Episode 333: Taking Stock with Jenny Yang
TW: This episode contains discussion about miscarriages.
Doree and Elise get ready to sign off for the end of the year before comedian and TV writer Jenny Yang joins them to discuss creating vision boards and journals after experiencing extreme burnout, the importance of having friends you can bounce your thoughts off of, and why feeling like you are part of a community is a form of resistance in America.
Mentioned in this Episode
Connect with Jenny Yang:
To leave a voicemail or text for a future episode, reach them at 781-591-0390. You can also email the podcast at forever35podcast@gmail.com.
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Transcript
The transcript for this episode Ai generated.
Doree (00:10):
Hello and welcome to Forever 35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Doree Shafrir
Elise (00:17):
And I'm Elise Hu. And we are two friends who like to talk a lot about serums, and this is the last interview episode of 2024 for us, the last fresh one. We'll have something special in store for you for the next two weeks, but this is the last sort of new interview that we have for Forever 35 in 2024. Wild. I can't believe the time has gone by so fast. I know Kate stepped away at the end of May. I jumped in the summer for our trial run and then came on formally in the fall. And here we are. And the year's just gone.
Doree (00:55):
The year's just gone. I know it's a little scary.
Elise (00:59):
Time is a flat circle, man. Time
Doree (01:01):
Is a flat circle. How's everything going?
Elise (01:05):
Good. I am going to be traveling for the holidays, so I've been doing a lot of furious Christmas shopping for my relatives. Well, relatives, really. My brother, my nuclear family, my family of origin, my brother and his wife, and my nieces and nephews. And I also am packing up our matching Christmas pajamas, so we have them for the five of us when we were all together.
Doree (01:33):
Oh my gosh, abroad.
Elise (01:35):
But overall, I'm good. I feel like morale is good. We're getting to the end of the year. We're going to get a little bit of time off. I'm always down with that. What about you? Give me the update.
Doree (01:48):
The update. Well, so I know your kids are off next week. My son is not off next week, so he will still have school next week. So I feel like I'm not fully in holiday mode yet because Yay for you.
Elise (02:05):
You get to have another week of school.
Doree (02:07):
Yeah, you have another week of sort of normal schedule. So yeah. So I'm not quite in the same mode. My sister-in-law did just reach out to say that she wants to plan a big family vacation for next December.
Elise (02:29):
Oh, wow.
Doree (02:30):
She's a real planner. Then
Elise (02:32):
Where will you all go? Where is this vacation to?
Doree (02:34):
So that is the discussion happening right now. Where will we go? And it's three of us kids plus our families. So spouses, five grandchildren, and then my parents. It's a large group.
Elise (02:55):
I like that. So long as you're not all staying under one roof. I am. So for it. No, no, no, no. God no. Yeah, we travel this way I guess every year or every couple of years because my parents like to get us all together.
Doree (03:08):
Oh, that's so fun.
Elise (03:09):
I should mention my parents are celebrating their 45 year wedding anniversary, and so we're all going to be together for that because their anniversaries December 18th, and so it's always right around Christmas and every five years we take a family photo. So they have everything from year zero when it was just the two of them to year five when there was Roger and me, and then year 10, 15, 20. And as our families have expanded, yeah, they love it. So that's going to be really nice.
Doree (03:40):
That's really cool. So as you know, we're not traveling this year and I'm trying to think of some ways to make the holiday season feel special. Haven't come up with much.
Elise (04:01):
Has Henry tried ice skating yet? Because the ice skating rink in Santa Monica is open.
Doree (04:07):
If they have hot chocolate there, he will a hundred percent be touch. That's all it takes. You can get hot chocolate at the end. He'll be like, great, I'll do anything. So yeah, we're going to one of those Christmas holiday light extravaganzas this weekend. Yeah, he loves those, so
Elise (04:32):
That'll be fun. Yeah, me too. I love Christmas lights. I love everything getting all lit up and decorated and twinkly and sparkly. Oh
Doree (04:42):
Yeah. He also, he loves lights and he loves cozy, so he loves strings of lights. So he had Halloween lights up in his room for a while and he recently switched over to his Christmas lights. So dear like that, it's very sweet. So yeah. Oh my God. I meant to tell you that I got Bo aco a Costco dog shirt.
Elise (05:23):
Oh, you're going to have wear clothes. I have been on the fence about this. Do I get my dog clothes?
Doree (05:29):
So Bo loves clothes. Bo loves getting into clothes. However, I stupidly did not really look at the size chart, and I think I bought a size too small, so it's going to be annoyed. I know. So I'm like, I either shove him into it or I have to go through the whole hassle of returning it to Costco, which is a whole thing. But they do have a very cute Kirkland logo dog shirt.
Elise (06:04):
Oh, that is all you needed to say. So think
Doree (06:08):
Oscar might think all you say girl.
Elise (06:10):
Oh yeah, he does. He has not worn any clothes before. And this might be his first shirt.
Doree (06:16):
This is what I'm saying. You know what? I can bring it. I'm going to see you tomorrow. Actually, I can bring it if you think it will fit Oscar, it will be my gift to him.
Elise (06:29):
Oh, thank you. Yeah, because he's still not full sized.
Doree (06:34):
Right, exactly. That's what I'm thinking. I actually think at full size, this would not fit him, but maybe for Christmas 2024 it will be perfect. Screw fast. And then you can be like, oh, this is his onesie from when he was a baby. Oh
Elise (06:53):
Yeah. I'll put it in his scrapbook. Yeah, you're keeping a scrapbook, right? No, just kidding. First paw print. I didn't do any of that stuff. I didn't do any of that stuff and now it's too late. Well, thank you for thinking of Oscar.
Doree (07:11):
Oh my gosh. Well, I just thought of it, but I was like, oh my God. I need to tell Elise, I also send you today a Reddit post where someone had gone to Costco in Taiwan,
Elise (07:26):
Which my mom loves. It
Doree (07:27):
Looks amazing. I mean, I do feel
Elise (07:29):
Like Oh, so much good stuff.
Doree (07:30):
Yeah, Costcos in other countries are just the coolest.
Elise (07:35):
Yeah. They do so much work to supply what locals want. So oh my gosh. The Costcos in Korea had abundant seafood, just so much fresh seafood, and I really miss the seafood selection at Korea, Costco, but then also just snacks and frozen things because they try and use local suppliers for Costcos in various regions.
Doree (08:01):
Oh, that's very cool.
Elise (08:02):
Yeah. And then Koreans make something called, I can't remember. It's essentially a salad with all of the free onions and relish that they give you for the Costco hotdog stop. Yeah. They pile onions and relish on a plate and then put ketchup and mustard all over it before eating a greasy hotdog. Because the Korean palette is so used to mixing different textures. You're not going to eat Korean barbecue, for example, without having a bunch of bon on the starter dishes first, like kimchi and sprouts and a lot of vegetable type things, ramps. And so the equivalent, so Koreans have found this hack at Korean Costco where they only serve things like chicken, bacon and hot dogs by making a salad out of the free and relish. Okay, that is next level. It's so cool. Genius. Yeah, and Maddie, my ex-husband noticed this. He wrote a piece about it for the LA Times. I'll have to find it and link to y'all and see if, I don't know everything's so, so who knows whether we can even share it, but it's very cool. I can't remember what it's called, if it's called like Costco salad or Costco kimchi, maybe it's called Costco kimchi. But it is very fun. It's a fun tradition.
Doree (09:24):
That is so cool. I love that so much.
Elise (09:26):
I'm glad you brought up Taiwan actually, because Jenny Yang, today's guest is Taiwan born.
Doree (09:34):
What a great segue.
Elise (09:36):
Yes,
Doree (09:39):
She's amazing. And yeah, do you want to introduce her?
Elise (09:43):
Sure. She's a Taiwan born Los Angeles raised standup comedian and TV writer. You have probably seen the work of Jenny Yang or seen Jenny Yang or she's on your feeds already. She was named one of Variety's top 10 comics to watch. She recently starred Opposite the Great Michelle Yo as an assassin in the Netflix action comedy drama. The brother's son. She for many years hosted a monthly stage show called Self-Help Me, a competitive self-care comedy show. So she is an ideal guest for us Do you can find her online in many places, which she will mention at the end of our interview.
Doree (10:24):
Before we get to Jenny and take a little break, I do just want to remind everyone that you can visit our website forever 35 podcast.com. We have links there to everything we mention on the show. You can follow us on Instagram at FE 35 podcast. Our Patreon is at patreon.com/forever 35. Our favorite products are at shop my.us/forever three five. And you can sign up for the Forever 35 newsletter at Forever 35 podcast.com/newsletter. And please call text us (781) 591-0390. Email us at Forever 35 podcast@gmail.com. Don't forget about us over the holidays. Send us text, send us call in, send us emails, let us know how your holidays are going. Did anything funny happen? Did anything weird happen? Did anything awkward happen? Did you see any free bowlers? We want to know.
Elise (11:17):
We want to know all. Yeah, the lines will be available and open even if we are not putting out fresh episodes.
Doree (11:24):
Yes. Okay. Now we'll take a break and when we return, we'll be chatting with Jenny. We'll be right back. We'll be right back.
Elise (11:43):
Jenny Yang, thank you so much for joining us.
Jenny Yang (11:46):
I'm so happy to be here. Hi.
Elise (11:48):
Hi. Well, we start off all of our interviews with the same question, which is especially sort of relevant for you considering you have some takes on this, which is what are you doing for self-care lately?
Jenny Yang (12:03):
Oh my God, what am I not doing? Is the question, what am I not doing? I don't know about you, but I'm one of those people who think that I take care of myself, but I'm inevitably doing too much. And so it always catches up. I was burnt out this summer, relied on tiktoks instead of therapy, and realized that my TikTok diagnosis is that I am a burnt out batty, trying to live a soft life.
Elise (12:34):
Are you realigned now? Are you living that softer life now?
Jenny Yang (12:38):
And soft life I think is a pejorative, it's a derogatory term sometimes, but for me, a soft life means that because you're aligned, because your boundaries are drawn, because you have the foundation of who you are and what you're living for in place, things can be softer, you can make more room. So a lot of it has been just taking stock of why am I not happy with my life right now? And then being like, how do I need to align my values with the right people and activities?
Doree (13:12):
So what does that look like?
Jenny Yang (13:15):
Oh, a lot of screaming and crying for a hot minute and then confronting my partner to be like, I need more of this. Because that's where it starts. You probably whether or not your partner or your close personal people are the ones responsible. They're a part of whatever you're experiencing. Right? For sure, for sure. So you got to give them a heads up.
Elise (13:39):
Oh yeah, you got to offload because they're going to be your direct targets for offloading.
Jenny Yang (13:44):
They need to know. So that's already happening. For example, I had to talk to my partner, Corey, love him so much about how I sleep. We sleep very differently. He needs to watch television and I don't. And in all of my life, of course, I fall in love with a man for the first time, forces me to television before we sleep and he needs it to sleep. You know what I'm saying? It's like little things like that that I think I didn't realize it was getting to me and had to be like, I know this is hard, but I really need this. And it was good. So he's respected my sleep boundaries ever since and it's been nice.
Elise (14:21):
Good. So it sounds
Jenny Yang (14:22):
A good example.
Elise (14:23):
Yeah, I was going to say, it sounds like your self-care then has been just drawing your boundaries, figuring out what they needed to be and then actually holding to them.
Jenny Yang (14:34):
Yes. I think the other thing, other than drawing boundaries and communicating your needs, which is something that's been just a lifelong journey, it's been reorienting what's important in my life. I think what was happening is the core of who I am and my values was slowly getting eroded by people or jobs or fixations or the world events. Anything that stresses you out or makes you unhappy or doesn't really fuel you and it kind of takes from you. And that could be so many things. It could be relationships, it could be world events. So yeah, I had to be like, okay, I need to declutter all of that. Re-remember who I am takes of how I'm spending my time, whether it's engaging with social media or not, and who are my relationships? Am I in touch with the right people I need to be in touch with for personal reasons and professional reasons. It's a lot. And then I dunno about you, but I work in the entertainment industry. I think with a lot of industries, there's been a lot of layoffs, there's been a lot of contraction. And so that's been an issue is to be like, oh, how do I need to rethink my business model, for lack of a better term,
Elise (15:58):
For
Jenny Yang (15:58):
Surviving. Right. Yeah.
Elise (16:00):
This is and I about journalism and we were just talking about how precarious it is. Hey, I have to book my next year, or I have to kind of know where my projects are going to be in the next year so that I can pay for my life. And it does feel like a constant hustle. So that's good. So where are you at now, Jenny? What would you vibe check, what would you say your vibe is now as we close out the year?
Jenny Yang (16:26):
My vibe is clarity, and that's what I wanted by the end of the year. I think clarity, I know what my paths are. I think burnout, the summer was a lot of like, oh, everything feels fucked with a capital F
Elise (16:39):
For sure.
Jenny Yang (16:41):
Whatever that means for you, whether that's your love life, your whatever, everything in between. And so instead of just a big heavy, everything feels fucked. We now have been able to clear things away to be like, okay, what is exactly fucked and how fucked is it? And how do we get out of that? What are some solutions? I love a solution. Love a practical way out of a depressive episode. Same. Yeah. So that's frankly, I feel like, and I think a lot of it has been commiserating and talking to friends and trusted people and about you, but during the pandemic, I feel like there's been a lot of upheaval with people's social networks and friendships,
Elise (17:25):
Professional
Jenny Yang (17:26):
And personal. People's values have been forced to realign. I feel like even ever since the Trump administration even. And I feel like that's just been a constant churn. And I felt that a lot with the pandemic. And so I think there was a lot of that of being like, okay, who are my people? Really? Who are the people that you can really count on? Who are the people that you still align with your values for it? Because when things get harder, you need more of your foundation to be stronger. Right?
Elise (17:56):
Yeah. What do you feel like you took away from this period of burnout, not just in the summer, but just as you've realigned your life and figured out how to recover from being an overachiever as you have described yourself as,
Jenny Yang (18:11):
Yeah, it's like overachiever over producer, over doer. You know what I call it? I call it, it's not even like I'm an overachiever, so therefore that's a compliment to myself. It's like it's a problem. It's a problem. And I feel like a lot of women especially hold up more than half of their world and that so many people get burned out because of that. And it's like, I call it the group project problem. Remember in high school how you had to be in group projects, you couldn't choose who you're with, and you knew there were the people who did all the work and the people who didn't do shit. What did I learn?
Elise (18:44):
Yeah, just your takeaways because it seems like you are on the other side.
Jenny Yang (18:49):
I am more on the other side more. We should not have had this conversation even three months ago.
Elise (18:57):
Wow,
Jenny Yang (18:58):
Okay. She was vision boarding, she was journaling. I still am. There's nothing
Elise (19:04):
Wrong with that. I'm a lifelong journaler.
Jenny Yang (19:07):
Yeah, no, it's good. It's a really reliable tool to know yourself. And also
Doree (19:15):
Vision boarding is so, it's so calming because you're kind of like you're projecting this image of who you want to be in the future and kind of tangibly, there's something powerful about tangibly putting down that imagery that I really like. I used to make a vision board every New Year's. And you know what? I haven't done that in a few years and maybe that's why my life is kind of going awry.
Jenny Yang (19:40):
Yeah. Oh no's. Because of the vision board, the last,
Doree (19:44):
Because I haven't been vision boarding, so that's solution. I think there is something to it.
Jenny Yang (19:50):
What was on
Doree (19:50):
Your vision board? What was happening?
Jenny Yang (19:53):
Well, it's not so much a vision board, but it's more of a sticky note conversation, a mapping of life and ambitions. Wasn't until the summer when I had my burnout and I had to stop everything and found a therapist that I actually did this thing that my friend had done with her, which is to sit down with a trusted friend and talk through what are the things that you care about, what are the things that you're working on? What are the things that you were working on? And just map everything. If it feels over, it's like a brain dump of stuff, and then you can get a bigger picture of themes and where you want to be and where you're at.
Elise (20:28):
And this is just a good friend. This wasn't like an executive coach or something that was working with you on this?
Jenny Yang (20:33):
No, it's a good friend. I worked with her because I was trying to help her with some website stuff, and Chef Wendy Zang, in case you're curious, and she had her trusted business partner sit down and do this process with her. And she used to actually work in a corporate situation where she probably did this actually with her team. But once you map out all the different things that you want or that you've been doing projects that you want to do, then you take a look and you group them in a little map and you see what are some themes. So it's both a theme to be like, oh, this is who I'm, this is what I'm about. But also you can sit there and think through what are some words to describe where I'm in my life and who I'm right. So little taglines, that's where I came up with the bird batty, trying to live a soft life. It was TikTok and through this process.
Elise (21:24):
So is the takeaway to just kind of get granular with it or actually get definitive and introspective and map things out, or define where you're at, define where you want to go, actually put some words and containers around it.
Jenny Yang (21:43):
Yeah, I think instead of just having it be a big, this is fucked mess in your head, it's always good to externalize it. We internalize too much. I feel like most people, we internalize too much, especially if you're socialized fem. And so you put it out there, either journal or even have a conversation with friends because also you won't feel so alone. And then you might get genuine trusted feedback from someone to be like, you know what? It sounds like you're really wanting this or you're experiencing this, and maybe that's the direction that you want to go.
Elise (22:16):
It's a reminder of how your friends can really reflect back to you what they're hearing from you and the themes that are emerging that you might not be able to notice or take notice of yourself.
Doree (22:27):
Yeah, that's such a good point.
Jenny Yang (22:29):
Yeah. I feel like if we're forever three five, we're going to forever need to balance so many things around this age. And I feel like we can sleepwalk through life, which I think a lot of people choose to, or if you really want to do something about that feeling of everything is fucked or things have been going awry, God, you got to stop and take stock.
Doree (22:57):
A lot of times I think people only really hear advice that they want to hear, and it's also hard to be that person for your friend. So I think I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that with a lot of my friends, which is maybe an issue for me to work through. That is
Jenny Yang (23:18):
Honestly yes, because some of the mapping that you can do beside what you're thinking about, what you're working on, what I've worked on and your hopes and dreams is who do you want to surround yourself with? And honestly that when you start mapping that out, who do you surround yourself with? Who do you want to be surrounded with? Who are you acquainted with that you'd like to move into closer to your inner circle? Who do you want to move out of your inner circle bitch, please? Okay, everyone take a deep breath.
Elise (23:49):
Yeah, seriously, this is take and pack a lunch. This is a lot. Yeah.
Jenny Yang (23:54):
I feel like that's also a level of clarity to be like, okay, this is who I'm going to invest in, who these are the people I'm going to pour myself into.
Elise (24:03):
Yes. Yes. Okay. Let's take a break and we will be right back.
Doree (24:16):
Sorry, this is a terrible segue, but people often talk about, speaking of journeys, people talk about fertility journeys, and this year you got really public with a lot of it, and I also have been really public with my fertility journey, so I really empathize with a lot of what you've been going through. How did talking about that, how did that go over with people and how did that affect you and how you thought about everything that was happening?
Jenny Yang (24:53):
Most of my life, I never aspired for a picket fence wedding and kids and all of that thing. But it wasn't until, frankly, I got into my thirties that I realized, oh no, actually I think I'm capable of and might want to be a mother. And it wasn't until, but my priority was to find love. And so I found this amazing partner who also wanted kids, and that was what we wanted to do immediately, even if we didn't get married sin. So I got pregnant and I got a first miscarriage, and I think that's where I started to educate myself a lot about things and really had to be like, wow, am I really committed to this fertility journey? Do I really want kids? And so we figured out a fertility doctor, and I've basically done since 2022 miscarriages and eight rounds of IVF treatments.
Doree (25:50):
Wow.
Jenny Yang (25:51):
Six of which were the egg retrievals. Were not done any anesthesia, just sort of local. Just local. So I was not asleep for that, which is a huge regret of mine because that trauma lingers
Elise (26:06):
The pain that women must endure. It's just,
Jenny Yang (26:09):
Yeah. So I know if everyone could see their faces now, you're both,
Doree (26:14):
Well, I mean, as someone who did egg retrievals under anesthesia, I'm like, that's a
Jenny Yang (26:22):
Thing. Could you pray? Yeah. You can feel that thick needle that sucks out the egg. You could feel every poke.
Doree (26:29):
Yeah, no, no, I'm sorry.
Jenny Yang (26:32):
It's a torture device.
Doree (26:33):
Do that.
Jenny Yang (26:34):
Thank you. Yeah, so just to set the stage, I know it's like a total bummer. This is over the course of four years working nonstop during the pandemic as well as my dad dying. So I was just carrying so much. And so I think my summer of 2024 burnout was finally grieving. I was working nonstop between 2018 and Hollywood to April of this year. And then this summer, I think I just finally felt it. You know what it's like in college when it's time for finals and you just power through and then when you go home for Christmas, you all get sick. That's what happens. You were sick the whole time. You just requested it. You postponed it. It's not like you can deny it. It's been happening. You just wait until it comes out.
Elise (27:17):
Your
Jenny Yang (27:17):
Body knows to give you a more opportune time to fall apart. And so this summer, that's what happened. I started to process a lot of that stuff. And what I realized a lot of, I had a lot of anger, disappointment, grief around my dad, around lost pregnancies as well as unsuccessful embryos. And as I don't recommend this for everyone because not everyone's like me, who obviously went into a creative profession to express my feelings. I realized that a big part of my healing is going to have to be making what I've been carrying as an emotional load external because I had to unburden myself and one of the big burdens, I felt so alone around, I wasn't even on Reddit. I did not join any group
Elise (28:08):
To
Jenny Yang (28:09):
Process any of the IVF stuff. And so I just really needed support and to get it off my chest. And so for two years, I did a monthly live comedy show called Self Help Me, a competitive self-care comedy show. It was a satirical game show with comedians and a resident expert on the topic at hand. I did 20 shows, wrote them, wrote new ones every month at dynasty typewriter, and I ended it with fertility, which was the hardest thing. That was the final boss on the video game that was
Doree (28:39):
Mine.
Jenny Yang (28:41):
The first topic in April of 2023 for self-Help me was burnout.
Elise (28:45):
We've
Jenny Yang (28:46):
Covered finances, we've covered love, dating, everything astrology. But I knew fertility is a really important topic that I just wasn't capable of doing. And in a weird way, I kind of forced myself to do it. Our last show, August of this year, and when it was time to write the show, I said, oh, you know what? This is part of my what I need to change about my life. I need to end my run. I did 20 shows in two years. It's done no more. I was supposed to keep going.
Elise (29:15):
I'm sorry. We missed it too.
Jenny Yang (29:17):
Well, I am lucky for you. I am going to figure out a platform to put all of the videos of each of the shows as video, as streaming video on demand.
Elise (29:27):
Very cool.
Jenny Yang (29:28):
Oh, cool. And you can support me that way, so just check, be on the lookout for that. Once I set that up, I think if you're interested in fertility, it's probably the most honest and emotional show. It was the hardest to write. And so in anticipation of that, I publicly put out a series of satirical photos on my Instagram where those pregnancy announcement photos where it's very gauzy and dreamy and it's on the beach and everyone's wearing white, and usually people announce pregnancies with those felt letter boards. It's almost like a thing now, right? Right. It's like a felt letter, board announcement for pregnancy. It's such a thing. So what I did was I imitated that look and instead of a pregnancy announcement, I had everything else looked like a pregnancy announcement. Instead on the letter board, I documented and declared for everyone. All of those things I described in my fertility journey.
Elise (30:28):
Like a Spotify wrapped
Jenny Yang (30:29):
Exactly two
Elise (30:30):
Miscarriages.
Jenny Yang (30:32):
Exactly. Dad guide did IVF. So I had these in a series of photos where I'm obviously not happy, but if you just scroll through the Instagram photos very quickly, you would think immediately, this is a pregnancy announcement photo. I'm wearing an off the shoulder white kind of gauzy top with a skirt. You know what I mean? I'm like, and I'm holding my belly and I'm holding this felt letter board that says two miscarriages, and I'm kind of open mouth screaming, but what's so fucked up? Other than the fact that 99% were just like, I'm so sorry you went through this. And people DMing me with their own stories and making me feel less alone, which was exactly what I was hoping for, and I declared that that was what I was looking for in the caption. I had strangers and even pretty close friends who commented, congratulations, I'm so happy for you. No, what?
Elise (31:36):
Read the image. Just read the image. You don't even have to read the caption because wasn't your tally in the board on the board of the image?
Jenny Yang (31:48):
Yeah, yeah, it said miscarriage.
Elise (31:50):
That's insane.
Jenny Yang (31:51):
But that tells you so much of how quickly people don't engage with the actual posts. Sometimes they just kind of casually flip through it. And I replied, I'm like, take a look at what I wrote. And then they would say, I am so sorry. And then they would delete or they DM me. I had another friend who had no shame, the one that actually knew me had no shame, and she was just like, oh my God, I'm sorry I didn't read that right. And that's it. But when you go through a death, when you go through miscarriages or you go through fertility issues, it's so personal. It's so important to you that it does kind of realign who you can rely on.
Elise (32:35):
It
Jenny Yang (32:36):
Really tells you where people are at, and it doesn't mean that they're not good or that they're not friends still. It just means that you just kind of know who you can rely on, what people are capable of at this moment.
Elise (32:47):
And it sounds like you did overall get a lot of the support that you were seeking. So there is value that was derived from just doing your fertility wrapped on Instagram,
Jenny Yang (33:01):
A hundred percent fertility wrapped instead of Spotify wrapped.
Elise (33:05):
Yeah.
Jenny Yang (33:05):
I know
Elise (33:07):
We have to ask, so the show run is over, of course, this particular
Jenny Yang (33:12):
For self-help me
Elise (33:13):
Self-help me run, but you are a standup comedian. You remain in the space. Would love to know what you're thinking about, what you're finding funny lately as you are making the turn into 2025.
Jenny Yang (33:26):
I don't know, guys. This summer I definitely questioned what was funny during my burnout. I mean, post-election,
Elise (33:36):
We've been really feeling the despair,
Jenny Yang (33:40):
And it's okay to feel some of that because it tells us how much we care. But I've been also, as someone who used to work in politics, I used to work in nonprofits and in as a labor organizer for a number of years, I've been seeking counsel through my trusted politicos and movement people. And I think we have to remember that we have each other and that is what we can trust. It's a bummer because despair means that, and heartbreak means that we had expectations or hope prior, but maybe being let down is a signal that we have to reorient who we trust and what systems we trust. For example, I'm not someone who says, don't vote. I'm not saying that I don't want you to, I want to be clear, but I think we need to understand how we take care of ourselves and how social change happens in a more complex way. And it's not just voting. It's in addition to that other things. Remember the women's march
Elise (34:59):
Back in early 2017? We're talking about the pussy hats pus, right? Puy
Jenny Yang (35:04):
Hats. Yes. Remember that? How powerful that felt for those who participated because it was such a anticipated, tremendous outpouring of protests against Trump being elected, for example. We need to know that it's not just protesting like that. There's still sustained things that we can do. So I don't knows. It's just reorienting who can we put our value in and trust in, feel less hopeless. For example, I'm initiating a monthly get together of trusted friends who might be like-minded just to keep our social connect stronger. It's not like we're starting a new political organization, we're just hanging out at a public space. But it's just an invitation to say, everyone, let's get together and then we'll lightly throw a question for you to process feelings or solutions. It'd be a place for us to share info with each other. All of it.
Elise (36:07):
Yeah, because I feel like I completely hear what you're saying, and I also don't want to lose hope because it was a fairly close election, even though it didn't look that
Jenny Yang (36:22):
Way
Elise (36:24):
In the end, it was close. This country is still pretty divided
Jenny Yang (36:29):
Along the same,
Elise (36:30):
Along the same lives, a hundred percent. But I'm wondering where to start, what now? In a practical way. And you worked in politics and advocacy, and so it seemed just really well timed that you're our last guest of 2024.
Jenny Yang (36:51):
What an honor,
Elise (36:52):
Because I'm curious about where to start when it comes to making a difference in the world at this particular juncture.
Jenny Yang (37:01):
The question you should ask yourself is who is your community and where is your political home? I think those are two questions that people who care about politics always ask themselves. Having come from grassroots movement, activisty people, including labor, including people who are either affordable housing or tenant organizer friends, or public transportation organizer friends. There's so many reproductive justice friends. It's always who's your community and where is your political home? And so the who's your community part is important. Just because your community is not diverse, for example, doesn't mean that's bad. It's just good to know who are the people that you have connections to and who you have influence on
Elise (37:54):
And
Jenny Yang (37:54):
Who can influence you. That's important because at every place in the world of our social strata, there needs to be like-minded people who want to come together for positive social change. So it doesn't matter, rich, poor, what color, just know who are those people that you're connected to and you can influence. You have to know where you stand. Listen, we all have enough things to deal with, and that's the challenge. America's really tough to live in, guys. We don't have a lot of safety nets, and that's what makes everyone feel like they need to be out for themselves. So I think it's powerful just to think of yourself in a collective
Elise (38:36):
That's
Jenny Yang (38:37):
Already, to think of yourself in a community and to be in relationship with a community is already a form of resistance in America because a lot of the way that our healthcare system is, and we're
Elise (38:53):
Doing a way of privatization, right?
Jenny Yang (38:55):
Yes. It makes everyone just think about themselves. Even just the myth and the ethos of the American dream, or it's so individual, pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. That's very American. And so, I don't know. I feel like, yeah, to start. And then the final thing is always start where you are. I'm just summarizing things that I have experienced and that I've learned from people much wiser than me who had been doing it longer.
Doree (39:23):
Great. Thank you. I feel like that's Elise. I feel like you've talked about that. This idea of just having your community, having your people, and also not being afraid to ask for help and ask for what you need from your people in your community is something that's really
Jenny Yang (39:40):
Powerful. Because I think it also, it opens other people up to feel like maybe I can ask for help too. And maybe what that's inspiring me, maybe I'll actually make the effort to help.
Elise (39:55):
I mean, it goes back to the same motivations behind you sharing your fertility journey. I think that a lot of feminism is about giving license or to say things out loud that we might not feel comfortable or we might be ashamed to talk about out loud. And so it's one of the aims of this show. For example, we just spent the last month on midlife and menopause and those topics, because
Jenny Yang (40:18):
We
Elise (40:19):
Want people to feel as though a, we're all going through it. It's going to come to you eventually if you haven't gotten there and gotten so many of our experiences that where we feel alone, you're not actually alone. So I think that's a really good reminder.
Jenny Yang (40:36):
I know. Yeah. That's why podcasts like yours are so powerful. This helps to build community too.
Elise (40:42):
Yeah. Yeah. Well, Jenny, before we let you go, we'd love to know what you're excited about, where people can find you, what you're going to be working on creatively.
Jenny Yang (40:53):
Self-Help Me is going to turn into a podcast.
Elise (40:56):
Oh,
Jenny Yang (40:56):
Amazing. That out. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to make the 20 shows that I did live available for supporting me and watching it online if you want to. I dunno. I'm going to be making more content. Actually, I took a break during the pandemic. That's actually how I used to get jobs is being so online. And then when the pandemic happened, I was like, I can't deal. And I was employed, so I'm going to be back making content. And it feels good. It feels good. So yeah, catch me on TikTok and as long as it's there and Instagram and sign up for my email list at Jenny Yang tv. And then ideally I will be touring. So let me know
Elise (41:44):
A lot of things. So many things. Excited for you and listeners, we will link you to so many of the mentions that Jenny just dropped there for us. Jenny Yang, thank you so much. Thank
Doree (41:59):
You, Jenny.
Jenny Yang (42:00):
Thank you. Forever 35
Elise (42:04):
So you can find Jenny in all the places that she mentioned. And Jenny, we hope you're listening because we're so grateful for your openness and generosity with us and just getting real into it.
Doree (42:18):
Getting so real about where you're at. Yeah. Alright. Well, as the last intentions of 2024, I was actually kind of inspired by Jenny for my intention this week. First, my intention last week was to figure out how to spend the next few weeks. I'm sort of figuring it out.
Elise (42:40):
Good. Good.
Doree (42:41):
I don.
Elise (42:41):
So you're doing it.
Doree (42:42):
Yeah, I'm doing it. I don't feel like totally at sea, but I don't have every minute of every day planned out. So yeah, I think I'm in a good place about it. And like I said, Jenny was very inspiring to me. As I said in our interview, I have not done a vision board in a few years and it used to be a New Year's tradition and I want to get back to it. So I am intending to do a vision board. I feel like I need some realignment. Matt and I also used to do every New Year's Eve, we would do a tarot card reading.
Elise (43:19):
Who does it? Do you read for each other? Do you know how to read tarot?
Doree (43:24):
I mean, ish. Okay. We have the Wild Unknown Tarot and there's a book that comes with it. So maybe we'll do that again
Elise (43:32):
Because that was fun. That'd be so fun. And I'd love to hear what he reads for you, what your tarot cards say.
Doree (43:37):
Yeah. And then part of the vision board, I think I am going to start this tennis newsletter.
Elise (43:49):
Great,
Doree (43:50):
Great. Just going along with the theme of leaning into your passions and leaning into your passion projects. So TBD, what that will look like, but I'm putting it out into the universe and putting it down as an intention.
Elise (44:09):
What about you? My intention last week was time for reflection, which I had a little bit of time to do on Sunday. And then I was able to meet with my Jungian analyst. And so we're keeping that up despite the craziness of the holidays. So I feel pretty good. I was telling him, I was like, yeah, this holiday season hasn't too much because sometimes it's so frenetic. And this year I just feel like we're keeping it pretty chill. I'm not hosting anyone. I think I get really stressed out when a lot of people are descending upon me and my parents are in the A DU, the back house, and they're always around and it just feels like a lot. And this year it's been fairly easy, knock on wood. Good. My intention heading into the holidays is family time.
Doree (45:02):
Nice.
Elise (45:02):
I don't see my brother enough. We only see each other, but maybe once or twice a year. And he's the funniest person I know. So funny. And he also has a lot of practices I would love to emulate. He works in finance and has a crazy life and travels all the time, but he makes time to meditate. He's like a transcendental meditator and he meditates for 45 minutes a day and he's really intentional about getting in his meditation time and he credits it with so much of his equanimity.
Doree (45:34):
And
Elise (45:35):
So I just like being around my brother. He's my younger brother, but I'm constantly learning so much from him. And our relationship has really shifted over the years to where he's the wise ones. He was always just like my pesky brother growing up and I was like, oh no, I don't go to school with him. But now it's changed now that he's 40. Oh, that's
Doree (45:57):
Really nice.
Elise (45:59):
And we wish all of you just a very safe and non-stressful holiday, but if it is stressful, give yourself grace and try and take some time.
Doree (46:10):
Great advice. Great advice.
Elise (46:13):
And we have one more mini episode. We will be back on Wednesday with a fresh mini with your calls, texts, and voicemails. And then we have some of our favorite interviews coming up in the next couple of weeks. We'll be back with a fresh one in early January.
Doree (46:26):
Yes. Alright, well just a reminder that Forever 35 is hosted and produced by me, Doree Shafrir and Elise Hu, and produced and edited by Samee Junio. Sami Reed is our project manager and our network partner is Acast. Thanks everyone for listening. Happy holidays. Bye.