Mini-Ep 283: Butterly Confused
Kate remembers her mom on the 15th anniversary of her death and Doree bubbles her bath and styles her bangs. Then, listeners write in seeking some solace in the form of reassuring words, ask about the self-care of gaming, and wonder if anyone else’s butter is going rancid on the counter.
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Transcript
Kate: Hello, and welcome to forever35, a podcast about the things that we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Kate, Spencer.
New Speaker: I, and I am Doree Shafrir, and we are not experts. No, but we are two friends who like to talk a lot about serums,
Kate: Doree. This is true. And this is also a mini episode where we get to hear from you. We share your comments and thoughts, and we answer your questions to the best of our ability.
New Speaker: Yes. Our ability, because please remember we are podcast hosts, not experts, and we always encourage you to seek support first and foremost, from a medical and or mental health professional as needed.
Kate: very important Doree. Very important to always check in with an expert.
New Speaker: Yep. Yep. Yep.
Kate: Now all that being said, if you wanna check in with us, please do leave us a voicemail at 7 8 1 5 9 1 0 3 9 0. You can also text us at this number. I literally just received a text from a listener who also cured their butt acne with the tips from the original butt acne listener.
New Speaker: Wow. Yeah. Okay.
Kate: They, they went, they did the same thing I did and went on to Alta and bought the same products. Like without knowing that I did it.
New Speaker: That's so funny.
Kate: I know, I told them they were my butt soulmate. They haven't written back yet. Maybe they will. But see, this is the kind of excitement that can happen over the forever35 voice and text number area. You can also email us forever 35 podcast, gmail.com.
New Speaker: Indeed. And just a reminder that everything product wise that we mention is always on the website forever 35 podcast.com. And you can follow us on Twitter forever 35 pod on Instagram, forever 35 podcast. You can join the forever 35 Facebook group password. There is serums and you can also sign up for our newsletter. The next one will be going out next week. Uh that's at forever 35 podcast.com/newsletter.
Kate: Well, Doree, what a time to be a, a person in the world, huh?
New Speaker: Yeah, it is a heavy time to be here.
Kate: It's a heavy time. Oh my goodness. Yeah. I, you know, I know many people are feeling the weight of, I mean, look the general global challenges that we are all facing as a, as a human entity specifically thinking of, of what's happening in Ukraine right now. Um, and I mean, gosh, it's been really heavy and I, you know, I think you and I have both really felt that lately.
New Speaker: Yeah, for sure.
Kate: Anyway, Doree, you know, I, I know we, I often am like babbling about how I can't believe that like listeners are real and that they listen to the podcast, but we have listeners around the world forever 35 is a legitimately a global community. I know we have listeners in Ukraine and, uh, uh, you know, our, I think we are just, um, you know, I think everyone deserves safety and peace and that's a thing that is weighing heavily in our hearts right now. Yeah. But you, you did, uh, have some wonderful suggestions on where to donate that you included in our show notes. Do you wanna share, or will they just be available for people to find in our notes?
New Speaker: No, I can share because I was specifically looking for organizations that were, um, either like run by Ukrainians, whether they were in Ukraine or abroad. Um, you know, just not these, I think everyone knows about like save the children and you know what I mean? So I was, I was kind of looking for some like smaller, um, efforts that people are doing to, um, help Ukraine and Ukrainian. So one of them is a GoFundMe that is raising money to support it in Ukraine. And it's run by a consortium of the fix. Are we Europe genomics and media development foundation? Um, I found it through the Keve independent, which is an English language website that just launched like three months ago.
Kate: Wow.
New Speaker: And the, they are doing some great work and they have a separate GoFundMe just for them. And then they're also kind of participating in promoting this other GoFundMe that is helping support media organizations, um, throughout Ukraine. So that's one of them. Um, the other is called and I hope I'm pronouncing this correctly. Razo Razo for Ukraine. They are a us and Ukraine based organization. That's been around for a few years that is devoted to building a stronger democracy democracy in Ukraine. And they have an office in New York and in Keve, um, and they are currently raising money to purchase medical supplies. And if you go to their website, they have like a blog post detailing, how they've been spending the money so far. And then there's another organization called voices of children. That is a Ukraine based organization that helps get psychological help for children affected by war in Ukraine. And they've been around for a few years, kind of focused on, uh, the regions in Eastern Ukraine that have been like under attack for a while.
Kate: Thank you for those. That's really helpful.
New Speaker: Um, yeah. And if you read Kate's newsletter, she linked to, um, a good Washington post article.
Kate: Yeah. They had a lot of good spots. You know, we donate, we have a monthly, our, our family is a monthly recurring donation with world central kitchen and I they're on the border right now of Ukraine and Poland. So they're one that I feel good about donating to. And then I feel like Jose Andres is like, get me to the crisis. He's amazing. He really is. I mean, they were feeding people in the vaccination lines here in Los Angeles too. Like it's just such an amazing organization. I think they're incredible Doree, not to just keep bringing up things that are sad, but I did wanna know out that this episode comes out on the 15th anniversary of my mom passing away, which is which, I mean, I know that's sad, but it's a big milestone for me. And I, I also, I wanted to note it because if you are in the early stages of grief, I wanna just say hi from the other side and let you know that it's going to be okay.
Kate: And you can always email us and talk to me about it. But, um, it is possible to keep moving forward while still carrying your grief with you. And what's exciting is that today, I mean, we're recording this a couple days ahead, but on today I get to go be with my brother and his wife and their toddler son and their new baby who's named after my mom.
New Speaker: Oh,
Kate: Isn't that wild? So it just feels like, uh, you know, it's a, always a, like a somber day for me, but it's also very joyful to get to just, you know, like celebrate my mom by getting to like, be with her grandkids and meet my niece and, you know, hopefully give my brother and his wife time to take a nap. I'm very excited.
New Speaker: Aw. That's if you so nice,
Kate: I'm excited to get to go to Seattle. I'm gonna get to experience some beautiful vegetation and some rainy clouds. I just can't wait, take me to, what is Seattle called? I almost called it the windy city. And then I realized that's Chicago. What is Seattle called?
New Speaker: Oh, I don't know.
Kate: Well, you know what? Seattle lights you let me know. Uh, okay. So Doree on a much different note, but I truly, it gives me such comfort to just get to talk about products right now. Mm. Share with us your hair care journey. You've really been on a, you've really been on a road here. Bangs Have changed things.
New Speaker: Bangs have changed things. Um, I'm gonna say they're like a little off to the side right now, but that's okay. Um, so you know, the first few days of the bang journey, I, okay. I guess I like, I have to like heat style my hair now. Like I have to blow dry it. I have to style my bangs. This is just sort of where we're at. And, but I was like, I need some sort of like moose or styling cream. Like I need something to put in it. And what I found was a product called Bumble and Bumble don't blow it, fine. Parentheses H air styler.
Kate: You know, I love when products have a punny name. I really do.
New Speaker: Totally. So I bought it thinking I would use it as like a pre blow drying cream, but then what I realized is it really does work. It's, it's intended to, um, be something you put in your hair to let it air dry. And it's specifically made for fine. It's made for fine and hair.
Kate: That's nice.
New Speaker: So, so it's not something that, you know, you put in your hair for like hold or big volume or something. It's really just kind of style. And it, it does give my hair a little bit of a wave, um, that I feel like I, I I'm into. Um, so yeah, so I, I like it. I recommend it. Yes. Kate,
Kate: am I seeing the results of this product right now? Because it so looks very cute.
New Speaker: Let me take off my headphones.
Kate: You be able, can you model for me for a minute? Yes. I, you have a little nice little wave, a little crinkle if you will.
New Speaker: Yeah. There's a little, there's a little wave, a little wave.
Kate: I like it. Okay. I like what I'm seeing here. And does it make everything easier too? Like, it just, you can put it in scrunch and go?
New Speaker: Yeah, I don't have to blow dry now. You know, if I were like going somewhere fancy, I don't know. Like I would still probably blow dry my hair at sometimes, but for the day to day, I I'm just gonna do this. So this is kinda game changer. Thank you. Um, so that is one thing. The other product that I just wanna mention, I think I talked about how I had ordered some new bath pros, but I hadn't talked about them yet because I hadn't tried actually tried them. Does this ring a bell?,
Kate: Vaguely Yes, it does. But really been made. What you're, what you're telling me is that you've tried them. You're bathing in the last two weeks. I feel like you've bathed more than you have in the last like year and a half.
New Speaker: I think that's accurate. So one of the things that I got is Dr. Teal's sleep bath with melatonin and essential oils. Now, if you are a Bather, you probably are familiar with Dr. Teals because they make, you know, Epsom salts with like essential oils in them and you can get bags of them. Um, but they also make these like bubble baths and soaks. And this one was really nice. I really liked it.
Kate: Did you notice the effect of the melatonin?
New Speaker: I mean, it was very relaxing.
Kate: I'm wondering, like, did you have a heavier sleep or like, did your, I mean, that's interesting did the melatonin get absorbed?
New Speaker: I don't know. I slept, well, it was. It was nice. Also the, like, I like the price point of this it's you can get it target for 5 49.
Kate: Yeah.
New Speaker: For 34 ounces. And, um, smells really nice. It, it, it produces a lot of nice bubbles, bubbles that stayed by the way, you know, sometimes you have a bubble bath and the bubbles kind of disintegrate.
Kate: I hate that. That enrages me when the bubbles don't last.
Doree: Yeah. So, so the bubbles lasted Kate. I'm happy to report.
Kate: I have such a fun memory of a child of using Mr. Bubbles and like that pink plastic bottle.
Doree: Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Kate: I love bathing for you. This feels good. I feel good about it. Um, well, Kate, shall we take a break? Yeah. Sorry. Let's take a pause and we will be back with some listeners.
Doree: All right. We'll be right back. Here's a text that we got Doree.
Text: Hi Kat&Dor. I don’t know if you guys have also found the last few months hard, but I have? So I am texting you, my podcast besties, to ask you to tell me that it’s all gonna be okay. Cause I think a vague reassuring word from you guys would be really helpful.
Kate: Aw, that's so nice that you think we have the power to calm and reassure. I hope you heard me earlier talking about the despair I'm feeling. Is it all going to be okay? I mean, can anyone actually promise that? No, but I do think that one thing I always gravitate toward is focusing when I get really sucked into the awful things that are happening in the world, by the way, which is happening all the time, I try to find the bits of good things to hold onto. For example, today, friend of the pod, Danielle Henderson shared a delightful video of a toddler, trying to pour great juice into a cup. And it spilled all over the table, you know, I mean, like it is going to be okay. And it can also be okay. Form, hopefully most of us in the moments of real darkness. And I, I don't, I say that I don't wanna take away from the fact that there's, there are people, many people deeply suffering right now. And, um, but I, I do think that there are moments where you see humanity prevailing and that's, that's when I'm like, oh, it's gonna be okay. I don't know, Doree. How do you, how do you kind of pep talk yourself or this, this dear sweet listener who's having a hard time. How do you pep talk 'em?
Doree: I mean, I think we can say like, like you said, like, we will, we will kind of prevail, but as I think people talked about a lot, um, you know, as we've been going through the pandemic is like, we used to say like, when are things gonna get back to normal? And I kind, kind of feel like that's a, it's related to this question of like, is it gonna be okay, quote unquote. And it's like, I don't know what okay. Is anymore. So I could offer you like a vague platitude, but, you know, I don't think you come to me for that.
Kate: You come to Kate Spencer for that, honestly.
Doree: I mean, I'm just like too much of a curmudgeon, I think just like, I, like, I wanna tell you everything is gonna be okay, but it's hard for me to say that because I don't know, to be honest.
Kate: Yeah. I think when my, when I find I'm having these conversations with my kids and I wanna to them reality, but I also don't want them to fully despairbecause they're children Um, and, and so it, it actually helps me when I kind of talk about the things that they are worried about are going on because we, we break them down into kind of more digestible pieces. And I find that too really helps me kind of process and be more okay with the things that we are experiencing. Um,
Doree: I love that.
Kate: Yeah. That has really helped. And I, I would say like, no, you know, to this listener, yes. It's going to be okay. It has to be because the alternative would suck. So I'm just going to assume it's going to be okay. And to keep having faith in other people and to also keep being as kind, as you can to others to help make the world better. God, that sounds so cheesy. Good Lord. That sounds so cheesy. Be kind everybody, but truly, I mean, truly when you experience a small moment of kindness, I feel like that's when you're like, oh, things are gonna, okay. All right. Humans are still good. Like these, this, um, Doree, for example, we boarded the last on a Southwest flight the other day, my family, two kids, two adults boarded, last group C. And this couple, they had each had an aisle seat and they moved that we could all sit together as a family. And, and I was like, no, you don't have to, like, we can sit two and two in the middle in the window. And they were like, no, we insist. They were so nice. And like, it's just moments like that where you're just like, oh, okay. People are good.
Doree: That's so nice. Yeah.
Kate: So shout out to those guys.
Doree: I do. I do think ultimately people are good and like, it does, it does feel like we are emerging from despite what we said at the top of the show, but we are kind of emerging from a really difficult time question mark, but yeah. Um, yeah. I don't know. Pretty unsatisfying answer on my part. Sorry.
Kate: No on mine too, but I think that's also their reality is that like, you know what it is, everything feels very hard and heavy right now. You know what I mean? It's not just, it's not, and it's not easy to just like vaguely brush it away, but it is easy to hydrate your skin with a humidifier. How was that?
Doree: great segue?
Kate: How was that first segue from a really hard topic to a very moist topic? Doree, a few listeners reached out to us because you had expressed concern over the dryness in the air and impacting your skin. And many people want you to know the answer is a humidifier.
Doree: Okay. I, I have comments about this, but first we'll listen to this listener,
Voicemail: Hey, this is Ashley from Texas. And this message is specifically for story. You were talking about how you really needed moisture in the air. Well, my friend go down and grab you a humidifier. They will change your life. A few years ago, I decided I was gonna try. And I noticed a huge difference in my skin. And, um, just the air. It's just so much better. Um, and if a humidifier is not your jam, then just put a big, like pot of water on the stove and just let it go really low, like all day. And it just adds some moisture into like your kitchen area. My mom used to do us all the time, whenever, when I was little. Um, the other thing about is humidifier, be sure and get one that has a filter. They're annoying. However, they work. I just recently set up, um, a humidifier in my daughter's room that didn't have a filter and, oh my God, it was so terrible. Just white dust, like got everywhere. Don't do it. I find one with a filter. It works miracles and it'll help your skin. And it'll just help you live your best life. Love the pod. Bye.
Doree: I'm aware of humidifiers.
Kate: I think they know that you are aware, but-
Doree: Are they, they were like, do I have, like, I don't know. It just like makes me laugh. I have a love hate. I have a real love, hate relationship with humidifiers.
Kate: I do too.
Doree: I love the moisture that they put into the air. I hate dealing with the filters, which are expensive. It's like printer ink. I hate cleaning humidifiers, which I feel like you have to do constantly. And it just like, it's like too, it's too much. So I actually, there is a humidifier in my room that I don't use because I just, like, I got so sick of just like maintaining it, rotating the filter every three days. And that, like, it was just like, oh my God. So, you know, I realize I sound a little like, you know, entitled, but I think, I think part of self care is also like, acknowledging your limitations.
Doree: And like, yeah, this humidifer was like, it was like too much. It was too much for me. And actually I bought this human fire because it was recommended by wire cutter
Kate: I have the same one!
Doree: So subsequently like months later there was like this huge thing on social media of all these people who were like, I bought this humidifier, it sucks. And like they were going into all the issues with this humidifier. And so I felt a little bit vindicated now. I know there's also like cool mist humidifier there's one, Henry has one in his room that, um, does not have a filter, but you know, it's still, you do have to clean it at least once a week. And also, uh, whatever. I won't go to the, the details of his humidifier, but like, this has been what has been like holding me back from you using a humidifier.
Kate: I, so I have the same issue where it's so dry in my house. There are days where I'm like, I should really drag that humidifier out of the closet, but I hate it so much. And it will irritate me so much to have to deal with it that I cannot bring myself to do it. So yes, there we are. How, what is, and now, you know, I've just Googled humidifiers and I have found clearly I've been targeted by something called canopy, which is quote, they claim the world's cleanest, humidifier. It looks like a disruptor humidifier, you know, like people in Silicon valley made this humidifier, but now I am of course curious. So if anyone has tried this canopy humidifier, and it really is life changing, let me know, because I really do want to moisten the air around me, but God it's annoying.
Doree: So there is a company called Levoit, um, that makes air purifiers and we have a couple of their air purifier. They also make humidifiers and I've been like intrigued by their humidifiers. Um, but like, I don't know, they require so much maintenance.
Kate: Yeah. Doree humidifiers are real catch 22. I don't quite, yeah. I don't know how to, how to move forward on this one. But if someone has an easy humidifier or Doree, if you wanna go in on inventing that with me, hit me up.
Doree: I mean, I think the problem is that anything that involves like a constant stream of water, like there's just water. There's like, you know, water is a problem, you know, mold wise. And it's just like when you're dealing with water sitting in, in something for a long time, it's just, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Well, let's, let's go from water, being a problem to water being the answer because a fellow bath taker has written in and they wanna offer some thoughts that really seem to kind of, um, align with what you felt. Okay, here we go.
Email: Kat and Dor,
Just took my first bath in, say, 10 years? It was a delight. Thanks for the nudge.
Thoughts and questions:
1) Wow, it really does wonders to make you sleepier. They say a bath is the only research-backed part of a baby’s nighttime routine that is proven to improve sleep outcomes. And I’m a believer! (Something about the drop in temperature after being in warm water helps us fall asleep?) I’m going to sleep like a baby tonight…. EXCEPT….
2) I was basically chugging water to counteract the steamy heat, and now I’m doomed wake up 3x tonight to pee. Do baths make you thirsty? Just me?
3) And finally, what are your thoughts on a pre-bath shower rinse off? Maybe it’s because I had a sweaty workout earlier, but I felt a small but powerful “ick” factor that I was marinating in my own filth. I think I’m going to take a quick shower first next time, but I don’t want to over-engineer the simple pleasure of a bath.
Okay, thanks and LYLAS!
Kate: okay. Do you take like a pre bath shower?
Doree: I do not.
Kate: I don't either. And I know the feeling of like, oh, I'm sitting in my own like waste, but this, it seems excessive to me. If it grosses you out then by all means rinse off as if you were getting into a public pool.
Doree: Yeah, totally. I will say I, when I do, when I take a bubble bath, I do a quick post bath, post bath rinse off to get all the, um, bubbles off me.
Kate: I've done a quick, like cool shower after a hot bath, just to kind of like, I don't know. Cool off. Cause sometimes you get out and you feel like a hot dog boiled. Yeah, totally. Uh, as for the peeing, that's a tricky one.
Kate: I don't have any suggestions other than don't drink all that water, but I'm also love hydration. So I wouldn't wanna stop you from drinking water.
Doree: Yeah. I do bring a water bottle in, um, to the bathroom when I take a bath last night. I didn't, I didn't take any sips of water. Um, I'm wondering how much water you're drinking that you, you worry that you would have to pee three times. Um, yeah.
Kate: And, and maybe report back because it seems like you hadn't experienced the pee, but this was like an ahead of time worry.
Doree: Yeah, totally.
Kate: I mean, I get ahead of time worrying. That's how I live my life. So I see you, uh, do right. Let's take another quick break and we'll be right back.
Doree: All right. We are back here is a question.
Text: Hi Kat and Dor! Longtime/first time. Love the pod! I'd love to hear you guys talk more about gaming (as in Nintendo/PlayStation/XBox/mobile) as self care. I'm an elder millennial and I've been playing since I was a child. I use different games for different emotional needs (relaxing, letting off steam, social). I would love to hear others experiences and recommendations too! And maybe you can have Felicia Day on the pod? My worlds would collide in the best way!
Doree: We can probably make Felicia day on the pod happen.
Kate: Yeah. I would love that.
Doree: I don't think that would be too hard.
Kate: We'll try to do that. But I, I, you know, I play Nintendo switch with my family. You know, we'll play like Mario cart or like one of the Mario world games. I'm like the worst at it. And they get mad at me the whole time, because I don't know how to use the little controller, but I don't game. Now. I would like to try gaming, but I want like a specific, like gentle I fantasy world building game. Does anyone have a record? Like Anthony plays games where he's like escaping from zombies with like a young child and they have to like get to the world health organ. Like he plays these, you know, assassins, creed, and he games he's into some games, but I don't think that would do it for me. Maybe I should try. I don't know. Doree, you have a gamer partner too. Do you ever game with him?
Doree: Um, we have tried to game together. The problem is that the games that I enjoy are like, like basically anything that looks like it's from the nineties. Um, and he's into those like, like first person shooter, even if it's not a shooter game. Um, but like, you know, he loves like a red dead redemption or, um, grand theft auto or, you know, games like that. Um, and I'm just like, not that into them. We were, yeah, actually this is reminding me that like for a while we were trying to play, um, we were trying to find games to play together and we would play the Indiana Jones. The Lego Indian Anna Jones game.
Kate: Yes, yes, yes, yes. My, my fam my husband and kids like Lego Batman.
Doree: Yes. So similar idea. I was playing animal crossing for a while and kind of like stopped. I think the thing about animal crossing that like ultimately made me lose interest was it was hard to like, see the, the overall point other than just sort of like building your world. I felt like I needed a quest, like a I'm with more sort of specific quest. Um, although it was very relaxing for a while. Look, I played best fiends on my phone. Yeah, you do a lot. And I find it relaxing. Um, so.
Kate: did, did you ever play King's quest? It was a video game that I loved on the computer when I was a kid. And if there was like the equivalent of that, but for today's gaming, like if I would love to hear if people game, because I don't know much about it. And if people have recommendations or if this is their self-care practice, please let us know. And also, is there a King's quest that is like made for modern times? Cause King's quest was a quest game, Doree. I actually think you would like it.
Doree: Yes. Well, I'm looking it up on Wikipedia. Um, it looks like the last real one came out in 1998 and then there was a re-imagining of it. Um, that came out in 2015. Um, so you might look into that.
Kate: Okay.
Doree: It looks like it was for the PlayStation and the Xbox there's PC.
Kate: Maybe there's something like this out there, like a gentle quest game where I don't have to use a gun. I hate gun games. For obvious reasons.
Doree: Yeah. Same. Um, well next question.
Kate: Okay.
Text: Extremely important butter question - do you leave your butter out on the counter in a butter dish? And does it go bad / have to be refrigerated??? I live in cold ass Canada and keep the house cold and this winter have had 2 sticks of butter go bad on my counter and completely ruined a batch of mashed potatoes and French toast. Literally revolting thinking about the smell and taste of rancid butter. We use it fairly often but I feel like it goes bad quickly and we should just keep it in the fridge but what's the deal?! And how do you use softened butter for recipes etc if it has to be in the fridge. I'm just butterly confused
Kate: Excellent word play. Butterly confused.
Doree: Very good. Very good.
Kate: That is like Doree level.
Doree: That is really good. That is really good.
Kate: Okay. I love this question because grow one of my best friends, still one of my best friends, Annie, her family kept the butter in a butter dish on the counter. And my family was a refrigerator, butter family. And it like blew my mind that the butter just lived out in the world. I didn't even know butter could go rancid. So I've always wanted to be a butter left out person, cuz it feels very like European, but I'm with, I don't want rancid butter.
Doree: No, no, no, no. Um, yeah, you know, you can get one of those little French butter crocks that you like put water in the bottom and then you keep your butter out. Um,
Kate: do you do that?
Doree: We have one. We don't use it anymore. Matt likes to just like leave butter out. I don't love leaving butter out for too long. Um, but he likes, you know, he likes his butter to be soft for easier spreading, which I get. Um, but yeah, I I'd love to hear some other people weigh in on this.
Kate: Yeah. Let's take an informal poll. Are you a butter in the fridge or butter out of the fridge person? And I think when you, when I, in my experience, when you have to soften butter for recipes, you just take it out ahead of time and let it soften to room.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: But it's annoying to have to remember. I hate, I never remember. And then I'm like, I guess I'm microwaving this and that, you know that's bad.
Doree: Yep, yep, yep. Yep. well, Kate,
Kate: I really enjoyed the many topics we covered today. Where else can you truly a pleasure? Where else can you talk about like global crises and also butter?
Doree: I mean, we contain multitudes.
Kate: We do. And we know you listeners do too. And we see you. Yep. Well thank you all so much for listening and we will talk to you uh, next week. Bye.