Kate: Doree? I spray. And sometimes I pat, but other times I don't and I just go for the next product. I don't know if there's a right way.
Doree: I don't generally use toner. So I don't feel qualified answering this question.
Kate: <laugh> I mean, sometimes you want your face wet, especially like, if you're going from a toner, speaking of oil, like if you're gonna use an oil, I believe you want your face damp for the oil. So, um, but I do see a lot of like YouTubers pressing in tos, pressing in, um, oh my God. What's the word? APUS. APUS. There is like a press
Doree: Uhhuh
Kate: Element that can be done. I know like, um, Vintner's daughter does a lot of face pressing with their, uh, toner product. I think you, you can do either. There's no right or wrong here. Listener. I think you're you're okay.
Doree: Yeah. Vintner's does a lot of pressing.
Kate: Yeah. A lot of pressing, I don't know, Doree. I don't know the answer to this one.
Doree: Well, Kate, it's been a pleasure.
Kate: We talked, we really went all over the place.
Doree: Yeah. We really went all over the place.
Kate: It's really quite a thing to go from like a cheater on Bumble to just toner. But that's what I like about this show.
Doree: Yeah, same, same. All right. Well, we will talk to you all again
Kate: Very soon. Bye everybody.
Doree: Bye.