Mini-Ep 350: Less Is More
Doree is honored at a gala and Kate helps her dress up for the event. Then, listeners send in their useful tactics for dealing with fat-phobic conversations, ask for vitamin C serums recs, and support getting through toddlerhood.
Mentioned in this Episode
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Transcript
Kate: Hello and welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I am Kate Spencer,
Doree: And I am Doree Shafrir.
Kate: And we are not experts.
Doree: We're not, but we are two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.
Kate: And this is a mini episode where we hear from you, we share your comments and your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability.
Doree: And please remember, we're not experts. We're podcast hosts and we always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Kate: If you would like to reach us, our voicemail and text number is (781) 591-0390. Call us up, talk to us about anything, text us anything. We are into it. So many people have texted us photos of how they cut up their product bottles. I was gonna try to put together a little carousel for the old Instagram. Oh yeah. For some reason that's been like a thing we're getting photos of. So if you have any and you wanna share last call, send them over via text, or you can email us at forever35podcast@gmail.com.
Doree: And don't forget, on our website Forever35podcast.com, we have links to everything we mention on the show. If you want our actual recs though, you can go to shopmy.us/forever35, and we're on Instagram @Forever35podcast. You can join the Forever35 Facebook group at facebook.com/groups/forever35podcast. The password is serums and we have a newsletter Foreverf35podcast.com/newsletter.
Kate: That's the biz.
Doree: That's the biz. Let me give you the biz.
Kate: Doree just gave us that biz hard. Was that weird? Was that too much, too sexy?
Doree: I mean, look, Kate, I want you to do what you feel.
Kate: Doree. I just wanted to note, and I think we'll talk about this again later, but you are being honored at a gala for work that you have done. No, but this is serious for work that you have done in support of a really wonderful organization here in Los Angeles. And I'm coming to watch, which is very exciting, but I want, and we'll talk more about this once it's happened, but I have kind of a nosy question just to get into, if you feel sharing,
Doree: Okay, I'm listening.
Kate: What are you wearing and are, what are you gonna do for your hair and your makeup? Again, this is the superficial side of things, but I am genuinely curious.
Doree: No. And it's been causing me a lot of anxiety because I haven't gone to been to one wedding, but I haven't gone to many formal events, shall we say <laugh>?
Kate: Yeah. we shall.
Doree: Since Covid. And so I was suddenly like, oh, I don't really have anything to wear. I do have one dress that I do like that I've worn several times to other events and I was like, I can always wear this dress. Not a big deal if I end up wearing this dress. But I was like, it would be fun to get a new dress. So I did actually find a dress yesterday. I went dress shopping and I found a dress Yeah. That I'm excited about. And now I'm like, oh wait, but I don't have shoes, <laugh>.
Kate: Of course, I know. It's the never ending list.
Doree: I think I did borrow it like a bag though. Cause I was also, I don't have a bag. I don't have anything suitable for a fancy, not a black tie. It's not a black tie event. It's not super fancy, but it's like cocktail and kind of fancy. Yeah. It's not like a black tie kind of thing, but it's also not super cas. So and I'm being honored. So I feel like I need to look a little put together, but I also don't wanna look like I'm going to prom, It's like
Kate: It's hard to do this as an adult, isn't it?
Doree: It's hard. It is hard. So we'll see. Kate, you'll have to tell me if you think I pull it off also. It's outside.
Kate: Oh, good to know.
Doree: Yes, good to know. There's heat lamps, it's like on a terrace and they're heat lamps. But I would also bring a shawl or a jacket of some sort.
Kate: This is very good information for me. I didn't mean to make this all about how I'm gonna survive an outside event, but it is chili here. It rained in California, which is basically our version of a snowstorm.
Doree: <laugh>. Henry kept saying, mama, why it rain on a we on Wednesday, <laugh> as though like,
Kate: Oh, Henry
Doree: Rain on Wednesday.
Kate: I dunno. It's so annoying that it rained on a Wednesday <laugh>.
Doree: And in terms of my hair and makeup, I have booked glam squad.
Kate: Okay, Doree, I like it. You and I have had positive experiences with glam squad.
Doree: We have had positive experiences with glam squad but again, my last positive experience with them was January, 2020 <laugh>.
Kate: Right, in the befores,
Doree: In the befores, I could do my own hair and makeup. I have done my own hair and makeup for fancy events, and I think it's been fine, but I just kind of wanted that off my plate. Kate, should we get to some listener questions?
Kate: Yeah. Because this first voicemail is not a question, it's a declaration.
Doree: Wow. I love a declaration
Kate: And I am very eager to dig into this.
Doree: I love a strong opinion.
Kate: This person is, they are making a statement about who they are and they are proud of it. And quite frankly, I'm proud of it.
Doree: All right, here we go.
Voicemail: In the spirit of places that people brush their teeth, I, Andrea from Oregon, want to admit that I am a airplane toothbrusher. I am an airport toothbrusher, I am an office toothbrusher. I am an in the car toothbrusher, and I have no shame about it. Thanks. Bye.
Doree: Oh my gosh. Okay. First of all, I hope that we never implied that anyone should have shame about this.
Kate: I hope. Well, let's clarify now. No, there's no shame in any of your tooth brushing games.
Doree: In the toothbrush game. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
Kate: Now I love a plane brush.
Doree: I respect this.
Kate: Do you plane brush?
Doree: So no. My only thing about a plane brush is like, do you bring bottled water into the bathroom? I don't want to put the water coming out of that bathroom sink in my mouth.
Kate: Well, there's always a nice sign that's like, do not drink this water. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm curious what the strategy is for a plane brush.
Doree: Yeah. Even if you're spitting it out, I don't want that water anywhere near my mouth.
Kate: An airport brush though. I do think what's more refreshing after a long grimy flight than cleaning up the mouth?
Doree: Yeah. I mean, I agree with that, but maybe wait till you get for me. I would maybe wait till I get to my destination.
Kate: You're not rushing to the bath. Some people, I see some people right in the bathroom after a flight and they are, they're scrubbing away. So I get the desire. Yeah. I think sometimes too for teeth brushing is like, it's washing a face. It's like a thing that helps people feel refreshed or
Doree: Mm-hmm. <affirmative>
Kate: Clean in a way. And so I understand the desire to do it. Andrea from Oregon, I just loved this statement. Voicemail.
Doree: Totally. I love a strong opinion.
Kate: Me too. All right moving on. An email that we received that is just delightful. Do you wanna read this one? You want me to read it? What should we do here?
Doree: I'm happy to read it.
Kate: Read it. And please use your best French accent for the introduc, the greeting.
Doree: May we. Bonjour madame
Kate: Thank you.
Doree: Should I read it in a French accent?
Kate: I don't think you need to do that. Okay. I mean, unless you are really feeling inspired, <laugh>.
Doree: No, I am a jewelry maker and I love listening to your podcast while working on orders in my home studio in the suburbs of Montreal, Canada. I would like to answer the question of the listener. With the seven year itch, your rings are way too small, and this is the cause of your skin irritation. So here's what you should do. Step one, take them off now and leave them off until your skin is completely healed. Step two, go to a jewelry store in your neighborhood, or preferably the store where your rings were bought. And ask them for a resizing. The person there will take your finger size with a metal ring sizer. The jeweler will cut the band and solder a piece of gold to extend the band to fit your current finger size. A good jeweler should be able to blend the new piece of metal to the band so you won't be able to see where the cut was made on your rings.
If you have a baby, gain weight, lose weight, get sick, or just get older, all those things are changing your body and your fingers too. So everyone who's having some rings that you don't wear anymore because they're too uncomfortable and not the right size, don't be afraid to get them resized. You'll be happy that you did. Oh, and one last thing. You should always get your ring size taken at the end of the day. This is when your hands are often a little swollen. They should be warm, too cold. Hands are always a bit smaller. So if you take your ring size on a warm and slightly swollen finger, you'll be sure to get the perfect ring size and you'll be completely, you'll be comfortably wearing those rings 24 7, even on a warm and humid summer day, hoping that my answer will be helpful to you, listener. Time for me to get back to work. Have a lovely day ladies. And then this listener added an eggplant emoji.
Kate: What? Great advice from a freaking expert.
Doree: Amazing, right? Yeah.
Kate: I had never thought about doing the ring sizing at the end of the day. And I actually have purchased ring sizing tools off of Amazon because, well, because it's one of those things where you're like, let's say you were gonna buy yourself a ring. And it's like, what's your ring size? I have no fucking idea what size my fingers are. Like that's not information that I retain. I can barely remember what blood type I am. <laugh>.
Doree: I know. Same.
Kate: I literally forget to every time.
Doree: Me too.
Kate: I will say if you give blood in the American Red Cross app, it retains your blood type. So now I do know what it is, but that's the only way I've ever learned.
Doree: Oh wow. That's cool.
Kate: Yeah, so I thought this was really handy advice. Oh, I didn't even mean to make that Pun. Wow. I didn't even mean to Doree.
Doree: Look at you.
Kate: Literally beaming.
Doree: You should be. That was good.
Kate: Wow.
Doree: That was good.
Kate: Oh, finally. I've got it. I've got it.
Doree: You've got it. You've got it. I finally rubbed off.
Kate: You have rubbed off. It's only taken five years.
Doree: Ugh.
Kate: All right, well let's take a pause and when we get back, we're talking we've got some serum questions coming up.
Doree: All right, let's do it. We'll be right back. All right. We are B.
Kate: We are B. Oh, look at you.
Doree: We're B
Kate: As requested
Doree: With an email. Yeah.
Kate: Here is a question from a listener. Kate. I started skin cycling soon after you first mentioned it on the pod, and I really like the results I'm seeing before skin cycling, I was exfoliating way too much and wasn't very consistent using retinol. Have you dropped a recovery night or added an additional retinol night? What retinol are you using? I'm using the Cerave Retinol Resurfacing serum, but want to move on to a stronger pure retinol. Excuse me. I'm happy to answer these questions. I haven't dropped a recovery night. In fact, I have added one. And the reason being is that I use tretinoin, which is something I still can't say. And it's really strong. And I notice I use the tiniest amount the size of a P, and I don't put it on my whole face but I notice on my forehead immediately after using it the next day I'm pretty flaky. So that to me is a sign of just like, okay, I don't need to be doing this more than once a week. So I tend to do my exfoliant, my tretinoin, and then three to four day recovery days and then repeat. And that's working for me. I'm trying to really be conscientious and not over do it because I don't necessarily think that adding another retinol night, let's say, is going to
Improve results. I actually think it can, I just, in my own anecdotal personal experience, I think it can be detrimental. I feel like less is more when it comes to this stuff. And so yeah, that's just kind of where I have landed and what works best for me. I am, so our Apostrophe has advertised on our podcast and they give do personalized specifically acne treatment. So because of that, I don't have really acne, but I do, I was interested in trying tret, so that is what I was able to, and actually I use their sunscreen too so that is my tretinoin, we can include a link. And I'm finding it works really well. I've used SkinCeuticals retinol before. That was the other retinol I've used <affirmative>. I personally think you're probably fine with Cerave, but yeah, I've used really the only other one I've ever used, cuz I'm kind of still new to Retinol. Do you have a retinol serum that you use? Doree?
Doree: I've just been using my Apostrophe retinol.
Kate: Oh, there we go.
Doree: But I took the summer off
Kate: Smart
Doree: Because even though I wear sunscreen and a hat, I'm still playing tennis at least twice a week in the blazing Hot California summer, sun, and retinol makes your skin much more sensitive to the sun and sun damage. And so I just was like, I'm gonna just take the summer off.
Kate: I think that's a great plan. Again,
Doree: Just literally within the last two weeks was I've just been getting back into doing retinol two to three times a week. Only on nights where I know the next day I'm not going be playing tennis even because even though we're not in the height of the summer, I still try to be careful.
Kate: Yeah, smart, good for you. Yes, I think, no, seriously. I know that sounds dorky, but I feel like again, less is more. It's just <affirmative>. I really do. I think we, we've all over exfoliated and gone hardcore on skin stuff and perhaps pulling back is the answer.
Doree: Oh, for sure. I mean, there was a period in my life where I was using P50, the Biologique Recherche P50, which is a very strong chemical exfoliant. I was using it every day.
Kate: I remember, I feel like I knew you at this time in your life.
Doree: I'm sure you did
Kate: Because this was kind of before the pod, but still <affirmative>. Yeah, <affirmative>,
Doree: <affirmative>. So I think I definitely was over chemical exfoliating, but yeah, now I've seen the light. Alright, do we wanna read this one about vitamin C serums?
Kate: Yes. Do we not? Okay. Are you worried
Doree: because we, no, I'm just wondering.
Kate: Talked about vitamin C not being worth it.
Doree: Yeah, I mean we can also just say that.
Kate: Yeah, I mean I still use vitamin C every day, so All
Doree: Right. Here is a text. Hi, can we talk vitamin C serums? I am new to the vitamin C arena and not sure how my skin will handle it. Any recs for an entry level product for my early 40 something skin? I was curious about the Paula's Choice vitamin C or any dupes for the SkinCeuticals CE Ferulic. Not sure I wanna spend that much not knowing if my skin likes vitamin C. Would love to know your thoughts. And recs. Thanks.
Kate: So vitamin C hot topic on the pod lately because we had Val Monroe, who former beauty editor at Oprah Magazine, who's basically like, I don't do vitamin C <affirmative> and we have other people who are like, I swear by vitamin C now I still use a vitamin C serum. Do you use one Doree?
Doree: I do not.
Kate: Okay. Okay. So here we go. And look, we both have stunning skin, so truly doesn't matter what you do.
Doree: Stunning.
Kate: Stunning. I use SkinCeuticals CE Ferulic. This is the first time in my life I've ever used it. It is very expensive. Do not start with that. In fact, I don't know if I'll continue using it because it was so expensive. So I would todaloo over to the store. I would try mean you could try. Paula's choice. Their price point tends to be pretty good. And that seem, I've never tried it. I have used Mad Hippie, which I've liked and a lot of people are fans of. I know you can get that at Whole Foods. I was at Target the other day and I saw True Skin in the aisle and their vitamin C is supposed to be pretty good. You could use CeraVe, which I think is supposed to be very good for sensitive skin, their vitamin C but that's what I would do. I would start small. I don't think you need to go balls to the wall spending a bunch of money. You're gonna find a perfectly good product at your drugstore.
Doree: I think that's great advice, Kate.
Kate: Thank You.
Doree: All right. Another text listening to mini up 345 and want y'all to know that Sephora sells a very inexpensive set of tools together, a squeeze key and a tiny spatula. I live for them also to the tingly asshole Tea Tree, body wash user <laugh>, tingly is normal, but a medical provider always recommend keeping soap out of your vag. Wash the outer laba, but think of the inner laba and vagina as a self-cleaning oven. Most soaps and cleansers can alter the very delicate pH balance.
Kate: Yeah. Here's what the patriarchy doesn't want us to know. Our vaginas are like superheroes and we've been fed all this bullshit about how they're dirty and smelly and douching and using scented fucking scented pads. I mean, that's scented tampons bonkers. So I am on my labia shaped soap box to just agree with what this listener says. You don't need shit. Wow. Little water's gonna do the trick, guys, folks.
Doree: Kate, what else does the patriarchy not want us to know?
Kate: I mean everything. That's why all these <laugh>, that's why we're trapped in this nightmare. The patriarchy is keeping us all down.
Doree: It's true. It's true.
Kate: I mean, what else They want us to know. Fucking everything.
Doree: Fucking everything.
Kate: I mean, diet culture is, and look, and again, I'm not saying I'm above any of this shit, but it's all just a plot to keep our brains occupied with self-loathing while they take away all our rights. I mean, I challenge you to disagree with me on this.
Doree: I Agree.
Kate: I mean, I know. Yes, I know you do. Yeah. Anyway, yeah. Boy, I hate everything. Okay, well on that note, <laugh>, take an ad break,
Doree: <laugh>. Okay, let's do that. All right, we are back and we have a voicemail.
Voicemail: Hey Kat and Dor, I was wondering if you have any advice for me going through toddlerhood and babyhood with my kids? It is so hard right now. I have a two and a half year old and an 11 month old, and I've just been having some really dark days lately where I'm longing for my old life and sometimes even wondering if I made the right choice to have kids at this point in my life. I mean, it has just been so grueling and exhausting. And I guess I just want some reassurance that it'll get better. I mean, I hope <laugh> just, can you tell me anything that got you guys through this time or anything that helped? I would really appreciate it. Love the show. Thanks guys.
Kate: Should I get back?
Doree: Can I give you a Hug?
Kate: Yeah. First get a hug from Doree. Then I'm gonna get back on my labia shaped soap box.
Doree: Wow. <laugh>
Kate: Also, what do you think? That makes sense.
Doree: I know what I'm getting you for Christmas,
Kate: <laugh> <laugh>. My kids are like, what's in this big box?
Doree: <laugh>? Just a labia shaped soap box,
Kate: A round shaped soapbox. You know what I mean? I have so many thoughts for this listener and Doree. I'm sure you do too. But I just first wanted to just note, because I do think it relates to what I was just yammering about before, is that culturally we, nothing is set up to support parents, especially mothers <affirmative>. So nothing is set up in the systems of the world to make this easy for you. So I wanna just first note that going into this <affirmative> conversation is that it's not,
Doree: I think that's so important.
Kate: It's not you in there. Obviously individual support is necessary and we'll get on that. But I just wanted to first note that passing the mic to you, Doree, I feel like you have a lot to offer in this area.
Doree: Well, the first thing I was, I just thinking is you are in the shit. You are in the hardest time. Did she say exactly how old your kids are? Did I miss that?
Kate: Two and a half and 11 months.
Doree: Two and a half. Right, right, right. Okay. I mean, holy shit.
Kate: Yeah, Wolf
Doree: Like, woo. Exactly. This is a really tough time. These are really tough ages by themselves and together. Yikes. So I obviously only have one child, Kate, maybe you can speak to this a little bit more from experience, but from what I have observed is that this time before they can really play together is very hard. And especially before the littlest one can talk. And they both need you all the time. This is just really tough. And from what I have seen amongst my friends and family, it's probably not gonna <laugh> get easier until the oldest one is at least four. And so I say that not to depress you, I say that to say that there is light at the end of the tunnel. It's just kind of a long tunnel and whatever you can do to just get through it is okay.
Kate: Yeah. I fully agree with Doree. My kids are two and a quarter years apart, so not as intense as yours. And it was really hard those first, I think Dory's right three and a half when my oldest finally was in the threes to fours, I finally was started to feel like I had some sense of my own self again. But it's incredibly hard and I wanna validate all your feelings. I have had feelings of why the fuck did I do this? I think that's really normal and it's not talked about enough. And the other thing I would say,
Doree: And it's so normal to mourn your old life. Sorry to interrupt you, Kate.
Kate: No, I mean sometimes I still mourn my old life and my children are all 12 and nine or I mourn. I look at my childless friends and I'm like, oh yeah baby, that looks pretty great over there.
So totally normal in the sacrifices that you have to make as a parent are a lot. I wanted to just suggest if you can, finding either an online parents group, mom's group or even better in person group. I know that Covid has made everything a million times harder in this front, but those have been lifelines for me. There's even a Forever35 parents group that might on Facebook that might be helpful. I also think if you are not seeing a therapist and also inquiring about medication, if you are feeling really depressed or anxious, those are two really valid things to look into. And there's no shame involved in medication if it's feeling really dark for you that that's your mental, that is to me, your mental health. Also talking here and postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety. I'm no expert in this area, but I don't think that it can occur at times other than just after having a newborn. And I just think those are two really positive avenues to look into. And we are thinking of you and we stand with you in solidarity.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: All right. Well, Dory, we have one last voicemail to share from a listener who is offering some really good usable tactics when dealing with fat phobia.
Doree: Oh, okay.
Voicemail: Hi Kat and Dor. This is Amanda from North Carolina. I was having a pause the pod moment with the listener who said that they were struggling with what to do with their friends who engaged in a really toxic body and diet talk. I just saw today Aubrey Gordon, formerly Your Fat Friend and Maintenance Phase, has a wonderful article that she just reshared called 25 Responses to Never Ending Diet Talk, which is literally just a list of things that you can say to put an end to those kind conversations. And Ill say in the past, I've had a lot of luck with friends who were engaging in diet talk by just saying something along the lines of, I have a history of disordered eating and I really can't engage in discussions of food and body and left it at that and didn't kinda get into a lot of the specifics about what my history was. But I think y'all were saying rooting it in yourself with your own experience and how things make you feel is a really great entry point. Because if they're your friends and they care about you and how you feel that can be an easy way to shut it down without having to engage in a larger conversation that they may not be ready for. Hope that that's helpful. Love. Thank you. Bye.
Doree: That's a great tactic.
Kate: Yeah, such great advice. Love this. Love Aubrey Gordon. Yes. She's a dream podcast
Doree: <affirmative>. Let's manifest that.
Kate: We are really focusing on that right now energetically, so join us in that. But thank you. This is really helpful. And I will say for me, it's hard for me to speak up, so I get nervous in those situations. So I would be really curious what it's like to actually speak up in this way. And I think it's something I would like to practice for sure.
Doree: Totally. Always. Our listeners came through with great questions, great thoughts, great advice.
Kate: The best.
Doree: Y'all are the best. All right, we'll talk to you soon.
Kate: Bye.
Doree: Bye.