Mini-Ep 355: The White Elephant In The Room
Kate’s back from her cruise and Doree is ready to hear all about it. Then, listeners call in from the bathroom at Thanksgiving, share alternatives to mass gift-giving, and are grateful for chats about post-covid menstruation.
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Transcript
Kate: Hello. Welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I am Kate Spencer,
Doree: And I am Doree Shafrir.
Kate: And together we are not experts.
Doree: We're not, but we're two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.
Kate: And this is a mini episode where we hear from you, we share your comments and your thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability.
Doree: It's true, but please do remember, we are podcast hosts. We're not experts. We always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Kate: What a good idea. If you wanna reach us, our voicemail and text number is 7 8 1 5 9 1 0 3 9 0. You can also email us at Forever35podcast@gmail.com.
Doree: Visit our website Forever35podcast.com for links to everything we mentioned on the show. Follow us on Instagram @Forever35podcast and join the Forever35 Facebook group at facebook.com/groups/forever35podcast. We have a newsletter at Forever35podcast.com/newsletter. And you can also shop our fave recommended prods at shopmy.us/forever35. Now, we are recording this Monday after Thanksgiving
Kate: Cyber Monday
Doree: When one Kate, Horse, Spencer
Kate: Nay
Doree: Has just returned from her cruise.
Kate: I did it. I went on a cruise. I did it. I did it. It was great. As previously mentioned, this was a cruise intended to celebrate my father-in-law's 80th birthday that we were going to go on in May, 2020. And obviously we did not go on that cruise then. There were no cruises but family had a discussion and we decided to try to do it and we did it.
Doree: Okay, now Kate, I have a very important question that you and I have not actually discussed in our pre-show.
Kate: I'm so excited
Doree: Chat sesh
Kate: which by the way, we signed on to record this podcast. It's like 30 minutes ago. And then we just chatted.
Doree: Look, we had a lot to catch up on.
Kate: We did.
Doree: Kate had very sporadic internet access, so I would get a few texts at once.
Kate: Oh my god. It was torture.
Doree: She couldn't see any images.
Kate: Oh, it was torture
Doree: Any links.
Kate: Doree sent me a link and I was like, I can't open this, but I want to.
Doree: Going to have to wait till Miami.
Kate: This is great practice.
Doree: So we had a lot to catch up on. Anyway, yes. Here's my question, Kate. Before you left on this very podcast, you talked about some items that you had researched to make the cruising experience more pleasant, easier, et cetera. I would like to know which of those items would you recommend?
Kate: Wow. Okay, well I first just wanna say thank you for asking. I am probably going to do a thorough breakdown of my cruise must-haves in my monthly newsletter, which I've just kinda revived. And so if you are hankering for a detailed kind of breakdown of what I thought was worth it, what wasn't and why, go sign up for my newsletter at katespencerwrights.com/newsletter.
Doree: Good plug. Good plug.
Kate: Comes out once a month. It's very low stakes newsletters experience. But anyway. Okay. So yes, I had been, as one does with hyperfocus, I tend to have, and which I'm now kind of really learning and learning how to harness. It's all part of my adult ADD diagnosis, I, before a trip. I get hyper fixated on what my family's going to need. As if we, most trips we have access to things, but I behave like we won't. So I'm buying medication and which I don't mind being prepared, I actually like it. But with a cruise, there were a lot of YouTube videos and blog posts about specific things you might want for a cruise such as strong magnetic hooks because the walls of your cruise cabin are metal, which I would not have known.
Doree: No, and how would you?
Kate: No, I've never been on a cruise. So a lot of people recommended hooks, magnetic hooks that are heavy, heavy. They're tiny, but they're heavy duty so they can hold a couple wet bathing suits per se. So I did end up buying those hooks. Those were extremely useful. Every time a family member came in to our cabin, they were like, where did you get, did you bring those? And I was like, yeah, yeah, I remember I sent you the link to the list of things I was bringing. Another thing that I found very helpful are little lanyards to hold your little cruise card. Cause you get what's called a C pass. It's like a hotel room key, but you actually need it every time you board the cruise or get back on the ship after an excursion. Yeah. And that was very helpful. My kids had those and I bought all those ahead of time. Let me see, Doree, what else was extremely, I mean, Bonine, Bonine my anti-nausea, anti emotion sickness medication. I tapped into a lot of Bonine. Ok, now some things weren't useful.
Doree: Yeah, I was going to say, what was not useful.
Kate: So one thing I saw recommended everywhere were these tiny motion sensor lights that are, they're small and they are magnetic, so you could stick them onto your cabin wall. And when you got up to go to the bathroom, the motion sensor would turn the light on. I don't know why people thought this was urgent. We had a cabin with a balcony. So perhaps if you are in an interior cabin with no exterior light coming in, it might be nice at night, but you could also, we just left the bathroom light on. So I don't know. I bought one of those mesh over the door shoe racks. very helpful for storing our shoes and sunscreen. I bought laundry bags. Very helpful. That's the kind of thing that you always need when you travel. And I know a away suitcases come with them, but I never can find them. So I bought little laundry bags. Very, very helpful. I bought a mesh beach bag. That was great. Oh, Doree. The real winner was A S P F Sunhat I found that's adjustable and comes with under the chin strap that you can remove as needed. That was also stylish and it was very affordable. I got that puppy on Amazon. And another thing that was really handy was a travel sized poo-pourri spray, because the bathrooms are small.
That was also very handy. And then of course, lots of covid tests. One of my kids end up getting the flu on the second to last day, which of course presents like COVID and I of course had the whole guilt rack, terror experience. But it appears to be the flu. But still just having your thermometer and your medications and all those kinds of things just handy. That was very helpful.
Doree: Okay. All right. Well I look forward to your detailed rundown in your upcoming newsletter.
Kate: I will say the last bit of advice that I have is that I did rent the runway for some cruise outfits and a tiny bag that I loved and I wanna buy, but I can't, I'm not going to buy it cause it's too expensive. But I like cruise, they have these theme nights on the cruise, which you don't have to dress up for, but it actually ended up being really fun. And it's was very loosely followed, but there was a seventies night and a formal night and a white we're all white night. And so that ended up being really fun. But I don't necessarily have the gear for that. So Rent the Runway really came in handy. I was pleasantly surprised with my Rent the Runway rentals, my outfit rentals, and this tiny Anya Hindmarch Raffia Clutch bag that I got was the winner of the week. I used it every day. I've loved it.
Doree: Wow, Okay.
Kate: I really want it, but I don't think it's going to happen for me yet. So I'll think of more as I, I'm going to kind of go through and do an assessment. But yeah, that's my review. It was quite fun. Thank you very much to the Royal Caribbean family. I will also say, if you're like me and you obsess over, I can't watch a show without then frantically researching every person in it. Going on a cruise gives you a great deal opportunity of an opportunity to obsess about people because we went and watched the Aqua Dance Show, which by the way was fantastic. And then I'm immediately now tracking down every performer on social media and studying their lives. Same with the cast of Catz that was on the cruise. So yeah. So if you're that me and you love obsessing about strangers that you've seen once online. A cruise is great. Cruise is great.
Doree: Oh my gosh. Okay. Amazing.
Kate: Anyway, so that was a fun experience. Thank you for asking about it. It was quite fun. I don't know if I'll ever do it again. I didn't meet any podcast listeners on the cruise. That was really sad.
Doree: Well that is a shame.
Kate: I kept looking around for somebody.
Doree: But alas.
Kate: Maybe you were on the Oasis of the Seas Thanksgiving cruise and if you were, let me know, hit me up.
Doree: Oh well Kate, I truly enjoyed listening to all of your cruise talk, but we are going to take a short break now. Alright, we are back.
Kate: So Doree, we received this text message that I wanted to address. So I think this was in response to me commenting in an interview somewhere, I think with Hitha about many men not knowing how many tampons a menstruating person might use in their menstrual cycle. And this person wrote, why does a man need to know how many tampons a woman uses in her menstrual cycle? Honestly, not tracking. Are we supposed to know how fast they go through a speed stick? And listener, I want to lovingly say to you that I think it's really important for us all to understand how bodies work. And traditionally, because our society structure is a patriarchy, men tend to be extremely clueless about how women's bodies work.
Doree: This is true.
Kate: And I'm using the term women, but I mean anybody with a uterus, anybody who's who has that reproductive system to the point where it impacts medical research where oftentimes women are not studied or the impact on their reproductive systems are not studied or considered where our access to reproductive healthcare is restricted by our government. So by men who probably don't know how many tampons a woman uses in her menstrual cycle, right? Do they know when we're ovulating? Do they even know what that means or what that looks like? So I think to have a better understanding of our humanity, it's very important for men to know how women's bodies work, especially how many tampons they might use. And I would also just say that choosing to use a deodorant is not the same as menstruating.
Doree: No, it's not.
Kate: Those are two very different things. So I just wanted to note that and I appreciate you asking. Right. But I think a deeper understanding, especially as I mentioned because we're in a patriarchy, a deeper understanding of women's bodies, I think would honestly help cultivate compassion and understanding and hopefully help break down the rampant misogyny in our world. Just maybe buy like a drop.
Doree: Ooh, Kate
Kate: Am I on a soapbox? Am I on a vulva shaped soapbox right now? I hope so. Right? I mean, what do you think Ted Cruz knows? Do we? No. You know what Justice Alito, you think that fucker knows?
Doree: I dont think, I don't think they care.
Kate: No, they don't care. They don't give a fuck. So not only does it important that they know they should care. Good point, Dor. And I bring this up because we received this other text that I actually thought answered this listener's question and someone wrote that directed at me. Cause I've spoken about my experience here. They said, Kate, I had Covid at the beginning of August and I'm now just getting my period back. Thank you for talking about this because none of my friends experienced this. And often what I am finding, and it has been written about with both the Covid vaccine and Covid itself, is that people experience changes in their their menstrual cycles. And, that's not being researched or talked about.
Doree: No,
Kate: My period went away after I had covid. So it's really important to consider these things and for all of us, not just the folks who are bleeding.
Doree: Once again, this is me clapping
Kate: I care very, very, very deeply about this. And it's just something I think about. And the given this platform that we have where we get to talk about this stuff and share about this stuff. And as a parent of kids, I hear a lot about moms who talk to their daughters about menstruation. But are you talking to your sons? Doree dot dot dot .
Doree: No, no. I mean, I have put in tampons in front of Henry and he has asked me what I was putting in my butt.
Kate: Yeah. And you told him we put tampons in our butts because we poop out our periods. Right? Yeah. You gave him that.
Doree: I mean I gave him the whole rundown.
Kate: Oh, Henry, what a cutie patutie.
Doree: I know. I know. He is real cute. Okay, well I'm glad that we addressed this, Kate. Thank you.
Kate: Well I just did want us to say thank you to both of those listeners for reaching out with those comments and observations. I appreciate you being open to dialogue and now we switch gears drastically.
Doree: Okay. This is a text Forever35. Hi, important cue, white elephant. Is it an opportunity to re-gift or pass something along or am I supposed to buy something? My parents always told me it was the former, but I'm seeing stuff on the internet with price limits for white elephant and now I'm worried I'm going to be the cheap asshole if I don't buy something. Help. I actually have guidance on this. Cause my mahjong group is going to do a white elephant. Your parents are correct in that the traditional white elephant was indeed supposed to be something that you found in your home to re-gift and it was usually meant to be kind of a gag gift. Now it has since evolved often into something a bit different, which is hosts will put a price limit on gifts. And it's not supposed to be a gag gift. It's supposed to be something like that you would actually want. And instead of people kind of competing to get the least worst gift, they're competing to get the best gift. So my advice to you listener is to ask your host, which variety of white elephant they are intending to have.
Kate: Good call.
Doree: Thank you. Because I agree there is confusion out there.
Kate: Yeah. And I think, I What are your Mahjong group is doing the traditional version?
Doree: Yes.
Kate: Which I like because that kind of takes the pressure off. There's nothing worse than totally bringing something to a gift exchange and people not wanting it. I don't know. And bringing something that you intend to be something people want.
Doree: Totally. But if it's meant to be sort of funny. You don't wanna wrap up trash, you know what I mean? But it's like it's supposed to be something sort of funny that you people could still use, but it is meant to be a Spencer's gift type thing.
Kate: Yes. My family's extremely successful chain of Spencer.
Doree: Perhaps you all are not aware that Kate is the heiress to the Spencer Gifts fortune.
Kate: I'm a Spencer's gift. Nepo baby Doree. To be clear, we are joking. I do not have any relation to Spencer's Gifts in case anyone takes that seriously.
Doree: What if you did?
Kate: I would be living large on all that penis pill money. I wouldn't
Doree: Or the fake poop.
Kate: Yeah. I would be living my best novelty t-shirt riches life.
Doree: Totally. yeah. So that's the story. And then everyone from memory everyone draws numbers and that's the order in which you select your gift. And if you can either choose a new gift or what is it, you can choose get your gift. But then you can also take someone else's gift or trade. Trade. Force a trade. But I think can some people say you can only force, a gift can only be passed three times.
Kate: Oh, that's a good rule.
Doree: I think is often a rule. Anyway, very relevant, timely question listener. Thank you for asking. Alright, we are going to take another short break and we'll BRB
We are back. We had responded to a question recently about, it was from a listener who did not wanna participate in her family's, what she described as sort of over the top gift giving traditions anymore. And she was looking for advice about how to kind of broach this. And so we got this email in response. My parents are the same as this listener's in that their love language is gift giving. Santa Claus came to our home for many years, passed reasonable well into my twenties until my sister had children. Unfortunately, my parents went through financial hardship and it was clear that they were anguished to not be able to give gifts as easily as they wanted to be sensitive to this. Me and my siblings who were also on board proposed a family secret Santa and day of Christmas white elephant exchange. We created a Google document to list the types of gifts, everything from goods to experiences, to donations, to our favorite charities that we would welcome and put a $50 limit on the secret Santa. We put a $25 limit on the white elephant. Now we have a wonderful time because we have appointed gifting and then a fun exchange. This is just a suggestion of one way that you can navigate it. Our family has thrived with this new tradition and I get away with $75 of gifts plus making it rain for my nieces and nephews.
Kate: I love this. I love idea so much. And if we celebrated with a group, I would try to do this
Doree: Totally.
Kate: Ugh, what a nice idea. Love this. Here's an email we received not necessarily about gift giving. Well no, excuse me. I take that back. This is an email we received about gift giving, but in a different vein. Hi Kate and Doree. It's Black Friday and I'm one of those types that doesn't normally participate in Black Friday shopping because it always feels a bit overwhelming. And then I had a genius idea. I love to shop within my means, but I don't like accumulating stuff. So this year I decided to buy stuff off wishlists of charities that are important to me today. It was Horses' Help, an equine therapy and adaptive horse riding organization here in Phoenix. My daughter has mild cerebral palsy and does adaptive horse riding there. She's a horse girl like you, Kate. Hello. It was fun to shop on Black Friday and I know those horses will benefit from the Dewormer anyway.
I thought other listeners who enjoy shopping but don't always want more stuff might also enjoy finding wishlists that are meaningful to them. And it doesn't have to only be a Black Friday thing. I plan on doing this anytime I feel like I want a to pointlessly shop, I'm going to buy something off an organizational wishlist instead. Thanks for all your hard work that goes into the podcast. I did want to mention an organization that I am a huge fan of Mary's List. They're based here in Los Angeles and they help resettled refugee families get settled into their new homes and communities here in the United States. And one of the ways in which they do this is by fulfilling wishlists of items these families need. And it's an incredible organization. Mary who founded the group is a friend of the pod, friend of ours, IRL, and is just an incredible human. And they do amazing, amazing work. I love supporting them. I have done wishlists for them in the past, so I did just wanna give them a big hearty shout out. And I think also Doree, like tis the season around the holidays where you can buy gifts for many folks in need. And dare I say you were just honored for being instrumental in this.
Doree: Well, Kate, you may say that. Yeah, I'm doing again this year. Love doing it. And you should look into whether there's something in your area where we can do that.
Kate: Yes. And Doree and I do it through the Children's Law Center of California. Also Donors Choose is a really, really wonderful organization. It's not quite like Lyft List buying, but it's donating specifically to classrooms that really kind of go into detail about what the money will be used for. And it's been so rewarding. We actually did one, not to keep bringing up my newsletter, but I shared one in my newsletter and it was paid off. We did it. We fulfilled the need. So I love Donors Choose also
Doree: Great rec. all right, Kate, we are going to close things out with a voicemail.
Kate: Can I give a brief setup for this story?
Doree: Oh yes, you may.
Kate: We put out a call for you to summon us from your Thanksgiving hide in the bathroom, if you will, and tell us what's going on. And we received a few messages and so this is one of those messages.
Voicemail: Hi, Kat and Dor, as requested, calling from the bathroom at my family Thanksgiving. I'm very thankful to report that there was very little political conversation at our gathering today but the most entertaining thing that happened was my 16 year old cousin telling a story about someone defecating in the middle of the Panera Bread where he works. So just so you know, it's very classy here at my family's Thanksgiving. I hope having a wonderful holiday. Bye.
Doree: Wow,
Kate: That's a good story.
Doree: That is that's intense. That is intense.
Kate: It is intense. May we all have had that kind of Thanksgiving if you celebrate with your family.
Doree: Wow. Okay. Well, okay,
Kate: Doree.
Doree: Yes, Kate.
Kate: Just a pleasure and a joy as always. That's all
Doree: Indeed. All right. Bye everyone. Farewell.