Mini-Ep 315: Tears For Free
Kate and Doree explore what radical toe acceptance might look like and if nail polish is involved. Then, for the listener looking for cry content, they gathered all the best tearjerker recommendations listeners sent in and added a few of their own.
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Cry Content
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Transcript
Kate: Hello, and welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I am Kate Spencer
Doree: And I am Doree Shafrir,
Kate: And we are not experts.
Doree: No, but we are two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.
Kate: And this is a mini episode where we hear from you. We share your, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability.
Doree: Yes. But please do remember we are podcast hosts. We're not experts. We always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Kate: You know, we do because Doree and I have not yet become doctors.
Doree: Not yet. Not yet. No,
Kate: But like anything is possible in 2022. That's
Doree: True.
Kate: Yep. If you wanna reach us, uh, please leave us a voicemail or send us a text at 7 8 1 5 9 1 0 3 9 0. You can also email us at forever five podcast, gmail.com and Doree. Can I just tell you that when I was feeling very down and I was like, somebody text me, I'm dealing with depression. So many people sent me nice text messages at our little, at our text number.
Doree: That's so nice.
Kate: It was a real pick me up. I really appreciate it. I thank you very much.
Doree: Did they send me any? And if you,
Kate: You didn't request a message. Interesting, but, uh, I do believe there are many messages.
Doree: Mm, okay.
Kate: For you.
Doree: Well, you can visit our website forever35podcast.com for links to everything we mentioned on the show and the show notes. And you can also shop the products that we mentioned on the show at shopmyshelf.us/forever35. You can follow us on Instagram at forever35podcast. Follow us on twitter at forever35pod and join the forever35 facebook group at facebook.com/groups//forever 35podcast. The password is Serums. And don't forget, you can sign up for our newsletter at forever35podcast.com/newsletter.
Kate: Okay. So you are going get a Mani Pedi for the first time in over a year.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: Are you so freaking excited?
Doree: I am. I mean, I'm a little nervous because I do believe that I don't know if my last Manny petty gave me my whole nail fungus infection situation or if it just exacerbated it, but you know, I'm a little gun shy. I'm not gonna lie, but needs must, you know,
Kate: You've gotta just, you know, bite the bullet and go for it and see what happens.
Doree: Yeah. You know, I was reading somewhere that you can request a pedicure to be done without water,
Kate: Which is a, is a, um, a part of the fungus situation, correct? Yes. Like, does that contribute to your susceptibility?
Doree: I, I mean, it's supposed to be more sanitary if you do it without water.
Kate: I do. So those feet
Doree: Again, not an expert. I, I mean, maybe that's maybe like the, the foot soaking part of it is overrated. I dunno. I know that we used to, we used to have nail technicians who listen to this podcast. I don't know if they still listen, but I would love to hear from you sadly, this, I think this will come out after my pedicure. So whatever is done will be done, but, um, yeah, for future reference, it would just be helpful to know, because what I should say is that all of the kind of damage on my nails has, it's almost all grown out.
Kate: And that was a result of a fungus infection that was from over a year ago. Is that correct? That's when you got it.
Doree: That's when it started
Kate: And then it took a while to
Doree: Yes. Well then I didn't place. Yeah. Cause I didn't quite really realize what it was. I then had some nail polished on that I left on for a very long time. And then when I took it off, I was like, what is happening under there?
Kate: No.
Doree: And that's when I was like, oh, this is not good. Um, so you know, that was when I got the prescription ointment and yeah. You know,
Kate: Are you gonna get gel or you do, you're just gonna do regular nail Polish.
Doree: I'm just gonna do regular. I, I think I'm off the gel dip train. I will still do press ons because those are meant to be taken off within seven days. I am just, I'm now just a little wary of stuff. Staying on my nails for too long. I dunno. All this could just be all, this could just be in my head. I could just be making up rules that are not real rules, but this is, this is how I feel.
Kate: I don't think you are. Um, we received a lot of feedback when I was kind of talking about how I've destroyed my nails. And I feel like a consistent message that we got from a few listeners was the way they finally like started taking care of their nails was by not doing anything to their nails. Yeah. And that, that has resonated with me. Although I did get a gel pedicure last week. I like a gel. I just like a gel pedicure, cuz I know it's gonna last me
Doree: Like six, six weeks
Kate: In the summer.
Doree: I know. I know. Yeah. I know. I know.
Kate: Ugh. I, I also just watched a video on TikTok tube day of a tip on how now, again, TikTok also not, not experts. We don't know where these people are getting their information, but this one person put a baggy of acetone and olive oil <laugh> together with a paper towel. And then, then they said, you stick your fingers in, if you have gel or dip on and just soak it and then rub it against the paper towel and it comes right off.
Doree: I mean, okay. <laugh>
Kate: I'm not gonna try it. I do think, I do think that if I ever get a manicure again, it will be just regular Polish. I think that has to be what I do.
Doree: Yeah. So I've had nothing on my nails for probably a month, at least really letting them just like air out. You know, it's also been an interesting exercise for me <laugh> because in the past I would never wear open-toed shoes. If I did not have a pedicure
Kate: Same.
Doree: And I've just been like rocking the bare nails and like my nails are not pretty. So it's part of my path of radical self acceptance. <laugh>
Kate: I mean, we laugh, but I see you because part of the reason I got, I like had an hour of time and I just said to my family, I was like, I'm going to get a pedicure because we were going to like a friend's house to be in their pool. And I was like, I can't look at my feet like this anymore.
Doree: Mm-hmm <affirmative>
Kate: But again, the radical self acceptance is incredibly important. Do I have it especially about my feet? Definitely not so kudos to you Doree. I admire that a lot.
Doree: Well, thank you.
Kate: <laugh> you're welcome. But I'm serious. It's interesting. I mean, we're coming off of a conversation with a future guest, uh, about all this stuff. So I think we're both thinking about it a lot, but the ways in which like we bought body modify without even realizing it, um, and how it's so intrinsically connected to like how we feel about ourselves and how we want others to, to feel about us as well is just, it's really hard to kind of wrap your head around sometimes. Yeah. You know?
Doree: Yeah. It totally is.
Kate: I will say though, before I got this gel pedicure, I used, you know, like the Polish stickers. I forget exactly what they're called. I will make sure I have the correct. I think they're called information.
Doree: Aren't they called nail wraps.
Kate: Thank you. Yes. And I put them on my, I, I like needed or I didn't need, I wanted to have a polished toe. We were going out somewhere and I wanted to wear her sandal. And of course like you, I have prescribed to this belief that I need to have nail Polish on my feet in order to wear a sandal. And I did these things in like 10 minutes and I have to say they looked pretty darn good.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: But again, should I be practicing a nail Polish this life who's
Doree: To say, I dunno
Kate: Who's to say, I don't know
Doree: Either things to say. Yeah. Yeah. Things
Kate: To think about things,
Doree: To think food for thought I will report back.
Kate: What colors are you gonna get? Are you gonna get a bright toe?
Doree: I will probably get a bright toe. I do like a bright toe. I love a bright toe. Um, but you know, then I also start thinking about the fact that like darker Polish stains, your nails more, you know, but darker Polish also covers up more imperfections. You know what I could do now that I'm like talking this out, I could do
Kate: Like, or go with it, go with it.
Doree: Like a, like a light opaque, gray.
Kate: Oh, that would be nice.
Doree: Wouldn't that be nice?
Kate: I like that. Yes I do. I, but I love gray. I, I could do a gray anytime a year. That sounds nice.
Doree: I think that could work for me.
Kate: Can I ask another, just nail polish question for you?
Doree: K. You may.
Kate: When did, as a culture, we go from having matching colors on our hands and our feet to having different colors. Because I feel like when I was growing up, you had like, it was the thing to have the same color on both. And now I would feel very self-conscious if I had the same color on both, I like a bright color on my toes. Yeah. And I like color on my hands. Yeah.
Doree: Just,
Kate: Just wondering how people approach their color choices.
Doree: Mm-hmm <affirmative> mm-hmm <affirmative> mm-hmm <affirmative> yep. Great questions. Great questions. Kate.
Kate: The philosophical question about nails
Doree: <laugh>
Kate: Well, shall we take a little break and then switch gears?
Doree: I would like nothing more.
Kate: Okay. Let's pause. And when we come back, we're going share some tear. Actually the whole episode, we're just sharing tear jerker and crying recommendations.
Doree: We will be right back
Kate: Doree. A while back. We heard from a listener. Who's trying to figure out how to cry.
Doree: Yep.
Kate: Looking for tips on how to create tears. And we received many suggestions for tear jerkers or just things that get you in the mood.
Doree: I had said you could practice by watching movies that make you cry.
Kate: And then we rambled on some of our faves. Yes, we did like that moment where Kevin Costner and his ghost dad meet in the field of dreams.
Doree: Oh God.
Kate: And then all the ghosts walk into the corn. You know that moment.
Doree: I'm like thinking about it right now. I'm thinking Of the two.
Kate: I know. I know. So we received so many wonderful recommendations. Should we share some, share some
Doree: Let's let's share
Kate: Some. Okay. So this first person said Coda. I was crying so hard. I couldn't breathe.
Doree: Wow.
Kate: Haven't, I haven't watched Coda yet.
Doree: I haven't either. I need to do that.
Kate: I need to do that too. Um, Anthony loved it, but I have not watched it probably for this reason cuz I know I'm gonna weep. I know. Then they also said also uncle Frank. Beautiful, beautiful. Oh man. My husband cried too. He's a crier, which I love. Thanks for keeping me company. While I piddle around the kitchen exo from Kansas.
Doree: What is uncle Frank?
Kate: I had the same question. According to Wikipedia. It's a 2020 American comedy drama film written directed. And co-produced by Alan Ball who I believe is our friend who made, um, <laugh> didn't Allen ball do, uh,
Doree: Six Feet Under
Kate: And the vampires. Why can I think of the vampires? You know Anna Paquin.
Doree: Oh yeah. Uh, true blood.
Kate: Yes. Thank you. And it stars Paul Betney and someone named Sophia who I don't know, set in the 1970s. Uncle Frank is a road movie about a gay man who confronts his past.
Doree: Hmm.
Kate: Great recommendation. I, I have never heard of this film in Me life.
Doree: Me Neither,
Kate: But I will cry. You know what um, made my husband cry is turning red.
Doree: Oh really?
Kate: Yeah. He cried during the movie and then later out to dinner with me, he cried talking about the movie. Like it really, I think because it, it got him both as a person who's been through adolescence and also as a parent of two children on the brink of adolescence. But it like, it got him and I that's another movie I haven't watched because I'm also like, I don't think I can handle the emotional experience.
Doree: Mm. Yeah.
Kate: Here's a message story. A text.
Text: Capital Loved your discussion about crying on mini F 3 0 5. Doree said exactly what I was thinking with the watching a tear jerker to get more comfortable with crying. I'm definitely guilty of repressing feelings, but I love getting emotionally in touch with something not real slash unrelated to my life. I am guilty of crying during movies, but I find myself more connected with TV shows since I become more familiar with the characters. I happy cry when I watch Pam and Jim's wedding on the office. Aww and ball with many episodes of this is us a show for a good cry is the first season. Excuse me, is the first episode of Zoe's extraordinary playlist and also the karaoke episode of Ted lasso.
Doree: Oh, okay.
Kate: I mean, I, I have to say the amount of people who just recommended this is us as a show for crying was extraordinary. Yeah.
Doree: Did you ever watch this is us?
Kate: I think I watched the first episode and I like remember something about the babies being in the hospital. Mm-hmm <affirmative> and then I, I checked out.
Doree: Okay. I watched, I think I watched all of season one. This is us. Yes. This is us will make you cry. It also might make you feel like emotionally manipulated.
Kate: Oh really?
Doree: I think so. I mean, other people might feel differently. We might have some, you know, this is us stands here, but I, uh, yeah, that was my kind of feeling. That was kind of why I stopped watching
Kate: Just in that the situations presented on the show were like almost intended to emotionally torture
Doree: You. Oh, 1000%. Yes.
Kate: <laugh>
Doree: 1000%.
Kate: That sounds rough.
Doree: Yeah. It just like wasn't for me.
Kate: Yeah.
Doree: But you know, if it was for you, then, then that's great.
Kate: You know, another listener wrote in and they suggested the great, the book, the great believers by Rebecca Mackay.
Doree: Oh my God. That book made me cry.
Kate: I, yes, when I, when I, when we got this text, I was like, I, I just flashback to how I was such a mess. Yes. Reading that book.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: And it's such a freaking fantastic book, but whoa. It will get you,
Doree: It will, it will fully get you.
Kate: It will get you, but maybe you wanna be got, you know?
Doree: Yeah. I mean, that's the thing, right? Like it kind of just depends on your, on your state of mind. Well, here's another email, dear Kate and Doree. I really enjoyed your recent episode where you shared the list of tear jerker movies. I wanted to recommend one more. If you haven't seen it already, everything everywhere. All at once, which is currently in theaters, I would classify it as action slash sci-fi slash tear. Jerker. Just know that if you watch it, you will one cry, two, think three Become with actress, Michelle. Yeah. Okay.
Kate: I feel like my response to every single suggestion is, oh yeah, I haven't watched that because I'm afraid of feeling things.
Doree: I mean, that's real. I also thought this is another,
Kate: this is another movie that people have recommended. It is apparently you've. I mean, incredible and a must see in a theater mm-hmm <affirmative> and yet I'm scared. I'm scared of feeling things.
Doree: Look, I get it. I really get it.
Kate: So maybe I've been avoiding feelings. Uh, oh, I've somehow made this about psycho some how psychoanalyzing myself, this,
Doree: I mean but we have kinda talked about this. That like just the weight of the world has left very little room or you anything else? So I get it. Get it.
Kate: All right. Thank you. Well, we have, um, another suggestion via voicemail to play.
Voicemail: Hi, just calling in with some cry content. For a TV like this is us.tYou probablys of people saying that, but like every episode of the tear jerker. Um, and then as a book, um, both as cry content, but also just as a terrific book, I wanted to recommend the great believers by Rebecca. I don't how you say her last name. Um, but so such an incredible, incredible book. And I wept through the last, I don't know, at least 40 pages just, just like wiping my eyes constantly so I could keep reading. Cause it was so, so sad and so, so compelling and I love it and recomme it a million times. That's all talk too soon. Bye.
Kate: Okay. There's our great believers recommendation that I mentioned earlier. Yeah. To steal your, yeah. Sorry. Stole your thunder there. Listener, but I mean again, two good ones. Have you cried watching anything lately? Like have you, have you had a cry?
Doree: Whilst watching something? Um, Good question. Nothing comes to mind. I do. I mean this, I have, I, this is not something I watched recently, but I do remember crying at the end of Black Panther.
Kate: Oh.
Doree: yes?
Kate: You know what? I cried at like more than anything I've cried at, in so long. What was a little women? The updated little women movie.
Doree: Oh, okay.
Kate: But that was one of those movies that I started crying. Like just when it began. Have you ever had that experience where something is moving you so emotionally? It's not even sad, but you're just so like, you just are, you're just caught up in whatever it's bringing up for you and you just cry through the whole thing. Yes, I wept. Yes. Like I think I frightened Anthony A. Little bit.
Doree: Oh no.
Kate: <laugh> I mean he needs to be kept on his toes.
Doree: Yes he does. He does. You're right. You're right.
Kate: All right. Well, um, Doree, let's take a pause again from some sponsors and to
Doree: All right, we have returned, we have another voicemail.
Voicemail: Hi, Kat and Dor. calling in with some grief and crying related things like that's a bit of a theme right now. Um, first off I wanted to suggest for the crying, trying a, um, a restorative yoga with a focus on grief. Uh, you can look up on like YouTube and then, you know, do it in your privacy of your own home. And, um, that's been really, really nice for me. I've been going through, um, the grief process myself, um, and being able to just kind be in the, of your own home, moving your body. Sometimes it unlocks stuff like that. And then you can just on your yoga mat by yourself. No big deal, um, the thing I wanted to say for grief, that's helpful for me started making me, uh, is I started making grief bracelets <laugh>, which is basically just a friendship bracelet. Um, and as I make it, I think about, you know, the person or the situation or whatever, I've made him for multiple things at this point. Um, and then it's nice. Cause at the end you can, you know, put it on your wrist or, you know, gift it to somebody or whatever. But, um, for me having that kind of physical reminder as I go through my day when I'm, when I'm feeling sad and just, um, there's something about the, the physical reminder that helps me kind of ground. And, um, I D know, it, it, I find it kinda calming to have, have something, something physical. So that, that was just a little thing to throw into the conversation. And, uh, I'm curious to hear kinda what else other people have for ideas. Love the podcast. Love you guys.
Kate: Okay. I love both of these suggestions so much and I, I actually will say that the yoga, especially the suggestion really resonated with me because after my mom died, I was practicing yoga very intensely. And part of that was because I was, it helped me physically move through my emotions, which involved a ton of crying in various yoga classes. Um, and I find that, you know, this listener suggested doing a video online, which I would assume you would be in your own personal space, but even in a class, a yoga class with other people, I always found that people made space for emotions in that way. I don't think it's rare for people to be moved to tears for whatever reason when you move your body. So I just think this is such a great, great suggestion, and there are some really beautiful yoga classes and practices that are specific to grief. So I just love that idea.
Doree: Yeah. I feel like yoga with Adrienne has some,
Kate: Does she have some grief focused Ones?
Doree: Yeah, she does.
Kate: Oh, that's awesome. God. Okay. God. So God bless yoga for Adrienne. How many, how many of us have relied on that woman?
Doree: I know she's really special.
Kate: We've really been like just riding the yoga with Adrienne train, especially during this pandemic. I mean, truly mm-hmm <affirmative> she has helped so many of us. Um, what about the idea of making a grief bracelet?
Doree: That's cool. I like that too.
Kate: I thought that was Really, really special. I mean, what listener, what tender practices you have for yourself yeah. In your grief, just.
Doree: totally.
Kate: Mm. So nice. I love it.
Doree: Well,
Kate: I feel good. This is a nice conversation. Isn't it? It's it really me feel good?
Doree: Um, well we have one last text, Kate. It says,
Text: hi, Kate and Doree for the listener who is looking for help with crying. My go-to strategy is taking a hot shower and putting on some emotional music that I can sing along to the shower, gives me privacy and covers any noise I might be self-conscious about. And the music gives me a little bit of an emotional on ramp and gets me over that initial obstacle of not wanting to let my feelings go. Obviously, this won't work in every situation, but it might be worth a try. If you can tell there's a cry in there, but it won't come out. Love Sarah from Portland, Oregon.
Doree: Um, and you know, my little, my favorite speaker, the one that we play our voicemails through the wonder, boom, ultimate ears speaker is waterproof and it has a little, little hook thing that you can hang in your shower.
Kate: So that is Anthony and I each have our own shower speaker mm-hmm <affirmative> we are just wild like that. And he has that exact one and I have a JBL waterproof speaker. Oh, okay.
Doree: I've heard great things about that one too. Yeah.
Kate: Now we are mostly listening to podcasts in the shower. Um, but I would love to listen to a sad song. I have a, and do you think you'll try this? I mean, if I need to cry. Yeah. A music really does help make me cry. Um, I'm specifically the song that came into head is songbird by Fleetwood Mac. Like if that is on, forget it real good for free by Joni Mitchell, but the man playing clarinet. No one's stopping. I just like, I can't that song just like wrecks me so much. Mm. Uh, so yes, I could try this for sure. Did you ever watch the TV show parenthood?
Doree: Yes, I was actually, I almost mentioned it when we were talking about this is us because I feel like it's what parent it's like, what this is us was sort of aspiring to and parenthood just did it so much better. <laugh>
Kate: Wow. What a dig. That's a great show for weeping. And I will say the movie, the original movie that it's based on that also always makes me cry. Yes. Always
Doree: same, same, same, same.
Kate: Um, and if you want some like vintage Keanu and Joaquin Phoenix, it's all in there. All right. Well, thank you listeners for all your suggestions. Um, thank you. Original listener for asking about crying tips. We appreciate it. We hope we hope you got some tears out of
Doree: This and thank you, Kate
Kate: Doree. Thank you.
Doree: Oh, okay. Thank you. All right. Bye everyone.