Episode 297: Less Really Is More with Mélia Mills
Kate and Doree chat about the trials and tribulations of warts, skin tags, and revisiting old hairstyles. Then, they talk to comedian/writer/performer Mélia Mills about creating a hit musical while also juggling parenthood, her philosophy about the many jobs she’s had, and maintaining confidence as a creative.
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Transcript
Kate: Hello and welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Kate Spencer.
Doree: And I am Doree Shafrir
Kate: And we are not experts.
Doree: We're not, we're two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.
Kate: Okay. I have something to throw at you, which I don't think we've ever talked about on the podcast.
Doree: Wow. Because we just recorded a casual chat that really went to a lot of places.
Kate: It went to a lot of places. If you are not a subscriber of our Patreon, we record a weekly casual chat where we go in with no plan and just talk and it's a lot of fun. But if you want to hear if unhinged is a word you want to say about something,
Doree: it's like every podcast digression
Kate: Times 10.
Doree: Yes. Anyway, sorry.
Kate: Anyway, just Google human dog beds if you want to preview about what we talked about. But yeah, I actually have something I need to bring up that I don't think we've ever talked about. And it does involve salicylic acid and it does involve skin, and that is warts.
Doree: Oh, okay.
Kate: Have we ever talked about warts on the podcast?
Doree: I don't think we have, but
Kate: How is that even possible? They're like the most basic skin issue ever.
Doree: Okay, let's hear it.
Kate: No, I just have a million plantar warts and I am now on a journey to getting rid of them.
Doree: I remember having a wart on my finger as a child and I just had to apply some.
Kate: Oh wait, so you've not, warts aren't a thing you deal with all the time?
Doree: No.
Kate: Oh, something's going on over here because I've got
Doree: Maybe you're like a cartoon crone.
Kate: Well, I mean, I am pretty close at this point. I've had warts before and I've had to go to the dermatologist and get them not burnt off, but whatever the thing is that they do that sizzles them off and it hurts so much. But now I have plantar warts on the bottom of my feet. They grow.
Doree: What does that mean?
Kate: They don't grow out, they grow in here. I'll tell you, they are caused by an infection with HPV in the outer layer of the skin on the soles of the feet. The warts develop when the virus enters through Tiny cuts. Breaks or weak spots on the bottom of the foot.
Doree: Oh, so it's a virus?
Kate: Yeah. I mean, aren't warts all viruses,
Doree: Aren't they? I have no idea.
Kate: Basically I am now salicylic acid. These, they're like flat warts. I don't know how to describe them. They don't stick out. They're like a hard, almost like a little callous.
Doree: Are they painful?
Kate: No, not at all.
Doree: Oh, okay.
Kate: I just was like, I should probably get rid of these and you can buy, you can now all the over the counter treatment is so effective.
Doree: Oh, Interesting.
Kate: Hold on, let me just make sure I get the name. Reward treatment over the counter. Yeah. They have plantar wart, removers, Dr. SHO's liquid plantar. Wart Remove. Just doing that,
Doree: I feel like that's what I used as a child. They probably won't send children into dermatologists. Have their warts burned off.
Kate: Well, I had to do that with one of my kids, so they do. Yeah. She had a huge wart on her hand and she had to get it. It's frozen, they freeze it off.
Doree: Did it hurt?
Kate: Yes. She hated it. It was awful. It was awful. And warts are very resilient. They're like the cockroaches of skin stuff,
Doree: You know? What else? Our skin tags.
Kate: I hate skin tags. I have so many.
Doree: I hate skin tags too.
Kate: And they have to get, the annoying thing about skin tags I have found when I go to the dermatologist is their removal isn't covered most of the time by insurance because they're not. My doctor will always be like, I'll just kind of say it was bothering you so we can get it covered.
Doree: Oh, interesting, interesting. And you know, get more when you get pregnant. Did you know this?
Kate: I didn't know that. Yeah,
Doree: Just another indignity we have to suffer through.
Kate: Well, I've got a weird thing going on, which is part of the reason I want to see a dermatologist and nobody be alarmed, but I got that chemical peel in my face a few months ago at a med spa, and one part of my nose has been red ever since.
Doree: Oh, interesting.
Kate: Kind of sensitive to the touch.
Doree: Oh, and you think it was the chemical peel?
Kate: I remember touching my nose when I had the skin coming off and I was like, oh wow. So I want to get that looked up by a dermatologist, but it also just made me rethink my Kate, anything for beauty? Do we really need to do this shit
Doree: Right
Kate: Now? You have a weird hurt spot on your nose.
Doree: Interesting.
Kate: Which I'm obviously getting checked out. Nobody worry. You know what I mean? Sometimes it's like
Doree: I do, I do know
Kate: what the fuck are we doing? Why are we doing this,
Doree: Kate? I don't know. I don't know. But we are,
Kate: but we are. Slow My role. Slow my role Kate?
Doree: Yeah. Why?
Kate: Why?
Doree: I don't know.
Kate: I mean, the eternal question, we can look into the systems, we can look into our own individual participation. We can examine vanity. Sometimes it's just you just do it.
Doree: I know. I Dunno. I know.
Kate: I mean, Do I even need to be removing the warts on my feet? Maybe not. Maybe you could just let the warts
Doree: Look. Well, this is what I'm just wondering. If it's not hurting you, Why?
Kate: Well, I don't know. Why do I want to get rid of warts? I'm not a doctor. I don't know. Just the thing I thought I was supposed to do.
Doree: Oh my gosh. Yeah, I hear you.
Kate: There's also, I will say Doree, something weirdly satisfying about wart removal similar to zip popping a little bit.
Doree: Oh, now we're getting somewhere.
Kate: There's a little skin pickiness that you get to kind of partake in. That's kind of that gross, satisfying ness. There's a little bit of that. There's a little bit of that.
Doree: Okay. Okay.
Kate: So just throwing that out there too. That's part of it.
Doree: Just throwing that out there.
Kate: That's part of it.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: Anything new with you?
Doree: Anything new with me
Kate: That's less disgusting than warts?
Doree: Right. Well, you know how, maybe you don't know this, but on my iPad, the widgets on the home screen, it will show me random photos from the past.
Kate: Oh no.
Doree: Does yours do that?
Kate: I have the thing where it changes it on my phone screen. I have it set to be a different photo every hour of my kids.
Doree: Anyway, it showed me a photo from, it's been a year into lockdown, and my hair was so long and I was like, oh, I kind of like it. Kind of like that long hair. And I was also like, holy shit. My hair was long. I don't think I had fully processed how long it was because it was just growing gradually. And then when I looked right,
Kate: we all had covid hair,
Doree: we all had Covid hair, and I was like, oh my God, it was so long. It was down to my chest.
Kate: I remember when your hair was that long. Yeah,
Doree: So I don't know. Maybe I'm going to grow my hair out.
Kate: Well, I just chopped my hair a few days ago.
Doree: It's cute.
Kate: Oh, thanks. It's now, now at the chin. I just figured I'm going to just chop it all off. And then
Doree: Did you dye it also?
Kate: Yeah, she does a base brown and then put a bunch of red highlights in.
Doree: I was going to say, it looks a little red.
Kate: It's very red. It's very red. My children were like, what the thick? I mean, they didn't say a swear word, but they were like, why do have red hair now?
Doree: I like it. Oh my God, I just noticed this. Yes, I see the little glint. Yeah, pretty.
Kate: Thank You. So pale that I think it works with my freckly. I think it works with my skin undertones and stuff, but it is reddish. It's very auburn. So yeah, feeling very spicy.
Doree: Okay,
Kate: Well, I support you growing your hair. Give it a go again. I mean, I also thought you looked great with bangs.
Doree: I liked bangs, but my lifestyle currently does not allow me, don't style my hair every day. And at least with my hair, to have bangs, you needed to really style your hair. And I sort of forgot that in the past because bangs in a Bob was kind of my and Anna Wintour's look. For a long time
Kate: I would say two peas in a pod. You and Anna Wintor
Doree: Two in a pod, yes. But that was also when I was showering, washing my hair every day, styling and blow drying my hair every day and styling my hair every day. And I just don't. Also, my hair texture has kind of changed, I think post-pregnancy and so it's not as straight anymore, which also kind of makes having bangs a little tougher. I dunno, honestly, I didn't have the energy. I also didn't have the energy to go back and get them trimmed, and I cannot trim my own bangs. I'm like, it's a disaster. So they were just.
Kate: The bang trim
Doree: They ere just more high maintenance than I was equipped for at this particular moment in my life.
Kate: I forgot that bangs require trimming.
Doree: Yes. And when I got my bangs cut, I was like, Ooh, I want cool Alexa Chung curtain bangs, which are cool, but they're also long. So within two weeks they were in my eyes and I was like, I need to get these trimmed every two weeks. That feels crazy. So
Kate: I think also one thing I always have to remind myself when I like a hairstyle on a celebrity is the amount of professional work that's going into making them look good all the time.
Doree: Especially If you're seeing it on a red carpet.
Kate: Oh, forget it. It's unattainable.
Doree: I mean, I still eventually want to get a really nice wig.
Kate: Oh yeah, I remember we talked about this,
Doree: But a good wig is quite expensive.
Kate: Yes, Yes.
Doree: So have to save up for that.
Kate: Put it on the bucket list. Okay. Just wig, aspirational spending list.
Doree: Climb Mount Everest, get wig.
Kate: Get a really good wig, but it's got to be a, I know what you mean. A good quality one. I'm with you. Would you ever do extensions again in your hair and then, sorry, then we can take a break. Talk to the guest.
Doree: They require a level of maintenance that and cost that I just don't feel like dealing with right now.
Kate: Totally.
Doree: So probably not Just being real.
Kate: I mean, great answer, Doree. We have a really wonderful guest today. We're talking to Melia Mills. She is fricking hilarious,
Doree: So funny.
Kate: She's in Oakland, California native. She is a graduate of UCLA and she's a writer, comedian, actress, and a rapper. She has done so much comedic work here in Los Angeles. The podcast, talk Like a Girl. As a standup, she has done work for Sasha Baron Cohen. She recently won a scholarship from the Hollywood Fringe Festival and performed her show, the Allure of Thug Life to numerous sold out audiences. It was named one of the top 10 shows to see at the Fringe by the LA Times. It's won a bunch of awards and Melia is also a mom pal of ours. So we were very excited to get to talk to her about everything from balancing work, maintaining confidence as a creative, her numerously, wild, odd jobs. She's had a fascinating career. We got into everything. We're going to take a quick break and come back with Melia. But before we do friendly reminder that you can visit our website forever35podcast.com for links to everything we mentioned here. Our Instagram is @Forever35podcast. If you want to check out that casual chat we mentioned where we talk about human dog beds and all the other stuff we offer as bonus content on Patreon. You can find that at patreon.com/Forever35. You can find our favorite products at shopmy.us/forever35, and please talk to us about warts and anything else you want to talk to us about by leaving us a voicemail or sending us a text message at 7 8 1 5 9 1 0 3 9 0. You can also email us at Forever35podcast@gmail.com. We'll be right back and we'll be back with Melia Melia. Welcome to Forever35. We are very excited to have you here because we all know each other through, I mean through a few roots, but one main way we all know each other is through a Facebook mom group. And so it's always exciting to have other parents on the podcast, especially I think when we have shared some of the vulnerable moments of our lives together via screens. So before we get into it, we like to ask every guest on our show to share something that they consider a self-care practice in their life, which can really look like anything. So let's start there. Do you have something that you consider self-care for you?
Melia: Amazon.
Kate: Oh, okay. Let's get into, okay. Are you a prime member?
Melia: I am. Very much so. Yeah.
Kate: Now is Amazon your self-care in terms of just shopping, scrolling the way it can come so fast or that sounded inappropriate, but you know what I mean?
Melia: I love it. Come quickly just shopping. It's like how could we live without it? I know we should want to live without it, but once we've gone here, we can't go back. The pandemic got me into it in a major way, and I hadn't figured out how to get rid of the boxes. So the whole backside of our house was lined with boxes. I had to have somebody come and take them away because we had so many
Kate: A professional
Melia: Hauler.
Kate: Thats Commitment.
Melia: Yes. My kid was a newborn at the time. I was just like, I'm just maintaining. Go ahead.
Kate: Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt, but did you have your kid in the pandemic?
Melia: I had her 2019.
Kate: Okay, got it. So you had a baby. You had a real baby just crawling around,
Melia: a real baby crawling around two days before the pandemic hit, I was taking her to be interviewed for a school, and then she ended up sleeping through her nap, which she normally doesn't do. And I was like, oh, I want her to be up. I mean, sleeping through her nap. Does that even make sense? No, she didn't. She ended.
Doree: I knew what you meant.
Melia: This is four hours of sleep because I still haven't slept since she's been bored. I feel you. So yeah, she normally would nap noon to two and she fell asleep at 1130 and I was like, oh, I don't want to bring her now. I want have her experience the school and see if this is a place she wants to be. And then so I canceled and then two days later, so she was with me the entire two years.
Kate: And then what's kind of amazing to me, were you developing your one woman show at the same time?
Melia: Not fully. I can't say I just had thoughts percolating, but it wasn't on the grind where like 20, 22, I was like 20, 23, this is going to get up and running. So once I got her into school, then I felt like now I can focus on this.
Doree: For those of us such as myself who are not familiar with how a one woman show is developed, can you just kind of walk me through the process of that? Are you just jotting down ideas and how does it work?
Melia: I'm jotting down ideas. Something kind of comes to you that then keeps saying, I need to be made, I need to be made. And you're like, oh. And then sometimes you're like, just leave me alone. I want to do a few things. I don't want to do this. Yeah, I'm going to rest.
Doree: Oh my God.
Melia: And so it's coming to you. So then I would say, oh, I need to get in a class because that'll give me the structure to get this done. Or I need something that gives me a deadline to get this done, or I need a group. Yes. So all those things I would have stops and starts and then I workshopped a half hour of it and people were like, oh, this is so good. It should be a TV show. We can't wait to see what you do when you make it longer. And then I'm a perfectionist. So then I went into like, oh, I have to do more and I have to make it longer and dah, dah, dah. Just so much pressure on myself about getting it done. And then it was like, oh, it has to be perfect. And then I got to, no, it doesn't have to be perfect. It just needs to get up because no matter, I'm sure Lynn, Manuel Miranda at the end is still like, I could have done this in Hamilton, or I shoulda changed this.
Kate: Yes, I need to hear this, that the final piece doesn't need to be perfect because the final creative work is essentially permanent. I'm thinking about this as a writer, but there's no such thing. There's no such thing that is very inspiring that you let go of that I let go because that's really hard.
Melia: I let go. And so I put it up at the Hollywood Fringe Festival because it has to be only an hour. And I was like, I need that because it feels like, oh, this could be two hours, or this could be whatever. And it's like, oh, let me have an hour. And then you can always add more to it. But just having a tight hour that you could take anywhere, any place you could do an hour. So yes, and originally it had some music in it, but it wasn't really, it was a comedy, but it wasn't really a musical. And then I decided to make it more musical and put 10 songs in it. And I played 10 different characters. And just the writing, the writing was the hard part. And then I'm like, I can get up and perform this, but let me get this writing done.
Kate: And how autobiographical is the show? Is it based exactly on your own life experiences or kind of drawn from it?
Melia: It's Semi autobiographical. Yeah. So things are heightened.
Kate: Can you tell our listeners? Can you tell our listeners what it's about?
Melia: Yes. So my solo show is called The Allure of Thug Life, and it's about me as a teenager who's from an upper middle class family who belongs to be a gangster rapper. She's trying to go richest to rags,
Kate: Richest to rags.
Melia: And along the way she encounters bullying and boyfriends and bullets and it's a musical.
Kate: Okay. Again, I need to reiterate that I'm dying to see this show, and I'm very excited in the hoping that it will come back to the Los Angeles area. Yes.
Doree: Yes. Same.
Kate: I know you just did a massive run in Oakland in your hometown. Yeah,
Melia: The Bay Area, the Marsh and Berkeley, which they're five minutes apart. So it's right across from uc, Berkeley. And I did a run from October through November, and then it was getting standing ovations and selling out. So they asked to extend it. So I extended it through December and they're like, when are you coming back? So I just talked to the founder yesterday and she was saying, oh, I said, maybe I'll bring it back in the fall because I think I maybe want to add a couple more songs too.
Kate: Can I touch on this? Because you bring up the high or the best part of something like this, and I think we're creative. So I'm thinking of it from a creative point of view, but it could be anything professional. You're having the peak experience of professional work. But I was listening to you on another podcast describing your very long, arduous career journey and the variety of jobs that you've had. And I think oftentimes when people hear or just see the accolades, it's hard to understand the years that came before and how that is the foundation for where you are now. And so I would love to just kind of hear about what that experience, what has been your path leading up to this moment as both a performer and also just a person in the working world?
Melia: So in high school, I was in plays and I got a scholarship to be in the Oregon Shakespeare Festival. I was the only African-American female chosen from across America.
Kate: What?
Melia: Yes. And so that was pretty cool. And then I went to UCLA and majored in theater and did my junior year at Howard University and was directed by Al Freeman Jr. Who was Elijah Muhammad and Malcolm X in a short film that he did, which was amazing. And then I came back, graduated from UCLA, and then I started kind of pounding the pavement, getting an agent, getting the head shots, all that, and tons of regular ash jobs. So gosh, I've done everything. You may have heard that I've cleaned urinals as a job. I worked for Judge Judy and Judge Joe Brown. I worked for Cash Money as a stylist, cash money records, little Wayne and everybody.
Kate: This is my favorite journey from You've been with the judges, you've been a cash, that is a lot. It requires a lot of various skills. And also ural cleaning. Cleaning is such a skill. All these things.
Melia: I know pubes, lots of pubes, pubes. The reflex is always like I know, I know. But yeah, I don't think that any job is beneath me is basically what it's, so anything that's leading to where I need to get anything that was help paying the bills I was down to do as long as it fits in with my morals and values, but yeah. Yeah. I'm even trying to think. There've been so many jobs. Oh, I worked at BET, I was a talent manager for BET, so booking actors and actresses and musical guests for the show, and then tons of celebs came through there. I'm always like, I should probably write a book about this, because this isn't everybody's journey. You just think, oh, everybody's got to doing these jobs.
Kate: Everybody's a judge, Judy. Yeah. No, we're not.
Doree: I feel like this is something that I think about sometimes as someone in a creative industry. But do you feel, when do you feel like you've made it? And is there something that you had when you were graduating from college that was in your head of like, I will have made it when I do X? And has that changed? How do you feel now?
Melia: Yeah, I mean, I've always been like, I'll have made it when I have an ego, because who doesn't?
Doree: I mean, that's a good goal.
Kate: No small feat.
Melia: But I do feel doing this one moment show feels like it for me, absolutely feels like it. I'm so proud of it. It was received the way I had hoped it would be received. And when I think about it and the responses I've gotten, it warms me up and fills me up inside. So I'm so happy that I saw it through and I didn't let it just languish somewhere and never, it feels like I was true to myself and true to my desire, and I fulfilled a dream. That's how I feel.
Kate: Do you feel like a connection to, in a way, to your teenage self through the show?
Melia: Absolutely.
Kate: Since there are bits and pieces of your real life experience in there.
Melia: Absolutely. And so many people from high school came to see my child. Oh, wow. And it deals with bullying, and some bullies came, they came. They came and they said things about me and my show called me. Brilliant. So that was just like, that may even be better than doing this show. Right.
Kate: Wow. Yeah. That's healing.
Melia: Wow. It was very healing. And to do that with all the people who knew different parts of the experience and lived it with me and could relive those moments, and they just said, oh, it was so fun. Such a great journey back to that time. So yeah.
Kate: Can I ask about specifically the relationship to music and hip hop? Because my very limited knowledge of hip hop is that Oakland has its own unique hip hop scene that's so specific. I dated someone who was very into Oakland hip hop when I was in college, and I would love to know about what your relationship is to music, what it meant to you growing up, what it means to you now. And I'm assuming it's maybe specifically the Oakland hip hop scene, but maybe it's broader. I just would love to kind of dig into that a little bit.
Melia: Yeah, it's definitely broader. I mean, as a kid, I was taking classical piano lessons, and then I decided to quit after eight years because I wanted fake French tip fingernails,
Doree: Obviously.
Kate: Oh my gosh. You become a teen and you're like, these are the priorities.
Melia: And you could either play piano or have the nails. So had to make a choice.
Doree: Exactly.
Melia: And so of course then I was like, oh, wow, I could have been Alicia Keys, but I've
Doree: The Super Bowl. Oh my God.
Melia: So yeah, I just absorbed all the hip hop. I would go get music that I wasn't supposed to listen to, listening to ice tea, and it just felt like you were being a bad girl to me. But at the same time, although there's misogyny and everything and some of the lyrics that I also felt empowered in it, and I felt like they're not talking about me, they're talking about these other chicks. But I think it just gives you bravado. And I love New York rap. I love LA Rap. I love Southern rap. I love all rap and hip hop. I just love the culture and I love the effect it has on all other races.
Kate: Yeah. Well, I mean, it's essentially the driving force of culture,
Melia: right? It is
Kate: for all of us.
Melia: It is. Yeah. Yeah.
Doree: And Oh, sorry. Go ahead, Kate.
Kate: No, you go. You go.
Doree: Okay. I was just wondering, we talked about you having a small child when the pandemic started. I think our kids are right around the same age. I'm wondering also as a mom, how being a mom is brought to bear on the creative work that you do.
Melia: I think it has been a driving force for me. I put off having kids because I was like, oh, I got to wait on this. I got to make my career happen first. You can't have a career and have a kid. So I waited, waited, waited, and then I was like, okay, I'm going to do it now. And I'm like, I should have done this sooner because the urgency and the wanting to make her proud of me and wanting to leave a legacy will have me getting up at three in the morning to write. Whereas before, I'm like, oh, I could sleep in and get to that tomorrow. I can procrast today.
Doree: Oh, that's So interesting.
Melia: Yeah. Yeah. It created an urgency in me that I've never felt before.
Doree: Wow. And what about the content of your work in terms of being a mom?
Melia: Maybe can 5-year-old see it? Oh, No.
Doree: I mean, I'm just wondering how the experience of parenthood does that get expressed in your work and how you kind of think about it?
Melia: Well, not so much in this. Well, I can say a little bit in this show because the show is largely about my dad and the wonderful relationship we share. And so parenting is involved in that very much. And he was at every show and loved everybody coming up to him, telling him he is great.
Doree: Of course. I mean, wow. Yeah.
Melia: So that does factor in. And the project that I'm working on going forward deals more with my relationship with my daughter.
Doree: Oh, okay. So we're just going to take a short break and we will be right back.
Kate: Did you feel like writing the allure of Thug life and writing your dad in as a character in that relationship, because you play your dad through parts of the show, right?
Melia: I do.
Kate: Did you have a different perspective because you were a parent? Were you able to start to see these moments in a different way, or maybe it gave you more empathy for what he had experienced as a father?
Melia: Absolutely. I'm like, yeah, poor dad. I'm sorry. I put you through the things.
Doree: Oh my God.
Melia: And I still tell him stories to this day where he is like, I didn't know that. Or I don't want to know that story, or Oh, you do that. You're still stressing me out.
Doree: Yeah,
Kate: I'm dreading that side of things because I did so much. I was a pretty reasonable kid, and I did so much dumb shit that I didn't, that my parents never knew about. And obviously my kids are going to do the same, obviously.
Melia: I think that's part of it
Kate: Yes, yes. I don't want that to happen, but I think that's part of the journey. But oh, it gives me the shivers just thinking about it.
Melia: I know, I know. Well, and she's already so feisty. She just turned five, so I call her Fivey now. She was tornado before tornado. She's so feisty and she's so smart. I'm just like, what am I going to do?
Doree: Right?
Melia: I'm like, you're already smarter than I'm, so what am I in for?
Kate: I know. Your tales of your daughter always really make me chuckle.
Doree: She's got a real personality. Yeah,
Melia: I'm saying. I mean, yeah, the other day when I was like, oh, is that a full moon? And she was like, yeah, it's full. Somebody fed it. And I was like, I've never even thought of the moon being full in that way. Full real.
Doree: Oh my God, that's so funny.
Kate: That's so funny. So basically, she's also an astute observer of the world, basically, and seeing things from new perspectives.
Melia: Oh, yes.
Kate: I wanted to just circle back to what you were saying about the urgency feeling, because I had my kids really young, and I remember feeling this, the duality of, and the reason I had kids when not really young, actually scratch that. I was 31. That's not really young.
Melia: You're like, I was 17.
Kate: Yeah, I know. I made it sound like I was 20 years old. No, but young for me. And I remember that feeling like there is an urgency to all of it, and there there's no solution. And I mean, we're not supported systemically in any of this at all. There's kind of this battling feeling between, I think all these avenues of life that I personally still find really hard to balance, and I don't think I have balanced them. And I don't know if that's been your experience, but I would love to dig in a little bit more to what that's been like for you, navigating those things.
Melia: Yeah. I definitely feel like you can't have it all at the same time. That's impossible. And you just have to do everything tired. I was always waiting to get enough energy, and it's like, no, that's not going to come for that nine week run. I got on a plane every Saturday morning at 8:00 AM flew there, did the show, flew back Sunday morning so that then I could be with her all day Sunday. I was just like, sometimes I'd be snoring on the couch, but I'm here. So yeah, I just think that you have to take pockets. It's like, this is my pocket now where I get my time and I need support in this, and now is my husband's pocket, and we'll support you during this time, but it's a trade off and you have to make the rules for what your relationship is. I remember my mom and dad, my mom would sometimes be the one working. My dad would sometimes be the one working and they just supported each other. You got to have the partner that can do that dance with you. But yeah, you're always going to feel overwhelmed. I find myself a lot of times going, I'm so overwhelmed and Oh, I just finished this task and now I have to do the dishes, and now here's some clothes and did not just wash clothes. They're piling up again.
Kate: Yeah. The constant overwhelm is, it's a real fucking drag.
Melia: It's a real fucking drag. Pardon my language. Oh, I just want to feel joy this whole day. I want to feel joy. I don't want to feel like there's something on my to-do list. Can I have a day filled with joy?
Kate: You able to? Do you make joy for yourself? Are you able to tap into that amongst the overwhelm?
Melia: Well, coming to talk to you guys today, I was like, because I always want to take a bath, but I just take showers all the time because I get my daughter bath, and I'm like, I don't want to wash the tub out twice. I just want to wash it into one person. I don't want to do it again. I don't have the energy for it. So Saturday, my husband took my daughter, and then I said, you know what? I'm going to put my bath pillow that I haven't used since before she was born on the back of this tub, and I'm going to put some Epsom salts in here, salt, and I'm just going to enjoy myself. And I was like, I haven't done this, and their podcast is making me take care of myself.
Kate: I'm really glad. I love this. We haven't taken baths, but I love that that got you there.
Melia: Yes.
Kate: I also love that you've had that pillow for four years. Just sitting there,
Doree: just sitting there
Kate: Waiting for its time to shine.
Doree: It's like, remember me?
Kate: But truly a bath feels, it is such a luxury of such a luxury. Many levels. The time, like you said, the preparation, the wiping, the hairs out the tub,
Melia: All that I know,
Kate: But was it worth it? Was it worth it?
Melia: It was so worth it. And last year I went for a spa day on my birthday, and I got this honey body bliss massage. It was the worst fucking thing ever.
Kate: Oh, no.
Melia: They had some salt scrub that felt like I was being tortured, and then the woman put on rubber boots and sprayed me down with a hose. This is abusive.
Kate: It didn't relax. It didn't relax.
Melia: I was clenching my butt cheeks.
Kate: Yep. I've had a couple of spot treatments where you kind of get hosed down, and there are moments where you're very cold, and I find you're very smooth and soft after, but you're not that kind like, ah, my body's jello feeling at all. You've worked, you've worked hard,
Melia: you've worked hard.
Kate: Where do you see yourself professionally? Creatively? You said you're working on something else also. How do you make that switch from doing the completed thing to then starting back at Zero?
Melia: I know ground zero. I'm being gentle with myself and just kind of putting all the notes in my phone, so anything that comes to me, put it in there, put it in there. But I'm not like, this has to get done by this time because I do feel like I want the Laura Thug life to have a full life. I'd love for it to be a Netflix special, or I'd love for it to be on Broadway. I want it to have its full, complete life. It's not just because if people see it, then they're like, oh, I've seen it. What's coming next? And you're like, no, I've put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into this, so it needs to
Kate: Nothing
Melia: Do more things. Right. So yeah, I'm just slowly moving with that, and I kind of feel like I have the template now after doing, or the blueprint after doing the lore of thug life that I'll kind of use for this as well. So it was getting over that, that was a big hurdle and got over that. Yeah.
Kate: So do you have moments of self doubt or, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Just making sure.
Melia: Yeah, all the time. And another thing that motivated me in my bathroom, so I got an anklet from Melody Ani. She owns her own business, clothing, jewelry. She's married to flea from Red Eye Chili peppers. And so I got her anklet and just it came to be, and inside the box, I opened it up and it said, we see you. What did it say? We see you stop waiting to be who you already are. We see you. Stop waiting to be who you already are. And that gave me chills, and I taped it up next to my mirror. Mirror. And so every day I would see that, and it was pushing me to get the allure done.
Kate: Wow.
Melia: Yeah. Yeah, because it's beautiful. We see you. You can't freaking hide. We know that You got it. Make it happen. And then I happened to see her at Netflix is a joke the day that Chappelle got rushed on stage. But I saw her and then I showed her my anklet because I had just got it and it was on, and then I was like, oh, that's like a sign. I see her.
Kate: I ask us kind of a superficial question before we kind of wrap things up, which is I was perusing your Instagram and was very obsessed with your entire look for the 2024 Emmys.
Melia: Thank you.
Kate: The whole show, the dress is fricking amazing, everything, and I love going out and having a glam night because the truth is 99% of the time we're all in sweatpants. I'm assuming a royal,
Melia: I have an noisy Shirt right now.
Kate: Yeah, yeah. Truly. I'm in Crocs as we speak. But what was your glam preparation for the Emmy's? Was there anything you did that you were like, Ooh, this is the secret to getting glammed?
Melia: Oh, Well, I went to a place that recycles clothing, so my dress was rented, yes,
Kate: Is a rented, that dress is stunning.
Melia: Rented dress. That was the first dress they brought to me. So they picked out some selections of dresses, and then the woman who was over it used to work at Vogue or something, she has a place here and a place in New York, and she walked in and she said, this just came in. This is your dress. I said, oh, I don't know. I need to try some other things on first. And she's like, okay. Then I tried some others on it. She was like, oh, it's going to be hard to choose. She was like, but I think that's the dress. And then I said, I think you're right. And then I said, how did you know? And she said, there are different people who come in here, but you came in with a Keith Herring sweatshirt. It just seemed like you could pull it off. So I was like, let me have her do this. And my husband was like, perfect. It's elegant and sexy. My mom was not pleased. She wanted me to be Jessica Rabbit boobs out. Even after I wore that, people loved it. She was just like, no, you shoulda worn the Jessica Rabbit. You were covering too much.
Doree: That's so funny.
Melia: Yes. So she still wanted
Kate: More boob.
Doree: Amazing.
Melia: But I loved it and was just like, and I think it's such a great idea and concept because we don't need all these extra clothes, and once you wear it for an event like that, you can't wear it again. So I felt it was like my first opportunity like that, and I felt so pampered because with the rental, you also get, they do earrings, shoes, purse, necklace. Now I switched out and did my own shoes because their shoes I felt were a little too much in competition with the dress. But to have all that as part of the package, it felt like, Ooh, I feel like Cinderella for a day.
Kate: Your shoes were amazing. You did a great job styling your shoes.
Melia: Just say, thank Ross Honey Ross.
Kate: Ross. Dress for less.
Melia: They were like under 40 bucks. Okay.
Kate: Yes. Okay. Everybody go to Melia Mills on Instagram and just you can see the full look, but you can see the Ross shoes. I love a Ross. Okay,
Melia: Don't you?
Kate: Yes, I do. There's one near me and I do love a stroll through the Ross.
Melia: Yes.
Kate: And did you do your own makeup and hair, or was that somebody else as well?
Melia: No, I went to my regular hairdresser and she did my hair. And then my husband's cousin does makeup and she did my makeup.
Doree: Oh, very cool.
Melia: Yeah, we rented a little Airbnb and had people come over and hung out before went, yeah, it was like prom.
Kate: Prom. Oh,
Doree: I love that.
Kate: A good day.
Doree: Malia, before we wrap up, we always like to ask people about their skincare routines. So is there something that you want to share? Any particular products that you're loving right now?
Melia: I'm loving Vaseline.
Doree: Yes. Oh, you're speaking Kate's language.
Kate: The greatest product ever. Fricking made. Yes.
Melia: I'm hoping to learn from you guys because I'm so low maintenance. I saw the questionnaire about sheet mask or serums, and I'm like serums, I guess I wash them. Def Soap or Zema. I use Burt Bees Little Cream. And then at night I do the same wash and Vaseline eyes, all that, because that's what grandma who looked great for her whole life, and mom used. So yeah. And then I'm just like cocoa butter lotion. So I'm so basic, guys.
Kate: No, I think that's, first of all, I love it. I truly think Doree and I both had the same experience after doing the show for so long that you realize you don't really need to actually do much.
Doree: That a lot of times less really is more.
Melia: And they get us because there's so many products, but they're all so expensive. And then I'm like, well, I see some people and they're using so many things and their face doesn't look good.
Doree: Yeah, yeah.
Melia: But I'm sure there are magical things out there. I don't know what they are yet. I'm so basic guys.
Kate: No, no. Can I ask about Nozema? Because I bought some recently. We did a whole podcast episode about Noma, and I was fascinated to see that it still has a hold in culture. Have you been using that since you were a teenager? Is that something you've come to recently? No. Are you a Noma loyalist?
Melia: I mean, all growing up, I was a Noxzema loyalist, probably junior high, high school, and then I stopped and just dove all the time. And then I rediscovered it last year, and I'm like, oh, this helps remove makeup so much better. And I like the smell. It feels like, oh, this medicinal is doing something for my pores.
Kate: You got the tingle
Melia: yea, I need the tingle.
Kate: Yep. Oh, well, that seems like a perfect note to end on. I need the tingle. Need the tingle. The tingle. I love that.
Doree: Oh, go ahead, Kate. Oh, go ahead.
Kate: No, Doree, I'm sorry. I keep talking over you. I was just going to say, Melia, where can our listeners follow you and find more out about your work, especially if they can see you perform live?
Melia: Yes. So meliamills.com has information about my show, has upcoming shows, has past reviews, et cetera. And then on Instagram, I'm @MeliaMills, M-E-L-I-A, M-I-L-L-S. And I think I'm on the TikTok, but I'm not posting dance routines all the time.
Kate: Well, this has been such a delight to get to talk to you. Thank you so much. Thank you. coming on the podcast.
Melia: Thank you for having me, ladies.
Kate: Well, Dory.
Doree: Yes, Kate.
Kate: I set an intention, which was to clean the corner of my room, and I did it. There's one tiny pile that I haven't found a home for. It contains things like a phone case that I bought, and then I decided not to use, and I want to give away my buy nothing group, but I haven't done that yet. It has stuff like that. Those things. It's got one of those things, one disinfecting wipe that I should just put in a bag, but I was just sitting there, but it feels good to have the corner cleaned. But now I realize I need to clean out our drawers of expired medicine.
Doree: Oh, yes, yes. We talked about this and I reminded you to look at your dogs.
Kate: Oh my God, yes. Okay, so wait, so my intention last week, sorry, I fucked this up of what I wrote here. My intention last week was to clean the expired medicine in my house. Yes, you told me to clean my dog's medication, clean, I mean, toss, check the expiration, date and toss. I haven't touched this yet. Part of it is because there are so many spots in my house with medication, maybe I need to consolidate medication areas. So I've got my work cut out for me. And I should probably also do this in my kitchen cabinets. I did use a tomato paste that was two years old yesterday, and it was fine.
Doree: Was it opened?
Kate: No, no, no, no. It wasn't open, but it was like, I need a tomato paste for this recipe. And then I looked down, it was like 2022, and I was like, well, shrug, it's fine. And nobody got food poison. I think it's fine. So I kind of want to bump this expired medication one to this week. Again, that kind of feels like a cop out, but I really do want to commit to doing this. I feel like this is also an important one because I often only notice when my medication's expired when I go to grab it because someone needs it. So I'm going to redo my last week contention. I'm going to not just go through my expired medication, but I'm also going to try to consolidate where medicine lives in my house. Oh, I have it on the highest shelf in the kitchen, and then on the highest shelf in the hall cabinet. And then in my medicine cabinet, there's a few, it's too many places.
Doree: Okay. Interesting. Interesting.
Kate: Too many places. How about you? What's happening this week for you?
Doree: Well, Kate, last week I talked about how I had had a conversation with my sister-in-Law who gave me some tough love
Kate: About cleaning up your house,
Doree: about cleaning up my house.
Kate: And you know what? It is weird. I woke up this morning thinking about this. I almost texted you and was like, did you? I completely forgot about this, but I woke up and I was like, I wonder if I'm just remembering what Alison told Dory.
Doree: Yeah. I have not done it. Another theme on excellent adventure has been how I don't want to have people to our house because it's so messy. And we've gotten a few emails over there being like, just have people over. So I think my goal, my intention this week is to invite some people over, whether it's a play date for Henry, whether it's my friends, whether it's who knows, but to have people who don't live here come into my home, who are not Henry's nanny or Bose dog walker.
Kate: Here's a question for you.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: I grew up with a mom who always apologized when people came over our house. She would do a lot of excuse the mess, even though it was barely messy. And so now I find myself doing a lot of that, of apologizing for the messes. And I've been trying to push myself not to do that. And I find it nauseatingly hard. Is that something that you feel like you would do or you could also implement? Or is that too much? If you'll,
Doree: Could I implement not apologizing for the mess?
Kate: Are you a person who apologizes for the mess? Do you feel like,
Doree: I mean, I obviously feel crippling shame over the mess, so Yes. Yes, totally. Our house was not like pin drop neat growing up,
Kate: but normal,
Doree: I don't remember my mom apologizing for the mess. That doesn't ping for me. But it also didn't, that wasn't,
Kate: Wasnt a practice you learned as a child.
Doree: No, But our house wasn't, like my dad's office was always very cluttered, but I don't remember the house itself being super messy really. But Henry did have a play date a few weeks ago at someone's house, and their house was, it wasn't dirty, but it was cluttered. There were piles were things, and I was like, oh, yeah. I do have a few friends whose houses are like, they have kids and their houses are very neat. And I think I've been subconsciously comparing myself to them. I also feel like they're minimalists. You know what I mean? They just have less stuff and are better at having less stuff. And that is just not, I don't think that's going to be possible. So yeah,
Kate: Embrace your Maximalist side.
Doree: I wish I could call it Maximalist. I feel like Max Maxist Maximalist. Well, Maxim Maximalist, I feel like is a,
Kate: I know. It's like a design choice.
Doree: A design choice that I don't feel is applicable here.
Kate: But I know what you mean though. I know. It's like, yeah, I know what you mean.
Doree: So, all right. Well, Kate, on that note, Forever35 is hosted and produced by me, Doree Shafrir and you, Kate Spencer, produced and edited by Sam Junio. Sami Reed is our project manager, and our network partner is Acast. Thanks everyone for listening. Bye.
Kate: Bye.