Listener Q&A Ep: What About Your (Work) Friends
Kate and Doree ponder what it means to be a parent of a young romance reader and the youthful expletive exuberance of Olivia Rodrigo’s new album. Then they hear from listeners about a tomato soup recipe, the elasticity of skin, work friends, and scheduling paralysis.
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Transcript
Kate: Hello. Welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Kate Spencer
Doree: And I am Doree Shafrir.
Kate: And we're not experts.
Doree: We're not, we're two friends who like to talk a lot about serums
Kate: And Olivia Rodrigo's new album Guts.
Doree: Yeah. How are you feeling about it? Is it really speaking to you?
Kate: I've listened to it at approximately 10,000 times with my two daughters, ages 10 and almost 13, so
Doree: Oh, they are right in the Olivia Rodrigo demo.
Kate: Oh, you know what? And Olivia really timed this well. It's just before we have a little break from Taylor Swift mania in my house because the ERAS tour is little on a pause. Then the movie's not coming out for a few weeks.
Doree: Totally. You're right.
Kate: This is a great time to be into guts. I did text you and I said, I think you would like this. Have you listened to it at all by any chance?
Doree: Yes, you did text me. No, I have not. I've not had a chance.
Kate: It's pretty great. It's a pretty great pop rock album.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: It has a lot of catchy songs. My daughters, their feeling is they really like it, but they do feel like she swears a little too much. It's a little bit of trying to be edgy at 20 swearing.
Doree: Right, right, right. Okay.
Kate: But it's catchy af the songs are good. It's a really fun album, and she just announced her tour today and Anthony texted me and was like, he texted me the tour and then he just wrote with the Breeders because she's playing with the breeders in Los Angeles, and I was like, oh, sweet Gen X husband.
Doree: That is so funny. It's like they know that Olivia, that her fans are going to come with their parents
Kate: Parents will be. I know. I don't care about The Breeders. That is not my musical nostalgia.
Doree: Wow Kate.
Kate: You and I have very different musical connections to the nineties.
Doree: I know.
Kate: Are they the seer people? Don't the see there is that them?
Doree: Yes.
Kate: Okay.
Doree: Right.
Kate: I don't Now look at this. No, they sing Cannonball that song.
Doree: Yeah, they sing Canonball.
Kate: I remember that song. Oh. Oh, it's Kim deal. She's important, but I can't remember why. Is she Riot Girl?
Doree: She is Riot Girl, and then it was with her sister. Okay, so they sang Cannonball, they sang Divine Hammer And They were in the same universe as Belly and The Pixies and
Kate: Doree Verruca Salt sings.
Doree: Yes. Yes.
Kate: Excuse me.
Doree: Thank you.
Kate: Well, maybe you and Anthony should go to The Breeders and Olivia Rodrigo. I'll go for Olivia. I won't be, I mean, I'll bop to the Breeders. I won't be too
Doree: Well if I going to go see The Breeders. They are actually performing in la. They're doing their own show, so I would probably just go see them by themselves.
Kate: Are you a Pixies fan?
Doree: I mean, yes. I used to really like the Pixies. I still like them.
Kate: Okay.
Doree: I've seen them live. Yeah. I like the Pixies.
Kate: I will tell you, I'm pretty sure it is the Pixies that there was a band, I think it was the Pixies that you were like, oh, I like this. I like this band. They were playing on the OC and I was like, I have never heard a single pixie song to save my fricking life.
Doree: Really?
Kate: Yeah. And then I think I added one to one of my writing playlists.
Doree: Well, and then
Kate: I'm thinking of the new pornographers, excuse me, but I clumped those all together as the same kind of band
Doree: And then we can move on, but my first exposure to the Pixies was on the pump up the volume soundtrack.
Kate: Ooh, you had the pump up, the volume soundtrack.
Doree: Fuck Yeah. I had it on cassette.
Kate: Seriously?
Doree: Yes. I think I still have it in a shoebox somewhere.
Kate: Pump up the volume soundtrack on cassette. Oh, this has got to be a sexy look.
Doree: See, I was pretty cool when I was 13.
Kate: Wave of Mutilation.
Doree: Yeah. See, I would've bit, wow.
Kate: Henry Rollins, you were Rocking Hard Cowboy Junkies.
Doree: It's a great soundtrack. I mean, the nineties, there were great soundtracks in the nineties.
Kate: I mean there were, but I was just because I'm just enough younger than you that I was picking up the single soundtrack, the Reality Bite soundtrack. I missed the popup, the volume soundtrack.
Doree: I had had both of those. Also,
Kate: What I'm saying is you were cooler earlier than me because
Doree: Oh, because I was older. You're older.
Kate: Yeah,
Doree: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kate: In 1990 I was still into the new kids on the block. And I feel like you were probably edging out of that.
Doree: Yes, I was into New Kids on the Block in sixth grade, which was early, earlier than that. Yeah. By the time Pump Up the volume came out, I was in eighth grade, which is prime time for Discovering Your Love for Brooding Christian Slater.
Kate: Oh God. Can you imagine? I wonder who that is for my kids right now. I should ask them. There's no edgy kind of pump up the volume teen movies for Kids.
Doree: I know everything
Kate: Or like teens,
Doree: Everything feels so like bubble gummy.
Kate: They did enjoy and I did too. You are so not coming to my bat mitzvah. That was fun and kind of right in their age. Ballpark.
Doree: What about sex education and Heart Stopper? I feel like there's some good British teen shows.
Kate: So my 10 year old is obsessed with Heart Stopper. She reads the graphic novels. Huge, huge, huge Heart stopper fan. And my 13 year old loves Never Have I Ever, and Summer I turn pretty. There's the Jenny Hahn-Ance That's happening on all every Jenny Hahn related xo Kitty, all the two, all the boys. We are just deep in the, oh my God. Haven't even have I told you this? Do you remember when I was binge reading all of Sarah j Moss's books about the fairies?
Doree: Yes.
Kate: Have I told you so? My oldest daughter, she and her friends are now digging up those Sarah J. Moss books and this was the first time where I was like, oh fuck, my kid and I are going to be reading the same books and I dunno, it just opened up Kind of a wild is I try not to talk about my kids too much on the podcast. I don't want, they can now find this podcast and hear me talk about them and their friends can, and that really kind of freaks me out so I won't get too much into it in the conversations that I'm having with my daughter about books and reading. But it was just kind of that when we talk about ourselves and we're like, oh, well I was reading Stephen King and Flowers in the Attic and my grandmother's romance novels. It feels fine in our own narrative about our own childhood, but then when it's your own kid, It's like, I don't want my kid reading Stephen King's It at 10 years old, which is a hundred percent what I was doing. I don't know, it's just different when you're the parent.
Doree: It hits different, I mean
Kate: it hits different.
Doree: It reminds me of the conversations we've had with some of the romance writers and romance readers that we've had on the podcast and asking them what their romance origin story was. And across the board it was like, I found my mom's copy of blah blah blah, and I read it in secret. You know what I mean? I just feel like that's kind of a universal truth.
Kate: Yes. It's just hard when you have to accept that your own offspring will then have those truths themselves.
Doree: Totally. I get that.
Kate: And that's where it gets weird sharing look, get that We are sharing in the Olivia Rodrigo experience together, and that has been really fun. We're listening to that album all the time.
Doree: Oh, I love that.
Kate: For better or for worse, it's just Olivia nonstop right now.
Doree: Maybe I'll play it for Henry.
Kate: See what you think has a lot of f-bomb Doree. She says, fuck nonstop. She's 20, she's 20.
Doree: She's 20. She's got to establish her bonafides.
Kate: Yeah, I think that's it.
Doree: Interesting. Okay, so maybe I won't play for Henry because he's definitely in an imitating everything. He hears phase
Kate: Well, have you played Kids Bop for Henry? Because kids Bop.
Doree: It's sanitized version.
Kate: It's perfect to the point where sometimes it's hilarious.
Doree: Maybe I'll play kids Bop. My nieces love Kids Bop and it's really cute to see them singing along.
Kate: I enjoy a good kids bop. I actually just circling back to Olivia, I would be curious for you to listen because I'm trying to bringing up kind of making me think about what I was like at 20, Which was 24 years ago, which is wild, but I would be curious. It it's like a lot of those raw feelings from that age where you're kind of on this weird cusp of emotional adulthood, but also still emotionally a teen and so much to the point of just everything is just heightened when you're 20. So I would be curious, I would love for you to listen through a few times and just see if you feel that 20 year old angsty party animal vibe that I'm getting and just remembering what I was like then.
Doree: Yeah,
Kate: And how things change. Oh, they change
Doree: Kate. I know
Kate: The times they go changing. Now, switching gears Doree before we shift to take a break, I need to give a shout out to another podcast.
Doree: Oh, I love this. Yes, go on.
Kate: Okay. So I listened to Busy and Casey's podcast, busy Phillips is doing her best with Casey St. Che and that's one of my go-to podcasts when I'm in the mood for a pod and I have not been on social media now for a while, I've kind of been dipping a toe back into Instagram, but it makes me feel awful. But I didn't look at Instagram for over a month and I didn't realize, so I am not able to keep up with what the people I follow are doing and Busy Phillips obviously someone I follow I'm a fan of, but she lost her best friend very quickly to cancer and I wasn't aware and I was just tuning into the podcast and the episode where she talks about losing friend and just the way in which she's extremely open with her grief just felt very honest to me and I thought it was a really poignant listen that if anybody else, it's obviously very intense, but we are now at this kind of older age where as much as it's shouldn't be a reality that we are losing people like our peers, that is more of a thing. And I just thought it was beautiful because it's someone who's been her lifelong friend since she was a teenager, maybe younger, And I think she's been posting a lot of photos of them in the nineties and just kind of this reflecting on friendships, which is something I've been just kind of thinking a lot about this year and showing up and the ways in which people show up for us and the way these friendships last. I just think it's really moving and obviously I'm deeply sorry for her loss. It sounds awful, but it's also just kind of a beautiful testament to the power of friendship, which I just think is really moving. So yeah, that's beautiful. Another pod, listen, you're in the mood.
Doree: Love that. Thank you Kate for that rec.
Kate: You're welcome. Doree, should we take a break?
Doree: Let's take a little break, but before we do that, let's just remind everyone that our website Forever35podcast.com has links to everything we mentioned on the show. We're on Instagram @Forever35podcast. We also have a Patreon at patreon.com/forever three five. We're doing some really fun stuff on the Patreon. We have another episode with Jackie Johnson coming up where we're going to get real saucy again and we've been recapping the oc, we've been doing product recall, we've been doing Patreon exclusive q and a episodes. We also have our Discord where we're chatting away. It's real fun over there and it's just five bucks a month. So please join us patreon.com/forever35. We also have our favorite products at Shopmy.us/forever35. Our newsletter is at Forever35podcast.com/newsletter. And please do call or text us at (781) 591-0390 and email us at forever35podcast@gmail.com.
Kate: That's the stuff.
Doree: That's all the stuff.
Kate: We will be right back after our break with some listener questions.
Doree: BRB
Kate: Doree. I think one thing I don't know if folks realize since we've moved doing our episodes to weekly is that this kind of listener q and a episode is essentially our mini episodes.
Doree: Yes. Thank you for pointing that out, Kate.
Kate: We don't want to call them mini episodes. They're not mini in size.
Doree: It's true.
Kate: But that is what, they are just longer and we're coming in hot with as usual a wide variety of questions.
Doree: A real smorgasbord.
Kate: Before we get started, can I just make a declaration?
Doree: Of course.
Kate: I love the smell of dry bar hair products.
Doree: Oh, okay. I didn't know what you were going to say. I would not have guessed that, but I'm here for it.
Kate: I just sprayed a bunch of dry bar dry shampoo on my head and I live for the smell of the dry bar hair products whenever I go in for my once a year dry bar blow dry. I don't even know if their products are any good. I just love whatever their smell is. It's my favorite product smell.
Doree: That's so interesting. Well, I love that for you.
Kate: You know what else? I have an affinity for the dry bar products.
Doree: Let us know.
Kate: I'm obsessed. I want to smell my head right now. Okay, but that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about tomato soup because that is what we got an email about.
Doree: Okay, let's talk about tomato soup, Kate.
Kate: Okay. Hi Kat and for, but I think that's a typo and they mean door
Doree: Probably.
Kate: This is a throwback. Kate once shared her go-to tomato soup. I think it was super simple like butter, onion, tomatoes, and maybe garlic and broth. I have tomatoes coming out of my ears. I've made bolognese, gazpacho tomato tarts. I dunno what that means. I want to make some great tomato soup with some crusty sourdough with melted brie. If this rings any bells, please share. Thank you. Oh so much. I've listened since episode one.
Doree: I think she meant, oh no, actually no. I don't know. Nevermind.
Kate: Like a tartine.
Doree: Yeah, Maybe
Kate: This listener is making tomato tarts.
Doree: They sound amazing.
Kate: It sounds delicious. Can you imagine this spread? Bolognese gazpacho and a tomato tart. Sounds like my fricking dream meal. Tomato soup with crusty sourdough and melted brie also sounds delicious. I know.
Doree: I mean melted brie.
Kate: I know.
Doree: Sign me up.
Kate: Just that alone. I think I have some brie in my fridge from a movie night that I hosted this weekend. I might have. My God, Doree, have you watched Red white and Royal Blue yet?
Doree: No.
Kate: Okay. Well that's what I watched with my rom-com movie club.
Doree: I heard it's very sexy.
Kate: It is. Except there's a scene in the book that wasn't in the movie and I wanted it to be, and I was mad, unfortunate. Sorry. Back to tomato soup. I really went off on it.
Doree: Back to tomatoe soup
Kate: Tangent there. So I don't have a go-to tomato soup. I have some recipes that I've tried, but I looked through a bunch of my old meal plans and I couldn't find any sort of recipe. So I linked to something and I will link to something in the show notes that I think is closest to what you're thinking of and to what I've cooked before. And it's basically Marcella Hasan's famous tomato sauce just in a soupier form. And yes, it does have all the things that you mentioned and I eat that tomato sauce. I'll eat it just plain. But I think you'll be pleased with the recipe that I have found listener.
Doree: Okay. Well you heard it here first.
Kate: This sounds delicious. And for the first time in months, it's like cooler and overcast here in the southern California area. And I'm ready for tomato soup sourdough season. Grilled cheese season.
Doree: Yes. Sounds great.
Kate: I'm ready.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: I mean, I take a Campbell's tomato soup, I don't need it to be fancy.
Doree: A good tomato soup witha grilled cheese, which I think is essentially what this melted breeze situation sounds like.
Kate: Yes.
Doree: Perfect.
Kate: Alright. One of the most perfect meals to ever be made.
Doree: It's true.
Kate: Tomato soup and a grilled cheese.
Doree: Alright, we heard from one of our, I mean I shouldn't say that we have favorite listeners, but whenever we hear from this listener, we get a little ryle of Joy And that listener is Barb.
Kate: Barb. I mean Barb writes us the kindest messages and it really makes our day when we get messages from Barb. So Barb, thank you for reaching out.
Doree: It really does. Okay, here's what Barb had to say. Hi Doree and Kate. Hope you're both doing well. I'm grateful that I'm able to hear a nice long episode from you on Mondays that have now switched to Wednesdays. But yes, same idea. Doree, this past week you were talking about your mom visiting and offering her gym clothes and were dismayed because she was unsure about wearing one of your items to Zumba would only wear in spin class dark room. I'm assuming as a woman your mom's age, I can relate you and Kate will understand when you get to be our age, if you're someone like your mom or me, it's harder to maintain the youthfulness when you have a crepey neck or thighs, no matter how in shape you are, you can't control the gravity of the elasticity that occurs with growing older. I think we've made peace with some of that body image negativity, but that doesn't translate into flaunting our newly acquired aging challenges. I don't think I'm doing a good job explaining what I mean, but hopefully you'll understand that it doesn't matter what you do or think now when your body takes over and is out of your control, it's a whole new experience. I now understand why my mom wore scarves around her neck.
Kate: Well you know what? I responded to Barb's email and I said, I get this actually because this is how I have been feeling about wrinkles, Which is I understand skin neutrality and I understand the construct and the nightmare of the beauty industry and the beauty industry industrial complex, if you will. And I understand all the lies were being sold. But now at 44 also know what it feels like to watch my face change in a way that makes me feel like time is speeding ahead of me. And it doesn't even have anything to do with, to me anyway, not necessarily even wanting to look a certain way. It has to do with mortality, I think.
Doree: Yeah, totally.
Kate: Of just what the fuck. And it has made me a lot more kind of empathetic to the reasons why we get sucked into this kind of concept of, and I am questioning or I'm thinking more about it. I don't know, am I making sense Doree?
Doree: Yeah, I mean I think these are sort of ongoing issues for both of us.
Kate: Yeah. This is kind when someone who's like 25 is like Love your skin. And it's like, yeah, but just wait also and let's, let me talk to you when you're my age and see if you're like Love your skin, but also like, whoa, what the fuck?
Doree: Yeah. I mean I think it's hard to not recognize yourself.
Kate: It's hard to not recognize yourself and I think sometimes the insight and the out. Yeah. And it's also scary to feel like time is ticking away.
Doree: Yeah, totally. It's like a visual reminder of the fact that of our mortality,
Kate: Of our mortality. I think that is a big part of it that I don't think gets discussed as we talk about why we get caught up in trying to change how we look and change our appearance and hung up on our appearance and stuff. I do think so much of it is that, but I'm only starting to really understand that as I really hit middle age. I think. So Barb, we appreciate your perspective.
Doree: We do
Kate: Thank you for offering it and this is definitely, definitely on our minds in our own ways.
Doree: Yeah, it's definitely on our minds'.
Kate: Yeah. Okay. This question is fascinating to me. So this person left us a voicemail which we will play and they were responding to this. Someone had reached out to us who's feeling left out by a group of work friends, but this person poses an interesting follow-up, which is like, well then what do you recommend people do if they want to hang out with certain people from work?
Doree: These are good questions, Kate.
Kate: Well, we're about to hear this question.
Voicemail: Hey, this is Kelly from Denver. First time caller, very long time listener. I'm actually doing a free listen to Mini epp 212, I guess, I dunno, maybe a year ago, two years ago, 2021. Anyways, one of the questions that someone had written in about was she in a workplace had friends initially, they hung out outside of and found out the other four were hanging out without her and just not telling her about it. But things are still cool between them at work in that sense, the writer or collar was the who started to be left out. A lot of Yall's responses were like, oh, that really sucks, or Oh, this other four are being shitty. And I guess my question is what would you suggest if you're in a workplace and say five people of the age, one of them just doesn't vibe, the rest of the group. Is it kind just social courtesy mandates either all five of you hang out or you only do smaller hangs with your other coworkers? Or is it kind of a, hey, keep things professional at work, but the other four people who are more similar are free to hang out outside of work and obviously just don't talk about those things in front of one other person. Anyways, curious on your thoughts and if time has changed the way you think about any of that Love the podcast.
Doree: Kate, what do you think about this? Also, I just want to note anyone who is watching the video version of this on our Patreon will see how we listen to voicemails on this podcast,
Kate: which is staring. It's very high tech.
Doree: You mean our technology of holding the speaker up to the microphone?
Kate: But it works.
Doree: Hey, it works,
Kate: It works. But boy have there so many times. Does your speaker shut off in the middle of playing a voicemail and we have to redo it?
Doree: That is not my speaker's fault. That is the iPhone and it's actually, it's like a known issue. I've seen people tweet about it and I was like, Oh, no way.
Kate: That's Fascinating.
Doree: This was not just me.
Kate: I thought it was always the speaker. I didn't know it was the iPhone. What a piece that iPhone is.
Doree: No, it's the phone
Kate: So I do want to say that I have not worked in an office for almost 10 years. So I don't know what the culture is, especially in a pandemic when people are still half at work, half working remote, everything is, you might not want to be around people for your own health. This is a little, I don't know. So let's just assume in a world flashback to 2000 and whenever I was still working in an office, and I mean this is tricky. I think there is a courtesy to how we behave in the office and that should be coworkers. We're all coworkers. But then I think it's kind of fair game outside of work, I think. So it's just tricky because I think in the last decade or so, a lot of corporations have really purposely blurred the lines between work and life. I mean, you worked at Buzzfeed where I feel like that was a place, is a place that kind of epitomized this work is fun, let's always be working kind of vibe. And that can really blur the lines. I mean maybe Gen Z is going to really change things up for us and make it solve this. I don't know. Doree, what do you think?
Doree: Well, I think that remote work has changed a lot of this
Kate: For sure.
Doree: And that office culture is really changing and changing in real time. And I do think a lot of Gen Z doesn't want to go into the office and I don't blame them, but for at least in New York, which was often a lot of people in their first jobs out of college, moving to a new city where they might not know a lot of people, the office was where they made their first kind of friend group. And it will be interesting to see what happens with all these people who don't have that experience anymore. I'm not saying that that is a reason to have everyone suddenly go back to the office, but it does signal a massive cultural shift.
Kate: Totally.
Doree: I don't know. I'm curious to see how this all plays out. Maybe people will become friends with the people they in the coffee shop or wherever they do their work from home work.
Kate: Interesting. Or their WeWork friends.
Doree: But I think a lot of, especially at the younger end of things, they're not going to WeWork, they're just sitting in their apartments.
Kate: Yeah.
Doree: I don't know. It'll be interesting. It'll be interesting to see kind of how that plays out.
Kate: I think we're ready for a new take on corporate culture. I think there can be a rewriting of the rules
Doree: For sure.
Kate: So maybe for this listener, I feel like, you know what, you can kind of set the tone. You can decide how this is done.
Doree: I dunno. You have the power.
Kate: Okay, here's a text that I connected with. Someone just gave me the gift of the phrase scheduling paralysis. Do you ever feel this way? How do you deal with it? I want to make plans with friends, but overthink all the scheduling details and don't even get around to texting them. And then I feel guilty for not putting more effort into my friendships. What is the solution? I mean, you just described me in a nutshell. So
Doree: I mean, I am not a doctor. I'm not here to diagnose anyone, but my sort of anecdotal experience is, this to me sounds correlated to ADHD
Kate: Especially because I read this and I was like, wow, did I write this to our own podcast? I understand this so completely was shocking to me. So you understand this?
Doree: Yes. I've seen this with another mutual friend of ours who has ADHD. I've seen this with my husband. It's the logistics and the details just start to feel very overwhelming. And for me, as someone who doesn't have ADHD, I can sometimes find this frustrating because it can be frustrating to try to make plans with someone who has scheduling paralysis.
Kate: You don't say. Yeah, I think one of the solutions, so this is something I've been really actually thinking about and trying to work on. I was having this in real time recently, which was so funny that I stumbled across this message And the way I tried to handle it, I've been trying to make a plan with a group of friends and everybody was like, I can do this night and I can't do this night. And I was like, I'm so overwhelmed, I don't know what to do. So what I did was I made plans with one person who I knew could commit to it, and it was just to come over and hang out at my house, have a drink outside. And then after that was confirmed and I knew that that was a real thing that was going to happen. I then told other people, Hey, we're going to do this. Come join us if you can join. I think though, when I get tripped up is the getting, everybody's sending out a doodle to find the time that works for everybody. And then I think you have to be definitive in your, make the decision and then whoever can come can come. And I think you just have to find a remedy for your own brain. I don't know mean that's not the best answer, that doesn't totally solve the problem, but I do truly understand this and the way it makes you feel and then the way it impacts your friendships and then the guilt and horror you feel over that. I get all of this deeply. I dunno if I have an answer.
Doree: I mean, look, I get overwhelmed by making group plans that I think is somewhat separate. Group plans are so annoying. Once you get bigger than three people
Kate: Forget it.
Doree: There's literally never one night that everyone can make it. And then even once you choose a night, people flake. I think people feel more inclined to Flake because it's a group. They're like, well, there's eight people and if I don't show up, it's not a big deal. And then it's like, next thing you know it's two people. You might as well just have made plans with that one person.
Kate: That is how all book clubs die. That's how all book clubs die.
Doree: Totally. I think that's how one of my poker games is going to die because honestly, I, I've lost my patience with some of these people. It's like you're waiting for them to text back. You offer dates and it's like a couple people respond. Then some people respond three days later. Then it's like, oh, actually I can't do that night. I'm just like, okay, I get it. We're all busy. I'm busy too, but come on. So I've just sort of lost patience.
Kate: I think for the neurodivergent brain. A couple tricks that have helped me is I and I Doree, I don't know if you do this, but I feel like you have something similar where I reserve Thursday. Let's say I've tried to do this. I reserve Thursdays as a hangout day. So in my calendar I'll put, it's a day I keep empty. And if I'm going to meet somebody for lunch, I'm just going to always say I'm free Thursdays from this. If you kind of give yourself dates or the other thing that I do is I always have to put something in my calendar or I forget about, I have to put it in immediately or it's gone. You could pre-schedule. So on Friday, October, whatever, that's a date you're open. Put it in your calendar as open for hangouts.
Doree: Oh, I like that
Kate: Kind of scheduling, empty time So that you're able to visually see it and then offer it to people rather than having to go through the whole rigamarole of finding a time. I don't know, maybe other people have tricks and tips here.
Doree: That's a good tip and trick.
Kate: Thank you. Thank you very much. Whatever you do, don't offer to send a doodle. That is the kiss of death. I did that recently and then I was like, why the fuck did I do this?
Doree: I have a couple friends who send doodles and it's sometimes helpful, but again, not everyone responds. So then it's like, what is the point?
Kate: And then you're chasing people down.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: That's why I think you just have to make the decision of this is the date especially and be the host so you can be like, I'm hosting you this night. If you can come, great.
Doree: That is where I run into trouble because I can't really host at my house.
Kate: Well, and that's making a lot of assumptions that you can host. Not everybody can.
Doree: That's also been frustrating for me because there have been times where I've been like, I just want to do it on this night, but I someone else has to step up to host. And it's like, that's frustrating too. All right, Kate, let's take one more break and come back with some intentions and some conclusions.
Kate: Oh, conclusions.
Doree: Conclusions. I don't know.
Kate: Okay. Well, Doree, look, I've got some intentions for this week.
Doree: Great. I'm excited.
Kate: All right. So look, last week my intention was patience with my kids.
Doree: How'd that go?
Kate: I dunno. Pretty good. I'm trying. It directly correlates to how much sleep I get, I think, and that's what I'm trying to work on this week or just what I'm thinking about. I am sleeping through my alarms.
Doree: Whoa.
Kate: I don't know if it's because I have my period right now. I don't know if it's just because the season's changing, but I am going to bed at the same time. Although I guess my bedtime, I have been letting it creep later and later, but not by much. I truly try to cap it at 11. But I have just been the mornings I can normally I can kind of pop up. I go through cycles. Right now I'm in a sleep through my alarm cycle, so I changed my alarm on my clock to make it a more aggressive alarm. So that did help. This morning
Doree: I have a foolproof alarm and his name is Henry.
Kate: I'm having a hard time at night. My kids are going, my kids are older. So now their bedtimes are later,
Doree: Right? Yes.
Kate: That's getting weirder. They're not going to bed at 6:30 like they did once, which was so luxurious.
Doree: Right? Totally.
Kate: Anyway, how about you?
Doree: Well, Kate, my intention last week was high holidays and I'm actually feeling pretty good about the situation. I have a couple friends who I'm going to go to synagogue with. Another parent in Henry's class reached out about having a picnic on Rosh Hashanah. I have a round cha ready to go that I got at Trader Joes. So I think we're in good shape. I'm feeling less stressed about it than I think I have in the past. And maybe that was also Covid. Oy, I don't know.
Kate: Possibly. Yeah.
Doree: So yeah, so this week I also have a sleep related, the intention and it's, it is just to go to bed earlier because I am getting woken up this morning. I was woken up at 4 45 and it's like, oh boy. And if I'm asleep at 11, that's just not enough sleep for me. So I need to bring it back. So that's, that's what I'm going to work on this week.
Kate: It's really hard.
Doree: It's really hard,
Kate: Having your lights out at 10:00 PM and your eyes closed. That is a feat. I admire people who are there.
Doree: Yeah, I mean, I'm exhausted. All right. Well, Kate, this has been great.
Kate: Okay. But before we go, we want to thank all of our $10 Patreon supporters. We are so extremely grateful for your support. So without further ado, thank you to the following supporters. And once again, I just want to note that please do call me in via text, voicemail, or email if I mispronounce your name. Someone did do that this last month, and I am grateful for the chance to correct myself. Here we go. Amy r Alexandra Den, Alison Cohen, Amanda Sheer. Amy Mako, Andrea Sepulveda, Angie, James, Ann, Tao, tau, Roddo, Becky Hobbs, Haer. Beth, Brianne, Macy, Caroline, cc, Christine Bassis, Coco Bean, Courtney Gwynn, Diana Diane, m Martin, Dr. Josie Alquist. E Jackson. Elizabeth Anderson, Elizabeth Cleary, Elizabeth Holland, Amelia Cola, Emily Bruer, Emily McIntyre, Evelyn Sch, Melin, Fran, Hannah Moss. Heather Kinka. Jane Terio. JDK Del Apte, Jennifer Barrett, Jennifer hss, Jennifer Olson, Jennifer Coleman, Jessica Gale, Julian Beman, Joanna Stone, Josie Sig, Julia Putt, Juliana. Depeche, Juliana Duff, Kara Brugmann, Karen Perelman, Kate M, Catherine, Ellingson, Katie Quattro, Kelly Dearborne, Kelsey Wolf, Dene, Kerry Golds, Kim Beagler, Kirsten, Collins, Krista, Kristen Morris. Laura. Laura. Eddie, Laura, Hadden, Lisa, Travis, Lizette, Liz, rain, Lynette Jones, M, Marissa, Monica, Nick, Nikki, Boser, Pam from Boston. Rachel Anderson, Sarah Egan. Sarah, Sarah Buzzy, Stephanie Germana, Susan, Seth, Tara, Todd, Tiffany, Griffith, Valerie, Bruno, Sue, Lima, Lundy. Again, thank you all so much.
Doree: Let's remind everyone Forever35 is hosted and produced by me, Doree Shafrir, and you, Kate Spencer, produced and edited by Sam Junio. Sami Reed is our project manager, and our network partner is Acast. Thanks everyone for listening. Bye.