Mini-Ep 368: The More You Know (About Butts)
Kate and Doree rage for a listener left out of a work anniversary gift, cheer for folks who talk about butt stuff, and encourage a listener to sleep however is most comfortable, wrinkles be damned!
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Transcript
Kate: Hello friends and welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I am Kate Spencer,
Doree: And I am Doree Shafrir,
Kate: And we are not experts.
Doree: No, we're two friends who like to talk a lot about serums,
Kate: And if you want to reach us, our voicemail number is (781) 591-0390. You can text us there Also, you can also email us at Forever35podcast@gmail.com,
Doree: And this is a mini episode where we hear from you, we share your comments and thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability. But please do remember, we are podcast hosts. We're not experts. We always urge you to seek support first and foremost from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Kate: All true Doree, all true.
Doree: Turns out I do have that memorized.
Kate: You are very impressive.
Doree: Thank you. You can also visit our website Forever35podcast.com for links to everything we mentioned on the show. We are on Instagram @Forever35podcast and join the Forever35 Facebook group at facebook.com/groups/Forever35podcast. The password is serums. We also have a newsletter at Forever35podcast.com/newsletter, and you can shop our favorite products shopmy.us/forever35.
Kate: Okay, and Hot News. We are doing a live show. It is a digital experience happening Wednesday, February 22nd at 5:00 PM Pacific, 8:00 PM Eastern. You can grab tickets. They are $10 a pop at moment.co/Forever35, and if you can't make it live, the show will be available on demand for a week after it airs. So you can still get a ticket and catch the recorded version. There's going to be an after party that you can also buy a ticket for. We are just going to get cozy in the lounge of Doree's Hotel, snuggle up, tell some jokes. It's going to be a blast.
Doree: I cannot wait
Kate: Planning my outfit already. You're only going to be able to see the top half of my body, but it will be good. I promise you. I will make it worth your while. Doree. Can I also just let our New York City area listeners know that I am going to be in New York in person at the Strand Bookstore on Wednesday, February 15th at 7:00 PM I'm going to be in a romance panel.
Doree: That's exciting.
Kate: It's called Wild Thing, the Universal University Universality of Romance. I got to learn how to say that before the panel, the Wild Thing: the Universality of Romance. And
Doree: I will be playing Majong that night.
Kate: I mean, I offended that you're not a cross country trip to see me in this one time appearance in New York City. I am, I feel like this is a test on our friendship, but I'll let it slide. I will say that tickets are available. I'll include the link and apparently these panels do sell out, so if you want to come, I would grab a ticket. I would love to see you there. Please, if you're there, come say hi. Flag your Forever35 ness. I would love to give you a hug.
Doree: Everyone go see Kate.
Kate: Come see me in New York, baby. Hopefully this will go better than my trip to New York last year when I was supposed to do a live event in support of my book. Oh, Doree, I should say, the paperback of In A New York Minute is coming out on February 7th. So if folks want to buy it or pre-order it.
Doree: OMG
Kate: That would be amazing. I would greatly appreciate it
Doree: There is alot happening.
Kate: A lot happening. And the last time I went to New York, I got covid, so I couldn't do the New York event in support of this book. So let's hope this these can 95s work that I'm wearing because I don't want to deal with that. Again. I'm a little superstitious about New York now, New York and Covid.
Doree: Well, I think if you don't go to a Phish show, you'll probably be fine.
Kate: Well, I am going to five Phish shows in April. So
Doree: Are you really?
Kate: Look out, oh yes, Doree
Doree: Five?
Kate: I'm going to, yes, Doree five. Phish is going on a short West coast spring tour and I'm seeing five out of the eight shows.
Doree: Wow. Okay.
Kate: Don't ever question my love for the band.
Doree: Trust me. It is have never, I've never questioned.
Kate: I know you. I know. Yeah, I listen, if you're heading to Phish shows in Seattle or Los Angeles, I will be there and I would love to meet you as well. So look, I won't be doing any sort of official book thing, but I will be my true dorky Phish self at those shows.
Doree: Okay, you heard it here first, everybody
Kate: Breaking news. We got a great email that I wanted to just hop right to. This is the kind of email that when we get it, Doree then forwards it to me with a short note of like, I love this question and we got it. And I was like, we have got to answer this. I find this question fascinating. I could can think about it like 50 different ways. Should we dig into it?
Doree: Let's get into it, Kate.
Kate: Okay. It's a longer email. This person writes to us. I work for a largest, largest company, 850 employees and have been here for 15 years as of last October. My company always makes a big to-do about employee anniversaries for 5, 10, 20, 25 years, et cetera. They used to recognize 15 years with a cash bonus and recognition at our monthly staff meeting, but about five years ago they did away with the 15 year recognition for some reason. So when I hit the 15 year mark this past October, I got nothing. Oh, well, that's just the deal. I wasn't bothered. Well, at our staff meeting today, they announced they're bringing it back and employees here for 15 years from now on will get a $350 cash bonus and recognition for their contributions at a staff meeting. I'm shocked they're not retroactively going back and crediting those of us in the window of employees between then and now. Who didn't get the bonus? Yes, I asked. It just seems like a no-brainer that it's the right thing to do, isn't it? Here's what our HR director told me. We are adding the 15 year recognition for employees going forward this year. Unfortunately, we will not be providing any retroactive cash awards. The one thing we can do upon request is provide a 15 year service tile you can add to your plaque we gave you at 10 years. Please let me know if you'd like to order one. Thank you. Our company has grown tremendously in the past five years. When I started, I think we had less than 300 employees, and I honestly can't think of more than 15 of us who are being left out of this cash incentive. It just feels wrong to other people who started the same year as me, have also reached out to me and they're upset, which is probably getting me even more worked up. And not only are we not getting any cash incentive, but we're also not getting any recognition for our service at staff meeting. I should also add that in the past two years I've received very significant raises and do not want to appear ungrateful for all my company has done for me $350 in the grand scheme of things really isn't much, but at the same time, I'm a single mom trying to make ends meet and $350 is not chump change to me. Maybe it's just the principle of the whole thing that is making me rage a teeny tiny bit inside. My sister-in-law says I'm being petty and I should be grateful for all the raises I've gotten recently. My coworkers in the same boat as me are encouraging me to push back and ask HR to reconsider retroactive payments. They say they will too. And the more of us who do, the better chance we get of actually enacting change. Should I shoot this up the ladder or am I being petty? I've never complained about a single thing to hr and I'm a valued and trusted employee. I just feel jolted. And I know the timing is ironic because I have recently received some very big raises, but one, I was underpaid for several years for the work I do, and two, our state has increased minimum wages and our costs of living have gone up significantly recently. I always appreciate both of your points of view, so please tell me what would Kate and Doree do?
Doree: This is bullshit.
Kate: I am so enraged on this listener's behalf. You and I are on the same side right here. This is such corporate bullshit.
Doree: Yes,
Kate: They can pay the 15 of you.
Doree: We're talking, like you said, $350 to this company is not even a rounding error. It's basically nothing to them. And it's something that could be, like you said, not chump change to their employees. The thing that floors me about this is the amount of resentment and ill will that they're going to engender among people like this employee who until this point have been pretty happy at work to me, feels not worth the $350 pay. That is a small price to pay. Pay the $350. You're now going to have 15 people who have been there for 15 years really bitter because you decided to be cheap and not pay them each $350. I'm just like, I'm floored by this from so many different perspectives that it's blowing my mind right now
Kate: And I think you're not petty at all. Listener. And I want to say something I don't think we should. Okay, let me think how I want to phrase this. Look, we have been so conditioned by the system that we are in to feel like we have to be grateful for raises when truly it's the fucking bare minimum. And again, speaking as an American where corporations, our whole system is so fucked with what companies do and don't have to provide, being paid your value and being paid for the time and the work that you do should be a human right, and your in your salary should increase based on cost of living. And this is all. So when we're like, oh, well we, your sister-in-law is saying you should just be grateful for your raises. Fuck that. You have value. Now, I know this is easier said than done and this is just me raging against the systems here. But don't get sucked into that narrative. Don't... trust your gut on this one because it is a slight, and honestly, it's laziness on behalf of this company that they can't pay this out to folks who have been working for them for a decade and a half and then offer you a tile to put on a plaque. I know you can't buy food with a fucking tile.
Doree: I know. That is so insulting.
Kate: It's really honestly insulting. And this is the kind of thing that would drive me to quit this job if I could. Like I get so enraged by these kinds of stupid things. Stupid meaning it's stupid on the company's thinking, not you, not like this makes me burn inside.
Doree: So moral of the story I think you can push this up the chain
Kate: And go for it, cause a stink
Doree: And push back
Kate: And make the points that you made, make the points that you made here in a more corporatey way. Not for podcasters, but these are valid points. You're totally right, totally right.
Doree: You're totally right.
Kate: All right. I think we need an ad break just so I can cool off because I am heated.
Doree: You are heated. All right.
Kate: I'm pissed off.
Doree: Let's take a break. Alright, we're back. We got a text. I just had my first colonoscopy yesterday as I reached that magical age of 45. I wanted to send this as a reminder to do this important scan if you are able to, I know not everyone has access to care and the ability to miss work, but if you can please get checked. The prep sucked big time, but the peace of mind is worth a lot. And the good news is if you're clear, it's another decade before you have to go again. So, okay, this was a timely text because I need to do this. I've been putting it off, but I need to do this, but I was heartened by a tweet I saw the other day, which informed me that there is now a pill you can take instead of the drink to prep for your colonoscopy.
Kate: I'm I've heard that. Yes.
Doree: And I guess from what people on Twitter were saying, not every doctor will suggest it, and sometimes insurance doesn't cover the whole thing, but there's like coupons. It's called SUtab and yeah, just ask your doctor about it. And it has a slightly higher success rate in terms of cleaning out your bowels than the traditional drink.
Kate: And you haven't made a colonoscopy appointment yet, but you are going to. Yeah.
Doree: Yes. That is my plan.
Kate: I love that. I love that for you. I love that for all of us. Check in with your doctors about getting a colonoscopy when they want you to do it, because this is a very important life-saving procedure. Yeah, I don't fuck around with those cancers. Let's do it baby. Let's get in there. Get that camera in there.
Doree: Oh boy.
Kate: We have another voicemail that connects to this, connects to this, and then we'll also connect to our next email. So let's play that voicemail.
Voicemail: Hey ladies, I'm calling about butt care. It's Molly from Minnesota. So someone just called in again about talking about embarrassing hemorrhoids, and I just want to say that I have learned in the last few months that most people have hemorrhoids, almost everyone. And I was having some bleeding from my butt for the last year that I thought was hemorrhoids. I brought it with my doctor. She was like, oh, she's no big deal. Let's just wait it out. And it just didn't really stop. So when I went in for my annual exam again, she was like, well, this is still going on. Maybe you need to see a specialist, a hemorrhoid specialist. Oh yeah, this is super, everything looks normal. So I had hehemorrhoids, but she, she's like, it doesn't explain the bleeding. So then they got me in for a colonoscopy and I had it right before New Year's, and they found a giant pre-cancerous polyp and I am 40 so if I'd waited till 45, who knows what that could have been. So I just want to say, let's talk about hemorrhoids, let's talk about butt stuff, because I was so embarrassed to go to the doctor or even really talk about my butt stuff with friends or with anybody, even my husband. It was just so shameful. And now all of a sudden, because I found I sucked it up and went in and swollowed my pride, I probably saved my life. So yeah, let's talk about our butts. You've got some weird butt bleeding. Go to your doctor, it's fine. It's literally what they talk about all day every day. It's cool, and helps us help someone, even if it's never played on the podcast, maybe it'll help Kat or Dor. Ok, thanks. Bye.
Kate: It did help me.
Doree: Wow.
Kate: Good message. Right? Very important.
Doree: Yeah. Wow. I'm glad that you, I'm addressing the listener now. I'm glad that you continued to push for answers.
Kate: Yeah, me too. I think that's a way to advocate for yourself. Yeah, and I appreciate you sharing this because the more we talk about our butts, you're like, you're right. It can honestly save lives.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: So I appreciate it. Doree, would you like to read this final email for this butt section of the episode?
Doree: Kate. I would like nothing more. Greetings, Kate and Doree listening to the recent mini ep and the reference to hemorrhoids, which have been an unfortunate recurrent issues since my third trimester of pregnancy with my second child who was born in 2020, I carry to work every day in my tote bag, a Ziploc bag labeled shit kit, which has preparationH cream, a bottle of which hazel cotton rounds and my prescription procta zone cream that my OBGYN writes and refills for me. Unfortunately, I never know when things will get bad and being prepared keeps my butt under control. I also have two donut pillows, one that's kept at work and one for home for when my rhoid rage flares. I've carried the pillow around the office to meetings. I had to do this within my first three months at a new job last year. I think my shit kit would be a great amenity to offer at Doree's Hotel. And lastly, for anyone whose health insurance denies covering suppositories like mine, ask your MD to write the prescription for cream and apply it with a cotton round or toilet paper. It works just as well. I hope this information helps. Anyone else suffering
Kate: You know who you also helped? Listener, the other folks in your office who saw you walking around with a donut pillow? Honestly, I mean this sincerely, I'm not making a joke because this is the kind of shit that we have been taught is too embarrassing to do in public. So instead we quietly suffer through pain and discomfort. And truly, I think just by being, it's not wearing a sign that says I've got a hemorrhoid, but just creating a space in which you show that you're comfortable to do that and signal that others can be comfortable in your presence to sit on a donut pill. It helps change the environment and the atmosphere. It really does. Donut pillows at work for all. This makes me think I need a donut pillow. Honestly.
Doree: You might need a donut pillow.
Kate: I've had them before and I haven't had one in a while. Now I'm kind of like, Hmm, that could be fun. Maybe I need a donut pillow again.
Doree: Yeah,
Kate: I'll think about it.
Doree: Why not?
Kate: Think about it, why not? help my butt?
Doree: Well, Kate, let's take a break.
Kate: Okay. Okay. I'm very curious where you're going to land on this Doree. Here's a text we got. Important debate among my group of friends, hone in or home in on, inspired by Kate's recent reference to flushing out something when writing, which was also part of the debate my friends and I had personally. I've always been on team hone, H O N E, even though I've now been educated that I'm saying it quote wrong now.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: Okay, go ahead, Doree. You go ahead.
Doree: I look this up. And according to prowritingaid.com, home in means to locate and move towards something and hone in means to focus on something.
Kate: So they're both right.
Doree: Examples of sentences using home in include my dog quickly homed in on the squirrel in the tree. The missile used radio signals to home in on the military target. So
Kate: Now wait, what's an example of hone? Hone is focus, like mental focus.
Doree: You'll need, you'll need to hone in on a few more skills if you want to win the competition. Researchers are working to hone in on the cause of the disease.
Kate: The
Doree: Hone uses a F,
Kate: Sorry.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: So at the buffet table I homed in on the hot dogs
Doree: You did, yes.
Kate: But in reading the book, I honed in on the narrator's voice.
Doree: Yes. Or the themes of the book.
Kate: Okay. Okay. So hone is more of a cerebral experience.
Doree: Yes. I would say that that is accurate. Now wait, they say that hone, just to confuse things a little bit more, they write, hone in is now seen as an alternative to home in, although language enthusiasts are not so quick to accept it. So if you are around any English language lovers, you may want to refrain from using it. Sounds to me like this person's friends are some English language lovers. And then they also say, if you're not sure whether to use hone in versus home in, you can avoid them all together by writing zero in. He raised the binoculars and zeroed in on an 11th floor room.
Kate: I also think language is fluid and influenced by the ways in which we use it. And sometimes the hangups about how the English language is spoken or used often come with a lot of classism or racism lurking underneath.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: Well, let's answer this one last text question. This person wrote to us question for the pod. I'm trying to train myself to sleep on my back to prevent wrinkles, but every time I sleep on my back, I end up getting sleep paralysis and end up moving to sleep on my side within the first 30 minutes. I know sleep paralysis is stress-induced and so I'm managing stress through different ways. Therapy, meditation, calm sleep, stories for bedtime, variety of other ways. Is this something you guys have dealt with or am I doomed to be a side sleeper? Forever. Okay. I've never dealt with sleep paralysis. Doree, you have a lot of sleep stuff, but is this something that you've dealt with?
Doree: It's never been no. I've not dealt with sleep paralysis, but I cannot recommend enough for you to do a sleep study.
Kate: Oh, good call. Very good call
Doree: Because there might be something else going on. There might be something else you can do, but it's a good thing to consult with a professional about.
Kate: Yeah, and I would just also add like it, wrinkles will, y'all, we're all going to get wrinkles. It's better to have good sleep than to worry about wrinkles from side sleeping.
Doree: Yeah,
Kate: Don't worry about it. If you're not a backs sleeper, that's just fine. Even folks who sleep on their backs are going to get wrinkles. And you know what, maybe we are all going to learn to love our wrinkles at some point.
Doree: Totally. I pretty much sleep on my side. I just find it more comfortable and cozy. And that's it, is what it is,
Kate: Yeah, I start on my back and then I move to my side. That's kind of how I roll. Good luck. Doree's advice by sleep study is the way to go. For sure. Good call. Doree.
Doree: Thank you. Thank you so much.
Kate: All righty, Kate.
Doree: It's been fun chatting with you. Let's talk to you soon.
Kate: All right, audios.
Doree: Bye.