Mini-Ep 361: Tootle-Oot On Over To 2023
Kate and Doree ring in the New Year hearing from listeners about more of their best drugstore recs and dealing with diet culture related gifts.
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Transcript
Kate: Hello and welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I am Kate Spencer.
Doree: And I am Doree Shafrir.
Kate: And we are not experts.
Doree: No. But we are two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.
Kate: And this is a mini episode where we hear from you, we share your comments on your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability
Doree: Indeed. But please do remember, we are podcast hosts. We're not experts, and we always encourage you to seek support first and foremost from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Kate: And of course, if you would like to reach us, which we hope you would like to do, you can leave us a voicemail or a text message at (781) 591-0390, or you can also email us or send us a voice memo at Forever35podcast@gmail.com.
Doree: Visit our website Forever35podcast.com for links to everything we mentioned on the show. If you want our special pics you can follow, you can check out shopmy.us/Forever35 or on Instagram @Forever35podcast, and you can join the Forever35 Facebook group at facebook.com/groups/forever35podcast. And of course, we also have a newsletter forever35podcast.com/newsletter.
Kate: Well everybody happy 2023.
Doree: Wow.
Kate: We're here. We're here. I thought to myself recently, Doree, I remember not a single thing from the year 2021, not a single thing. That year is a fucking blur.
Doree: 2021. Interesting. 2021. Yeah, I don't remember anything either.
Kate: A whole year went by. I think that the big things I remember are at some point my kids did a couple weeks of hybrid in-person school cohorts. I got vaccinated with the Covid vaccine and I think that's when Joe Biden became president.
Doree: Yes. He came president in January 2021
Kate: Okay. I don't even.
Doree: But your kids went back to school full-time, right? In September?
Kate: September, September. No, no, wait, hold on.
Doree: September of 2021. Yeah, they did.
Kate: They did. That was when, yes. So in that spring we homeschooled Zoom school for 2020 into 2021 and then they had four weeks of going for an hour every two days. And then I guess I visited my dad that summer. I don't know, I just had this moment recently where I was like,
Doree: Oh yeah, you were gone for six weeks.
Kate: Yeah, your book came out in 2021.
Doree: My book came out
Kate: Well, just piecing it together
Doree: Enough about 2021
Kate: Sorry. I know it was like two years ago now, but the time has just been such a blur that I was standing on the precipice of this new year and I was like, I don't even remember what the fuck has happened in the last few years. How can I even begin to tackle this new one?
Doree: I mean, I hear that the pandemic has kind of flattened time in a very weird way.
Kate: Are you doing anything to kind of kick off 2023?
Doree: Well, I do feel like I'm due for a taking stock or making stock.
Kate: Oh, like a chicken stock.
Doree: A pot of chicken stock.
Kate: I love that idea.
Doree: Or buying stocks.
Kate: Now youre just. I mean, you could buy some stocks. There's nothing wrong with that either.
Doree: The word stock. The word stuck has a lot of meanings. No, but in all seriousness, I do feel like I need to wanna take stock of my life and where I'm at. I'm feeling called to do that.
Kate: I totally get that. I mean, I think that's a natural feeling, not just because it's the new calendar year, but just that shift in winter, that kind of solstice shift. I think there is something that kind of grounds you and then sets you off on new this feeling of, I'm ready for a new course, I'm ready to traverse something new, whatever that is.
Doree: Yes. Well, I don't know. How are you feeling, Kate?
Kate: Well, other than feeling in a blur, I'm going to be doing yoga with Adrian's 30 day yoga journey that she does every January. If you wanna do it with me was, I'm putting it out here to the pod community. Cuz I was just going to say, if anyone wants to kind of do it together I'd love to have some partners. I'm doing it, a bunch of my college girlfriends and I are signing up together. I've never done it. I have a lot of friends who have done this 30 day January yoga offering that she has every year. And I've been practicing yoga daily recently. So I feel kind of ready to try to commit to doing it. And I, I'm, so I'm looking forward to that. And I'll include a link because the yoga, it's not too late to sign up. She starts the yoga on January 2nd and I guess I'm assuming you can probably kind of start whenever you damn well please. But sure. Yeah, if you wanna join me in that, that's what I'm doing this month.
Doree: Yeah. That's exciting. Wow.
Kate: We'll see, I'm also giving myself space to know that I might stop doing it on January 3rd. And that's just life.
Doree: That is just life.
Kate: It's just life. Well, we're happy to be here. We'd love to hear how you all are welcoming the new year or if you reject all the kind of prescribed traditions that we often practice in the new year, maybe that's not your thing. How do you tackle this time? What is January for you?
Doree: Let us know.
Kate: Also, hello to all the Capricorns out there. This is a big month for you. We see you. We honor you in your stable ways. I love my Capricorn friends. Always planning.
Doree: I don't have a ton of Capricorn friends, I don't think,
Kate: Oh, Doree, you're missing out. Capricorns are the best. We need to get you a Capricorn friend. Yeah. I love a Capricorn. I gotta say they're super intense, but they're the friend who plans the trip and does the Excel doc spreadsheet with all the expenses and make sure everybody pays each other. Thinking specifically of my friend Lizzie. But I've got, my friend Jessica's a Capricorn, I had a lot of caps floating around out there. I like a Capricorn. I don't know what it is. Energetically I'm drawn to them.
Doree: Wow. Okay.
Kate: Yeah.
Doree: All right.
Kate: And I think you would get along with a Capricorn. I feel like you have Tauruses and Capricorns of similar kind of grounding energy.
Doree: Yeah, I hear that.
Kate: Well, should we hear from some listeners here in the new year?
Doree: Yeah, let's do that.
Kate: Okay. We received this email, which I like. I like this p o v. This listener wrote twist and they said, I was thinking about eating food in the bathtub episode. We talked about this a lot earlier or later in 2022. So things while in the bath, I don't normally have the attention span to do a manicure. And I realized while bathing a bath is a great place to spend that time with your nails and cuticles, I'm not sure food will ever need to join, but this might be another thing we can do in baths. Also for the in shower lotions, I have a large pump lotion that I leave in my shower alba and I lather after ps. Apologies for those that don't have baths and or are too tall. I mean, I love this blanket apology for like this. I know you were not responsible, but I appreciate you, your empathy. I don't think I would've the patience for a bath manicure.
Doree: Yeah, I don't think I would either, but I don't know. Maybe I would.
Kate: Okay, here's I'll read this text, Kate, today I managed to use tootle-oot on over in a work email that went out to all 70 ish of my coworkers and it made me so happy. I just had to share. I hope you Doree and your families have a wonderful holiday season.
Doree: Aww, I love that.
Kate: In what context was this used in a work email?
Doree: Great question.
Kate: Tootle-oot on over to the work offsite or I just tootle-ooted on over to Joanna's desk and I looked at the year's report. How was this used? What do you do, also?
Doree: Excellent question Kate.
Kate: Was this at a law firm? Was this at a school? Was this at McDonald's? Like who are we addressing with Tootle-oot?
Doree: Also, those are also great questions.
Kate: Like hearing another person use that word is making me feel like we should never say that word again.
Doree: Wait, really?
Kate: It sounds so ridiculous. Tootle-oot?
Doree: Yes, it is ridiculous, Kate. It is.
Kate: Well, I love this. Thank you listener. This is so delightful.
Doree: Oh boy. Well, Kate, we are going to take a break and when we come back from the break, we have more drugstore recs, but we also got some fancy soap recs, which I'm excited to share.
Kate: Well, one of the fancy soap recs we got is the fan I had mentioned that I had used to buy this fancy soap and this people figured out helped me figure out which one it was. So I'm very excited to get back into the fancy soap world.
Doree: All right, let's take a break and we'll be right back.
Kate: Well, we are B.
Doree: We we're B. Alright, here we go.
Voicemail: Hey there. Just wanted to give a quick drugstore rec for the Ponds Dry Skin Cream facial moisturizer. I got a target for like, I wanna say like $5. And up until this point, my skin has been flaky, dry. I'm in Colorado. It's just so dry here. I've been using it and I have no problems. I'm glowing and it may be full of crap, but my stepmom has used it for like, 25 years and she does beautiful skin. She just turned 60 so I believe in it. I think its a staple. I think it smells good and it just is so smooth. Kate, give it a try. Give it a try. Bye. I love you.
Doree: Give it a try, Kate.
Kate: Okay, so I think I have tried this actually, listener, and if I recall correctly, what I did not like about this product was the fragrance. I'm looking online right now just to get some clarification to see if this does have fragrance and I'm not seeing any answer one way or another, which leads me to believe that it probably does have fragrance. So I think that was what I did not like. So I would be curious if you wanna let me know. I'm also now looking at pond's advanced hydrating night cream with a curious eye. But again, I'm not, the fragrance really turned me off. And I think that's saying a lot because as we've established, I like a fragrance. So if you find me the un-fragranced version, I will give it a try for sure. How about that?
Doree: Okay.
Kate: Okay.
Doree: You heard it here first everyone.
Kate: All right, PONDs, call me baby.
Doree: All right. Here is a very comprehensive drugstore rec email. So this listener wrote, hi, Kate and Doree. Loved the drugstore makeup episode. Drugstore makeup has been making me happy since seventh grade over 30 years ago, and it's awesome to see companies continuing to improve their formulations. Here are some of my drugstores, skincare faves, CeraVe in the tub moisturizer. This is good for all over body moisturizing. I will also wear it on my face in the winter. CeraVe pm face lotion great for moisturizing my face in the summer because it's nice and light. CeraVe hydrating face wash. This is really simple and non irritating, but still really cleanses your face. CeraVe tinted sunscreen gives a great glowy finish, however may be best for light to mediums toned skin. La Roche Posay Toleriane gentle facial cleanser, similar to CeraVe. Curel hydrotherapy in shower moisturizer mentioned previously on the pod. This is great, both me and my partner love it. And he has very sensitive skin. Dove bar soap unscented love this for in the shower with a washcloth. Aveeno daily moisturizing lotion. Use this for my hands, keep it by the sink to moisturize my hands after washing. Aquaphor healing ointment in tube use on my lips. Large nail file for feet. I have very dry cracking skin on my feet. Nail files like this are the only things that can smooth them down without pain. And then this listener linked to some nail files that they like, which we'll link to as well. Ooh, yeah, these look good. They're, they link to the trim heavy and medium duty black salon boards.
Kate: Ooh, we're talking like some real heavy duty. Get that skin down kind of thing. Like buffer pumice-y vibe, right? Sandpaper it away.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: Now I'm looking it up. Oh yeah. Oh, these are a classic.
Doree: I love all these. Yea, classic.
Kate: I love this nail brand trim. This is what I always buy. Yeah. Oh, great.
Doree: Totally, totally.
Kate: These are excellent and you know, La Roche Posay. I gotta get in there a little bit more and try some of their stuff.
Doree: Kate, do you want to take us into fancy soap land?
Kate: Okay, so everybody buckle up. We're going into Fancy Soap land and I was so excited because I had mentioned that I used to buy myself a fancy soap and I couldn't remember what it was. And a few listeners were like, Hey, is it this? And the answer is yes. And this listener has the name brand. Hello, Doree and Kate Writing in with a Fancy Soap recommendation. After a recent mini episode, I discovered Claus Porto on a trip to Portugal this year. I love the Deco Ensens Eucalyptus bar soap. The scent is strong and refreshing. Write up your alley Kate. And the packaging is gorgeous. I find that it lasts longer than typical bar soaps and holds its solid shape after multiple washes. $21 is an insane amount of money to spend on a bar of soap when you can just get Dr. Bronner's for four bucks. But I'm never going back. On top of the quality of the product, I get a little indulgent reminder of my vacation every time I shower. Claus also carries candles, hand cream, body wash, diffusers, et cetera in all of their scents and very cute gift boxes. This is the soap I used to buy.
Doree: Wow.
Kate: I'm so excited. I'm so excited. And I believe it is just their most, it's called Soap on a Rope, the signature Bonho soap. I believe this is their base. Not basic, but maybe original smell. But I loved the soap and everything the listeners said was true. It lasted forever. It kept its shape. The scent was gorgeous, and I think it was a time in my life where I needed, or I was craving some sort of indulgence, a moment of pleasure. And I remember specifically the sensation I got just from the beauty of the packaging and the actual beauty of the product and the scent and oh, I'm so excited. I am definitely going to be buying one. So very excited, great recommendation. And yes, $21 is a big amount to spend on a bar soap, but if that bar of soap is your joy, go for it.
Doree: Go for it. Kate has given you permission to go for it.
Kate: I will also say a little soap note. My daughter had lice and we had a professional lice hair comer come on over to our house to check her head, and he also makes soaps. And so then he had to come back a second time and he brought me, wow me, two of his soaps. We were talking about his soaps and how luxurious his soaps were, and he brought me two of them. So I'm excited to try out his soaps.
Doree: That's fun.
Kate: I know. It was so sweet. I was so touched that he remembered we had talked about it, and I'm excited. Soap is such a simple pleasure, but it can be so nice.
Doree: That's so true.
Kate: Have you tried this next soap recommendation before Doree
Doree: Kate. I have not. I've tried other products from this brand, but I've not tried this particular product.
Kate: So here's what another listener said. Hi exclamation point, listening to mini epp 357. And I wanted to suggest Aesup's Body Slab as a fancy bar soap. It's pricey obvs, but not as expensive as their body wash. And it's huge for a bar of soap. Lasts a while and smells fab. I cut it in half for ease of lathering. I had the same reaction. I have never owned an Aesup product. I have only used it in the bathroom of bathrooms of other establishments. Is it as good as it claims to be?
Doree: I mean, I really like their products. I feel like I'm very sensitive to scent, as I've said a thousand times. And I feel like their scents are very nice. And so that might be partly why I like their stuff. Their stuff is expensive, quite expensive so I don't know. It feels special. I like their stuff.
Kate: All right. I'm interested in the slab.
Doree: Kate is interested in the slab, everybody.
Kate: Well, you know what this also means though, is that we need to discuss soap dishes and not the movie, but
Doree: Although I'm always here to discuss the movie.
Kate: I was going to say, we could also do a special episode just on the movie, but this is the one problem with bar soap, is that the pool of water that it often lives in. At my dad's house, he always has an old bar of soap sitting in just lukewarm water always. I don't know about this.
Doree: Yeah, not great.
Kate: Yeah. So just something to think about there. Tell me what soap dish to buy.
Doree: Just something to think about over here.
Kate: All right, we have one more.
Doree: Oh, we do? Do you want me to share it?
Kate: Yeah, Go for it. Go for it, Doree.
Doree: Alright. Hi, Kat and Dor. I'm writing in to share my favorite body wash. It is Beekman 1802s goat milk bar soap. The bar is a good size nine ounces, and it lathers up well, there are quite a few scent options, including fragrance free, but I prefer the honey in Orange Blossom. That sounds lovely.
Kate: This looks nice. They also have a very beautiful little gift soap option. Okay. Okay. Beekman 1802. Isn't this the couple that lives on the farm?
Doree: I don't know.
Kate: Am I crazy?
Doree: Is it? I feel I've never heard of this brand.
Kate: Oh, you haven't? I've tried their skin. I've tried their face mist. I think a friend sent me one of the Beekman face mists.
Doree: Ooh.
Kate: I might be wrong. I might be wrong, but I feel like it's a couple. And they lived on a farm and then they started. Yes, I think this is right.
Doree: Oh, cool. Cool.
Kate: They started raising goats. I could be wrong.
Doree: That's cool.
Kate: I could be making up a story. No, no. Here it is. Yeah, here they are. It's two nice little gentlemen with some goats. Yeah, okay. I think I might be right. Anyway, intrigued as usual. All right. Give me some of the goat milk soap.
Doree: Oh,
Kate: I'm into it. All right, Doree, shall we take another break?
Doree: Let's do that. I would also like to solicit more soap ideas on our Instagram, so we'll hopefully do that.
Kate: Is 2023 the year of the soap?
Doree: Maybe
Kate: Like the bar? We're going back to the bar.
Doree: Maybe We're going to the bar. Alright, we're going to take a break and we'll be right back. Okay, we are back. This section is going to contain some discussion of diet culture just as a heads up. So
Kate: Thank you for that.
Doree: Let's hear. Sorry what?
Kate: I said. Thank you for that. I appreciate that.
Doree: Oh, you're very welcome. Let's hear a voicemail.
Voicemail: Hey Kat and Dor. I just listened to the mini episode where someone called in about having friends her friend and her friend's husband who talk a lot about weight and food and size and diet culture things. And I think this is super common. I bet most listeners have had to deal with this in some fashion and I just wanted to say what worked for me. I have a friend who does the same, wanted to talk a lot about how well their diet worked for them, et cetera, et cetera. And I just pulled them aside and said we're all on our own journey. I am glad this is what's currently working for you, but I have a history of disordered eating and I don't wanna hear about your diet and I don't wanna hear about your size, and I don't wanna hear about your weight or what foods you are or aren't eating. And that is just for me. And so I just wanted to let you know about my history and the things I'm working through with my mental health and why it is very, very hard for me to hear that. And I think the why and the connection to disordered eating, I had an eating disorder really put it in perspective for them that they were causing direct harm with their kind of offhanded comments that they weren't thinking about, and it really made them think harder about it. So I would suggest that I think, most Americans have disordered eating, whether or not it was clinically diagnosed as a eating disorder, but for me it was an eating disorder. So anyways, I thought that Reframe really helped my relationship with my friend and maybe it'll help other listeners too. Thanks so much. Love the pod.
Doree: I love this so much.
Kate: Yeah, I mean, it requires some heavy lifting. I think the thought of having to make that request of a, that scares me to be very honest, to be like, you know what? Actually I feel this way that makes me nervous just thinking about it. But I also think getting into the practice of having those honest conversations is really important.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: I would be very totally curious to try this and see how it goes.
Doree: Yeah, for sure. Okay, Kate, we have one other voicemail
Kate: I am ready
Doree: That we're going to have to really kind of sink our teeth into.
Kate: Oh boy. Okay.
Voicemail: Hi Kat and Dor. This is Lauren calling from beautiful Philadelphia where I just received two early holiday gifts from my future mother-in-law. They're both at home exercise equipment, one is a exercise bike and the other is a stair stepper. And I don't know what to think. On the one hand, it's a gift. I don't think she meant any malice, but on the other hand, this seems really passive aggressive considering my fiance and I have not mentioned to her that we particularly like working out at home or biking. She has intimated in the past, especially to my fiance, her son, that he is lazy and he needs to exercise more. And she said things a little more subtly to me but this feels number one hurtful. And number two, she doesn't even know us. We both like to exercise, but we're not huge bike aficionados. So at least get us exercise equipment that we might actually like or use. How do we set boundaries in a situation like this where there's a gift that's been given that's not really a gift, would love your thoughts or hear from your listeners. Thank you so much for the pod. Love you guys so much. Bye.
Doree: Is that a doozy or what?
Kate: Oh, goodness gracious. This is so hard. This is so hard. Yeah, that's a doozy Doree. I mean, just in a practical matter, an exercise bike. Yeah. It's like where does that even go? Oh, where do you, what?
Doree: How presumptuous of this mother-in-law setting aside all of the fucked up kind of fat phobia that I'm detecting on her part, but just the practical aspect of like, where are you supposed to put this and what if you don't really want this in your house? What if you were saving that space for an armchair?
Kate: Yeah, that really floors me. I mean, again, overlooking all the other stuff about this that I feel like you, I think this listener's reaction is completely appropriate. And I guess in the setting of boundaries, I think it kind of depends on what the relationship is between you and this mother-in-law and your partner and this mother-in-law, and how you want to go about creating a sustainable relationship with them. This is a person who presumably is going to be in your life for a while. And obviously in your spouse's life you could just take those gifts and turn around and sell them or give them away. But then there's the question of, well, what happens next time? And also, do we want to speak up and say, this actually is not, This is so tricky because then on the other hand, it's like, what is she implying? Is she just implying exercise is great and here you go? Or is there underlying messages, which I think are attached to some fat phobia per this listener's perspective? I mean, this is just all so layers and layers and layers.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: I think I, you know, can say thank you. We so appreciate you, your generosity. We're not able, this isn't a fit for us. But if you don't want these gifts back, we're going to share them with people who we really think will enjoy them. If you wanna get rid of them or just don't tell her. And then I think in the future, I think you can just, perhaps there's a way for you to guide the gift giving conversation of this year we would really like dot, dot, dot. Or this year we are not accepting gifts and we would love, if you want to do something for us, please donate to this organization. Or here is our wishlist, please just click and buy. Now that person may not do that. I mean, am I anywhere near somewhere? Doree? Is any of this resonating? What do you think over there?
Doree: Yeah, it is resonating. I feel like the listener is in a tricky position because it's not their mother. It sounds like perhaps your fiance has never set that boundary and so your mother, future mother-in-law thinks that this is acceptable behavior. The other thing I will say, and Kate, I know this is something that you and I talk about a lot, is our parents' generation has not wrestled with their fat phobia. And I do not, I'm not confident that they ever will. I just feel like for many of them, I don't wanna speak for everyone, but in my experience, most of them have so much internalized fat phobia that they don't even realize. And that's how they raised us. And fortunately, we are now in a position where we can say, well, wait a second, this is messed up. This is not how I wanna think about my body or other people's bodies. And we are kind of breaking that cycle. I don't wanna say it's, I don't wanna say it's too late because I don't actually think it's too late, but I think that there's only so far that our kind of education of them can go. And I see this happening a lot when people have children that in some ways it's almost easier to set the boundaries with kids. You can say, we don't talk about weight or bodies in our house, or something like that. And that just kind of sets the tone. And I do think it's a little harder when it's not kids involved for some reason. I dunno. But I do think that this is a conversation that your partner needs to have with his mom, even though it's going to be hard and yeah, she will probably get defensive.
Kate: Yeah. This is a tough one. Anyone has any thoughts? Let us know
Doree: If listeners have thoughts or have, yeah, if listeners have thoughts or you've experienced something like this, let us know how you navigated it,
Kate: Please. Yeah. It's also so tricky when anything comes wrapped in generosity. You know what I mean? But I'm giving you
Doree: Totally.
Kate: Or anything when harm is dished out under the guise of generosity or kindness and you're just like, I don't that I don't know. How do I do this? Yeah. It's just really stuck between a rock and an exercise bike. Specifically this one.
Doree: Oh gosh.
Kate: Oh my goodness. Well, Doree, I'm happy to be here.
Doree: Yes, Kate, likewise.
Kate: At the start of 2023 with you and all our listeners. And yes, happy New Year.
Doree: Happy New Year. Take care, everyone.