Episode 249: 2022: A Year In Review
Kate and Doree reflect on the year that was, and some of their pod favorite moments from 2022.
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Transcript
Kate: Hello and welcome to Forever35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I am Kate Spencer.
Doree: And I am Doree Shafrir.
Kate: And we are not experts.
Doree: No. But we're two friends who like to talk a lot about serums.
Kate: Friendly reminder. You can visit our website Forever35podcast. For links to everything we mentioned here, we're on Instagram @Forever35podcast. You can find the Forever35 Facebook group on Facebook where the password is serums. You can shop our favorite products shopmy.us/forever35, and you can sign up for the Forever35 newsletter, which will be back in the new year at Forever35podcast.com/newsletter.
Doree: And you can call or text us at (781) 591-0390, and you can email us at forever35podcast@gmail.com. And just a quick bit of business. This is our last kind of new recorded episode of the year. We're going to be running some reruns of some of our favorite episodes from Friday through the end of the year, and we will be back with another new episode on January 2nd.
Kate: Cannot wait to see you all in 2023. What the heck can you believe we're in 2023 almost?
Doree: Honestly. No, I can't believe that the year 2000 was 23 years ago.
Kate: Oh my goodness. When you put it that way, when you put it that way, I don't you feel very uncomfortable. That makes me squirm.
Doree: Well, I mean,
Kate: my goodness,
Doree: it's been another year of doing this podcast,
Kate: Making memories through the microphone.
Doree: How do you feel about this year, Kate, podcast wise?
Kate: Wow. What a good question. I think I actually texted you recently and I said, you know what? I'm really proud of the work we do. I just had this moment, I think it was after we had em, had interviewed Paulina Porizkova, and she had been really kind after the interview and expressed gratitude for our questions and the conversation. And I was like, you know what? I'm really, I am proud of this thing that we've made and the work that we do and the work we put into it. And I felt really proud. I think it's like anytime you do something for a long time, you can start operating in a vacuum, which I think happens to all of us. You just go through the motions. And so it's been nice at the end of this year to really take a step back and reflect on the work that we do together.
Doree: And you know. Oh, yes, Kate?
Kate: No, go ahead. Go ahead.
Doree: No, I was just going to say, we're getting to the point in our podcast where whenever someone asks me about the show and they're like, oh, you've been doing it for five years. They're always, I feel like they wanna know if you and I actually get along.
Kate: Wait, did someone say this to you recently?
Doree: I feel like that is always sort of a question. Oh, you two, you're still friends.
Kate: Someone said this to me recently, which was, people have asked me if you two really like each other. And I was like, what? Is it not obvious that we're really, really close friends?
Doree: Wow. Well, I think because a lot of times friendships that turn into some kind of business partnership do go south or people have to work on them. The hosts of Call Your Girlfriend very publicly went to therapy together, which I think also the hosts of My Favorite Murder did. Oh yeah,
Kate: Maybe we should do that.
Doree: And I think there have been other, the Call Your Daddy hosts had a very public breakup, and I do think that there is a precedent for these friendships to splinter after you've been doing a podcast for a while, which is sad. And I also think people want drama.
Kate: I mean, this point, you're basically a sister to me. I feel like I could text you a picture of my poops and be like, look at this. And you wouldn't be too upset. I mean, you would be horrified, but in a loving way. Yeah. I, I will say, i would rather, if I had to choose between the podcast and our friendship, I would choose our friendship. Do you know what I mean? If the podcast was crumbling or if it was like, we can only save one in this imaginary dumpster fire, I would choose our friendship. The podcast is fleeting. I mean, we love doing it. I didn't mean to go off on this tangent. Sorry. I'm now philosophical. But yeah, you and I are good friends. IRL and IR Pod.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: Yeah, totally. This is what you hear here is similar to what you get in our dms or our text messages.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: Weird. How have we made it this far though? I will say we've made it five years. That's a long time.
Doree: That is a long time. And I feel like I've said this before, but I do partly credit it one to our age. We're a little older now, and I do think Wiser. And we've both worked at places that were kind of toxic, and I think we're just bringing a different energy to our partnership than a lot of the places where we've worked. And we know which battles to fight with each other. And in that sense, my threshold for that is extremely high. Not that, and there aren't even that many instances where we even disagree, but it's times when we do, I've really had to be like, do I actually care about this? Or is that a, Kate seems like she cares about this more than I care about this. You know? What mean?
Kate: Is that a practice that you've put into your own life? Do you feel like you noticed that happening in other interactions with other people?
Doree: That is a really good question. Having a healthy professional relationship just makes so many things just so much, much better. Think how much energy having a toxic workplace takes up in your brain.
Kate: Oh, I've been in them, and yeah,
Doree: We all have. And Im sure Sure. People listening are currently there now.
Kate: Yeah, I know. I'm so grateful that we get to do this in a way that feels healthy and productive and still does after all this time. Because when we started this podcast, we didn't have any expectations. It wasn't like we had a five year plan for this show. It was really like lol, let's get together every week and talk about how we shower. So here we are.
Doree: But here this year,
Kate: It's interesting because as we go into 2023, we will have been doing this show longer apart because of Covid than together in person, which is so strange because, and I think we can talk more about this as we get into our five year and review episode or conversation that we're going to be having down the road. But it's funny, we used to see each other two times a week minimum and record in person. And Sammy would be there to record with us. And we have now have such a good system doing it separately. I mean, we're still on video chat right now, but it's just kind of fun. It's just different how Covid really has changed everything on a cellular level straight into. How we make the show. But it also allows us opportunity to talk to more people around the world, which has been amazing.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: And totally. I mean, we've talked to so many incredible guests this year. That's the one thing about our show that always blows my mind.
Doree: Yeah. I feel really lucky. So I think we're feeling good about what happened over the course of the year, but there have been a few, I would say, iconic pod moments, if I may
Kate: You may say that.
Doree: If I may.
Kate: You may.
Doree: Okay. Thank you. That we just wanted to highlight, talk about, I'm sure some of you listening will recognize ones that we're going to play. Maybe you'll chuckle,
Kate: Maybe you'll chuckle. Maybe you'll be like, oh, this is what's wrong with these two people.
Doree: Maybe you'll say that. Maybe you missed these moments the first time around and you're just coming to them for the first time.
Kate: But however you've gotten here, we're we're happy you're here.
Doree: Yes, totally. Yeah. So we're going to take a short break, and when we come back, we're going to be talking about some of those moments. So we'll be right back.
Kate: Let's reflect. Well, when we decided to reflect on some of our favorite moments from the pod in 2022, you listed, you came up with the first one, you came up, you one, one just popped right out.
Doree: Okay. Kate,
Kate: Of your.
Doree: I, I just wanna preface this by saying that this moment is the moment that gets mentioned to me the most.
Kate: Really?
Doree: Yes. I got so many texts.
Kate: Stop.
Doree: Like, yes.
Kate: No, no one mentioned it to me. I guess it's why, because it's about me. No one texted me about this. Are you serious?
Doree: Yes.
Kate: Oh, no.
Doree: Yes. I don't, I didn't mean to make you self-conscious.
Kate: No, no, no, no. You didn't. You didn't. But I'm like, I love that this has stood out for people because this is just my normal, okay, so what are people texting you? Doree.
Doree: And thats what is so beautiful. Well, Kate, if you recall a few months ago, you got some news about your cholesterol,
Kate: And this was, it wasn't even a few months ago. This was almost, this was at the beginning of 2022.
Doree: Okay, so I'm sorry, almost a year ago.
Kate: No, no, that's okay.
Doree: You got some news about your cholesterol, that it was high, and you were kind of discussing some of the lifestyle modifications that you were considering making to try to get your cholesterol down.
Kate: That's right.
Doree: Which led to this conversation.
Kate: We're going to end with a question for me that I included, because it really made me chuckle someone. This is in reference to a recent conversation we had where I was telling Doree that I have tested for high cholesterol and I just made a passing reference about how I snack on butter. And this is what the listener wrote. Kate, what is this madness about you snacking on butter? How did this even start? Is this a thing that anyone else does? I am horrified, yet intrigued and need more information. You just mentioned that as if it was no big deal. But I have never heard of such dying over here. So I can only speak for myself, but I have snacked on butter my entire life. When I was a child, like a toddler, my parents had to hide the butter on a top shelf because I would just grab it and eat it. And I love butter. I love butter. So what I'll do is I by carry gold salted butter, I'll take bites out of the actual giant block of butter, or I'll just keep cutting hunks of it off and eat it, nibble on it. And I reached out to my group of close friends from college today because I was like, let me just make sure that I've been doing this for a while. And I just wrote to them, quick question for something, do you all associate me with butter and eating butter? And they all wrote back, yes. I mean, one of my best friends wrote I bought you a tub of Amish butter at the Union Square Farmer's Market, and you walked around eating it.
Doree: Oh my god, Kate.
Kate: Yeah. I love butter. That's why I think this thing with me and high cholesterol is like, it's not just that I'll put some butter on a baked potato. It's that I eat butter every day plain. I eat. I just eat butter.
Doree: How? Okay. Say a regular stick of butter, how much of that will you eat in a day? And this is not, I'm not judging or shaming.
Kate: No, no, I know. Well, the thing is that Kerygold kind of comes in a block that looks like a bar of soap.
Doree: Oh, yes, yes, yes. So how much of a Kerygold block will you eat in a day?
Kate: I suspect I'm eating two to three tablespoons, just nibbling, not including any cooking with butter or putting it on food.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: Yeah. I eat butter.
Doree: That's a lot
Kate: And I'll notice I go through butter fast and it, it's just me at my family. Nobody else in my family is a butter fiend. So yeah, I do snack on butter. I love it. I love it. More than anything, it's probably my favorite food. So I have to figure this one out. I haven't done it in a week because it did dawn on me like, oh, this. It's not that I need to restrict all butter, but I need to not probably just eat it as a snack.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: Now, am I the only person on the planet who snacks on butter.
Doree: I actually, I wonder.
Kate: Oh, no,
Doree: And I am not a doctor.
Kate: Go on.
Doree: But I have a thought
Kate: Put on that doctor's cap. Okay, my dad's stethoscope. And tell me what you're thinking
Doree: Here is my thinking. What if for three months you didn't change the rest of your diet, you just stopped eating butter, and then you retested your cholesterol?
Kate: I mean, okay.
Doree: Because I feel like you're trying to make these huge, drastic changes and eating vegan and making cashew cheese and all this stuff. When I mean, the answer might be staring us in the face. The fact that you eat three tablespoons of butter straight a day, I think could really be contributing to this cholesterol problem. So what if you just, yeah,
Kate: Doree. Yeah. Yeah.
Doree: Well, what if we eliminated that and then we get a baseline of where we're at without the butter?
Kate: Wow. We were just having some good, quiet, laughing as that was playing.
Doree: Kate, how did that feel for you listening back?
Kate: I don't listen to the podcast once it's in the world. I rarely go back and listen to it. And it's humbling. It's humbling and slightly humiliating. I mean, I still love butter. I still haven't gotten my blood work done, so I'll be very curious to see if this has made an impact. But I do eat. I am eating less of it.
Doree: Oh, wow. Okay.
Kate: For whatever reason, I had to have that epiphany on this podcast, and I had to have you on the other end. And what's amazing is listening to you in real time really process what I'm saying.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: And you're doing it from such a practical space. You're not making me feel bad. You're not judgmental, but I can just see your brain working of just like, well, if you just didn't eat as much butter, and then as you go on, you're like, oh, oh, you're just eating blocks of butter all day. I can just see it start to really come clear.
Doree: Really sink in.
Kate: Wow. Yeah. I mean, there can be so much dissected in terms of the comfort that food provides, not even fulfilling actual hunger, but the satiating feeling of the creaminess and the saltiness. And also just, I mean, this can be dissected in over a hundred therapy sessions, why I eat butter. But look, it means that this year, many people have sent me some sort of butter or picture of a butter ornament that I guess is going around the internet.
Doree: Oh, yeah. A couple people actually sent that to me and were like, get this for Kate. Spoiler, I did not get this.
Kate: The same people who texted you about this butter.
Doree: Oh, gosh. Well, Kate, we wanted to talk about another moment on the pod that was courtesy of our erstwhile producer, Sam Junio.
Kate: Yeah. Sam is always takes one for the team and comes on the pod a lot as a guest. And I will say the great thing about it is that every time they do, we learn something new. Yes. Like shockingly new.
Doree: The phrase they contain multitudes truly applies to Sam Junio.
Kate: Yes.
Doree: Just when you think you've gotten to know them, they throw you another curve ball.
Kate: Truly, I just, I'm so grateful for the day that Sammy walked into our lives with a Vespa helmet under their arm.
Doree: I was going to say, more scootered in.
Kate: Vespa-ed in. I know. And everybody who's imagining how cool Sam looked on a Vespa. Yes, that's right. They were also in, I swear, oh, like a black tea and a leather jacket.
Doree: Yeah. They were very cool.
Kate: The epitome of cool, but with so many multitudes.
Doree: So many
Kate: So heres our latest, our just newest discovery this year,
Sam: I've started to do lock picking stuff, so I'll just sit on my couch.
Kate: Ooh. oh my gosh.
Sam: Like, picking locks that I bought. Yeah.
Doree: How did you get into lock picking?
Sam: So lock picking came about when we were in literal lockdown, and I don't remember if it was something specific that was just like, Hey, this is something that you should do. Or if it was me remembering that I wanted to do it or learn how to do it it was probably an Instagram reel.
Kate: That's fair.
Sam: Yeah.
Kate: And so wait, you buy, do you go to the hardware store and buy door locks?
Sam: Yeah, so I got the initial kit that I have came with two practice locks and a lock picking set, and then I went out and bought a package of Master lock deadbolts, and then two, like doorknobs locking doorknobs.
Doree: So what I'm hearing is that when I lock myself out, I can call you.
Sam: You can call me. It'll probably take me a lot longer than a locksmith, but I can do it.
Doree: Okay. I'll pay you. I mean, I'm not asking for your free labor, I'm just saying I would rather give you my business than a shady locksmith.
Sam: Sure. Yeah, 100%. I can do that.
Doree: Well just add locksmith to the list of Sam Junios skills.
Kate: What can't they do?
Doree: What can't they do.
Kate: I mean, truly, the thing I think that Sam does that is the most extraordinary is that in the month of December, they watch the same holiday movie every day for an entire month. It's like some sort of nightmarish,
Doree: what are they watching this year?
Kate: It's a Melissa Joan Hart movie. I think it's from 2007. It's Holiday and Handcuffs
Doree: Holiday and Handcuffs,
Kate: Yeah. Every day. Every day.
Doree: I mean, that is dedication, truly.
Kate: I think, look, it goes without saying that Forever35 would not be what it is without the influence of Sam Junio. They make this podcast a better place.
Doree: Dont I know it. We're going to take a short break, and when we come back, we will have a couple more fave moments from the past year, so we'll be right back. All right. We're back. And this was one of those things that led to a lot of impassion debate on both sides.
Kate: If you wanna read this next one, I'm obsessed with this question.
Doree: Hello, friends. This isn't the first time I've emailed. There's a fascinating read on perioral dermatitis very deep in your inbox, but I had to write in again with a pressing question, what is normal glass and dishwasher etiquette when at someone's home? I'm constantly flabbergasted by the number of guests who leave the dishes on the sink or counter. After yet another guest left a glass on the counter. This afternoon, I started wondering if I'm the maniac who puts unwanted dishes in the washer when I should be leaving them out?
Kate: Okay, where do we stand on this? This is fascinating to me.
Doree: I would never presume to load someone else's dishwasher,
Kate: So I try to do it. If I'm a guest at someone's house, I always try to do it, and then I realize mid attempt that I'm like, oh, I might be doing this in a way that you don't like, because some people are very, very particular about how your dishes are loaded.
Doree: Yes, exactly. And I would say 10 times out of 10, if I say, what should I do with the dishes? They will say, oh, just leave them in the sink. I have literally, no one has ever said to me, put them in the dishwasher. This is wild to me that this person expects her guest to load the dishwasher. I, I don't know. I'm flabbergasted by this.
Kate: See, I, I can see what this person is experiencing because if I hosted dinner at my house and you grab some plates and put them in the dishwasher, I would be like, cool. Thanks. I am not precious about how dishes are loaded in my dishwasher. I'm married to someone who is he really hates how I load the bowls but I would just appreciate it.
Doree: But also, you and I are close enough. I feel like I've said to you, should I just throw these in the dishwasher? and you've been like, yes, please. Or you've been, just leave them in the sink. The dishes are clean. I feel like we've had both of those exact exchanges, but you are someone I feel very close and comfortable with. I don't know. I don't know. I guess I would ask, it would not be my first instinct. You know what I mean? I would, I would not without asking open someone's dishwasher and put dishes in it. I would never do that. Never. I would never, ever,
Kate: Like this listener says, and yet another guest left a glass on the counter this afternoon. That's what I would do if I was having a glass of water at your house Doree, I would leave it on the counter and I would expect you to. That would be my gesture of, Hey, I'm bringing this to the washing station.
Doree: Yes. You're not leaving it on the coffee table.
Kate: No. Now, I will say, if you don't have a dishwasher and I'm at your house, I will get in there and wash those dishes.
Doree: I feel like a lot of people, I feel like oftentimes when that is offered, I think sometimes the hosts just wants, her guests wants their guests to leave. They're done. You know what I mean? And having someone stick around to wash dishes, they're sort of like,
Kate: and I'm like, how long can I stay here?
Doree: But then sometimes I think they will, and it's always nice to offer, but I think this assumption that guests should load your dishwasher, I personally think that that is unrealistic. I also find it interesting that you have never verbalized this listener. It sounds like you have guests over quite often, and they continue to annoy you, that they're not putting the dishes in the dishwasher. So why don't you just say to them, Hey, could you just throw those in the dishwasher?
Kate: Yeah. I think you could just ask.
Doree: Yeah, why assume that they're mind readers? I dunno.
Kate: But I also do think this is a good point, because they ask, am I the quote maniac who puts unwanted dishes in the washer when I should be leaving them out? I do think it's always good to ask when you're at someone's house. Yes. So I habit of telling and make it a habit of asking, and I think you're a ok. You've got this.
Doree: I think that's great. Yeah.
Kate: Wow. What a hot topic. Wow. I know.
Doree: Who knew that I would get so passionate about that. I mean, done.
Kate: Yeah. Obviously, right up your alley.
Doree: Oh, so up my alley. You know me well, wow. Listen, I stand by what I said
Kate: This, we received so much feedback on this,
Doree: So much feedback.
Kate: People have very strong opinions about this, which I understand. Such an intimate space, the dishwasher, if you have one or the sink even, right? All of that area is just, there's something personal about it.
Doree: I do think it is polite to ask
Kate: Totally.
Doree: But where I was confused by the original listener is that she seemed to be making assumptions about what guests should do in her home.
Kate: I hear you. Now, that being said, sometimes when I'm at somebody's house and I know them, I still go right to the dishwasher and try to load things in. Wow.
Doree: Okay.
Kate: I know. Don't know if it's changed me. I don't know if this has rocked me in a way that I've changed who I am, which is fine, which is fine.
Doree: That would be an interesting exercise to think about something that came up on the pod where we totally changed our opinion. I feel like there have been some things like that where I've definitely thought about something one way, and then either you convinced me to look at it another way, or listeners write in and they're like, actually. But yeah. What was an interesting one that we're actually not going to talk about today, but was an interesting pod moment, was when the listener wrote in about dating a guy who was in financial trouble.
Kate: Yes, I do recall that. Yeah.
Doree: There were a lot of conversations. We got a lot of feedback on that one.
Kate: Yes. And same actually another one dating the person with really bad breath.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: And yes. Interesting. And I really appreciated both those conversations because listeners really offered perspectives that I hadn't truly considered, and that really added to the conversation and the perspective and the empathy and understanding with which I feel like I was able to approach these conversations. So again, it never ceases to amaze me what we talk about here.
Doree: I know.
Kate: Well, in that vein, let's talk about one final moment that we really are still reflecting on, which was the discussion and discovery of people's high school superlatives and the ways in which they have left lingering and often negative feelings toward ourselves even as we approach and thrive in middle age.
Doree: All right, here we go.
Kate: All right. Well, we have one final text message to share. And this person wrote, thank you so much for talking about how we are conditioned not to complain. I was voted constant complainer in my high school superlatives. Yes. You read that correctly. Why is that even a category? But what was I going to do, complain about it? Oh my God. Up until that point, I had viewed most of my quote complaining as just discussing and trying to solve things. But for the past 20 plus years, that has really stuck with me and not in a good way. It's really terrible to give a 17 year old girl, one more reason that she should shut her mouth and just do what she's told. This seems like a good time and place to say, fuck the patriarchy. Oh my gosh. There were so much to unpack here. So listen, listener, what a cruel, awful superlative. That's so awful.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: I mean, superlatives period are just awful. I hate them. But yeah,
Doree: they didn't do them at my high school.
Kate: I don't think we had them at mine either, but they would. It would for sure give me a complex if I got one, or if I didn't get one either way, why didn't I get funniest? That would be me. I'd want, I would demand funniest, but god. What an awful fucking superlative that would haunt me for my whole life.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: I can totally see how this has been in the back of your head, making you question yourself, and I'm really sorry that that happened to you.
Doree: Yes.
Kate: That's really, really toxic and shitty.
Doree: Yeah.
Kate: Then we heard from so many people about their high school superlatives past, and then also people with teens who were dealing with their children's wild high school superlatives.
Doree: Yes, yes, yes.
Kate: God, I don't know about you, Doree, but this really made me reflect on the things, these moments in life, these kind of formative moments or experiences that, for others, they're like throwaway moments, but for us, they impact how we exist in the world for the rest of our lives and influence how we think about ourselves. And I know, I imagine everybody has those, I mean, I know I have those comments that teachers have made, or partners or friends, just these moments where they're throwaway, throwaway comments, but they stay with you forever. And I feel like this high school superlative thing is one of them.
Doree: Well, and the thing with high school superlatives is they're often in a yearbook or somewhere. They're not just throwaway comments. They are preserved.
Kate: Right.
Doree: For posterity.
Kate: Yes. Oh, yes. My dad is my grandmother's high school yearbook. I go, can go and look at her. Superlative from a hundred years ago.
Doree: So that's even more of a gut punch.
Kate: It's also, it's just such a shitty time to try to label someone when they are so deep in developing and forming and learning about who they are.
Doree: Totally.
Kate: Just, and also to vote. The voting. Ooh. I think there needs to be a real rehash on how high school yearbooks are done. I would love to know if there's, if they have improved. I gotta get my hands on my local high school yearbook.
Doree: I will say I was just sort of a misanthrope in high school, and I think I would've been a misanthrope probably anywhere. But in retrospect, my high school was pretty good about that stuff. We didn't have homecoming king and queen. We didn't do superlatives. We didn't do any of that shit. And I am grateful for that. I still felt like shit, but I probably would've felt even shitier
Kate: Doree. I also wonder if other people have had the opposite experience. Maybe you have had the experience where you received a superlative and it changed how you think about yourself for the better. Maybe. I don't wanna just make the assumption that all these high school things are negative. It's possible, they could be great.
Doree: No, that's a good point. Oh, great. I could also see it. I could also see it being kind of depressing if someone you're named most likely to succeed, and then you feel like you haven't succeeded. You know what I mean? That kind of pressure to feel like you have to live up to this expectation that someone put on you when you were 18.
Kate: Totally.
Doree: Yikes.
Kate: And that feeling of like, oh, I can't go back, or I can't show my face because I was dot, dot, dot. And now I'm this. It doesn't give us the chance to evolve. It's such a fascinating, fascinating thing. I'm intrigued. Well, what a year. I mean, who knows what this next year holds in store for us,
Doree: Truly. I mean, I look forward to whatever the universe is bringing us.
Kate: Well, on that note, Doree, should we bid farewell to 2022?
Doree: Let's do that.
Kate: Everybody, thank you again for joining us for another year of this podcast. We're so grateful to have you on board. We can't wait to hear what you wanna talk about in the next year. And we hope you all have a lovely New Year. Forever35 is hosted and produced by Doree Shafrir and Kate Spencer, and it's produced and edited by the lock picking, Sam Junio. Sami Reed is our project manager, and our network partner is Acast.
Doree: Bye everyone.
Kate: Bye.