Listener Q&A: No More Panic Shopping
Kate and Doree listen to beautiful singing voicemails and answer some listener questions — everything from what kind of bathing suit to wear when you might be allergic to Spandex to the things you can learn from your sex therapist friend. Plus, Kate is moved by the state of her friendships this year and Doree has some pop culture recs to share.
To leave a voicemail or text for a future episode, reach them at 781-591-0390. You can also email the podcast at forever35podcast@gmail.com.
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Transcript
Kate: Hello and welcome to Forever35. This is a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. And I'm Kate Spencer,
Doree: And I am Doree Shafrir,
Kate: And we are not experts.
Doree: We're not, but we're two friends who like to talk a lot about serums,
Kate: And this is a listener question episode where we will be hearing from listeners taking your questions and comments, answering them to the best of our ability. We do this every other week. The way we've been operating for the last couple of months is having an interview with a guest one week and then doing listener questions on the other week. And today after the break, we will hear from some folks, including Doree, people who sang into our voicemail account, bravely,
Doree: Goodness,
Kate: And courageously,
Doree: Hey, come on. Really?
Kate: Oh my gosh. Quite a few. I'm going to share one today. And then I've saved a bunch to kind of share throughout the fall, if you will, because people were, I essentially challenged people. I said, listen, if you call into our voicemail and you sing something from Rent, I will do my best to sing along with you if I remember the lyrics.
Doree: Amazing. Okay.
Kate: The rent heads delivered and true to my form. I then started deep diving on old YouTube videos of interviews with Jonathan Larsson and watching videos of Adina Menzel when she's like 24. I just kind of then got back into rent. It was like 1996 all over again, minus the eyebrows, minus my thin, thin eyebrows.
Doree: Wow. Okay. Well, I can't wait.
Kate: So, Yeah, we'll hear from our first singer in a few moments. Few minutes. Few moments. Okay. A few min moments.
Doree: Okay. I look forward to that.
Kate: But I'll tell you, right now, I'm sitting here with this very badly sprained ankle and very badly sprained, very bad.
Doree: I'm so sorry.
Kate: I was walking on a dark dirt path at a campsite and stepped on an uneven ground, and I fell into a bush, and it was a humbling experience to say the very least. My ankle ballooned instantly, and I've never had that happen. Even when I shattered bones in my hand, that didn't really swell. It was like my ankle popped. It just burst into a balloon. It looks like the blueberry from Willy Wonka.
Doree: No.
Kate: Yeah. Yeah. So
Doree: I'm so sorry.
Kate: It's fine. I do dig into frustrations. I guess I have, in terms of it brings up a lot of, anytime there's an obstacle for me, I get extremely frustrated. I was camping with friends. We were quote unquote glamping. We were at a campsite with little cabins, and I was with my kids. I wasn't with my husband. He's not here. And I had to really literally rely on my friends. They had to carry me. They had to carry me. It was so, two of them, I don't know how to explain at this campsite. I was walking alone on my way back to my little cabin for a moment, and so I fell alone. I was able to get to my cabin and dropped the thing off. I was dropping off and then get back to my friend's cabin. And then I got there and I just kind of collapsed in a chair and was like, I think I broke my ankle. So it was in so much pain that, they had to carry. And it's also, there's no, we're up on these little hills and there's no steady ground. So two of them got on either side of me and I had to use them as my crutches, and it's really hard for me, and I don't know why it was so hard for me to accept help for that. I started crying. I was so emotional about it, I think because I think when you are a person whose entire way of being is trying to please others, you cannot do that when people are helping you in a time of need.
Doree: Yeah. Yes.
Kate: And so it triggers every instinct in me to say, no, I can't, people please. In that moment, I can't accommodate, I can't, whatever. And it's so hard for me and embarrassing in a way and makes me feel so vulnerable that I started crying. I've cried multiple times. I don't know.
Doree: You weren't even crying so much that you had sprained your ankle. It was more that
Kate: No, I was so moved. I think for me this year, a lot of this year has just been about really understanding the depth of some of my friendships with people and kind of experiencing gratitude and being held by friends in moments of need in ways that I haven't always allowed myself to be. This happened earlier this summer too, and in a different situation, and it's moved me a lot to really examine these real life relationships I have. And I think also it's just I'm so afraid of upsetting people or I don't know. So it's so hard for me to just say, yes, to help and not worry about that I'm putting somebody,
Doree: You're inconveniencing someone.
Kate: Yes.
Doree: Yes. So everything you're saying is very relatable because my husband is the exact same way.
Kate: I truly sometimes marvel at the way in which you ended up with two of the same person in your life.
Doree: I mean, right. But is that a coincidence? I
Kate: Don't think so. We were probably drawn to you. We were like, give us us some of that Doree energy.
Doree: So there's something that I am attracted to. You know what I mean? It's very interesting because when we were texting on Saturday night when it happened or Sunday after, and you were saying this about asking for help, and I was like, oh my God, this, and now what you're saying about how you can't be a people pleaser when you're asking for help. I'm like, oh my God. I think that that is exactly why, or one of the reasons why Matt doesn't like to ask for help. And I'm also thinking about how I think I've gotten better at asking for help, but I'm still not that great at it. But for me, it's more coming from a place of not wanting to show weakness.
Kate: Fascinating.
Doree: Not from the people pleasing angle.
Kate: I truly think that most of us are not comfortable asking for help,
Doree: For whatever reason, yeah
Kate: For whatever reason.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: And I don't know, I'm assuming some of it is cultural, familial, all these things, but it really is hard, and I can understand why you would feel like it is. I understand why it would tap that feeling of not wanting to look weak. Well, if you're listening, I'll have you all know that Doree sent me a very firm text message and said, would you like a meal train? And I said, I think I'm okay, thank you. And she was like, okay, but if that changes at any time, you can change your mind and we will make you a meal train.
Doree: And I mean it
Kate: Thank you for that,
Doree: and I meant it.
Kate: I know you do. I believe it. I know.
Doree: And I said that because I thought, you know what she's saying no now. And I feel like if in a couple of days she's like, oh, fuck, Anthony's not here. I'm trying to get dinner. It's so stressful. But she might be like, well, I already told Doree No, I can't say yes now. And I just want her to know that it's okay to change your mind, and it's okay to admit that you didn't realize how overwhelming it was going to be, and the offer still stands.
Kate: Well, you know what? This actually I think brings up, I think first of all, that was very kind of you to kind of, not just offer, but kind of make that adjustment to saying that. Because I do think sometimes when people step in to help, it's often we do it in the immediate aftermath of a traumatic situation or a big life event. And I have found in my own life, it's kind of like after that settles down is when I really need the help. Sometimes say when you have a new baby, it's not the first few weeks. It's that first after a month or two and everybody's kind of forgotten about. Right?
Doree: Everyone's gone.
Kate: Yeah, yeah. Everyone's gone home and you're back to life. It's like that's when, same with losing a loved one. So I appreciated that extra because of that caveat that you included. Anyway, that's what's
Doree: Going on over here. Also, you said no before you had even gotten home. And I was like, she's not even home.
Kate: I know, I was in a Starbucks.
Doree: She doesn't know
Kate: I was at urgent care waiting on my x-ray or whatever, but thank you for that.
Doree: But seriously
Kate: Yeah. I appreciate it. And if anybody has tips on how to deal with a bad sprain, let me know. I mean, I feel like it's very straightforward, but also I'm worried I'm going to do the thing where I push myself too hard, too fast.
Doree: So I mean, I don't even know what happened to me when I rolled my ankle last year.
Kate: You had to wear a boot
Doree: I had to wear a boot, and I know it wasn't broken, but kind beyond that, I guess it was a sprain, but that was hard for me to just, even though I was in a boot, to wear the boot all the time and to not push it, I guess is the takeaway.
Kate: Yeah, For sure.
Doree: That's hard. That's hard. So I see you.
Kate: Thank you. I appreciate it, My foot is very swollen and black and blue, and it is pretty gnarly, so don't want to see that. Anyway, what's new over there? How are you?
Doree: I'm fine. So I went to podcast movement last week, which is a big podcast conference. It was in Denver. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to download some stuff to watch on the plane, and no offense to Delta, but I'm not going to rely on their back of seat entertainment.
Kate: I mean, I don't think Delta's offended. It's never great.
Doree: No, it's not
Kate: Never enough.
Doree: It's like occasionally good. And then sometimes you're like, why do you only have half of the first season of whatever show? You know what I mean?
Kate: Yes. Three random episodes from the third season of Right.
Doree: Of Veep, And you're like, no, this is not helping me. Anyway, so I was like, oh my gosh. Heart Stopper, which is a show that I love. Season two came out a few weeks ago and I'll just download, it was eight episodes. I'll just download all eight episodes. So on the flight there, I watched it. I watched a couple episodes while I was in Denver, and then I watched some more on the Way Home. I finished the whole season. It's so delightful. It's so sweet. It's just the best. It's a show about teenagers in the UK and the whole first season is about a boy Charlie, who is gay and has a crush on a straight passing rugby player named Nick, who turns out to be bisexual by the, well, I guess I shouldn't spoil it, but I mean, you kind of can figure out what happens.
Kate: And these are based on graphic novels, novel, which are already in the worlds,
Doree: They're based on novel, graphic novel. And then the second season is about how they are navigating the relationship and it's just great. And some of the characters from the first season, you kind of learn more about them. There's some new characters, there's more adult stuff, there's more subplots with the adults, which is always fun for me as an adult, because
Kate: Olivia Pope is the, no, Olivia Coleman, Olivia Pope. Oh my god. Olivia Pope is the character from Scandal.
Doree: Yeah. That would be really funny if she showed up.
Kate: Olivia Pope was their mom. Literally the character Olivia Coleman. Sorry. Yes.
Doree: Olivia Coleman
Kate: Is Nick's mom,
Doree: And I don't want to give anything away, but I will say there is a two episode arc with a character who, if you also watched one of my other favorite shows, you'll be, you'll recognize him and be chuffed that he is showing up here.
Kate: Oh, wow.
Doree: I can't say anything else because it'll give it all away, but that's all I will say.
Kate: Okay. I've watched the second season of Heart Stopper yet
Doree: You'll know it. When you see it, you'll be like, oh my God, it's that guy.
Kate: If it is somebody from what we do in the Shadows, I'm going to be thrilled.
Doree: I can't say,
Kate: Because I need you to know.
Doree: I can neither confirm nor deny.
Kate: What we do in The Shadows has become my new Schitt's Creek where I now rewatch episodes for Comfort.
Doree: It's so good.
Kate: It is the best. I love it so much. I just need to go on record again that you were right about what we do in the Shadows. I'm obsessed with it. I love every single person on it. I don't quite know what to do. The fact that this new season is almost done and I'm to wait two more years.
Doree: So. Have you watched Toast?
Kate: I don't even know what that is.
Doree: Toast is a British show. I don't even really know how you watch it here
Kate: With Matt Berry.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: How did you watch it here,
Doree: Matt?
Kate: Secret ways.
Doree: Matt found out how to watch it here. You might now be able to, or maybe I don't recall, but it is so weird and funny and weird and weird. It's just, he's so funny. If you think he's funny, and I feel like he's probably not everyone's cup of tea, but if you think Matt Berry is funny,
Kate: I do.
Doree: You should give toast a shot.
Kate: Okay, I'll Because I do. I love it.
Doree: And then the other show that I just started watching is called fisk. Have you watched this show, Kate?
Kate: No.
Doree: Okay. I think that it was recommended by someone in the Forever35 Discord, But I'm not a hundred percent sure. I sort of tried to go back and find it. I couldn't find it, but I think that's where I first saw someone mention it. And it's on Netflix. It's an Australian show about a middle-aged woman. She's in her late forties who gets divorced and starts a new job as she's a lawyer, and she gets a new job at a very small firm that does probate and wills and family law. Trust. Trust in estates. Trust in Estates law. Yes. That's what she does. And it's really funny. It's one of the few shows that I've laughed out loud.
Kate: Wow.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: Okay. Intrigued.
Doree: It's really funny. And she, she's also so weird and just, I found her very relatable in a lot of ways.
Kate: Oh, fascinating. Okay. I'm into it. I'm into it.
Doree: And I also just appreciate a show who's protagonist is a woman in her late Forties Whose life has kind of fallen apart a hot mess, but she's also really smart and it's great. It's great. It's a great show. So those are my two TV recs.
Kate: Well, all I have is what we do in the Shadows. I'm pretty sure that's all I watch right now.
Doree: To have that show is really special.
Kate: It's that and the YouTube family, the Norris Nuts, which I started watching.
Doree: Oh, that I'm not familiar with.
Kate: Oh, my kids turned me onto the Norris Nuts, and now we all watch them together and I'm obsessed with them. They're Australian. Yeah, truly. I was just scrolling over on their YouTube page and I was like, oh, last to leave the chair episode 32 minutes. Don't mind if I do. Don't mind if I do. Well, Doree, should we take a little break and hear from some folks who have reached out to us.
Doree: Yeah, let's do that.
Kate: Before we do, I want to mention a couple of things. One, we still have a giving circle, which we are doing to raise funds in support of local elections in Virginia. Just recently, we raised over $800 in matched funds. So that means you all donated, and that money was matched through our Giving Circle through the State's project, and it is such an amazing way to make a huge difference in local elections in the Virginia House. There is a need to flip three seats to take back the majority in the Virginia Senate, we only have room to lose one seat to keep the majority. As you know, abortion access is being determined at the state level, and Virginia is the last state in the South with abortion protections, which was put into place before the house switched into being led by the right. So this is really a place where you can make a difference in reproductive justice and so many other places. So if you are interested in donating, we always have a link to our Giving Circle. Again, the funds raised goes to supporting local candidates, and we are specifically supporting them in Virginia with this iteration of our Giving Circle. All that being said, you can find more info about us on our website Forever35podcast.com. Our Instagram is @Forever35podcast. We are creating new content on Patreon, including episodes of Product Recall, where we dig into nostalgic iconic products and their past. And I have a really good one coming up, no spoilers, but it involves vs. We're also recapping the first season of the OC there, which is wild. You can find all that at patreon.com/forever35. Our favorite can be found at Shopmy.us/forever35 and sign up for a newsletter that can be found on our website. And as always, you can text and email us and leave us a voicemails (781) 591-0390 or email us at Forever35podcast@gmail.com. And feel free to sing anything you want into the voicemail. It's a safe space to really let it out as we'll hear after the break. Doree, we're back with our first rent related voicemail.
Doree: I'm very excited about this.
Voicemail: Good morning Kate and Doree, and this is Sam out of Maine. I just had to pause the pod you were talking about in your Seasons of Love episode, singing and going back to see the revival of, and I just thought I'd call Sing a little for you. One, because I want to hear Kate ing and two, because it's a great line on the show. There's only us, there's only this. Forget our life is yours to miss. No other us, no other way. No day. I hope you have a great day. Bye.
Kate: Okay, then what's his face Sings, I can Control. Control Your Future. Right. You know this part, Doree, my destiny he doesn't see my only girl is just to be. And then he goes, Roger, he goes, just lemme be. This is a duet between Roger and Mimi.
Doree: Do you want me to play this YouTube that you have in the,
Kate: Oh, I just included that as like a share because I then, yeah, this is just something I wanted to share with people, which is oof. So I went a little bit down a rent rabbit hole, and this is a video of the cast of Rent performing a medley at the 1996 Tonys where then the show and Jonathan Larsson went on to sweep all the awards and just the story of Rent. If you aren't familiar, like Jonathan Larsson, he'd been working for years, toiling away writing musicals and just when Rent was about to premiere off Broadway, he died. It's just tragic and awful and it's just, it's so devastating. And to see them perform and then have him be honored is really moving. But it's also quite a relic. It's just the lyrics. I'm just like, wow. That is from a long time ago. But it's great. So thank you listener in Maine for singing into our voicemail. We had a few others. We had some people who either sang Seasons of Love, and then we had one who did one of the voicemails, the interstitial voicemails. So we'll include some more of these. Rent Singalongs.
Doree: I'm excited.
Kate: Also, people on Patreon pointed out that there might not even be a rent revival. I'm not really sure. We're talking about something.
Doree: Did I make that up?
Kate: It's possible. Someone was like, I was so excited to hear that rent was coming back and I Googled it and I couldn't find anything. So I came here to find out and I realized maybe we don't, maybe it's not happening. What? We might have made it up.
Doree: No. Here, wait, hold on. Oh, no, no. That's not it. Okay. Maybe I just made this up, but I swear I read something about, wait. Okay.
Kate: I thought there was too. I honor your guess here because I feel like I heard something about this.
Doree: Okay. It looks like it was revived in 2017 off Broadway. Okay. It looks like there was a 2021 revival.
Kate: So we're going back in time.
Doree: We're going back in time. Listen, I am sorry to everyone that I got excited for this Rent Revival that apparently doesn't exist,
Kate: Exists in only your head but that's okay Because I truly actually thought Rent was coming back, which I don't know where I also made this up.
Doree: You know what? Maybe I saw it on TikTok.
Kate: It's possible. Or maybe you and I just had a conversation where we both thought this was happening and then we're trying to will it into existence.
Doree: Totally. I mean, look, we can go see it in San Diego in November. it Looks like they're doing one in Palm Springs in October.
Kate: I mean, Palm Springs got very hit by the hurricane, so I'm not quite sure they'll be ready for us. So
Doree: I think by the end of October they will be
Kate: okay. Yeah.
Doree: Yeah. It looks like there's a lot of community theater performances of rent.
Kate: They're so good.
Doree: Looks like there's one in Ashland, Oregon
Kate: Road trip.
Doree: This might not even be community theater. This might be like an equity production here because tickets are being sold on Ticketmaster. So I guess we have to go.
Kate: It's touring. Is it touring?
Doree: The 25th anniversary Farewell Tour, which must have been going since 2021 and now appears to be in Ashland, Oregon. Maybe it's a rapid up. Oh, I see that in Ashland, Oregon. I dunno. Look, if anyone can help us get to the bottom of this, let us know.
Kate: A middle aged woman can dream.
Doree: We really can.
Kate: We can. No day but today. Okay, so Doree, let's share a couple, or not a couple three, no, excuse me, four listener emails.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: That we've received recently. Is that right? Email. Email. Email. Email.
Doree: Do you want me to read this next one?
Kate: Yeah, take it away. I'm wondering if you googled what this listener brings up, because I sure did. I, I'll tell you what, it's
Doree: Hello, Kate and Doree as an avid listener that waits every weekday for your newest episode, I have to bring something to your attention. A friend of mine just started her second career in her forties as a sex therapist and has, as you can imagine, opened my eyes to things that this 51 year old gal has never heard of. Supposedly Platting and even free platting is a deeply disturbing act. I'm far from being prudish, but please look it up. Ew. Sorry if I made you sick when looking it up, but I thought that you should know love your show. Wow. Yeah. I was like, you know what? I don't need to know.
Kate: I did. I needed to know. And do I share it or do I just say, everybody go Google it. I think just Google.
Doree: I Think you share it, Kate.
Kate: Okay. It's where you're with a partner and one person is lying underneath a glass table and the other person makes a bowel movement onto the table above the person's head.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: And I just want to say, I'm not here to kink shame.
Doree: No. If that's what gets you off,
Kate: Go with goddess. Yeah,
Doree: Go with goddess.
Kate: Yeah. I don't think I will ever do this. I'm not a poop person. But again, just want to say no judgment.
Doree: Yeah. We don't yuck anyone's yum here on this podcast.
Kate: No, unless you're not hurting anybody, then it's all good with us
Doree: As long as mutual consent. Great.
Kate: Yeah, great. Get under that glass.
Doree: Alrighty.
Kate: Well email Hi Kate and Doree new email. This is a palette cleanser, literally. Hi Kate and Doree Fiona here writing in from Cambridge UK listening to EP 281 and not sure why I had such a visceral reaction, but I am internally shouting, you don't need to host people to make a nice charcuterie board. If you want nice, yummy things, you deserve to have them company or no, you are worth just making a charcuterie board all for yourself. Also, I'm very sure there was a guest years back whose self-care practice was on the weekly making themselves a charcuterie board. Anywho, just wanted to say, let yourself indulge in the things you enjoy. On the off chance you read this. Hi to my best friend Kathleen, who turned me onto your lovely podcast. It's been one of our fav shared forms of self-care over the years. Love y'all. Stay spicy. Like the salami you can enjoy on your next solo charcuterie indulgence. Well, Fiona,
Doree: Listen, I appreciate this. And Fiona's right, you can make a charcuterie board all for your own self.
Kate: Totally. I think it was Jasmine Guillory who talked about this because I went through a phase of doing this where I would make myself little bits of sliced up salted meats and some olives and some cheese and maybe some grapes for dinner, like some crackers.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: And I also feel like that has been somehow co-opted into some dumb tiktok thing called lazy girl dinner. I realize I sound so fucking old, but we've all been having a snacky plate for dinner forever. Right.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: And I also did want to say, oh, I guess it's What's girl dinner all about the snacky TikTok trend? Yeah. Listen, as long as you're fed and satiated and taking care of yourself, that's all that matters. It doesn't matter what the fuck if you're having a snacky dinner. But I did want to say, I think part of the pleasure of a charcuterie board is creating it to share.
Doree: Yeah, that's fair. That is fair.
Kate: That's just one thought I had, Fiona, but I love your motivation. I love what you're saying. I agree with you.
Doree: Thank you. Thank you, Fiona. Alright. Hello. I've recently discovered that I'm sensitive, maybe allergic. I'm weighting my allergy tests back to polyester and or spandex. It could be that what I'm actually allergic to are the products these synthetic materials are usually treated with. But regardless, I'm trying to avoid them altogether. Any suggestions for brands specializing in cotton linen and other nonsynthetic materials? Bathing suits in particular seem like they'll be a big challenge. I have to confess, I'm prone to fast fashion and much of that clothing is polyester or spandex treated with nasty chemicals. So I'm mourning a portion of my closet, but ultimately I know this is better for my skin and the environment. Thanks.
Kate: Wow. That's a tough one. I'm not really,
Doree: That is really tough.
Kate: Knowledgeable. Very knowledgeable in this area. And so I do know, I have to say, as a former Patagonia employee, they made some very beautiful cotton. I mean, they also have synthetic materials that they use, but they have beautiful, I think you can, but that's obviously not a fast company and more expensive, et cetera, et cetera. I feel like Uniqlo is always a good place to look for basics. But bathing suit, I went to the Cotton On website and I was like, certainly Cotton on will have cotton bathing suits. And then of course they do not, I don't believe because bathing suits are stretchy. So they're made of mostly polyester and elaststain. It says here. So this is a tricky one. I don't quite know.
Doree: That is really tricky. I don't have a suggestion for cotton bathing suits, I don't think.
Kate: I mean, I think you can get good quality cotton stuff at Target.
Doree: I found an article from a site called ux magazine.com that I never heard of, but they have an article called Five Cotton or Hemp Swimwear Brands Saving the Ocean.
Kate: But
Doree: It's not clear to me if these are all, I don't think these are like a hundred percent cotton necessarily, but there is this brand called Slow Active, and that stands for Sustainable Luxury Ocean Wear.
Kate: Oh, interesting. Okay.
Doree: So this looks promising. I would say now these are expensive. These were extremely expensive. Probably not really an option for most people, but this is one that I feel like we need to throw out to the listeners.
Kate: I'm stumped and I'm not really an expert in terms of different fibers and the makeup clothing and that sort of thing.
Doree: Yeah,
Kate: I don't really know. Stumped. I am stumped.
Doree: Yeah, me too. Okay. Well, there's another place called Natasha Tonic that makes hemp bathing suits. Again, not cheap. A one piece suit is $200. oh Baby.
Kate: Oh Baby.
Doree: So I dunno.
Kate: I mean, what about altering what you consider a bathing suit?
Doree: Oh, that's interesting.
Kate: Maybe you switch to swimming in a linen tank and shorts. I mean, listen, literally pulling this out of my tush. I don't really know, but
Doree: I don't think you could really swim in a linen tank though. You could relax on the beach.
Kate: I know. I know. This is a truly confusing, I don't know.
Doree: Yeah, this is tough.
Kate: Okay, what about this?
Doree: I'm listening.
Kate: What if you just swam in underwear? Because you can find really good cotton blend underwear,
Doree: But I feel like that would, I don't know
Kate: I guess it's kind of in the two piece world
Doree: In Better Than Nothing might feel a little weird.
Kate: We might need to ask our past guest from last week, Sophie Strauss about this.
Doree: This is a great question for Sophie.
Kate: She's a stylist. Well, we have another clothing question that resonated with me. I'd love to share it and see if we can offer any,
Doree: Let's hear it.
Kate: Thoughts for this person? Okay. Hi, Kat and Dor. I know you've talked about panic and anxiety shopping in preparation for travel before, and I'm experiencing a similar thing for an upcoming event, A friend's wedding. I know Virginia Soul Smith has written about the intersection of social anxiety and body image that can show up as panic shopping. And my goodness, if that doesn't feel true for me right now, why is it that a wedding where honestly literally no one cares or will remember how I'm dressed, makes me feel like I have to rethink my entire identity and what exactly my choice of outfit says about me anyway, just feeling like this might be a situation on which you guys have some wisdom to share.
Doree: I mean, this feels like Sophie addressed this really well in her episode.
Kate: Yeah. Go back and listen to that listener if you haven't already. I mean, I do really think, I just was thinking, this reminded me of in 2019, One of my best friends got married and I had gained weight. My body had really changed, and I was having so much anxiety about going to this wedding where I was only going to see people who knew me very well and have known me for years and seen me through every up and down imaginable and love me for who I am. But I still was like, I don't want them to see me. I don't feel uncomfortable about how I look or how I'm dressed. And I was really in my head about it. And even though saying it out loud, it sounds irrational. I was having a lot of panic and anxiety about it, and I think I actually voiced it to one of my friends, And that was really powerful because I was able to say was scaring me and hear and have them receive it and not be like, whatcha talking about? That's so dumb. You're perfect. Just be like, that sounds really hard. I totally hear you. And it ended up being a wonderful experience. But I just think that can really, that is a very real thing that we feel, especially in this world we live in, where people do constantly comment on our looks and our appearance and our bodies and our shapes and the ways in which we've changed our appearance, or whether by choice or not.
Doree: Yes. Yeah. These are all tough, tough questions, I think.
Kate: And Sophie's advice was really thinking about how something makes you feel. Right?
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: And I think that I know for myself, I don't know, Doree, if you've experienced this where you feel great in something and then maybe you see a picture of yourself that you don't deem flattering and it completely changes your perception of how you look or your outfit or what you're wearing or how you feel.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: So if that's something you experience, I would just go into the situation knowing that that's your brain manipulating you. Let it out. Doree.
Doree: Yes. That's so real. Yeah. That's so real, Kate.
Kate: Oh yeah. I try to keep it real as best I can. Well, Thank you everybody for chiming in with your questions and comments and songs.
Doree: Yeah. We appreciate you. Yeah. Too. Take another break. Alright, we are back.
Kate: Hello.
Doree: Hello, Kate. Last week you were going to think about aging.
Kate: Oh yeah.
Doree: How did that go?
Kate: Oh, I'm thinking about it. I Waffle between feeling at peace in my skin and then wanting to, and then Googling threading forehead cost at midnight in the middle of the night.
Doree: Right. Totally.
Kate: To be clear, I haven't ever threaded my forehead and I'm not planning on it, but I do waffle between being like, this is who I am. I love my face, I love my skin, I love my wrinkles. And then being like, I don't want these wrinkles. This is sending me into a dark place of grappling with mortality and aging and being irrelevant. Weee menopause. So I'm just still thinking about it and not judging myself and not being like, you're bad for being sucked into beauty culture because that never gets me anywhere when I do that.
Doree: Totally, totally.
Kate: And this week, Doree, I'm just thinking about setting an intention around my left ankle and not pushing things too hard and just accepting, not getting too down. I tend to get really down when stuff isn't going the way I thought it was going to go. So
Doree: It's hard. T
Kate: his is just a recent meditation I've been saying to myself is like, this is just for right now. This is not forever. Yes. This is just right now.
Doree: Oh my God. That is a mantra that I need to
Kate: Really?
Doree: Just take to heart. Yes. Yeah.
Kate: It's really been resonating with me.
Doree: Yeah. I mean, it's a good one.
Kate: Oh, Thanks. Well, if anybody else needs to hear it, this is just what's happening right now. It's not permanent.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: How about you?
Doree: Last week I was kind of consumed by my travel situation and it all went pretty well. As I mentioned at the top of the show, I downloaded Heart Stopper, which was, I'm glad that I did that, this week. I think I need to reset and start bedtime a little bit earlier. I've just gotten about bedtime creep.
Kate: Oh, I know all about it, baby
Doree: You know how that goes.
Kate: I was doing it last night
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: Forehead threads.
Doree: Yeah. I need to just start a little earlier. I think I need start. I need to start my bedtime stuff at 9:30 at the latest. And then here's the other thing, because last night I did actually start pretty early, but then I was just kind of farting around on my iPad for an hour.
Kate: Are you playing New York Times Connections?
Doree: Oh yeah. I play it every day,
Kate: Oh my God. I'm obsessed with it.
Doree: I love it. It's so good. It's so good. They were piloting another game called Digits, and they gave you all these numbers and you had to figure out how to get to a specific number by multiplying or adding or subtract whatever. And I guess it wasn't popular. They took it away, but I really enjoyed it.
Kate: Oh, That's too bad. Connections has been a huge hit for them, right?
Doree: It's been big. Yeah. I mean, it must be because it's now an official game. It's in the app.
Kate: Oh, it is?
Doree: Yeah, it's in the app now.
Kate: I've still been going online. Okay.
Doree: I know. I've been going online too. And then I noticed, well, it's in the app on my phone. It didn't show up in the app on my iPad, but it showed up. It didn't show up in the games app on my iPad, but it showed up in my New York Times app on my iPad. Also, someone else has pointed this out before. I don't know if it was in an article or a tweet or something, but the New York Times Games Department, I love them, but they need to be more consistent. Every single game refreshes at a different time. And the crosswords are 10:00 PM Eastern, but Spelling Bee is at 3:00 AM Connections. Who knows? Why can't they all be the same time? I find this annoying. Can you
Kate: New York Times games, if you're listening,
Doree: Can you let someone know,
Kate: Please, we rely on you for so much self-care. I'm paying way too much for this app.
Doree: I just ask for consistency.
Kate: Well, and it's like you have to pay for the games app outside of your New York Times subscription. They're getting a lot of my money here right now.
Doree: If you get the All Access subscription, because I think that's what we have, and I think it includes it.
Kate: Yes. But Doree, my husband and I have separate New York Times games accounts, so he gets the one with our, I think he has the one with our Times. This is real in the weeds, king Spencer family. I have my own games account because you know that man's doing that crossword, then the spelling bee, then connections every and Wordle every frigging day of his life. I also just wanted to let you know that I have become obsessed with the Game Rum Cube. Have you ever played this game?
Doree: I think I played the board game version of it when I was a child.
Kate: Well, I started playing the board game version this summer with my family. Everybody hates it but me. So now I play real people online obsessively and I'm in love with it, and I kind of want to start a game night for it, but I don't. But my social anxiety is stopping me. So if that's a thing, maybe I could make a rum a cube game night.
Doree: You should do that.
Kate: Okay. I love it so much. And I don't like numbers normally, but this game speaks to me.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: There you go. Well, this has been a real rollercoaster of a podcast episode. Thank you everybody for your questions and comments.
Doree: Yeah, Thank you. And let's just remind everyone Forever35 is hosted and produced by me, Doree Shafrir and Kate Spencer, and produced and edited by Sam Junio. Sami Reed is our project manager and our network partner is Acast. Thanks everyone for listening. We'll talk to you soon.