Mini-Ep 426: Trying for Normalcy
Doree and Elise discuss how to be a supportive sister as a new mom, the different ways being proud of yourself and feeling fulfilled can look as you age, and the staggering savings that pet insurance brought one listener.
This episode contains a sponsored segment by Bausch + Lomb. Visit miebo.com to learn more.
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Transcript
This episode transcript is AI generated.
Doree (00:10):
Hello and welcome to Forever 35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Doree Shafrir.
Elise (00:18):
And I'm Elise Hu. And we are just two friends who like to talk a lot about serums,
Doree (00:22):
And this is a mini episode where we hear from you, we share your comments and your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability. But please remember, we are not experts. We're podcast hosts and we always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Elise (00:41):
We continue to be broadcasting or podcasting from the heart of Los Angeles
Doree (00:48):
Where
Elise (00:48):
We are in what Governor Gavin Newsom has projected is the worst natural disaster in US history, and not over yet, not out of the woods yet, but we do appreciate listeners and all of your messages and kind thoughts that have been sent our way, so thank
Doree (01:06):
You for reaching out. Yes, it's so appreciated and yeah, we're grateful for this community, so thank you.
Elise (01:15):
It feels really surreal. I mean, it has that feeling. Things have taken on that feeling of kind of a different disaster. Early covid where all the days melt together and you don't know what day it is and you're on this heightened alert all the time. You're kind of in a state of vigilance and the kids were out of school at the end of last week, so that really brought back those vibes and yeah, we have winds kicking up again this week too, and they're the Santa Anna winds and who knows what's going to happen because these fires, especially that big one, the Palisades fire is only some percentage, less than 15% contained as of this recording.
Doree (01:54):
Crazy. Where are you directing people who want to help who are not in Los Angeles?
Elise (02:01):
Yeah, there's a lot of places that have said, Hey, we are full up on supplies, but we would welcome gift cards, gift cards to Amazon, to target to big box stores because a lot of the folks who have been evacuated or who have lost their homes and lives completely have just said, cash is best if we just start over when we need to start over, it's kind of best to have the flexibility to restart that store co-op. I believe that has been getting a lot of attention on Instagram because they are not only taking physical supplies and donations here locally, they're also directing folks to mail gift cards to them. So I have sent some folks there who have reached out saying, Hey, I want to send some gift cards and things, our Instagram stories, and I think you put out a grid post as well just about GoFundMe and direct assistance to families who listeners might have a direct tie to.
Doree (03:06):
Yeah, I made a story highlight for the wildfires and I also added those GoFundMe links to our bio, so you should be able to find all that on our Instagram in our show notes. All the places.
Elise (03:25):
Yeah. Are you still glued to local news? Are you trying to find some space where you're kind of taking a break from all of the scrolling?
Doree (03:36):
Well, I don't think local news is still on
Elise (03:41):
Round the clock. Wall to wall
Doree (03:42):
Live. Yeah, wall to wall coverage. I was actually surprised. I was driving home this morning from dropping off Henry and NPR R was just like N Ping. There was a segment on Sudan. I was like, oh, okay. I guess we're not doing all wildfire coverage. And I kind of wanted more, you know what I mean? I was like, wait, what is going on? But it's unrealistic to expect that everyone is going to be doing all wildfire coverage all the time. I am checking in on the watch duty app and just sort of noting where are there new evacuation areas, what is happening? But yeah, I'm not glued to the local news anymore. You,
Elise (04:33):
I turned on one of the NPR stations in LA yesterday, and they were doing a show with a segment on vegan breakfasts, and it actually made me feel really normal and not insane. I was like, oh, okay. This is typical Sunday afternoon programming.
Doree (04:53):
Yeah, totally. Right. There is that normalcy aspect, right?
Elise (05:00):
Vegan breakfast. Yes, of course. Yes, of course. Our world, our most affected little creature right now in the Hue household is Abe our cat, because not only was he frustrated about the introduction of the puppy a few months ago, but then we decided to foster a fire evacuee whose house in the Palisades was destroyed. And so we have a fire evacuee cat that is, and so now we have this foster cat that is really rocking Abe's world, and that's continued to be very difficult. He kind of disappeared for a while this weekend because I think he was trying, I know, to escape. So we are podcasting with him in my lap right now because we're trying to just regulate his nervous system.
Doree (05:52):
Oh, Abe. Oh, bud. We do not have any foster pets. I feel like Bo would probably be okay with a small dog.
(06:04):
One of our babysitters has a very small dog who she brings quite frequently, and they're fine. They just sort of ignore each other. I don't think he would take kindly to a cat. I think he would try to eat a cat, and I don't think he would take kindly to a large dog. That would be a disaster, but I think he would similarly be pissed if the dogs stayed because he's used to Molly, the little dog of our babysitter coming for a few hours, but then she leaves like, oh, okay. If he was like, wait a second, you're not going anywhere. Yeah, exactly. I think he'd be pretty pissed. So Abe, I feel you. I get it.
Elise (06:55):
Yeah,
Doree (06:56):
I get it.
Elise (06:56):
I'm just so glad he's still, he hasn't successfully made his great escape. He's tried have people written in and called in and texted in with questions unrelated to fires. I feel like we could really use other topics
Doree (07:19):
To think about. I know we could, and we have quite a few that we'll get to after the break, but I do want to mention before the break, we have a little fun little sponsored segment from our friends at Bausch and Lam, and
Elise (07:37):
We don't want it to surprise you.
Doree (07:39):
Yeah. We don't want it to surprise you, but it's a fun little fun little conversation that Elise and I had about dry eyes that is actually quite apt given our current
Elise (07:52):
It's so apt
Doree (07:53):
Weather situation
Elise (07:54):
And it's actually an affliction of mine, which made them a great sponsor for this show. So we don't want y'all to be confused. It is a branded segment, but it is embedded in this episode. So just stick with us through that as it is quite an apt message for this
Doree (08:13):
Era. Yes. Now we're moving into something a little special, even though this is a podcast for your ears, we're going to take a minute to discuss your eyes. This segment is brought to you by the eyecare experts at Bausch and Lam and produced by acas Creative. You may know that dry eye is increasingly common affecting millions of US adults and can range from occasional or acute symptoms of eye dryness to a chronic condition known as dry eye disease. But did you know that dry eye disease affects more than 38 million Americans? Common dry eye symptoms may include a scratchy, gritty, tired, or heavy feeling, redness, overall eye irritation or vision changes throughout the, but when these symptoms become chronic, it can indicate damage to the eye and if they aren't addressed, they can keep coming back and get worse over time, eventually disrupting day-to-day activities. So today we're going to play a little game of dry eye fact or fiction, but if you relate to anything we just said, it may be time to see an eye doctor. Eye doctor. Alright, so Elise, here's what's going to happen. I'm going to name some possible causes of dry eye, alright? And you'll respond saying if you think they're true or false. Okay. Okay. Hit me. Okay. The first is the environment, which means dry or cold air, wind, dusty conditions, even poor air quality.
Elise (09:37):
Yes. I'm going to say true. True. That can affect your dry
Doree (09:41):
Acne. All of those things can cause dry eye symptoms. Okay. Digital device use.
Elise (09:48):
Oh, true. For
Doree (09:48):
Me, definitely. Totally. And that's because when we use digital devices, we may forget to blink.
Elise (09:55):
Oh
Doree (09:55):
Yeah. Looking at screens for long periods of time can cause dryness and irritation.
Elise (10:00):
That makes
Doree (10:01):
Sense. Okay, here's another one. Age. Say it ain't so, but I'm going to guess it's true. You're right. Tear production slows down as people age. Here's another big one, hormonal changes.
Elise (10:18):
I think hormonal changes could definitely affect everything. So true. It affects your eyes too.
Doree (10:24):
And in particular, menopause may cause dry eye symptoms.
Elise (10:28):
Oh, well that would make sense. There we go. We go through so much during this time period.
Doree (10:34):
Yep. Okay. And last one, what about tear
Elise (10:37):
Evaporation? That one, I don't know. How does tear evaporation connect to everything?
Doree (10:43):
Okay, so that is true and that is because symptoms like scratchiness and grittiness are often caused by get this tears evaporating too quickly. Isn't that funny? Yeah, it's crazy. Millions of Americans suffer from this. So what I think is so crazy is it's so common yet many people may not realize their eye symptoms are due to dry eye. And while dry eye has historically been connected to age and hormonal changes in today's digital world, it's really no surprise that dry eye symptoms are increasingly being observed among younger generations. Not all dry eye is the same and the tear evaporation thing, for example,
Elise (11:29):
Right, you would've never known. Right?
Doree (11:31):
Yeah, I would not have known that too much. Tear evaporation is one of the most common causes of dry eye. So if you're experiencing persistent dry eye symptoms, Bausch and Lam may have the answer for you.
Elise (11:42):
The eyecare experts at Bausch and Lam offer my o per fluoro Heyl Tane ophthalmic solution, the only prescription eye drop that treats the signs and symptoms of dry eye disease by directly tear evaporation.
Doree (11:54):
Everyone's tears evaporate, but with evaporative dry eye tears escape too quickly more than what's considered normal. Healthy tears have a natural protective outer layer that holds in the watery component, but for about nine out of 10 people with dry eye, the outermost layer is deficient or damage which can cause too much tear evaporation. So if chronic dry eye symptoms are impacting your day-to-day activities, it may be time to talk to an eye doctor to see if tear evaporation may be the cause of your discomfort. And if my bo might be right for you, you can also visit my o.com to learn more.
Elise (12:29):
As a final reminder, if you are experiencing symptoms of chronic dry eye, make an appointment with an eye doctor to discuss my remove contact lenses before using my Ebo and wait at least 30 minutes before putting them back in eye redness and blurred vision may occur. For additional safety information and full prescribing information, visit my o.com. You're encouraged to report any negative side effects of prescription drugs to the fda. Visit fda.gov/medwatch or call FDA eight eight. This segment was brought to you by Bausch and Lam and produced by Acast Creative. And
Doree (13:04):
We're back
(13:05):
And we're back. If you want to reach us, our voicemail number is 5 9 1 0 3 9 0 and our email is forever 35 podcast@gmail.com. Again, you can always visit our website forever 35 podcast.com for links to everything we mentioned on the show, follow us on Instagram at FE 35 podcast. Sign up for our newsletter at forever five podcast com slash newsletter and you can shop our favorite products at shop my us slash forever five. And again, like I mentioned at the top of the show, we will also have links in our show notes and on our website for places to donate. I know most places are really asking for donations of gift cards and cash at this point, if not direct donations to people because I mean, it's great. Places are overwhelmed with donations of physical goods, but I think it's just sort of become a lot and thanks again everyone for your help and support. Absolutely. Alright, and now we are going to take our actual break and we will be right back. All right. We are back. And Elise, like you were asking before, we did get some emails and texts from our listeners. Do you want to take this first one?
Elise (14:34):
Yeah, sure. Hi, Dorian Elise, question for one of your mini apps. I had my first slash only baby five days ago. Congratulations and also have a sister who is concurrently going through fertility struggles. The timing of this birth has coincided with some setbacks for her and all the excitement over my baby and well wishes for Mutual Family have made her feel even worse. She and I have had some honest conversations about how she is feeling and I've done some things like drop off meals to her prior to the birth, but what else can I do to be supportive and not make things worse for her? Troy, I feel like you have talked about, maybe not this specific question, but just during times where you were having struggles with fertility and seeing some of your friends and peers and even your sister kind of
Doree (15:24):
Celebrating
Elise (15:25):
New babies, what is your advice, advice for this sister who just is at home with a newborn?
Doree (15:35):
Yeah, I mean think, well first of all, it's really thoughtful of you to be thinking about her at this time. I mean, you just had a baby. It's a very emotional and tumultuous time, so the fact that you're even thinking about your sister tells me that you're a really thoughtful person, so thank you for doing that. I think you can say to her, I'm going to take my lead from you. I totally understand. If it's hard for you, I would love to see you and have the baby meet you, and if that's too tough right now, I totally get it. And yeah, I would continue just sort of checking in with her and not making it about the baby. I wouldn't check in with her to be like, oh, I'm so tired. I was up all night with the baby. You know what I mean? Right, right. I would just maybe text her about Real Housewives or something, just sort of normal stuff that is not baby related. That would be my advice. What do you think, Elise, do you have any thoughts?
Elise (16:48):
No, I think that's lovely. We are all multifaceted people and obviously a fresh new baby is a time where you kind of are very focused on the child, but just taking a wider lens, that advice that you just offered and just remembering all the other things that you enjoy as part of your sisterly bond and leaning into that I think is smart. I'm thinking of our conversation with our guest Megan Kane and how she felt singleism that bias towards single people from her coupled friends the most when they focused on her singleism to the exclusion of other things. And
Doree (17:29):
So I wouldn't
Elise (17:30):
Overthink this either. Your sister's still your sister, you guys are in different states currently of fertility, but your relationship has so many more colors and shapes and
Doree (17:42):
Phases
Elise (17:43):
That you can lean into.
Doree (17:44):
Yes, yes, yes. I hope that helps and keep us posted on how things are going. All right. We got another text that I thought was really interesting. Hi, Dorian Elise, I'm a Patreon subscriber and love everything you both do and the community you've built. I'm wondering if you could talk a bit about career success or lack of and how that can affect your whole perception of yourself, how to find self-love and also meaning in your life with your career and outside it. I'm a violinist, and since I've been a child, my only love and dream was being a violinist. I wanted to perform. I love performing. I wanted to be a successful orchestra musician, renowned pedagogue or quartet violinist. I cared more for my success in my career than any other aspect of my life. I thought if I worked hard, then everything would fall into place.
(18:36):
As I've grown, my love has stayed, but my fear has grown and my lack of self-confidence has grown. I want the career so badly, but I also want stability and to feel like I've achieved success and to feel like I'm impacting the world. Right now, I'm in my master's degree, but 25 and no stable job outside of some gigs. I think about what I thought my life would look like at this age, and I'm far from it. I thought about how my level of playing would be, and I'm far from it. I'm full of disappointment, lack of confidence and fear. I'm trying to shed these, but it is tiresome to work. When I don't know how to overcome the specific obstacles in my playing, I struggle. Do I keep going down this path? At what point do I stop? If I alter course, how do I live with that and find fulfillment and self-love and meaning self in the core of my being? I don't think I can win an orchestra job that I've dreamed of. I dunno what to do, but at the end of the day, I just want to feel proud of myself and fulfilled in my life.
Elise (19:34):
Wow. This is a big existential question and you're only 25, so one thing to keep in mind is that your life and your path ideally is long and you're only in one stage of it. I identify with a lot of aspects of this in that for so long, being a journalist and being very good at being a journalist has been so central to who I was and my ideas of success and my notions of achievement. And I think that you maybe are getting to this earlier than I did, but by my mid thirties I was really shedding a lot of that and questioning a lot of that as well because it is sort of, you do get to a point whether you have achieved your particular career goals or not, where you kind of ask yourself, is this all there is? I either did this or I didn't make this mark.
(20:32):
And it's like, okay, now what? And so fulfillment really has to come in a lot more intrinsic ways. And so I would ask yourself when you were playing and when you really love making music, what is it that you love? Do a real kind of audit. What is it specifically that you love? What is the magic that you feel when you're making music or being creative or being the most you can be? Because there are a lot of ways to do that thing that don't involve getting into a specific orchestra or getting that specific job. You can do those things that make you feel the most you without the title or the on paper achievement. And then also along the same track as you're identifying what it is, those times when you're feeling like most inflow or most sort of aligned with your soul, think of the other times that you feel that way. I often feel as fulfilled when I'm out in the field and reporting a story. I often feel as fulfilled when I'm really laughing hard, like belly laughing with friends at dinner. And so I try to lean into those things that feel really great even though there's no career marker for it. But then I'm hosting a party where everybody is kind of getting to know each other and my friends are becoming friends. I have realized that brings me great fulfillment and joy and
Doree (22:01):
In
Elise (22:01):
Fact, I pay to do it. Nobody pays me, but I do it because it makes me feel the most el least. So I would ask yourself listener just to reflect and remember. Also that to me, I felt like a lot of pressure at 25 when I was your age too. And now looking back now that I am going to be 43, I just feel like, oh, you have so much more time to figure all of this stuff out too. So please, as we say to each other and often to listeners, give yourself grace and take the time to just listen to your inner voice.
Doree (22:43):
I think that's such good advice. I remember in my twenties hating when people were like, you're still so young because you don't feel so young. I always say, you're never as old as you are right now.
Elise (23:00):
Yeah, that's true. That's true. No, I don't want to be patronizing in any way. I just feel your life is long.
Doree (23:05):
Yeah. I don't think you are being patronizing because I'm about to say the same thing that, and I know it's really hard to give up on a dream that you've had for your whole life essentially, but you are still quite young. It is not too late to do something else. And I think you will find ways back if you're not a professional violinist. I think you'll find ways back to the violin that might not involve playing in an orchestra, and that's okay.
Elise (23:41):
You might love it more. Yeah. It might make you feel more fulfilled to play music without a clear objective at all.
Doree (23:46):
Yeah, totally. Okay, let's take another break and we'll be right back. We'll be back. Alright, we are back. Hello. We have a message about pet insurance. Do you want to take this one?
Elise (24:08):
I really want a pet insurance brand to sponsor this show, so just a call out once again, but that is not the text. The text is, hi guys. I'm so weirdly passionate about pet insurance and I had to text, I got it when I got my Oodle as a pup and wow, it has paid off. She's a normal active dog, but some weird business has required her to have two shoulder surgeries and physical therapy in two years. My pet insurance covered 80% of costs after meeting my deductible of $250 and because I'm a huge nerd, I once made a spreadsheet calculating the ROI of her pet insurance. It's staggering. I have saved over $10,000.
Doree (24:51):
Wow. I
Elise (24:51):
Know it's an easy cost to think is optional, but my dog is otherwise super healthy and has no genetic abnormalities, so this came out of left field. I'm privileged enough that it was never a choice of whether she would get surgery, but the insurance made the costs much easier to stomach. I think pet insurance saves you from having to make incredibly painful decisions based on finances and I passionately three exclamation points recommended to everyone I know. If you really don't want insurance, at least start a savings account for your pup with regular contributions because some shit absolutely will happen. I know it wishing Oscar the best. And then she sent a photo of Phoebe doing her physical therapy after her last surgery. Oscar got his sutures out so he no longer has those stitches in anymore and is on the mint. He had, I think three to five days and he allowed to be, he's clear for regular activities and baths again, really
Doree (25:49):
It's bath. Wow, okay.
Elise (25:52):
Yeah. I'm pleased to report this news, but kind of like I'm cautiously reporting this news because who knows what else he's going to eat and I don't think I'm out of my new pet insurance 15 day waiting period yet.
Doree (26:03):
That dog, that freaking dog. This is all good information. Thank you for
Elise (26:15):
Sharing. Yeah, definitely. I love your spreadsheet. I love that you made a spreadsheet.
Doree (26:19):
I know Elise, I was at Costco yesterday and when you're leaving and they have the car and the solar panels, all the shit, they're hawking between the register and the exit. Yes. They also have pet insurance.
Elise (26:42):
Oh, Costco pet insurance.
Doree (26:43):
Yes, there's Costco Pet insurance. I don't think it is Costco Pet Insurance, but they contract with someone who does pet insurance, so that might be one to look into. Okay. Yeah, I was like, oh, a mental note. Must tell Elise. Yeah, well put that in our Costco and Trader
Elise (27:00):
Joe's wrecks.
Doree (27:01):
Yeah,
Elise (27:01):
Exactly. Oh, and speaking of Trader Joe's wreck, we have one. We have one from
Doree (27:06):
A listener. We did get one. We did get one. We got a text that said, I have a Trader Joe's wreck. I'm not sure if these have been mentioned yet, but they are definitely worth a mention. The Trader Joe's pop up sponges. They are so great. I've been using them for at least 10 years, maybe longer made of vegetable cellulose, so no microplastics and come in a pack of 12. They're not the most exciting thing, but they are great.
Elise (27:30):
I didn't know about this at all.
Doree (27:32):
We have these pop up sponges.
Elise (27:33):
Oh, okay. I need to get some, I'm out of soap and I'm out of hand sanitizer that both of which I purchase at Trader Joe's, so I'll just pick these sponges up too while I'm there.
Doree (27:45):
Okay. Hot
Elise (27:46):
Tip. Do you have anything else you've seen at Trader Joe's lately?
Doree (27:51):
I'm trying to think if there's been a new thing. These aren't new, but I used to eat the chicken cilantro wontons pretty regularly and I've switched to the shrimp Gza
Elise (28:10):
Yum.
Doree (28:12):
The Thai shrimp gza. Now I developed a thing where I don't like eating the whole creature of something. No, I don't like to eat whole shrimp, but the cutup shrimp is like, okay,
Elise (28:30):
Okay. I had a dramatic very dory specific thing.
Doree (28:35):
I had a very traumatic experience at a crab boil.
Elise (28:39):
We need to hear that. Maybe we save.
Doree (28:45):
Not that exciting was I was celebrating a friend's birthday and we went to one of those crab places in Burbank or something and they just dump a shit ton of crabs on your table. Oh, funny. Yeah. I was so grossed out that I was like, this is so disgusting. I cannot, I'm not going to be able to eat crabs, muscles, scallops, shrimp, anything where you're eating the whole creature of something. I'm like, this is vile. So that's, it's a transformative
Elise (29:26):
Experience for you. It transformative.
Doree (29:28):
I'll eat crab when it's not in its full form
Elise (29:33):
And
Doree (29:33):
I'll eat shrimp when it's not
Elise (29:33):
Eat it. Would you eat crab in a sushi
Doree (29:37):
Roll, for example? Yes. I've eaten crab rolls for a while. I wasn't, and then I was like, I think I'm okay. I think I'm okay. I can make it.
Elise (29:46):
Okay. Now we know what not to do for Dory's
Doree (29:49):
Birthday. Yes, indeed.
Elise (29:52):
No crab boils really. No shellfish boils or fish fries or anything of any kind.
Doree (29:59):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Elise (30:01):
Okay.
Doree (30:02):
Alright. Well thanks everyone for listening. We appreciate you and we appreciate your support and we'll talk to you later.